Have you had a really great shift, but you’re worried about slipping out of it or worse, you know that you already have? I locked in a really big shift in my business life, and I want to share with you how you can do that too. In previous blogs, I shared about feeling stuck and how not to feel stuck anymore. I also shared about how I had that shift. Now, I’m going to talk about how you can lock in that shift for yourself. Have you ever been in a place where you didn't like where you were, and you felt stuck? Then, you found the clarity to change, but you found yourself slipping back into the old ways, the old habits, the old behaviors, or the old way of thinking? Because if your answer is yes, then read on. Backstory Back in 2019, I was looking for some clarity on what my unique positioning statement is. I kept asking:
I went to different coaches, and they were telling me, “Oh, you should be doing this” or “You should be doing that.” Nobody was actually properly pulling it out of me. I was so frustrated. It was not that I was being picky because I'm extremely decisive. It was that everything that was chosen for me didn't feel like the right fit. Maybe you've had that experience before and felt like, “This just isn't right.” You know when it is right and when it isn’t. In high school, when you try on a prom dress, you're like, “It's nice, but I'm not having that feeling.” If you've ever watched those, “Say Yes to the Dress” shows, and you see the moment that the bride puts on that dress, and she says, “This is the one”. She often has that emotional response or that really pumped up excited response. I was looking for that feeling. Now sometimes I thought, “Oh, this is just good for now. Let's just run with this.” That's kind of what happened with the Virtual Assistant Made Easy Program that I started. It felt good. There was that spark there. I knew it was a fit for my mission of helping business owners to be able to implement strategy, to be able to have some freedom in their business and not be so overwhelmed and burnt out. Also, business owners will be able to get ahead because the tech is done, and the different tasks are completed. I support them with the strategy as well as supporting the virtual assistant. However, I knew that this wasn't the soul work, the stuff I was meant to do on this planet. I was frustrated, but I never gave up hope because I had such a yearning for this clarity. I could see myself on stage in a BIGGER way! That's the thing. I could see myself on these massive stages with all these women, impacting them. I knew that it would be life-changing. I’ve had this feeling of wanting to wake up women - women who are just going through the motions and moving ahead those women who are feeling stuck, or the women who are flying under the radar because they're tired of getting attacked for standing out. They know they keep getting taken down, and they're fatigued. I have such a desire to support them that I knew I had to find the clarity. Finding my clarity Finally, I found it. When I was in LA in a coaching mastermind, with my business coach/marketing coach, and I had the shift. I had this epiphany that I've been in the work boots. Meaning that rather than being in my zone of genius, I've been in a place where I'm really good, but it's more head work. It was harder to do. If you can relate to that feeling, let me know. That feeling of, “I'm really good at this. This is going really well, but it's still not the right fit.” I'm in the work boots, and she said to me, “I think your woman is tamed, and she wants to be unleashed.” I was like, “Yes. Yes!” That for me was the answer. I had this inner knowing that, “Oh, we're on the right path here. This is it. This is the piece.” Previously in the year and I've said this in different places, podcasts, blogs, and such, that I heard our national President of CAPS (Canadian Association of Professional Speakers) say, “Speakers should only speak if they're going to persuade or provoke.” That word provoke got me really excited. I was like, “Okay, I'm really excited about this provoke, but what am I provoking? What's the thing I'm provoking?” When she said that your woman is tamed, I was like, “Yes.” We just want to bust out. She said, “I think maybe you're tamed, too.” I was like, “Yes because I'm in this work boots place, and I want to be in the sparkly shoes.” Do you feel the difference between the two? I want to go from work boots to sparkly shoes. Maybe you also have been in a specific place, and you want to shift to another place. Maybe you've had a negative perspective, and you want to go into a more positive perspective. As we were wrapping up my coaching session, that epiphany for me was like gold. I was like, “I know it’s a two-day mastermind, but I could just be done here. But she said, “Wait a second. Before we end this, how are you going to lock in this shift tomorrow? Like when you wake up, how are you going to stay in this place of sparkly shoes, of joy, of soul work, of going back into marketing yourself as a life coach? Rather than the work boots and the business coaching, the problem-solving and the strategy? How are you going to lock in the shift?” Great questions…but first I’ll share… A shift can be in your mindset. For me, it was a shift in my business more so of, “Whoa, I'm over here, and I really think I want to be over there.” I really want to go away from marketing myself solely as a business coach to marketing myself more as a life coach. That was a complete mental shift in how I viewed my business. I've been doing life coaching since the beginning. It's been like 13 years now. But when I go to events, I speak more about coaching small business owners and virtual assistant services. It's a change, and I've been holding back on what I’m doing my new humorous keynote on. It’s not about VA services. It's not about business strategy. The shift for me was mental on how I viewed my business and my services. Maybe for you, a shift is coming from a limiting belief into a new paradigm for yourself. Limiting beliefs like,
Shifting it to,
A shift can also happen in your perspective of a situation. Now you might think, “Well, that's a limiting belief.” No, your perspective of something. It could be one perspective that's still a positive perspective. But when you shift it to a different perspective, it allows more to happen. For example, my perspective of my business could be, “I'm a business coach, and I offer these things.” Then a new perspective could be, “Well, I'm originally a life coach, so I can offer all kinds of services.” A perspective shift might also be about a situation. For example, “I don't have many options because I've got kids at home.” On the flip side, a new perspective you could hold about that situation is, “It's amazing that I get to be home with my kids, and I also have the freedom to choose what I want to do.” It's just a different way of looking at things. It's like you put on a new set of glasses, a new way of looking at something, so you’re able to then take the blinders off and things can be opened up. Anytime I do perspective work with my clients, we look at the situation, and how they are viewing this topic. Then we try another perspective, then another one and another one. We talk about,
Then, after trying them all on again, we decide on what is the right perspective for them to hold. Now, when you make that shift, it might feel like Goldie Locks, “Oh, as we go this way, there are even better perspectives. But that one is so unbelievable that I can't take that one on. But this one feels more comfortable.” For example, it could be that you dislike someone, and your perspective is, “I hate them, I'll never be friends with them.” Then another perspective is, “We're best friends again.” That's just too far off. Maybe in the middle is, “I can be cordial to them. Maybe I'll add them to my prayers every day. Or when I see them, I'll say hi. That's it.” With the different perspectives, you can grab onto a new one. It's just like changing your clothes, “What perspective are we going to have today?” But we don't want to shift back into the old perspective. For me, the shift would be me going back to focusing specifically on business coaching, doing all my marketing towards that, all my offerings towards that, and all my speaking engagements towards that and scaling the VA services even more. Because it is easy to shift back. Why? This is comfortable. Whenever you have a perspective shift, a mental shift, a shift of some kind, you have to lock yourself into this new place. Otherwise, you're going to shift back out. It's kind of like if your body got realigned, it's so easy for us to shift back into that place of misalignment. In my next blog, I will share with you what I did to lock in that shift. P.S. The launch of the Dynamic Women Trailblazer Secrets Book is here! We’re going to have a virtual launch party, and we’d love for you to celebrate with us! Grab your free ticket here. Read my other blogs:
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In my last blog, I shared the Top 5 Dynamic Women Podcast Solo Episodes of 2023. We ended the year with a total of 240 episodes released since we started in 2019! We were joined by 25 wonderful dynamic women who shared their expertise, stories, and tips on different topics that you can you in your life and business. Now, let me share with you the Top 5 Guest Episodes! I’ll count them down from 5 to the number 1 Podcasts of 2023! If you haven’t listened to them yet, then I encourage you to check them out and subscribe so you don’t miss any episodes in 2024! Don’t miss:
Special thanks to our guests:
Don’t miss:
Are you a business owner who's trying to build a successful business? Well, how about building it to the point where you are number one in Canada? In this episode, Missy MacKintosh talks about exactly that. Don’t miss:
Top 1: DW190: Let's Get Fired Up and Be Ready to Shift with Linda Mae Edgecombe with Linda Mae Edgecombe
Listen to this episode as it will help you get fired up and be ready to shift. There you go! Those are the Top 5 Guest Episodes of 2023. Tip: Our guests shared some freebies for you! Make sure to check each episode’s show notes to grab them! You can catch the Dynamic Women Podcast on Captivate, Spotify, Google Podcasts, and other podcast streaming apps. Make sure to subscribe and leave us a review so we can help more women. When you do leave us a review, please send to team@dianerolston.com a screenshot of the review and your mailing address so that we can send you a little something in the email. ⠀⠀ If you want to be a guest in the podcast and inspire a global community of women, please email my team at team@dianerolston.com. Read my other blogs:
In 2023, the Dynamic Women Podcast celebrated its 4th anniversary! We ended the year with a total of 240 episodes released since we started in 2019! For this blog, let me share with you the Top 5 Solo Episodes of 2023. In these episodes, I share only the best tools, stories, and strategies that will help you in all areas of your life! It may be weird to have an episode all about how I lost 20 pounds. But there's a lot in this story… in this struggle. Listen as I share:
Are you sitting on a course, a product, or a service because your limiting beliefs are telling you:
Then you need to listen to this episode as I talk about:
Have you been thinking about wanting to speak to grow your business, but you’re not a professional speaker? In this episode, I talk about the three ways you can speak without being a professional speaker or having any past speaking experience. This is part of a series. This is the 1st of 4. Don’t miss:
