Leading Through Bias: How These Women Navigated Challenges and Grew Stronger

In one of our Leadership Secrets panels on the Dynamic Women Podcast, I was joined by some of the authors of the upcoming Dynamic Women® Leadership Secrets book, Barb Stuhlemmer, Katherine Johnston, and Jeanine Becker, to discuss how women succeed and overcome challenges. ​

One of the questions I asked these authors is “Have you ever faced any resistance or biases in your leadership roles—or in working with leaders? And how did you navigate that?” I am going to share their answers to this question in this blog. 

Jeanine: Yeah, I spent 15 years as an attorney in tech, so often the only woman in the room doing large-scale transactions, bringing multiple parties together for negotiations. The bias showed up in multiple ways—in the work I was given or the questions about the work I was given, and the assumptions about expertise and leadership.

I would say that it's a little bit about the biases. How I navigated that bias was remembering that allies matter, right? Who stands with you influences whose voice is heard. That's something I continued to build on as I taught negotiation and collaboration at Stanford for a decade.

One of the things I would often talk to my students about was: Who’s going to be the most powerful messenger? And maybe it’s not you—and that’s okay. There was a moment when I was teaching negotiation at Stanford and buying a car. I know the research about how women are treated buying a car, so I brought one of my students to negotiate for me. I wanted a man in that conversation for that moment. He knew everything that I wanted, and we were going to do it together. I wanted to see what would happen when he showed up versus when I went by myself into the dealer.

Really thinking about: Who is the most potent spokesperson? Who’s going to get the ear that you need? Sometimes being willing to both fight the biases and put ego aside to actually keep your eye on what’s needed in the moment.

The last thing I would say and what I often do with teams around navigating change and resistance is this: often leadership teams go through a lot of churn and discussion and pushback on what the next step is, and when they roll it out, they hope people will just jump on board. Of course, some will—those early adopters. But there’s always resistance.

My number one advice for leaders in those moments is to invite it. Invite the dialogue. Pull people out of denial that we can just go backwards. Embrace the idea that if somebody’s resisting, they’re at least engaging. There's curiosity. It’s a stage they need to move through on the arc of change. So invite it in and dialogue with it—as though it's part of the sales process, rather than a blocker.

Diane: I’m hearing a lot of perspective shifts in your answer. I just want to repeat what you said: “Who stands with you influences whose voice is heard.” and “Embrace the idea that if somebody’s resisting, they’re at least engaging.” I love these two.

Katherine, how about you? What challenges have you faced with resistance or bias?

Katherine: A couple of things came to mind. I guess it’s been more age and gender. I was working for Coke, this time in a southern state in the U.S., and I came to one of the facilities to do these operational audits. This gruff guy meets me, and he says, “I’ve been working here longer than you’ve been alive, girly.”

I replied, “And you’ll probably be here long after I’m gone.” Because I was only there for a week.

So for me, it was important to use humor and diffuse the situation without putting him down, because I needed a positive, constructive working relationship for the rest of the week.

Same thing, happened when I had just graduated with a four-year university degree, and I go to my brother’s graduation from a boarding school in Ontario. The headmaster says, “And when will you be joining us?” I said, “Hmm, I just finished my four-year B.A. I think that might be a little redundant.”

The one thing I want to say because almost 20 years of my professional career was in Norway, and Norway is very female-friendly. There’s a lot more gender equality, family-friendly policies, and I didn’t work in industries that were more biased toward women.

As a consultant, when I’m hired, I’m brought in because I’m seen as an expert, so I’ve felt it less, but I acknowledge it may be felt more in other countries or industries.

Diane: Yeah, I appreciate your point that no matter where it happens, when you’re faced with these biases, to not just be quiet but also not take it personally—and to use some humor. That’s how I get away with a lot of stuff. I can say little comments back or speak the hard truth to my clients and others. Humor helps, and it makes people think.

Thank you for sharing that, Katherine.

How about you, Barb? Have you faced resistance or biases?

Barb: Oh yes. I love what Jeanine and Katherine have said. A lot of their experiences align with things that have happened in my life as well.

Interestingly, I don’t know how, but throughout my life, I’ve always had women bosses, or I worked for companies that were very diverse and inclusive. One male mentor I worked for had a very diverse company, even though it was small, we were all very different, and everyone was accepted. I’ve been very fortunate that way.

Looking out at societal biases, the expectations that women can’t do something, or assumptions about income or success, I didn’t experience that firsthand most of the time. When I did, I just thought, “Who are you?”

I didn’t have to use humour like Katherine, but for me, my biggest resistance is the internal stuff: “I’m not enough,” or “Who do you think you are?” I don’t know where that language comes from because no one ever spoke that way to me. My father was supportive. He’d say, “I didn’t get to my high school graduation, and look at you. I don’t even understand what you’re learning, but you’re amazing.”

My mom was very supportive too. I’ll talk about that more when we discuss collaboration—about the incredible women in my life who made it easy for me to just say, “Who are you?” when facing resistance.

I’ll share one quick story, that Jeanine reminded me of with the car-buying story. I went into a higher-end car dealership to buy a new car. I showed up in a suit, ready to buy. But I had an older car, and not one single person acknowledged me.

No one looked at me, no one talked to me—except this little guy in the back selling a different brand. He said, “Oh hi! Come on in!” I didn’t even want to look at that car, but I went in and took a test drive. I didn’t buy it, but I’d recommend him because of how he treated me.

I won’t badmouth the company, but I would never recommend that dealership based on how I was treated. I thought, “Never mind. I don’t need you.” And I got a fantastic car somewhere else. 

Diane: Thanks so much for sharing Barb. It’s interesting how our worth can come from others and our worth can be taken from us when we don’t feel confident. So we need to choose our thoughts and actions so we can be uplifted by those who believe in us.

Read my other blogs:

1. I Lost My Spark
2. Connect & Collaborate—Not Compete: The Key to Thriving as Women in Business
3. Leadership Secrets: The Most Valuable Leadership Lesson Our Authors Learned