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If you've ever felt that pull toward something that doesn't make sense on paper, then you’ll want to read on as I share why I said yes to a one-woman show and why you don't need permission to do whatever is calling you.  What Is This One-Woman Show? I have decided to write, produce, and star in a one-woman show. I'll let someone else direct me and serve as the stage manager, and I'll handle the other pieces. I have zero theatre background, and I'm doing it anyway. Maybe there are things in your life that are calling you, kind of intriguing you, pulling you forward, or getting you excited about something. The Problem: Most People Ignore It They don't listen to the calling or the spark, however you label it. They push it down. But there's a feeling that just keeps coming up. You think about it randomly, and it doesn't go away. Sometimes, eventually, someone else does it, and then you see them, and you're so mad that they're doing it. What is this something that could be pulling you forward?
For me, doing this one-woman show is what keeps calling me. Over the past few years, I've been really interested in glass blowing. While I haven't gotten out to do it yet (I've paid for a session, I haven't done it), I have watched the Netflix Series Blown Away, been to the Chihuly Glass and Garden Gallery in Seattle, and the opening of their glass-blowing festival. There are other areas where I get this spark, this urge, this pull, and I say yes to it. Not always immediately, but eventually, I do. The feeling is not random. It's something worth paying attention to. Why We Don't Say Yes Maybe you're wondering why you haven't moved forward. The thing is, a lot of times people overthink it. Common thoughts:
Rather than looking for reasons to do it, we often look for reasons not to. My hope for you is that you can listen to this pull, give it time and space, and eventually say yes to it. I'm saying yes even though I have no theatre background, and it's not what people are expecting from me. Instead of trusting the call, you start to build that case against it: "I can't do it for all of these reasons." But the thing is, overthinking is often what stops us from doing the things that would expand us. At some point, you didn't know how to do the job you're currently doing or the business you're currently running, but you said yes. At one point, you allowed yourself to be the student, to be new at it, to just figure it out. It's funny how we get older, and we say,
We put ourselves into a box. The only thing that's needed to know is that you want to do it. The Uncomfortable Part for High Achievers We're looking to do things for the three R's:
If you're not going to get those three R's (or at least two of them), you're going to say, "I don't want to do it." But this is different:
I want to give you permission to do that. Why Am I Doing This One-Woman Show? There was something about doing this one-woman show that kept calling me, so I said yes. It wasn't because it made sense. It's much easier for me to write a keynote as a professional speaker because I've already done it. I already know what it entails. I have zero knowledge of how to write a play script. I'm not doing it because it's strategic. In theatre, it's a long game. Shows are booked one to two years out. I'm not doing this because it's a great financial move. Actually, it's a financial expense. I need to pay for:
So then why? Why would I do it? It doesn't seem like there's any rational reason, except that I'm doing it because I want to. Wanting to do something is enough reason to explore it. Stop blocking yourself! Other Things I've Said Yes To:
If I'd said no to those things, if I'd said no to writing my first book, if I'd said no to putting together my first collaborative book and my first summit, what would I have missed out on? Do you see where I'm going here? A lot of great things have happened because I've had a feeling, a pull, a spark that I was excited about doing something. That energy, when followed, that resonance, can bring amazing results. What Happens When You Say Yes  1. You Expand Who You Are There were many times when I was able to grow and learn more. Because I had to figure things out, I gained many more skills and talents. You're going to start to see new parts of yourself, and others will as well. Some people said to me, "Wow, I didn't know you were funny." Right? Because a lot of the content I put out there is very practical, or my stories, or it's vulnerable, or it's very level-headed. So you don't get