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Here’s a list of 45 things I’ve learned (or relearned) this past year from some different areas of my life:  Parenting:
Being an Athlete: 11. Playing sports in your 40s is like meditation with sweat: good for body and brain. 12. Soccer has taught me the power of teamwork, on and off the field. 13. Age is just a number—unless you’re counting how long it takes to recover. 14. Competing in adult soccer? More like chasing personal goals while chasing a ball. Marriage: 15. 15 years of marriage teaches you that love doesn’t stay the same—neither does your favorite takeout. 16. Marriage = mastering the art of communicating without saying “Why didn’t you text me back?” 17. Nurturing a marriage is like caring for a plant. Sometimes it just needs sunlight (or less water). 18. Laughter is marriage’s secret ingredient. 19. Putting down your phones is like finding a magical portal to actually connecting with each other.  My Faith: 20. Faith is the secret sauce to handling everything life throws at you (even those Monday mornings). 21. Being a Christian is about constant learning and deepening my understanding of faith. 22. When in doubt, pray it out. And it helps if you pray not only when things are tough, but when they are good. 23. Surrounding yourself with people who share your faith helps you grow spiritually. 24. Friendships (and faith) grow when you’re willing to open up and dig deep. Friends: 25. Friendships evolve, and that’s okay—some people come for a season, some for life. 26. Quality friendships are built on trust, not just shared experiences. 27. Making new friends as an adult? Think of it as dating, where you can swipe either way because everyone is not a fit. Also, you can have coffee and then not ask them out again. 28. Deep friendships come from open conversations, not surface-level connections. Business: 29. Trust your gut. It’s got better judgment than your overly-ambitious to-do list. 30. Success happens when you marry your values with your goals (and avoid that 4th coffee). 31. Scaling back or pivoting your career doesn’t mean failure—it means growth. 32. Delegation is the secret to not losing your sanity while juggling kids and clients. 33. Being authentic in business is your superpower. Cape optional. 34. Perfection is overrated—progress gets stuff done (and leaves room for coffee breaks). 35. Growth happens when you ditch the comfort zone—and maybe try something crazy or just different. 36. Patience is essential for both parenting and getting that business deal done.  Personal Life:
37. Hobbies outside work is your stress-relieving, sanity-saving secret weapon. 38. Me-time is not selfish—it’s like recharging your phone so you don’t shut down mid-conversation. 39. Self-care must be scheduled, just like any other important task. 40. You don’t have to do it all—asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. And it’s a smart time-management skill. 41. Celebrating small wins keeps you motivated for the bigger goals. 42. Comparison is the thief of joy. Focus on your own awesome journey, not your neighbour’s. 43. Mistakes are just learning experiences—they don’t define you. 44. Change is inevitable, and it often leads to better things than you expected. 45. Gratitude is the secret to finding joy, no matter the situation.
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I’m writing this blog from Bali, Indonesia, where I’m attending the Global Speakers Summit. However, I wanted to take a moment to share some of my biggest disappointments as a collaborative author in other people's books or from what I’ve seen in other collaborative books.  I want you to know what to watch out for because, in the beginning, I didn’t know. Now that I’ve joined more and more collaborative books—I think I’ve been in seven—I know what to watch for and what I wish more collaborative books would do. Also, if you’re reading this blog, we also have this as a podcast episode and as a YouTube video. Side note--our collaborative book Dynamic Women Trailblazer Secrets just came out, and we have Leadership Secrets coming out next year. The first two books in the series were Success Secrets and Confidence Secrets, and now we’re putting out the fourth book, which will be published in February 2025. If you want information on that, check out this link. Let’s go through My 9 Biggest Disappointments as a Collaborative Author (Aka what to watch out for) #1: No strategy for writing. In my very first collaborative book, I was given the topic, the logistics of how many words, what font, and how it needed to be submitted. I was given 10 days to submit, but I received absolutely no strategy or support for writing it. No one told me, “This is how to come up with your topic” or “This is a good strategy to have.” It was basically just, “Give us your piece.” So what I did was book sessions with my business advisor and marketing strategist about it, and I had that ability to go back and forth with them on what's the best strategy for this, what message should I be putting out based on the kind of the offerings I had at the time. That's what I think is really important, and that's why, for us in our collaborative books, we have a few things that we do.
These are some of the things you need to be looking for. #2: Not having an editor They might say, “We're going to just read it over to make sure that it’s ok” or something, but not actually having someone do the editing. When I did my first book, Dynamic You, which is the nine pillars of being a dynamic woman, I had three different types of editors, and I didn't know there were different types of editors. When we do our books, we have an editor who reads your piece over. I also read your piece over and while we don't necessarily change content or do major editing, we're looking for…
We're really wanting all the pieces in the book to be the best they can be, while also honouring your unique voice you have. You don't want to have no editing of your piece in a collaborative book but you also don't want to have too much editing where they basically just rewrite your piece and you're like, “I don't even recognize it anymore.” You want to have your unique voice still coming out in your piece. #3: No social links in your piece so readers could reach out to you easily I can remember being part of a book, and there was no ability for the reader to get in touch with me. There wasn't even a bio. There was just my name as the author of the piece. If they wanted to get in touch with me, they'd have to Google me and make sure they found the right Diane Rolston. I don't want that for the readers of my collaborative books. I want them to love the piece, love the message, and then get in touch with you. We always have three social links that you can share. Maybe it’s your…
Whatever it is. You'll have three so that your reader can get in touch with you in the best way. That's something you want to look for in collaborative books. Again, we don't want it to be salesy, but let's make it easy for the reader to get in touch with you, especially if they want to work with you, or they want to book you as a speaker, or whatever it may be. We want to make the path to connecting with you as simple as possible. #4: No social media assets, so also no consistent brand The people who put the book together give you no social media assets, so meaning there are…
Because there's no social media assets with a lot of the other opportunities, or they have their own, but very few, there's no consistent brand. We offer a whole bunch of different types of assets, again, because you have different social platforms, newsletters and so on. We do banners, stories, posts, reels, videos, etc. We do it all so that you have whatever you need for whatever platform. That gets me to my fifth thing to look for. #5: No personalized social media assets you could share. A lot of collaborative books don't do any personalized social media assets. We announce our authors with their image and name.
#6: No headshot on the cover and/or no name. Also, it’s important to have your headshot on the cover. Some collaborative books don’t have that - they just have the publisher or main author on the book. In cases where your headshot is there, they don't put your name on it. That's pretty bad. On the back of the cover of the book we put all the images of all the authors, plus their name. Because I don't know how many times I've seen books, and it just has all the images and no names, so you don't know who the people are, or it has all their names and no images. Again, this is something to pay attention to it. I think it's super important to your experience as a collaborative author. #7: There’s no celebration or party or acknowledgment There's no party, no launch party, nothing happens. The book just comes out, and then it's flat. But it's really important that there's an opportunity for a celebration where all the authors get together and their fans, their supporters, and their readers come together to be able to not only launch the book, but acknowledge that these people wrote a piece and are now published authors. That celebration piece is so important to really lock this in as a milestone in your life. Look for opportunities for collaborative books that have a celebration of some sort. We now do them virtually because we have authors from all over Canada, all over the states and into other countries. A virtual party makes sense. We used to do two in Canada, one in Ontario, and one in British Columbia. But now we find that because our authors are everywhere, a virtual party makes more sense. #8: No wholesale copies You need to be able to buy the book at wholesale rate. What this is going to do for you is, then you can make some money off of every book. Or if you choose to use the book for leads, to hand out as “Thank you gifts” to give to clients, to use as an add-on to packages, whatever it may be, you need to be able to buy the book at a low rate, so that you can make money off of it or, as I said, so that it can be something you give away, but your expenses aren't too high. I've been part of books where I have to pay retail for the book, and it then doesn't make sense for me to heavily promote that book, order the book, carry that book to my speaking engagements. I'm only going to do that with collaborative books that I can get at wholesale rate. That's one thing that we do, and we also don't have a minimum purchase. You can buy them as you need them, which is a lot better than having to buy 3000 books and have them sitting in your basement or your closet. The other thing around wholesale copies is, I also share 21 plus ways of using the book to gain more sales, more opportunities, more clients, more speaking engagements, whatever it is, just ways to use the book to move you towards your goals. #9: No connection with the other authors I think it's really important that you have the opportunity to connect with the other authors. One of the benefits of being in a book is being able to expand your network by connecting with the other authors. When we look at all the different things that we offer, and you can check it here, there are multiple times you can connect with other authors.