It’s the 4th Anniversary Episode of the Dynamic Women Podcast! Today, the tables are turned as I will be interviewed by our guest podcast host, Michelle Abraham! Michelle and her team at AmplifYou helped me launch my podcast four years ago. In this episode, I answer some hard questions from Michelle. Don’t miss:
It sucks so bad when you feel stuck.... like you can't get out of the muck. No right turn showing itself. You just want to make progress, but why are you sabotaging yourself?! I went live in my Facebook Group, the Dynamic Women Global Community, and talked about ditching the stuck feeling for good. Listen to know:
That’s it! Those are the Top 5 Solo Episodes of the Dynamic Women Podcast! If you listened to these episodes or any episode, thank you. I am very grateful for the support. This 2024, I am going to continue providing you with helpful topics, so if you have any topic suggestions, feel free to reach out to my team at team@dianerolston.com. Tune in to the Dynamic Women Podcast through Apple Podcasts, Captivate, Spotify, Google Podcasts, and other podcast streaming apps. Make sure to subscribe and leave us a review so we can help more women. If you leave us a review, please send a screenshot to team@dianerolston.com with your mailing address so that we can send you a little something in the mail! Read my other blogs here:
Have you been feeling like you're a little bit off track, and you don't know which direction you should be pointing yourself to go? Maybe you've been sitting here doing a whole bunch of different tasks and you don't see how they can all be united into one path? Today, I’m going to talk about finding your North Star. What is a North Star? Metaphorically speaking, we can think of it like a symbol. A thing that acts as a life guide or a reference point for you. It's really named after the North Star, the Polaris, because it's been fixed in the northern sky and it aligns with the Earth's spinning. Now, you don't have to remember any of that. But basically, back in the day, right back before we had all the really cool GPS systems and the technology and the electronics that we have today, sailors used to figure out which way they needed to go based on where the North Star was. You can just imagine how important it was to be able to know “Where am I?” and “Where am I going?” The concept of a North Star in personal development When we look at the North Star with your personal growth, you may just think, “Oh yeah, I have a career plan” or “I pick goals to go after” or “I have a theme for the year or word for the year.” Well, basically finding your North Star in personal development means you're figuring out what really matters to you. When you look at different aspects of your life, how are you going to point those in the right direction? It is like a symbol. It helps you make decisions, set goals, and deal with challenges with a sense of direction. It's going to give you some clarity. It's life's GPS, your soul’s GPS, maybe also your business or career’s GPS. It's your personal north star that is going to help you navigate the journey, so if you wonder, “Am I off track? Well, where's your North Star? Oh, it's back over there. Okay, I need to pivot. I need to change how I am going, make different decisions, have different goals, whatever it may be.” Picture this: maybe someone is all about making their community better. That's their North Star, like everything has to be helping their community be better. If they're doing something that's not helping their community to be better, then it's not a fit for them. Maybe their North Star is around their family and the legacy they want to leave. If they're looking at other aspects, and they're thinking, “Wow, this is not in alignment with the legacy I want to leave my family,” then it tells them, “I'm off course. I need to make some changes.” Everything they do, their decisions, actions, and goals, are all aimed at making their community better, their family better, whatever it may be, whatever that North Star is, making it better as the end result. You're probably thinking, “Okay, that sounds really cool. Yeah, maybe I want a North Star,” or “I have all these other things instead.” Well, I want to let you know that if you don't have a clear North Star in your life, it can lead to feel like you have a sense of aimlessness. You're wandering around with a lack of direction. If you have ever thought, “Oh, yeah, I've done this. I've done this. I've done this, but I haven't really felt like I've moved ahead, or I haven't really felt like there's a big alignment in what I'm doing,” then you're going to have struggles. There are going to be some potential consequences. I'm going to go through them now because that's going to tell that saboteur, “Shut up. We really need to get our North Star in place.” Then at the end, I'm going to give you those three questions that you can ask yourself to kind of get that first step towards figuring out what your North Star is. The consequences #1: Lack of focus I hear this all the time that clients and people I meet, they're like, “I’m just feeling unfocused now.” Without that North Star, you may find it challenging to focus on your specific objectives, your specific priorities. You're not going to have the drive you need to stay focused, and instead you’ll say, “Oh, whatever, I'm just going to do these other things”. When you know what your North Star is, then you can confidently say, “Okay, I’ve got to do these things. I got to do these steps because I know that this is going to get me closer to that North Star.” #2: Decision paralysis Have you ever sat there and been like, “I don't know what decision I should make.” But when you're North Star is super clear. It's your guiding light. It tells you where you should be going. It makes decision-making so much easier. There's going to be no issue with you making an aligned decision or an aligned choice. #3: Uncertainty and anxiety Sadly, a lack of a North Star may contribute to you feeling uncertain and worried about the future. Really, with no clear vision or purpose to work towards, you're going to get in that place of feeling uncomfortable with it and feeling like, “What am I doing? I don't know. I'm not sure.” You don't want to be in that place because that's when you lay awake at night, and you worry, “I don't know, am I doing the right thing? Is this a good idea for me? What should I do here?” You do get into that uncertainty, and that can cause you to have less confidence in yourself in a new path. #4: Real difficulty in setting goals The next piece is you're going to have real difficulty in setting goals because if you're going to set meaningful and fulfilling goals, it's too hard without that overarching direction to guide your aspirations. Instead, you're down here in the everyday asking, “Okay, what am I going to do? What steps? What priorities do I have? Where do I need to focus?” If you don't have that overarching North Star to be able to guide you, it's going to be super unclear. You're not going to know which goals are a priority, and which goals you should even make, which then gets us into the next one. #5: Lack of motivation Your North Star gives you your clear purpose. It also will then create more of a passion for you. It serves as a really powerful motivator. Without it, you're really going to experience a lack of motivation and inspiration in your endeavors, your opportunities, and your goals. Lack of motivation makes it so much harder, then you have to build energy to do things, which means a delay or a complete lack of results. #6: Feeling like you’re wandering through life Life might feel like a series of random events because there's no unifying principle. When you have the North Star, it's going to lead you to a sense of accomplishment that you're hitting your milestones. Otherwise, you're going to be in that place of feeling like you're drifting. You're wandering without a purpose. When you don't have a purpose, you're also going to lack motivation. You're not going to feel that sense of urgency to get things done. You're going to be more apathetic. #7: Limited personal growth I hope you care about this one. When you have this North Star, it will help you to have continuous personal development. But without it, there will be a lack of intentional growth and self-improvement. You're not going to see the things you need in order to move forward. My North Star supporting high-level women to stop flying under the radar, to have more balanced lives and reach the success that they're wanting. I want there to be more female leaders in the world. We're only going to do that by empowering women. So one thing I did was take a stand-up comedy class. I saw how it was going to serve me in helping me give better speaking keynotes, help me with my trainings and my workshops with my clients. The quality of your personal growth will increase, rather than you paying all this money for things that aren't in alignment with your North Star and aren't going to help you to move forward in the right direction. #8: Difficulty overcoming challenges You're also going to have difficulty overcoming challenges. A guiding principle can provide strength and resilience. When you see that North Star, you're going to be like, “Okay, I can get through these challenging times.” Without that North Star, overcoming obstacles may become more challenging, more stressful, and really drain you of your time, your energy, and your peace. #9: Strained relationships You might think of this as like, “Well, this is my life and my North Star”. But really a lack of personal direction might affect your relationships with other people, as it may make it really challenging to communicate your values, aspirations, goals, and desires to them. When you have that clarity, it's going to be really easy for you to be able to explain why things are important to you and be able to make decisions in your life that would have negatively affected them, like you're not going to go partying or you're not going to go on that trip because you have other priorities and values you want to be in alignment with. #10: Reduced satisfaction and fulfillment Without a clear purpose, without the guiding principle of the North Star, there may be a reduced sense of satisfaction and fulfillment, even when you do succeed. That's why some people get to that success point, and then they go,
