Sometimes I Feel Alone

In most of my blogs, my topics are very education-centered or education-driven. There are how-tos. Sometimes, I share stories. Sometimes, they get real, raw, and vulnerable. This is going to be one of those. 

Who is saying “Sometimes I feel alone”

Where did this comment, “Sometimes I feel alone,” come from? Well, women have said this to me at events, when we're doing the hallway chats or the bathroom lineup talks. Or they come and see me after I've spoken on stage or done a breakout session. They come up to me, and we talk about it. Sometimes tears are shed. They say, “Sometimes I feel alone.” 

Clients have said this to me in coaching sessions, group sessions, or when they've come to Dynamic Women events. They've said, “Sometimes I feel alone. I come here, and now I don't.” 

I sometimes feel this, and it can be really strange for me to deal with and for people to even understand. The people who say this are often leading full, busy lives, with lots of people around them and lots of things happening. They have a lot of responsibility. 

They're strong leaders and high achievers. For me, I've got my soccer team, my friends, my business community, my family, my church community, my Canadian Association of Professional Speakers (CAPS) community, and on and on. 

Why I say it sometimes

How can we feel lonely when we have such full lives and so many people around us? Well, because we're strong, leaders, high achievers, and confident, oftentimes people think that…

• we don't need anyone
• we don't need the support
• we don't need people to check in on us…
  • But we do!

A lot of times, in the roles that we play in the different organizations we're a part of or the teams we are in charge of, we are the ones that others look to, to lean on, to get support from. 

Often, I'll be in an educational setting where I am not the leader and it's not my material, I'm there as a student, but I see others struggling, where I understand something or where I'm feeling good about where I'm at in the program, I will lean in and support others. But what I find is I then take that role on, and then I don't get the support I need from whoever's leading it because they're also looking to support the people who are struggling more. 

This was always the case in school. I was always sat beside the struggling kid, the new kid, the ESL kid, the bullied kid. My job was twofold. One, to help them to be able to learn the material, maybe by sharing it in a different way or going a bit slower or using different words. Then the other piece is bringing them into the fold of the group. I have such a heart for bringing people in. The funny thing is it comes from my own feeling of not feeling included.

You may think, “Diane, how are you not included?” or “You just have the confidence. You can work a room.” Well, I have to force that because it's not always easy. I find that strong, independent, high-achieving successful women don't have other people to lean on in the same way, and don't have the same support system. They are the ones who carry a lot of other people. I'm not saying other people are to blame. I'm just saying this is often the situation. 

There are a lot of things that are going to come up for me in 2024 that I'm putting together right now for these women. Because I hear them say:

• Where do I just get to be vulnerable? 
• Where do I get to feel like others are supporting me? 
• Where do I not have to carry the load or the answers for others? 
• Where do I get to just kind of fall in and know that I'll be carried?

There is a need for this. This is what I'm putting together. For now, I'll just let you know, there are a couple of spots in the She’s Goaled 2.0 program. This is an amazing place where…

• You don't have to be the leader,
• I will lead you
• You don't have to have all the answers - I’ll be bringing the strategy
• There’s power in the group dynamics. 
• The mastermind component will help to give you support
• And you've got structure

All with the aim to support you to achieve your own goals, not the goals of others, because everyone's on their own goal journey. Where you can achieve your own goals without the need to carry others. 

There are still a few spots. I'll keep those open so that we can have the greatest group possible. 

What you can do

What now for you if you say that sometimes I feel alone, and you're in this category, this group of people that I'm talking about? 

1. You need to find your flock, find your people. 
   

We don't see geese flying alone because nature isn't meant to be that way. You need the synergy of a group. 

Find your group, find your people, find others who are just as strong as you, or stronger than you, who challenge you to be better, where you're not the biggest fish in the pond. 

2. Get a leader or a mentor, a coach, or an advisor. 

Someone who you can learn from. A guru or whatever it is, who is ahead of you, or who you can put your full confidence in. There are a lot of people in my life that I pay to be part of my team, so different coaches and such. Sometimes they're just there to hear me cry. Sometimes they're there to remind me that I can do hard things. Sometimes they're there to tell me what the next step is when I don't have the clarity. 

3. Add in some support structure.

Not just some random people in your life, but an actual structure where you're part of a program or you agree to meet certain times to have that accountability or that check-in. Because that's where a lot of times the “I feel alone” comes from is that everyone thinks you're fine. Everyone thinks you're good. It's not that you're putting it on, or you're faking it, but you’re self-reliable, you’re independent, you’re capable, you’re successful. People don't feel like they need to baby you or check in on you. 

But feeling alone is a really sad, sad place to be because then you cocoon in.

Being alone and feeling alone are different because you can feel alone in a massive work environment or with tons of family and friends around you. If this is your place, then seek some support as well. Make sure you have a coach, a counselor, or someone you can confide in. 

I often say to my clients, “Bring me your mess, so you can be magnificent in the world.” We're not meant to be perfect. We're not meant to have everything fall in line and be exactly how it needs to be. If you're feeling alone, then take that step to not feel alone. Even just telling someone else, “I feel alone”, and if I'm that person, great, email me, [email protected] or send me a message on social media. 

I don't ever want anyone to feel alone. It is a hard place to be, and you can't use your gifts in the best way and do what you were meant to be brought here on Earth to do if you're in that place. Don't feel alone anymore and do something about it. 

If you are one of these strong leaders, high achievers, independent, self-reliable women, make sure your name is on my radar because I'm putting together some really amazing projects. I'm putting together an invitation list for the women who feel this way who are wondering, “Where are my people? Where are the other strong women where I get to maybe show more vulnerability around or I don't have to carry others?” 

If you're curious about that or wanting to know more, please email me [email protected] to say, “Hey, I'm one of those people. I read your blog, ‘Sometimes I feel alone’, and I'm one of those high achievers and looking for my flock.” I'd be happy to share some cool new initiatives that I'm doing. 

Read my other blogs:

1. Make Your Own "Snow Day" 
2. What Are You Waiting For
3. Stop Giving it ALL YOUR POWER!