Do you judge yourself or have you seen someone you love to judge themselves?
Every woman needs to stop judging themselves. Women can be so good at judging themselves in these ways:
The worst part is we never have enough appreciation for ourselves, and we don't celebrate who we are.
I judged myself…
Let me first tell you a story of where the judging of myself came to just the ultimate low point.
I was taking a five-day program, and it was all about how to be a fantastic presenter, a great speaker, and really polishing our skills so that we could present our material.
Before I got there I thought… “I got this in the bag. I'm going to do well at this.” I love speaking and I love perfecting this as a craft. A couple days in I'm put in a group with four other people. We all have to present on a topic that is not any of our expertise. We also have to put the material together, and then present it to the group.
When we went to present, one of the people in our group was feeling sick. I ended up taking on their piece as well. As we went through our presentation, I ended up telling a story about my grandmother and started crying. Not just a regular cry, but a full-blown ugly cry. Now, I didn't know I was gonna cry. It just kind of came up. Because of the tears and trying to rein in my emotions, I ended up talking longer than I should have and took some of the next speaker’s time.
So as I was speaking I started judging myself:
The whole point of this presentation was to get feedback from the two instructors, and I really respected them. They're amazing presenters. They speak to tens of 1000s of people. I really valued their opinion. So when we were done, each presenter would get feedback so we could improve.
Even though I went into it thinking, “Okay, I'm going to do well” I completely flopped on my face, so I had a long list of all the things I did wrong that I knew they were going to come at me for. I totally was judging myself and I felt everyone else was too! The audience and my team members!
They went to the next person and gave them feedback on how they can improve.
Then they went to the next person, gave them feedback and were pretty brutally honest.
They started with the first person, gave them feedback and they kind of ripped into them a little bit.
When they got to me, I was so nervous as to what they would say. Probably confirming everything I was judging myself for.
The first thing the guy said was, “You are one of the top five people we've ever seen.”
At that moment, I started crying again. The woman said, “Did you not hear what he said? He is not usually the one to praise, but he said you're in the top five he's ever seen.”
I was so shocked. “Oh, I'm crying because I have a whole list of 10 to 20 things I did wrong… that I could have done better… that I'm embarrassed about… that I feel guilty about… that I'm judging myself on.”
What she said next shocked me. She said, “Diane, I wanted to see more of you.”
I replied, “But I took other people's time. I was out there too long.”
“Did you hear what I said, Diane? I wanted to see more of you.”
Then I shared a very deep vulnerable feeling I had about her, “I didn't even think that you liked me.”
All the other students were quiet.
She said, “No, why would you ever say that?”
“I don't know, I was thinking that… I was feeling that.”
Now we did talk further on that topic (but I’ll keep her part confidential).
The point is… look how bad I judged myself when others were seeing me in such a positive light.
I was there to present… to be the expert and to be a better speaker, but because I was judging myself so much I didn't fully receive their praise.
I had to spend some time really dissecting it.
Letting their compliments go into every cell of my being.
To remember… Here are two instructors…
who train on how to be an amazing presenter,
and they thought I was awesome.
Why did I judge myself so much?
Now I ask you, why do you judge yourself so much?
Is this the reason?
1) It started when you were young… when you or those around you compared you to others.
As a child, I was often compared to my brothers or compared to my classmates, or compared to the other kids on my soccer team.
The comparison to others is what society does to us. It pits us against one another when really we should just be looking at ourselves and asking what do we love about ourselves? But instead, we compare ourselves to others, that's part of judgment that’s taught into us.
We might hear it from:
Who says to us:
So maybe that's where the self-judgment started.
2) You are a perfectionist… you’re always asking yourself, how can I be better? How can I do better?
I often see perfectionism when I coach female business leaders because they are very driven, A-type and high achieving. They have a lot of goals and really push themselves to achieve them all. They’re always asking:
Just like my previous story, doing this can take the joy out of many experiences. It stops me from really loving and owning how far I've come in a specific task or situation. If it's the first time I’m doing something, if it's a time where I'm still a student, or I'm still learning, I don't acknowledge how far I've come because it's not perfect. There are ways I can be better.
3) You judge yourself against who you used to be.
How have you been better in the past? Write the answers down. What do your saboteurs tell you to list?
I’ll be honest… there are things about me that have changed… where I felt I was better before.
Maybe you're having these thoughts as well where you judge yourself against who you used to be.
Well, when you judge yourself, there are so many negatives that come out of it. Thinking… “I was better then. Why can't I be like that now?” is a hard place to be.
4) You have guilt when you do something for yourself.
Guilt shows up when you want to go hang out with your friends, enjoy your hobbies, hit the gym and even when you just want to have a shower.
It might not even be strictly for yourself. It might be going back to work and having the kids in daycare.
Even if you’re making the decision because your family needs the income or so that your kids can have ballet lessons or clarinet lessons. You're doing it for the good of your family, but maybe you still feel guilty
Instead, you may feel guilty because you're throwing in a frozen pizza and calling in for delivery. Even the idea of taking a day for yourself, a “Me day”, a day of no responsibility… the shame and the guilt of that, the judgment of “Who are you, to do that?”
Then when they get a promotion or when they launch a product, the saboteurs, the limiting beliefs come in saying,
It's full of judgment. What if instead, we could be full of ourselves, love ourselves to the point that we appreciate ourselves… flaws and all. How about we we celebrate who we are? That's what I want to see happen in this world.