to see that funny side. But that came out of my stand-up, and that's going to come out more in my one-woman show. 2. You Build Confidence in a Different Way Even though you don't feel super confident about these new things, you're going to be able to pull in some talents and skills you already have, and build your confidence in a different way. I've already been on stage. I've already spoken to an audience. I've already put on shows, keynotes, workshops, and events. I've already filled the room in my own way. But theatre is very different, and so this is me stretching and growing in a different way. 3. You Learn Things You Never Would Have Learned Otherwise You get to learn new things that you wouldn’t have had the chance to know. For example, I had to Google what a stage manager does. I'm getting paired up with a dramaturge. I didn't even know what that person did, so I had to Google it. I'm doing a lot of searching for answers, and it's quite interesting. I'm in the growth stage of it. 4. You Become Someone You Wouldn't Have Become You’ll meet more people because of this. More doors and opportunities will open for you. Not to say that you need to go write your own show, but by saying yes to your own opportunity or the thing that's calling you, that would be enough to open new doors. 5. You Model for Others
All of this comes simply from saying yes to something that calls you forward. You Don't Need to Know Where It All Leads I started Dynamic Women® as a single event and planned to have one group. People kept coming and saying, "I want you to start another group in my city. Can I give you a location?" Even though you want to be clear about the outcome when you start, you don't need to know the outcome to get started. Instead, we ask:
We get into the weeds, put obstacles in our path, and block ourselves. But the doors, the opportunities, and the different things start to show themselves as you say yes and get going. Not everything you do needs to become a business, a product, a success story. You just need to try it. It doesn't have to be a strategic move. It doesn't need to be a long-term commitment. Just go for it! I've been very lucky that my desire for different things brought success. Dynamic Women® was probably a decade of success. From doing stand-up, I didn't become a paid comic. The most I got paid for a show was $22 (basically my gas money to get there). While I'm not going to be a comic, I love bringing humour into my keynotes and humour into my workshops. But sometimes it's just about the expression of it. I still had tons of fun. It's the growth piece. It's an exploration of what else is possible. You're allowed to start something and to follow something without even knowing what the outcome would be. What's Calling You?
 I encourage you to stop overthinking it. Just take one small step towards it. One small step doesn't have to be major. For me, with stand-up, yes, my first step was to sign up for a class. But it could just be watching a stand-up comedy show. That might be the first small step. What would saying yes, in your case, be? What would that first small step be? If something keeps calling you, just saying yes is way more powerful than overthinking it. You Don't Need Permission
People ask me, "Why are you doing this one-woman show?" I don't know, because I want to. "What was the main reason for it?" I don't know. I just felt a desire. You don't need a reason that makes sense for everyone else. You just need enough to say yes for you. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is to just say yes to something that keeps calling you. Saying yes is enough to get started. Don't Let It Sit There I'm really curious about what you feel is calling you. I don't want it to sit there. I've talked with someone whose wife is a nurse, and she said she had the privilege of sitting with many people in their final days, and they would talk about all the cool things they wanted to do but never did. I would hate for that to be the case with you. If you're thinking, "Wow, I do have something, Diane. I do have a great idea. I do have something that's been calling me, and I want more support to make this happen," then reach out: [email protected]. I'd be happy to coach you through that. P.S. I have an upcoming event called The Wealth Shift. It’s for high-achieving women who are ready to stop working harder for every dollar and start building a sustainable, supported income. There are several upcoming dates this April for in-person and online. Save your spot here. Until next time, say yes and stay dynamic!
