The Danger of Busyness

I know September can feel like a fresh start, but that’s until your calendar gets jammed, and your energy is drained. In this blog, I'll discuss the dangers of sliding into busyness and help you avoid this common trap.

The key thing to know: Having a busy calendar does not equal your worth.

The Busyness Badge of Honour

This can be a big problem for high-achieving women. How many times have you asked someone, "How's it going?" and they respond, "Good, but busy"?

I used to feel proud when people said, "Oh, you're so busy," because it was like a badge of honour. But I realized it doesn't serve me. Being busy doesn't equal being productive, and for women entrepreneurs and female professionals, being busy can be a disguise that disconnects you from true success.

Nowadays, I hate when people say to me, "Oh, you're so busy." I don't want to come across as busy. I do have a lot going on, but I've worked really hard to not be so busy, reducing stress and enjoying a better quality of life and relationships.

Even though September looks shiny and new, it can often turn into a trap of overloading our calendars and saying yes to everything. Now is when things restart after summer: networking groups, sports, volunteering commitments, all the responsibilities that took a break.

Busyness vs. True Success

Think about what a successful life means to you. How would you paint your ideal life? What would be your ideal schedule? Where would your relationships be ideally? Look at every area of life.

You might feel that having a lot going on makes you important, a mover and shaker in high demand. But is that true success for you? Is being busy with no time for yourself or meaningful relationships really what you want? Is that true satisfaction? Probably not.

Research led by Columbia marketing professor Silvia Bellezza shows that people perceive others who are busy as important and impressive. Busyness has literally become a status symbol.

I want to shift this for society, maybe for you, maybe for people around you. What I find more impressive is someone who can have a slow start in the morning, take Friday afternoon off, have more vacation time, and still feel successful in their career. That's the goal, isn't it?

Are we working to live or living to work? Which is it for you?

The Productivity Trap

Busyness can be a distraction. Being busy doesn't mean you're productive, and productivity doesn't always equal progress if you're not being productive in the right way.

Your worth is not measured by your output. Your worth is measured by your feeling of satisfaction in life.

Ask yourself: Am I chasing productivity for validation from others to prove my worth, or am I pursuing progress on things that matter to me?

A Wake-Up Call

I was recently at a mastermind in Vegas where I meet with other business owners three times a year. I shared how I wanted to commit to doing something specific every single month for the entire year, not just a single event.

One person there, who's also a client of mine, said, "Diane, it sounds like you're filling your calendar and making yourself really busy. We have to be very careful with what we put in our calendar."

That reminded me: Do I have all the other things I want in my calendar first? Am I committing to something for the whole year that will exhaust me and take time, energy, and resources away from my true goals?

Why We Over-Commit

1. Fear of Disappointing Others

Someone asks you to be on a board, volunteer, help an organization, join a book club, and you have a fear of disappointing them. You say yes out of obligation, not alignment.

2. Equating Self-Worth with Being in Demand

I had a client who was running an event at her daughter's school. She said she didn't have time for business activities, so her business and friendships were suffering. When I asked how long she'd been doing it, I discovered she'd continued running it even after her daughter graduated from the school.

She felt good about being in demand and being the one putting on this event, but the self-worth from that didn't pay her bills, move her business forward or strengthen her relationships. She needed to redirect that energy toward her actual goals.

3. Society Glorifies the Hustle

We live in a world that praises constant hustle. You tick off task after task, proudly saying, “Look at everything I’m doing!” But pause for a moment, who are you actually becoming in the process? And what in your life makes you say, “Yes, this feels exactly the way I want to live”?

Benefits of Slowing Down

1. Clear Priorities and Direction

When you slow down, you're not pulled in different directions. You take time to decide what actually deserves to be in your calendar and where you want to put your time, energy, and resources. You get to honour your priorities and be present in the moment.

2. More Meaningful Progress Toward Long-Term Goals

Because you’ll have time and space for things that matter most you’ll make great progress. 

I recently had to reset my calendar because I got off track. I've been talking about writing a one-woman show, but it took a back seat to other things. When someone asked, "How's the show going?" I realized I was losing out on meaningful, aligned goals. Just days ago, I blocked out two hours every weekday on my calendar to focus on my play.

3. Better Emotional Regulation and Stress Levels

You'll be stressed when you have too many things, when you're flying from one thing to another with no downtime. When you can regulate emotions and stress levels, you become more productive, healthier, and have better relationships.

For us middle-aged women (I'm turning 46 this month), perimenopause and menopause are real. My ability to handle stress has diminished, and my cortisol levels are higher. The more we can slow down, the better for our health, mental and physical.

The Three Main Consequences of Not Dealing With This:

1. Burnout - Are you going to be the fourth person who avoids it? If we continue falling into the busyness trap, we'll probably be burnt out by mid-October, definitely before year-end. Christmas will be hard.

A Deloitte study shows that 77% of employees have experienced burnout at some point in their careers, with many citing poor work-life balance as the primary cause. That's three out of four people experiencing burnout, not just stress, but actual burnout.

2. Disconnection from your true goals - Just like my health goals, one-woman show, and home renovation goals took a back seat. You will get further away from your goals and maybe even lose touch with the vision or spark that created it all in the first place. Maybe like me it’s time to reconnect with your real goals this month.

3. Strained relationships - You keep telling yourself you’ll slow down, but the demands never end. Dinner plans get skipped, calls go unanswered, and before you know it, you’re always “too busy” for the people who matter most. And it’s not just you: 76% of workers say that stress from work negatively impacts their personal relationships. 

When you show up stressed from work and react negatively in relationships, you have to spend time and energy repairing them. Being busy stops you from being a nice person, taking care of yourself, growing in other areas, and investing in your marriage or important relationships.

The Truth About Growth and Happiness

True growth & true happiness do not come from having a packed schedule. 

It comes from:

• Clarity in what you actually want
  
• Boundaries around your time and energy, and what you say yes to
  
• Aligned action toward your goals and what actually makes you happy
  
• Letting go of the other things to create space, energy and drop burdens
  

Your Action Step

Right now, write down three things that are either on your to-do list or in your calendar that don't directly serve your goals. Are you part of a board, networking group, book club, or class that's not serving your goals anymore? Maybe it's not at your level, or maybe it's just not aligned.

(I'm not saying don't volunteer. Volunteering can help you achieve your goal of giving back. I'm helping with my son's school hot lunch program, which doesn't build my business but serves my goal of giving back and building my relationship with my son.)

Can you release one of the three you wrote down? I believe you can. When you do it, let me know what it is.

Protect Your Calendar

Really value your calendar. I've blocked in things that matter: gym/walk/run time, lunchtime, CEO time, massages, and other healthcare providers, so I can work on my business (not just in it), and now my one-woman show time.

It's much easier to say no to something when you have strong yeses in your calendar. Then you're actually saying, "If I say yes to this, I have to move or get rid of this from my calendar."

Let me know how this has impacted you, and remember, avoid the dangers of sliding into busyness. Your future self will thank you.

Until next time, stay dynamic!