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If you're feeling stuck or you need to make a change, it might actually be stemming from yourself.  Today, I'm going to the next step from my previous blog, where I talked about why you'd want to kill off your alter ego like Eminem killed off Slim Shady. In this blog, I'm going to go into the practical steps of how to break free from those chains. I'll go through some steps you can take and actions you can implement. This is something I would encourage you to do with someone else. If you want to make that next step, reach out to me at [email protected]. Let's talk about how I can bring you into a more powerful version of yourself. Recognize the Parts of Yourself First, I asked you last time to recognize the parts of yourself as you go through the world:
If you haven't read that blog, I encourage you to do so. There are actually two before this one that are part of this sequence, like a series I'm doing. In the next blog, I'll talk about fully stepping into who you're meant to be. It's important to go through this process with some self-reflection. You'll have to:
This isn't just a "feel good, let's read" blog. I really hope this provokes, pushes, inspires, and motivates you to make a change. If you don't, and you stay in that alter ego or old version of yourself, and you just haven’t given yourself permission to fully step into who you’re meant to be, you're going to suffer:
If you listened to the past episodes, you'll hear how I was feeling off. I've always been good at pushing forward, but if you're staying in that old version when a new version is presenting itself, you could end up:
Which is kind of weird, right? Because you're like, “This business or this career or this volunteering or these other roles I play are really important to me and they’re priorities to me, but I'm just not living them fully as I know I can.” It’s ok… here are seven steps you can take. They're things that I'm doing. They're things that I encourage my clients to do when they're feeling a little bit stuck in the old self. Let’s cut that old self loose. #1: Identify the Alter Ego First, we need to identify the alter ego. As I mentioned in the last blog, Eminem had the very public alter ego of Slim Shady. You probably don't have a full-on alter ego that you've named, so instead, think about:
For example, are you stepping into a boss-like, authoritative position when that's not who you really are? This could be:
Write them down because these are the pieces that make up that alter ego, that other version of you. We want to move forward and move away from that. I know there are some bad habits I want to let go of, like staying up late and doom-scrolling. I don't know who else is with me on that, but those activities are not present in my higher version. We have to acknowledge the role that part of us has played. Ask yourself:
When my father passed away four years ago, I had a lot of bad habits. I was using coping mechanisms like:
But I could coach really well, and I was happy and most like myself doing it. I understood that, at that time, I was a certain way because of the grief I was in. Maybe you've had other coping mechanisms due to a tragedy, position change, or move. It could even be a positive thing like a promotion, getting a new project, or winning a proposal. But that's not the real version of you. You might have stepped into fake confidence or an over-ego, but you want to be real and authentic. You want more of an internal confidence than this external, maybe loud in your face ego. #2: Recognize the Need for Change If we look at those habits and behaviors as we self reflect, then we're going to understand the impact of those actions and ways of being. If the old version of me was doom-scrolling, staying up late, being in an authoritative place, how is that limiting my potential moving forward?  Staying up late ruins your energy the next day. It’s creating some conflict with your current self. I've joked before that "Night Diane" often screws over "Morning Diane." Night Diane gets up to no good. She’s maybe:
Morning Diane wants to:
But Night Diane screws that over. That's the part that I need to change. What do you want to change? If you continue to stay in that old self, it will stop you from fully embracing who you want to become or who you feel you are. It’s like the five stages of change. Knowing you have a problem is the first stage. All you need to do at this stage is recognize, "I need to make a change." #3: Confront the Internal Conflicts Letting go of that old identity can bring fears of the unknown and doubts about whether you can make this change. That’s normal. I know that I'm stepping into something even bigger than I'm already doing. When I look at the evolution of me and my business, I've done so many crazy, amazing, successful things over the years. If you told me I would do all these things at the start, I would have freaked out and not believed I could step into that. I was working with a client the other day who was very successful in her career but had stepped into entrepreneurship and coaching. I could impart knowledge on her, lessons I've learned. I go, “Oh yeah, you'll just say this, and you'll just do this. In this moment, you would do this, and in this situation, you can do this and say this.” She was like, “Wow. You really break this down to be so easy, so I can cut time off and have a shortcut and not make the same mistakes you did.” The thing is, you will make mistakes because it's new. Just accept that. The fear and doubt will be there because you haven't done it before. But the cool thing is, you can bring forward your confidence in other areas. (I'll pause that piece here because it will come up more in the next blog when I talk about fully stepping into who you're meant to be.) It's important that you acknowledge, write down, journal about, and get coaching on, what are the fears? What are the doubts? I am stepping into a time when I'm going to be doing more comedy. I'm putting together a one woman show, and yes, I’m carrying forward skills, experience, and knowledge that I already have. I know I can do it; however, it is something different, and it's being seen on an even bigger level. I need to know, what are those internal conflicts? Then it's important that we face these emotions head on, that we understand they're just part of growth, a very natural part of growth, and being in that growth mindset is crucial at this time. #4: Let Go of Limiting Beliefs and Behaviors They might come up from our fears:
When we get those answers, those really become our limiting beliefs and our limiting behaviors. Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself. This is a hard time, and it will be uncomfortable. Give yourself some grace. Letting go of your old identity can be difficult and emotional, especially if that old version of you really served you. Over the years, I've evolved naturally. But right now, I feel like I'm in the birthing of this crazy big version of me, and letting go of the old versions that have been successful and that I know is challenging.  I'm taking up more space in the world. I've hired someone to continuously guide me through this journey and help me navigate this change because if you are in this space, you might end up judging yourself too hard, putting too much pressure on yourself. So you need someone that's understanding and will move you forward so you don't get into a downward spiral or back to what’s comfortable. #5: Embrace the Transformation Don't just cut ties with the old self. Start affirming the new identity. We'll talk more about this in the next blog, but it's important to tell ourselves, "This is good. The new identity is good." It helps us cut ties with the old. We reinforce that this new self of us is affirming the changes. We can do this by:
Having someone else to witness your journey is crucial. If you want to do this with me, email me at [email protected], and we'll have a conversation. #6: Challenge Societal Expectations This one might not even seem like an issue, but it's often the elephant in the room. Oftentimes, our alter ego or old version is reinforced by societal norms and expectations. I can remember working with a client who was designing her ideal life. She realized she wanted less in her life. She wanted to let go of her big, powerful job to be at home with her kids. She didn't want nannies or family members taking care of them. She wanted to be the one there, making grilled cheese sandwiches, doing art, going for walks, and playing. She said to me, "It looks like I'm taking a step back. My Big Hairy Audacious Goal is to quit my job and be at home with my kids full-time." Thankfully, she could do that financially because of what her husband was bringing in and just where they have secured themselves. But that was really hard. She was challenging societal expectations, not only from people outside but from her family too.
There was probably a conversation with her husband around this too. We have to challenge these expectations by questioning what truly aligns with our authentic selves. I'll say that again. We need to challenge societal expectations by questioning what truly aligns with our authentic selves. What truly aligned with her was being at home with her kids, being an amazing mom. She didn't want the pressure of going to that job. But in other people's eyes, it looked like she was taking a step back in her success. We might have to change how we've been conditioned in life and the things we've been conditioned to believe. Living in a place that's not in alignment and being who you're not meant to be, is harder than challenging societal expectations. #7: Celebrate and Reinforce the Change Mark the transition. Celebrate the process of letting go. Maybe you tell some people close to you that you're looking to create this new version. You're going to let go of some things. It might sound weird, but you might be like,
 Whatever it is, you might tell others around you and celebrate that. You could mark this occasion by writing a letter to your old self, thanking them for what they've done for you, and then discarding it. Maybe you burn it in a fire. You might write something on a rock, throw it in the water as a way of releasing that old self. Have a little ritual or ceremony, of really killing off the old self, cutting ties. Then we can get into the next blog about creating a new ritual that honors the new identity. Doesn't that sound fun? Wrapping Up Of these seven steps, are you going to do them all? I really hope you do. If you want, we can work through the steps. I can get you through a lot faster than if you try to do it yourself. I'll tell you that right now, and you'd feel supported, championed, cheerleaded, and carried along in this change because it can be hard, and it can be scary, but when you have someone in your corner, it's easier to face the battle when you know someone is right there ready to support you. Stay tuned for the next blog, where I will go into stepping into who you're meant to be. There's going to be more of these kinds of topics because I feel like these are really important for what I'm seeing in the world right now, seeing in my clients, seeing in female leaders, entrepreneurs, successful women, A-type, whatever you want to call them. I'm seeing a lot of this right now, and I don't want you to struggle. I don't want you to not be feeling good about who you are and where you are and if you're like “But I feel good about where I am.” Maybe it's just about fine-tuning and going into this next version stronger. Read my other blogs:
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