|
In a previous podcast panel, I was joined by some of the authors of the upcoming Dynamic Women® Leadership Secrets book, Rochelle Odesser, Candy Motzek, Laura Richards, and myself, to discuss how women succeed and overcome challenges.  One of the questions I asked these authors is “What is the most valuable leadership lesson you’ve learned, and how would you advise others to apply it?” And I am going to share their answers to this question in this blog. Candy Motzek: For me, I think the most valuable lesson I learned was from an old boss that I had, and it's back to this thing of caring. I used to be like, get in the office early, work like crazy, stay late, climb that ladder. He'd been around the block a few times. Every day, he would walk into the office and he would look around, and he would smile, and then he would go and he say, “Hello” to every single person. I used to think, “What an incredible waste of time.” But you know what? When it came down to it, he created a relationship with everybody. He was really keeping his finger on the pulse about what was going on and who was okay and who wasn't. We felt trusted and that we mattered. For me, that's a huge thing. A seemingly small question of, "How are you today?" when really asked from that place of the heart goes a long way to creating a solid team. Diane Rolston: Building that consistency every single day. I get what you mean, a waste of time. I love efficiency, and that's actually a lesson that I had to learn. I wish that someone had modeled that for me like it was modeled for you. But the other piece of that is even when people model it, some people don't always pay attention, and you pay attention and then implement. I think that's one of the key things. Laura, Rochelle, and Candy are giving so many pieces of gold around leadership and how to be a better leader and really, just evolve as a person. But will you implement the things that are said? That's the key. Let's hear what Laura has to say about a valuable leadership lesson learned. Laura Richards: I'm going to say the dreaded B-word, boundaries. I'm telling you, that's my superpower. You know what I mean? When I learned how to set boundaries, because you're not only protecting yourself, you're setting and maintaining a healthy culture in your organization and in your community. I'm talking about community around you, your friendships, all those kinds of things, like who you are, like when you go into the world, that you're building community.  When you can teach people where your door is, because boundaries, show people where the door is to get to you. That to me is so important. Leadership isn't about pleasing everybody, but it's where you have to uphold the values, create safe environments, and address toxicity head-on. My advice is to get comfortable with that—learning how to set healthy boundaries. It's hard at first if you don't know how, and that's something that I do talk about often on my podcasts and with my clients, how to do that because that's the ultimate act of self-love that will trickle down to every single thing in your world. Diane Rolston: This is what you do with your clients. Candy and I do it with our clients. Rochelle knows enough about this that she's setting boundaries with her clients and helping them to do the same. Can you just give us an example of one boundary that might someone might set just so the readers can be like, “Ah, okay, now I'm seeing how that can apply.” Laura Richards: Who are you is the biggest thing. Look to understand who you are and what you want from this world. Because there are going to be a lot of people who are going to take from you. The one that's coming to mind is in a world of takers, especially if we have this persona that we are givers—okay, when we go into this world and we care, and we love, and we're trying to help people—we’re givers. The takers are going to take. Trying to understand that I can only give a certain amount, and I will allow only a certain amount, and not to feel bad. It's not about pleasing everybody. Not to feel bad when you do have to tell people "No". Because we can say, "No, thank you" or "No, that's not what I do. This is what I do," and be okay with that. It's learning who you are and how you're going to interact with the takers because they will find you. Diane Rolston: They'll be like, “Hey, can I just ask you a quick question?” and all of a sudden, you're coaching them for free. Some words that I've said is, “Sure, I've got five minutes for you.” Laura Richards: Yes, and that's really hard. I have had people say, “Throw your calendar at them,” and say, "Hey, sure. Sign up.” Even I have a free call on my calendar. But it's very short, and sometimes it needs to go on my calendar so you know that I'm not just running a cute little business. I'm actually running a business, not just a little hobby I have. Diane Rolston: Even if you know you need to go to Costco or lunch with a friend, that's still important. They're not coming into that time. Thank you, Laura. For you, Rochelle, what do you think? What has been one of the most valuable leadership lessons that you've learned? Rochelle Odesser: Kindness. When I first started working in this business, the first manager I had was a female, and she was very direct and firm. I thought unkind in the way she handled not only me, but some of her clients and other people she was working with. I hated that image, and I didn't like the fact and we're talking a very long time ago. I'm talking about in the '80s. There was that image that a woman had to be the B word in order to be successful. It was just a place too far that I was not going to go. It just wasn't me. I didn't think I would develop good relationships with co-workers that way, and certainly not with clients. I always wanted to be kind to them. If I couldn't help you, I was going to say that in a way that would at least direct you elsewhere, so you might get an answer or find a place. I think when you talk about society, that's lacking a lot, but that's very important to me. When you talk about boundaries, that’s very important to me.  Diane Rolston: You can be kind and assertive. You can be kind and direct. You can be kind and honest. Just using all of those with kind. It's not a kind doormat. It's kind with all of these other qualities. Yes, that's important. Wrapping Up These leadership lessons from the Dynamic Women® Leadership Secrets authors, Candy, Laura, Rochelle, and myself, are just a glimpse into the powerful insights packed into this book. From building relationships and setting boundaries to leading with kindness and confidence, these lessons are designed to help you step into your full leadership potential. If you want to listen to the whole panel interview, listen here. It’s not too late to be part of this book! If you’re a woman with a leadership story to share, this is your chance to join the book and have your voice heard. Don’t miss this opportunity to inspire and impact others with your journey. Plus, our exclusive launch party is happening this May! Join the invite list now to celebrate with us and be among the first to grab your copy of Dynamic Women® Leadership Secrets. Read my other blogs:
0 Comments
Self-care has come up quite a bit because as I talk about having a successful life that we feel satisfied in, a lot of times, people are like, "Oh, it's just because I need some more self-care, right?"  But remember when self-care just simply meant, “I'm going to take a break?” Now it's pretty much like an Olympic sport. Instead of just resting, we've turned relaxation into a fully optimized experience, complete with morning routines, productivity apps, and an ever-growing list of things you should be doing to properly unwind because you can't just do it the regular way by taking a break. Gone are the days of simply lying on the couch with a cup of tea and reading a book. Now, if you've been looking at Instagram, if you've been hearing some of these gurus, self-care is more about optimizing it to be photo worthy. Have you seen videos of aesthetic baths? Where they're going to have their bath, with the tray that goes across, and then the container that they've prepared of perfectly selected snacks, their hand-crafted green juice, a variety of candles and special music with binaural beats. Then they've got their journal, three gratitude journaling prompts with essential oil bath salts and rose petals in the water.  I'm just happy to take a bath with no one around, especially after the cleaners come because then I know the bath is clean. Just make sure the water is warm and let me lie there and don't bother me. (How come kids need to bother you when you're in the bath or even on the toilet?) What type of bath is yours? Aesthetic or more simple? I'm very curious. But then the other thing is if you do self-care in this aesthetically pleasing way, then you have to document it, don’t you? There's the perfect video, the perfect photos in the well-lit Instagram post, captioning "Prioritizing me" with some star emojis. If that didn't go up, then did it even happen? If I had to do all that before my bath, then the water would be cold! And it cancels out any de-stressing the bath would have given me because of a long to-do list to get it “right”. When they talk about productivity rituals, they should be efficient and easy to do. In the past, I shared about the Miracle Morning and how wonderful it is because if you don’t have time it can be done in as short as six minutes, and it gives you a little bit of structure to make it easier. But at this point in our lives, at this point in society, in this day and age, self-care is starting to feel like work, and honestly, that defeats the purpose. We don't want to have to put so much effort and care into self-care that we completely negate any rest that it has given us. Why does this matter? When rest feels like another item on your to-do list, then it's not actually relaxing at all. The thing is, as high achievers, we don't just do self-care like, "I'm going to read my book". We try to excel at it. Instead of just reading our book, we're listening to our book, and then we're listening to our book at two times the speed or more AND folding laundry. Instead of simply recharging and giving ourselves some space, we turn it into another box to check. I have been guilty of this with my daily devotion. It became a list to check.
Then, I forgot that the whole point is to connect with God. It's not about, "Boop, read that, read that, read that." It's to actually have the experience. How often are we doing the thing but not being present? How often are we engaged in self-care, but not actually enjoying it and getting the benefits? I want you to ask yourself: Did you do yoga this morning? Was it actually fulfilling, or did you not let it be because it wasn't perfect: because you didn't do it at sunrise, or you didn't do it in a hot yoga room, or you didn't hold your pose without twitching? Just enjoy the yoga! And then, did you drink water today? But was your water infused with electrolytes? Was it mineral water? Was it filtered with the light of the sun or the moon? Just drink the darn water! You have good intentions for all of these. The irony of all this is there's pressure to do self-care correctly. I just want to squash that, push it aside. You don't have to do self-care perfectly or aesthetically. You just need to do it the way that is best for YOU to relax and recharge. Otherwise, it's another source of stress. What self-care is about If it isn't clear already, self-care isn't just about bubble baths or perfectly aesthetic self-care. It's about creating some boundaries in your life and your self-care so that you can actually rest, enjoy, or recharge. Here's the truth. Really, no one's talking about it because it makes good social media and products being sold to us all the time. But real self-care isn't always pretty and it isn't always fun. I'm going to say that again: self-care isn't always pretty, it isn't always fun. There's a lady I see who knows about Chinese medicine, acupuncture, acupressure, massage and more. Going there sometimes is messy, meaning I sometimes cry to release, and sometimes she gives me a very gentle talking-to about things I shouldn't be eating for my health, some energy that has to move, or some changes I need to make in my life. But it does a world of good for me. Yes, if you're lighting a candle and putting on a face mask, and that feels nice, great. But do you know what's really transformative? Saying ‘No’ to things that drain you. That's caring for yourself. And saying no without over-explaining, just saying, "No, I can't," without having to come up with all these reasons and stories and feeling guilty afterward. Really, it's going to bed when your body is tired. Instead of pushing through another podcast episode or another email or making sure the last of the dishes are cleaned. It's letting yourself eat a meal and just eat a meal without multitasking, without feeling bad that you're having carbs—just enjoying the food. Real self-care isn't about occasional pampering. Yes,
But it's also about changing the way I operate daily. I hope that you do this too because then you don't have to constantly recover from your own life. You don't have to take a whole weekend off or go to the spa for the day because you're treating yourself so you can work harder later. It's about making simple daily choices that allow you to feel well all the time. For me, that's sometimes it’s giving myself buffer time before a client session for a bio break. Sometimes, it's asking people to move our meeting time so I don't have to rush and feel stressed. Sometimes, it's saying “No” to a new client or saying “No” to an immediate start date, moving it later when it feels more spacious. Here’s maybe a new perspective for you: Self-care isn't about making you work better or more productive. It's not about doing it perfectly or adding in pampering. This is the dark side of the wellness culture that's pushing you to have to do it perfectly—and you don't have to. Self-care: a productivity hack? Somehow, along the way, self-care became yet another productivity hack. Remember when stores weren't open on a Sunday? They weren't open, so we could rest. I remember my mom being called into work on a Sunday, and that was so shocking because Sunday was a day of rest. We rest because it's supposed to make us more efficient later. Ah, so productivity, high achievers, it's rest so that you can do more. Just like when you get better sleep so you can maximize your performance. You can also take breaks during your day so you don't burn out and lower your output. I really like the Pomodoro Technique. It’s great to help you be uber-productive for 25 minutes, then take a five-minute break, or after three of those, a 10-minute break, so that you can increase your output. Another is meditating so you can handle stress better and stay focused. If meditating for you isn't sitting quietly, you can use guided meditation, music, dancing, or sit quietly looking at waves or nature, it can also be a hike, praying, or journaling—any of these things that help you reduce stress. What if self-care wasn't about making you better, faster, or stronger? What if it was just about helping you feel like yourself again? If you don't feel like yourself currently, is it because you need to rest more? Is it because you need some true self-care? Ladies, you don't have to justify your rest. If you're tired, lie down. We had a pretty big deadline this week with some guests coming to our house, and I just had a moment where it felt like, “I had done enough”. I still expected everyone else to keep going, but I said, I need to lie down for a minute. I have just burnt myself out. We don't have to prove that our self-care improves us in some way. If you’re like, I only listen to non-fiction books because I want to improve myself. But now your brain is overworking, and now you're taking notes so that you can implement what this business guru has said, that's not helping you to rest and relax. Maybe you do need to re-listen to the whole Harry Potter series. Maybe you do need a romance novel just so that you could rest. You deserve to take care of yourself simply because you exist. You don't have to earn it. You don't have to get permission for it, and you don't do it just because it makes you more productive. How do you practice actual self-care? #1: Redefine self-care Redefine self-care and what you truly need, not what's trendy, not what wellness influencers swear by but what actually helps you feel good. Right now, all my social feeds are showing cold plunges and hot saunas. I'm at a point where I just can't do it. I think my cortisol is too high. I don't like the cold, so I’m not going to do it and that's okay. What is for you?
