The Difference Between Escape and Intentional Pause

Have you been living for your vacation, or thinking that "my vacation should be restful, but I need a vacation from my vacation"? Then there's a chance that you are not resting. You're just taking your stress somewhere sunny

You need to know the difference between escape and intentional pause.

In the moment you are reading this, I'm in sunny Nuevo Vallarta: sitting by a pool, reading a book, chatting with my friend, listening to some great music.

I share this for two reasons: 1) it’s what sparked this topic, and 2) I want your vacations to be a time for intentional pause, not just escape from the day-to-day grind.

You may be wondering if I am sitting by a pool; did I write it by the pool, or did I leave to work in my room? Neither. Before I go away, I pre-record my content as a video, then my Virtual Assistants take my video, put it on YouTube, publish it as a Podcast, and write my blog from the transcript. I do this so that I can go away and be chill. I'm going to talk about that tactic in a little bit.

(Side note: I completely understand that I'm very privileged to be able to go away. And grateful I have business support and my husband’s support. Even though my husband has the financial means to go, he's not fully free in his schedule because he works for a company and has limitations on his vacation time.)

I’m writing this because I want all women to have better vacations, more restful vacations, and to share how to reintegrate when you come back so that you feel even more rested.

The Assumption High-Achieving Women Make

Something I see all the time with high-achieving women is the assumption, “If I go away, I will feel better.”

The truth is, you can change locations and still bring the same pressure with you.

I have been on many a vacation, or even to masterminds, where the person I am with or the people I am with are still spending a few hours by the pool or still in the room answering emails, working on a project, in meetings and not able to fully relax because they are needed and when they aren’t they're wondering, "Did that thing get done properly?"

This could be for someone in a career or running their own business, and I don't want you to have the same pressure when you're trying to take that pause.

​The Big Distinction

There's a big distinction here:

Escape: I'm running from something. I'm trying to get away from it.

Intentional Pause: Creating space to realign and recharge, or to be re-excited about things.

Every vacation, every trip, every time away doesn’t have to be an escape. Instead, the shift is to make it an intentional pause.

Vacations don't automatically equal rest, but they can.

I know people close to me who are living for their vacations. They work so hard. It's so stressful. They hate their boss, or something about it, and all they want to do is escape. They just want to get away.

When you escape, you go on vacation, but you can't fully get away from it. 

What Escape Looks Like

• Constant distraction: You can't just sit by the pool and chill. Instead, you're planning things, you're on your phone, you're maybe drinking, you're scrolling. You need to fill that void with something. You can't just sit and relax. 
  
• You need the trip to “fix” how you feel, but you're still thinking about work nonstop, so you don't actually get a rest
  
• You’re  still thinking about work nonstop
  
• You’re avoiding the hard questions that maybe a little voice inside is asking you
  
• You’re dreading going home when you’ve just arrived: That's the issue with just a two-day weekend: Friday night, you're so excited for the weekend. Saturday, you enjoy it. Sunday, you're dreading Monday
  

I definitely don't want you to just change the venue where you're still working super hard while you're away.

I can remember being by the pool with a friend who was stressing about a proposal that she had to put together as a presentation. It was thrown at her at the last minute, so she wasn't able to prepare in advance of our trip. I said, "Hey, do you want someone on my team to just make that PowerPoint presentation for you?" She's like, "Really, that can happen?"

Having someone else take care of things or help you get ahead when things pop up while you're away is really handy.