Think of the space and energy you'll have to accomplish your vision and your dreams, and what you’re meant to do on this earth.
Imagine a world full of women who love themselves so deeply, who celebrate themselves and don't judge themselves every moment of every day.
So how do you get better at loving yourself? How do you put some steps in place so you can stop judging yourself? I've got four specific ones that I’ll share with you in my next blog.
For now, be surrounded by women who will not judge you BUT will support you. Join our free online community Dynamic Women Global Community and meet female business leaders who come together to connect, share, grow, and be inspired.
In my last blog, I shared with you three of the things that are stopping you from being organized in your life. Today, I will share with you the other two as well as the solutions you need!
The Last 2 Things Stopping You from Being Organized in Your Life
FOURTH: No plan or process to follow
You have goals, right? You're feeling like, “I know what I want to achieve.” But then you don't have a process or a plan to follow. Being organized is having a system, a plan, or a process to follow. If you're disorganized and you don't have a plan or a process, then you're just grabbing at straws… you're doing whatever pops up in your mind. Which is often reactive and doesn’t give you a great result.
There's no timeline. There are no milestones. There's nothing helping you to make sure you stay on track so that by the end of the year, or by the end of a certain realistic amount of time you've completed the action… you've completed that goal.
FIFTH: No accountability to reach your goals.
You may have goals, then you may have a plan. But do you have the accountability to ensure you get there?
The accountability to push you through the hard times?
The accountability to help you to see the celebrations, to see the wins and help you celebrate them?
Do you have accountability to know the right strategy to put in place?
Do you have the accountability just for those check-ins, checking points, and milestones?
You will be more organized when someone else is looking at what you're doing, or when you have to be accountable to someone else.
Now, why is this happening? Why are we feeling disorganized? Well, because we're busy. We are ambitious. There are lots of things that we want to do. But we need to have these things in place, right? Let’s recap.
To make it even easier… these 5 Solutions can be put all together in one to make you more organized and balanced.
But did you know that the #1 desire I hear from my clients, friends and business colleagues is that everyone is searching for the elusive Balance! (You too?)Being Perfect in every area of our life is not possible.
(I know I've tried!)
And because they don’t have balance, they are burnt out, overwhelmed and feel like they’re on a hamster wheel.
Something will always be OFF Balance. AND being balanced is not the only goal. You also want to feel satisfied, have your success be accelerated and live a life around what YOU truly want.
And I know how to make it easily possible...
But first, what's the cause of this problem?
The cause is women may have a business plan, but they don't have a LIFE plan. Specifically, they don't have a DYNAMIC LIFE BLUEPRINT.
The Dynamic Life Blueprint has been extremely important for my success and the success of my clients.
It’s a 3-Phase process so you have clarity on your foundation for balance and satisfaction, you’ll have confidence in your ideal vision for your business and your life, and you’ll get into action on your Dynamic Goals with clear focus, tools and techniques to ensure you have success.
And when followed the results are phenomenal:
Bottom line… you need to know how to properly create it and then how to use it. I will show you both in Dynamic Success Accelerator. This program will help you increase your success, money, and happiness by having your Dynamic Life Blueprint.
PLUS… There is new content and many free bonuses for you - like being in a book with me! Learn more about it here.
Read my other blogs here:
Are you dealing with chaos, clutter and a feeling of lack of control?
I asked the women in my Dynamic Women Global Community on Facebook, “What challenging thing are you working through these days?” One of the responses was “I'm not organized in my life.”
I'm hearing that a lot recently from clients and from people in my community. Let me ask you, “Are you dealing with chaos, clutter, and feeling a lack of control?” I get it because you have a lot going on. You’re busy with:
But first, what does being organized mean?
When I checked the Cambridge dictionary, it really comes into two areas:
(1) Making arrangements for something to happen. That's a verb. These are some examples that they gave:
(2) To do or arrange something according to a particular system.
You can see how organization can be organizing a thing/an event, or it can be in how you put things together.
For the woman who shared this in the group, I feel like she’s talking more about arranging her life, the processes in her home, office, etc. and then the processes and systems in her business. So as you read this you can think of those and also organizing areas like health, and personal development.
When we're not organized, things fall through the cracks, right? You forget that you had a meeting, or you can't find a specific paper or item that you needed, and it was really important. A lot of times it comes down to one of two problems:
I'm going to leave organizing spaces out of the conversation today. Instead, I’ll focus on areas of your life and over two blogs, I’ll share with you the five things that are stopping you from being organized.
FIRST: Trying to focus on everything
When you try to focus on everything, it seems like nothing ever gets done. You might end up being busy, but not productive. That’s a stressful place. Plus, when you bounce between multiple projects, it’s hard to complete tasks and the time from start to finish just takes forever.
It’s also difficult for your mind to be able to get back into it. Imagine, you were working on something, and then you left to work on something else. When you come back to it, you're going to be wasting time trying to figure out where to pick up where you left off. Aspects get missed. Steps in the process get missed. You can feel super disorganized.
SECOND: You're honoring other people's agendas.
A lot of times I hear from women that they're neglecting their health because they're honoring other people's agendas. There are just too many other things to do.
It’s ok to GIVE. But when do YOU, YOUR goals and YOUR agenda get to be at the top?
I see female business leaders who are really struggling because they have so many other people's agendas ahead of their own.