These are all the extra pieces that you get, where you get to hang out with the other authors. Wrapping Up Those are the nine different things to look for in being a collaborative author. I didn't know these before I started joining other collaborative author opportunities. These are things I was very disappointed with. One of our authors came into our Trailblazer Secrets book, and then she had an opportunity to be a part of another book. She probably invested four times as much as she invested with my opportunity in the Dynamic Women's Secrets, and she said she got not even close to a quarter of what we offered. She just thought what I did was the standard, and it's not. I'd love for you to be part of Leadership Secrets, which is coming out in February 2025. September 27 is the final opportunity for you to get a Return On Investment Strategy Session. That's a one-on-one session with me where we're going to look at how you can use being a part of this collaborative book as a way to propel you towards your goals so that you can get a higher ROI or return on investment. I'm saying you can easily tenfold it, because you can expand your network, attract leads and opportunities to you, then you can use them to increase your revenue, get you closer to your goals and so much more. There are so many other things, but they're specific to you. The ROI session disappears, Friday, September 27 11:59pm, Pacific time. You don't want to miss out on that. That is a huge bonus. My business coach is like, “Diane, that's offering too much”, but I want to do that for you, because, again, that's another disappointment is that I never had the opportunity to do an ROI session with the person giving me the opportunity for the book and seeing things from their eyes, especially because I've been in seven books and I've put out three of my own, so I've had a lot of experience with collaborative books and strategy around books, and would love to really dive in deep and come up with some great ideas for you. I'm going to go hit the pool now. Thank you for reading. I really appreciate you. If you haven't yet, share this with a friend who you think has a great leadership story or secret, or is thinking about being part of a book, because these nine things are huge in not being disappointed, in being a part of a collaborative book. Read my other blogs:
Hey, high achieving successful woman… you’ve done a lot, so why do you sometimes feel like you're stuck in a rut? Maybe you're feeling a little bit like you're doing the same thing like it's Groundhog Day, BUT you've had a lot of professional successes - so you shouldn’t feel a lack of satisfaction - should you? Even if you've become an expert and comfortable in where you are today, you could still feel like you are missing something. It's time to have a little bit of success in a new way. So, in this blog, I’ll share the number one thing that will create more satisfaction for you as a business owner.  My personal experience Back in 2008, I tore my ACL playing rugby. If you didn't know, I was a varsity rugby player. I’ve played soccer competitively my whole life as well. I've also played lots of sports—basketball, volleyball, track and field, and I’ve done quite well at them. I've always seen myself as a competitive athlete. No matter what I went into, I won awards, and won MVPs. I don't say this to be like, “Oh, look at me. I'm so amazing.” It's more so because that's the level I was at, and there was a lot of competition, a lot of pushing myself, and striving in a way that felt so good as an athlete. Maybe you can relate in another area of your life where you were full-on in doing it. Usually, when we're in that great energy, that resonance, that’s what I talked about in the previous blog called "Hell Ya Energy." We're in that energy, that resonance, that flow, and it's really good for us. There might come a time when you're like, “Why am I not feeling that anymore?” This is where I'm talking about if you feel like you're stuck in a rut. You may be feeling a lack of the same things that you were having in the past. For me, what happened was I tore my ACL, which meant I could no longer play rugby, as I was needing ACL reconstruction and surgery, then rehab. At that time, it made me feel super depressed. I was looking at all the things in my life. I had all these successes professionally, but then I was like, “Why am I feeling off? Why am I feeling not happy, not satisfied in my life and about things?” I thought, “Wow, I don't even really have permission to complain because my life is amazing on paper.” I was trying to figure out what it was. I'm very achievement-oriented, goal-oriented, and I was doing all these things. Eventually, I hired a life coach, and I found that, in working with her, one of the key pieces that I found was that I wasn't honoring all of my values. Challenge One of my values—and I don't mean morals and ethics, I mean a value, the things that we ourselves, that we would stand on a soapbox about, that if somebody dishonored them, we'd be pissed off—one of my values was challenge. I honoured challenge in competitive sports, but in this new place, I was in this new season of being injured and not being able to play at a competitive level, not even being able to play at all. At that point in my life, I had played for 25 years and I only ever had 10 days off at Christmastime. I had always played sports and always played at a high level. It was really hard for me. I'm not saying that you've given up something big like that, or that you've been injured, but there's potentially a part of you that is missing the value that I adore, which is challenge. You may feel bored, but you're not bored—you just need a good challenge. What I realized for myself is that I needed to create challenge in my life. Because I wasn't depressed, I just needed a new challenge. The same thing could be true for you. When we are high achievers and have so much success, we are also in this place of striving and driving and wanting everything. While I now see that satisfaction is more important—we should measure life according to our satisfaction and not measure life according to our success—honoring our values is such a huge piece.  Creating challenge for yourself is so important. Now, why challenge? Well, it gets you out of your comfort zone because a lot of times, you are good at all the things you do, and you know so much about everything that you do that there’s not enough spark there for you. When you have challenge, you're pushed out of your comfort zone. It has you grow and stretch, and you get to be in that growth mindset. You get to improve and find out, “Can I really do this?” because you're not an expert at it yet. I did African drumming, and I'll tell you, I sucked at African drumming. It actually looks super cool and super easy—it’s not. I was terrible, but I stuck with it, and it humbled me. I was able to sit as the student, not as the teacher. This is important because I'm sure you are so good at so many things that these are true:
But you don't always get to sit in the student seat and feel stretched and feel poured into. Taking on a challenge where you get to learn something new and put yourself out there into the world, depending on what it is. My next thing is going to be glassblowing, probably. Again, something I’m not going to be good at, and it’s going to challenge me. If you feel stuck or bored, you're neither. You just need a new challenge. You need a bold challenge, or you need a personal challenge. You've been checking off the boxes in your career or in your business, and it might be time to branch out. I gave you a few ideas. But what I encourage you to do is take a challenge that will help you professionally and also help you personally. The challenge of writing a book Here's one that I had back in 2016. I had the challenge of writing a book. I'll tell you, I sat on it for a year and did nothing with it until I agreed to provide 350 copies of my book for all the attendees at a convention. The problem is, I hadn't written the book yet! At that very moment, I took on the challenge to get it done in such a short timeframe. Now, I don't recommend doing this, but it's the thing that got me off my butt. It wasn't just the challenge piece; it was the commitment—another great C word. I took on the challenge, and then I committed to it. When I speak of challenge, you probably know challenges like a challenge when there's a service or a product that doesn't go to a customer properly, or a challenge where your CRM is down, or a challenge when your kid won’t put their shoes on. You've seen these challenges, and you face many different challenges. There are fires that you have to put out and problems that you have to solve. But what about a challenge that just helps you to grow, a challenge that helps you to feel alive and puts you in resonance? That moment, I held that book. I was on video, doing the unboxing, which was incredible. I think I might have teared up, or I was trying to be strong and not show my vulnerability, but it was such an incredible moment, a very different challenge that I was able to conquer. A challenge for you Have you thought of doing a book? Have you thought of being in a book? You have the opportunity to do it. You have the opportunity to do it with not only me, but with a bunch of other amazing women, other high achievers, other women who are having great success in their life, and they're taking on this opportunity like a fresh, exciting challenge to be able to do it. The only thing is, it's not actually going to be a challenge because everything is going to be done for you. Sounds good? Leadership Secrets Invitation Let me give you a little idea about what this is about. We've done Success Secrets. We also have Confidence Secrets, Trailblazer Secrets, and the next collaborative book is going to be Leadership Secrets.  You're going to do a spread in the book. You can imagine, two pages—one side and then the other side—with a 400-word story, secrets on leadership, your bio, and some social links or connection links, so people can get a hold of you afterward. There's so much more I want to say about this, but I'll kind of pause it there because the purpose of this blog was to remind you that bringing in something fresh is going to stretch you a little bit, but it's also going to feel really exciting and new. When you've been doing what you've been doing for a while, you can get stuck in a rut and can have achieved all the things on the success side, but this can be something new. The joy of this is you will succeed. You will be published in February because you've got me as your mentor to take you through the process and make it super simple by having a book-writing strategy session, so you know exactly what to write about, how to boomerang business back to you with this piece, how to title it, how to do the whole thing. Also, another bonus that we give is a Mastermind Day, where you can ask me questions, get support from the other authors, and read your piece to others so they can give you feedback. This way, you’ll feel solid about what you're submitting. We also have editors that will edit your piece, so you don't have to worry about it looking good or sounding good—it will. After that, it's like, well, now you have a book, and because we're going to do the whole publishing process for you, at that point, it's like, "Now I have a book. What do I do?" We give you "Author in a Box"—all the press releases, all the email copy, we do a launch party for you, and we give you all the personalized, branded social media posts and videos and everything so you can promote not only the book but also you in the book. You get to celebrate! Because I'll tell you, some parts of being stuck in a rut come from not celebrating your successes, and that's so key for having the motivation to keep going. Being successful can be tiring, right? Go to this link. You’ll see all the options there. There are two options— Silver and Gold. It's going to lay out very clearly all the things you get, and I would love to call you a co-author and have you be published in February of 2025. That’d be pretty amazing. Bonus Ending September 27th at 11:59 pm PDT Doors are closing on the bonus I’m offering of a ROI strategy session with me. It's a Return on Investment Strategy Session. You want that because in it, we are going to use to strategize how you're not only going to be in this book but how you're going to get a high return on the investment that you're going to make, so you can reach your personal and professional goals. I'll tell you, that's when you're in this process you’re not going to be bored, you’ll be excited, and you're not going to feel like you're stuck in a rut because you're going to take on a safe challenge. Let me know—do you love a challenge? Do you love that vibe of bringing something new into your life? You can reach out to me at [email protected] or connect with me on one of the major platforms. Read my other blogs:
Do you know the power of “Hell Ya” energy?  Too much of the world is living in “Meh” energy. I don’t really have to explain that too much because you probably get it. For example, if someone offered you a dry roast beef sandwich, you'd likely think, 'Meh.' Not really excited about it, right? I wanted to talk about this because I feel like too many people are settling for 'meh,' for that feeling of …
…without actually going for that, full-blown amazing energy. If you start asking yourself, “Is this a Hell Ya?” it becomes an excellent compass for whether you should go for something or not. The reasons why people struggle to live in Hell Ya energy Too many people are also stuck in the 'Groundhog Day' loop—doing the same things every single day. We get to a point where we don’t know what we like anymore, what we want, or what we desire. This happens for a few reasons. Reason 1: Hustle Culture Everything is thrown at us—social media, advertising, everywhere you look: TV, phone, billboards, radio etc. Everyone’s telling you what you should like and what you should want. It’s totally dependent on the country you live in. Being in North America, I feel we’re bombarded with hustle culture and things that really aren’t in our best interest. What they’re doing is pushing things that fuel their bank accounts. Reason 2: Lack Intention Another reason we struggle to live in Hell Ya energy is that we lack intention with our activities. We finish our workday, and then maybe we sit and scroll on our phones, or after dinner, we put on the TV.  I don’t think there’s anyone who would say, “My plan for tonight is to scroll for an hour on my phone with mindless social media and then watch three hours of TV.” Maybe you think, “Well, I’m going to watch that movie I’m so excited about,” or “I’m going to watch my show, and I’m really excited about it.” That can be the Hell Ya energy, but we spend too much time without intention, and then we wonder, “Where did the day go? Where did the night go?” Even those moments of between, we've lost the moments of between and deciding what we're going to do because our default is social media. Our default is media in general. Our default is things we wouldn’t intentionally choose. Not only are we bombarded with messages telling us what to buy and eat, but the things put in front of us are often of poor quality. We’re given poor-quality foods. If you've ever travelled to another country that values local, pure, and organic ingredients rather than all this processed crap we get, you know the difference. The other day, there was a video of a woman on an airplane returning from her trip to Europe. She picks up a piece of what looks like bread or cake and takes a bite. The caption said, “Your first bite of processed food after eating real food in Europe.” Later, she had to defend herself because people were upset with her opinion, but it was the truth. We don’t have the best quality food here, and that’s why we overeat—our bodies are searching for nutrients. I spoke a little bit about this in the last blog. We also have poor-quality clothes. Yes, there are amazing clothes out there—organic, locally made, and handmade—but there’s also a lot of fast fashion. Of course, you end up with that “dime a dozen” item of clothing. I’ve mentioned it before, but we spend our time in many ways that feel like 'meh.' I say “spend” because we’re not investing our time. The other day, I realized I’m not reading nearly as much as I want to. I’m not investing time in my Bible, doing devotions, or praying as much as I want to. I’m not going to the gym as much as I want to. It's not a “should”—it’s a desire. Yes, a bunch of the things I’m filling my time with are great, but there’s still a lot of 'meh' stuff in there. What Hell Ya energy is Hell Ya energy is when you get an email invitation to an event, and as you read it, you think, “Well, maybe I’ll go if I’m available. I’ll see if it fits in. I’ll see if I have the time or energy to go.” That’s 'meh.' You don’t really care. Have you ever opened up an email invitation and thought, “Hell ya, I want to go to this!”? Right away, you're like, “Yep, count me in! I’m there!” That’s what we’re looking for in life—more of that Hell Ya energy. Now, I get that there are things in life, like doing taxes or cleaning your house, where you think, “I don’t really want to do this, but I know I have to.” You have the desire to be in alignment with the government and to live in a clean, uncluttered place. Ideally, we want about 80% of our lives to be filled with Hell Ya energy. I feel bad for people in jobs or businesses they hate because Hell Ya energy puts you in resonance. In coaching, we talk about how it’s energy and gives you power. It’s like you could do it all day. Think of an activity you could do all day. For me, it’s being creative, coaching, training, or speaking on stage. I might get tired, but I don't feel the need to stop. I can just go, go, go because I’m in resonance—I’m in flow. I’m in energy. It’s easy. There’s flow. What’s the opposite? What “Meh” energy is Meh is dissonance. It could be worse than neutral—it’s settling, or even worse than that. It’s actually a negative. Dissonance is friction. It’s hard. It takes a ton of energy, and you might have to motivate yourself. What you can do I encourage you to start looking for Hell Ya energy with your decisions. Look for activities, people, events, food, clothes, travel—everything in your life that gives you that Hell Ya feeling. Look for what excites you. That’s why I took a stand-up comedy class. That’s how I ended up taking Japanese in university. I thought, “Whoa, that’s cool. I want to do that.” We’re looking for that energy in our lives because it makes our lives richer. It helps us make decisions more easily by following our gut, our intuition, our internal energy meter that tells us where to go. I saw a post the other day that said you could spend an hour a day connecting with your spouse, your partner, or even your kids or best friend. The idea is that you have time to do this if you have time to watch TV. That kind of hit me because I thought, “Whoa, an hour to do that? I don’t have that time!” But I have spent an hour watching TV. I’ve been guilty of scrolling on my phone throughout the day. A simple exercise for you I encourage you to take out a piece of paper, set a timer for five minutes, and go through your life. Write down all the things you’re currently doing—activities, clients, foods, places, and people—that have Hell Ya energy for you.  Then make another list of things that have 'meh' energy. You might have to look back at your calendar and remember all the things you did or the things coming up next week. Write down those things that make you think, 'Meh.' Finally, create a new list of new Hell Ya energy—things that excite you. One thing that excites me moving forward is taking a glassblowing class. My husband and I are also going to start ballroom dancing. These activities have energy and excitement for me. Thankfully, because I’ve been sharing about this Hell Ya energy, others have been pointing things out to me and sharing opportunities. I even had a connection through CAPS (Canadian Association of Professional Speakers) who sent me a course on writing my one-woman show. Hell ya, count me in! That’s something I already want to do. Over the next few weeks, practice this. When someone asks if you want to hang out, do something, or go somewhere, or if you're deciding what to eat or wear, ask yourself, “Is this Hell Ya energy, or is this Meh energy?” Is it resonance—exciting, energetic flow—or dissonance—friction, lack of desire, and difficulty? Use this as your compass to guide you in the right direction. The more you live in Hell Ya energy, the more resonance you'll experience, and I promise you'll be happier and more fulfilled in life. So, who of your friends needs to read this blog? Please share it with them! Until next time, everyone—stay dynamic. Read my other blogs:
Do you believe in quality over quantity? Are you craving more in life right now?  I'm going to talk about how you're potentially craving the best of it all. I found myself recently craving better things—not more things, but better things. My personal experiences I'm just about to head out to Tokyo and then the Philippines and Bali. As I talk with my travel friend, she says, "You know, Diane, I've gone backpacking, I've stayed in hostels. I've done the whole cheap and cheerful thing, and I'm just beyond that now. I want a nice place. I want to stay in quality." Maybe you're feeling this way too. I realized as I get older—there are certain things I will not do anymore.
It's not even just for travel and food. It's spilling out into my relationships, my home, the projects I say yes to and no to, and the clients I work with. In every single area of my life, I want the best. It's not that I didn't want the best before. I valued other things over having the best or more things, rather than fewer things. When I think about North America, we have this way of needing to have more. You need to have 20 pairs of sunglasses and multiple pairs of shoes, and a bigger, better car, and it continues and continues. But there's also a factor around the fact that we're getting less. If you travel to other countries, you may see that portion sizes are smaller because they contain more nutrition. When you aren't getting the quality you're looking for in one area of your life, you will seek excess in that area and others. You're going to be wanting more. Our bodies want more food because we're getting less nutrition. We're getting more clothing and items from cheap places like Shein and Temu because we’re craving something else. More doesn’t fill the void.  But the fact that we're not satisfied with what it is, we are drawn to do more, get more, buy more, and have more. But it's providing us with less happiness, less connection, less nutrition, and more yearning for other things. That's why we often feel overwhelmed by the amount of stuff, feel overworked because our schedules are completely chock-full of things because they're not the right things. We're eating too much, or we're getting overweight because we're never satisfied. We have all these connections on Facebook and LinkedIn and Instagram and stuff, but how many of them are actually quality connections? I'm at this place in my life—and maybe you are too—where, frankly, less is more. I'm just sick of how much stuff, how much has been in my schedule, and I really want quality over quantity in all areas of life. That's why I love watching Tiny House Nation. I'm a little obsessed with watching people downsize and enter these tiny homes. I don't need an 8,000-square-foot home. But, I also don't want to live in just 350 square feet because I have a family and I value my space, so I can recharge, especially with the work I do. It's very external and very client-focused and I’m often in presentation mode. This peaked for me too when I met some friends who lived on a boat—an actual boat with a house in the bottom of it. I was really intrigued because the kids only had a very small floor cupboard where they could put their toys, and they only had a few toys. But the thing is, they actually played with them. Where I look at what my kids have, and they have lots of toys, and they barely play with them. These kids on this boat, they were so happy, and they were imaginative, and they were helpful around the house, and they had rich friendships. I thought, “Wow, this comes from choosing less, but the best.” This is the joy of focusing on the quality. But we're not as intentional about our lives sometimes because society dictates how we should be, and it's that more being shoved down our throats all the time. Over the past few years, I've been streamlining my business and only choosing the best. I've been focusing on having the best in my home, the best in my life, and the best connections. Are you wanting that too? I'm sure you're at this point in your life that you go, “Wow, I'm not 20 anymore.” You've grown in wisdom, you've grown in experience, and you've grown in taste in what you want, and you're not going to settle for garbage or mediocre anymore. The benefits of focusing on a quality-over-quantity lifestyle I will talk through some of the benefits of focusing on a quality-over-quantity lifestyle, where you are going for the best in whatever that term is for you. It doesn't need to be the most expensive; it's not necessarily the biggest, but it's what you are craving as the best for you. In the wheel of life, for myself and my clients I'm always looking for what is the best in every single area, meaning what is ideal for you at this stage of life, with what you're desiring, what is best for you. #1: Long-term satisfaction and savouring the flavor of life You're at a point now where you believe that you're going to look for long-term satisfaction over a short-term gain. You want to savour it—savour the flavor, per se.  