Permission to Prioritize Yourself

Are you the person who gives endlessly to clients, teams, families, friends, loved ones, and neighbours? The list goes on and on, but in the process, you forget the most essential person: yourself. 

While I know you understand that prioritizing yourself is important, I'm going to give you permission to actually do it.

In the process of managing all those tasks, situations and people, plus making sure everyone's good, you disappear. It's truly sad, but it's a fact.

When I ask people to write down their priorities, the one thing they often don't write down is their own name. I'd like to ask you: When was the last time you put yourself on your own priority list?

Beyond Basic Self-Care

Maybe you're thinking, "I get my nails done, I get my hair done, I read a book the other day." That's fine. Or maybe you have a business, and you put all your goals on your priority list. That's great too.

But is everything you need and want to not only survive but thrive happening in your current schedule? Do you prioritize yourself in your decision-making?

The Big Ideas

Here are the key concepts I want you to understand to share with you:

Prioritizing yourself isn't selfish, it's smart. It helps you be not selfish but self-full. Not full of yourself in an egotistical way, but full of self so you are feeling fulfilled, and energetic because you're honouring yourself.

You know the saying about putting your own oxygen mask on first on an airplane? Well, prioritizing yourself is the foundation of sustainable success. You can't lead powerfully, create boldly, or serve effectively if you're exhausted, resentful, and have no time for yourself.

The women who rise aren't doing more. They're protecting their energy better.

Let me say that again: The women who rise aren't doing more, they're protecting their energy better.

My Wake-Up Call

People often say, "Diane, you do so much and achieve so much." But the reality is, I've been figuring out how to be more places and do more things without it taking more of my time and energy.

There have been times when I put everyone else first. About 10 years ago, I had a client who was hosting an event. I was going to support her and to speak on stage, but I was throwing up all night long. You know those nights when you're hugging the toilet bowl and don't care that you're lying on the bathroom floor? That's when you know you’re really sick.

All night, I was thinking about my client and the need to be there, not about my need to rest and get better. In the morning, after throwing up all night (probably food poisoning), I had a few soda crackers, showered, and was one of the first people there and one of the last to leave. I was dead for days afterward.

Why did I do it? 

I have a strong value of commitment, and I'm not a flake. But did I have to be first there, and the last out? Could I have just shown up, done my talk, and left? For sure. That would have prioritized myself.

That was a time in my life when I said yes to everything else: new clients, speaking gigs, collaborations, other people's needs and demands. If there was an opportunity, I would do it. But the problem is, it was depletion in disguise.

The Turning Point

I had to start blocking time for me to think, rest, breathe, go for walks, do counselling, see a doctor, whatever was needed.

The truth is, my business didn't die. My life didn't fall apart. I didn't lose friends or relationships. Everything grew because I showed up with more energy, focus, and creativity.

A Sobering Stat

Women who don't prioritize rest and self-care are 60% more likely to burn out than men in similar roles.

Why? It's called mental load or the invisible load: emotional management, household coordination, team harmony. We have to be on top of every little piece. I bet if I asked you right now how many eggs you have, when you need to do laundry next, how much hand soap you have, your kids' best friends' names, you'd know all of these things because this is part of the mental load we carry.

We're not only prioritizing activities and people in our lives, we're keeping a running inventory of everything as well.

Three Benefits

Here are the benefits of prioritizing yourself. Which do you want the most?

1. More Energy

Who doesn't want more energy? You get to give more because you replenish yourself and have more to give.

2. Better Decisions

Your brain's rested, so you can be clear, focused, and make confident choices when you have space to think.

3. Resilience

You bounce back faster when you have stress or setbacks. It doesn't take you down, just slows you down for a moment until you figure out the pivot or next approach.

My Sleep Revelation - How I realized I wasn’t prioritizing myself

I realized I was feeling more emotional, had less ability to think clearly, couldn't make good decisions, and didn't have much resilience. I thought, "It must be menopause."

It wasn't until I looked at my Fitbit reports that I realized I hadn't had consistently more than six and a half hours of sleep (and most weeks averaged five and a half hours). When stats say women need eight to ten hours of sleep, I was basically sabotaging myself.

What were my priorities instead? Cleaning up, getting other work done, other people's agendas. It was not pretty, and it was not good for me.

Why Do We Struggle to Prioritize Ourselves?