When you honor other people's agendas, you put yourself on the backburner. You end up at the bottom of your priority list. Naturally as a mom, wife, friend, and person who likes to serve, you put everyone ahead of yourself. You can then feel disorganized, even in what's going to be for dinner because you're busy serving others.
Are you honoring other people's agendas? Or is there enough time in your schedule where you're honoring your own agenda, your own goals, your own projects, your own desires, and hobbies and needs?
THIRD: You have TOO many goals or NO clear goals at all.
I see the extreme of both. On one side they have 50 goals they want to accomplish this year.
On the flip side, there are no goals. They maybe don't say, “I have no goals,” but they're working on things without having the goals being clear, without the goals being something they’ve planned out and are actively checking in with.
When you have too many goals, you set yourself up to be completely disorganized because you've got too many things vying for your attention. You’ll be trying to focus on everything!
When you have no clear goals, you end up having to focus on the closest fire or squeaky wheel. That's also not good because that's also a disorganized way to be. With no clear focus of where you're going to put your time, energy, money or your other resources.
In my next blog, I will share the other two things that are stopping you from being organized as well as the solutions that you need so stay tuned!
P.S. If you’re looking for a clear plan with goals you can easily focus on and attain, then the Dynamic Success Accelerator program is for you! Join here.
Read my other blogs here:
I’m just about to go to Vegas to meet my Mastermind group who I haven’t seen in person for over two years. Have you been? or is it on your Bucket list?
Back in my blog called, 5 Things You Should Do at least Once in Your Life! I actually had more answers, and since so many had to do with travel, this week’s blog is a curated list of the answers for your travel bucket list.
These are still suggestions from the women in my Dynamic Women Global Community on Facebook! Are you part of the group yet? It's free to join.
1. Travel to a different country. ~ Denise
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
I don't know how many times I have been to a place where the people haven't left. Even worse, they haven't even left their city, state or province.
You really need to go to a different country. The benefits of that are:
When I lived in Japan for three years, I learned a lot about their culture:
I've been to a bunch of countries, but a lot more to go because I slowed down after having kids. While in Thailand, I was supposed to go to some other countries in Asia as well, but I loved Thailand so much that I stayed there for over a month. I’ve also been to Australia, New Zealand, Italy, Spain, France, England, Mexico, and my neighbor, the US.
I have lots more to go! My list includes Finland, Portugal, Barbados, Jamaica, and any of those, really gorgeous beach countries.
2. Drive to Vegas. ~ Camille
I haven't driven to Vegas, but I've flown to Vegas. It's pretty close since I’m in BC, Canada, so I guess we could try. Plus it’d be great to have a car to drive around. The only longer driving trip I did was to drive across Canada, from Ontario to BC, to come out here in Vancouver. My boyfriend at the time, now my husband, was the one driving. We took 10 days to make it a nice journey.
I also drove around New Zealand in a car for about a month. I think it was mainly the South Island. When I was a kid, I went with my friend’s family from Ontario to Florida to go to Disney World. That was good.
So back to Vegas, my first visit wasn’t until I was in my 30s. I feel like I missed out on my party days in Vegas because when I went I was starting keto (so no sugar, low carbs etc) and so I didn't have a single drop of alcohol, which was interesting.
3. Go on a vacation solo. ~Sandy
I totally agree with this. I did a bunch of traveling around Japan solo. I then went to New Zealand and Australia solo. Three months in each. Those were awesome experiences. When you travel solo…
I think it's absolutely amazing. I also traveled to Thailand by myself. I met so many people while I was there, I traveled with some Aussies, for a while. I ended up adding on some different destinations with them. I also traveled and hung out with some Israelis and some Thai people.
I definitely recommend doing this. Just make sure you're safe, especially as a woman. Before you go, you can check to see how safe that country is based on your country's travel advisories. You want to make sure you understand their religious and cultural beliefs so you can honour them and not be a target.
Japan actually was a really great place to be able to travel by yourself. It's a very safe country.
4. Travel with a backpack and travel wherever the road takes you. ~Jacquie
I'm such an A-type planner. I have overly planned certain vacations. Some of the best ones are ones where I have a backpack and a very, very loose plan. It allows spontaneity. A lot of times when backpacked around, my mantra was if someone offers me an amazing opportunity, I'm going to say ‘Yes.’
When I was in New Zealand I had a few cool experiences: I did a radio show to talk about women's rugby in Canada. I was invited to do a bungee jump. I also went to a cricket match. A lot of cool stuff can happen when you are just “go where the road takes you.”
I don't know if I would travel with a backpack with my kids because they're still too young (7 and 10). I want them to be able to carry their own backpack. Right now, I'm a hotel-with-a-suitcase-kind-of-gal. But in the future, yes I’d love to.
5. Go on a weekend away with your friends. ~Rupinder
Girlfriend weekends are amazing!!! Also equally as awesome… Girlfriend overnight trips. Girlfriend weeklong trips. A lot of times, my friend, Michelle and I, will go to different learning places. It all started when she invited me to go to Brendon Burchard's event in California. Then I invited her to one and then she invited me back.
We're kind of each others’ plus one for a lot of these programs. It was so fun when we got to bring our other friends Kirsten and Tazeem with us. You get to just be silly and have fun.
I also spent a week in Hawaii with one of my friends and two of her friends who I didn't know. I definitely went into that with a little bit of apprehension, but I “designed the relationships” and it was amazing.