Think of a gourmet meal where every single bite is rich in flavour and fresh ingredients. It's satisfying. It's memorable. Instead of stuffing your face with fast food, you don't want that anymore. You want to indulge in something that's truly delicious. You see how you can have experiences that maybe give you less quantity, but make up for it in quality so you are satisfied. You're eating less food, and having experiences that maybe cost a little bit more. But you know that you're going to have a better memory of it. No one really remembers the street meat they had in college after the bar. You're not going to remember how good it was. You're not going to remember the burger from that fast food joint. It just served a purpose to fill your belly. But what you are going to remember are those special meals that you've gone to where you had the chef’s table or the food told a story. I lived in Japan for 3 years back in my early 20’s. I remember my first breakfast in Japan at a ryokan, which is like a Japanese-style bed and breakfast, it’s very traditional, and they gave me this tray of foods, with little amounts of foods in each of the bowls: egg, rice, soup, pickled veg and fish. I spent time with the food, I enjoyed the food, and the food was all natural, fresh ingredients, real foods, no fillers, and I will always look back and remember that meal. Now I'm thinking about my trip soon when I’ll have just three days in Tokyo. This time it’s just a stopover before going to the Philippines to meet my virtual assistant team. It’s not about just savouring the flavour of the best restaurants, but also the places, the people and the accommodation. I want to see the best attractions, temples and natural wonders. I want to stay at a great hotel. I'm staying right in the heart of Tokyo so that I am close to everything because my time is so valuable. You probably believe time is valuable too. Are your actions backing that up? Maybe you have aging parents, or they've passed. Maybe you have other people around you who are becoming widows, which is crazy to think. I'm going to be 45 in September, and it’s crazy to think I know many widows and I see how life is short. My dad passed at almost 80. So I'm more than the middle of his age. Craving the best is all about making smart choices that will pan out for you in the long-term big time because it will help in other areas. Think right now about where can you savour the flavor? Where can you slow down a little bit, have a little bit less, and know that's going to give you long-term satisfaction? #2: Value You appreciate value. Yes, you want more bang for your buck and all that. But you're at this point where you think, “Oh, I'd rather have one classic piece of clothing, one amazing outfit that I'm going to feel like a superstar in, rather than 10 outfits that fall apart after a few washes or look terrible.” You know that it's about the quality, the value you're going to get out of it. My rule used to be that I don't buy linen because it's terrible to take care of. But I've heard such good things about wearing natural fabrics. Maybe you have jumped on this bandwagon, but I hadn't, because earlier, I was more focused on wanting life to be easy and efficient. Buying linen that crinkles and wrinkles, and then having to iron it every time I wear it wasn’t efficient for me. But the thing is, now I'm going to give it a try. And if it's a high-quality piece I'm willing to invest a little bit more in something that will last longer and I will take better care of it. I want to buy really amazing pieces, not fast fashion—amazing pieces that I cherish and get excited to wear, like seeing a really great friend. Value is the second piece of why moving to craving the best and is going to be better for you. #3: Personal fulfillment I really want you to have that feel-good factor most of the time, and that comes from having high-quality experiences, high-quality items and people in your life. There's a difference between having a beautiful shirt or a cheap shirt. Again, you could be spending the same amount of money. You could buy one shirt for $100 or ten shirts at $10 each—either way, you've spent the same amount of money. This isn't about money; it's about how you feel when you're wearing these pieces and when you're having these experiences. If I have one amazing superstar outfit, I’ll show up better in my business and life. Choose the things that really bring you joy and get you fired up. For example, if you're the type of person who loves thrilling roller coasters at amusement parks, great, go for it! That brings you joy, so that's what you should go for instead of a dull merry-go-round, because you're going to talk about that amazing roller coaster forever. But if you love the swings that go up in the air and it brings you joy, then wait in line for that and skip the roller coaster if you don’t like it. It’s about choosing what's right for you and craving the best in every area of life. Often when we settle with good enough, we will feel an emptiness, a yearning for more and itch we can’t scratch. Sometimes a lack of fulfillment personally can have us blaming people like our spouse or leaving a job because we feel that is the cause. It can lead to bad habits, addiction and drastic moves. #4: Sustainability Quality over quantity. It isn’t just great for you—having quality items that last a long time is so good for the planet. For example, the other day, we had to move some things into our carry-on luggage from our suitcase, and I didn’t realize my daughter had a full-size toothpaste in there. I felt bad for the toothpaste and for the environment because that toothpaste went straight into the garbage rather than being used, even though it was just a $2 or $3 toothpaste. It wasn’t about the money; it was about the planet and how it was such a waste. Excess and not having the best causes us to over buy and toss things away. It kills me to see the amount of waste in the world. I grew up in a very eco-conscious family where everything had a new purpose. Everything could be reused. For example, empty toilet paper rolls were cut in half, and my dad used them as starter holders for his plants in the garden. The great thing is, you put them in the garden, and they naturally compost. Actually, quality over quantity will make you super eco-chic. It’s not beneath me to buy second-hand or take hand-me-downs for my kids. It’s not beneath me to eat leftovers from the day before. I have a strong value for caring for the environment, and craving the best means you’re not just chucking things and getting rid of them. You’re going to value and care for the things you have because you love them. #5: Avoiding overwhelm You get to avoid overwhelm. I mentioned decluttering and having less, but it's more about choosing to keep things really simple and streamlined. This applies to your business, career, and the things you do. It’s so satisfying to have less in your calendar, less in your home, and fewer things in your closet to care for. Having that clutter-free zen in all areas of life means you can truly love and be present for the things that matter most. #6: Depth of experience and connection I’ve realized with the Dynamic Women Community I knew everyone by name, which chapter they had joined, and their professions. But after growing to eight locations, running events in each location every single month, it got to the point where I didn’t know everyone anymore. I’d think I was meeting someone for the first time, only to realize it was actually the second time. I didn’t like that for myself. I desired closer connections and that would mean less.  I see how the quality and depth of connections grow when you focus on the best relationships for you. Over the years, I’ve let some relationships go. During COVID, my Facebook account was deactivated, and I went from almost 4,000 connections (or more, maybe closer to 5,000—I don’t remember) to just 1,500 connections now. Now, I’m more thoughtful about who I allow into my life and who gets to be in my circle. It’s not that I think I’m the best and not everyone gets to be my friend. It’s more about who I’m most connected to and with whom I can deepen a relationship. Maybe you’re thinking about that too—maybe it’s time to cull your contact list or reconsider who you’re connected with on social media and who you gift your time to. Wrapping Up These are just a few reasons why you might also be craving the best in every area of your life. This realization hit me during a recent coaching session. I have a few coaches, and I realized that I really want to curate an amazing group of women who come together to break bread, share a meal, who are also craving the best. It got me thinking about how much I loved Dynamic Women events years back, where you got to connect with a lot of people and get a taste of what they were like. But even though it was still a big room of 30 people, maybe at our bigger events, 100 or more people, maybe you’ve been to conferences or conventions with 1,500 or 5,000 people, and it was overwhelming. You don’t get to have that moment of really connecting with people. But when you have that real connection, you don’t have to do a ton of follow-up calls or collect business cards, because you’ll go straight into their contact list on their phone. That’s the difference—the difference between, “Can I have your card? Let’s connect on LinkedIn,” and “What’s your number? Let’s meet up next week for coffee.” So I created this event. I’m going to do one and we’ll see where it goes. I feel this is going to be so good, so rich, and so juicy. You’re invited! Women in North Vancouver, BC, and the surrounding area, or if you want to fly in, you’re invited to this amazing event called Taste. Our first one is on September 11th, from 6:30 to 9:30 PM. It’s an exclusive dinner party experience for successful female business owners in North Vancouver, BC, or the surrounding area. You can drive in, or you can travel in, but I’m warning you, this is not your typical transactional networking event. Where I’m at in my business, I don’t need to meet hundreds or thousands of people anymore. I just want strategic and enriching friendships, strategic business relationships, and deep friendships in my life. I have a bunch of those, but I’m always open for more because, again, I’m craving the best. With Taste, the intention is to satisfy your cravings for energizing conversations—not the small-talk garbage you get at other events—and deeper connections where you’re like, “Whoa, we’re on the same wavelength!” The major focus is on who you are, rather than what you do. You don’t have time for fluff. You don’t have time to show up at an event and get pitched to in the first 30 seconds. It’s time to show up in a place where you get to fully taste—taste the food, get a taste for what others are about and taste the experience. We’re doing a three-course meal: appetizer, entrée, and dessert. You’ll get a welcome signature cocktail, networking, and conversation with a curated group of women. So please check it out. If you’re in the area, I’d love to see you, and so would the other women who are coming. What can you expect? We’re going to kick off the evening with fun, warm introductions—not those boring elevator pitches. Then we’ll dive into our topic for the night: balancing being strong and feminine. We’re leaders, we’re powerful, we’re independent, but we also want to be the amazing, wonderful feminine women that we are. But how do we balance that when we’re often in our masculine at work? Why did I create Taste? Well, our time and energy are precious. At this level that we’re at,—and probably the level you’re at in your life, business, or career—it’s all about quality over quantity. Like in business, I’m super selective about who I work with. I’m very intentional about where I go, what I do, and who I spend my time with. But we don’t want to be lone wolves. We don’t want to be silos, doing all the work and being leaders all by ourselves. I created Taste to connect more intentionally and, frankly, to have some fun and eat some good food. If you’re interested in joining us, this is a curated event where I’m asking everyone who wants to attend to fill out an application so that we get the right people there. If you are someone that likes to card sling, you love small talk, and you love surface level networking, this is not the event for you. This is for those who want to meet others who are aligned with themselves, who can be intentional, high-level women who want quality over quantity. I invite you to check it out and to get your ticket. It’s a small group, because we are doing quality over quantity, because I'm craving the best, and I know you are too, and this is going to be an amazing experience. Read my other blogs:
I’m going to say something that might surprise you: maybe you're not stuck. It could be that your mission just got bigger.  Are you feeling tired because you're overthinking? Are you unsure if this is where you should be? Maybe you're feeling off, overwhelmed, or frustrated. You don’t know what to do or where to focus. Ah, I've been there. You may think, “But Diane, you’ve got all this stuff going on and so many great things happening. How can you feel stuck?” Well, I felt stuck and I’ve been seeing it in my clients too. If you haven’t been following along with the blogs, here are some of the topics I’ve covered because you might want to go back and read them:
And now, this blog is about how you're not stuck; your mission just got bigger. If you've been reading my blogs, you might think, “Yeah, it’s because there’s this old part of me, and I’m stuck.” Maybe you have, been relating, but even if you haven’t, no matter what, it could be that you feel stuck and that something's wrong. That’s how I was feeling. Why was I not motivated? Why was I not inspired? Well, one piece of it was that I needed to step into a bigger mission. I needed to let go of some older versions of myself. The same could be true for you - maybe your mission just got bigger. The old part of you was doing something that was part of a smaller plan—a less impactful plan, a less influential plan. But now, the plan is bigger, and you have more to do. Not more on your to-do list, necessarily, but more impact to make. How exciting is that? Because feeling stuck often signals to us that something's wrong, that we are wrong, and that we need to fix or change things. But actually, it’s an opportunity for growth. It’s an opportunity for a shift in not only who you are, but also your mission—your vision, and your values. Turn your perceived obstacle of feeling stuck into a catalyst for expanding your purpose, mission, and legacy—what you're here to do on earth. This could be professional or in your personal life. You can change from feeling stuck to a catalyst, and it all comes from that one perspective shift from "I'm stuck" to "My mission just got bigger." That gives me goosebumps just thinking about it. I will review a few things to help you think deeper, and we’ll see where we end up. Your emotions and thoughts When you're feeling a little stuck, what kind of emotions or thoughts do you have? Frustration, confusion, or a lack of direction? I was in all those feelings—no motivation, lack of inspiration, not wanting to do anything, no energy, void of energy. A lot of dissonance, and friction was happening. These feelings are often a natural part of the growth process.  Think about weight training. If you’re lifting some small weights, it will be pretty easy. Then, when you increase the weight, you’ll start getting frustrated. It will be hard, and you’ll think, “I can’t do it like I did before.” But the thing is, you’re growing and getting better, and eventually, you will be able to do it. These feelings are not a sign of failure. It's just a natural part of the growth process. If you're able to do things easily and you're always in a good place, it might mean you're not challenging yourself enough or not growing enough. Put on that growth mindset and know that this is just normal. How to recognize that bigger mission Let's reframe the situation. I encourage you to view the feeling of being stuck as just an indicator: “Ah, I’ve outgrown my current mission.” The original scope has now been broadened—maybe the impact or the reach has been expanded. Reframing this experience can help you identify new opportunities and new areas for that expansion. You could ask yourself, “Okay, what's changed? How is my mission bigger? How is the result going to be bigger? How is my reach going to be bigger?” You might wonder, “Is this really a bigger mission, or is this me hitting an obstacle, like a true obstacle that I need support with?” Here’s how you can recognize that bigger mission. If your bigger mission is evolving, you'll see that your current mission is not as fulfilling anymore. Maybe parts of it aren't fulfilling, or you’re facing new challenges that weigh you down. Instead, I encourage you to consider areas where you’ve developed new skills and passions that could reshape the mission. For example, I took a stand-up comedy class about two years ago. Now, I’m thinking about how to bring comedy, into my talks, workshops, and coaching. When I thought about incorporating these new skills, it led me to the idea of a one-woman show, which is really exciting. I see how that small shift in the mission will lead to greater impact and fulfillment for me because I can now bring in a bit of a performance aspect, not just facilitating, teaching, and coaching. It's going to be more experiential—me on stage, performing a little bit, but also making a greater impact on those in the audience through different emotional pulls, like bringing in humour but also delivering hard truths. Taking Action After you acknowledge that you have a bigger mission and reframe the situation, understanding that feeling stuck is normal, how do you take action? Well, simply outline the steps you need to take for your new mission. First, sit in self-reflection and ask yourself, “What really matters to me now?” Not “How am I going to do it?” but “What really matters to me now?” Does women's empowerment really matter to you? Does gender parity matter? Does diversity and inclusion matter? You know what really matters to you. Then, goal setting. Set new, ambitious goals. Once you pick a goal, ask, “What’s bigger than that?” and then, “What’s bigger than that?” Bigger in impact, joy, and your mission. It doesn’t have to mean more work, because you can bring on people to help.  Next, ask yourself about learning and growth. What new skills do you need to acquire? What new knowledge do you want to learn that will help in this new chapter? What do you need to know more about? I've been on this path of talking with actors who do one-woman shows. I’ve talked to other speakers who have booked out theaters and others who have done multi-date tours for their talks to see how I can apply that to my own journey. I’m grabbing their knowledge and continuing to build my comedy skills by working with a stand-up comedy coach who also does keynotes, trainings, and workshops, which will help me bring it into everything I do. The last piece around taking action is networking, mentorship, and coaching. Connect with others who can support you. I’ve already shared how I’ve been doing that, but you need people to guide you. I’ve hired a coach to help guide me through this new version of myself, this new mission because I can get stuck, frustrated, and unsure of the next steps. I need someone from the outside to help me figure out the hard truths, pull them out of me, ask tough questions, provoke me, and push me to get them done. If you want to dive deeper into this or have another coaching topic you wish to discuss, please contact me at [email protected], and let’s see about getting you where you need to be. Overcoming fear and resistance The benefit of having someone to support you is crucial as we move to the next piece: overcoming fear and resistance. Feeling fear and resistance when stepping into a bigger mission is natural because it’s easier to return to the old mission. One strategy to overcome these feelings is to focus on small, manageable steps rather than the entire journey. Right now, I’m not looking at how to do a multi-province cross-Canada tour, move it into the States, get it funded, sell tickets, and manage it with my family. All I’m doing now is talking to people who have done something similar or have helpful information. That’s it. I’m figuring out this new, bigger mission for me, so I know what I will speak about on that stage. I have some inklings, but I know it could be even bigger. Also, practice self-compassion and patience with yourself. Make sure that the coach you have will honour that but not let you wallow in it. You need a coach who will pull you forward and help you. Self-compassion and patience during this transition are crucial. Think of the butterfly: first, the caterpillar is in the cocoon, growing into a butterfly, and then emerging. It’s a vulnerable stage, and you’re not ready to take on the world right in that place. But with support and self-care, you can navigate this transition successfully. Wrapping Up I've shared some examples of how I've gone through this, and you can think about how others, perhaps famous people whose biographies or autobiographies you’ve read, have experienced similar transitions. Consider researching philanthropists and their missions, CEOs and their missions, or entrepreneurs and their missions to see how they evolved. Look into social enterprises or philanthropic companies where purchasing a product supports a cause, such as building schools or digging wells. Learn how they developed their bigger mission. You don't have to always do this kind of mission-style work, but your mission is the legacy you want in the world. Remember, feeling stuck is often just a signpost indicating that you're ready for a bigger, more meaningful mission. It doesn’t mean you’re failing or in a terrible place, but you may need support to ensure you’re on the right path. It could be a bigger mission or you may need a full change. Embrace the change and take proactive steps toward your expanded purpose. You can rise to meet this new mission presenting itself to you. After you finish reading this blog, listening to this as a podcast, or watching on the Diane Rolston YouTube channel, pause and reflect on how you will start taking action today. I’d love to hear about it. Email me at [email protected] and let me know how this has impacted you. Until next time, stay dynamic and jump on that bigger mission. Read my other blogs:
Today I'm going to talk about stepping into the woman you were meant to be. Maybe you already think you're there; maybe there's room for growing. If you've been following this series, I started off with how I've outgrown the old version of myself, then talked about killing off your alter ego like Eminem killed off Slim Shady. The last blog was about breaking free from the chains of your old self. We've left the old behind, and now how do we step fully into who we were meant to be.  Then to give you a heads-up on the next blog, I'll be covering how you're not stuck—your mission just got bigger. If the next one is not out yet, mark it in your calendar, or if it's already out, go binge, listen, watch, or read it. I say it that way because if you're reading this blog, I also have this on my Diane Rolston YouTube channel and in my Dynamic Women Podcast. Consume it however you feel is best for you. Let's dive in, my friend. When we think about killing off that alter ego, it's such a powerful act—an act of self-renewal, and self-empowerment. I don't use a lot of "woo-woo" words, but man, it's pretty freaking amazing because it allows you to step into your full potential, your true self, and live authentically, fully as you. We're going to ditch that old self, that alter ego, that out dated version of you—or maybe it was a little bit of a fake version of you that you used just to get by. But now we get to step into a more purposeful place. When you’re living more as who you are meant to be, you’re going to feel more in resonance; you're going to feel in flow, in energy. When you're not being your true self, you're going to be in dissonance—in friction, void of energy—and it's draining. Trying to solve problems from who you've been, and what you've known before, rather than who you're meant to be on a bigger scale is hard, or sometimes even impossible. Let's figure out who you really are. That's the first stage now that you've left the old behind. Go through the previous blogs because I do speak more about how to do that. But now that you're in this space, really define who you are.
What are you? By grabbing a bunch of these words, we're not looking to necessarily confine you with a definition, but more so to really express who you are in these words. I'm going through a rebrand right now, which is really exciting. It’s just bringing out this next evolution of me. As I go through the ways to step into who you are meant to be, if you're like, "This is way too hard. I don't know how," please reach out--[email protected]. I would be happy to talk about how we can take you through this process and really have you stand fully in your power of who you are. Adopt new habits One mistake that people make is to say, "This is who I am," but if you're not doing the actions that support who you say you are, then you're going to resort back to the old ways. How do we stay in the new version? Well, you need to adopt new habits. Ask yourself, "What does this new version of me do in the mornings and during the day? What decision would she make?" You really have to come at it from her perspective as this transition is happening. If we even think of the difference between the caterpillar to the butterfly—the caterpillar knows it must walk around and eat the leaves, and the butterfly knows it can't go and just walk around. It needs to fly to get the nectar. Stop adopting behaviors, attitudes, and habits that align with your old self. Start adopting behaviors, attitudes, and habits that align with your new identity. Makes sense, right? That's the easiest way to have the “being” shift—by having the “doing” shift happen.