What Intentional Pause Looks Like

Intentional pause looks like:

• Spaciousness, even boredom, to allow time to process, be creative. ​
  

People say to me, "Oh, I could never sit by a pool for a week." Well, I'm not just sitting by the pool. I am:

• People watching
  
• Listening to music
  
• Swimming
  
• Enjoying great food
  
• Doing the aquasize class
  
• Thinking creatively, journaling and praying
  

• Letting emotions surface without rushing to solve them: I know now that when there's quiet (and I don't always like the quiet, because sometimes my mind just starts racing), but to be lying by a pool knowing you don't have to make a decision, you can let the emotions come up and just be and be curious about it instead of pushing to problem solve.
• Feeling more present in your body: I'm often in my head. I'm analytical, I'm thinking through things, I'm creative, I'm planning things, I'm organizing. It is a lot, and so I'm not always in my body. Having that time and space where clarity shows up without force, creativity comes, and a plethora of ideas emerges.
• Curiosity instead of urgency: I know now that when there's quiet (and I don't always like the quiet, because sometimes my mind just starts racing), but to be lying by a pool knowing you don't have to make a decision, you can let the emotions come up and just be and be curious about it instead of having urgency.
  
• Clarity showing up without force: There's this spaciousness to recharge, yes, but to also just allow for whatever to come up. I often get the best ideas and downloads when I'm just being still and not “doing”. A lot of times when I go for walks in the forest near my home, I will put a podcast in, call a friend or my mom, and I'm busy, I'm still busy, even though I'm on a walk. When I take all of that out of my ears and let my brain just be, so many amazing things come to me.

That's the problem these days: we don't have this buffer time. We don't have space. Usually, before it would be waiting for a client, waiting at the doctor's office. Very rarely did you have a book or look through a magazine. But now it's just every moment your head is in your phone.

There's been research about this: university students have a harder time remembering the information they just learned because right after class they go on their phone, rather than discussing with their classmates what they just learned. The brain is naturally putting things away, sorting the different pieces as we leave one task or experience. Instead, your brain goes straight to "Oh, look at this funny video,” or “My friend messaged me." There's no time for your brain to sort through the information.

That's why when I go on these types of vacations, I want to have quiet time with no pressure for anything.

How High-Achieving Women Use Travel to Avoid

Check with yourself, if these are true for you on how you think of time off or travel:

• It’s a reward for overworking.
  
• It’s a reset button instead of a reflection space: "I just need to get away, just need to reset"?
  
• It’s proof of success: "Ooh, look where I'm going" or "Because I made this income level, I get to go on vacation"
  
• I fill every moment so nothing uncomfortable comes up. ​
  

I've done all of these. I've seen all of these in the women I coach. These can be completely normal things in society, but I don't want it to be normal for you.

Signs You're Actually Restoring Yourself on Vacation

1. You're sleeping differently: Probably sleeping longer, sleeping deeper (that's why I love my Fitbit to know if I got enough sleep). Maybe you're having naps too.
2. Your body feels softer: Like it’s dropped the tension.
3. You're moving a bit slower, more intentionally: You're talking more thoughtfully rather than rushing to the next thing.
4. You're less interested in proving anything: It's less about that achievement and more about life satisfaction.
5. You're thinking in truths, not to-do lists
6. You're very self-aware in the moment: "What is it that I want to do right now? What would feel best to me?" (obviously checking in with the people around you as well.)
7. You're not rushing to capture or document anything: Have you ever been on those trips where you’re surprised you haven't taken any photos or videos? It’s because you're so in the moment. Or you’re not in the videos or photos, because you're just enjoying taking videos or photos of what you're seeing.
8. You feel calmer about decisions that you were stressed out about before, because what can happen is there's no time and space for you to really think and feel through decisions

The reason is that restoration often feels quiet rather than exciting or exhilarating.

Now, if you're the type that's like "That's so boring, Diane, I never could," but are you always on? Do you never have that time to chill? If you don't and you're stressed, this could be the type of vacation that you need: this lower-pressure, slower-paced type of vacation.