 #2: Set some boundaries Set some boundaries around energy-draining people—those emotional vampires sucking your energy. Set boundaries around energy-draining obligations. I was just speaking with someone who is the manager of her daughter's soccer team and it’s driving her bonkers because the parents are being a pain, and there's always more responsibilities being added. Thankfully she has decided to pass it off to others. Iif your self-care requires you to constantly recover from your actual life, that's a sign you need some better boundaries. Definitely not more bubble baths. #3: Make space for real rest. Right before going on my month-long trip, I took a whole day before my in-laws arrived and before we went away. I got my hair done, went to Pilates, took care of a few things, and in a chill way, cleaned my house. Getting my hair done was a real rest. Pilates was a real rest. I also took a little bit of time for myself to do my devotional, and I took a little bit of time on my bed doing nothing, just as I prepared for everyone to come home at the end of the day. If you only let yourself rest when you feel like you've earned it, you're missing the point. I remember what my mom told me, “There's always something you can do.” That’s the truth. Like a pan to wash, an email to reply to, or a task to complete. But rest isn't a reward for being busy. It's a basic human need, like breathing, good snacks, moving your body, and sleeping. We must rest. Wrapping Up As I wrap this up, remember: self-care isn't a task, it's a way of being. That could be the biggest shift I share today. If self-care feels like another thing to achieve, you've fallen into the dark side of wellness culture. It's time to rethink your approach. Go through the questions I asked in this blog. The goal isn't to become a highly optimized wellness expert or to have a perfectly curated Instagram profile or to be the best in all things in self-care. It's to actually feel calm and to feel like a functioning person who enjoys life. It's much simpler than we make it. Next time someone tells you to lean into self-care, don't just add another habit to your already-packed routine. There are already too many things you have to do. Ask yourself, "What do I need right now?" And then do that… even if it's just lying on the couch, maybe eating peanut butter straight from the container. No explanation is required if that’s what you need to feel cared for by yourself. Who is a friend who needs to read this message? I encourage you to share it. Until next time. Take care of yourself and stay dynamic. Read my other blogs:
Do you really want more? Or do you feel like you should? What if the “Next Level” isn’t what you actually want?  What does “next level” mean? We continue as high-achieving, A-type people to accomplish more. We are…
We do all these things, and when we get to that next level, sadly, we don't even celebrate. We're already eyeing that next title or that next goal.
You feel like, "I don't get to rest. Rest is for the weak. I am strong," or at least you're pretending to be strong. But here's a reality check question: Do you actually want more, or do you just feel like you should? Virtual Assistant Made Easy Before I started another business, Virtual Assistant Made Easy, I fought it for a long time. I was like, "I'm not doing it. I'm not". This is because I already felt like I had too many programs, too many irons in the fire, and too many things on the go in my life. I was trying to streamline. But people kept asking me,
I was like, "No, no, no, I'm too busy. I can't do it." Then a friend of mine, Michelle, said, "Having a virtual assistant means that the people you're telling to balance their lives can actually pass things off and then have more space to balance. Then on the other side, you're teaching your business clients strategy, and you're teaching them the cool things they can implement, but they don't have the technology know-how or the time to put all of these things into place." She was right. It helped my clients and it helped me. So I started Virtual Assistant Made Easy and built that business. BUT then people said to me, "This is a great business. You could scale it. You could make it so big." The thing is:
At the time, I said, "No," and maybe that will change. Why does this matter for you? Well, you’re getting into the trap of chasing the next success without questioning if you really want it. You need to get real about your goals and so called desires. High-achieving women are basically like trained Border Collies. We see a goal, and we chase it. It doesn't matter if we want it necessarily, if it makes sense for us to go for it, or if it aligns with our actual life goals.  We just see the opportunity. We think, "Yep, I should definitely run at full speed at that," and that's where we need the being and the doing. Being vs Doing We need both. The doing is how the high-achieving woman sees the goal and goes for it without stopping. Which can be a great quality of being decisive and getting into action. The being is checking in on if it feels like the right decision for you. You can ask yourself:
The problem is, if you're not careful, you're going to wake up one day exhausted, juggling a million responsibilities, realizing you don't even like the life you built. That happens. I have met many people who are exactly where they had aimed to be, in their success level, in their finances, in every area of their life, and they get to the top of the mountain and say, "Is this it? Is this where I was supposed to be? Is this even the mountain that I'm supposed to be on? I don't know. I kind of just want to be over there, and I want to be doing that." Are you at that level of success because someone else told you that's what success looks like? For example, in my life, it wasn't a question of if I was going to a university, it was just, which one am I going to? There were timelines for my life. There was a list… This happens, then this happens and then this happens. Success without intention on the being side, is just busyness in disguise. Honestly, we don't have time for that nonsense when life is just way too short. How many people do you know who died too soon? Of people who didn't get to enjoy life? Or people who have lost important things in their life? They maybe finally retired and lost their spouse. They maybe finally got to that high level and then completely burnt out. If we break it down, more isn't always better. Aligned growth matters more. Do we want to be making six or seven figures? Yeah, maybe we do because then the more money we make, the more we can do with that. But bigger doesn't always mean better. More doesn't mean more awesome. Basically, bigger just means bigger—bigger responsibilities, bigger pressure, bigger expectations to always be on. If you're not growing in this right direction towards the things that are intentionally for you, all that expansion, all that growth, all that achievement, it's just going to make you miserable and take away more of your time potentially, depending on how you build the business. It's going to put you in a higher tax bracket. That's for sure. I want you to think about the last time you achieved a big goal. Did you actually enjoy it? Or did you feel that immediate, crushing obligation? "Oh, there's the next goal. I need to go do this. Why didn't I do these things right when I did this goal?" Do you actually celebrate it? I’m linking here the video I did on the motivation mountain, and just listen to what happens when you don’t celebrate. I won’t explain it here because I don't want this blog to be too long. We're taught that success is a ladder. It goes up and up and up and up and you have to keep climbing. But what if success was actually like a choose your own adventure story, so you could go one way then say, "Oh, that looks cool over there," and you jump over. It doesn't have to be climbing up. It can be lateral steps. It can also be a completely different change of direction. Have you heard stories of people who have worked up in corporate and then decided, "I'm going to make art," or "I'm going to go do something I really love to do." Their passion, the thing maybe they started off the side of their desk becomes what they move into, or that they, on purpose, take a demotion, not a promotion. They pull down in responsibility because they want to have the life they are actually choosing rather than one that’s been chosen for them. What if you're not supposed to climb forever either? What if you climbed a little bit and then enjoyed life and maybe built something different, or did different goals that actually fit the lifestyle that you want? New perspective We're going to take a new perspective here. Success is personal. You get to own your unique version of success. We're going to stop measuring life according to success and start measuring life according to our satisfaction. One of my friends built a fabulous business, but she was in meetings all day, and she was pulled out of the tasks that she loved to do. It was not the business she dreamed of building - her success was not making her happy. Maybe success for you isn't a C-suite title or the corner office with a view. Maybe it's not a TED Talk. Maybe it's not managing a team of 50, making seven figures, and writing your 50th book. Maybe it's working just three days a week. Making great money and having time to actually enjoy your life. Running a business that doesn't require you to be on 17 Zoom meetings a day. The problem is, that we often define our success based on other people's expectations. But if your version of success doesn't include what other people deem as worthy or successful, then that's fine. What you can do It's time to either figure out what you really want or scrap everything, start fresh, and redefine what you actually want. Here are three questions you can ask yourself.  First question: What actually excites you now? Ask yourself:
It's not what looks good on paper. It's about what actually lights you up, gives you energy, and gives you fire. If you didn't have to post about it on social or talk about it, what would you do?
