Is Self-Care Just Another Productivity Hack? The Dark Side of Wellness Culture

Self-care has come up quite a bit because as I talk about having a successful life that we feel satisfied in, a lot of times, people are like, "Oh, it's just because I need some more self-care, right?" 

But remember when self-care just simply meant, “I'm going to take a break?”

Now it's pretty much like an Olympic sport. Instead of just resting, we've turned relaxation into a fully optimized experience, complete with morning routines, productivity apps, and an ever-growing list of things you should be doing to properly unwind because you can't just do it the regular way by taking a break.

Gone are the days of simply lying on the couch with a cup of tea and reading a book. Now, if you've been looking at Instagram, if you've been hearing some of these gurus, self-care is more about optimizing it to be photo worthy. 

Have you seen videos of aesthetic baths? Where they're going to have their bath, with the tray that goes across, and then the container that they've prepared of perfectly selected snacks, their hand-crafted green juice, a variety of candles and special music with binaural beats. Then they've got their journal, three gratitude journaling prompts with essential oil bath salts and rose petals in the water.

I'm just happy to take a bath with no one around, especially after the cleaners come because then I know the bath is clean. Just make sure the water is warm and let me lie there and don't bother me. (How come kids need to bother you when you're in the bath or even on the toilet?) ​

What type of bath is yours? Aesthetic or more simple? I'm very curious.

But then the other thing is if you do self-care in this aesthetically pleasing way, then you have to document it, don’t you?

There's the perfect video, the perfect photos in the well-lit Instagram post, captioning "Prioritizing me" with some star emojis. If that didn't go up, then did it even happen? If I had to do all that before my bath, then the water would be cold! And it cancels out any de-stressing the bath would have given me because of a long to-do list to get it “right”. ​

When they talk about productivity rituals, they should be efficient and easy to do. In the past, I shared about the Miracle Morning and how wonderful it is because if you don’t have time it can be done in as short as six minutes, and it gives you a little bit of structure to make it easier.

But at this point in our lives, at this point in society, in this day and age, self-care is starting to feel like work, and honestly, that defeats the purpose. We don't want to have to put so much effort and care into self-care that we completely negate any rest that it has given us.

Why does this matter? 

When rest feels like another item on your to-do list, then it's not actually relaxing at all. The thing is, as high achievers, we don't just do self-care like, "I'm going to read my book". We try to excel at it. Instead of just reading our book, we're listening to our book, and then we're listening to our book at two times the speed or more AND folding laundry. Instead of simply recharging and giving ourselves some space, we turn it into another box to check.

I have been guilty of this with my daily devotion. It became a list to check. 

• I read the part of the book - check.
• Then write something - check.
• I read the piece of scripture - check ​

Then, I forgot that the whole point is to connect with God. It's not about, "Boop, read that, read that, read that." It's to actually have the experience.

How often are we doing the thing but not being present? How often are we engaged in self-care, but not actually enjoying it and getting the benefits? 

I want you to ask yourself: Did you do yoga this morning? Was it actually fulfilling, or did you not let it be because it wasn't perfect: because you didn't do it at sunrise, or you didn't do it in a hot yoga room, or you didn't hold your pose without twitching? Just enjoy the yoga!

And then, did you drink water today? But was your water infused with electrolytes? Was it mineral water? Was it filtered with the light of the sun or the moon? Just drink the darn water!

You have good intentions for all of these. 

The irony of all this is there's pressure to do self-care correctly. I just want to squash that, push it aside. You don't have to do self-care perfectly or aesthetically. You just need to do it the way that is best for YOU to relax and recharge. Otherwise, it's another source of stress.

What self-care is about

If it isn't clear already, self-care isn't just about bubble baths or perfectly aesthetic self-care. It's about creating some boundaries in your life and your self-care so that you can actually rest, enjoy, or recharge.

Here's the truth. Really, no one's talking about it because it makes good social media and products being sold to us all the time. But real self-care isn't always pretty and it isn't always fun. I'm going to say that again: self-care isn't always pretty, it isn't always fun.

There's a lady I see who knows about Chinese medicine, acupuncture, acupressure, massage and more. Going there sometimes is messy, meaning I sometimes cry to release, and sometimes she gives me a very gentle talking-to about things I shouldn't be eating for my health, some energy that has to move, or some changes I need to make in my life. But it does a world of good for me.

Yes, if you're lighting a candle and putting on a face mask, and that feels nice, great. But do you know what's really transformative? Saying ‘No’ to things that drain you. That's caring for yourself. And saying no without over-explaining, just saying, "No, I can't," without having to come up with all these reasons and stories and feeling guilty afterward.

Really, it's going to bed when your body is tired. Instead of pushing through another podcast episode or another email or making sure the last of the dishes are cleaned. It's letting yourself eat a meal and just eat a meal without multitasking, without feeling bad that you're having carbs—just enjoying the food.

Real self-care isn't about occasional pampering. Yes, 

• I get my nails done. 
• I get my hair done. 
• I get massages. 
• I see this Chinese acupuncturist. 
• I do the things that pamper me. 

But it's also about changing the way I operate daily. I hope that you do this too because then you don't have to constantly recover from your own life.

You don't have to take a whole weekend off or go to the spa for the day because you're treating yourself so you can work harder later. It's about making simple daily choices that allow you to feel well all the time. 