What I Intentionally Left at Home

Here's what I consciously left at home and why it mattered:

1. Major content creation: I did it in advance. I record one video that gets put on my YouTube channel, my podcast, my blog, and all my socials, and my team does the same. I pre-recorded my major content pieces. And I’m editing this blog on the flight.
2. Meetings: The only thing I'm going to be doing is coaching my current clients and even that is reduced. I'm not taking on anything else. Anything I do have I'm trying to groupa few together at a time.
3. The pressure to be productive: If I get to the aquasize class and maybe do Mexican bingo in a day, wonderful. I have no pressure to do it all. I aim to run most days. If I do it, great. If not, that's fine too.
4. The version of me that's always responsible for everyone else: This is a vacation with a friend. She can take care of herself. I can take care of myself. What often happens is we care for each other, which is really lovely. I don't have to be responsible for anyone else's happiness, even hers. I don't have to be responsible for what people are eating, doing or drive anyone anywhere.

That is one of the joys of being able to step away without bringing my family. I'm so blessed that my husband is supportive of this. It's not necessarily that I need his permission, but I am so appreciative that he's cool with me going.

I told him the other day, "I so appreciate that I get to go. Because you could say no, it's too hard" (because he steps up and he parents both sides, and I know single parents do that all the time, but he's stepping into that). He doesn't guilt me for it. I don't owe him anything. He even said, "You work really hard. You deserve it."

I come back a better person. That's, I guess, his reward.

How to Return Without Wrecking the Rest

How do you return without snapping back into your old habits, without coming back and feeling again overwhelmed or overworked or stressed?

Here are a few practical ideas you can easily bring in, even if you just had a weekend away:

1. Have Things Done Ahead of Time

Are there things you will need to have done for the 1st or 2nd day back? Then have tasks completed before you go, not just for the trip, but for the first few days when you get back. You don't want any pressure to be doing anything under a deadline.

2. Don't Immediately Fill Your Calendar

I like to give myself a two-day buffer after coming back so I can re-enter slowly and on purpose. That's the key thing: on purpose. Otherwise, the calendar is going to get filled with the things that were important to you before you left.

3. Protect One Habit that Came From this Intentional Pause

There are certain habits that you picked up that were positive from this intentional pause that you want to bring into life. Is it consistent sleep, reading, eating nutritiously, maybe swimming, other healthy habits, reflection, journaling, whatever it may be?

Just pick at least one and protect that. Keep doing it.

4. Notice What Feels Intolerable Now

The things that you cannot stand. That's data for you. When your emotions are saying, "Oh, this is so frustrating. Oh, I don't like that anymore. That's annoying," really take that in.

That's dissonance. You're not feeling energy from it, you're feeling that friction. So you want to take notice: "Wow, okay, that thing annoys me, or that type of meeting, I don't like that anymore."

​You get to make a change or improve things.

5. Change One Expectation, Not Everything

You might go on this wonderful trip and think, "Oh, I'm going to do all of these things when I get back." You might not be able to get all of those things in place, but if you change just one expectation when you return, one habit, one thing, that is more manageable. Then you can add in more.

You Don't Lose the Clarity

On your trip, with that intentional pause, you're gonna have some clarity. You might come back and feel like you've lost the clarity, like "Oh, it's just not there anymore. I'm not having the same visions or the same understanding of things."

The trouble is, you don't lose the clarity. You don't lose that ability to pause. You completely abandon it.

You abandon it because you don’t tap into it by taking a longer pause and maintaining some of that intentional pause as you come back into your regular life. You can, but you choose not to.

Final Thoughts

What if your next break wasn't a desperate escape from your reality, but instead an intentional pause that's planned?

I encourage you to do that. It's not just about self-awareness. It's about actually allowing that, noticing:

• How you travel
  
• What you bring with you
  
• How you return in your life
  

I would love for you to have less of that feeling of "I need to run away from my life" and more of coming back to yourself from now until the end of your days.

I'm curious: what's your biggest takeaway? I'd love to hear from you. You can email me personally: [email protected].

I really hope that the next time you go away, you feel, know, and implement the difference between escape and intentional pause.

Until next time, stay dynamic!