Second question: Are you chasing this because you want it or because you think it'll make you look successful to other people? We need to, as I spoke in previous blogs, about the difference between internal and external validation. Look at the things you're doing currently in your life that you're putting your energy towards, the goals you're going after, and ask yourself this question: Are you chasing this goal, this promotion, this whatever, fill in the blank because you want it or because you think it'll make you look successful to other people? Or is it because other people said it's good? Ask yourself that. Third question: Looking at your life, is what you have enough or is it too much? I want you to know that there is a point where you get to say "Enough. Enough. My schedule is full. I have done enough pursuing. Rather than climb the ladder, I'm going to do the Choose Your Own Adventure route." Be bold enough to stop at enough. You don't have to do the big flex. "Oh, I'm doing more. I'm so busy." The question I'm going to ask you is, looking at your life, is what you have to do enough, or is it too much? And is it enough of the right things? There's a myth that you don't have time for anything else. Some people say, "Give something you want done to a busy person, they'll get it done," but that's just shoving in more and taking up more of your time, and then you don't have any time for yourself. Looking at your life, is there enough of what brings you joy to say, "I have a great life"? Wrapping Up Those are some tough questions. If they've raised for you something that you'd like to talk or coach about, then email me: [email protected]. Here are my final thoughts. Success should make us feel great and give us freedom, energy, and happiness, not pressure to climb up to the next step because really with that ladder, it's endless. If we have goalposts we're shooting for, I'll tell you, as soon as you get there, the goalposts will move. The ladder will keep getting higher. It's just really about owning your own life. It's your life. Too often, others will give their opinions on how you should live your life. If chasing that next level, that next goal, getting to the next rung on the ladder, is draining your soul, maybe the next level isn't really what you want, and that's okay. You don't have to get up there and stay up there. You don't have to get up there and push for more. If the next level isn't what you actually want, then don't go for it. You are allowed. You don't have to hustle for the sake of hustling. You don't get a badge of honour for being a hustler, especially at your own expense. You don't have to prove anything to anyone else. You don't have to spend your entire life chasing the next thing when what you already have is pretty darn good. If you're happy where you are, that’s great. Put blinders on and enjoy your life. Before you set your next big goal, ask yourself, "Do I actually want this or am I just running towards it because I don't know how to stop? I don't know how to get off the hamster wheel?" You do. Ask yourself, "Do I actually want this?" and listen to the truth of that answer, and then act on it. I could keep going because I'm just so passionate about this because this has been a lesson that I have had to learn. If you're looking to get off the hamster wheel, if you're looking to like be able to take bold, intentional action towards what's enough for your life, reach out to me, [email protected], and let's jump into a coaching session about this. Stay dynamic. Read my other blogs:
Today, I'm going to talk about the problem with leaning in and why over-performing won't get you more. This is a little bit of research, a little bit of my personal experience, and a little bit coming from my clients.  For years, there have been some very famous people who have been telling women, "Lean in, work harder, just take on more. You have to prove yourself at every turn." But here's the uncomfortable truth with that: leaning in often just means you do more for less reward, and this puts us in a cycle of overworking, overdelivering, and still feeling overlooked. My personal experience I pride myself on working hard, working quickly, and doing a phenomenal job. But what ended up happening was the big boss saw I could do more, and they gave me more. But the another person in the same position who had less work than me, would still come to me for help with how to do things. Because the higher-ups decided that I could do more work and this guy had less work, he was able to schmooze or connect with the other employees more. When it came down to who was going to pick up our boss's job, they got it. I'm not going to say because they're a man, but in the culture that I was working in, it probably made sense. There was an opportunity there for him to be able to step forward because he had more time to connect with others. While I used my time to basically overperform and was given more and more work put on me. Now you can imagine the hidden cost for me. The fact that I was given so much work and I didn't have time to do the other pieces that weren't part of my job description, but were really crucial to me moving forward. In hindsight, it actually worked out for the best because I did not want that position, but at the time, it was really upsetting for me. Why this matters and the hidden cost of overperformance As high-achieving women, we know how to get things done. There's that expression, right? If you want something done, give it to someone who's busy, and that's just because we have only so many hours and so we can't mess around.  But there's a fine line between being really excellent at your work and being the person that everyone relies on, like my story, work dumping more and more on me, where you're always the one fixing things, having to step up, or going the extra mile. People start to expect that you will not only do your job but more. Not only your tasks, but others, and not only be responsible for your own work, but for helping everyone else get their tasks done, too. It's not just in the work environment, but it's in every area of life. People are going to look to you as the person that they can ask for help and support. What's worse than this is they stop seeing this as you going above and beyond, about you being exceptional, and that they should be super grateful for how you perform. Instead, they see it as your standard. This is how you function. This is how you work. You're always going to be able to do 60 hours of work within 40 hours because you work so quickly. The result of is you have no breathing room and no buffer space. Then you staystuck, like I was. They give you more responsibility but no more recognition. It was like I had to fight for myself and say, "Well, you had two of us doing half of this role, right?" Because we had so much feedback to give and so much to watch and evaluate. We did split it because there was just such a big load. Then it became, "Oh, Diane can handle it all. Great." Then you're working more hours for the same paycheck. People don't realize the extra effort. You still want a seat at the table, but they see that they can get more from you. That's not just in a corporate place, but it's from your clients, it's from family. It's from neighbours and friends and your kids' sports team, music class, and the teachers. It just goes on and on and on. While it is an honour to be asked, it is oftentimes that when we lean in and we take on more, we burn out. Let's challenge this narrative. Instead of leaning in harder, what if we leaned back strategically? We said, "Okay, these are the things I'm going to do. These are the things I'm going to step back from." It’s interesting, when I first started doing this, I began saying no to incredible opportunities simply because my plate was too full. I remember a group asking me to join their board, and I told them, “I just can’t. I’m really busy.” Their response? “We’re all busy.” I replied, “It just doesn’t fit into my life right now.” Then came the question: “Are you worried you can’t do it?” That made me pause. It wasn’t a confidence issue, I knew I could do it, and I’d do an amazing job. (Would they have asked a man the same thing?) What made it even more interesting was that I was the only one in the group with children and mine were young, but that didn’t count for me being busy. I wanted to say ‘yes’ and it was hard for me to step back and not take on more because my old way of doing things, was always…
But now, I had to make different choices. The truth was, it just wasn’t in my path or plan at that moment. I didn’t have the time or energy for it, and that was reason enough. I encourage you, don’t take on more in your life just because you're asked, or just because it seems like the next step, or just because it's an expectation… instead get more strategic about where your energy goes. Stop being the go-to person for things that don't move you forward. I want to be able to do a great job at a few things, rather than a so-so fair job at many things. Stop saying yes to work that doesn't get you paid or promoted. Stop saying yes to volunteer positions. It doesn't have to always help you or move you forward. But does it either bring you joy, satisfaction, a place where you get to use your skills, or is it more dissonance, where there's friction and it's not enjoyable? Stop thinking that if you just keep proving yourself, someone will eventually notice. Because there are so many people in all industries that are like the best-kept secret because the truth is, no one rewards quiet excellence, quiet achievement, or quiet confidence. When people get to know you, they'll respect you more for not walking around and telling people and sharing. But it's as simple as this. It's as simple as someone saying to you, "Hey, Jenny. How's it going?" Rather than just, "Oh, it's good," or, "Oh, my kids did this," or "I had the worst day," or, "Look at the terrible rain." Why don't you share something cool that's happening in your life?
Tell them what's happening in your life. Overperforming Let's break this down. Overperforming often equals burnout, not recognition, not more awards, not more pay, not necessarily even the promotion. Overdelivering doesn't guarantee success. Fully leaning in doesn't guarantee success. Not managed well, it guarantees exhaustion, burnout, and maybe even anxiety. Here's the kicker. The people who get promoted, paid more, and recognized aren't always the hardest workers. Here’s what they do: #1: They're the ones who know how to make their work visible without constantly proving themselves. I didn't walk around talking about how great I was. I didn't walk around talking about all the work I did. I just got it done. Put my head down. Got it done. I didn't make a big deal of it, right? BUT you also need to take note of your accomplishments so you can relay them in performance reviews. #2: They set very clear boundaries, so they're not doing work either beneath their level or out of the scope of their roles and responsibilities. Every job description has roles and responsibilities. I'm not saying don't do work beneath your level. Don't do things outside of your Roles and Responsibilities. There are definitely times when you have to just step up and get things done. But setting those clear boundaries of saying, "My day is done," or, "Oh, thank you for asking me to do that. What do you want to take off my plate so I can get that done?" This type of language is not necessarily easy for a lot of women to say, ask, or get advice on. #3: They own their value instead of waiting for someone else to acknowledge it. A lot of times high achieving, overperforming women are super confident, but on an external level, so they get their value from other people saying they've done well, and other people acknowledging their work where we have to go internal, and that's where we have to get our value from.  I've talked so many times about this quote, I should almost frame it, but the quote is from Business Insider that says, “Men and women view their success differently. Men attribute their success to their innate skills and talents. Women attribute their success to luck and help from others.” How many times have women said, "Oh, thanks, I couldn't have done it without my team, my family, my husband. I didn't do it all myself. Oh, it just happened. It all worked out." Rather than be like, "Yeah, I did a phenomenal job," which many times a man will say, and I'm not poo-pooing a man in this regard, I'm saying, "Good for them. Women, let's do it too." Not all women are getting this wrong. A lot of women are owning their success and their personal confidence, but women who get ahead don't necessarily do more. They position themselves differently. They're making their work visible. They're setting clear boundaries, and they're owning their value. I hope you're gaining from this new perspective of “stop doing more, and start being seen”. A lot of times on social media, I post quite a bit, but I don't post everything that I'm doing. It's funny because people will say, "Wow, you're everywhere and you’re doing so many incredible things." It's because I choose to share, but so many women don’t because they say, "I don't want to seem like I'm bragging. I don't want to seem egotistical." Just change up how you write the posts. Instead, you can write:
It doesn't have to be like, "Hey everyone, I'm the best." 3 Action Steps Here are some specific, actionable takeaways, because we don't want you to be working harder. We want you to be more intentional about where you apply your effort so that you and your effort get to go somewhere and get to reap the rewards. Let's shift from "Let's work and let's lean in all the time" to "Let's lean back and let's go into leader mode." Here are three things that you can do: #1: Stop over-delivering. If you're in a job, make sure you're so clear about what your roles and responsibilities are, and the key performance indicators that go along with that. For example, if one of your roles is to reply to emails, what is the standard? What's the key performance indicator? "All emails must be replied to within one business day in a professional manner.” Just do what is asked of you. You don't have to always go above and beyond for the sake of proving yourself. Yes, you can help people. I'm not saying don’t, but when you get stretched so thin because you're doing other people's work for the sake of proving yourself. You're actually going to look worse because you're not going to be able to deliver on the things you already have to do. #2: Get comfortable asking for what you deserve. When I took on two people's roles, I should have asked for a pay raise. Oftentimes, for high-achieving women, we assume that our amazing work speaks for itself, but it doesn't. We may assume we will get the promotion or what we deserve. We need to advocate for ourselves, whether that's a raise, a leadership role, or simple recognition. We have to advocate. We have to tell others, so start writing down all the fantastic things you're doing and share. If you have your own business, share them on social. Share them on your website. Make them milestones on LinkedIn. Have pictures of it. Have a brag book for yourself. For those of you in a corporate position or working for a company, keep track of all these things. If you have someone that sends you a glowing email back or you have wins, write them down, track them, have them there so that you can walk in for that raise or the promotion, or whatever it is that you're looking for and have proof if they didn’t take notice and it will make you more confident. #3: Move from execution, doing, doing, doing, and leaning in by working harder to a place of strategy where you lean back. Leaders aren't just the best at doing the work, they're the best at directing the work. Shift your focus from being the best worker to being a strategic leader. You don't have to be the best. Sometimes leaning back to see the opportunities is the best option. What do you want to do? Do you want to continue to lean in and over-perform, with the risk of not really getting what you're wanting or pushing to burnout? Probably not. Think, do I want more effort or more strategy? The goal isn't to stop working hard. It's just to make sure that when you work hard, it counts towards what you're wanting, what your goals are, and what your ideal life is for satisfaction. Let's not lean into mindless activities. Doing that is going to lead you to exhaustion, but instead, lean in strategically. Lean in by focusing on visibility, positioning, and setting boundaries with people, because that's how you're actually going to get ahead. Wrapping Up I'll leave these questions with you.