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Most relationships just happen by default, and we assume they'll work out. But relationships shape our energy, our happiness, and our growth. If you want to design your relationships intentionally, keep reading.  Most Relationships Are Built by Default Think of the people in your life:
We just become friends with the people around us. This came up with one of my clients recently. She's been with a friend for over 18 years, and they continue the friendship simply because it's always been there. Over time, she's realized this relationship has changed. My client is levelling up who she is as a person, but the friend has stayed in the same place with some negative habits. You don't have to stay in the same friendships. I also don't think you need to just cut people out because it's not the type of friendship you want. There is an opportunity to design relationships; otherwise, they will stay the same. We never pause to rethink them or design what is ideal for that friendship. In business relationships, you talk things through about who's going to do what roles. You have roles and responsibilities, KPIs (key performance indicators) on those roles, and everyone knows what they're supposed to be doing. But in friendships, especially, it's not always clear-cut. Also, in parenting, it's not always clear-cut how you show up as parents, as partners in the marriage, and with your children. Designing relationships doesn't mean controlling the other person. It doesn't mean that saying how you want things to be means they'll be that way. It's just how can you intentionally choose the right type of relationship and grow and evolve the ones you currently have? This comes from my coaching work around designing the alliance, designing how the coach and client are going to work together, and we can take that and move that professionally into every area of life. What Can You Design? Here are things really in your control: 1. The Type of Connection You Want Do you want them to be really close to you, or further out? If we look at the circles of closeness and how they are with you: Is it deep or shallow friendship? Is it a best friend, a close friend, or just an acquaintance?  2. The Energy You Bring Is there lots of energy or not so much energy in the friendship? Is it a one-on-one type of energy? Is it group energy? 3. The Time You Invest Is this a friend you're going to make a habit of calling, spending weekends with, sometimes even a weekend away? Maybe you go for coffee or walks, hang out. How much time are you going to give to the friendship? 4. The Boundaries You Set Is your boundary around who's making all the plans? Is the boundary around how much time you're going to have together, or what you do together? 5. Expectations Around How You Communicate Maybe you want quick texts because you're both really busy. Or in another friendship, maybe you don't want it to be just texts. You want to be able to get on the phone and actually talk with them. The Five People You Spend the Most Time With Jim Rohn says you are the sum of the five people that you spend the most time with. If you look at the five people you spend a lot of time with, those relationships and those people are forming you and who you are. After knowing you become who you spend time with, you will probably want to start:
We have different seasons of life. Maybe at some points you have to bring your kids or your pet. Maybe other times you need to meet earlier in the day rather than later, or it has to be just a phone call rather than actually meeting. Redesigning a Friendship I have a friend who was in a different stage of life. I asked her, "If we were to redesign our friendship, what would you want it to be like?" She said, "Well, I feel like I'm always the one calling you and I'm always the one inviting you out." I said, "You're right, and I can see how that would be hurtful or that you'd want to be invited out." The reality was I had two children under four at the time, and she had a nine-to-five job, no children, no partner. I had a husband, two kids under four, and I was working my business for multiple hours a day because I was caring for the children. I said to her, "Yeah, I'm really sorry for that, but I'm just in a stage of my life right now where that's all I can do. If you call me and ask, I'm almost always gonna say yes. I'm just in a period right now where I can't always be thinking, organizing, and making my way out to see you. It's just the season I'm in."  She totally understood that, but I made more of an effort to reach out and care for her. Healthy relationships don't happen by accident. They rarely do. Instead, it's about seeking them out and shaping them into what we want them to be. Different Relationships Need Different Designs Not every relationship plays the same role in your life:
A Family Example A client of mine was taking her daughter's dog almost every weekend. She had just retired, and it seemed her free time was taken up by dog-sitting. She had to say no to plans with her own friends because she had her daughter's dog. She realized her daughter only called her when she needed help with something. The mom was feeling like, "You don't care about our relationship. You don't care about me, because I'm just here to do things for you." Once she shared her feelings with her daughter, she also shared, "You know, I'd love to be able to do things with you and be called to be someone that you confide in or can cheer you on, rather than someone who can do something for you." That relationship improved once she set that expectation. There was a bit of push and shove in the beginning. The daughter was not happy because she had to find another dog sitter. But that really deepened their friendship as mother and daughter, because the mother wasn't resentful of having to take care of the dog, and the daughter now benefited from having the mom in this different role. One design does not fit every person or every relationship. You need to think about how that works for you. Small Ways to Start Designing Relationships 1. Be Intentional About Who You Spend Time With Look at your schedule. Are your friends on there? Are your important relationships on there? Your spouse, your parents, siblings, children are they on there? Schedule the connection instead of just assuming it will happen. I reached out to three women from my church and said, "You know, I really would like for us to get together again." We used to be in a women's Bible study group, but for different reasons, we've been pulled out of that. We said, "Yeah, let's get together once a month, the four of us to have that friendship time." 2. Express Appreciation More Often Share how you feel and how you enjoyed your time together. Often, when I am with friends or after we meet, I would say, "Wow, it was so great to be together. Thank you so much. I really enjoyed this. Let's do it again." Then scheduled the next time. 3. Communicate Your Expectations Clearly I recently had a friend who is now living across the world. She said to me, "Hey, I want to connect with you more." I said, "Yeah, I've been trying to schedule a Zoom with you." She said, "Well, with the time difference, it's so hard. If we could just talk more by messages back and forth, I'd love to hear your voice." She was very clear about how she wanted to communicate with each other. 4. Set Boundaries That Protect the Relationships You do not want to be resentful of the other person or feel like you're being taken advantage of. With a friend or a relationship you want to expand and get better:
Really, small intentions can strengthen relationships. It can be other things, like little texts that you're thinking of them. Every Friday morning, a friend's husband sends a quote and a little message to all his friends, and then spends the next three or four hours replying to what they send back. That's how he is intentionally evolving those relationships and caring for those friends. Relationships Naturally Evolve Sadly or excitingly, relationships do naturally evolve. People grow, and life changes. I had a best friend at my work. We were working together on a volunteer opportunity. So we spent quite a bit of time together, and our friendship grew a lot. She was even my maid of honour at my wedding. Over time, I got married, had kids, and she was always so supportive, always there, such a great friend. She was living downtown and enjoying the nightlife with friends, and I couldn't go. But we still made it a point to be friends in each other's lives, and the relationship has continued. Some relationships deepen, some shift, and some naturally fade. But we've both been really adamant that we do not want this friendship to die. When she moved away, we started a weekly morning call as she drove to work, just to check in and chat. While we are at different stages of our lives (she's working a job, I have a business; she has a partner, I have a husband; I have two kids, and previously she had dogs), this friendship really matters. Now that the driving thing doesn't happen for her (she's moved again), we are making a point of getting together when she's in town for dinners, going to the spa together, and even having a girls' getaway every once in a while. While that friendship has changed over time, it's still important to me. Sometimes we have to realize that a relationship has served its purpose in a certain season, or we need to design relationships so they can evolve instead. My 50 Before 50 Challenge I hope this has you thinking about how you can now put some time and energy into evolving friendships. I've created this kind of funny goal for myself. I feel almost embarrassed sharing it, but I'm 46 (I'll be turning 47 in September), and my goal for my 50th birthday is to be able to invite 50 good friends. So my 50 before 50 challenge has started, where I am intentionally building relationships with 50 different people. Final Thoughts My hope for you is that you have a really strong group of people around you. When you think of you're the average or the sum of the five people that you spend the most time with, those are solid people that you are intentionally choosing in your life and designing that relationship to be ideal. Just like we design our goals, our business, and our plans, we can also design the relationships in our lives that support us, who we want to be and how we want to live. Maybe it's time to send this to a friend of yours with whom you'd like to redesign the friendship. It doesn't mean there's a problem and you need to redesign. It is an opportunity. Until next time, stay dynamic!