When you are in alignment with your North Star, when you're moving forward in the right direction, you will feel satisfaction and fulfillment. What I hope people realize is, life should be measured by satisfaction, not just success. The 5 questions Now that you’ve read those 10 consequences, I'm sure you're feeling like, “Whoa, that is a lot, Diane. This is really showing me that it's important to have a North Star.” Here are five questions you can ask yourself that are really going to help you to start to open up this exploration of figuring out what your North Star is. Another way that I talk about it in coaching is around your personal statement. Or it's your your passion. It is the main goal, your vision for your life, your mission, the movement you want to have. Finding that North Star is such a personal journey. I've taken a lot of clients through it. I just received a lovely email from a client I had years ago, who is following her North Star. In the email, she thanked me for the coaching we did that gave her confidence, helped her unlock her values and know which direction she really wanted to go in. Here are five questions you can ask yourself. With these questions, I hope you write them down and put your answers and then ask yourself again, and then write the answers and then put what else? And then write the answers and see which of the answers to these questions starts to really get into that soul place. #1: What do you really care about? You can think of all areas of life, but first look at life in general, what do you really care about? You can also think about, “What is it that fires you up?” #2: What's important to you? If you haven't listened, watched or read yet about my journey and how my coach shifted me and how I'm going from the work boots into the sparkly shoes, the sparkly shoes for me is the soul work. It's what's really important to me. #3: What do you want to achieve in life? #4: What was the purpose of you being on Earth? #5: What's the legacy you want to leave? A way to find your North Star The Dynamic Your Program is open. This is a really great way for you to have a North Star for this year. By making that one-page plan, that dynamic life blueprint, that is your North Star for the year. If you want to talk more about, “How do I find my North Star for myself?” or “Okay, Diane, I've done the questions. I got the answers, but I really want to explore this more.” Sure, send me a message at diane@dianerolston.com. We can talk about how I can support you to really lock in your North Star and give you the clarity, so you can implement the right actions into your life. Wrapping Up I’m not going to say much more about the topic. You now know what the North Star is. The importance of it and the definition of it. You also know all the different reasons why you could have negative consequences of not having a North Star, and really all the amazing benefits to having one. For this personal journey, I gave you some questions that you can use, that are really going to help you to get things started with that North Star. I'm putting together right now the topics for 2024. What do you want me to talk about? What are the things that you're struggling with? Or what are some things that you wish you could learn and ask me about? Please send them over to team@dianerolston.com. I would love to hear from you. Stay dynamic! Read my other blogs:
Happy New Year! Happy 2024! Thinking about how to start off the year on the right foot? I've got seven tips for you. By going through these different pieces, it's going to prepare you to:
Basically, all the things you're wanting, especially after the way the past few years have been. As I go through these tips, take some notes, and write them down. I'm going to give you different tips for you to implement. Also, in case you missed it, the doors are open for the Dynamic Year Program, that’s definitely how you’re going to not only be able to set a really great foundation for 2024, but also create your dynamic blueprint. The plan includes your theme, your goals, and all the other pieces, needed to have the dynamic year that you deserve. So check it out here. Tip #1: Make yourself a priority and organize your space This is actually two-fold, and it's more about yourself and your space so that you can really get into all the other six points. The first one is to make yourself a priority - your self-care. Now is the time to be able to take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. This could include things like:
Or whatever it is to really recenter yourself. Give yourself that rest, relaxation, and recharge that is needed to start the year right. I know you've been really busy probably over the holiday season, and we want to ease in and ensure we're all set to go. Get organized is the other piece of it. Starting off the new year with a clean, organized space can really help you to feel more productive and be more focused. Take some time to declutter. You can donate a bunch of stuff or sell things off, and do a general cleaning of your home and work space. If you’re worried that, “I’ve got to get down to business, Diane, it is chaos in here!” then I have one recommendation. Go to your local store and pick up some bins or get some cardboard boxes. If your desk is a mess, throw stuff in it. If the side of your bed is a mess, throw stuff in it. Do this if you don't have the time to put things away properly right now, and you need to start working instead. Empty those spaces so that you have an opportunity to have clarity, and then set time in your calendar when you'll focus on emptying those boxes, maybe 10 minutes every day, moving forward. Tip #2: Take some time to reflect Now that you've got yourself recharged and your space ready, we want to have some time to reflect on the past year. This is something that we do in the Dynamic Year Program. I have a really amazing, proven step-by-step formula in order to take you through this. Let me just explain what it is so that you have that in your mind right now. Take some time to think about every area of your life over the past year. What worked well for you and what didn't work well for you, and you're going to use this reflection time to educate yourself. In our process, we grab the wisdom, and we do all the steps so you can use this to create your goals and priorities for the next year. Reflecting on the past year is not just about what were the good and bad things, it's more intricate about what got you there, who were you being, and what were you doing. Tip #3: Celebrate your successes Don’t just look at what went well or bad in the past year or what worked and didn’t work, and figure out what you’d do better next time. Instead, when you capture the great things that happened, spend some time to celebrate them. It's really important that we celebrate our achievements. I see so often that high-achieving A-type of clients of mine, they're like, “Yeah, achieved that. Check. Next. Yep, achieved that. Check. Next.” They don't spend time to celebrate. If you have listened to me talk about the motivation mountain, it's so important to celebrate these successes when we're at the top of the mountain because at some point we’re going to have to run down the mountain, and then up the next one. That process can be tiring. As you go towards another goal, you can get tired, but when you celebrate your achievements, you can actually feel what it's like to be on top. You feel those moments of success, and it's going to help you to get through the hard times when you say, “I need some energy, inspiration, perseverance. I need to know I can do this.” The motivation and confidence from celebrating can help carry us to the top of the next goal. So celebrate the successes at the high points, to get through the lows. It's also going to help you feel good about your progress, and feel good about yourself. Celebrate all types of achievements, big and small. Tip #4: Set specific and achievable goals Once you've done those steps, it's time to start setting some goals. There are a few more steps that I do in the Dynamic Year Program before we make goals, like setting your theme, values, guidelines, and new paradigm, but for this I’ll share about setting specific achievable goals for the new year. Obviously, we want SMART goals. (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-Bound) or I like to add the E and R as well. E is for Evaluation, and R is for Review and Redo if needed. When you make your goals, create them for all areas of your life. I use the Wheel of Life - a professional coaching tool. My wheel has 10 areas on it (If you want a copy of it, please send my team an email at team@dianerolston.com or email me at diane@dianerolston.com with the subject line “Wheel of Life Please”) and that's going to help you create specific goals in every area of your life, like your career, your personal development, your health, and your relationships, etc. without going against goals in other areas. When you have clearly defined goals, SMARTER goals that are written down, it's going to give you direction, and it's also going to give you motivation. Tip #5: Reach out for support In going through all of these tips, you might have thought ‘Oh, that's a lot to do on my own’ so the next tip is to reach out for support. You shouldn't be afraid to ask for help or support. It's actually a smart thing to do. How many people out there who are in sports just try to do it all themselves? They don't. They have coaches. They have trainers. They have different people that support them, and the same goes for your goal setting. This will help you have a process for the end of the year, going into the new year, and even creating goals. Don't be afraid to ask for help or support when you need it. Maybe it's from friends, from family, or from a professional (like me), but having someone to talk to and lean on can be so helpful in achieving your goals and staying on track. Smart people get support. How many CEOs out there are doing everything on their own? If you're a small business owner, you're probably trying to do it all on your own. But Fortune 500 companies, big companies, and successful multi-billion dollar companies have support to get things done and for strategy. Tip #6: Create a plan for achieving your goals A lot of times people make goals and that's amazing. If you write them down, they get closer to being living goals, but if you don't have a plan for your goals, you probably won't be able to achieve them. If you do, it's based on luck, or a fluke, or you're not going to be as efficient as you possibly could. Personally, I love making dynamic goals. One goal that, if planned properly, will help you achieve up to five goals. Doesn't that sound amazing? I'm all about efficiency and productivity, and that's the way to do it. I do that with my clients in the Dynamic Year Program. When you do look at your goals, how can you plan to focus on that one goal and have it help you to achieve multiple goals? It is possible. With your plan, it’s really important to break your goals down into actionable steps. A lot of times goals feel way too big, but if your goal is to make an extra $100,000 this year, and you're feeling like, “How am I ever going to do that?” Well, you're not going to do it by January, but what you could do is make $9,000 every month, that works out to an extra $2,000 a week. Could you do that? Now it's starting to sound more possible. So what are the steps and the actions to get there? Does that sound a little bit more achievable and doable? That's why we want to break them down and have a plan to get there so that in November and December, we're not in that crunch time and super stressed about not being able to get there. It's not just enough to have the goal, you need to know how to make it into actionable steps. Tip #7: Let go of negative habits and thoughts As you're going through all these steps, I'm guessing you've heard limiting beliefs, the saboteur, or little gremlin on your shoulder, saying negative things to you. My last tip is to let go of negative habits and thoughts. As you do these steps, if you hear something, write it down because if there are negative habits or thoughts that are holding you back, you have to make a special effort to let them go. If the negative thought is, “How can I ever achieve that?” Write that down. Now, you need to answer that, "How can I ever achieve that?” or “I'm not smart enough”. Okay, well, what will make you smarter? Do you need to do research? Do you need to hire someone to help you? Do you need to read a book about it? What is going to help you to get there? If you have bad habits, like procrastination, scrolling through Facebook, or any social media platform endlessly, hours at a time, or even minutes at a time when you want to be doing other things. Maybe another bad habit is not eating right, not drinking enough water, or not sleeping enough. We need to let go of these negative habits in January, so that we have a chance for the rest of the year, to be able to really push through and get everything done that we want to achieve. The key thing is, I want you to get to the end of the year and look back and say, “Wow, that was the best year ever. I thought last year was pretty good. But this year was amazing.” To get to the end of the year and have no regrets, “I was so good. I did what I wanted to do.” I know that sometimes you set certain things to do, and it doesn't pan out how you wanted it to, but there'll be other things that you’ll achieve along the way and if you are able to do these seven things, I promise you, you're going to have a better year. If you can do these things in January, even better, set some time in your calendar to be able to go through and do these. Wrapping Up I hope that these seven tips are going to help you start off the new year on a positive note. I'm trusting that by going through these tips you're going to have an even better year. Now, if you want to have a dynamic year, I encourage you to check out the Dynamic Year™ program. Come join me and a bunch of other dynamic leaders to not only coming up with your goals, but being able to properly review the year to grab the golden nuggets and create your Dynamic Life Blueprint. I have a bunch of tools in the dynamic year plan will help you as the year goes on, to make better decisions, to be more confident to have a better plan in place, and then to have quarterly check-ins throughout the year to keep you accountable. That's what the program offers. Check it out. I really would love to see you in there. Until next time, stay dynamic and have a wonderful happy new year! Take care. Read my other blogs:
It's year-end! Have you been thinking about giving back? There is a real art to it. Giving back is part of our nature. Giving, I could say more so, is part of being a woman. As this year draws to a close or if you are taking this information in at another time of year, you can still be reading and planning as to how you want to be giving back. Importance of giving back It's always at the end of the year that I decide, “Okay, who have I not given enough to? Who are the new people or organizations and charities that I want to give to?” Now is the perfect time to do that. There is a big push for all these charities, organizations, and special services that are looking for fundraising dollars now, so they can support their budgets throughout the year, so they can:
It's important to give back because many organizations will only survive if they have donors and if they have people who are supporting them in one way or another. Giving back means that those services that are near and dear to your heart, the ones that are in alignment with your personal values, your mission, your business, or whatever it may be, can continue to do good work. If you put your dollars into Amazon, you're growing Amazon. If you put your dollars into a women's local shelter, then you're helping the people around you get the help they critically need. When we are blessed with finances, security, jobs, and business, then it is our duty to give back. I'm not going to tell you how much you have to give back. You know how much tithing you need to do. But it’s important that if we have, then we give. You may not have money to give and that's okay, but you maybe have time. All the different things you can give are:
You can also be the one who collects from others. A few things that we've done in the past is for the gala that we did for the Dynamic Women Community. I invited the women to bring pajamas, underwear, socks, and other personal products, in order to have these items available for the women in shelters, which was for Joy's Place Emergency Shelter. I have done others where it was feminine products, toothbrushes, body wash, these sorts of things for women in shelters. I've collected items that are one-use or small-use, like shampoo, conditioner, razors, mittens, and things for the women in the Downtown Eastside in Vancouver. Collecting these items could be the thing that you do. I've also collected probably two suitcases or two garbage bags full of bras, mainly used bras, that were being sent over to Africa for the women there because I heard that women who don't wear a bra are more targeted for sexual abuse, rape, and kidnapping. That appalled me and I thought if I could do one little thing it would make a big difference. I can remember dropping them off to the person who was going to bring them over. I had my daughter in her stroller and two big garbage bags of bras. There are many different ways and things you can give - like your time. Recently, with my church, my family and I helped to do a big Christmas dinner. I think it was 400 people. My job for two or three hours was serving drinks and special baked goods to the people as they came in and were waiting for their dinner. Then my job was to clean up and take down all the Christmas lights and the decorations. Then to help reset the location by bringing all the tables back and cleaning up all the garbage. That was just a one-off give back. It's important to give back. We get it, but a lot of times, this gets forgotten, or we go to a store like Walmart and at the till we get asked, “Do you want to give $2 to Children's Hospital?” Or we go somewhere else, and we get asked, “Do you want to give $1 to this or $5 to that?” That's not how I give. Now, that's great, but a lot of times, the companies have already given, and they're looking to recoup the donation. Who to pick It's great if at the beginning of the year, you choose who to give to. I get that we're at the end of the year now, and so it's like getting it in under the deadline, but still intentionally choose who and how much to give. For me, it's always important that I give to the Cancer Society because my father passed away from cancer. That one is near and dear to my heart. I also give to MS Canada because I have a few clients dealing with it. I also believe in giving to women's shelters like Nova Vita in my hometown of Brantford because I see that we're only one decision that we've made or someone else has made for us, that would put us in need of using a women's shelter. Because I feel blessed that I haven't had to use an emergency shelter or domestic abuse services, I want to make sure that they have the resources. I give money every year. Sometimes I donate my Dynamic You book. I just feel like that is really important to me. One that my parents always gave to was The War Amps. That's the key tags where if you lose your keys, and it says on there, just put it in a mailbox and there's an agreement with the Postal Service, that they will find the owner again of the keys and give them back. I always donate because I see that also as a service. Then we're giving to BC Children's Hospital because my daughter had a hernia and had surgery there. They were so good. My son also broke his femur and he was in there. It's just really important for me to be giving back. Also giving to the SPCA, that's where we usually get our animals from. This year, we got two cats from the Langley Animal Protection Services. When we went there, we donated food to them. The “Who to pick?” is going to have to be connected to you. Do you want to give locally? I give to a women's shelter here locally. I also give to a women's shelter in my hometown. Or is it provincially/statewide? Or nationally? Or even globally? Which level are you wanting to give to? Is it something that's near and dear to your heart? Is it based on maybe some family member that was affected by a disease? Is it a service that you've used or a friend has used? Just be thinking about who you're going to pick. I know that my parents gave to a lot of different organizations, and they would allot a certain amount. It is okay that if someone asks you for a donation that you say, “I'll think about it for next year. But we've already allotted our donations for this year.” You're totally ok to do that. You don't have to donate to everyone and every organization, but when you plan it, you're going to be able to see where you want to give, and you'll be able to know how much you want to give. I know for tax purposes, it's always good to give over $20 so that you get a tax receipt, and maybe you need to write off a certain amount of money in order to reduce your tax bracket. I'm not going to go into taxes. That is not the purpose for philanthropy. Also, if you have a service that you provide, maybe an organization would give you a “gift in kind” receipt for your services or gifting of your unneeded car to a specific organization or other items for an auction. Just be thinking about that as well, since there are so many different ways to give. It doesn't just have to be money. How do you want to give? Well, we're right at the end of the year, so I encourage you just go give. Give presents where they're needed, like for different children's charities or families in need. We did a couple of hampers this year, from my soccer team and my women’s church group. At the end of the year, it's different. But going into the next year, be thinking about how you want to give. Do you want to give a monthly donation? I used to do direct deposit for my church every month. It would just automatically come out, but then I decided, instead, I would invest that money and then do a lump sum at the end of the year. Giving cash is always better because using your credit card charges the charity fees, so you're actually giving them less than you intended. Yes, you get points, but at the cost of them having the expense. Cash is great and E-transfer is even better, then you have a bit of a paper trail in case anything goes wrong. Be thinking about that as an option, or writing a cheque works well too. But at this point in the year, you're going to have to drop it off. Be thinking about that. We want to keep more money in the pocket of the charity or the organization that we're donating to. *Side note for small business owners, when you buy something from a small business owner, use cash as much as you can or debit so that they don't incur the credit card fees. Build in giving into your life If you build in giving, then it's part of your monthly budget. It's part of your goal setting. It's part of your calendar. You can plan, “I'm going to give back by donating my time to this organization at this place, and it will already be scheduled in there.” That's how you build in giving into your life. You can ask yourself:
It doesn't always have to be to charities. It could be you mentoring someone, or joining a non-paid board, a volunteer board and giving your time, energy, and connections. It could be you donating a certain percentage of your salary or what you bring in, and it could be something you discuss with your family, “Where are we going to give and how are we going to do that as a family not just as an individual?” Build in giving into your business Last but not least is thinking about how do we build in giving into our business. Here are some options:
For my book launch of Dynamic You, we did something called the “More Than One Campaign.” I also do this when I go to big conferences. I encourage the women to buy more than one book. But that second book is left behind with me, and I donate it to a women's shelter. They buy one book for themselves, and they buy a book for a woman who maybe couldn't afford it or is now just receiving a lovely gift as she leaves the shelter on her journey for the next chapter of her life. When you build in giving into your business, you can plan the giving. You can do it in a way that makes sense for your business, both from a structural way, also from a way of announcing it. It's not around a marketing ploy. But we all know certain companies, that when you buy one of something, you know that one is going to be donated. That can be the deciding factor for a lot of people really believing in your philanthropic ways of your business and wanting to support that. You don't necessarily have to have your own foundation or your own nonprofit or your own special services, but can you align yourself with a specific organization? Can you give stage time? Can you send emails about them? Can you make social postings about them? Can you put them on your podcast so that you help to spread the word about this organization, charity, nonprofit or whatever it may be. Now, there are so many other ways you can be philanthropic in your business and in your life. I just kept it to the actual exchange of you giving your time, energy, product, or money in a kind of potentially one-off way or a way where it fits into your life and business. There are so many bigger, grander things you could do, like saying,