Big questions there. Let me know what your biggest takeaway was from this blog. You can email me [email protected] or if you weren't aware, I record these on podcasts and videos so that you can catch them on the Diane Rolston YouTube channel and the Dynamic Women Podcast. Share this with a friend. If you're not getting my emails yet, now's the time to do that, because I’m going to be dropping some really cool opportunities for you to be able to work with me and get a tax receipt. Now, a lot of you who are already in business are like, "That's easy. I know how to get a tax write off." Those of you who are not, we're actually going to be able to make it like a donation. Get on my email list to be able to do that. Read my other blogs:
The key to thriving as women in business? Connect and collaborate, not compete.  Why are we stronger together? There's this outdated belief that women have to compete with each other in order to get ahead. That's why we have terms like "crabs in a bucket". If the crabs are in a bucket and one of the crabs tries to get out, the others will pull it down. That's why we also have the Tall Poppy Syndrome, where the ones that stand out will be the ones that are cut down or attacked. In a little bit, I'm going to share another visual that I have around women competing for the same spots. Society has also taught us to believe that there's:
But really, that couldn't be further from the truth because when we connect and collaborate instead of competing, we all rise together - we all get to have success, maybe not at the exact same time, but in some way or another, we will succeed. Research backs that up, which is amazing because women who support other women are more successful, more fulfilled, and create a bigger impact in their industries, whatever that industry is. When I chose collaboration over competition One time that I chose to collaborate over compete was when someone else in my community started to do collaborative books, just like I was already doing collaborative books, and she was hosting women's events, and I was hosting women's events. We were very similar.  When we let the walls fall down, we found out very quickly that we both had the same struggles, the same challenges, and we had the same set of morals, values, beliefs, and we both chose collaboration. We've been in each other's books multiple times. We have supported each other's events, each other's endeavours, and we talk maybe once or twice a year just to be like, "Where are you up to and how are things going?" I tell you, we both got to move ahead and move up because of that relationship. Why the Competition Mindset holds us back But you may be thinking, "Yeah, but Diane, I see people online, what they're doing," and "Someone else got ahead of me at work, they got the promotion, and I didn't." There are certain circumstances where you'll get burned, or there is only one spot, but I want you to think about the competition mindset. We don't want it to hold us back. You may have heard about a scarcity mindset or a fixed mindset, rather than an abundance or a growth mindset respectively, but a scarcity mindset is telling us that there's only room for a few women to make it to the top. But in reality, the more we help each other, the bigger we all win, and the bigger space that we take up. It's not women competing against women, it should be women competing against others for the same positions or the same awards or whatever it may be. According to a Harvard Business Review, research shows that women are often overlooked for promotions due to bias. But when women sponsor and advocate for each other, leadership opportunities increase. The more women are talking about other women, and especially in those right rooms, that's where the opportunities for these women will increase, and that's hopefully how we create gender parity. There's supposedly the belief that we won't have gender parity or gender equality until 2158, and if we want more women to be in there, we have to work together to get each other in. Maybe you help someone else, and they get ahead of you, but then they're going to reach out and bring you up. I want us to change how society is around it because the biggest barrier to women's success isn't other women, it's outdated systems and limiting beliefs. Sadly, we see in some countries that outdated systems are coming back. Things that we've already fought for are getting removed, taken away, and hopefully these are just moments in time that they are just because of certain people and the equal right will be brought back in. The other image I wanted to share is a lot of times I work with women who are female leaders in corporate, and one of these times I was brought in to do my Dynamic You Program, and one of the participants said to me, "Diane, I'm not going to be able to be honest and truthful and share my feelings or any vulnerabilities because other women will use it against me." This was really sad because this was a male-dominated industry, a great company who felt that they were going to put together this women's networking group for their staff that are female. I thought that was amazing. You would think you'd all get together and support each other, but she told me how it really was. The image it gave me is like we're playing musical chairs, and women are all going around these chairs, or there are even men going around the chairs, too. Let's say there are 10 chairs, and eight of them are blue and two of them are pink. When the music stops, all the women fight for the two pink chairs because they think that those are the only chairs they can sit in. Rather than feeling they had the right to step into blue chairs too, we as women fight against each other, instead of taking any of the chairs. Shifting your mindset What are you going to do? The answer is - Shift your mindset.  Get away from a scarcity mindset and instead of wondering;
How about if you said, "How can we win together?" Or "How can I support something that she's wanting, and then how could she support me with something that I'm wanting?" The power of connection We need to find a network. We need to uplift our network. According to Business Wire, 80% of women leaders credit networking as a key driver of their success. If you're not part of these networking groups, women's groups, co-ed groups, and you're not building those relationships, you're leaving opportunities on the table. I've had so many doors opened for me and so many opportunities given to me through the people I have met. When they're thinking of who to give a speaking engagement to, or who to refer a client to, they can only do that if they know and trust you. How to connect with women who lift you up Join networks, mastermind groups, professional networks, women-focused business communities. Some will be free. Some will be low-cost. Some will be a higher investment. Even though I said cost, it is an investment. But if it's not giving you an ROI, and you've properly committed, then it may be time to move on to something else. If you currently are in something that is not fruitful, move on, but only if you have actually committed to that group, you've shown up, you've done the relationship building and it’s still not paying off. You can also go on to LinkedIn or other social media. You can connect. You can comment. You can support others. I always pay attention to the people who support me, and I'm like, "Whoa, look at that person. They're liking my stuff. They're commenting." You can also just attend events, workshops, or retreats because you never know who you're going to meet. I've met people at soccer, at the Comedy Club, at church, at so many different places because I was open to learning more about others. Think: Is there someone that you've been seeing online or through some group? My challenge to you as an action step is reach out to them and have a conversation. You never know where it's going to lead. I actually did this recently. I've been reaching out to some women in other countries to connect, to have them on my podcast, to see what synergy is there. It felt a little awkward giving video messages to them to be like, "Hi, you don't know me, but I want to connect with you and maybe have you on my podcast." It felt really awkward. Tell you, I was nervous about doing it. But what's the worst that can happen? Ghost you or say no? I just had a beautiful conversation with an amazing lady, and you'll probably hear her in an upcoming episode. Collaboration over competition What do I mean about collaboration? Some of the biggest businesses and movements have been built through collaboration. They both have networks, and then by combining, they get to cross-pollinate and then cross-harvest with both of them expanding their network and their reach. Now, there are so many different ways you can collaborate. #1: You can partner on events, programs, or business ventures, instead of just trying to do everything solo. If you don't feel like you want to go into something and have a 50/50 contribution to an output, then maybe you could just refer. #2: You could have people that you refer to. If someone's not the right fit for you, and you find that you keep getting a certain person coming to you - for example, I don't really do career counseling. I don't write resumes or cover letters for people. I have someone who I pass to for this need. Pass them to a woman who is right. If you're like, "Well, I don't know." Well, go find them, ask on LinkedIn who is someone who's great at XYZ. #3: Another thing you could do is co-create content. You could do a podcast swap. You could host on each other's webinars. You could have a summit and bring people on or be on theirs. You could guest blog. You could be on their YouTube channel. You can do an IG live together. So many different options or you start your own mastermind, or bring trust or think tank, where you bring together a small group of women who are going to share advice, resources, and opportunities. Mindset shift: Stop thinking about other women's success taking away from yours. Instead, look for where you can collaborate instead. Wrapping Up As I wrap up, I just want to say, let's break the cycle. It's so easy to follow and fall into comparison mode, and I can be so guilty of that, and I compare myself, and it sucks. It feels bad, and you feel jealous or envious or you beat yourself up. But let's flip that. Let's flip that into support mode, collaborative mode, connection mode, and maybe you do start lifting other women up in order to be able to investment in them. Really, with us just celebrating International Women's Day, I want us to think about how we can rise together. Imagine a world where women collaborated instead of competed. Imagine a world where we connected rather than competed. If we could amplify other people's voices. That's why I have guests on the Dynamic Women Podcast. That's why I have my collaborative books because I want to give a platform for other women's voices, words and expertise that I don't have. If we choose to do that, then that's the type of world we're going to create. Because when we build real connections, real collaborations, we all thrive.
The final challenge I'm going to give you today is: find one woman that you can connect with or support and send them a message, make an introduction, start the conversation, send them a video message over social media as I did, and then invite them to a Zoom chat, just to get to know each other. It might feel awkward, but hey, if that's the worst thing that you're doing right now, it could end up with nothing. It could end up with a no, or it could end up with a really cool connection or collaboration. Give it a go, and then let me know how it goes. Send me an email [email protected] or find me on one of your favourite social platforms and let me know if you did this challenge, or any of the little forward actions that I said throughout this blog, and let me know how it goes. If you feel like you want to talk to me about being a collaborative author, about being a podcast guest, please just know that is for women only, because it is the Dynamic Women Podcast and the Dynamic Women Leadership Secrets book. Just reach out to me [email protected]. I'd be happy to have a chat with you about next steps. Until next time. Stay dynamic, everyone. Read more here:
Shockingly, we will never, in our day, see gender equality. But rather than focusing on that hard truth, I will share in this blog what we can do and how, thankfully, the theme of International Women's Day could actually propel us forward.  It is International Women's Day on March 8 every year. It's a really important day. I hope you celebrate it by attending or listening to some sort of International Women's Day event. There are so many all over the place. I'm usually booked and overcommitted to too many events this year because my family has a major trip planned I have decided to step back and focus on them. It’s a day to celebrate the achievements we have had so far, as there are many strides that women have made in leadership roles and for our rights. The theme for this year is Accelerating Action. As stated in their website, “At the current rate of progress, it will take until 2158 which is roughly five generations from now, to reach full gender parity, according to the data from the World Economic Forum.” The scariest part is it seems like we're going backwards in a lot of countries in the world, taking away women's rights that we have earned, that we have fought for, not me specifically or necessarily, but we as a gender have fought for decades, to try to be able to vote, wear what we want and have an education. Sadly, many of these pieces are being eradicated, are being pulled back, and it's horrible. Continuing from the IWD website, “Focusing on the need to Accelerate Action emphasizes the importance of taking swift and decisive steps to achieve gender equality. It calls for increased momentum and urgency in addressing the systemic barriers and biases that women face, both in personal and professional spheres.” A lot of times this is pointed to the Western world, and I will acknowledge the privilege that I have being a Caucasian woman in Canada. For all the women in other countries where women have less rights or even no rights, my heart aches for you. For the women in the same country as me, who are marginalized, my BIPOC communities, I stand with you. As women and as a gender, we need to break these barriers and injustices. How to Accelerate Action There are many ways we can accelerate action. There's actually a list on their website. So for my piece I'm going to talk a little bit more about women redefining success and leadership. #1: Breaking the Glass Ceiling There is something called the glass ceiling. Here's a stat that I pulled from wbcollaborative.org. As of 2024, women hold approximately 7.8% of CEO positions in S&P 500 companies, a slight decrease from 8.2% in 2023. That's pretty sad. Less than 10% of these CEO positions are held by women. How are we going to change the economy, industries, business, and society, if we don't have as many women in these roles?  When I was preparing last year for my International Women's Day event for the LEAP conference by Women in Construction, I pulled up more facts around the broken rung phenomenon, and this actually is where I focus my energy more than breaking the glass ceiling because I think that's been around for decades. People are like, “Well, I can't get to the top.” The reason is the first rung of the ladder is broken, meaning you can't even get up the ladder to break the glass ceiling because you can't get past one of the lower rungs. If you can't get past that, you can't get up the ladder. Stats from mckinsey.com say, “Despite these advancements, women often face challenges such as gender bias and the "broken rung" phenomenon, where for every 100 men promoted to manager, only 81 women are promoted.” This is just for the manager roles. Not even in CEO roles. That’s much less. That number just gets lower and lower, all the down to less than 10%. If we can just focus on how we move ourselves up to manager, getting sponsors in the company, meaning people who will vouch for you, people who will be in the boardroom and say your name, people who will mentor you to that next position, and people who have the power to choose the woman when there is an option. A lot of times, because I coach women, I talk about taking these things back into your own hands, seeing how you can fill in that rung or basically jump past it. It might mean you have to go to a different company to be able to do that. But the onus shouldn't always be on the woman to figure out how to get up the ladder. I think it should be those who are in the company with more authority in the organizational chart of the company, people above them, there should be succession planning and building of leaders, younger leaders, inexperienced leaders, building them up in equality of women and men because we lose a lot of women in the workforce due to pregnancies and having children, and while that's fantastic they are having a family because they have the right to do that. Women are totally able to make their choices for themselves, but we need to put more energy into them getting up the ladder. #2: Shifting from the ‘Shoulds’ to True Success The second thing beyond breaking the glass ceiling and being able to get past that broken rung is shifting from these ‘shoulds’ to true success. When we think of traditional metrics of success, we think of titles, salaries, promotions, and then we think of what you can do because you have more money.