Have you ever tried to create a work-life balance and felt like you were constantly failing? You're not alone. Work-life balance is a myth, and it comes down to how you're measuring it. Back in 2010, I was unhappy with my work. I'd checked so many boxes, but felt unsatisfied and unhappy. In this blog, we’ll look at the problem with work-life balance, the tools & what I learned that really changed the game for me and can do the same for you.  The Problem with Work-Life Balance The traditional idea: we've got work on one side, we've got life on the other. But the problem is that life is much more complex than just two categories. Actually, life is everything, and work is just one of the 10 areas. This was first brought to my attention in 2010, when I started working with a coach. I was shown the Wheel of Life and could see clearly the different areas of life (eight in her wheel). Since then, I go through it at least every quarter (10 areas in mine), and I have learned to use this professional coaching tool with my clients in our first session, and at the start of all my programs. Often, we try to achieve balance. But when work is just one of the 10 areas, we'll never balance it. The Equal Division Trap When I work with clients, I often see them trying to divide their time equally. We have 24 hours in a day: eight hours at work or in our business, eight hours sleeping, and the other eight hours are spent getting to work, having dinner, having lunch, wrapping up the day, maybe doing some hobbies and time with others. I remember working with one client who felt so guilty when she needed to work more. She was saying, "I don't have work-life balance." But when there's something happening in the business, like when you're launching something, preparing for a talk, building something new, or you just gained a bunch of clients at one time, you feel like, "I'm not balancing my work and my life." The realization for her was that the problem wasn't the number of hours worked. The problem was that other areas of her life were not getting her energy and attention. Her marriage wasn't, her kids weren't, and her ability to have fun wasn't. What I often see in business owners is that balance isn't about equal hours between work and life. It's about feeling fully satisfied in all areas. The first areas that will go when you're busy and not balancing things out are fun and recreation, and your health. I often see people not taking time off or working through their time off (weekends, evenings), not seeing friends, not enjoying hobbies or anything else that would bring them fun in that area. Life Has More Than Two Categories There are 10 areas of my Wheel of Life:
I split Personal Development into two areas because people who are spiritual or religious needed a place for that area. I'm a Christian and putting it in the Personal Development area wasn't enough. I also split Friends and Family because people would say, "My family life is good, but my friends aren't," or "My friends are good, but my family isn't." Two different numbers, so I split that area. Success vs. Satisfaction What I realized was that I was measuring life according to my success, not my satisfaction.  We measure our lives according to success most of the time:
It's like this checklist of to-dos. Instead, we need to measure life according to satisfaction. I was saying, "Well, because my success level is very high, I therefore should be happy. But why am I not?" I didn't dare talk to people about it because I thought, "I'm so privileged, I'm so successful. How dare I share that I'm unhappy?" But the truth is, when you measure your life by your own satisfaction, you start to see where the gaps are and how to be happier more easily. So I started asking myself: “How am I doing in all areas of life?” Not based on success, but based on satisfaction. It's really important for balance to look at the whole picture, not just work and life, because you will never, ever be balanced with just two. Balance Changes with Seasons Life moves in seasons. Priorities shift naturally. Earlier on, before kids, my time was my own. My marriage could take a higher priority. My business could. My health could too. As soon as I had kids, so much of my time was allotted to them. Seasons might include:
I can remember many times in my life where things felt off. It's not that anything was technically wrong (success was good), but now I know that if I feel off, it's probably because one or two areas of my life have been neglected. When I do this activity with my clients, and we go through the Wheel of Life, it's such a bird's-eye view. I always have my clients go through it every quarter, or anytime they feel off, because it tells you very quickly where your satisfaction is lacking and which areas have been neglected. When you look at it, rather than going "Oh, my success sucks in these areas," it's more like "Oh, hey, I'm not as satisfied in those areas. This probably means these certain neglected areas need some more of my attention." The reality is that some areas just can't be made better or more successful; maybe there's strife in the family, or you want a different house, and you're saving up for the next one, but you can still be satisfied with your progress. The key thing is: balance is dynamic. It's constantly shifting and changing. It's not fixed. If we try to maintain how things used to be, while other areas now have higher demands, it could be challenging. Imagine I still tried to do the exact same in my marriage, business, house, health, fun, and finances pre-kids, and then do the exact same post-kids. It wouldn't work. There are just not enough hours in the day. Adjusting the Dials Rather than balancing on a scale between this and that, it's more like dials on a soundboard.  When things are rough in one area, or it's a busy season for a client of mine, I'll say, "Okay, we're going to go into maintenance mode. Where do we need to adjust the dials?"
