Kill Off Your Alter Ego Like Eminem Killed off Slim Shady

It might be time for you to kill off your alter ego, like Eminem killed off Slim Shady. This is a continuation of my previous blog, I’ve Outgrown that Old Version of Me.   ​

I'm going to share what Eminem went through, why he created the alter ego, why he killed him off, and how this is seen in women's journeys, maybe in your journey, and what you can do about it. 

Eminem’s Journey

Now, whether you know about him or not, I'll just give you a quick recap. By no means am I a mega fan or super knowledgeable, but I did some research and curated a few stats or facts about Eminem. 

It all started from me hearing something on the radio about how Eminem was saying, “I can't do the music of the past because I'm older, I'm a father. I'm in my 40s. People look at me and go, ‘Man, you're too old to sing that type of music.’” 

And he said, "I create this new music that is more in tune with who I am now." But fans some fans still say, "Oh, man, I wish I could hear his old stuff." 

That could be where you are in life right now, where the old stuff is not really you anymore, but people resonate with it or connect with it, or that's how they know you. You desire doing the new stuff because it feels more in tune with who you are now. 

The alter ego, the past version of you, the older version of you, or the 1.0 version of you may need to be ended.

Now, let's look first at Eminem. 

Eminem went through a lot of personal struggles. That's why he created Slim Shady. This persona, who actually is a little bit more dark, rude, more bold. But he did it because he was broke. He had big financial struggles. This is before he was the Eminem we know today. 

He had all these financial struggles and wasn't making money doing his music. His music really had no traction. His music career was stagnant. He was also feeling like he wanted an outlet to express his emotions, his frustrations, his dark thoughts. 

He felt that if he did it as himself, as Eminem, or Marshall Mathers, that he would be judged for it, that it would be like, "He not a cool guy because look at all this dark stuff, all this negative stuff." He didn't want to be judged, and so he thought, "Well, if I do it as the alter ego, then I have this outlet to be able to say all this stuff. But if anyone comes at me, I can be like, 'Oh, that's just Slim Shady.'" 

It gave him that creative freedom. Slim Shady allowed him to really explore a more unfiltered, rebellious side. 

Alter Egos and Women

Sometimes, in the beginning of our careers, being a mom in new friends circles, or in running our own businesses, we follow that expression "fake it till you make it." 

We become who we think other people need us to be, or we become the person who we think is supposed to be in that position. But it's not authentic to who we are. It could be someone appearing bolder than who we are, more confident, maybe more sarcastic, coming out with a little bit more ego than we normally would, or trying to act like you don't care, when really you do care and you have a big heart. 

Other musicians have created alter egos. Beyonce has an alter ego named Sasha Fierce. Lady Gaga is not Lady Gaga in real life. She’s Stefani Germanotta. Gaga is a character that she's playing. Mariah Carey has an alter ego, Biana Storm, who started in a music video. 

Other people have done it too, but now I'm going to bring it back to our lives. There are women who have outgrown the old version and those who feel like they had to be someone different from themselves or in order to get through a specific time. They stepped into being what they thought they needed to be, and now they've come to a realization, “That's not for me anymore.”

What happened for Eminem

He realized that Slim Shady was negatively impacting him. Being in that negative, rebellious place, the dark thoughts were causing him to self-medicate by using substances. 

It almost cost him his career, his family, his life. Over time, he decided, "I'm going to get sober." In getting sober, he's moving away from this alter ego as well. 

Different resources say he's been sober for 16 years. Congratulations to him, and he feels his life has improved so much since he's moved away from this persona. 

We often play a persona in the world, and then we come home, and we're very different people, especially for women in top leadership roles. They maybe feel like they have to be tough. They have to be more masculine than they normally would be. 

It's funny, you see this often in business owners, and women in newer or higher positions. They'll have this certain persona in the beginning, and then over time, they seem to change, and hopefully they're changing to become the more authentic version of themselves. 

Now, for Eminem, he knew times were changing as well, so the way he was being before, for his fan base, it was a match. But as he grew, and he's in his 40s and has kids, his fans have grown and have families, and the antics of Slim Shady are not in alignment anymore with his original fan base. 

He's like, "Well, if they're not really relating to this, and it's not relevant to them, why would I continue?" Now, it doesn't mean he can't still play that music, especially at concerts, because his people want to hear the songs. I'm sure you've heard that line, "Will the real Slim Shady please stand up." I'm not going to rap at all, especially not with Eminem's content because he is the master of rapping. But he has evolved. He has grown up. He is more, I would say, confident in who he is, and he likes himself. 