I know in the past, I have done an African drumming class. My next thing is going to be glassblowing. I also did some ax throwing in there. These kinds of life-giving, fun, wild, different activities really helped to push me out of my comfort zone. What are the habits of this new version? Does she still watch The Bachelor, or is she now spending time in personal development books? Make that type of decision. Look at your day-to-day. You could even track what you're doing every day, and then ask yourself with each task, "Is this really what the person I'm meant to be does? Is this their habit?" Yes or no. Obviously, if it's a no, you're going to move past that. Make sure you surround yourself with support The next thing is to make sure you surround yourself with support—not only to figure out who you are but support from people who will call you out. Engage with people who will support your growth and can help reinforce your new identity, not people who are going to be uncomfortable with this new confidence, jealous of your new success, or feeling insecure about themselves because you now have the right habits, are stepping into your full self, and maybe are not going to be a negative talker anymore—and that's what they're about.  You might have to distance yourself from these people—people who might try to pull you back into old patterns and habits. As we know if we look at addicts, obviously they can't be in the old environment with the same people, showing up at the same places, the same bars, and doing the same activities as their old version because it is not going to help them move forward. Where can you be? Where can you hang out? Who do you need to welcome into your life so that you can be surrounded by support—people who stretch you, like a coach, people who inspire you, maybe other women who are doing similar things to you or just doing their own cool things? Set some new goals Then you're going to need to set some new goals. You're feeling more like yourself, adopting the habits, getting the help of a coach or someone to help you identify who you are, and then reinforcing that new identity. Now it's time for some new goals because these goals will now be created from who you are now and who you're being—not necessarily the old self, right? The old goals aren't going to fit with you anymore. It might even just be a revamping or an up-leveling of these goals, but we want to make sure they are newly fitted. When you define who you want to be, you'll be able to better define what you want to achieve, and this helps create a clear vision for your future and for your future self. That might be where you start:
Let's make it so much easier for the new version to step forward and to let go of that old version. If we're doing new things with new habits, new goals, and a new vision, there's going to be no place for the old version of you anymore. Share your story and journey with others Once you start getting the goals going, you've got your people around you, and you've got the habits that support all of this, start to share your story and your journey with others. What that's going to do is really solidify your transformation. That's part of why I'm sharing this. I'm also pretty much an open book. I know my community, my clients, my followers, appreciate when I pull back the curtain and share what's going on with me because maybe it's the same thing that's going on with you. Even if you think, "Diane's ahead of me in her changes,” or “Diane's similar to me,” or “I just haven't been through that before." You can learn from this as well. When you share with others, it's a way to make your new identity public—informing people and holding yourself accountable. I remember seeing Chalene Johnson on Brendon Burchard's stage, she talked about success and business. My friend Michelle, who I was with, knew her from the fitness industry, but I didn't at all. She started sharing about business, so Michelle was very confused because her vision of this person was as a fitness guru making fitness DVDs, and now she’s talking about business? So what Chalene did was talk about this new place she was in, why she was now talking about business and what she was doing as this new version of herself. I encourage you to do the same. Live authentically Let’s be real about this. We’re not going to let go of an old version or an alter ego or something that’s not in alignment and then come into something that’s also not in alignment. You’ll want to embrace your new self fully by living in alignment with who you are, what you do, what you stand for, and the person that you’ve become.  This isn’t just an ongoing commitment to keep the old alter ego, the old self from resurfacing, but committing to stay where you are. That might mean some days you’re like, “Oh, I feel like I’m slipping back. I feel like I’m not trusting myself as much. I don’t know what’s going on,” and then tapping back into the correct habits, the right boundaries, your support team and your coach—that is so crucial. Eventually, by living authentically more often, it will become more of a lifestyle, a way of being, rather than something you have to really work at or get your full self into. Continue evolving The last thing I wanted to share is the importance of continuing to evolve. You’re not done yet, sister. You may be like, “Oh, darn it. I thought this is who I’m meant to be forever, and I’m done.” You’re not. We are continually evolving. Understand that personal growth is going to keep changing and growing, transitioning. Not just because we might have learned something new or got a new passion, but because life changes. Our stages of life—you might have gone from single to married, then married to a mother, and a young mother to a mother of school-age kids, kids that are out of school, empty nester, retired—right? There are so many different stages, and they’re not all fully related to marriage or having children. That’s just one lane. There are so many other changes that happen. As you evolve, just continue to assess, Where am I at? How am I growing? Then you will ensure that you stay in alignment with your absolute true self. Wrapping Up What do you think? Are you ready to step into who you are meant to be? I encourage you to do so. If you want to have a conversation, let’s do that and see how I can support you. Email me at [email protected]. I hope to see you over in the Dynamic Women Global Community, our Facebook Group. It is free to hang out there. I like to go live, share tips, tricks. It really is for all areas of life. Until next time, stay dynamic. Read my other blogs:
If you're feeling stuck or you need to make a change, it might actually be stemming from yourself.  Today, I'm going to the next step from my previous blog, where I talked about why you'd want to kill off your alter ego like Eminem killed off Slim Shady. In this blog, I'm going to go into the practical steps of how to break free from those chains. I'll go through some steps you can take and actions you can implement. This is something I would encourage you to do with someone else. If you want to make that next step, reach out to me at [email protected]. Let's talk about how I can bring you into a more powerful version of yourself. Recognize the Parts of Yourself First, I asked you last time to recognize the parts of yourself as you go through the world:
If you haven't read that blog, I encourage you to do so. There are actually two before this one that are part of this sequence, like a series I'm doing. In the next blog, I'll talk about fully stepping into who you're meant to be. It's important to go through this process with some self-reflection. You'll have to:
This isn't just a "feel good, let's read" blog. I really hope this provokes, pushes, inspires, and motivates you to make a change. If you don't, and you stay in that alter ego or old version of yourself, and you just haven’t given yourself permission to fully step into who you’re meant to be, you're going to suffer:
If you listened to the past episodes, you'll hear how I was feeling off. I've always been good at pushing forward, but if you're staying in that old version when a new version is presenting itself, you could end up:
Which is kind of weird, right? Because you're like, “This business or this career or this volunteering or these other roles I play are really important to me and they’re priorities to me, but I'm just not living them fully as I know I can.” It’s ok… here are seven steps you can take. They're things that I'm doing. They're things that I encourage my clients to do when they're feeling a little bit stuck in the old self. Let’s cut that old self loose. #1: Identify the Alter Ego First, we need to identify the alter ego. As I mentioned in the last blog, Eminem had the very public alter ego of Slim Shady. You probably don't have a full-on alter ego that you've named, so instead, think about:
For example, are you stepping into a boss-like, authoritative position when that's not who you really are? This could be:
Write them down because these are the pieces that make up that alter ego, that other version of you. We want to move forward and move away from that. I know there are some bad habits I want to let go of, like staying up late and doom-scrolling. I don't know who else is with me on that, but those activities are not present in my higher version. We have to acknowledge the role that part of us has played. Ask yourself:
When my father passed away four years ago, I had a lot of bad habits. I was using coping mechanisms like:
But I could coach really well, and I was happy and most like myself doing it. I understood that, at that time, I was a certain way because of the grief I was in. Maybe you've had other coping mechanisms due to a tragedy, position change, or move. It could even be a positive thing like a promotion, getting a new project, or winning a proposal. But that's not the real version of you. You might have stepped into fake confidence or an over-ego, but you want to be real and authentic. You want more of an internal confidence than this external, maybe loud in your face ego. #2: Recognize the Need for Change If we look at those habits and behaviors as we self reflect, then we're going to understand the impact of those actions and ways of being. If the old version of me was doom-scrolling, staying up late, being in an authoritative place, how is that limiting my potential moving forward?  Staying up late ruins your energy the next day. It’s creating some conflict with your current self. I've joked before that "Night Diane" often screws over "Morning Diane." Night Diane gets up to no good. She’s maybe:
Morning Diane wants to:
But Night Diane screws that over. That's the part that I need to change. What do you want to change? If you continue to stay in that old self, it will stop you from fully embracing who you want to become or who you feel you are. It’s like the five stages of change. Knowing you have a problem is the first stage. All you need to do at this stage is recognize, "I need to make a change." #3: Confront the Internal Conflicts Letting go of that old identity can bring fears of the unknown and doubts about whether you can make this change. That’s normal. I know that I'm stepping into something even bigger than I'm already doing. When I look at the evolution of me and my business, I've done so many crazy, amazing, successful things over the years. If you told me I would do all these things at the start, I would have freaked out and not believed I could step into that. I was working with a client the other day who was very successful in her career but had stepped into entrepreneurship and coaching. I could impart knowledge on her, lessons I've learned. I go, “Oh yeah, you'll just say this, and you'll just do this. In this moment, you would do this, and in this situation, you can do this and say this.” She was like, “Wow. You really break this down to be so easy, so I can cut time off and have a shortcut and not make the same mistakes you did.” The thing is, you will make mistakes because it's new. Just accept that. The fear and doubt will be there because you haven't done it before. But the cool thing is, you can bring forward your confidence in other areas. (I'll pause that piece here because it will come up more in the next blog when I talk about fully stepping into who you're meant to be.) It's important that you acknowledge, write down, journal about, and get coaching on, what are the fears? What are the doubts? I am stepping into a time when I'm going to be doing more comedy. I'm putting together a one woman show, and yes, I’m carrying forward skills, experience, and knowledge that I already have. I know I can do it; however, it is something different, and it's being seen on an even bigger level. I need to know, what are those internal conflicts? Then it's important that we face these emotions head on, that we understand they're just part of growth, a very natural part of growth, and being in that growth mindset is crucial at this time. #4: Let Go of Limiting Beliefs and Behaviors They might come up from our fears:
When we get those answers, those really become our limiting beliefs and our limiting behaviors. Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself. This is a hard time, and it will be uncomfortable. Give yourself some grace. Letting go of your old identity can be difficult and emotional, especially if that old version of you really served you. Over the years, I've evolved naturally. But right now, I feel like I'm in the birthing of this crazy big version of me, and letting go of the old versions that have been successful and that I know is challenging.  I'm taking up more space in the world. I've hired someone to continuously guide me through this journey and help me navigate this change because if you are in this space, you might end up judging yourself too hard, putting too much pressure on yourself. So you need someone that's understanding and will move you forward so you don't get into a downward spiral or back to what’s comfortable. #5: Embrace the Transformation Don't just cut ties with the old self. Start affirming the new identity. We'll talk more about this in the next blog, but it's important to tell ourselves, "This is good. The new identity is good." It helps us cut ties with the old. We reinforce that this new self of us is affirming the changes. We can do this by:
Having someone else to witness your journey is crucial. If you want to do this with me, email me at [email protected], and we'll have a conversation. #6: Challenge Societal Expectations This one might not even seem like an issue, but it's often the elephant in the room. Oftentimes, our alter ego or old version is reinforced by societal norms and expectations. I can remember working with a client who was designing her ideal life. She realized she wanted less in her life. She wanted to let go of her big, powerful job to be at home with her kids. She didn't want nannies or family members taking care of them. She wanted to be the one there, making grilled cheese sandwiches, doing art, going for walks, and playing. She said to me, "It looks like I'm taking a step back. My Big Hairy Audacious Goal is to quit my job and be at home with my kids full-time." Thankfully, she could do that financially because of what her husband was bringing in and just where they have secured themselves. But that was really hard. She was challenging societal expectations, not only from people outside but from her family too.