But these ideas are evolving as I speak more about “let's switch from really measuring our life according to success”, and “let's measure our life according to satisfaction”. I believe that and I'm seeing it in a lot of the younger generation, they're valuing their life balance and their mental health and freedom a little bit more than maybe my generation or those ahead of me. We valued loyalty, commitment, hustle and not letting anything faze us. We stick to what we say we will do no matter what. But many women are now prioritizing purpose-driven leadership and values-based business models. I love that, and a lot of companies are doing really well when they are value-based. It’s not just about making a quick buck. It might be about giving back to charity, about building a sustainable or an ethical business, about hiring local, about making and producing local purpose-driven leadership. It might be around actually supporting the customer and the client, rather than just increasing the profit margins. What we can do in our own lives is shift from those ‘shoulds’, like “I should do this, I should do that” to “What do I really, really want” and stop measuring our lives according to success and start measuring our lives according to satisfaction. I've been preaching that forever, and I'll continue to preach it. It's a simple, yet powerful shift. When you wake up tomorrow, ask yourself, “What do I want? What do I want today?” You may be like, “Well, I'm already committed all day.” But maybe you have 10 minutes, and what do you want in that time? Then what do you want three months from now? What do you want in your free time on the weekend? What do you want a year from now? What do you want five years from now? What will truly make you happy, not just what will make you successful or be perceived successful from external achievements? #3: Leading with confidence and authenticity The last piece is leading with confidence and authenticity. There are so many different leadership styles, whether you are a servant leader or believe in service leadership. BTW we have an author speaking about that in our Dynamic Women Leadership Secrets book. It’s important to embrace all these different leadership styles. This is going to help us as women to lead more effectively and fulfill our careers.  We're not just stepping into the shoes of potentially the man before us, or the woman who had to act like a man to get into that position before us, we get to show up in our leadership style, and we have very special leadership styles as women, and so we need to tap into those qualities and really just show up as who we are. Even if people think we're a little bit too much, let's take up some space because it's obvious in the world that we have to be honest and blunt and bold and be not aggressive, but assertive in how we show up. That's something you can do every day: speak to what is important to you. If we go back to the values-based business model, purpose-driven leadership, we can also have that for our lives. What is our value-based life? What is our purpose-driven life? How are we going to show up that way? And really focusing for ourselves and for the teams we're growing, or for the employees we're leading, or for our even just our family and friends. What strategies can we use to leverage emotional intelligence? EI is huge for being able to know ourselves and to be able to show up, honouring how we feel, being aware and intuitive of that, and then taking the next step, not only for ourselves, but in our interaction with others. The other piece of leading with confidence and authenticity is to foster inclusive environments. We've heard recently about the US government not honouring DEI anymore, and whatever you believe around culture or gender or whatever it may be, we need to foster inclusivity. Even if everyone is exactly the same and everyone likes each other and there are no major differences, we still need to make sure everyone feels included. Now that doesn't mean that if you're a solo business owner, you need to make sure everyone in the world sees themselves as your client or your customer. No, I mean the environments that we're creating need to feel inclusive, that people are welcome to be there, and if you’ll make a group that is just for your culture or your community or your faith, that's okay. But if someone is curious and wants to find out more, do you open the door to them? Do you have a loving conversation? Do you allow curiosity? If it’s a workplace with a lot of different kinds of people, do people feel supported? Do people feel heard? Do people feel like they belong and are honoured, supported, and cheered on for their own skills and talents and ways of being? Wrapping Up When we think back, Accelerating Action means, let's speed this up.
I trust if you've read this far, you're on point with what I'm saying, and if this brings up for curiosity or confusion where you wonder, “I don't know how to do this piece. How do I take bold action? I don't know how to measure my life according to satisfaction, rather than success or whatever it may be” reach out to me [email protected]. Until next time, stay dynamic. Read my other blogs:
I’ve been hinting at this for weeks, and this week, I’m finally sharing my story of losing my spark and what it took to reignite it. As you’re reading this, ask yourself,
Because I'll tell you, the strongest people in your life, the ones who outwardly are doing really well, who are super confident, successful, driven, connected and have lots going on (have a really full life) could be the ones struggling, are depressed, the ones who have lost their spark.  This story, I’d say, is the first major time because anytime I’ve lost my spark since, I’ve been able to catch it. I've been able to know what it is. I'll explain a little bit why I didn't know I had lost my spark and the reasons why I didn't want to acknowledge it. How I lost my spark I'm now 45, and this was when I was about 28 years old. For years, I was in a constant cycle of checking boxes. I got the job I wanted, the home, the life, and success in all these different areas. On paper, everything looked great, so I had a good job, and I was engaged to be married, and we were planning on buying a home, and I was staying fit, had friends, and a loving family, and I was ticking off all the success boxes, but deep down, I felt empty. I was showing up every day. I was doing what was expected, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing. I'd worked so hard to build this really successful life, a life that was supposed to feel fulfilling. I was doing everything right, but instead of feeling accomplished, I felt drained. I felt disconnected. I was really depressed, and I thought this is just maybe what life was to be like, "Oh, this is just how it is." Maybe there are not as many daily exciting things, or I'm not traveling, or whatever it was, but at the core of it, I felt unfulfilled and exhausted. I was hiding my true feelings just about how crummy I felt, and I was juggling everything. It's not that I necessarily was overworked or overwhelmed, but I was juggling everything, keeping up appearances. But inside, I felt like I was fading. It was like my spark had disappeared. I didn't know how to explain it. But no matter what I achieved, I couldn't bring it back. When I was little, I did well in school. I was the president of the clubs, the captain of sports teams. I knew a lot of people. I wasn't necessarily friends with everyone, but I knew a lot of people, and I knew how to perform at a high level. I knew how to be driven, how to achieve, how to get things done. I was independent, self-reliable, all these great qualities, which I'm sure a lot of other successful women who feel this way have also been in that situation, but I couldn't bring the good feelings back. No matter what I tried, I couldn't bring back that spark. I was pouring all of my energy into things that truly didn't fulfill me. I didn't know at the time. What would I do? I would work harder. I would try to be everything to everyone. I was numbing that emptiness, that void that I just couldn't fill. I was numbing it with distractions, things like wine, snacks. I kept thinking,
I thought the happiness “would come when”, and the problem with "would come when" is that the goalposts just kept moving. I’d say, “I got there,” and then I would feel empty and would set my focus on the next goal, "Okay, well, now it's when I achieve that, or when I get this." I actually thought I could figure it out on my own. I was doing all the things and keeping up appearances, as I said, but it wasn't until my friend pulled me aside at work and said, "Diane, you've lost your spark." I was like, "What?" "Yeah, you've lost your spark." I said to her, "You can see that?" She said, "Yeah, what's going on with you?" Then I started bawling because I was like, "Ah, the cat's out of the bag. I'm not hiding it as well as I thought." But I felt wrong for being unhappy, like I was super ungrateful for the life that I had at that time, for all the things I had succeeded at. I thought, "How dare I say that I'm not happy? How dare I say that I'm struggling with all the success I had?" Some of you might think, "Oh, first world problems, Diane.” But when we have our basic needs met, the Maslow's hierarchy of needs, and then we have even our wants met, none of it matters if, at the core, we are feeling off. From her pointing this out, realizing at that point that I couldn't do it all on my own, I decided to do something completely out of my comfort zone. I hired a coach. Now, when you think,
But the thing was, I wasn't good at being vulnerable because I was always in these leadership positions. It's true. It's lonely at the top because I didn't feel like I had people that I could open up to and confide in and speak my truth about how I was really feeling. It was super strange at first sharing with my life coach, and I was in my pragmatic, analytical brain focusing on solutions, "Okay, so we're going to do this and this and this and this." I thought it was all about goal setting and such, but it wasn't. I wasn't used to being vulnerable like that. I wasn't used to admitting that I needed help, beyond the help that everyone would need. But inside, something told me that this was what I needed, and that decision changed everything. How coaching helped me Working with my coach gave me a perspective that I could not see for myself. It was like someone held up the mirror to my face and said, "This is exactly what's holding you back, and here's how we're going to move forward." That's what you need in these times when you've lost your spark where you're like, "Where am I? Who am I? What do I like anymore?" That's the time when I started reconnecting with the person I used to be. That vibrant, passionate version of me that I thought I'd lost because I looked back and said, "Wow, who is that person that did that? Who is that person that just said, 'Oh, I'm going to go live and work in Japan, and I'm going to go travel here. I'm going to jump out of a plane.'” Who is that wild, carefree, life-loving person? I understand that every day is not travel and moving to another country and jumping out of a plane. But I didn't want to feel stuck anymore, and so coaching helped me to stop feeling bad. For the first time in a long time I actually felt alive again because it seemed to go over probably a couple of years. I've had this happen to me, a bunch of times throughout my career, where I've had these moments of like, "Where did my spark go?" I start to feel like it's Groundhog Day and so disconnected. From that, I've been able to create a life that feels aligned with who I really am, not just what looks good on paper. I've learned how to prioritize myself, set boundaries and focus on what truly brings joy to my life. If you're like, "Oh, I know those things. I know about setting boundaries, prioritizing myself and focusing on what brings me joy," but you're not implementing them - that's the thing. I knew a lot of things, as do you, but they’re no good, if you're not implementing them. There were a lot of things I didn't know. I didn't know about balancing your life in all 10 areas. I didn't know about measuring your life according to satisfaction. I didn't know about living more in alignment with my values, not my morals, but my values, the things that energetically are powerful for me and have resonance. Now, because of those things, my relationships are deeper, my energy is brighter, and I finally feel like I'm living more authentically. Then if you're like, "Well, but Diane, if you realized all of this at that point, then how do you keep losing your spark?" Well, what I see is there's a progression to who we are and what we do and how we develop. My goal is to be 1% better than the day before. When you keep moving up in your success levels, it's like new level, new devil. There are new challenges and new negatives and new feelings of pressure and responsibility and new titles you have to live up to, and new rules where you have to be not only the super woman, but the superhero where you do well in every area, plus you need to save everyone in every area that you're doing well. As you move up, there are new pressures, so you develop differently, and then you fill your time with different things. There are times when I've needed to reset, or there have been times, like after both kids, I had postpartum depression. During COVID, my father died. My whole business model changed from live events to online. After building my online business, my Facebook account was deactivated, so I lost all my Facebook ads, everything I was doing there, every picture I'd ever taken and posted on Facebook. My kids were at home during COVID, and I had long COVID. One of the times, I coughed for eight months straight. That's another period of time where I lost my spark. Another time is when I filled my calendar with more analytical things, things around strategy and figuring things out. My coach called me out and said, "Diane, you are in the work boots, and you need to be back into the sparkly shoes." That rings