In the beginning, when you hear about all these struggles, he wasn't really liking himself, so he had to come up with this other persona. 

How many times have we created a persona, an alter ego, because we don't like ourselves, because we don't feel like we're enough?

I'm going to share a little bit about some concepts around alter egos, examples with Eminem and then with women and why we do it. 

I would love for you to think about how it shows up in your life. 

Concepts around alter egos and why we do it

Concept 1: We Need to Acknowledge the Past is the Past

Slim Shady represented a specific period in Eminem's life in the past, and it served a purpose in the past. 

For us as women, in women's journeys, we carry past versions of ourselves. Recently, my husband and I dropped off our kids to summer camp, and so we went to a restaurant, had a couple of drinks and some food, and they said, "Any other plans for today?" 

We said, "Well, we just dropped our kids off, so we're free.” We don't know what to do with ourselves because we haven't hung out for a week without the responsibility of children for 12 years.

The younger version of me cared only for me and my loved ones. I wasn't responsible for another person's life. That past version of me I had to leave behind, the partying version of me. I can still have a good time, but that version of me doesn't serve a purpose today. 

Which past versions of you are you still carrying forward that don't serve a purpose anymore? We often develop these past identities as coping mechanisms for whatever we're going through, whatever life is, and so you might have been someone who shows up more powerful or even less powerful in order to fit in, but it's not who you authentically are. 

These are based on earlier experiences, earlier stages of life, but they don't fit into where you are now, because maybe now you are a mother, you are a wife, you are maybe caring for aging parents. You have your purpose in life. You're not just floating around anymore, and you get to that point where you're a little bit older, where you care a little bit less about what other people think of you, because you know you're authentically standing in who you are.

Concept 2: The Need for Growth

Eminem outgrew Slim Shady as he matured. As we mature, we face new challenges, and we need to bring in our stronger identities. You may find your old identities no longer serve you. 

• You've been a people pleaser, and now you're like, "No more of doing that." 
• You've been a follower rather than a leader, and you say, “No more of that.”
• You’ve bitten your tongue, and now it's the time to speak the hard truth in your life. 

Growth requires a shedding of these outdated versions of you. 

It's not to say these outdated versions are wrong, because if we look at Eminem's success, they came because he used the confidence, creativity and freedom that Slim Shady gave him to get him where he is now. 

But the key thing here is, what got you to where you are today isn't going to get you to where you want to be tomorrow. You have to shed those old versions. That will come up in future blogs. I'm going to talk more about how to do this, but if you're like, “Diane, I just need to know this now. I need to talk about it now.” Please email me at [email protected]. Let's have some coaching around this. 

Why do women need to do this? 

Well, it’s personal evolution, evolving as a person. Yes, that's true. It's not just career evolution or materialistic evolution. Who you are as a person means you need to adapt to new roles and responsibilities. 

In the beginning, Eminem was not a father. When he became a father, things changed. If you see his social media or articles, you'll see how he is such a loving father. If we don't shed these outdated versions, these old patterns, these old ways of being, these old personas, these old alter egos, they will hold us back from progress and fulfillment. 

If you keep them around, you're going to slip back into them. It's comfy. But the problem is, you're not going to get the results you want. 

Concept 3: Internal and Outer Conflict

Now we're facing this inner conflict. That's why we also have to kill off the old personas. Eminem was confronting the decisions. “Do I move away from Slim Shady when people love him? Do I move away from Slim Shady because he made me successful? Do I move away from Slim Shady? Can I do it on my own? I don't know.”

He is in an inner conflict. He's in this place of battling who he was and who he wants to be, and he has to decide, “Can I be both? Do I stay in the one, even though it doesn't feel right anymore, or do I move into the new, even though that feels scary?”

As women, we are constantly evolving, and we're facing this internal conflict of, do we let go of what is familiar? Do we stay where we are, but have limited results, limited ways of being, limited growth? Or do we step into the scary part? We battle our fears. We battle our doubts. We battle societal expectations of us up until this point. 

We need to end that inner conflict by letting go of these familiar roles. Yes, it can be scary, but letting go of them so that we can step into who we know we want to be, need to be and are authentically ourselves. We have to keep doing it because societal expectations will often push us back into the old identities and reinforce those outdated identities for us. 

I'm sure there are many music critics that said, 

• “Oh, don't kill off Slim Shady. He's the greatest thing that ever happened to Eminem.” 
• “Oh, I don't want Slim Shady to be gone, because then we don't get to hear that kind of music anymore.” 

