Connect & Collaborate—Not Compete: The Key to Thriving as Women in Business

The key to thriving as women in business? Connect and collaborate, not compete. 

Why are we stronger together? 

There's this outdated belief that women have to compete with each other in order to get ahead. That's why we have terms like "crabs in a bucket". If the crabs are in a bucket and one of the crabs tries to get out, the others will pull it down. 

That's why we also have the Tall Poppy Syndrome, where the ones that stand out will be the ones that are cut down or attacked. In a little bit, I'm going to share another visual that I have around women competing for the same spots.

Society has also taught us to believe that there's: 

• only so much success to go around, 
• only so much money, 
• only so many positions, 
• only so many awards, accolades, and such. 

But really, that couldn't be further from the truth because when we connect and collaborate instead of competing, we all rise together - we all get to have success, maybe not at the exact same time, but in some way or another, we will succeed. 

Research backs that up, which is amazing because women who support other women are more successful, more fulfilled, and create a bigger impact in their industries, whatever that industry is.

When I chose collaboration over competition

One time that I chose to collaborate over compete was when someone else in my community started to do collaborative books, just like I was already doing collaborative books, and she was hosting women's events, and I was hosting women's events.  We were very similar.

When we let the walls fall down, we found out very quickly that we both had the same struggles, the same challenges, and we had the same set of morals, values, beliefs, and we both chose collaboration. 

We've been in each other's books multiple times. We have supported each other's events, each other's endeavours, and we talk maybe once or twice a year just to be like, "Where are you up to and how are things going?" I tell you, we both got to move ahead and move up because of that relationship.

Why the Competition Mindset holds us back

But you may be thinking, "Yeah, but Diane, I see people online, what they're doing," and "Someone else got ahead of me at work, they got the promotion, and I didn't." There are certain circumstances where you'll get burned, or there is only one spot, but I want you to think about the competition mindset. We don't want it to hold us back.

You may have heard about a scarcity mindset or a fixed mindset, rather than an abundance or a growth mindset respectively, but a scarcity mindset is telling us that there's only room for a few women to make it to the top. But in reality, the more we help each other, the bigger we all win, and the bigger space that we take up. It's not women competing against women, it should be women competing against others for the same positions or the same awards or whatever it may be.

According to a Harvard Business Review, research shows that women are often overlooked for promotions due to bias. But when women sponsor and advocate for each other, leadership opportunities increase. The more women are talking about other women, and especially in those right rooms, that's where the opportunities for these women will increase, and that's hopefully how we create gender parity.

There's supposedly the belief that we won't have gender parity or gender equality until 2158, and if we want more women to be in there, we have to work together to get each other in. Maybe you help someone else, and they get ahead of you, but then they're going to reach out and bring you up. I want us to change how society is around it because the biggest barrier to women's success isn't other women, it's outdated systems and limiting beliefs.

Sadly, we see in some countries that outdated systems are coming back. Things that we've already fought for are getting removed, taken away, and hopefully these are just moments in time that they are just because of certain people and the equal right will be brought back in.

The other image I wanted to share is a lot of times I work with women who are female leaders in corporate, and one of these times I was brought in to do my Dynamic You Program, and one of the participants said to me, "Diane, I'm not going to be able to be honest and truthful and share my feelings or any vulnerabilities because other women will use it against me."

This was really sad because this was a male-dominated industry, a great company who felt that they were going to put together this women's networking group for their staff that are female. I thought that was amazing. You would think you'd all get together and support each other, but she told me how it really was.

The image it gave me is like we're playing musical chairs, and women are all going around these chairs, or there are even men going around the chairs, too. Let's say there are 10 chairs, and eight of them are blue and two of them are pink. When the music stops, all the women fight for the two pink chairs because they think that those are the only chairs they can sit in. Rather than feeling they had the right to step into blue chairs too, we as women fight against each other, instead of taking any of the chairs.

Shifting your mindset

What are you going to do? 

The answer is - Shift your mindset. 

Get away from a scarcity mindset and instead of wondering; 

• "How can I be better than her?" or 
• "How can I stand out from her?” or 
• “How can I make myself different?" 

How about if you said, "How can we win together?" Or "How can I support something that she's wanting, and then how could she support me with something that I'm wanting?"

The power of connection

We need to find a network. We need to uplift our network. 

According to Business Wire, 80% of women leaders credit networking as a key driver of their success. If you're not part of these networking groups, women's groups, co-ed groups, and you're not building those relationships, you're leaving opportunities on the table.

I've had so many doors opened for me and so many opportunities given to me through the people I have met. When they're thinking of who to give a speaking engagement to, or who to refer a client to, they can only do that if they know and trust you. 