FYI - Designing relationships is a coaching term that is basically two people talking about how they will be in a relationship with each other. All relationships: sibling, parent/child, romantic, platonic, coworkers etc. You talk about what you need and want to be happy, how you hope each other will be, any guidelines needed for the time together. It’s one thing I help clients with and is the 8th Pillar in the Dynamic You Program and the Dynamic You Book.
These women didn't know me, and so on the first morning, they offered me coffee, but I said I drink tea first thing in the morning. Then the next day, one of them said that she had put the kettle on for my tea. That’s so caring and lovely.
6. Be somewhere where no one can speak your language. ~Marilyn
Or vice versa, somewhere where you can't speak their language. There were places I went where people didn't really speak English, or they were too shy to or they just decided they didn't want to.
It's so cool to stretch yourself and to see how you communicate with people through other means. If you can't pick up the language or you can't piece it together, somehow you both can use hand signals or sign language. It's a humbling experience to go somewhere where you don't know their language.
What I found in Japan is that not knowing how to speak Japanese fluently and very quickly meant that when I did go places and people were on the train chatting or on the streets and then in cafes, I could zone everybody out. It was just white noise.
But after three years, when I came back to Canada, it was absolutely overwhelming. I was understanding everyone's conversation. The first place I realized that was the lineup at the airport to get onto the plane. There were so many people speaking English. When I got to the airport in Canada, and I wanted to go pick up my first Timmies in a long time (Tim Horton’s is a famous coffee and donut shop in Canada), I could hear what people were ordering. Too much English! I felt like I couldn't handle it and just wanted all the white noise to come back.
But definitely a really cool experience to try a new language and be creative and patient in understanding each other.
Those are six things you can add on your travel bucket list! Which one will you do? Let us know in the comments! Better yet, join the Dynamic Women Global Community so you can share your experiences and be able to connect and learn with other dynamic women!
You probably know why you should invest in yourself. But do you know WHERE you should invest in yourself?
I often get asked by corporate leaders and business owners, “Where should I invest my time, money, and energy?” Because those are the three things that you're investing in, right? There might be other resources, like your team manpower, but three main things are time, energy and money. But where should you invest those things for your life and business success?
There are three different areas that you should invest in yourself as a leader to bring you the most benefits. I’ll share stories of leaders and clients I worked with who have invested in themselves in these certain ways and had great results.
1. Invest in Your Connections
Sara was feeling pretty lonely and unsure of herself. She felt a lack of belonging. When she did get into interactions, she was starting to feel a little bit awkward. Maybe you felt like that after COVID because things are very different now and you haven't been interacting.
Financially, this was causing her to not make the kind of money that she wanted. Also, she couldn't get ahead as easily. Maybe you're feeling that way, too.
What she decided to do was start attending events - events with like-minded women, other female leaders, and other business owners who she could connect with. What she found was that she was able to connect with someone who could specifically help her figure out crowdfunding.
It's funny because I actually connected the two of them by putting them in the same group for an activity, which was such a coincidence. In doing so, she felt more connected. She grew in her confidence. She got the answers that she needed, which helped her so much.
You should invest in connections, networking, and being with other people who you know you can help, where it can be a win-win, and they can help you too. Connections are so important.
What I've seen in clients I've worked with and in women that come to my Dynamic Women events, summits, trainings, and even with a group coaching program is that connection brings them so much.
It's really important to invest in your connections by attending events, being part of masterminds, group coaching, and/or programs. Different places where you get to connect and know a lot of cool people.
This also reminds me of the Jim Rohn quote, “You're the sum of the five people you spend the most time with.” Maybe you are looking to elevate your five and add some more people to the close network.
Now for the next story, I'm going to call this person Jen. Jen was wanting to start a very specific type of business, but she wasn't sure how to do things. It was holding her back. She kept saying she wanted to do this, but she wasn't moving forward. She felt hesitant.
What she realized was she was trying to reinvent the wheel. Maybe you've done this yourself.
Where is the 2nd place to invest your time, energy and money? In learning.
Not just any kind of learning, but practical application. There should be actionable steps. That's the type of learning that you want to receive so you know exactly what to do.
When Jen was able to listen to someone, teach her something, and follow their tips, (this wasn't even a program!), she was able to add $1000 in her profit to her bottom line in the following two weeks.
She easily put things into place by following those steps, and it was so much faster for her to get going. The key thing here is to invest in learning:
Right after Jen did this, not only did she feel like things went easier and faster, it also increased her confidence because she already knew the steps she was going to take were actually going to move her forward because they were successful for someone else.
I have seen other people save 1000s of dollars. One example is getting rid of some technology that they didn’t actually need.
I've seen people completely gain back hours of their week because they were able to follow a certain method or approach that someone taught. I've also seen people be able to bring in a new marketing effort, which has brought them new leads and new clients. This is all from learning from others.
I'm going to name this person Poppy. Poppy was feeling pretty stuck. She was feeling like her energy was being zapped and her confidence was starting to wane. She was at a high level and was a great leader. But she felt like she didn't have it all together.
She shared with me…
It was then causing her to not perform as well because she was doubting herself. She was thinking that she was the only one who was an imposter. She was keeping everything quite private to herself. But then what she did was she start listening to other people's stories, and she was investing in inspiration. This is the third one to invest in: inspiration.
In listening to one of my stories about where I sucked and where I didn't have it all together (I've got a bunch of those!) she realized successful women don't need to have everything together every second of every day. She said to me, “It's so refreshing to hear the honesty and the vulnerability that you're not perfect all the time.”