The thing is, there will be backlash from the people who benefited from the old way of you were being because it benefited them.

A lot of times with my clients, when we start to set boundaries like, “No, I'm not going to do that anymore.” “No, I'm not accepting the way you're talking to me anymore”, because we're stepping into a stronger, more authentic version of ourselves. That's when other people don't get what they want. They're going to push back, and they're going to say, “You've changed. Things aren't the same.” 

Well, of course, because they're not allowed to walk all over you anymore. They're not allowed to get what they want anymore, because you're not going to deal with it. 

There's not just inner conflict you're going to face. There's outer conflict with people. That's why having a strong support network around you is important, and having a coach to help you through it is important. 

Concept 4: Transformation and Empowerment

Eminem killing off Slim Shady is actually a powerful act of self empowerment. He's saying, “I don't need this persona anymore. I don't need this alter ego to be successful anymore. I can be me, the singer, Eminem. I can be me and I can be successful still.” 

You have to embrace this transformation, and that's going to mean letting go of that old self, old version, the old persona. When you do that, it is empowering. 

I've had so many iterations of me, all just a little level up from the previous version. Plus, that meant letting go of the old ways I was doing things, the old ways I'm showing up. There is an edgier, feistier, more provoking side of me. It's not all, “Oh, I am kind and I follow the rules.” 

No, there is this edgier version of me that is starting to be shown into the outer world more. My friends get it. My family gets it. My clients get it. My comedy audiences get it. But I haven't put it out to the full world and been this way, which is causing strife and friction for me. 

We need to embrace that transformation and align it with our current values. I think that was the problem for Eminem. Slim Shady doesn't represent his values. His new values are rooted in much better things, I'm sure, especially with him being a father and growing up that Slim Shady is dishonoring his values. 

If you are feeling off, it could be that this old persona, this way of your being, is actually going against your values. Think about that one for a moment. 

Empowerment comes from reclaiming your true identity. Even if you're like, “But I love this way of being”, well, is it actually who you are now? 

When you allow yourself to transform, you will have greater authenticity, greater self-expression and greater success. 

Practical Steps

I'm going to share with you a couple of thoughts here, but I'll go more in depth in the next blog. 

• Recognize the parts of yourself as you go through your world in the next week. 
  
• Recognize the parts of yourself you think need to be left behind. 
  
  • For example, the part of me that needs to be left behind is the part that holds in my feelings about something because I like, “Don't want to rock the boat”, so that piece of me is going to be left behind. 
    
  • The piece of me that thinks that everything needs to be done to the highest extreme level, that's going to be left behind. 
    
• Recognize the parts of yourself you need to bring forward. 
  
  • The part of me that is going to be sweet and kind. It's not going to be left behind, but I'm not going to take as much of it forward, because I want to have room for this edgy, feisty, provoking side. ​
    

What are the next steps? 

Practice some self reflection, set some boundaries, and adopt new habits. These pieces are going to be the whole next blog.  Sign up here to get my blogs and podcasts sent right to your inbox.

Concept 5: Celebrate this New Identity

It's important to celebrate this new identity. Eminem found renewed purpose after moving on from Slim Shady, and he embraced his new identity. I want to change that statement from embracing his new identity to embracing the authentic version of himself. 

You may say, “Well, why is he going by the name Eminem?” Well, it's a band name. It's a music name. That's fine. He has his regular name, Marshall Mathers, but Slim Shady was the additional character that was created. 

It doesn't mean you have to change your name, but we're going to celebrate the new version of you. If you're thinking, “Well, I don't know fully what the new version is.” Okay, email me. Let's do some one-on-one coaching to figure that out. 

Embracing self discovery is important here. Embracing your confidence, embracing your potential, so giving space for that newness to come in. 

You need to celebrate your new identity because it will reinforce this positive change. It's going to affirm this journey of personal development. It's going to build confidence, and you're going to grow in the future. 

Stay tuned for the next blog. If you feel that I can be of service to you, coaching you through any of these pieces, please reach out to me at [email protected] and let's have a chat about how I can support you to step into the more authentic version of you, the more kick butt version of you, the more enlightened version of you, the more powerful version. 

Even if you don’t feel it now or know what it is, we're going to tap into it and push it forward so you’re super clear on what it is and how you can show up in the world as who you're meant to be. 

Read my other blogs:

1. Stop Doing This So You Can Be Happy
2. Sometimes I Feel Alone
​3. 3 Quick Tips to Get Out of a Mood