Diane Rolston Coaching
  • Home
  • Coaching
    • ReIGNITE
    • The Breakthrough 2025
  • Services
    • Speaking
  • About Diane
    • Customer Reviews
  • Connect
  • Blog
  • Store
  • Be an author

 

How to Say “No” to Gain Back Time, Energy, and Resources

1/27/2022

0 Comments

 
There are a lot of reasons why it’s hard to say NO, especially for women. Some of these could be:
  • Obligation
  • Previous commitment
  • Fear of looking like a jerk or disappointing someone
A lot of times, we want to say “Yes” to EVERYTHING. However, sometimes, when we do this, the consequence is we then have to say “No” to ourselves.
Picture
When you have to say no someone or you have to say no to a really cool opportunity, it feels like:
  • You're giving up something 
  • You’re losing an opportunity
  • You feel like you’ll look really bad
  • You have fear of missing out (FOMO) 
What if rather than saying “No” to that, you were saying “Yes” to something else?
Did you know that a stronger “YES” makes it easier to say “NO”? 
I think I originally started talking about this in my Dynamic You Program and it’s an absolute favorite concept of my clients. 
Torn between saying “Yes” or “No”
As I share some examples see if you can relate:
CHOOSING YOURSELF:  
It was a time when I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. I was putting together a big summit. I was coaching my clients. My assistant was going to be finishing up. There was just a lot on my plate. Then my husband and my kids said to me that they wanted to go skiing. That’s a great idea, and I wanted to go too; however, the other part of me was already feeling overwhelmed. 
Moms, you know what it’s like getting the family ready for anything! There's a lot to prepare: kids clothes, skis, boots, snacks… then carrying it all, putting it all on and then taking it all off. I didn’t want to do any of it and I didn’t think I could handle it anyway.
I had to think about what was important. My family is important- yes. My relationship with them is important- yes. Exercise is important- yes. But at that specific moment, I was feeling like my mental health was the most important. What I really just needed was time to myself. I sat with that realization for a while. I’ll admit I shed a few tears. 
I told my husband that I really don't want to go. That I wanted to be alone, have some downtime, and just be by myself. He was understanding. The most important thing was that I said YES to me! Which then made it easier to say NO to them. That’s a hard decision because as a Mom I usually pick my family. But in this case, I really had to choose myself.
Picture
PRESSURE TO SAY YES:
Another example was when I was on a board and was asked to take on more roles than what I was already doing. I said, “No, I can’t take on more.” When I was pressed a little further, I said, “No, I was busy.”
What's crazy is that the response back to me was, “Well, we're all busy.” Side note, saying “No” is a complete sentence. But most people just won't take no as an answer. I felt like I couldn't just stand confidently in my no and I had to give a reason. I agree we were all busy, but I was the only one on the board with children. Not to say that other people aren't busy without kids, but if you have kids or even fur babies, you are responsible for them 24/7 and you need to do so much for them. 
My free time was super limited, so I had to say “No”. I was already giving lots. I started to feel bad and thought that maybe I needed to take on more because everybody was taking on more. 
I had to look at it from a different angle, “What do I need to say YES to?” 
  • Am I spending enough time with my family? No. 
  • Am I spending enough time with my husband? No. 
  • Am I spending enough time just relaxing myself? No. 
  • Am I spending enough time on my health? No. 
  • And the list went on…
Once I got really clear on the things I wanted to say YES to, I was asked again by the board to take on more roles. I replied this time with more confidence, “I would love to but I'm saying YES to strengthening my marriage and my relationship with my children.” 
The little change in my answer and a reframe to how I spoke about it had me stand very firmly in that Yes. YES to putting some of my own priorities before this request. 
SAY YES TO YOUR OWN GOALS
I had a client who was running an event at her child's school for many years. It was taking a lot of her time and energy away from her business, family and herself. I asked her, “Is it time to pass that off to someone else at the school to do?” She responded, “Ya maybe. My daughter graduated a few years ago.” What?! So she was doing this for the school PAC to raise money for a school and her child wasn’t even going there anymore.
Then I asked her what she would do with that time and energy. She said she’d:
  • build her business
  • spend more time with her husband
  • focus on her health
It was hard for her to say NO for many years, but now she found her stronger yes. It was hard for her to pass this off to someone else. But as soon as we put it in that perspective of what would you say YES to instead, it was super clear and she delegated it off her plate. 
All of these have shown me that when we have a STRONG YES it’s easier to say NO.
So what do you wish you could say yes to in your life? 
  • Yes to reading in the morning. 
  • Yes to working out during the day. 
  • Yes to being around your family more at night.
  • Yes to traveling more.
  • Yes to hiring someone to work for your company. 
  • Yes to deepen friendships and Yes to a deepened faith.
  • Yes to organizing or renovating your house.
What are you saying YES to in the world? Or mainly, what do you want to say YES to and then look at all the things in your life that you really want to say NO to. 
So what now?
Make a list of all the things you would like to say NO to and all the things you wish you could say YES to. I don't know how many times I've heard from clients that they wish they could have more fun:
  • They wish they could see their friends more. 
  • They wish they could have a stronger connection with their spouse or kids or family members. 
  • They wish they had time to work out. 
  • They wish they had time for personal development. ​
Picture
You can have everything you want, just not all at the same time. But how sad when your life is filled with things you don't want.
You don't have to keep saying YES to things you don't want in your life. Yes, we have to honor some obligations or commitments or priorities in order to really care and support people we love most. But on that day I said YES to myself and stayed home by the end of the day when my family got home, I was ready to welcome them back. I was rested. I felt calm. I felt grateful. 
When I've said YES to my family instead of saying YES to that board, it made a difference. 
  • Saying YES to say NO makes saying NO so much easier. 
  • Saying YES to something strongly helps you to stand up when you do need to say NO. 
  • Saying YES in order to say NO gives you back time, energy, potentially even money, depending on what it is. ​
Look at every area of life.. all 10 areas and ask yourself, Where do I want to say yes? And where do I need to say no? Then leave a comment. Let me know how this goes. If you're having trouble with the conversation where you’ll be saying NO, that is one of my specialties. Reach out to me [email protected]. 
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    I'm social, are you?

    View my profile on LinkedIn
    Picture

    Archives

    March 2025
    February 2025
    January 2025
    December 2024
    November 2024
    October 2024
    September 2024
    August 2024
    July 2024
    June 2024
    May 2024
    April 2024
    March 2024
    February 2024
    January 2024
    December 2023
    November 2023
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    September 2017
    August 2017
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013

    Categories

    All
    Business
    Business Development
    Coaching
    Entrepreneurship
    Mentoring
    Mindset

    RSS Feed

My services

Coaching
She's Goaled! Coaching Mastermind
About Diane

Privacy Policy

I respect your right to privacy. Your email or any other information you submit will never be shared.

Coaching Resources

The Coaches  Community

Connect with me

Proudly powered by Weebly
Diane Rolston Copyright@2019
  • Home
  • Coaching
    • ReIGNITE
    • The Breakthrough 2025
  • Services
    • Speaking
  • About Diane
    • Customer Reviews
  • Connect
  • Blog
  • Store
  • Be an author