By continuously looking for moments and times to be inspired by others, she realized I don’t always have to be perfect. Then she was able to make it through a hard time because she was inspired to go for it.
Hearing great stories from others can give you permission to go for your goals. It can give you hope. I remember one day when someone said, “That gives me hope because you shared that story.”
I can give you probably 20 other ways to invest in yourself. But these are three things that you can do easily. It doesn't take a lot of time, energy, or money to be able to do these things.
Now, what are your next steps?
I’d say it’s to put all three together. All three are happening at the Dynamic Women in Leadership Summit. I've done it for you! I'm going to be fostering connections for you with other female business leaders. There are going to be lots of opportunities for connections with the speakers, experts and other women who are going to be in attendance. You can also connect with me by doing a Q&A session when you have one of the VIP tickets.
For learning, I have curated so many amazing experts who are going to help you to lead in many areas of your life and business with actionable steps. I don't want it to be just fluff. I'm going to ask them the right questions to pull out the secrets to their success, so you can replicate them. You’ll be supported as you go towards your goals.
For inspiration, we're going to ask the women to share their stories because the stories will stick with you in your mind. When the going gets tough, not just the tough gets going, but the inspired leader will continue to go forward.
Get your free tickets to the Dynamic Women in Leadership Summit happening June 3rd and 4th, 2022 from 9AM-5PM to connect, learn, and inspire. Even if you can’t make it to all of it or even some of it get a VIP ALL ACCESS ticket to have the recordings, bonuses and gifts mailed to your house.
Read my other blogs here:
1. What's it like being a Business leader and a parent
2. 6 Ways to Get Paid What You’re Worth
3. How NOT to feel isolated
Some time ago, I asked the women in my Dynamic Women Global Community what is something they think everyone should do at least once in their lives. Here are 5 of their suggestions (and my reaction to those!).
1. Dance in the rain. ~ Chantal
I feel like I’ve done this as a kid. Have you tried it? I don't think I’ve ever chosen to do it out of excitement or pure joy that it was raining. A lot of times when I am in the rain, it is because I'm playing soccer and I’d rather it not be! I might have danced in the rain at the Full Moon Festival in Thailand in my 20s, but now as more of a fair-weather girl, it's not necessarily dancing or by choice.
However, I do feel it's a great thing because it goes into that area of being playful. So often we’re a bit moany when it rains. But by dancing in the rain, you get to be free and have a little bit of fun.
I probably need to add that to my bucket list.
2. Skinnydip ~ Penny.
Well, I might have done this a few times, in a few different countries, in the night, and in the daytime. I’ve been to oceans, lakes, pools, and hot tubs - private and public.
But I have to admit I was not really showing everybody everything. It was always a private group of people or it was covering up and then uncovering at the last second.
Have you done skinny dipping? I think it's something that you definitely should try. I'm not a big be naked in public sort of person, so I don't know if I will be doing it much in the future.
3. Forest bathing. ~ Paula
Paula explained that forest bathing is a “quiet contemplative visit to a forest to sit still and focus on the energy you feel. It is both meditative and energizing.”
If you're going to go for a hike in the forest, you just need to stop and sit and take it in, hug a tree, touch the earth, or go barefoot if you can. It's amazing. Forest bathing is something that I first heard about when I was in Japan. It’s a well-known activity to go and do. The idea of just being completely surrounded and immersed in nature is a lovely experience.
I feel very blessed that I have so many different forests here in North Vancouver that I can enjoy. I've done it, and I hope you have, too.
4. Be present for a baby's birth. ~Michelle
Whether you’ve had your own baby or not, you should experience the miracle of watching a live birth. It’s absolutely amazing. I know it’s such a privilege that not a lot of people are going to be able to have. But maybe it could be the birth of an animal baby or at the very least watching one on YouTube.
I haven't seen someone else's birth in the room. I hope that in the future I'll be able to see my kids have their babies. My mom was there for my first baby's birth. For the second one, it was so quick that we just had to get to the hospital and once I was at the hospital, my son came 12 minutes after I arrived at the hospital. My husband was parking the car and wasn’t even in the room when he arrived.
It was great that it was quick, but also hard because it was done without any pain meds. It showed me how strong I can be… but I also never want to have a baby again, especially without pain meds.
5. Volunteer for those in need. ~Susan
Volunteering is something I have just gotten back into more consistently since my kids are getting older. I now co-lead a group of women at my weekly church group and use my public speaking skills to emcee there every other week.
My volunteering used to be a bit more sporadic. I would do single acts of generosity because I couldn’t make a long-term commitment.
For instance, with the different events that I'm holding I will give back to a charity, usually women's shelters or Family Services. I donate partial proceeds of ticket sales, and/or encourage guests to bring items that the women in the shelters would need.
Last Christmas, my church group put together blessing bags for the women on the east side in an area of Vancouver where there are a lot of homeless women or very low-income housing. We blessed them with these bags filled with goodies like beauty products, pajamas, and socks just so they can have some special and needed items for themselves.
I also volunteer by sharing my knowledge and giving trainings. For example, I presented at two Dream It Be It Conferences, which is a conference for high school girls to learn to follow their dreams and figure out what career they want. I also volunteer my speaking for different organizations like CAPS (Canadian Association for Professional Speakers). I really like when I'm invited to come and speak and use my gifts to support others in that way.