For me, that's sometimes it’s giving myself buffer time before a client session for a bio break. Sometimes, it's asking people to move our meeting time so I don't have to rush and feel stressed. Sometimes, it's saying “No” to a new client or saying “No” to an immediate start date, moving it later when it feels more spacious.

Here’s maybe a new perspective for you: Self-care isn't about making you work better or more productive. It's not about doing it perfectly or adding in pampering. This is the dark side of the wellness culture that's pushing you to have to do it perfectly—and you don't have to.

Self-care: a productivity hack?

Somehow, along the way, self-care became yet another productivity hack. Remember when stores weren't open on a Sunday? They weren't open, so we could rest. I remember my mom being called into work on a Sunday, and that was so shocking because Sunday was a day of rest. 

We rest because it's supposed to make us more efficient later. Ah, so productivity, high achievers, it's rest so that you can do more. Just like when you get better sleep so you can maximize your performance. You can also take breaks during your day so you don't burn out and lower your output.

I really like the Pomodoro Technique. It’s great to help you be uber-productive for 25 minutes, then take a five-minute break, or after three of those, a 10-minute break, so that you can increase your output.

Another is meditating so you can handle stress better and stay focused. If meditating for you isn't sitting quietly, you can use guided meditation, music, dancing, or sit quietly looking at waves or nature, it can also be a hike, praying, or journaling—any of these things that help you reduce stress.

What if self-care wasn't about making you better, faster, or stronger? 

What if it was just about helping you feel like yourself again? If you don't feel like yourself currently, is it because you need to rest more? Is it because you need some true self-care?

Ladies, you don't have to justify your rest. If you're tired, lie down. 

We had a pretty big deadline this week with some guests coming to our house, and I just had a moment where it felt like, “I had done enough”. I still expected everyone else to keep going, but I said, I need to lie down for a minute. I have just burnt myself out. 

We don't have to prove that our self-care improves us in some way.  If you’re like, I only listen to non-fiction books because I want to improve myself. But now your brain is overworking, and now you're taking notes so that you can implement what this business guru has said, that's not helping you to rest and relax. Maybe you do need to re-listen to the whole Harry Potter series. Maybe you do need a romance novel just so that you could rest. You deserve to take care of yourself simply because you exist. You don't have to earn it. You don't have to get permission for it, and you don't do it just because it makes you more productive.

How do you practice actual self-care? 

#1: Redefine self-care

Redefine self-care and what you truly need, not what's trendy, not what wellness influencers swear by but what actually helps you feel good.

Right now, all my social feeds are showing cold plunges and hot saunas. I'm at a point where I just can't do it. I think my cortisol is too high. I don't like the cold, so I’m not going to do it and that's okay.

What is for you? 

• Maybe it's journaling. 
• Maybe it's skipping the five-step nighttime routine because you just want to go to bed. Maybe it's not pushing yourself to get the last 1,000 steps of your 10,000 steps. 
• Maybe it's Pilates.
• Maybe it’s prayer. 
• Maybe it’s lying on the floor to let your back relax.

#2: Set some boundaries

Set some boundaries around energy-draining people—those emotional vampires sucking your energy. Set boundaries around energy-draining obligations. 

I was just speaking with someone who is the manager of her daughter's soccer team and it’s driving her bonkers because the parents are being a pain, and there's always more responsibilities being added. Thankfully she has decided to pass it off to others.

Iif your self-care requires you to constantly recover from your actual life, that's a sign you need some better boundaries. Definitely not more bubble baths.

#3: Make space for real rest. 

Right before going on my month-long trip, I took a whole day before my in-laws arrived and before we went away. I got my hair done, went to Pilates, took care of a few things, and in a chill way, cleaned my house.

Getting my hair done was a real rest. Pilates was a real rest. I also took a little bit of time for myself to do my devotional, and I took a little bit of time on my bed doing nothing, just as I prepared for everyone to come home at the end of the day. 

If you only let yourself rest when you feel like you've earned it, you're missing the point.  I remember what my mom told me, “There's always something you can do.” That’s the truth. Like a pan to wash, an email to reply to, or a task to complete. But rest isn't a reward for being busy. It's a basic human need, like breathing, good snacks, moving your body, and sleeping. We must rest.

Wrapping Up

As I wrap this up, remember: self-care isn't a task, it's a way of being. That could be the biggest shift I share today. If self-care feels like another thing to achieve, you've fallen into the dark side of wellness culture.

It's time to rethink your approach. Go through the questions I asked in this blog. The goal isn't to become a highly optimized wellness expert or to have a perfectly curated Instagram profile or to be the best in all things in self-care. It's to actually feel calm and to feel like a functioning person who enjoys life. It's much simpler than we make it.

Next time someone tells you to lean into self-care, don't just add another habit to your already-packed routine. There are already too many things you have to do. Ask yourself, "What do I need right now?" And then do that… even if it's just lying on the couch, maybe eating peanut butter straight from the container. No explanation is required if that’s what you need to feel cared for by yourself.

Who is a friend who needs to read this message? I encourage you to share it. 

Until next time. Take care of yourself and stay dynamic. 

Read my other blogs:

1. Stop Being a Good Girl
2. 5 Signs It’s Time to Draw a Line in the Sand
3. You’re Not Stuck, Your Mission Just Got Bigger