The New Way to Build and Maintain Meaningful Friendships as a Busy Woman

Women ask me, "Diane, how do you maintain friendships if you're a busy woman?"

That's what I'm going to talk about today. Not just how to do it, but the new way to build and maintain meaningful friendships as a busy woman.

This is the last blog of a four-part series all about friends, which was sparked by me being vulnerable and sharing how at my 50th birthday (which is in three and a half years), I want to have 50 girlfriends there. I say girlfriends just because I am craving, wanting more, closer female friendships.

Friendships Don't Just Happen

We all know friendships don't just happen. But what do we actually do to make them happy and healthy and meaningful?

I used to think friendships had to be forged over years and years: high school friends, some sports friends, neighbourhood friends. 

They don't have to be forged over long dinners, big plans, lots of time. That's also because I don't have a lot of time, and I suspect you don't either.

Because of this, I decided, "Well, I guess I'll be friends with who I can be friends with in the time that I have and in the things that are already happening in life."

For quite a while, I've actually built a lot of friendships:

• Over walks
  
• Over quick coffees
  
• Even over voice notes with people who I don't get to see locally because they live further away
  

How We Normally Build Friendships

1. Put it in your calendar.

If you don't schedule it, it doesn't happen.

That's just the reality of life. Looking at my schedule every week, every few weeks, I think: Where can I plug in these walks, and coffee dates? Where can I invite someone I know to an event with me, or drive with me to an event so we can catch up?

2. Reach Out Without a Reason

Just sending messages like:

• "Hey, I've been thinking about you."
  
• "Hey, I thought you might like this."
  

Every time I do that, it's so well received. Sometimes it's "Oh, you were on my heart, and I prayed for you."

This ability to reach out and even connect it to something you've seen before, like sending an impactful article, funny meme, or something that can be inspirational to the person, shows that you're thinking of them and that you care. 

3. Be the One Who Initiates

If you've met a cool person and you want to be their friend, initiate. I stopped waiting because I was waiting a long time for people to reach out, and it just wasn't happening.

Most other people are waiting too, and they're wondering why it hasn't happened. If you are the one who initiates and sets up the meeting, the next piece is easier.

4. Make a Plan While in a Plan

While you're at the movies, on the walk, having dinner, having a coffee with someone, on the phone for a chat, make a plan for the next time you're going to be together.

I learned this actually from my chiropractor. After my appointment, as I'm paying, he'll say, "Okay, so how long do you want to give it? Three weeks, four weeks?"

I appreciate that because it goes in my calendar. Otherwise, with practitioners that don't book it in with me, I find months go by, and I'm like, "Oh, right, I need to book in." Then I'm too busy to even just book it.

That's the easiest way to do it: While you're on that coffee date, just say, "Hey, let's look at our calendars. When can we meet again?" That makes it so easy to just keep going without a whole bunch of texts trying to figure out your calendar when it's probably already a month or two later.

5. Change Your Focus

From "I'm just going to know all these people" to "I'm going to be making more meaningful connections."

Then ask yourself: How do I actually do that? How do I make more meaningful connections with people?

Is it one of these?

• Letting your guard down
  
• Sharing more
  
• Cheerleading the person
  
• Offering support
  

What is it for you that would help you really gain depth in that friendship, in that relationship?

We could think about even the Five Love Languages. What is the love language of your friend in terms of their friendship language? Is it acts of service? Is it words of affirmation? What is it that they need?

You could even ask:

• "What makes a good friend to you?"
  
• "What do you need in your life right now?"
  
• "How can I best support you as your friend?"
  

That would really give more information for a stronger friendship.

The New Way: Blend Friendships Naturally Into Our Lives

I'm encouraging you to try not just a new way, like shorter coffee dates or going for walks, but what if we changed the way we spent time with others?

What if, instead of it being another task, it just blended naturally into our lives?

Invite a Friend to Do Errands With You

• Grocery shopping together: Either you meet there, do your grocery shopping, then go to your separate homes, or one picks up the other and then drops them off. When I had young ones, I’d do this on a Sat night with a friend. It was like a night out.  I’d even grab a tea on the way.
  
• Other errands together: Waiting in lines for things or running here or there is so much more fun when you have someone with you.
  

Help Each Other

I did that with one friend. I shared with her, “When my family goes away, I really want to organize my son's room. It's chaos."

She surprised me by saying, "I could help you with that."

And she did, so I asked, "Well, then what can I help you with?"

I just remembered that I need to reach out to her because I haven't reciprocated yet. I was going to help her with some gardening. Since it's springtime now, it would be a great time for me to support her by spending a few hours with her in the garden. Many hands make little work, and it's much more fun to do these things with someone else.

Invite Someone Over to Your Messy House

How about we even change it from, we need to go out for dinner, using a lot of time and money " to " inviting someone over to our messy house to eat leftovers or grilled cheese sandwiches or something super simple?

I remember when a friend of mine said, "Do you want to just come over? I've got some great leftovers." I gladly accepted. It just felt more personal to be in her everyday life.

What if that was the new way we built meaningful relationships?

I remember being invited over to stop in at someone's house. Coming into her house, I noticed that she hadn't vacuumed in a while, and I was like, "Oh, good. She's not perfect, and her home doesn't have to be perfect. This is just normal, and that's okay."

Better that I get to go over and spend time with her than she freaks out and is like, "My house isn't ready, and I can't have you over."

What if we just made it easier for us to do life together?

We don't have to go on these big plans or adventures (though they are fun). What if we just build meaningful relationships as we live our everyday lives?

Take Action Today

With those thoughts, with this new way of building these deeper, more meaningful relationships as a busy woman, what is one thing that you could invite a friend to do with you?

Look at your calendar. See what's on there. Is there something that you can invite them to be a part of?

Then who is that one person that you could reach out to, even if it's just "I'm thinking of you"? Who is the one person that you would like to either rekindle your friendship or go into a deeper, more meaningful friendship with?

Who could you reach out to? Really, that's the first step: just knowing who, and then figuring out the what.

Given that it's spring right now, you could plant flowers, or depending on the season that you're in (maybe it's winter when you're reading this), there's always something that could be done physically outside, like shovelling a driveway, raking leaves, whatever it may be.

What is something that you could do together?

You don't need more time. You don't need to have it cost a ton of money. You just need a little bit of intention and a little bit of innovation to have it be the new way of meeting, doing life together, and building our friendships at the same time.

And that's something you can start today.

We Weren't Meant to Do Life Alone

If you just found this blog, know that I don't normally talk this much about relationships and friendships. I just felt like this is something that a lot of people have been commenting on and sharing with me, the struggle that they have around friendships. So I'm putting time and energy into this because I know it will have a big impact.

We weren't meant to do life alone. We're meant to be surrounded by other amazing women, other friends, people with whom we can live our lives with.

So reach out to somebody today.

Until next time, stay dynamic!