These are the 5 things that Dynamic Women Global Community suggested we should be doing some time in our lives at least once and so I'm curious which of these have you done and what would make your top 5 list?
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Are you focusing on the right things to bring you fulfillment and happiness?
We’re in the fifth month of 2022. Time has really flown so fast!
How has it been for you? Good? Rushed? Hard?
Let me share with you FIVE steps that will help make the rest of your 2022 happy and successful. These are the same steps that I share with my clients and I also follow in my own life. These are what have worked for me and I see working for female business leaders.
What will actually make you happy in 2022?
Did what you did in 2021 make you happy, feel fulfilled, and satisfied? This is a decision that you need to make for yourself.
What I often see happening is that people are choosing what society is marketing to them.
What are the things you feel society is marketing to you that will make you successful?
With my clients, we look at all 10 areas of life. This is something you can do, too. By doing this, we can really start to figure out what it is that YOU want? It's not what everyone else is forcing you to like.
We have a choice. But the sad thing is, so many people just go with the flow. So many people don't put an actual intention into… “What do I want for 2022?”
Maybe they pick a resolution. Maybe they pick some outrageous goal. That's great! However, it's not going to bring you fulfillment. I've worked with a client who with two other people built and sold a company for $75 million. His cut was $25 million. He was not satisfied. He was not happy at the end of that time.
It's sad. He could have bought anything. He could have had anything, but the true contentment and fulfillment, he couldn't buy. The sad thing is he didn't know what he needed.
This is the five-step process that I take my clients through that can really help you to know that for the rest of 2022, you're going to be focused on the things that will make you happy and feel content.
Step 1: Evaluate where you've been
It’s an evaluation of:
Most of the time, the mistake is that people only focus on the TOP milestones or achievements rather than looking really deep into:
The other mistake is not looking at both sides, the being and the doing, because if we only look at the doing (only the achievements and outward success), and not who we’re being then we miss the shifts in mindset, perspectives, and habits.
Acknowledging that will help you to be more successful in 2022.
Step 2: Have clarity on all 10 areas of life.
Many times people just set goals in life and business. But the thing is, business/work/career is only one of 10 areas. So if you're trying to balance work and life, life is always going to be heavier, but we so often put more time, energy, money, stress and focus on the work area.
You need to have clarity on what you want in all areas of life. Not just what you want, but what's ideal. If you do this process by yourself, you will succumb to limiting beliefs to saboteurs. You need to have someone go through this process with you so you get clarity on what you actually want in a way that's ideal, rather than just a way that's:
Step 3: Start creating a plan
Once you've evaluated where you've come from and you've taken the golden nuggets from that, and you have clarity on what you want in all 10 areas, the next piece is to start creating a plan.
Also, what I love to do with my clients is to look at which goals are dynamic goals, meaning you focus on one goal, and it helps your other goals to happen as well.
Why do we do that? Less stress, less energy, and less money needed. You can have many goals happen at the same time.
Step 4: You need to get into action
How is getting into action helping you to actually be happy in 2022? Because when we are in action on our plan, our goals, our desires, whose agenda are we fulfilling? OUR own agenda. YOUR agenda.
The problem is you're probably a very kind, generous, giving person who likes helping others. If you are not in action on your own plan, guess whose plan ends up in your calendar? Guess whose goals end up in your schedule book? Guess whose tasks end up being done by you? Other people’s!
Plus perfectionism, procrastination, saboteurs, they all come in. They can all stop you.
Part of step four is helping you to break down your goals into bite-sized pieces that are super easy for you to 150% attain. If you know no matter what, you're going to be able to achieve these things, it's going to be so much easier and so much more beneficial to you being happy and reaching your success in 2022.
Step 5: Accountability
This is the one that people forget. This is the one that people don't put into place and this is why women come to me and say, “I'm just not achieving my goal.” Or I meet people and year after year after year, they have the same exact goal they're just not reaching.
It’s not just simple accountability, like telling your friend you’re committing to do something. It’s being accountable to someone who's actually willing…
How will these steps actually make you happy?
Because when you're focused on the things you want to do, you have accountability for it, and you have someone cheering you on, you're more likely to achieve your goals.
That's my five-step process to get you happier in 2022 because you're actually going to be going after the goals that YOU want. You're going to be achieving things you internally desire, and not in just a realistic way, but in an ideal way, in that bigger way of what you want things to be like.
Please, please, please, please. Don't just let 2022 roll on because no matter what, time will go by. No matter what, you will be influenced by society and by others. Please do these five steps to be able to focus on what makes you the happiest and helps you to be able to move forward.
If you want to learn more about how to do this faster and easier together, schedule an initial consultation with me here.
In my previous blog, I talked about the three things that could be holding you back and causing you to struggle alone.
Now, let's see the three options that you have when you realize you’re trying to do it all yourself:
Option 1: Just keep doing everything yourself
You may choose to do this because you don’t feel you can invest the money to get help or there are tasks you can do faster yourself. But what I often see happen is that people end up suffering from procrastination because when you don't know how to do something, it SLOWS you down. Or when you have some limiting beliefs, perfectionism causes you NOT to do it, or your lack of experience means it takes you so much MORE time.
You might not be able to get a project off the ground, or work through it because you just can’t figure it out. This is why many podcasts don’t get published, businesses don’t get started or new products launched. This can even come into your life with not getting the reno done or your health goals met. If you do figure it out, the next challenge is not running out of time to get it done, like a proposal or a bid, or complete a contract.
