We’re Not Meant to Be “On” All the Time

We're not meant to be “on” all the time.

Have you ever been praised for being “on”, but what if that's the very thing that's draining your power, your energy, and your happiness?

What "Being On" Looks Like

Being “on” looks like:

• You feel like you have to perform
  
• You're responding
  
• You're producing
  
• You're managing everyone else's energy around you
  

If you've ever had to present or coach someone or be in a meeting when you felt tired, sick or drained, but you still had to do it, then that's the moment you feel on.

Maybe some of the work you're doing, if you're in the service industry, is emotional labor because you're having to put on a smile, be kind, and helpful to people when maybe you don't feel like it, or potentially they don't deserve it.

My Story: My Nervous System Needed Help

I've realized my nervous system needs help. I've had to be “on” for so long. Yes, I've made changes. I have two virtual assistants. I don't schedule myself as much. I've set boundaries. But hitting a certain age, being in perimenopause, and all the things that happened over the past five years? My nervous system has taken a real hit.

I didn't realize that until I went to my physio because I'd hurt my calf at soccer (yes, I still play soccer, though right now I'm not). In talking with her, I realized that my nervous system needs a little bit of a reboot.

In order for me to sustain the business, sustain myself, and be a great leader, it's important that I take the time to be able to do that.

Our bodies weren't designed for constant performance, constantly being “on”. Neither was your leadership. Neither is that going to be the best way to be your top self and happy at the same time.

The Physical Impact

When you're in that constant output, your nervous system can get stuck in fight or flight. It could be mild. It could be severe.

For me, it was little things like:

• I wasn't breathing correctly
  
• My cortisol has been flipped (It flipped.  It’s really low in the morning and not giving me the boost I need, and is high at night keeping me wired.)
  

Maybe you've had that too. Some of these things could be stress-induced from the work you're doing, from the high level of leadership that you're in, or maybe the season that you're in as a woman.

What Happens When Constant Output Continues

When that constant output is happening:

• Your creativity can decline
  
• Your intuition starts to get quieter
  
• Your patience shrinks
  

You know this because maybe you're barking back at people, maybe you're putting out a lot of fires, and things feel really urgent.

I spoke in a recent post about how you're capable. You're capable, but that doesn't mean you need to do everything yourself. But it's also true that you could be capable and still be dysregulated.

Feminine Rhythms vs. Linear Hustle

Women are cyclical. We have our cycles. Nature has cycles and seasons as well. This is also referring back to a previous post I did: What season are you in? Are you in a momentum season or a maintenance season?

The same thing should be true around these seasons, around our leadership energy. This should also be cyclical. We shouldn't have to be “on” at this high level all the time, all year.

I coach a lot of women who say, "I could do this high level output for a little while, but then it just became the norm."

If we have that constant output, constantly having to be “on” and produce and perform, it's going to start ignoring our own biology, ignoring our intuition and who we are meant to be.

We're not meant to have this linear hustle all the time. We're meant to cycle through things.

When we override our nervous system, we override our wisdom as well.

You can probably relate that there have been times when you knew you were tired and you knew you couldn't handle anymore, but you were a trooper. You put your big girl panties on and you made it happen. But it's not necessarily a good place for you.

Rest Is a Leadership Skill

Rest is a leadership skill. Rest is a necessity.

I want us to reframe rest in these four different ways:

1. Rest Is Strategic

It's a strategy you put into your business so you can come back recharged, more creative, more ready to take things on.

2. Rest Is Intelligent

You're smart to rest. Everything has to rest at some point. It's not saying that if you don't rest, you're dumb, but you're not listening to your own wisdom.

3. Rest Is Protective

It protects you from getting super sick, from your nervous system going into chaos, from all of these things that we don't want to happen.

I once volunteered for an organization, and one of the main people had a nervous breakdown because she was “on” so much. The sad thing is, the pendulum swung, and she went into the complete opposite where she couldn't handle anything. She couldn't even reply to our emails to tell us she couldn't do the role anymore and we had to knock on her door and talk to her husband to find out what had happened.

4. Rest Is Expansive

Rest gives you that time and space to get new ideas, to have more creativity, to be able to see the big picture again. We're not limited with blinders because things are becoming too much.

My Rest Period

I'm writing this in advance of one of my rest periods. By the time you're reading this, I'll be in my second week of being in Mexico, having a real rest, where the only decisions I have are:

• What time do we eat
  
• Do I want to do the dance class in the water or the water aerobics?
  
• Do I want to play volleyball or do I want to do Mexican lottery?
  

These spaces really help me to recharge because I'm not on. That means there's going to be some designing of things with the people I'm with, less expectations, maybe more boundaries.

That's why I'm pre-recording my podcast, my YouTube, my blog, doing all these things in advance so that I can have that rest. You can have rest by doing things in advance too.

The Choice

We have some contrasts here:

• The exhausted business owner, the exhausted leader → becomes reactive
  
• A regulated service provider, business owner, a regulated leader → feels rested and can be expansive
  

It shouldn't be a hard choice for you. It's just about thinking:

• Where are you “on” in your life that you really need to be able to unplug and turn off?
  
• Where are you performing instead of leading?
  
• Where are you being “on” or performing instead of speaking the truth of what you need in that situation?
  

What Would Your Leadership Look Like?

What would your business look like? What would leadership look like if it included restoration, rest, or recharging?

It doesn't have to be two weeks in Mexico. I get that I'm blessed to be able to do that, and I have a supportive spouse (because I do have two children).

What would your business look like if you could:

• Have restorative mornings: Have a slower start to your day? This is one thing I was talking about with one of my clients: having a slower start to their day so they don't feel that pressure to go and hit every mark.
  
• Create buffer time: Rather than one thing after another after another, there's space. Space to be able to just breathe between.
  
• Take Mondays or Fridays off (or slower): Maybe that's your catch-up day where you're not on camera at all, where you don't have to put any makeup on. You can wear your joggers, pull your hair back in a ponytail, and not worry about presenting yourself or performing to anyone. You don't need to have four or five full days on.
  

From Performing to Grounded Power

I hope that this makes you look at where in your life you feel like you're performing or you're pushing, and that you can start to see where there maybe could be some cycles rather than hustle.

It's not that you're not capable of hustling and doing, but it's about being in a different space:

• Being able to be grounded
  
• Being able to be powerful
  

In the world today, that will not only be something that's going to greatly help you, but it can be something that is a legacy, an inspiration, a model to those women and girls behind you as to how we need to treat ourselves so that others start to treat us that way too.

Who needs to learn this? Share it with them.

Until next time, stay dynamic!