Whatever it is for, there is an art to giving back. The key thing is just having intention around it, and then implementing it. It doesn't have to be a lot or hard. It’s just so important, especially as women, our donation dollars count, our voice at the table makes a difference, and volunteering matters. Our ability to share our skills, and just show the younger generation the impact that we can make, not just for profit, but for good, is really important. I'm curious, if you’re already donating, who do you give to? Why is that important to you? If you're thinking about how to be more philanthropic in your life or your business, please share that. I would love for you and your journey and what you're going to implement to inspire others. P.S. Want 2024 to be your best year? The Dynamic Year™ program gives you the chance to look at the past year to capture the good, release the bad, and move forward with the golden nuggets we have uncovered. You get all the info, tools, and templates you need to benefit from the 3-Step Foundation and create your Dynamic Life Blueprint for a great year. Read my other blogs here:
In my previous blog, I talked about the times I felt stuck, what I did to ditch that feeling, and how you can find the reason why you're stuck. Now, I’ll share with you the “How Can I” Approach” and why I wanted to write about this stuck feeling topic. Go to the link below to read part one first: https://www.dianerolston.com/blog/are-you-wanting-to-ditch-the-stuck-feeling-for-good The “How Can I” Approach This is something that I coined because I was trying to figure out how I was able to get over adversity. A lot of people say, “Here's my obstacle. Here's my problem. Here's why I'm stuck. Ho-hum is me.” I noticed that when I've faced an obstacle, after the initial annoyance I ask myself “How can I?” For example, I need to have a book in my clients’ hands in 90 days. (Go to part 1 for more info about this story.) How can I do this? I don't have enough info. How am I going to write this? I don't want to write this. How else could I write this book? I changed my approach from, “Oh, I have to write a book” to “I'm going to speak and teach the material that then gets transcribed into a book.” I started by making an outline. I put it into more of a program format. I then emailed my list and said, “Hey, I'm doing this program called Dynamic You, you're going to learn how to unleash your dynamic woman through the nine Pillars of being a dynamic woman. It's going to be a five-week course, who wants in? Here's the investment.” 25 women said they wanted to be in, which was really exciting! Now I had to have the content ready for them. Every time I tell the story, (you're getting the super basic version), people go, “Wow, I never thought of that.” But it was in one of those moments of feeling stuck, but knowing I could teach the content instead caused me to open up my thinking. Thank goodness, I had a team member and editor to support me in making this happen. Otherwise, I think it would have been too much. So for the questions, “What information do I need?” I looked at the pieces I didn't have the answers to.
I needed all of these questions answered. If your problem for feeling stuck is you don't have enough information, then you need to ask yourself,
If the problem is, “I don't know if it's the right decision?” well, how can you know if it's the right decision? Who can help you to get the answer? What can help you to know if it's the right decision? If you don't know if you have the right motivation, then, how can you know what's the right motivation? How can you figure that out? Who can help you to figure that out? If you don't have enough confidence, how can you build the confidence to do it? There have been some situations in my life where I was terrified, like calling one of my major coaches who makes multiple billions of dollars, and proposing a collaboration with him. I told people, I would do it so that I could actually make it happen. It comes down to what I mentioned earlier, “A deadline helps hold us accountable.” Put a deadline on things. But first, you have to figure out why you are stuck. Then ask, “How can I?” The questions of:
It's not just about sitting in the stuckness. It's about figuring out the solution to get out of the stuckness. It feels so heavy. It feels so hard like you are really stuck in the muck. With my health journey, I felt stuck in the muck. I actually felt hopeless. I thought, “I'm never going to be able to get myself out of this. I don't have the willpower. I know what I need to do. I just don't have the motivation to do it. I don't have the emotional bandwidth to do it. I don't want to figure it out. I need to be told what to do.” That’s why I put my money into it. I invested to make it happen. That might be what you need. One of my coaches, I joined her mastermind so that I could hear her extreme confidence and ego sometimes because I feel like I'm very heart-centered and I put people's feelings first and sometimes boundaries can get blurred. I was like, “Okay, how can I not do that anymore? How can I not have my heartstrings pulled so much that I bend too much for people?” I thought, “Who do I know who can help me with this?” It's just me being in the energy of this person. This person is like definitely like a no BS, her feelings are first, and her wants are first. I'm not going to go maybe that extreme, but it helps me to move forward. What the women in my community said “I do not have a lack of confidence or motivation. I really think I need someone to help me with the marketing piece.” ~ Sandra There you go. When I felt stuck in my business and I just wasn't moving on something, even though I knew “I could probably figure this out” or “I have a team and someone could do this”, I just didn't want to be the one to oversee it, so I invested. At one point, I invested five grand just to have someone build out a Facebook ad, a landing page, and an email sequence. I know how to do all of that. I've done all of those things and my team can do it. But for some reason, I just wasn't doing it. I just wanted someone to take me by the hand and lead me because at that time didn't have the mental capacity to handle another thing, and that's okay. If you feel like, “I'm just not doing it, I'm just not making it happen”, okay, how can you? Maybe you have someone who actually just does it for you or someone who holds your hand to do it. I know when I first learned Facebook ads, I hired someone. I took their course. I was learning how to do it. Then I thought, “Oh, no, I need more support.” Then I hired her and we did laser sessions so I can ask specific questions. I realized I was stuck because I was unsure if it was the right decision on each little thing. Is this the right audience? Is this how I click this button here? I wanted to be able to just run that by someone. Then I realized, I'm getting the information from her, but I just don't have the time to actually put it into place. Then I said to her, “Hey, I think I need to hire you to do this for me.” She laughed and said, “I was wondering when you’re going to ask for this type of help because I see how much you have going on.” My learning curve was so big, so it was quite a funny journey that I had to go on, I'm going to learn this, then I'm going to get some extra support, and eventually I'm just like, ‘You know what, you just do it.’ Now that I have my two VAs, I've been very blessed to be able to have them just do it.
Sometimes we're just in that decision fatigue. But I'll tell you when you're stuck, and you realize what is making you stuck or you have help to realize what's making you stuck, you can then get moving. But then you have to seal the deal by making a decision. I did this by saying:
As soon as you make a decision and take that first action, the joy of this part is it builds your confidence. The confidence causes you to act again and again and again. The truth is, you will probably get stuck again, but you just go back to these steps in order to move you forward. Why I wanted to write about this stuck topic I am seeing this in so many clients right now:
There is a lot of stuckness right now. I feel like we're not flipping out of feeling stuck because we've spiraled down and almost corkscrewed our way in so deep that it feels really heavy to come out of it. It feels hard like we have to dig ourselves out, and that feeling of, “I just don't know what to do” or “I just can't do it” or “Why am I not doing it digs us even deeper?” I wanted to be able to free more people from that stuck feeling. Let's look at more examples Here are more examples from the women in my community:
I agree. The world does feel stuck, especially with all the negativity, atrocities, and tragic events that are happening in the world. It feels really heavy.
I think it's more falling forward. You’re very welcome. I don’t want people to feel stuck.
First, just figure out what the stuckness is, and it's going to help you to move forward.
If you haven't reinvented in the past, look back and ask yourself what helped me last time to make this happen easily?
Probably hiring someone to help you with the marketing or let's go with the marketing strategy that you know, and that has worked for you in the past. Because maybe something like Facebook ads is too much of a big learning journey. Instead, going and speaking on a podcast would be helpful because you love to be in the zone helping others.
You are a thinker, so sit with it until you have a little clarity make a choice and take action and make a choice. Sometimes the action that you take can be with a little fine print that says, “I'm going to try this out for right now until it doesn't feel good anymore.”
Because you're probably focusing on it. Your attention is on it. When my knee was injured or if we get a diagnosis or something else is happening to us that is concerning, I get that it can be all-consuming. We need to consciously move away from it and put our focus and attention on something else. I went down a little bit of a rabbit hole when the whole Hamas tragedy on October 7 and I was focusing on it and focusing on it and looking at things and I had to pull myself out of it and I had to focus on the things that mattered most to me and the things that brought me joy.
Fill your life with the things that bring you joy when something else is feeling heavy so that you can start to pull yourself out. We might not be able to solve the stuckness or the problem, but what we can do is offset some of that. When we look at the Wheel of Life some areas might be low and we can't fix them. Maybe we can’t make your marriage any better right now because your partner is away for six months in another location. We can't see them so it's really hard right, and so we say, “It’s okay for now. I can't move that up. But can I focus on closeness with my friends right now, or with my other family?” We can look at the other areas to pull ourselves up. If you're stuck, don't keep yourself stuck in that place.
Okay, you want to get unstuck now. Good. Amazing. Wrapping Up To wrap up, here are some of the takeaways of the women in my community.