An example of this is how many unfinished written books are there? I'm guessing millions. This does not include the ones that were abandoned because they were terrible. There are people who have a book, project, movie or a song in their soul and they don't get it out there because they're trying to do it all themselves. I received a call for coaching from a woman who couldn’t get her book done on her own. Even though she sat on her ideas for years, with coaching and accountability she had it written in 8 weeks.
This reminds me of going skydiving. When I signed up, they asked if I wanted to go by myself or do it with someone else. I didn’t need to be an expert at skydiving and yet, I can’t do it by myself. So I was willing to have someone strapped to my back who's going to make it happen for me. It was the fastest, easiest, and least expensive route. It was also the least stressful of the two options. It helped me to reach my goal of skydiving in a very short amount of time.
I wonder in your life:
So that's the first option: keep going it alone, but end up not doing it or it being hard.
Option 2: Hire someone to do the work for you
I know not everyone can hire, but there are lots of options out there.
I have hired people to set up my podcast and get it launched. I've hired people to do graphic design work for me. Those are not my core competencies. It was money well invested. Notice I didn’t say spent because I know I’d get a return on it.
Even if what they do doesn’t bring you money, it can save you time, energy and money by not making costly mistakes and in the speed at which experts can execute their craft. PLUS, it frees you up to do more income generating activities - thus increasing your profit.
This also will help you to be able to move forward faster.
I know that a lot of you would love to be able to have someone in the third option, to work alongside you.
Option 3: Have someone work alongside you
The benefit of someone working alongside you is they can SHOW you, so you can increase your skills and talents. When they show you and then you have the experience.
For example, I didn't know at first how to publish a book. I had someone walk alongside me and show me what to do. Then I was able to turn around and share that with my team member who then was able to publish the next book for my business.
Having someone work alongside you is such a great opportunity.
Do you want someone to tell you when you have broccoli in your teeth? A mentor, coach, or advisor - can point out that to you. They will let you know about mistakes that are on the horizon or if your mindset or limiting beliefs are holding you back. When your limiting beliefs are processed and you have the tools to deal with them in the future, you can then move the knowledge into any area of your life.
If you bring someone in to work alongside you, like a coach, a consultant, or advisor, you have two options:
Continual: You can have them help you over time with weekly sessions, bi-weekly sessions, monthly sessions, whatever it may be. Over time, you work through the things that are holding you back.
If you want to have support over time, then you don’t have to run your life, your business, your career all by yourself. It’s like boxing and having someone in your corner, ready to support you, ready to help you, ready to wipe off the sweat and give you encouragement and to tell you where to throw your next punch. Then coaching in a monthly capacity, where we do bi-weekly coaching with emailing between sessions is a really great option for you.
Intensive or Immersive: With this option, you have someone with you for one set period of time, like 3 or 5 hours. You're with them to build your experience or to go through a process. You can have them thinking for you, writing for you, creating for you and strategizing for you in the moment.
The beauty of this experience is that in this short, yet powerful time you can accomplish so much really quickly. Since you're with them they can bust through any limiting beliefs that come up. It then empowers you to be able to transfer that knowledge, skill, experience, and better mindset into the next situation.
If you want to go the route of immersive support, then a VIP day is really ideal for you. Some reasons why clients come to me for this:
I trust you now see, after not one but two blogs, how going it alone is costing you. My invitation for you is to bring me on your team either on a continual basis or with a VIP Day. Not sure which way is best for you to reach your goals? Let’s chat. Schedule a call with me and let’s see how we can work together.
If you are one of those high-achieving, Type A, smart, and successful women, ask yourself these questions:
This could be because you’re doing it all yourself. Or maybe, you KNOW that you can’t do it all yourself, and you have support, but doing things yourself is still affecting you in ways you didn’t realize.
This is one of the common mistakes or missed opportunities that I see in women that I’ve met.
Who is going it alone?
It's usually the women who are most capable. It's also women who don't feel like they're enough and then asking for help would just confirm that they aren't excelling in every area.
It’s also solopreneurs, entrepreneurs and small business owners. A lot of times it’s the women in high-up positions in the corporate world.
They believe that they need to be a lone wolf… that they need to do it alone. But the thing is, women are meant to be in a group.
We're meant to be in a community with others. If you look at the stories of successful people, it came from support from others. It came from a team.
Why do we keep trying to be a Superwoman?
Most of us suffer from Superwoman syndrome, where not only do we have to be amazing in our career, but now we feel pressure to be amazing wives, amazing sisters, amazing friends, amazing moms, and to also volunteer, leave a legacy, etc.
It's ridiculous. I keep having to check myself by asking, “Am I trying to do too much?” But what I'm noticing is that people are not only trying to be a superwoman, where you try to do everything and be awesome in every area, but now we're trying to be superheroes, where we want to be awesome in every area and with every title, but we now also will save everyone in the process.
You might disagree and say that you’ve hired people and you’ve got a team around you, but then:
Here are the three things that could be holding you back and causing you to struggle alone:
1. Your skills and talents
You are a talented woman and can figure things out, but you don’t have specific training in certain areas like accounting, funnel building or investing. I have coached women who don’t know how to make a financial budget. I've coached women who don't know how to do simple things with technology. They try to do it themselves by spending time trying to figure it out, watching YouTube, buying programs when it would have served them to hire someone to do it for them. Even if they did figure it out, the time used was more than an expert and the results were often not as good. Plus, did they even enjoy doing it? More than likely, not. Their time would have been better used on their core competencies and income producing activities.
