Have you ever been called a good girl? In this blog, I may say some things that push some buttons, provoke people, or wake them up around a particular thing or two, but it is going to be about the importance of stopping being a good girl. What am I going to cover? Well, I'll talk about the definition of a good girl, my experience as a good girl growing up, how the world benefits from good girls, how you can benefit from being a good girl, how others view good girls, the negatives as well, and what I suggest you be instead. I'm going to need your help at the end to come up with a new title. Stick with me, and then reach out at [email protected] or send me a message on any of the platforms I'm currently on, and let's start a discussion about this. My definition of a good girl It can be defined as:
My experience as a good girl growing up Growing up I was an honor roll student, which I think gives me good girl status. I was the captain of many sports teams, both at school and on rep, competitive, or All-Star teams. I was the president of many clubs, businesses, and other things. I've been a leader in many facets of life and held managerial or supervisory roles. My experience as being a good girl can also be seen as being a leader, and a high achiever. Have you had good girl status in those titles or areas as well? What kinds of positions or titles have you had where you’ve been a ‘good girl’?
How the world benefits from good girls The world really benefits from good girls, but then I'm going to talk about why maybe you should stop being a good girl. The world benefits from good girls. Let's go through a few ways.
But how can you personally benefit from being a good girl? Benefits of being a good girl The benefit of being a good girl is that if you're doing good actions, there are no repercussions for bad actions. You're going to excel in what you do and get ahead. It's nice that others look up to you, so you step into a leadership role. There's also no guilt from wrong decisions because you're doing good things. Then you're often rewarded—recognized, promoted, or given nice things, opportunities, and nice acknowledgments. How others view a good girl When we're little, people say, "Good girl". I try not to say that to my kids. Instead, I say, "That was a good decision" or "That was a good action," so it’s not about labelling them. I was often told I was a good girl as a kid. This is where I don't want to be seen as a good girl anymore because society often views the good girl negatively. She's seen as a goody two-shoes, a rule follower, a brown-nose. I got a lot of that in high school because I was doing all these good, high-achieving things. I'd hear from my best friends, "Oh, so-and-so was saying you're a brown-nose," and they'd stick up for me, saying, "Oh, Diane's cool." They weren't listing all the things I did that were bad, though I did do some things that weren't so good. We don't really have this "good boy" label. The stereotypical "good girl" is present in movies and shows. Over the years, I've seen my achievements as good. I see some of the titles and positions I've held as being a good girl, but I don't necessarily want to be called that anymore because there are many negatives to being a good girl. Let's look at a few things. As an honor roll student, I felt pressure to be a good girl. I remember one time when I didn’t realize a homework assignment was due. It was due after lunch, and I was in the library freaking out, knowing I wouldn’t finish it in time. I started crying. There was so much pressure for me to be good at school—or at least that’s how I internalized it. The assignment was worth only a small percentage of my final score, but I just couldn’t handle it. When I was the captain of sports teams—rugby, soccer, volleyball—I had to set the bar for others. That's a lot of pressure. I would play injured, show up to things sick and even play a full game even if I was exhausted. One time when I was healthy, I remember running laps for warm-up and lapping my teammates, who were five to seven years younger than me. I had to motivate them to go faster, but they saw that as negative. For me, it was just about setting the bar. This is where we need to be. When you’re like that, there’s no margin for error. In work too, I can’t count how many times I’ve been sick, hurt, dealing with headaches, emotional problems, or life problems, but I had to push through because I was a good girl who did the things and got them done. I had high standards for myself. Maybe you feel that way, too. When I was president of the student council—or maybe you’ve been president of something—you realize that your job is to ensure things happen, but you can’t do it all. As a leader, you lead by example. You practice servant leadership, but sometimes that means others let you do it all. When you’re a manager setting guidelines and making things fair, there can be an “us and them” or “her and them”. I felt that, too, when I was promoted at a company. The people I used to work alongside no longer invited me out for drinks or talked to me as much. I felt left out because I was the good girl. I couldn’t be my full self as a good girl What I’ve realized as I’ve gotten older, more experienced, wiser, and since I worked on myself, is that being a good girl is a good thing in many regards, but it has stopped me from authentically being myself. Being a ‘good girl’ has stopped me from making mistakes, calling on others, and showing weakness. You could say this is true for all high achievers. This is where I need your help to develop another name for "good girl." It’s not "bad girl"—that’s not the opposite of good girl. Is it "authentic leader," "high achiever," "authentic high-achieving leader"? What is it? The benefit of not being a good girl, is permission to be real. It's permission to be raw, rough around the edges. It allows that margin for error. It allows you to be vulnerable and human and to have an off day. If you've ever been in certain positions as the good girl, it’s like you have no room to make a wrong move, and that’s a lot of pressure. Wrapping Up What do you think? Is it time for you to stop being a good girl? Let’s keep all the benefits—the good things I've mentioned, not just for you but for the world—but let’s change it to also include permission. Permission to be yourself, to sometimes say, "No, I don’t want to do that," "No, I don’t want to include everyone," or "No, I’m not going to go there." It’s like we’re not allowed to follow what our heart desires or what our gut tells us if the decision that we feel we should be making is pressured by others or society. I’m curious—what are your thoughts? Are you a good girl? Are you seeing that maybe you need to ditch the good girl title to provide some space to grow even more? Because I feel like having the good girl persona is just playing a role rather than being your true self. Maybe there are times when being a good girl means you’re not in resonance with what your heart and soul truly desire. Maybe you’re on a path or making decisions just so you don’t upset others, let them down, or face the disapproval of others. Maybe you’re in a career you don’t love or aren’t passionate about, but you feel like you can’t change it now. There's so much more here to unearth. It's something that I've been pondering over, but I'm excited about this new side of the good girl. Maybe it's the good bad girl. It's the good, real girl. I don't know. Let me know your thoughts and your takeaways from this blog. Also, sharing is caring, so share this blog with a friend or even better on your social media because what we need to be doing is raising others up as we rise ourselves. This could be a really good discussion point for you and others around you. Until next time, everyone. Stay dynamic! Read my other blogs:
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