5 Signs It’s Time to Draw a Line in the Sand

I have had times in my life where I've had to draw a line in the sand. If you’re reading this, you're probably feeling a little bit that way already.

I’m going to share with you the five signs so that you know if it's time for you to draw the line in the sand and the three steps of what you need to do next when you feel like you need to draw that line. This might be your wake-up call. 

What it means to draw a line in the sand

This phrase is really a metaphor, and it means to set that firm boundary saying, “You can't go past this” or a clear, non-negotiable decision. That could be for your own life, so rather than a boundary to others, it could be just some decision you set for yourself.

It's that point or line which you refuse to go over or into. It could be in relationships, with work, your personal well-being, or any area of life, but we want to be able to do this now because if you're not going to set boundaries, if you're not going to reclaim yourself, especially as a high-achieving woman, you know what's going to happen? You're going to be so exhausted, so burnt out, that there's going to be an extreme. I've seen this in clients coming to me extremely sick, burnt out, having anxiety attacks, having to quit their job or stop their business, or leaving a marriage when that was not the issue. So many things can happen, almost like a blow-up or an explosion. We want to draw a line in the sand if any of these five signs are happening for you. ​

The 5 Signs 

Sign #1: You feel constantly exhausted and depleted

It's not just once in a while - it happens a lot, and so you're running on empty. You're always giving but never replenishing. Life feels like a never-ending to-do list, and you're like, "How can people even sit and watch TV? I have so much to do!" Or if you are sitting and watching TV, you're thinking, "Ah, I have so much to do, I'm just procrastinating," and you don't even get to rest or relax.

You're feeling like, "When was the last time that I felt energized? When was the last time that I had an abundance of energy and that I didn't have all these to-do's on my mind?" 

I've had times where I would work every day, rather than just weekends being off. I would work in the evenings, I would work on vacation, and I just kept being pushed. I'd miss important things, or I would have a day off, but I'd be so exhausted I'd get sick, or I would just have to lay there and do nothing. I couldn't go and do anything fun.

Now, this is an extreme. You might not be to that point. You might just feel like, "Oh yeah, the pressure of my to-do list," or "I'm feeling like there's a lot going on," or "I'm feeling a bit tired." It could be the extreme, or it could be the start of the extreme, but this is one way you might have to draw a line in the sand.

Sign #2: You feel invisible in your own life

This is because we have so many titles and so many roles that we take on. 

• You're a mom
• You're a leader
• You're a partner
• You're a volunteer
• You're a sister
• You're a friend
• You're a neighbour 

I could go on and on and on. Because of all these titles, you've really lost sight of your true self. Wondering, "Who am I now?" 

You think about maybe changing your role. "Who am I now?" You're showing up for everyone else but not enough for yourself.

Changing your job or business? Then you’re thinking, "Who am I now outside of my previous title?"

What happens is empty nesters ask, "Who am I now without the kids?" ​

You may fight me on this and say, "No, I do show up for myself. I go to the gym. I take myself to get my nails done." But are you truly showing up for yourself? Is there time and space to be you and do what you want to do? 

Some signs of this: 

• You might feel a bit disconnected. 
• You might feel overlooked by others.
• You ask everyone else about their needs, BUT you might feel that unless you speak up for your needs, it's like they don't matter. 
• You might feel so connected to a title and that’s how people know you.
• You care for everyone in all areas of life, but don’t have enough time and energy for you. 

Sign #3: You are checking boxes, but you still feel unfulfilled

I’ve heard women say (me included), "Okay, I have a home, and I have a good job or the business I want, and I just achieved that project, and I just did this, and this is great, and I went on this vacation." 

You agree, "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I have a successful career, responsibilities managed." But even though you've had so much success, something feels off. 

Wondering, "What is it? Why am I feeling unfulfilled?" Or you're asking yourself, "Is this really it? I've worked for all of this stuff. I've worked doing all these things, and then I ask, is this it?"

The misconception is that more achievements equal more happiness. More awards equals more satisfaction. More material things equals more fulfillment. It's not always the case. Because we may achieve or buy that thing and then not have the fulfillment or the satisfaction or the happiness we want. So then we try to fill it with something else because maybe the things we're filling our life with aren't really the things that light us up, that get us going, that put us in resonance and give us energy. This takes me to the next sign. 

Sign #4: You've forgotten what lights you up

You say, "Well, I don't even know what lights me up anymore." Hmm, "When I was younger, I loved this, I loved that." Or, "Oh, when I see that, I long for that." 

Well, in this case, you might be at a point where passions and joys really hit the back seat. Why? Obligations, responsibilities, goals. 

You're driven, so you're getting a lot of things done, and well, there's just no time for your passions and your joy. Or you don't remember the last time you did something just for yourself - a hobby, a passion, something you really want to do.

The shift is starting to realize joy isn't a luxury, it's a necessity. Joy, happiness, fulfillment, satisfaction is not the secondary ROI (return on investment) for your goals. It should be one of the first. We must stop measuring our life according to success. Instead, we need to measure our life based on our satisfaction, fulfillment, joy, and happiness.

Sign #5: You know something needs to change, but you feel stuck

You look at your life, "Oh wow. I have all this success, or I have all these things that are going well for me, or all these things that I'm busy," but something's off. 