true for our lives. It's about getting back into the joy and out of the dissonance, the things that are creating friction and sucking your energy. People have commented at different points in my life. Yes, my friend commented, "You've lost your spark," or "Something's off," or "Are you okay?" Then later they'll comment, "Wow, you have this special glow, this new energy about you. You seem to be doing exceptionally well." These sort of comments will come. Some of those comments still came when I had the mask on and was pretending everything was good. But when I've been able to flip it, there has been a glow. I'm in one of those glowy times right now. I am. Because I feel alive. I feel confident. I feel light again, like I'm not carrying the weight of the world anymore. In the no spark times, I felt like I was just surviving, like "I just had to get through the next day, and then I had to do it all over again." You've heard this before, go from surviving to thriving, but I did it in a way that feels true to me. I think that's most important. I see now that the spark actually was never fully gone. That's why I'm doing the ReIGNITE program because the spark is still in there. It's gone from a blaze to this tiny, little ember, and it's just buried under things like expectations, responsibilities, distractions, titles, lack of space, and overwhelm. What I needed wasn't more achievement or more things or more tasks or more material items, but I needed more alignment with what truly mattered to me, every single time. What got me here to where I am today, after each of these times, and what got me out of each of these sparks was just deciding that I was totally done with feeling empty and burnt out, that I made the decision to invest in myself by hiring a coach and take the steps to ReIGNITE that spark and rediscover the joy I had lost and the joy in the new version of me. The joy of a 25-year-old Diane to a 45-year-old Diane is very different. Before it was things like jumping out of a plane, bungee jumping, canyon swings, water rafting. These wild things. Now for me, it's different. It's African drumming, it's stand-up comedy, it's glassblowing, massages, time with friends, church. Totally different. What worked for me It’s really recognizing that something needs to change. Awareness is the first step, and I had to admit to myself that the way I was living wasn't working. Then I needed to reclaim my identity, not from this identity of what others put on me, or society put on me, or that I have just sort of ended up in, and I started focusing on who I really was and allowing that to come out.  I am a little bit feisty. I am a little bit edgy, but often when I can get into these places, I'm playing the perfectionist. I'm playing the goody-goody. I'm playing the person who doesn't make mistakes, and not because I'm hiding my mistakes, but because of the pressure. I get to not focus on these roles but instead focus on me and not just check the boxes. It's important that I really continue to make prioritizing myself so crucial. I learned how to say no, to set boundaries, to make space for things that bring me joy and energy, not just space for things that I've been requested to do, and it's so important for me to connect deeply with others. Just yesterday, I had what was to be an hour or two with one of my VA clients, and it ended up being like four hours of us connecting deeply. But that means that I need to always remember, don't hide behind that polished facade. I had to start building authentic, supportive relationships by being vulnerable. As I let go of perfectionism, I had to stop trying to do it all and instead focus on what truly aligned with my values and my desires. Also, stop measuring life according to success and instead focus on what brought me more satisfaction, which sometimes then doesn't bring accolades. If you’re reading this and feel like this is true for you, then let's talk. Because I believe you can do this, too. You can come out of that place where you've had a lack of spark. A short story about my client I should share a little story with you about one of my clients, who I'm going to call Jane. She really felt like she had lost herself, and she wanted to get her vibrant self back again. She came to me, super confused because, like me, she had a great partner, she was raising her kids, she was building a business, and yet she felt like something was missing. She said, "I don't know what it is," so similar situation to me, and she felt like something was off, like she lost herself in all the titles that she had, and she didn't feel anything lit her up anymore. Like, "What makes me happy? I have no idea." Basically, she was living in black and white, and she also seemed very flat. There was a heaviness, flatness to her. She definitely had lost her spark, but thankfully, through some coaching, we were able to uncover her spark again. We were able to get her back to her best self, not just herself, but to her best self, in under six weeks. This is why I created ReIGNITE, by the way, doors closed last Friday, depending on when you're reading this. Doors are closed. However, if you email me [email protected], I could open a spot for you, depending on where you're at. Share with me what’s going on for you. That's how I started with my coach. I poured my heart and soul into an email to her, and she was like, "I'm taking you on for sure." Anyway, let's go back to Jane. She was so much happier after, and it made her marriage improve. She showed up as a more engaged parent. She was more confident, so her business did better. The best part of all of that is when she said, "Diane, I feel like I'm living in colour again," and that's how it feels when you lose your spark. You're in black and white, and when it comes back, you're in colour. Wrapping Up That spark is there, right? It's still waiting for you to uncover it. If you have a friend in this situation, send them this blog for sure, and they can reach out to me as well. The key thing is to shift from that feeling of being unfulfilled or burnt out to a feeling of being alive and aligned. That's how you're going to have more success in life. You don't have to become someone new. You don't have to change everything about your life. You just really need to reconnect with who you are, and take the steps to bring your spark back. I know it's possible. I did it with the help of a coach, once, twice, three, four times over the years. It's a lot of years. 20 years that I have been losing my spark and then getting it back, and I continue to increase my success along the way. Share this blog with a friend who you think, "Yeah, maybe, she has lost her spark, and she needs to hear your message." If this resonates with you, reach out [email protected], no matter when you read this, I don't want you living in black and white anymore. Until next time, get your spark back and stay dynamic. Read my other blogs:
We celebrated the 300th episode of the Dynamic Women Podcast. I was joined by a bunch of friends and supporters and I answered their tough questions and vice versa. This is part 2 of that episode. What's one myth or stereotype about women that you believe needs to be debunked? And why? As you're thinking, I did a post the other day about how people judge me when I go away with friends, or even when I do an overnight in Whistler that I do once a year, and they'll say, “How could you leave your family for ten days? What about your children? What about your husband?” I' reply, “What about them? They're good!” Yes, my children are jealous, but my husband says, “You work hard, so why don't you get to go and relax and recharge?” I think the stereotype that women shouldn't be leaving the home to have a little personal vacation is wrong. Needs to be debunked. We need our time away to recharge and relax and have new experiences. Anyone else have an answer for this one? Barb: Two things. One, kind of a little bit on to what you were talking about. This idea of women, they have to be working, and they need to be in the house and everything. I can remember when my children were young, and I would be traveling for work, and people would be asking, "But who's looking after the kids?” My husband and I are an excellent 50-50 partnership and family rearing. My mother's like, "But who gives the kids baths?" It's a different era, and this is now 20 years ago, so the times have changed since then as well, but there's still this kind of idea that a woman can't leave the house to do their job if they have children because there isn't someone back in the house who can look after them. It has been changing. It hasn't completely gone. I think the other thing for me is this idea that you can't have emotions. Maybe I'm not sure if it's a stereotype that women have more emotions, or if it is just the way that our society was and has brought up, but I think I personally show more emotions in the things that I do, and I think that there's a lot of research now about emotional intelligence that shows that great leaders have a better understanding. Not—I don't mean just bursting out into anger or fear or crying or whatever emotion might come along, but that the control and the understanding of emotions is a much bigger part in what our society needs. I think women have this, and I think it's great for our society if we have more people with these abilities leading our children into the next era.” Patricia: “When women speak assertively, they're often perceived as aggressive.” Pamela: “I think I was just thinking about this because I'm like, what could it be? But I think it's the myth that we can't have it all. We can have it all, especially in this day and time. There's VAs, we can delegate, and we can have it all and feel that fulfillment at the same time as we are bringing our family in. I mean, now people work from home. Your families are with you. You don't have to farm them out, or take them to wherever they need to go. I think that myth—we can have it all!” Actually, COVID, I think, helped us out a lot to be able to be normal about things. I can remember I was in a mastermind, or in a training or something, and my son came in. I somehow left the door unlocked. He came in wearing a ninja costume, and he's an extrovert, for sure, and he loves attention, so he was in the camera, and I'm like, "Get out!" Then he leaves, and he comes back with a sword, and he starts putting the sword in the camera, and everyone's laughing, and no one shamed me, which was really good. I think that's where COVID has helped us a lot. I'm going to do kind of the quick answer to a few of these questions, and then I'm thinking about doing longer episodes to really honor the answer to them. Paula’s question for me: Over the last 300 episodes, I imagine you've learned so much. My question is, what is one of the most surprising lessons you have learned, and the one that perhaps you never saw coming? I had to think about this. What came up was actually something I mentioned earlier, is the episodes that get the most listens are the ones where I'm super vulnerable. But like, no surprise! So many people commented on my post where I felt judged that I just did the other day. Many people commented because it’s true about how I'm feeling and they connect with it. The super vulnerable ones get more views, get more downloads, whatever, than the ones where I'm polished. I think that's also true for how I consume content. I want to see someone being real and know the behind the scenes. Lydia’s question for me: What was the number one thing that you feel led you to be successful as a speaker and entrepreneur? Actually, it is one thing, which is really funny—it's one word: implement. Or execution. I go to Vegas three times a year to meet one of my coaches, and there's a big mastermind, and he loves to pull me up to the front to say, “Hey, can you talk about that day you made a sale from stage and made $90K.” He loves when I tell the story, or these other stories because it’s fanning his flame and I play it up. Because it fans his flame, and all is good.  What I say to them is, implement. People will tell you strategy all day long. You will come up with great ideas all day long, but you have to actually get it out there. You have to do it. I'm very quick in action, whether for years and years it was only me and then I had Canadian assistants, and a time when I paid contractors, and then I had my virtual assistants. There's always someone that helps me to get things out quickly. But before, it was me. But before that, I think what's helped me just in life to be successful is my mother's belief in me. She would say, “You can do it. You can do it.” I remember I invited her to a talk in my hometown, and I said, “Mom, you can come to this one. I got you a ticket.” She says, “I can't come.” I said, “No, it's a public event. You can come.” Then she said, “No, I can't come.” I said, “Yes, you can - it’s local.” She said, “I can’t because I'll be nervous.” I said, “Why will you be nervous? You don't need to talk to anyone.” “No, no, no, I'll be seeing you speak, and I'll be nervous.” “Why? I'm the one speaking?” “I know, but I'll be nervous.” “Why? I'm going to do a good job.” “I know you will, but I'll still be nervous.” “Why?” “Well, I never understood all the things you've done.” “Mom, you always said ‘you can do it’, and I believe in you.” “Yeah, but I never understood how you actually could do it.” And it's funny, because she always said to me, “I believe in you, and you can do it.” Then in my head the conversation would be, “I’m so scared, but mom says, I can do it, and mom believes in me, so I'm going to do it.” Then I did it. Sometimes I go so far away from that girl, and I ask:
I have these moments of who was that, and then I have to reconnect with her. Maybe that's a takeaway for you, is to believe in yourself, and the greatest thing is now I get to be that belief for others. There's a funny quote that I say, “If you don't believe in yourself, hire someone who does”, because it's the same thing. That gave me a “How can I” attitude because it wasn't about “Could I do it?” it was about “How can I do it”?