Yes. Because that is a loop. That is a hamster wheel that just continues on, but if you look for what is the exit out of that, that's most important.
Yeah. Sometimes that means turning things off. If you're stuck and there are things in your life that are causing more negativity, maybe there are certain people in your life, certain situations in your life, maybe you have to turn the volume down on those things a little bit. You can turn your attention away from them and instead, ask yourself what fills you up and then go do more of that. If what fills you up is crafting, hiking, or sitting around the campfire with friends, do more of the joyful stuff so that you can be in that place of feeling good, which will give you energy to be able to handle the places you feel stuck.
Take care of your energy though. As always, if you ever feel like I can support you to point out that thing that's right in front of you, or to help you work through things, it's not weak to get help. It is smart to get help. Even if you think, “I know what to do”, but you're not doing it, you're not implementing, you're not moving forward. Just like how I hired a coach for my health journey, and I hire coaches for different parts of my life, I would be, honored to serve you and work with you. I'll tell you this, too. I'm a strong, confident person. You probably have strong confident people in your life, and you could be one of them, too - A type, driven, successful. Check in on them. They could be stuck on something, and you would never know because they are suffering in silence. Because they're caring for everyone and everything in their lives. It is so appreciated when other people ask them:
Reach out to that person in your life that you've been feeling like you should reach out to, just say, “Hey, thinking about you. How are you doing?” I know it could make the world of a difference to them. P.S. Don’t miss out! Watch my next live in the Dynamic Women Global Community Facebook Group. I’ll be there answering your questions and talking about the topics that are most important to you. Read my other blogs:
Are you wanting to ditch the stuck feeling for good? I recently went live in my Dynamic Women Global Community on Facebook and interacted with some of the members and talked about this stuck feeling. It sucks terribly when you feel like you can't get out of the muck. Maybe you have felt like that or feel like that now. There's no right turn showing itself, but you want to make progress. Then why are you sabotaging yourself? I am going to share a little bit with you about what has worked for me to get into action and find the motivation to ditch the stuck feeling for good. This is a work in progress, and I'm not giving you a one-solution-fits-all approach. I'm going to go through some of the processes I use in order to be able to get unstuck. I've had times when I've been crazy stuck for months or even years. Then I've had other times where I'm just stuck for 10 minutes. This process can be used in any of these situations, in any length of time, and in any area of life. A little backstory I host the Dynamic Women Global Community. I started the community back in 2013 to meet my need for not just surface-level networking but for a deeper connection with other women in business. I noticed that some of my clients were being looked over for their profession because other people were treating them like a sale or as less than. So I knew I wanted to create a space for women to come together and be respected. I also started this because when you’re older, it’s harder to make new friends. If you try to form a friendship with people in business by inviting them for coffee, you can seem too forward or that you want to sell to them, and it's uncomfortable. We started as a live event community. I was running it in eight different cities, so eight different locations and eight different events every single month. Now because of COVID and a bunch of other reasons, we are online. What is it to feel stuck How you know when you're stuck? If we are trying to go and do something or if we're trying to make something happen in our business or our lives, maybe it's a big goal we've had like:
…whatever it may be, you could feel that, “I'm not moving forward”, and it's horrible, and the longer you stay in that feeling of not moving forward, it’s going to start to completely erode your confidence. It's going to have you doubt yourself more. Limiting beliefs are going to come in. You have to switch yourself out of feeling stuck. You HAVE to before you get stuck there. I'm going to give you a one-size-fits-all in one regard, but it has to be customized to you. As a certified life coach and the asker of powerful questions, I'll ask you questions today as well. But if you still feel like this is not enough, I really encourage you to reach out to me by sending me an email at diane@dianerolston.com. For me, I can't get unstuck a lot of times by myself, even though I'm using my own practices that I use on my clients because it's in the conversation with someone else, especially a trained professional which helps you move forward. You're feeling stuck. You're not making progress. You're not moving forward. You may feel like the right solution isn't presenting itself, or “I don't know what the next step is.” Or you might be asking yourself, “Why am I sabotaging myself? Why am I not moving forward? Why am I not doing the things I know I need to do?” In my previous blogs, I've talked about how it took me forever to be able to start my health journey. Now, in my case, I didn't have the right motivation. Maybe you're also stuck because you don't have the right motivation. When I was younger, the motivation was, “I am going to get healthy, so I look good.” Honestly, I kind of care about looking good. It wasn't happening for that reason. Am I motivated to lose weight because it's important to my health? I knew that that was true, but didn’t motivate me. I want to get healthier and lose weight so that I can fit into my clothes. Well, I wanted that, but I just kept buying bigger clothes. I was looking for the right motivation to get unstuck. Even seeing photos of myself wasn't the piece that pushed me. When I looked at photos, and I surprisingly said, “Oh my goodness. I don't know I looked like that,” that still wasn't the right motivation. I was stuck in all of these places because I hadn't done enough deep work to figure out what my motivation was. Now the universe gave it to me by injuring my knee and then talking to an orthopedic surgeon about my knee. The only thing that we could do is strengthen around the knee and lose weight.
Ask yourself right now. For what you're wanting, what is your motivation for going there? Maybe you haven't found the right motivation. Ask yourself, what is your WHY for this thing you're wanting?
When we tap into that deeper why, that creates the motivation that gets us into action. Finding the reason why you’re stuck Here are some reasons for feeling stuck which were shared by the women in my community:
Let me go into the reason why you're stuck. The one thing I do is I ask myself, “What am I stuck on? What is causing me to be stuck here?” I'm going to give an example of writing my very first book Dynamic You, which is the nine pillars of a dynamic woman. Why was I stuck on it? I was just not writing it. Here are some questions to find out WHY you are stuck: #1: “Am I stuck because I don't have enough information?” Meaning, maybe I don't know how to write a book, or I don't know what I'm going to write about. I don't know if I should self-publish. I don't know if I should go through a publishing company. I don't have enough information to move on this. When I look at Lilian's “feeling stuck on launching something new”, so this is maybe a new program or a new offering. She could ask herself, “Do I have enough information to know how to launch it, to know what I'm launching, to know the best marketing strategy for doing it, to know if my audience will actually buy it? Is there some information I need there?” Lisa says that she feels stuck about reinventing herself. Again, is there not enough information on what the next steps could be or how to get the clarity? #2: “Is this the right decision?” The next thing to ask yourself is, “Is this the right decision?” With Paula’s example about reimagining what she’s going to do for her dissertation, so she went one route and thought, “This doesn't feel like the right decision”, so now she's going a different route, and needs to ask herself, “Is this the right decision?” We can feel stuck because the right decision hasn't presented itself yet. I'll tell you, I’ve experienced being in that place of stuckness for years. Every time I thought I gained some traction, I'd have life hit me with something major, which caused me to have to pause:
Just check in with yourself and ask yourself, “Is this the right decision that I'm making?” Like for Paula, “I'm going to do my dissertation on this topic. Is this the right decision?” If you're 80% there, you just have to choose the first small step. If you are really doubting it, the only way you're going to know is to take the next step or to take a further step back. Either way, get some support to talk it through so that you can see all options because maybe your blinders are on or to have someone else say what they see in you. Because like the Les Brown quote, “When you're in the frame, you can't see the picture.” Many times I have been wondering, “I don't know what the answer is. I'm looking for it. I can't find it. What is it?” A coach has said to me, “Isn't it this? Isn't it this thing right in front of you?” and I've replied, “Ah, you're right. It totally is.” Having someone else say that to me has been so helpful. You either don't have enough information or you don't know if it's the right decision. #3: Do I have enough confidence? The next reason why you may be stuck is that you don't have enough confidence. “Well, I don't know if I can market myself to clients because I don't know if I'm good at it enough.” Or it might be, “I'm feeling not so confident in what I'm offering.” Check in with how much confidence is there and maybe where it's lacking, you might need to have a little bolster or a little boost. #4: Are there people disagreeing? The fourth thing might be that other people are disagreeing. Lisa said, “Each time I think I find a rhythm life throws me another in a different direction, time availability, availability changes, and I have to rethink things. Makes me feel stuck thinking about reinventing again.” Maybe as she even reinvents herself, she has someone else say, “Are you sure about that?” It's really funny because even though I have already lost 40 pounds, there are still other people who are trying to tell me what I should do:
I think, “Wait a second, I've done this for six months. I've followed a coach, her plan and I'm getting crazy good results.” People are trying to get me stuck again. Now thankfully, I have enough traction and progress that other people disagreeing or giving me other ideas doesn’t phase me. I'm just like, “Whatever, not interested.” Check in on these 4 areas to see, What makes you stuck? Even just looking at what Sandra has said, she’s stuck getting clients and marketing to get more clients. I feel like that could be a confidence thing. That can also be a not enough information to know if you're doing the right steps. Maybe you don't have a plan. But she then said, “I'm happiest when I'm in the zone and helping others.” Yeah, you're in your zone of genius when you're doing the stuff you’re good at. It might be time to hire out the rest. The thing about being a business owner is we have all of these other positions we have to hold to have the business run. I love doing my videos, and recording my podcast. I love speaking to you. I love sharing this. This is my zone of genius. Me sitting behind a computer and writing a book, not what I want to be doing. That’s why my blogs comes from my videos and podcasts. (I edit the transcript that my VA has formatted for me.) Why I felt stuck writing a book I'm going to talk through my example of writing a book and how I felt stuck. I already gave the example of my health journey, and how I was stuck for a long time, and how I eventually got the right motivation. I was stuck writing a book. Why? Because my perception of writing a book was I need to sit behind a computer, and I need to type by myself and write. I did not have enough information. I didn't know there were other ways to do a book. Am I making the right decision? I knew I was making the right decision to write a book. I didn't fully have the right motivation either. Did I have enough confidence writing a book? Not really because I don't feel like I'm