1. Guilt

"How can I rest when there's so much to do?" We feel guilty that things aren't getting done or that we're not living up to roles and responsibilities, so we continue to push ourselves.

2. Fear

The worry that if you slow down, it looks like you're slacking off, lazy, or your commitment is lacking. We fear looking bad or falling behind if we say no or don't do things to crazy high standards at our own self-sacrifice.

3. Conditioning

We've been trained to put everyone else first.

Here's a story of how a shower made me mad and taught me permission to care for myself.

When my kids were young (a three-year-old and a baby), I was also building my business. My husband came home from work and disappeared upstairs. I heard the shower go on and was so mad. "I wanted to take a shower! Why did he get to go take a shower?"

When he came down, I said, "Must be nice. You get to go take a shower." He said, "You want to have a shower? Go take a shower."

I replied, "Yes, but the baby needs to be changed, our daughter wants a book read, dinner has to be made, laundry has to be folded..." He said, "No, you don't. Just go shower."

It's funny how I always checked in with everyone around me to make sure everyone was okay before I would do something for myself.

Have you ever done that? Has a client or team member ever told you, "You're always available"? Was that really a compliment? Are you always available because you're afraid of not serving a client or not living up to some standard?

What Happens When You Don't Prioritize Yourself

(Score yourself on a scale of 1-10 on these three consequences. 10 being "Yes, this is happening to me" and 1 is “Not at all”.)

1. Chronic Stress

That feeling of "I'm always on." You can't turn your brain off at night before bed, or if you awaken, it's hard to get back to sleep. You never really pause or chill. Even on vacation or doing something you like, you're still thinking of your to-do list instead of being present.

2. Resentment

Resentment builds. Look at the resentment I had for my husband just taking a shower! What you once loved can feel heavy and hard to do. You might have loved to cook before, and now you don't even want to do that.

3. Creativity Fades

You can't be innovative, creative, and passionate when you're exhausted. You can't pour from an empty cup. It's not just about filling your own cup first… fill it so much that it overflows into the saucer, then give from the saucer, not from the cup.

If you're a CEO, you need creativity to move your business forward, to be innovative, agile, and able to pivot. If you're in a career, you need creativity to problem-solve and support different situations.

Where are you on each of these, and where do you want to be? For example, if chronic stress is at a 6 out of 10, you probably want to be down at a 2 or 3. What would need to happen to get you there?

The Real Problem

I constantly see brilliant women who are burnt out, not from lack of ability, intelligence, desire, or success, but from a lack of prioritizing themselves and setting boundaries. Then they can't move forward because they're the bottleneck holding themselves back.

Your Action Step

This coming week, set one non-negotiable hour for yourself. Protect it like your most important meeting or client.

You can either set it up in advance (a walk, a nap, coffee at your favorite shop, time to think, create, draw, play, read, cook) or start that time and ask yourself, "What do I really want to do right now?"

Doing the dishes, laundry, or finishing a business project are not the answers. What would actually prioritize you?

When guilt creeps in, and you think "I could do more, be more, have more, serve more people," remind yourself: My worth isn't in how much I give. It's in how intentionally I live.

The Number One Limiting Belief

From my program called The Breakthrough (previously called Dynamic Year), where we discuss limiting beliefs, the number one I've found is: "I am not enough."

When "I am not enough" is active, we push and do more, and that's when we don't prioritize ourselves.

The women who thrive aren't the ones running the hardest. We need to move away from hustle culture. They're the ones who’ve stopped apologizing for taking care of themselves for not attending certain events, not helping people move, saying no to certain clients or projects, setting boundaries.

When you love yourself and prioritize yourself, you shouldn't have to apologize. You can be apologetic that you missed something because you wanted to be there, but not for saying yes to yourself.

My Own Journey

I've had so many opportunities to be on boards, co-chair conferences, attend conventions, and speak at different places. When I look at my life right now and how my kids need me, I've had to say “no” to honor them, but more importantly, to leave space for me.

That's been hard, but I don't apologize. I often say, "I really wish I could. That sounds like a great opportunity, but the timing is not right."

Your Turn

What was your biggest takeaway from this? If it resonated with you, reach out to me at [email protected] and let me know what spoke to you and where I can support you.

Share this with another woman who gives her all to life or her business and needs a reminder to prioritize herself.

I create these weekly blogs because I want you to have both success and satisfaction on your own terms. I take a stand for the "and", so you have Success AND satisfaction.

Until next time, stay dynamic!