2. Our lack of experience
How can you step up to do something when you haven't had experience doing it? For example, closing a big deal, speaking on stage, or firing someone. So yes, you can figure it out. Yes, you can fake it till you make it. But that can be super stressful. It can be harder than it needs to be. Having a mentor or coach walk you through it, give you tips on what you need to do or watch out for and support you is crucial to your growth and success.
3. Our limiting beliefs
The saboteur. The Gremlin. The shadow. Whatever you want to call it. It’s that negative self-talk and when we are alone it can circle around in our heads until we believe it. That then changes our thoughts and actions. Slowing us down or stopping us in our tracks. This is where having others around us is integral to cheer us on, call us on our BS and push us towards our goals.
These are the things that are holding us back from moving forward. The first two are kind of simple. We could hire someone who has the skills and talents that we don't have, or we're not willing to learn. We should hire people who have experienced things that we want to be able to experience so that they can teach us.
But what happens when it comes down to limiting beliefs?
When you try to do it all yourself, you don't have someone to point things out to you to ask you the questions that help you come up with the solutions.
As Les Brown said, “You can’t see the picture when you’re in the frame.” We can walk around our whole day with broccoli in our teeth or a piece of toilet paper on our shoe. It's not until someone else points it out or until later in the day that we finally see ourselves in the mirror and we’re mortified and wonder, “How long did I go through life, not realizing that?” How many instances with others did I mess up because I didn't know about the negative thing that was affecting me?
Since we can have these three things that hold us back, it's really important that we don't try to do it all ourselves.
In my next blog, I will walk you through your options so you can stop going it alone.
For now, I invite you to join the Dynamic Women Global Community to meet other dynamic women who are wanting to support one another.
Have you been struggling to find the answers to the problems that you’re having? There could be a solution. It could be staring right at you. It could be right beside you. It could be so in your face. But why aren't you seeing it?
Your problems could be:
When you’re trying to find a solution, it’s like you’re looking for ONE solution or maybe you have MULTIPLE solutions but you haven’t come to that one clear solution you’d like to do. Since you haven't had that clarity, it's so hard to move forward.
Here are the three reasons why you’re not doing it, can’t do it, or can’t figure it out.
First Reason: You’ve Got Blinders On
Why can't you see the solution? Because you've got blinders on.
Racehorses have blinders on so they only see straight in front of them. That's really helpful because they're not distracted by the other horses or the crowd. However, when you’re trying to find a solution for something and you have blinders on, you’re not seeing what you need to see.
You're blocking your peripheral vision. You're only focused on one track. But if you're looking for a solution, you want to be able to pull from all different areas. Pull from all different possibilities.
We can think of the blinders as limiting beliefs. They're narrowing your view. For example, you want to exercise more, but your limiting belief is you’re not athletic.
The saboteurs jump in too. They make your blinders even bigger so you don't get to see what's possible. This is really sad because you could have a really great idea or an opportunity you’re not seeing.
You really need to do some brainstorming with someone else who will support you so that all of these different ideas can come out.
Second Reason: The Solution is Right in Front of Your Face
Sometimes, we are looking for a solution, but it's already right in front of us.
I did a coaching session with one of my peers, and we were trying to figure out my ONE thing… my ONE word… the ONE thing that I am known for.
I was like, “I don’t know! I'm trying to find it.” I'm looking around to find the answer. Then she questioned me, “Diane, isn’t it Dynamic Women? Isn’t that your thing? Isn't that what you talk about and what you train on and what your books and your programs are about?”
YES! It was right in front of my face!
If it was so obvious, why didn’t I pick it? Because it was so obvious. Maybe you've been in this place that it's just too simple. It's too obvious. It's right there.
Sometimes we overlook the obvious choice because…
Sometimes we want to overcomplicate things. I’ve seen female leaders believe that if it's not complicated, it's not worth doing. If it's not complicated, it's not good. These are all BS.
How do you get out of this? Write all the options down and then ask someone else, “Is there something I’m missing?” It’s helpful when it’s someone unbiased... Like a coach or someone that’s already in your corner so that you can get the best answer possible.
Oftentimes, the solution right in front of you is the one you need to take.
Third Reason: You’re in the Picture
One of my favorite quotes is from Les Brown, “When you're in the frame, you can't see the picture.”
When you're in the picture, you're not seeing what's beside you, what's behind you, what's around you, and you don't also see how the big picture looks.
It's good to get someone else's perspective on many areas:
They can tell you what they see in the big picture because you can't always see it
It's sometimes hard to make decisions when you’re in the frame because we're so stuck on that one small piece of the puzzle that's missing… we're not looking at the big picture. In my coach training, we call it the little ‘a’ and the big ‘A’ agenda.
You can't be in the big ‘A’ agenda all the time because you're trying to actually get stuff done, the little ‘a’ agendas like:
You're doing all these little things. That's where it's important that there's someone in your life, someone you trust, who can look and view the big picture for you. Who can tell you what they see in an honest kind way but also in a hard truth kind of way. While also acknowledging you and cheering you and calling you on your BS.
I encourage you to get somebody in your life that you trust, that can give you that honest feedback.
Finding solutions to problems is a really great thing to be able to do. The best place they're hiding, sadly, is sometimes right beside you, right in front of you or around you. Find that person you trust who can help you… who can help you find the solutions so you know what you need to do.
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