an amazing writer. I don't enjoy writing. It's funny because spelling was my worst skill, yet I majored in English at university as one of my majors. (I did a double major.) Then other people were saying I needed to write the book, and a lot of people were telling me that writing a book is really hard. It's not. You just need the right strategy in place. I didn't know the strategies to write a book. I didn't know the ease of writing a book. Do you know what eventually unstuck me? A deadline. I needed a deadline. Sometimes that's just the way to get you unstuck is just to make a fricking deadline for it. My deadline was kind of imposed on me. I was speaking on the phone with the organizers at a women's conference in Washington State that wanted to bring me down to open and close a big conference for women. I was jazzed. They're going to pay me my full fee, fly me in, and cover a couple nights at a hotel, all this amazing stuff. Then I realized at the time, I didn't have a visa to work in the States. I wasn't allowed really to go and speak. There was a chance I could get turned away at the border. In the last second, I said, “Okay, well, actually, I have a different idea. How about we do this where you buy enough copies of my book for everyone in the audience and we’ll have that Oprah moment, ‘You get a book, you get a book, and you get a book’. Then I'll come in and speak for free.” They were floored, “Oh, my gosh, that's so generous of you. Are you sure? We can pay your fee and buy the books.” I'm like, “No, no, no, let me do this for you.” They said, “Give us the link, and we'll go and buy them today.” I said, “Oh, I'm just re-editing it. I'll let you know when the link is live.” I hung up the phone, called my friend and said, “Well, I guess I have to write my book now.” There's a bigger, bigger version of that story, but that's the quick version. I'm telling you this because the deadline forced me to write the book. For Lilian who's feeling stuck on launching something new, you just got to put it out there and put a date on when it's happening. As soon as somebody puts money out for it, then you got to do it. In my case, I knew I had to have the book at that hotel for that big event in just 90 days. The first time I saw the book was when I opened the box in my hotel room the night before I spoke. It was exciting! For my next approach - the “How Can I” approach. I will talk about it in my next blog, so stay tuned! P.S. Have you joined the Dynamic Women Global Community? It’s a free online community for female business leaders to come together to connect, share, grow, and be inspired! Read my other blogs here:
Are you afraid or hesitant to step out of hiding and be more visible in your life? I had the courage to stop hiding. I feel called to come and talk about how I got the courage to stop hiding. How I've been able to then reach the goal of really showing up fully as I am. It's a constant battle, I'll tell you that. I'm not always going to be able to show up fully. Sometimes, I have to muster new courage to be able to do it. Why you should care about this Why is this important? Well, not being visible is stopping you from achieving your goals. Not being visible means that you're inhibiting yourself from fully living the life that you want to live. Whether that's you hiding as a person or hiding in your business, or not being visible to the world, maybe in your relationships or in your community, it's holding you back. I know because I've been held back, and it feels crappy in these moments. But somehow through a few different ways I'll share with you, I was able to persevere. I want to share with you how I got the courage to stop hiding. What makes me want to share about this? It's because I keep meeting A-type, driven, and successful women who say things like:
You've heard of “tall poppy syndrome” or “crabs in a bucket”. Basically, the idea that when you stand out, people are going to take you down. Just look at the hate online from trolls. The cowards behind their computer screens, typing away and saying such hurtful things. My experiences Well, since I was a kid, I've been very blessed. God blessed me with skills, the ability to learn easily at school, the athleticism to play sports, and the confidence to be able to do things like public speaking and be the captain or the president of different groups. I know that I was given some innate skills, but I also worked my butt off to achieve by doing these things.
I did all of these things to be better, which then meant that I wasn't able to hang out with the other kids at lunchtime because I had a meeting or I was catching up on some work because I knew I had sports after school or clubs or something. That meant in high school, I felt left out. On the weekends, there would be parties and events happening. This was before the day of the cell phone, and so I'd sit at home on a Friday or Saturday night waiting for the phone to ring, and the phone wouldn’t ring, and I'd call people and they'd have already left to go out for the night. On a Monday, people would say, “Where were you?” Everyone thought that everyone else was inviting me out. Now, that a sad, unfortunate thing. It's not that I was bullied. But yet, I felt left out. I was called a “brown noser”. People told my friends, “Oh yeah, she's just a perfectionist and teacher's pet and all that.” But my friends really knew me. Thankfully, they spoke up for me. Then when I was invited to go and play for a boys’ soccer team, they did not accept me. When I was playing indoor with boys, and I would take the ball away from them, they would cuss me out and use very inappropriate sexual words towards me, and I've spoken about these in other blogs and podcast episodes. I'm just going through a list of these and maybe you've had some of these experiences. In high school, when I was running for student council president, there was a guy who was also running for it. He wasn't a part of anything in school, he just wanted the title. He made up lies about me which split the graduating class’ votes and forced a lot of the school to have to choose to follow him or me. Then I thought, when I won, it would go away. Nope, it just got worse. I was basically slandered in school. In my business, I've been wrongfully slandered. One of her connections told me, “She does this to people when she’s jealous of their success.” I know it was slander because the lawyer told me it was. I just chose not to put negative energy back into it. It’s sad these things happen. It could be happening to you, too! While you may not have had these specific cases, you may have felt like,
This happens over and over again and repeatedly in moments where we don't want to speak up and we don't want to be fully ourselves and we stay hiding because it's just easier. Then we throw COVID into the mix. Well, that's hard to step out of. I totally get it if you're flying under the radar. I get why you don't want to be visible. I get why you're hiding. But we don't want to be in hiding anymore. I must keep checking myself,
Am I worried about things?
That's not even counting in the possibility of, what if this doesn't work? What if it does? I when I deliver a keynote, and women come up to me with tears in their eyes, and they say, “Oh my gosh, I felt like you were speaking directly to me. Thank you for sharing that story. Thank you for pointing out these things. I could see the emotion on you, and boy, did it change me.” And when I read comments, thank you cards, or emails that have been sent to me, and they say things like, “Diane, you've changed my life. Your program is the thing that gave me confidence. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be where I am today.” When I'm coaching someone, and they tell me, “Diane, last week when this situation happened, I heard your voice. I heard your voice in my head. It gave me the clarity of what I had to do based on what I remember you saying.” I know these moments are life changing for my clients. This is why I am not hiding. This is why I'm visible. These moments are possible when you're stepping up, you're stepping out, you're visible, and you're doing the amazing work you're doing. Or you're not getting this response, and you're missing out on it because you're hiding. It's important that we are visible. It's important that we are visible as our unique selves. How did I get the courage to stop hiding? Because I look at the thank-you cards. I read what they say. I look at the faces of the women at my events. I know they are way more important than the crap I could face from others. Shining You have to be visible. Now to which degree are you visible? That's up to you. This is one of the pillars in the Dynamic You Program is around shining. I'm not going to go fully into it. But the first stage of shining is hiding. You're not visible at all. You're not out there. People don't know you. People don't know what's going on. Maybe based on the past few years with what's going on in your life, you are hiding. But it's hurting you because it's like the little spark has been distinguished. I've had moments where my spark has been a full-on flame. I've had other times when it’s at risk of being blown out or it already is. It's important you get to put yourself out there in a way that feels safe. You have permission to do that. I have had many opportunities that have put me out there. Things like being on podcasts, speaking on summits, being in collaborative books, and being interviewed. I was just interviewed by Jack Canfield a few weeks ago and I held a watch party for it! (If you want to watch the replay, email my team at team@dianerolston.com.) It's important to put yourself out there in a way that feels safe. Maybe you're not a, “I'm going to get on stage with 20,000 people” sort of be out there. That's okay, and you're not going to be the mayor of your city. That's okay. You're maybe not going to start your own podcast, and that's okay. Standing out for positive things is really what I mean. Which positive things? Whatever you're passionate about, whatever you're an expert in. They’re the positive things, right? I don't want you to stand out because you did something bad or because you're a bully. Stand out for the things that your clients, your customers, your family, and your friends have grown to love about you. If you're standing out because you have blue hair, and you crack really great jokes, or you stand out because you make a mean apple pie, wonderful. Stand out for positive things. Wrapping Up I hope you take what I've said and see how you can have the courage to stop hiding and know that it's a process. I go into hiding sometimes. I come back out. I go into hiding, I come back out. The key thing is going into hiding should just be to preserve your energy, so you can come out and SHINE again! P.S. Grab the Dynamic You Book to learn more about the different pillars. Then stay tuned for the Dynamic You Program! If you'd like to know when the next program is coming out where I lead you through the nine pillars of being a dynamic woman, where shining is one of them, then please email team@dianerolston.com. Read my other blogs:
Have you ever felt like you've given your power away? Maybe you didn't even know you were doing it until someone pointed it out. That happened to me recently, but you know what, you can stop giving all your power away. What is “IT” I didn't give you specifics in this blog title because I didn't want the IT that I felt or happened to me recently to be the thing that stops you from reading. Here are some examples of what that IT could be (what we could be giving our power to). It can be:
How IT showed up in my soccer team I saw someone on my soccer team give their power away to an opponent. The person on the other team was being lippy. If you're in competitive sports, you know people try to get under your skin and when they can get under your skin, it throws you off your game because you're so focused on them and…
His can cause you to not play your game as you normally would. In walking off the field, a player on my team was really giving away her power by talking about all the things about this opponent, instead of resting and/or being in the moment of camaraderie around how well we did that first half. She was complaining. Instead of listening to the coach with the strategy for the next half, she was not just complaining, but oozing negativity, and it was starting to impact me to the point where I said, “I get it. You're frustrated. But let's leave that on the field and let's start fresh here.” How IT happened to me recently Now that's not what happened to me recently. But this is how someone in a certain situation could give away their power. Maybe you give away your power to someone who puts you down.