How to connect with women who lift you up

Join networks, mastermind groups, professional networks, women-focused business communities. Some will be free. Some will be low-cost. Some will be a higher investment. Even though I said cost, it is an investment. But if it's not giving you an ROI, and you've properly committed, then it may be time to move on to something else.

If you currently are in something that is not fruitful, move on, but only if you have actually committed to that group, you've shown up, you've done the relationship building and it’s still not paying off. You can also go on to LinkedIn or other social media. You can connect. You can comment. You can support others. I always pay attention to the people who support me, and I'm like, "Whoa, look at that person. They're liking my stuff. They're commenting."

You can also just attend events, workshops, or retreats because you never know who you're going to meet. I've met people at soccer, at the Comedy Club, at church, at so many different places because I was open to learning more about others.

Think: Is there someone that you've been seeing online or through some group? My challenge to you as an action step is reach out to them and have a conversation. You never know where it's going to lead.

I actually did this recently. I've been reaching out to some women in other countries to connect, to have them on my podcast, to see what synergy is there. It felt a little awkward giving video messages to them to be like, "Hi, you don't know me, but I want to connect with you and maybe have you on my podcast." It felt really awkward. Tell you, I was nervous about doing it. But what's the worst that can happen? Ghost you or say no? I just had a beautiful conversation with an amazing lady, and you'll probably hear her in an upcoming episode.

Collaboration over competition

What do I mean about collaboration? Some of the biggest businesses and movements have been built through collaboration. They both have networks, and then by combining, they get to cross-pollinate and then cross-harvest with both of them expanding their network and their reach.

Now, there are so many different ways you can collaborate. 

#1: You can partner on events, programs, or business ventures, instead of just trying to do everything solo. If you don't feel like you want to go into something and have a 50/50 contribution to an output, then maybe you could just refer.

#2: You could have people that you refer to. If someone's not the right fit for you, and you find that you keep getting a certain person coming to you - for example, I don't really do career counseling. I don't write resumes or cover letters for people. I have someone who I pass to for this need. Pass them to a woman who is right. If you're like, "Well, I don't know." Well, go find them, ask on LinkedIn who is someone who's great at XYZ. 

#3: Another thing you could do is co-create content. You could do a podcast swap. You could host on each other's webinars. You could have a summit and bring people on or be on theirs. You could guest blog. You could be on their YouTube channel. You can do an IG live together. So many different options or you start your own mastermind, or bring trust or think tank, where you bring together a small group of women who are going to share advice, resources, and opportunities.

Mindset shift: Stop thinking about other women's success taking away from yours. Instead, look for where you can collaborate instead.

Wrapping Up

As I wrap up, I just want to say, let's break the cycle. It's so easy to follow and fall into comparison mode, and I can be so guilty of that, and I compare myself, and it sucks. It feels bad, and you feel jealous or envious or you beat yourself up. But let's flip that. Let's flip that into support mode, collaborative mode, connection mode, and maybe you do start lifting other women up in order to be able to investment in them.

Really, with us just celebrating International Women's Day, I want us to think about how we can rise together. Imagine a world where women collaborated instead of competed. Imagine a world where we connected rather than competed.

If we could amplify other people's voices. That's why I have guests on the Dynamic Women Podcast. That's why I have my collaborative books because I want to give a platform for other women's voices, words and expertise that I don't have.

If we choose to do that, then that's the type of world we're going to create. Because when we build real connections, real collaborations, we all thrive. 

• Our businesses grow
• Our confidence soars
• Our impact multiplies

The final challenge I'm going to give you today is: find one woman that you can connect with or support and send them a message, make an introduction, start the conversation, send them a video message over social media as I did, and then invite them to a Zoom chat, just to get to know each other. 

It might feel awkward, but hey, if that's the worst thing that you're doing right now, it could end up with nothing. It could end up with a no, or it could end up with a really cool connection or collaboration.

Give it a go, and then let me know how it goes. Send me an email [email protected] or find me on one of your favourite social platforms and let me know if you did this challenge, or any of the little forward actions that I said throughout this blog, and let me know how it goes.

If you feel like you want to talk to me about being a collaborative author, about being a podcast guest, please just know that is for women only, because it is the Dynamic Women Podcast and the Dynamic Women Leadership Secrets book. Just reach out to me [email protected]. I'd be happy to have a chat with you about next steps. 

Until next time. 

Stay dynamic, everyone. 

Read more here:

1. Stop Being a Good Girl
2. I Lost My Spark
3. The Happiness Mistake Successful Women Make