Some go up, some come down. Some need more attention, and some can just be where they are. If that’s the case, you can also tell your friends, "Hey, I'm going into a heavy season. I won't see you as much, but I care about you, and we'll just have to have shorter chats or get togethers." Because it's not fixed, our balance in life gives us that opportunity to just adjust the dials when needed. We all have a finite amount of energy, time, and resources. A Simple Balance Check-In Ask yourself:
Maybe areas are being neglected, but it doesn't matter, and you don't care because you're still happy and satisfied in those areas. But once you know: "Oh yeah, my health's been neglected, and I really need to get more sleep or move my body," or "I haven't had fun forever, and that's really a downer. I'm working way too much." You can then come up with a solution. For example, I can call on a friend and go out. I can get out the watercolour paints and have a bit of fun. I can go for a walk, spend time reflecting, do something creative, or pick up a new hobby. Even small adjustments can help you create some balance. The Truth About Balance While work-life balance is a myth, it is possible to create more dynamic balance in your life. Remember:
Balance isn't about dividing your time equally between work, life, and sleep. It's about making sure the important areas of your life still have space to exist, so that you can feel balanced and satisfied. If this is making you think, "Wow, I wish I could go through the Wheel of Life with Diane," then reach out to me: [email protected]. Until next time, stay dynamic!
There was a season where I wore responsiveness like a badge of honour. Quick replies, late-night emails, and immediate voice notes. I fixed things before I was even asked twice. I genuinely believed that high accessibility for my clients and community members meant I was a strong leader. It didn't.  If you can relate, then you’ll benefit from seeing how constant availability weakens leadership. I want to reframe this idea that fast response equals high value:
I'm going to share how I failed at this miserably, how I changed, and how you can too. How Constant Availability Weakens Leadership 1. It Trains Urgency People feel like they can reach out to you and make things urgent to you. For example, I had a member of my Dynamic Women community message me on Facebook (which I consider more of a personal platform) and ask about the upcoming date for our event. This is something that goes out in the emails. It's on the website. There are many places where she could find this. Rather than giving her the quick answer ("It's on this date for your area," which also meant I needed to check which area she was in), I reminded her of where she could find that information. While I could have done it quickly, it would still have taken time and energy from me. I didn't want it to be that me giving her the information, which she felt was urgent, but was really non-urgent, and she could have figured it out herself. When we respond, we're training people to message us about non-urgent matters because we'll reply quickly. This happens probably in your family as well. Have you ever had someone in the kitchen saying, "Hey, do we have sandwich meat? Do we have enough milk for the week?" They could easily open the fridge door and look. "Do we have any apples?" They could easily look in the fruit bowl. But when we respond (because if you're anything like me, you have a mental note of everything in your fridge, how many you have, when it expires, and how many more you need), it doesn't mean you have to be the only one carrying that mental load. It's training others that they can expect a same-hour turnaround of answering a question. Maybe a team member would stop problem-solving because they know you'll answer their question for them. People will rise or shrink based on the level of access you provide them. When you respond instantly, you train others not to think first. We want to train people not only how to help themselves but also how to treat our time. 2. It Erodes Boundaries When I have my phone out during family time, dinner, at the park, whatever it may be, it means I'm not mentally present. If others can text or call me during family time or maybe outside of work hours, then it means I'm not necessarily fully at work or fully with my family. I'm split between the two, and frankly, not doing well at either one.  It's eroding those boundaries of when it's your time and others' time. If my family is messaging me during the day with trivial matters when I'm at work, that pulls me away from my focus. That means I'm distracted, and I lose that momentum. Now, while at work and with my family, my phone is always on silent. 