You give away your power, and you don't show up powerfully at that moment. What was shocking for me is the thing that I was giving my power away to on this particular morning was a piece of glass, a little bit of digital electronics, and some metal. I was giving my power away to a scale. Now for some of you, you know that I've been on this health journey. To give you a timeline: On May 5th, I hurt my knee. I tore my lateral meniscus while playing soccer. The sport that I've played since I was probably four. I love it so much. One of the only things that we can really do for this type of injury is to strengthen the muscles around it, do physio, and lose weight. The other option is just don't play soccer anymore. For me, that's just not an option. I just love it too much, and I gave up rugby earlier than I wanted to. On June 5th, I decided that I would start working with a coach. Her name's Nicole Doumont. (If you want a personal introduction, I can give that to you. If you want to just reach out to her, just say I sent you so that she knows you're one of my connections, and she'll treat you extra special.) I started working with a coach because I believe that if we really want something in our lives, we need to work with a coach to get there. I know what to eat. I know what to do. But she had different strategies for me, accountability, support, acknowledgments, and could troubleshoot for me. She could do all of that. I started working with her, and I've been on this amazing journey where I've been just getting rid of so much weight. I'm probably down to about 40 pounds now, which is phenomenal. I'm really excited about it. I'm feeling great. I did a podcast episode on how I lost 20 pounds, but I think by the time that came out, I lost another five pounds. But anyway, just a few weeks ago, on Thursday, I had Pilates and soccer practice. Then on Friday night, I had a soccer game, and then we did a double that weekend, so back to back games. We played then on Sunday morning. At the end of Friday's game, both my calves seized muscle cramps, and I had to go off at the last minute. I was very worried that I wouldn't be able to play on Sunday. I was very scared about that like, “Oh my gosh, how can I physically do this? Can my knee handle something else, a fourth thing in such a short period of time?” It was actually great. I had an amazing game. I did so well. I was so proud of myself. Now, this is based on my limited capacity right now. I was really happy with how I did in spite of my knee. So, where did I give my power away? Well, I had started feeling great physically and athletically. I came home and I went and grabbed my kids, and we cleaned up all the leaves at the front of our house. Then I went and helped my daughter clean her room. I was high on endorphins. Life was good. I was feeling good about myself. I had hope again - hope that I could do well at soccer. Then I woke up in the morning, the scale said I gained three pounds. What? But I exercised? What? But I did all these extra things. What is going on? I am physically getting better and stronger. My knee is not inhibiting me as much. How come I gained weight? I was so pissed. I was upset. I was frustrated. At first, it was frustration and anger, and then it turned into sadness, complete sadness for how I jumped up again. There was a special number that I crossed over. It was like a goal of mine to cross over this specific number, and I got back over that number. I was really upset, and I came down and my husband was home and I hugged him and I just started crying. I went from such a high to such a low that I messaged Nicole, “I went up yesterday, and today I'm over again. Is this because I over-exercised?” and I shared about the different things. “That's the only difference from the plan. I'm still working on having more water, getting better sleep, and these have never affected my weight previously. And so what's going on? Is there a whoosh coming?” (Whoosh means a big drop) She thanked me for being open with her. This is again why it's good to have a coach so you can go and bring your mess to them. She said, “Definitely could have been overexercising.” I did actually end up missing a meal too. I didn't skip a meal on purpose. I missed a meal just based on the timing and I said, “Yeah, you know, I felt so great yesterday at soccer. Maybe it was so much soccer in the four days. I thought my knee wouldn't be good, but it was, and it gave me hope for the future.” The other thing I was proud of myself for is that our soccer coach on Friday night bought pitchers of beer and I didn't touch them. I had club soda and lime and, my team members had chicken wings and nachos and fries. I didn't have any of that. I had a salad and a burger wrapped in lettuce. I was so frustrated. It made me think (this is where we get in the screw-it mentality), “Why did I bother not having beer on Friday since I gained weight anyway?” It makes us have these doubts. When we give the power to something, it makes us doubt ourselves, potentially we’ll get off of course. One thing that she said to me was, “Don't give the scale all the power.” I said, “Don't give the scale all the power. Hell yeah!” Okay, I've snapped out of it. I realized I was giving this digital number on a piece of glass, plastic, and metal the power. Like, what the hell? I have dropped over 30 pounds. I'm feeling better. I just had an amazing weekend of sports. Give the power to the progress! What is your IT I ask you now, what is IT for you? Where are you giving your power away?
What happens when we give up this power? It stops you from making progress. I was ready to say screw it. I was so ticked. Like what's the point, right? I got into a little pity party with myself. When you give away your power, it stops you from believing in yourself. It can take away hope. It can make you say, “Screw it.” It can make you give up. It could have pushed me to go and binge. It’s not what I would normally do. But it might make me go on to say, “I'm going to eat everything because it doesn't matter.” I’d give up on my goal. The Solution What can we do so we don't get into this place of giving away all of our power? #1: We ask ourselves, “Where do I give away my power?” Or the question could be:
Sometimes I feel like I'm dumbing myself down in rooms where people are very successful because I feel like I've still so much to learn, but so do they. I maybe don't stand in my brilliance. I don't own the successes that I've had. #2: When you figure out where you’re giving your power away, also ask yourself, “What is that costing me?” For me, if I really fed into this, this could have cost me my progress. It could have cost me a few weeks. It could have cost me this whole goal of losing weight and being able to play soccer. #3: Ask yourself, “Where do I want to put my power instead?” Hopefully, the answer is yourself. #4: The next question is, “What am I going to do about it? Now that I know this… now that I have this information, what am I going to do about it? Wrapping Up If you're in a position of giving your power away, I really hope you have someone like Nicole - a coach or someone who can call you out and say,
I've had moments in my life where I've had people badmouth me. People talk behind my back. Not get promotions. Am I going to give that all the power? No. Have you ever had someone say “no” to you when you are trying to sell? Have you ever had someone choose to hire someone else when you know you're better? Have you ever missed out on an opportunity? Yeah, but that doesn't mean that that takes all of your power away. Instead, it should fuel you. The word coming out of your mouth is “Next”.
For me, it was “Next day”. Next day, and next day, and next day, and next day where I'm choosing to have a healthier life. Because I know it's what I want. Usually, when you give your power away, it is not for things that you want. I encourage you to take a hard look at every area of your life, every situation, every person, and ask yourself:
What I wish for you is that those around you actually boost your power and evolve your power. There's a thing that Brendon Burchard said when I was at his Experts Academy, “Power plants don't have energy, they create it.” So the same thing you can think about is maybe you feel like you don't have the power. Well, power plants don't have the power, they generate it themselves. They create it. What I encourage you to do is if you're feeling a little bit powerless, is to start generating power for yourself. Make those strong decisions. Even if it's, “What am I having for breakfast?” Rather than an energy of, “I don’t know, maybe I'll see what someone else is having.” Why don't you just decide? Tap into what you want, and choose to have that for yourself. Stop giving “it” all the power, whatever “it” is. Don't give your power away and step into what you really want. I trust that there are some points here that made sense for you. I would love to see that in a comment or if it's a little bit too personal, feel free to reach out diane@dianerolston.com and let me know how this blog impacted you. P.S. A place I love to hang out, go live, and ask cool questions is my Dynamic Women Global Community Facebook Group. I’d love for you to be a part of that group! It’s free to join. :) Read my other blogs:
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