It's twofold: my mama's belief in me, but then my quick action to implement, and I just see it through. Wrapping Up Reaching the 300th episode of the Dynamic Women Podcast is a milestone I’m truly grateful for. It’s been an incredible journey filled with insightful conversations, powerful stories, and invaluable lessons. Throughout this special episode, I had the honour of answering thought-provoking questions and hearing inspiring insights from an amazing group of women. Their contributions made this recording even more meaningful, and I couldn’t be more appreciative of the time and energy they brought to the conversation. To all of you—whether you're reading this blog or you listen to the podcast or watch the YouTube—I want to say a heartfelt thank you for being part of this journey. Your support, engagement, and encouragement mean the world to me. This podcast has always been about empowering dynamic women like you, and I’m excited for what’s ahead! Speaking of what’s next—stay tuned for the next episode, where I’ll share about the times I lost my spark, when I felt like an imposter in my own life, and how I found my way back to fulfillment and joy. If you have a topic, question, or story idea you'd love to hear on the podcast, I’d love to know! Feel free to reach out at [email protected]. If you haven’t yet, I’d truly appreciate it if you could leave a review of the Dynamic Women Podcast. When you do, send a screenshot along with your mailing address to [email protected]—I have a little surprise waiting for you! Thank you for being part of this incredible journey. Until next time—stay dynamic! Diane A special shoutout again to our guests:
Read my other blogs:
We celebrated the 300th episode of the Dynamic Women Podcast. I was joined by a bunch of friends and supporters and I answered their tough questions and vice versa. Sharing with you below some of the questions and answers from this recording. A recap of the Dynamic Women Podcast This is the 300th episode. We're in our fifth year. My goal with this podcast is to share my experiences, share my truth about all areas of life for women, a lot of it based on businesswomen and how to have success and be dynamic. In those years, I've done a lot of personal solo episodes, but I've also brought on amazing guests to do shows with me. Also, we've done panels, and I'm proud to say that we've won five awards. \We were third in the list of top 50 podcasts and Jenna Kutcher was ranked number one. I was pretty proud of that. We're in the top 2.5% of all podcasts. That's the exciting news about the podcast.  Question 1: In your experience, what defines a dynamic woman? I'm going to just tell you why I chose “Dynamic Woman” as the title. Back in 2013, I started a community called Dynamic Women. We were doing live events across eight different locations. Then the podcast came from that. Why I chose Dynamic Women is because when I thought I was going to call it Confident Women, I realized, there's going to be a lot of women saying, "I'm not a confident woman, so I can't show up at this event."' But it was funny, when I thought of the word “dynamic,” I asked myself, “What does that even mean?” We'll probably get a lot of people saying, “I'm dynamic!” Those are the confident ones, and then the not-confident ones will say, “That sounds cool. Maybe I'm dynamic, I don't know, but it sounds like a cool place to be, and I'm going to meet some great women,” and that's actually what happened. After you tell me what defines a dynamic woman, I'll tell you what all of these women told me at these events. Pamela: “‘Dynamic,’” for me, I mean, just reading the actual definition, constant change, active, you're lively, you're energetic, you're spirited. I think it's a woman who is always on the go and continuously learning and continuously reinventing yourself because to keep up the pace with everything and the way it's going, that's what I see it as.” Barb: “Similar to Pamela, I went to the definition because I didn't know what “dynamic” meant. I don't know, am I a dynamic woman? I have no idea. Yet, one of the core components of what I talk about and how I help people is about leading people through change and understanding - our lives are filled with change. Everything that we do, if we can't learn how to overcome the change that we have to get through, and we will always be going through change, we can't be successful. The fact that we're here, whether you are on camera or not, whether you speak or not, the fact that you've shown up in some way says that you've gone through enough change that this is a place that you can be. I think you fill your place with some incredible women that are filled with dynamic abilities.” Lydia: “I took a little bit of a different approach. I did not look at the definition, but to me, a dynamic woman is a woman who knows herself, knows who she is. She creates her own unique style and lives by that style. She builds a community, and she shares what it is that she has learned that brought her to the place that she's at currently.” Patricia: “Well, of course, she's a resilient woman, and I love to say, “Know your gifts and give what you can.” A dynamic woman knows what fuels her up, what helps her flourish, and she takes that energy and her gifts, her strengths, her skills, her knowledge, and she gives what she can to make a positive difference in the world.” The reason why I started Dynamic Women was because I was sick of surface-level networking. When it's like, shake a hand, take a business card, and then you see the person the next week, and they shake your hand, and they give you a business card, and you go, “We met last week,” or you meet people and they're like, “Oh, what do you do? You're a coach?” Oh, and they're looking for the next person to speak to. I was like, forget that. I'm going to start a community where we actually aren't allowed to sell ourselves. We have to meet as who we are, rather than what we do. By getting to know each other, that know-like-and-trust will happen, and we'll get to know each other in different ways, and then we'll want to do life and business together. When I asked at the events, “What makes a dynamic woman?” and all these words were coming at me, it was so interesting to see they were juxtaposed. They're complete opposites: great listener, great communicator, creative, analytical. They're funny. They're thoughtful. We even got really fun ones, like “sassy pants.” I'm like, “Sure, okay!” We have both sides, and there were so many different definitions of who a dynamic woman was that it was so interesting. This happened every single time I opened up a new location. Karen’s question for me: My first question is around the fact that there's a trend going around with people having coffee with themselves, a younger version of themselves 10 years ago. What would that conversation look like for you? And what’s your biggest regret? If I can, I'd actually like to go back to the younger version of me, past 10 years because I've been in this business for like 15 years. If it was 10 years, I'd probably say, “Start the podcast sooner.” That's what I would have said to her at that moment. Also, my children were young then and I wish I would have said to her, “This is not how life is going to be like. You're just in the trenches now, it will get easier, and you probably have postpartum depression. Go take care of that.” I wish that would have clicked in sooner, but it's hard when you're such a driven high achiever, to be able to not just push through the hard times. But my biggest regret actually, and this is something I think should be taught in the school system is actually measuring my life according to success. This was a game changer for me. As I was mentioning, high achiever, top performer, pushing always like, “Oh, I can be president of that. I can win that award. I can achieve that.” It wasn't a case of “Will I go to university?” It was “Which one and how many scholarships will I get?” It's always been check-the-boxes, reach the success, and get awards and achievement. That's where my focus went. Always measuring my life according to success until I hired a life coach. I did the Wheel of Life, and I realized, “No wonder I can't keep life balance between work and life because work is actually just one area.” I now work on a 10-area wheel of life. That was mind-blowing, that, “Oh, it's not about success,” because I was at a moment in my life where I had checked all the boxes, had all the success, was engaged, going to buy a house, doing all the things before I'm 30, great job, all the stuff. I wasn't happy. I was like, “Well, how am I not happy?” Then I felt super bad because it made me seem ungrateful because my life was so successful on paper, and yet I felt like a void. I won't go into it too much because that'll just wreck the next episode. I'll have nothing left to say, but when I could start measuring life according to satisfaction and look at all 10 areas, I realized, “Wow, I'm not happy in that area, and I'm not happy in that area, and I'm not happy in that area, and that's why I'm unhappy and eating nachos and drinking wine at night” - it was mind-blowing. My biggest regret is that I didn't know about that until I was 29, and so if you're right now going, “But I don't know about the life wheel and the 10 areas and measuring my life according to satisfaction.” Okay, so we need to talk, and I'm going to show you, and life's going to be a lot nicer for you. One piece I also want to add to that is the other thing I realized, and probably what I would tell myself or my younger self, even 10 years ago: Always align yourself according to your values. I don't mean my morals or my faith beliefs and following the Ten Commandments. I don't mean that stuff. I mean my value for things like adventure. I love being a trailblazer, but not the one that's like, “Look at me, I did all these things, and I'm awesome.” More so like, “Hey, I went ahead. I did this thing. Now I'm back with you. I'm going to show you. Here are the steps. Do you want me to walk with you, beside you, behind you, in front of you? Like, I'm going to make it so easy for you.”  I also have a value, which came from the word “challenge.” I like challenge, and challenge came through my sports, my love of sports, and I tore my ACL when I was 28, and so I was unable to play rugby at a competitive level or soccer anymore at a very competitive level. I lost a part of myself, and so I had to bring challenge into my life for fun, to feel alive, and so I wish I had known earlier to really stick with my values, and if I always chase my values, I will always have energy and resonance and happiness. It's when I say yes to things that aren't in my values that I feel dissonance and friction, and it's not fun. Karen’s follow-up question: Diane, so the follow-up is: the first thing you said was one of the things you would have done sooner is your podcast. How does that podcast relate to your values, the wheel of life that you talked about? How does that all come together? I'm really excited about this question. Two pieces: So the 1st piece actually is that I love efficiency. That's a value of mine. This podcast helps me with efficiency. On the other side, the efficiency actually helps me balance my wheel. Before, I used to do a blog and do a YouTube video and then do all my social media and then do my newsletter, and I did something new for everything. Well, that's stupid because it's not efficient, and you have to do so much work. When I did the podcast, I started to realize this is a repurposing machine. The podcast is also my YouTube video because I record on video. If you're a podcaster and you're not recording on video, record on video and then use that for something. Then my team now takes the transcription and they make it into my blog. If you've been reading my blog and listening to my podcast and they sound similar, it's because it's the exact same thing. The blog is just cleaned up a little bit because I speak not as well as I guess people write, or my team transcribes it and fixes it, and then I look back and I go, “Why did I say it that way? I'm going to change it.” Then that is turned into the newsletter and turned into all my social media posts. Then the newsletter and the social media posts refer back to YouTube, the blog, and the podcast. I actually called it Content Multiplication Magic (a program I developed), how to make one piece of content into all these different pieces. Even better if you have a virtual assistant to do it for you. It has given me time back in my life because it's much easier if I'm a speaker first and a writer second - or a writer fifth, I don't even care about writing as much as I do speaking. But for those of you who are writers, you would write first, and then you could read it, and that could be your way of repurposing content and being efficient. When and where are you most satisfied in your life? It's not the success piece. This is satisfaction. Where do you feel that contentment, fulfillment, happiness? Where is that for you? For me, a lot of satisfaction comes on the soccer field, and when I tore my lateral meniscus, the orthopedic surgeon looked at me and said, “Do you do this for fun or fitness?” I'm like, “I love it.” He's like, “Okay, then keep doing it. But it's not the smartest.” Cathy: “Right now, I'm the most satisfied I've been in my life, and it's because I've learned to make decisions based on what I want, what I need, and keeping in mind that if it's not going to either maintain my happiness or increase my happiness, then it probably isn't a good decision. That was where this little guy. He's two and a half now, and I've realized he's 24 pounds, not 20, but he still just wants to be with me. He is my source of exercise. We do a lot of long walks together and gets me outside. I've lost over 30 pounds in two and a half years and gotten fit. It's helped keep my brain clear to focus on my job, focus on my work, and what it is I want and what I'm going to do with it. It’s where I am and what I am doing. Recently, I moved to Halifax. Since I moved here, I lived out in the country, and just being in the city is a whole different dynamic. It recharges me in a way that I didn't even expect when I made this decision. It was based on the fact that I was having way too many in-person meetings to be commuting 65 kilometers each way, two to three times a week. It was too much, and I said, “Well, here's the financial side of it.” But that's not why I'm doing it. I don't want to spend that much time away from home. I don't want that. I don't want to come home and be exhausted. As much as I love the dog, I'm exhausted. I have to make supper. I have to do laundry. I have to take the dog for a walk. I probably have taken him for two walks. I just didn't want that stuff in my life. I wanted the simple life, much simpler, much clearer. Lots of outside time, lots of opportunities to network and start to build my profile more here in Nova Scotia. I had one in BC, but not so much here yet. So that's all the things that are starting to happen, because the dynamic has changed.” The thing that I'm hearing from Cathy is that she looked at “Where am I not satisfied? What am I not happy about? I'm going to do something about it.” That's what’s important around measuring your life according to satisfaction, rather than measuring your life according to success. I've worked with people who have, on purpose, taken demotions instead of promotions, in order to have the lifestyle they wanted or worked one day less a week and maybe made a little bit less money, but they were fine with that. Even better, if you can do both - make more money and work less. Paula: “I was really thinking about satisfaction, so I'm glad you asked this. When you were talking about your own striving for success, and it just really allowed me to reflect that it's that shifting away from success to satisfaction has allowed me to blossom more. I think that's what I would say, and to really refine what it is that allows me to flourish. I think that is the key because success to me just - we're just constantly on that little hamster wheel, but in satisfaction, allows you to take a step back and sit in what it is that's surrounding you, and what it is that allows you to flourish and really, really understand I think the deeper points of yourself through satisfaction.” I love the word “flourish.” That's what we're wanting, right? We want to flourish in our lives. We don't want to be like ho-hum, every day is the same, and life sucks. That's why I actually created the ReIGNITE program, because when I lost my spark thankfully, my friend called me out and was like, “You lost your spark.” I definitely wasn't flourishing on the inside. I was flourishing on the outside, and then my face had to keep up appearances with “Everything's good,” but that's not how things are. Lydia: “It's interesting the last several years, I have put myself in a place where I move around a lot, like last year, for example, I went to Australia twice. I stayed for three