3. It Encourages Dependency (Erodes Independence) Remember the story of the woman who asked me when the date was? Another time she messaged me and said, "Well, can you just sign me up?" While that could have taken me a couple of minutes, I probably had 300-400 people coming to eight events each month. Imagine if I did that for even 10%, that would be three hours of my time. So I politely responded that she knows where the sign-up is and can do it herself. She said, "Oh, I know I can do it. I just thought it would be faster for you to do it." It made me laugh, and I joked with her about it later, but I realized I had to take responsibility for it. How I treated it at the beginning, with just one location rather than eight, was that I could give that level of service and sign people up. But she continued to want me to do them, so she definitely became dependent on me to do it for her. It's just like having a team member or a virtual assistant who might be waiting for your answer on small decisions rather than just figuring them out themselves, or a client asking you questions they could easily figure out themselves. If you are the fastest solution in the room or in someone's mind, then they’re not going to build their decision-making muscle. I've done it with my business, but with my family, it’s definitely something I'm striving to do now. If you can do this as a strong leader, you will start building a smart, skilled team. A reminder: Being available doesn't mean you're providing good leadership. 4. It Brings and Attracts Chaos People with urgent personalities and who are dependent on others will be drawn to you and attach to you because you're a very accessible leader. These disorganized people will start relying heavily on you because you're a responsive, responsible leader. I realized that because I was taking messages on Facebook, email, text, everywhere, I was unintentionally building a culture of urgency, chaos, and dependency. Now, by delaying how quickly I respond, moving it from one platform to another, reminding them that they know, or giving them the power to do it themselves, I have started to regain that space and build a team and clients who are more independent. Intentional Unavailability I recently wrote about intentional subtraction in another blog post. This new one is intentional unavailability, being intentionally unavailable to others. What It Doesn't Look Like:
It is structure. I can remember my marketing and graphic designer telling me, after some time of being available at any time and available last minute: "I am going to be available to work on things between Monday to Thursday 9-5pm, and Thursday at 12 PM will be the last time I'm accepting any kind of design work." That gave her Friday to finish off. She was very clear about that. She would not respond after hours. She would not work after hours. She wouldn't work on the weekend. If I needed something done, I had deadlines. If I get it done sooner, give it to her sooner, then she could get it done sooner. There would be no chaos or urgency, and it would give her time and freedom during her time off. What This Looks Like in Practice for You 1. Delay Responses, Even When You Could Respond Immediately You might see a message come in, but if you're in the middle of something (and even if you're not), it's okay to delay response. Obviously, if something's urgent, you can reply right away. 2. No Same-Day Access Unless It's Scheduled If a client reaches out with a question and that's not part of their package for urgent or emergency calls, you answer whenever it fits you. You can have blocks of time in your schedule when you go and answer emails. 3. Protect Your Thinking Blocks Your deep work blocks, like your writing blocks, are protected with no calls, no texts, and no emails, so you can get your stuff done. (When I edit these blogs, I have to go into focus mode.)  4. Real Vacations Where You're Actually Offline This is something I do my very best to do. When I was in Kenya, I was definitely offline because we had no guarantee of Wi-Fi access or data, and I didn't bring my computer with me. The way I do it now is that everyone knows they can email me or WhatsApp me for quick things. You may say, "Well, WhatsApp gives people immediate access to you," and I'm okay with that because when I get into email, I'm doing more professional, longer-form responses. WhatsApp, I can either do a quick voicemail or keep things really casual, which has worked for me. When I am away, I’m only doing last-minute approvals from my team, and I like to keep the WhatsApp or email line open in case clients need me, because things can arise. My Virtual Assistant Made Easy clients may need something more urgently, and I want to be available for my team of VAs. At this point, I'm okay with that. It didn't wreck my two-week vacation in Mexico or my time in Vegas at a mastermind. Until I have someone in that higher-level management role, that's the way it's going to be. 5. Just Say When You'll Respond "Thank you for your message. I'll respond tomorrow" or "I'll respond Friday," without over-explaining. You don't have to say why. You don't have to apologize. This could even be an automatic reply that says all emails received during the day will be answered between 9 - 10 am, or 4 - 5 pm, or whatever it may be. 6. Don't Take Messages on Personal Platforms If you get someone who messages you on Facebook or on a platform you don't want to be messaging on, then move it over to email and say, "Hey, I am replying here. Let's keep it to email." It's really hard when you just want to go and play on Facebook, and you have work messages in there. It's also really hard if you have things coming in from everywhere like on your project management platform (ex. Slack, Asana, Trello), your social platforms (ex. Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn) then WhatsApp, and your email. What Happens When You Set Boundaries There have been times when I haven't replied right away, and it’s worked out well. For example, a client who asked about a template we had previously shared ended up looking for it herself. Or with questions I've already answered, they went and found the information in a previous email. By the time I got around to answering it, they had already figured it out. It wasn't an issue anymore. By having this boundary of moving that Facebook message to email or not replying after hours means that they will respect you more. The times I have done this, and the time that the graphic designer did that, I repied telling her I was happy for her setting boundaries on her work time. I've had many people comment to me as well:
What This Creates in Others When you make yourself less available: 1. Self-leadership: They're going to start leading themselves. 2. Increased respect: Between you and them. 3. More intentional conversations: Rather than things they can figure out themselves. 4. More sustainable long term: If you're constantly in that urgency, chaos, replying quickly, being available on all the platforms, being split between work and life all the time, that's just not sustainable. I figured that when I stopped taking work calls at night, making myself available, and replying quickly, nothing would burn down. If anything, my leadership just strengthened. The Power of Being Unavailable I remember meeting a CEO and asking him how he managed to be at the 3-day event while running such a big company. He said it's because of their SOP (Standard Operating Procedure). Typically, someone would ask him, someone higher-up or someone else at work, which now means two- three people are involved in answering. The SOP he created was: Step 1: If you don't know something, go into the database and look at all the SOPs to see if there is an answer, and/or check the frequently asked questions. Step 2: If there is no answer, ask a colleague or co-worker, and check for an SOP/FAQ for it that you just can't find (maybe it was labelled something different). Step 3: If that's the case, if they can't find anything, the third step is to walk into the boss's office give him your phone, and ask the question. The boss is recording you on your phone while they give the answer. Now it's your responsibility to create that as either an SOP or a frequently asked question (FAQ). That's how he was able to be away. He taught people the right way to find information. I’m going to share with you five benefits of this approach: 1. SOP for Answers: This creates a Standard Operating Procedure for finding answers. 2. Helps people find information themselves: Since they are not coming to you or somebody else on the team, it saves money and time because everyone is focusing on their own work and not answering questions. 3. Changes their state and your state as well: It puts them into more of a calm state because rather than "I need to know this information," they're going to go and figure it out themselves. 4. Creates independence: They become independent thinkers and are independent in figuring things out, which also boosts confidence. 5. Empowers them: Builds their confidence to do their role and self-efficacy, so they can figure things out themselves and be resilient. I hope those are some reasons why you'd probably want to start making yourself less available to others. Those are things that will strengthen your leadership rather than weaken it. What Are You Modelling? I want you to think about, what you are modelling for other women.
If you're modelling burnout, hyper-responsiveness, overextending yourself or constantly proving yourself and dropping your boundaries, they are going to see that as normal, and we don't want that. If you're modelling the boundaries, the calmness, the spaciousness, that more regulated leadership, that independence, you're going to start to shift the culture to be able to go into that space too. Your boundaries and balance teach more than your strategy or your expertise ever will. Final Thoughts Leadership doesn't require immediate responses or immediate performance (well, unless you're the head of a fire team, a police officer, or an ER doctor). But no matter what, it requires some strategic presence. You model it first, and those who work for you, with you, or your clients will start to model it themselves. If you have any ideas or questions you'd like me to cover, please reach out to me at [email protected]. Until next time, stay dynamic!
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