Maybe you're not even aware that life isn't how you want it to be. You may say, "Is this all there is? Is there something off? Why isn't life how I want it to be? But I don't know what's wrong, and so I don't know where to start.”

If your solution is, "Well, maybe I need to remove some commitments so I can do some things that I want," but then you don’t because you have a fear of disappointing others, or you'll make the wrong move. ​

Or you decide to make a bigger move, "Maybe I should quit my job, maybe I should find new friends." But you've frozen and don’t move because you're thinking about how you don't know what the next step is. You don't have the clarity. You don't have the confidence to do that.

The key insight here is that discomfort, that fear that's going to keep you stuck, and that stuckness is so much worse than the discomfort of change or the chance that you're going to hurt or annoy someone. Because really, when you put yourself first, people will not always like it, and that's because you're not making every single one of their needs the top priority. But you know it's going to be okay, because what if they put themselves as a priority, and you put yourself as a priority? You'd have extra to give each other.

Well, those are the five ways you know that you need to draw a line in the sand. I'll go through them again:

1. You feel constantly exhausted and depleted.
2. You feel invisible in your own life.
3. You're checking the boxes, but still feel unfulfilled,
4. You've forgotten what lights you up.
5. You know something needs to change, but you feel stuck.

3 steps of what you need to do next

What do you do next if you’re now thinking, "I know I need to draw a line in the sand, but what do I do? What do I do, Diane?"

Step 1: Awareness

Well, first, congratulations on acknowledging that change is necessary. This is the first step. Awareness is key. Once you're aware that this is something that needs to happen, then you can make a conscious change. 

Because a lot of times we make unconscious changes - we just quit the job, or we ditch the friend, or we leave our marriage, or we run away, or we buy the expensive car, whatever it may be in your solution to the crisis. But just acknowledge that change is necessary.

We don't need to wait till we hit rock bottom. We don't need to wait till we have an anxiety attack, or we're burnt out, or we get a terrible diagnosis. You don't have to wait for that.

Step two: Get support. 

Women struggle asking for help, and we shouldn't. The smartest people out there are the ones asking for support and asking for help, and you have to stop trying to do it all alone. We are not meant to be silos. Especially as women, we are meant to be in community, meant to be with our tribe. The greatest growth comes from coaching (I may be biased, but it’s what saved me)- someone in your corner who has the desire to see you succeed and the knowledge and expertise to help you get there.

Step 3: Reignite your passion

Once you've drawn that line in the sand, you get to reignite your passion, reignite the spark that you know is in there. 

Don’t worry if you’re wondering, "Where'd it go? And can I fan it and make it stronger?" Just start small. Get some help. Get that support to help you figure out what your passion is, what that spark is, and make some space for it - a little bit of joy every single day.
​
The last part around reigniting your passion in step three is really about what are the non-negotiables for happiness? Is it a non-negotiable to have a walk in the forest every day? Is having Sundays free a non-negotiable? Is not starting your work day at 5 a.m. every day and only working 35 hours a week a non-negotiable? It's still a lot of hours - maybe only working 20 hours a week.

Wrapping Up
Those are the five signs why you probably need to draw a line in the sand and the three steps to get there. Now here's the invitation: You don't have to settle for burnout, exhaustion, or feeling disconnected.

The next step for you after realizing that and acknowledging the awareness that you need to draw a line in the sand is to join my new program called ReIGNITE. ReIGNITE is a 90-day one-on-one coaching program with me. 

It is new. It is fire. I'll tell you that. I've got three spots where I'm going to help women to reignite who they are, to be able to reconnect with whatever it is that they were before. Because so often we are already amazing. It's not about changing who we are. It's about reigniting that, reconnecting with that.
​
It's time for a change. You know it. You've accomplished so much, you've checked the boxes. You've had the successful career or the busy life or the thriving family, all of these things, and it's everything you've ever wanted. But it's now time for YOU. You're exhausted from juggling it all. You've lost the most important thing: YOURSELF.

I encourage you, go check it out. You have until February 21st or until the three spots are taken to jump into ReIGNITE. You can just go in and sign up. There's a full-pay or payment options. If you're not sure if it's right for you, there is going to be a little form you can fill in. I'm happy to have a one-on-one conversation with you to discuss if it is the right fit for you, because I know there's a fire still inside of you, and I want to work with you to be able to help you to reclaim that spark, to be able to stop living life on autopilot.

It's not going to take six months or years to do. It's just a 90-day process. You don't have to reinvent yourself. We're going to uncover that bold, vibrant version of you that has been buried underneath the busyness and the expectations, and we're going to replace that overwhelm together with joy. We're going to ditch the "shoulds" and help you to really, truly shine that light again.

This is your wake-up call. This is your time to stop playing small and to start fully living. Let's reignite together.

If you have any questions, reach out [email protected]. If there are any topics that you'd like me to cover, please reach out to [email protected]. If it is beyond February 21, 2025, when you are reading this, feel free also to reach out to see if I'm running this program again, or you can check the landing page that talks more about it.

Until next time, stay dynamic!
​
Read my other blogs:

1. 3 Ways to Keep the New Year Motivation Alive
2. From Reactive to Proactive: Designing a Life You Love
3. How the Negative Belief of “I Am Not Enough” Sabotages Your Happiness