months at a time, and that was part of me developing that I have to be satisfied and know who I am no matter where I'm at. It's not being responsive to what's going on around me. It comes from within me. I feel satisfied because I can be in that place no matter where I go." That's goals, everyone. You can be satisfied no matter where you are. I went to a conference, and a lot of the people attending were complaining about everything and blah, blah, blah, complaining, complaining about this speaker and that speaker and this abstract not matching, and all this. I was just like, “We can be in this place of dissatisfaction and annoyance and frustration and anger, or we can be like, what's one golden nugget that I'm going to learn from this person?” It made me think about how we're in control of our own state. Sandrine: “I am more satisfied when I'm being productive. I can be very happy doing nothing like I do lots of dog sitting. I have my happy moment. But to be satisfied, I need to be busy and productive. I only get satisfaction, I think, from that, whether it is from cleaning the house or helping someone or planning, but I think productivity - and people shouldn't know “Oh, you work too much, or you move too much, or you can't relax.” I really take a lot of pleasure and satisfaction by being on the move, and as happy as I can be doing nothing, to really be truly in my element, I need to get things done.” I think that's the key thing Sandrine is bringing up is knowing what makes you happy. That's the hardest question when I talk to audiences when I'm speaking, or even when I was in a professional women's group, and we were waiting for the event to start. I asked, “What do you want?” They were like, “What do I want for lunch?” I'm replied, “No, what do you want in life?” “Oh, I don't know. I never really thought of that. I don't know, a bigger house, more vacation.” A lot of times, people come to me and they confess, “I don't know what I like to do or want. I have all this time off, and I haven't booked it because I don't even know what I would do with the time if I'm not working.” Pamela: “I love to sing. I love to connect with people. Writing and also my podcast, I love that. I love interviewing people and having them share their story. I love to hear how they took their power back when they went through scenarios, but that connection with people and just really helping others. If it can involve music, I love that too. That really fulfills me.” Rochelle’s question for me: How do you GROW into being a leader? First, the leadership part for me comes around having a really high work ethic, commitment, and doing what's right. I think of my times when I was younger. When I was chosen as captain of the teams, no matter the sport, I was often the captain, president of clubs, and president of Student Council. Then, when I grew up and was doing all this stuff, I had a very high work ethic. In soccer, I would be there first, and I'd be already ready and warming up. I would be doing all the drills to the top of my ability. I had to be the top because I'm like, “If I'm going to be your captain, I need to be able to run further, farther, faster.” I would train on my own, and I did a lot of things to raise my own bar so that I could then expect others to raise their bar. Because if I wasn't going to do it, why would they do it? Then also looking at “How can I empower others?” That was probably one of the lessons that I learned and it was news to me that not everyone could do what I could do, or as quickly as I could do it. This sounds a bit egotistical now that I'm sharing that. But I was surprised. I was very surprised because things did come easily to me. When I moved up in my company pretty quickly. I was everyone's friend until I was promoted. Then all of a sudden, people don't want to be your friend anymore when you're evaluating them. I had to keep up the small talk. That's the hardest for me, when growing into being a leader. Because I just like, “Let's get it done.” What I realized too is because I can think of like 20 things, and then I implement the things, and then I'm like, “Oh, it's easy,' and blah, blah, blah.” But it's not for a lot of people, it wasn't. I had to realize that I had to share with people like this level and then this level and then this level, but I get so excited, and I'm like, “But here's the whole thing and all that,” and people get overwhelmed. What I realized is to be a great leader I had to go back to when the teacher sat me beside the struggling kid, I had to remember to share at their level and then help them to build their confidence and not to focus on making it perfect. In business in general as well - make it be easy for them to replicate. The more I made everything look perfect, the more people felt they couldn't achieve what I achieved. I had to learn to turn up the vulnerability, because people think, “Oh, you're so perfect. Everything comes easy to you.” But the reality is, “No, I've had this trouble and this struggle and this and this.” I think the other part of me being a leader was sharing enough of my vulnerability that people thought, “Okay, I could do that.” An audience member yelled, “That gives me hope!” I asked, “What do you mean?” She goes, “You showed me that video of you in the beginning, you sucked. Now look at you. That gives me hope that I can do the same.” And I was like, “Oh, thanks - I think!” Haha! When I learned how to share my vulnerability, not as a weakness, and to show my imperfection, that's when I really became a good leader. Then the last thing I need to share is “Eat humble pie and make small talk.” Yeah, I have to do that. I feel like I need to do a whole episode on that question. That's a good one, and it actually leads me into a side note here. We're putting out “Dynamic Women Leadership Secrets,” launching in—or being published and available at the end of May. A special shoutout to our guests:
Wrapping Up Reaching the 300th episode of the Dynamic Women Podcast is a milestone I’m truly grateful for. It’s been an incredible journey filled with insightful conversations, powerful stories, and invaluable lessons. This was just part one of the episode, so go to the next blog for the rest of the questions! If you have a topic, question, or story idea you'd love to hear on the podcast, I’d love to know! Feel free to reach out at [email protected]. If you haven’t yet, I’d truly appreciate it if you could leave a review of the Dynamic Women Podcast. When you do, send a screenshot along with your mailing address to [email protected]—I have a little surprise waiting for you! Diane Read my other blogs:
There is a happiness mistake that successful women make, and I don't want you to make it. Have you experienced this? You've achieved so much, checked all the boxes, and still felt empty or wondered, "Why don't I feel as happy as I thought I should?"  Well, there was a moment I can remember that I had checked every box that I needed to check at that point in my life.
All of this should have made me feel fulfilled, but something was missing. I kept thinking, "Maybe if I work harder, maybe if I achieve more, or I push through, I'll finally feel the way I want to." I then tried all of that, and then I thought, "Hmm, maybe something's wrong with me because if no amount of success filled that gap, that void, then something must have been wrong with me.” But this is the big mistake that people - successful women especially - make around their happiness and their joy. They think that external achievements will automatically create internal happiness. But no, no, no, no. Why isn't success enough? This is the myth that we've been sold. Society tells us: achieve more, you'll be happy; then buy more, you'll be happy, and do more because then you'll achieve more, and then you'll be happy. But many of us have spent years chasing that success, chasing the promotions, chasing recognition, chasing the perfect life, or at least just being driven enough to go for all of these things. But then we get to a point where we feel that happiness just still feels out of reach. It's like, "Oh, I got there, but I’m not as happy as I thought. I got that other thing, and sadly, it's not as fulfilling as it seemed, and I got the latest thing I wanted, and it's not as satisfying as I had imagined." When I had the moment where my friend Rozz called me out for losing my spark it was really hard, but freeing to have the realization pointed out to me. (I'm going to go through it in more detail in a future blog post. I’ll talk about two stories of where I really lost my spark and how I got it back). After working with a coach, I realized that I was measuring my satisfaction based on external validation. Why isn't success enough? Well, first, I told you, society says that we need to achieve more, so it's pushing us to measure life according to success. I learned I need to measure my life according to my satisfaction because success is external validation, but happiness comes from internal alignment. Have you ever felt off and you didn't know why? Well, that's when something isn’t aligned. You see, achievements don't automatically create joy. We have to be intentional that our achievements are actually fulfilling us internally, not just externally. But the common trap that successful, high-achieving women get into is that they feel like…
It goes on and on and on and on, and the answer is no, because once they get there, success is fleeting. It falls through our fingers. Part of it, we don't celebrate, but the other part is that it's not aligned internally. Now, you may feel happy at the time, but it doesn't stay - that's the fleeting piece - or sadly, it's not even existent at all. I had a client early on in my years who had built a business with two of their friends and ended up selling it for $75 million, their cut was $25 million. This was about 14 years ago, so you can imagine it was and still is a lot of money. And they were only 32. But once they had all the money and didn’t have to work anymore, they thought, "Oh, I'm not happy here. Why?” "I thought this would make me happy. This is what I've been building in university and beyond for years. I focused 24/7 on this goal, and it didn't bring me happiness." It was shocking for them. What we had to do was find that internal alignment. Why do we fall into this trap as successful women? I'm going to give you three reasons. Reason #1: We confuse achievement with fulfillment We measure success. We measure ourselves according to our job title, our income, our milestones, and our purchases, even if we're not materialistic. We want a nice home, or we want nice clothes, or we want a nice vacation. Also, because we're measuring our success according to these things, fulfillment feels a little bit harder to measure. It's intangible because it's feelings of joy, peace, alignment, and happiness. We can't really say, "Oh yeah, I've reached that mark of happiness." This is because we can't see it, and we don't know the path there. We're choosing that success path instead. But the mistake, again, is chasing those external wins without considering our internal desires.
But when we confuse achievement for fulfillment, we will constantly be chasing happiness. Reason #2: We delay happiness. It's the "when… then I’ll"
The problem is, the "then" never comes because you're continuously putting another goal ahead of it, or there's something bigger now that you want. Or you get there and you decide, "Oh, there's something else now in order for me to feel confident,” or just even if it's the epitome of whatever it is. You're only grasping at that intangible feeling because it wasn't the right thing to do in the first place. Reason #3: We prioritize being productive over being present Oh, I'm so guilty of this! Have you been guilty of prioritizing being productive over being present? Because you can’t achieve a goal if you're just hanging out with friends and laughing and having fun, because we're conditioned to believe our worth is tied to how much we accomplish.  It's been ingrained in us. We stay busy not only to achieve. But we stay busy because slowing down feels uncomfortable, and sometimes being alone with our thoughts and our feelings - oh, that's when we go, "There's a little voice telling me I'm not happy. There's a part of me that's pointing out what's missing here.” True happiness doesn't come from that next task. It's from being present with our lives, with ourselves and our loved ones and the things that are in alignment with us. How to create true happiness How do you create true happiness, then? How do you do it? #1: You have to redefine what success means for you. It's not about, "What do I want to achieve?" It's "What actually makes me happy?" and then creating a version of success that includes this and is aligned with your values, not just what society tells you what you should want. Even better, if you start looking to measure your life according to satisfaction rather than success, you're going to be choosing the correct goals and the correct way for you to be spending your time and where to focus. #2: Stop waiting for a milestone to give yourself permission to enjoy life. Some of our goals are five years along. Some of our goals are 20 years along, and even then some goals are out of our control. We might never realize them because some are just stripped from us, like if we get fired or we lose a big contract. Joy isn't the reward for success. I'm going to say that again: joy isn't the reward for success. Joy is something you cultivate daily. Joy is a choice in your life. Simple practices you can do to have more joy in the moment, rather than waiting for that big win or that big achievement, celebrate those small wins, celebrate who you're being along the way to the big win, nd mke sure to add things into your schedule that help you to feel alive. Things that I've done are - well, soccer definitely does, and that has for decades, but things like I did like African drumming. That was wild! The next thing I want to do is glassblowing. Soccer lights me up. Painting lights me up. Stand-up comedy lights me up. You can reconnect with the things that light you up. #3: Switch from that external validation to internal fulfillment. Focus less on "What am I achieving? What do I need to achieve today?" and ask yourself, "What do I want to feel today?" When you check in with yourself, and you ask, "Does this activity/task/goal/friend/situation/event have me feel energized or drained?" Energized is resonance. That's an alignment with you, your values, your wants, desires, needs. If it's draining, then it's in dissonance. There's friction. It sucks your energy. It's not in alignment with your values, your wants, your needs, your desires, your passions. Give yourself permission to add more of the joy in and let go of the things that don't bring you joy. ReIGNITE It’s time to ReIGNITE that spark and live with more happiness by putting the solutions above and more into place. The easiest way to do that is in ReIGNITE! It’s such an amazing program. I'm so excited about it! It is a 90-day one-on-one coaching program with me, together designing the opportunity for you to be able to feel happier, and not only feel happier but ReIGNITE the spark that is inside of you.  To stop feeling disconnected and like you're juggling it all, and instead, reconnect with that piece of you, that vibrant, passionate person that maybe feels like a distant memory, and you miss that confident person and the one who used to shine. That excitement, that energy. The good news - she's just missing, but that doesn't mean we can't get her back. Because the fire is still in you, we get to work together. It's not about reinventing yourself; it's just uncovering that bold, vibrant version of you that's been buried under the weight of busyness and expectations. Really, this is your wake-up call. It's time to stop playing small. It's time to stop succumbing to all this success pressure from society and to start fully living and be in your happy. There's a very special journey. I encourage you to go and check it out. If you're ready to jump in, hit the cart, and let's get this journey started. If you're unsure, there is a little form there you can click, you can fill it in, and you and I can have a one-on-one conversation because, trust me, I only want to work with people who this is right for, and I want you to feel like this is the right choice for you. Then you can be excited to get that spark back. Really, the last question is: are you ready to ReIGNITE your passion and get your spark back? Are you ready to have more happiness and not succumb to these mistakes? Then join ReIGNITE! Share this with a friend, and stay tuned, because there are more amazing blogs coming up. I'd love to have you in ReIGNITE. Letting you know February 21st is the date that the doors close, or when three people join the program, whichever comes first. I'm wishing you a fabulous day. Until next time, stay dynamic! Read my other blogs:
|
Archives
March 2025
Categories
All
|
RSS Feed