There was probably a conversation with her husband around this too. We have to challenge these expectations by questioning what truly aligns with our authentic selves. I'll say that again. We need to challenge societal expectations by questioning what truly aligns with our authentic selves. What truly aligned with her was being at home with her kids, being an amazing mom. She didn't want the pressure of going to that job. But in other people's eyes, it looked like she was taking a step back in her success. We might have to change how we've been conditioned in life and the things we've been conditioned to believe. Living in a place that's not in alignment and being who you're not meant to be, is harder than challenging societal expectations. #7: Celebrate and Reinforce the Change Mark the transition. Celebrate the process of letting go. Maybe you tell some people close to you that you're looking to create this new version. You're going to let go of some things. It might sound weird, but you might be like,
 Whatever it is, you might tell others around you and celebrate that. You could mark this occasion by writing a letter to your old self, thanking them for what they've done for you, and then discarding it. Maybe you burn it in a fire. You might write something on a rock, throw it in the water as a way of releasing that old self. Have a little ritual or ceremony, of really killing off the old self, cutting ties. Then we can get into the next blog about creating a new ritual that honors the new identity. Doesn't that sound fun? Wrapping Up Of these seven steps, are you going to do them all? I really hope you do. If you want, we can work through the steps. I can get you through a lot faster than if you try to do it yourself. I'll tell you that right now, and you'd feel supported, championed, cheerleaded, and carried along in this change because it can be hard, and it can be scary, but when you have someone in your corner, it's easier to face the battle when you know someone is right there ready to support you. Stay tuned for the next blog, where I will go into stepping into who you're meant to be. There's going to be more of these kinds of topics because I feel like these are really important for what I'm seeing in the world right now, seeing in my clients, seeing in female leaders, entrepreneurs, successful women, A-type, whatever you want to call them. I'm seeing a lot of this right now, and I don't want you to struggle. I don't want you to not be feeling good about who you are and where you are and if you're like “But I feel good about where I am.” Maybe it's just about fine-tuning and going into this next version stronger. Read my other blogs:
It might be time for you to kill off your alter ego, like Eminem killed off Slim Shady. This is a continuation of my previous blog, I’ve Outgrown that Old Version of Me.  I'm going to share what Eminem went through, why he created the alter ego, why he killed him off, and how this is seen in women's journeys, maybe in your journey, and what you can do about it. Eminem’s Journey Now, whether you know about him or not, I'll just give you a quick recap. By no means am I a mega fan or super knowledgeable, but I did some research and curated a few stats or facts about Eminem. It all started from me hearing something on the radio about how Eminem was saying, “I can't do the music of the past because I'm older, I'm a father. I'm in my 40s. People look at me and go, ‘Man, you're too old to sing that type of music.’” And he said, "I create this new music that is more in tune with who I am now." But fans some fans still say, "Oh, man, I wish I could hear his old stuff." That could be where you are in life right now, where the old stuff is not really you anymore, but people resonate with it or connect with it, or that's how they know you. You desire doing the new stuff because it feels more in tune with who you are now. The alter ego, the past version of you, the older version of you, or the 1.0 version of you may need to be ended. Now, let's look first at Eminem. Eminem went through a lot of personal struggles. That's why he created Slim Shady. This persona, who actually is a little bit more dark, rude, more bold. But he did it because he was broke. He had big financial struggles. This is before he was the Eminem we know today. He had all these financial struggles and wasn't making money doing his music. His music really had no traction. His music career was stagnant. He was also feeling like he wanted an outlet to express his emotions, his frustrations, his dark thoughts. He felt that if he did it as himself, as Eminem, or Marshall Mathers, that he would be judged for it, that it would be like, "He not a cool guy because look at all this dark stuff, all this negative stuff." He didn't want to be judged, and so he thought, "Well, if I do it as the alter ego, then I have this outlet to be able to say all this stuff. But if anyone comes at me, I can be like, 'Oh, that's just Slim Shady.'" It gave him that creative freedom. Slim Shady allowed him to really explore a more unfiltered, rebellious side. Alter Egos and Women Sometimes, in the beginning of our careers, being a mom in new friends circles, or in running our own businesses, we follow that expression "fake it till you make it."  We become who we think other people need us to be, or we become the person who we think is supposed to be in that position. But it's not authentic to who we are. It could be someone appearing bolder than who we are, more confident, maybe more sarcastic, coming out with a little bit more ego than we normally would, or trying to act like you don't care, when really you do care and you have a big heart. Other musicians have created alter egos. Beyonce has an alter ego named Sasha Fierce. Lady Gaga is not Lady Gaga in real life. She’s Stefani Germanotta. Gaga is a character that she's playing. Mariah Carey has an alter ego, Biana Storm, who started in a music video. Other people have done it too, but now I'm going to bring it back to our lives. There are women who have outgrown the old version and those who feel like they had to be someone different from themselves or in order to get through a specific time. They stepped into being what they thought they needed to be, and now they've come to a realization, “That's not for me anymore.” What happened for Eminem He realized that Slim Shady was negatively impacting him. Being in that negative, rebellious place, the dark thoughts were causing him to self-medicate by using substances. It almost cost him his career, his family, his life. Over time, he decided, "I'm going to get sober." In getting sober, he's moving away from this alter ego as well. Different resources say he's been sober for 16 years. Congratulations to him, and he feels his life has improved so much since he's moved away from this persona. We often play a persona in the world, and then we come home, and we're very different people, especially for women in top leadership roles. They maybe feel like they have to be tough. They have to be more masculine than they normally would be. It's funny, you see this often in business owners, and women in newer or higher positions. They'll have this certain persona in the beginning, and then over time, they seem to change, and hopefully they're changing to become the more authentic version of themselves. Now, for Eminem, he knew times were changing as well, so the way he was being before, for his fan base, it was a match. But as he grew, and he's in his 40s and has kids, his fans have grown and have families, and the antics of Slim Shady are not in alignment anymore with his original fan base. He's like, "Well, if they're not really relating to this, and it's not relevant to them, why would I continue?" Now, it doesn't mean he can't still play that music, especially at concerts, because his people want to hear the songs. I'm sure you've heard that line, "Will the real Slim Shady please stand up." I'm not going to rap at all, especially not with Eminem's content because he is the master of rapping. But he has evolved. He has grown up. He is more, I would say, confident in who he is, and he likes himself. In the beginning, when you hear about all these struggles, he wasn't really liking himself, so he had to come up with this other persona. How many times have we created a persona, an alter ego, because we don't like ourselves, because we don't feel like we're enough? I'm going to share a little bit about some concepts around alter egos, examples with Eminem and then with women and why we do it. I would love for you to think about how it shows up in your life. Concepts around alter egos and why we do it Concept 1: We Need to Acknowledge the Past is the Past Slim Shady represented a specific period in Eminem's life in the past, and it served a purpose in the past. For us as women, in women's journeys, we carry past versions of ourselves. Recently, my husband and I dropped off our kids to summer camp, and so we went to a restaurant, had a couple of drinks and some food, and they said, "Any other plans for today?" We said, "Well, we just dropped our kids off, so we're free.” We don't know what to do with ourselves because we haven't hung out for a week without the responsibility of children for 12 years. The younger version of me cared only for me and my loved ones. I wasn't responsible for another person's life. That past version of me I had to leave behind, the partying version of me. I can still have a good time, but that version of me doesn't serve a purpose today. Which past versions of you are you still carrying forward that don't serve a purpose anymore? We often develop these past identities as coping mechanisms for whatever we're going through, whatever life is, and so you might have been someone who shows up more powerful or even less powerful in order to fit in, but it's not who you authentically are. These are based on earlier experiences, earlier stages of life, but they don't fit into where you are now, because maybe now you are a mother, you are a wife, you are maybe caring for aging parents. You have your purpose in life. You're not just floating around anymore, and you get to that point where you're a little bit older, where you care a little bit less about what other people think of you, because you know you're authentically standing in who you are. Concept 2: The Need for Growth Eminem outgrew Slim Shady as he matured. As we mature, we face new challenges, and we need to bring in our stronger identities. You may find your old identities no longer serve you.
Growth requires a shedding of these outdated versions of you. It's not to say these outdated versions are wrong, because if we look at Eminem's success, they came because he used the confidence, creativity and freedom that Slim Shady gave him to get him where he is now. But the key thing here is, what got you to where you are today isn't going to get you to where you want to be tomorrow. You have to shed those old versions. That will come up in future blogs. I'm going to talk more about how to do this, but if you're like, “Diane, I just need to know this now. I need to talk about it now.” Please email me at [email protected]. Let's have some coaching around this. Why do women need to do this? Well, it’s personal evolution, evolving as a person. Yes, that's true. It's not just career evolution or materialistic evolution. Who you are as a person means you need to adapt to new roles and responsibilities.  In the beginning, Eminem was not a father. When he became a father, things changed. If you see his social media or articles, you'll see how he is such a loving father. If we don't shed these outdated versions, these old patterns, these old ways of being, these old personas, these old alter egos, they will hold us back from progress and fulfillment. If you keep them around, you're going to slip back into them. It's comfy. But the problem is, you're not going to get the results you want. Concept 3: Internal and Outer Conflict Now we're facing this inner conflict. That's why we also have to kill off the old personas. Eminem was confronting the decisions. “Do I move away from Slim Shady when people love him? Do I move away from Slim Shady because he made me successful? Do I move away from Slim Shady? Can I do it on my own? I don't know.” He is in an inner conflict. He's in this place of battling who he was and who he wants to be, and he has to decide, “Can I be both? Do I stay in the one, even though it doesn't feel right anymore, or do I move into the new, even though that feels scary?” As women, we are constantly evolving, and we're facing this internal conflict of, do we let go of what is familiar? Do we stay where we are, but have limited results, limited ways of being, limited growth? Or do we step into the scary part? We battle our fears. We battle our doubts. We battle societal expectations of us up until this point. We need to end that inner conflict by letting go of these familiar roles. Yes, it can be scary, but letting go of them so that we can step into who we know we want to be, need to be and are authentically ourselves. We have to keep doing it because societal expectations will often push us back into the old identities and reinforce those outdated identities for us. I'm sure there are many music critics that said,
The thing is, there will be backlash from the people who benefited from the old way of you were being because it benefited them. A lot of times with my clients, when we start to set boundaries like, “No, I'm not going to do that anymore.” “No, I'm not accepting the way you're talking to me anymore”, because we're stepping into a stronger, more authentic version of ourselves. That's when other people don't get what they want. They're going to push back, and they're going to say, “You've changed. Things aren't the same.” Well, of course, because they're not allowed to walk all over you anymore. They're not allowed to get what they want anymore, because you're not going to deal with it. There's not just inner conflict you're going to face. There's outer conflict with people. That's why having a strong support network around you is important, and having a coach to help you through it is important. Concept 4: Transformation and Empowerment Eminem killing off Slim Shady is actually a powerful act of self empowerment. He's saying, “I don't need this persona anymore. I don't need this alter ego to be successful anymore. I can be me, the singer, Eminem. I can be me and I can be successful still.” You have to embrace this transformation, and that's going to mean letting go of that old self, old version, the old persona. When you do that, it is empowering. I've had so many iterations of me, all just a little level up from the previous version. Plus, that meant letting go of the old ways I was doing things, the old ways I'm showing up. There is an edgier, feistier, more provoking side of me. It's not all, “Oh, I am kind and I follow the rules.”  No, there is this edgier version of me that is starting to be shown into the outer world more. My friends get it. My family gets it. My clients get it. My comedy audiences get it. But I haven't put it out to the full world and been this way, which is causing strife and friction for me. We need to embrace that transformation and align it with our current values. I think that was the problem for Eminem. Slim Shady doesn't represent his values. His new values are rooted in much better things, I'm sure, especially with him being a father and growing up that Slim Shady is dishonoring his values. If you are feeling off, it could be that this old persona, this way of your being, is actually going against your values. Think about that one for a moment. Empowerment comes from reclaiming your true identity. Even if you're like, “But I love this way of being”, well, is it actually who you are now? When you allow yourself to transform, you will have greater authenticity, greater self-expression and greater success. Practical Steps I'm going to share with you a couple of thoughts here, but I'll go more in depth in the next blog.
