How Being Afraid Is Actually Awesome

Today, I want to talk about how awesome it is to be afraid. Being fearful actually is awesome. Why? 

Well, so many people focus on not wanting to be afraid or on how fear is holding them back. But what if fear was telling you that on the other side, there's going to be a great success? Would that make it more enjoyable? Would that give you something to look forward to?

Now I'm not talking about the fear of a lion in front of us or the fear of going into a burning building. I'm not talking about danger fear. 

I'm talking about that fear we have where we're like, "Oh my gosh, I could never email that person and ask them for a coffee date. I could never cold call that customer I really want. I would never want to speak in front of people because I'm scared."

Fear Allows Better Celebration

Being afraid helps us celebrate better.

I was at a workshop about ten years ago, and we were doing the arrow-breaking activity where you put the pointy end on your throat and the feather end on the wall and walk forward. It was quite fearful. A lot of people were even brought to tears in the amount of fear. They were shaking. They really didn't want to do it. Maybe that's how you feel when you do public speaking, too.

I had set myself up to control my emotions. I was able to really get into my head and get through the breaking of the arrow, but i was also not very present in my body or in the moment. So what happened when I got to the other side of breaking my arrow? It was pretty anticlimactic. Other people were cheering when they did it. Other people were high-fiving. I almost had to fake that enthusiasm. I feel like I missed out because I didn't allow myself to feel the fear.

In public speaking, I get nervous before I talk. I get nervous before I lead a group of dynamic women. I get nervous and feel fearful and afraid sometimes when I make that big call, when I ask for that client. What I do is I feel the fear and do it anyway. You've probably heard that expression before.

What Fear Tells Us

What that does for me is it keeps me on my game. It tells me that what I'm doing is so important. It helps me to be prepared rather than be apathetic and not really care about the outcome.

Every time I go and present, I think, "Oh, what's this fear telling me?" It's telling me…

• I really want to do a good job. 
  
• That I really want to provide good service to this client. 
  
• That what I have to say is important, and I don't want to mess it up.
  

The Fear-Celebration Ratio

Here's the thing: If your fear is at a higher level, the celebration is going to be at that level. If your fear is at a lower level, the celebration feels at the same lower level. I'm not saying you need to increase your fear. What I'm saying is don't freak out, have the fear, and then do it. Feel the fear, do it anyway, and you'll get a bigger reward.

I see this in my clients all the time. When something's easy, we're like, "Oh, whatever, no big deal." But if somebody else were in your shoes, they'd say, "Wow, if I did that, I'd be so scared." That reward you're going to get, that celebration you get, is going to be equal or even more as a reward to facing that fear.

What You Need to Do

Get in action. Make it happen. But listen to what the fear is telling you first. Then when you get to the other side, and you've done whatever it is that you were fearful of, celebrate it. Reward yourself. That'll be the motivation for when you face another fear, because your inner self will reassure you saying, "You know what? There's going to be goodness on the other side."

Plan Your Celebration Ahead of Time

You also get to plan your celebration. For example, "When I give that big presentation, that night I'm going to plan to go out with my girlfriends and share a great meal." Or, "When I do the thing I’m afraid of, then I'm going to the spa." Have something there to pull you through that fear, to motivate you to continue.

I hope you'll face it so that reward on the other side is just as juicy as the amount of fear that you had.

If you do something and get over your fear and reward yourself, let me know. I'd love to hear about it at [email protected].

Until next time, stay dynamic!