What are the next steps? Practice some self reflection, set some boundaries, and adopt new habits. These pieces are going to be the whole next blog. Sign up here to get my blogs and podcasts sent right to your inbox. Concept 5: Celebrate this New Identity It's important to celebrate this new identity. Eminem found renewed purpose after moving on from Slim Shady, and he embraced his new identity. I want to change that statement from embracing his new identity to embracing the authentic version of himself. You may say, “Well, why is he going by the name Eminem?” Well, it's a band name. It's a music name. That's fine. He has his regular name, Marshall Mathers, but Slim Shady was the additional character that was created. It doesn't mean you have to change your name, but we're going to celebrate the new version of you. If you're thinking, “Well, I don't know fully what the new version is.” Okay, email me. Let's do some one-on-one coaching to figure that out. Embracing self discovery is important here. Embracing your confidence, embracing your potential, so giving space for that newness to come in. You need to celebrate your new identity because it will reinforce this positive change. It's going to affirm this journey of personal development. It's going to build confidence, and you're going to grow in the future. Stay tuned for the next blog. If you feel that I can be of service to you, coaching you through any of these pieces, please reach out to me at [email protected] and let's have a chat about how I can support you to step into the more authentic version of you, the more kick butt version of you, the more enlightened version of you, the more powerful version. Even if you don’t feel it now or know what it is, we're going to tap into it and push it forward so you’re super clear on what it is and how you can show up in the world as who you're meant to be. Read my other blogs:
Today, I'm going to talk about how I have outgrown that old version of me. If you want to watch the YouTube version of this blog, please go to this link. If you want to hear me talk about this topic, listen to this episode of the Dynamic Women Podcast. What does that even mean? How does that connect to you? Maybe you're feeling a little bit like, "Wow, I've been in business for a long time," or "I've been in my career for a long time." You might feel like you've moved on, things are different now, and you're feeling a bit stuck. It’s not the right match anymore.  It's like when you put on an outfit that has been a favourite of yours, and it looks really good on you and you wear it well. Then you look in the mirror and think, "I just don't love it anymore. I'm just not feeling my best in it anymore. I want a change. I want something different. I want something to represent me fully." It wasn't until one of my coaches said this to me: "Diane, you’ve outgrown that version of you." I know I've outgrown a lot of the work I've done, taking it to a completely bigger level. I'm on a bigger mission, and that's going to be another blog coming up. I've had a lot of success—I've been in business for 14 years now. I've moved from life coaching to mainly doing business coaching because people kept coming to me for that. I don't say that to brag, but to show this transition that I'm in. I've had a lot of success doing things a certain way, and I've thought, "Okay, I've outgrown those things, those offerings." I have outgrown the way I have done it, not to say that I won't do it in a similar way, but I'm going to do it at a higher level. Even though it's been wonderful, I agree that I've outgrown those things. My clients sometimes worry that this means I'm not working with them anymore. But no, they're just getting me at this higher level, which is really exciting. It's been this way for a while now. I haven't felt the same drive and joy in doing those older pieces. But it wasn't until my coach actually said, "Diane, you have outgrown that version of you," that I realized I wasn't just outgrowing the things I did. I've outgrown who I am. We all do that. You might be in version 9.0 of yourself. We're constantly up-leveling. Sometimes it's a natural flow or shift. Sometimes, we need to take a moment and think, “What of the old do we need to shed to come into the new?” Caterpillar-to-Butterfly Analogy A lot of people use the caterpillar-to-butterfly analogy, that whole metamorphosis of changing from one thing to another. And how you need to let go of the one for the other. It's true. You can't be a caterpillar and a butterfly at the same time. But I think that's what I've been doing. I had one foot in the caterpillar and one foot in the butterfly, and I just needed to go full-blown into the butterfly. I've outgrown the way I used to do things, my offerings, and how I showed up. It wasn't that I was a bad version of myself. I was a full person making decisions based on the knowledge, experience, tools, skill, and who I was being.  Over the past few years, I had major friction. I've felt a bit stuck, lazy, unmotivated, and unfocused. Yet, because I'm a coach and a driven, motivated person, I still accomplish and have a lot of things happening. What I did in the past was based on who I was in the past. Still me, but there's this newly evolved version of me. Maybe this is true for you, it's time to not be half in and half out anymore. It's like standing between two worlds, and you can't stand between the two worlds, or you won't know how to be. It's not even just you don't know what to offer, and you don't know how to brand yourself, and you don't know how to speak about what you do. But you don't even know how to show up anymore. Recently, I went to get my new driver's license photo done. I thought about my last one, I just rocked up there and got a photo taken. This time, I put some thought into it, and my son noticed I was dressed up. It wasn't that I thought my outfit would be part of the photo. It's how I wanted to “be” in that photo. I know you can't smile. I know you can't pose, and I know that the photos usually suck. But it was really cool because even when I went in there I was the current version of me and I was treated differently. Usually, you don’t get to see the photo or redo it unless your eyes are closed, or you smiled somehow or another issue. But after the guy took the photo, he showed it to me and asked if I was happy with it. I redid it because my chin was up too high. The next one, my chin was too far down. We took another shot, and finally, I got it right. It was funny because I showed up differently. I showed up like the newer version of me. As I said, you might be in version 9.0 of yourself. But have you actually honoured it? Have you actually honoured the change, the growth, and who you were being? Or are you supposed to be in version 14 of you, and there's still that notification internally that says, it's time to upgrade. It's time to go to this newer version of you. But you're not. If we think of different platforms like Zoom or our phones, there are different versions of software for a reason: they run faster, they run better, they're smarter, more intuitive, the bugs are fixed and more features. This is the same with you. When you're standing between the two worlds, two versions, the old one and the new upgraded one, neither will run properly. You can't perform well if you are between the two. If you are in an old version, you're not moving forward, things will feel slow. You'll be in dissonance. There'll be friction. There will be a void of energy. It's going to drain you. That's how I've been feeling a little bit because there is this need for me to fully upgrade.  I truly believe you cannot do this type of work by yourself. It wasn't until my coach said, “You've outgrown this version of you” that I went, “Yes. Yes. I have.” That's what's been feeling off. I'm still doing great work. I'm still supporting my clients because in those moments when I'm supporting my clients, I am this newer version of me. I am at my fullest and my best. But the other times, and I want you to think about that too. Have you been able to fully be yourself? There has been some shedding over the past few years, shedding of people, shedding of places, and things. When I show up places, and it’s is not the place I need to be, it's hard for me to stay there. Maybe you’ve felt that way too, or with people in your life, that you're on this trajectory of moving up and moving forward. But you've been held back. I had to ask myself, and you can ask yourself now, what has stopped you from stepping fully into that next piece, that next version, that newer, better, shiny version of you? I've talked before about how sometimes with clients, when they come to me, they're living in black and white. If you've seen The Wizard of Oz, at the start of the movie, everything's in black and white, and then all of a sudden it goes to color, and it's vibrant. That's what I see in people. In the beginning, it's this void of energy. They're in front of me, but they don't have life in them, no spark, no mojo. They're drained. They're fatigued. They're in that dissonance. But really, we want to be living in color. I guess that's also why the caterpillar to the butterfly is a really good analogy to be visual to the color. Yes, I get caterpillars are in bright greens and other bright colors. But when we think of butterflies, we think of vibrancy and almost like that opulence of how they're shining. The color changes to almost holographic, and this shimmery metallic tones. The key thing to think about here and probably why I felt a little bit like cocooning and pulling back and hiding a little bit was that if you don't step forward, you will internally die a slow death. You're going to lose out to the old you. The old you is going to take up more space than the newest version of you. The old you is going to push out the color and keep you in the black and white. You have to make that decision that you’ve not only outgrown that old version of you, but that you will be the new version, which the new I believe is just the most authentic, current, best version of you that you were meant to be.  This is where we're going over the next few blogs. I'm going to talk a little bit about the change of mission. I'm going to talk more about how to step into who you're meant to be. I feel like this is what the world and you as my reader are really striving for right now. It's like things just don't feel where they need to be. They don't feel like how you want them to be. You know you've outgrown where things have been and what you've been doing, but do you actually have permission to say you've outgrown who you're being?
It can be a really scary place to be because what does that mean for you? It means stepping into a bigger, fuller version of you. Let's see where this journey goes. I would love to hear how this resonated with you, or the questions this brought up for you. Shoot me an email at [email protected] and let me know your thoughts. Read my other blogs: |
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