Why High-Achieving Women Struggle to Maintain Friendships

High achievers don't always have many close friends. Some of it is our fault, and some of it is how society sees high achievers.

If this is something you can relate to, or you're just curious, keep reading. Today I'm talking about why high-achieving women struggle to maintain friendships.

This is the second in a series about friendships. This came about because I started the 50 before 50 challenge, meaning I would love to have 50 close friends before I turn 50. I have three and a half years to make that happen, which is fantastic, because it takes time to make friends.

Reasons why high-achieving women struggle to create and maintain friendships

Reason 1: We’re Busy and Goal-Focused

No surprise here. High achievers often think, “I should reach out,” but don’t. Work and life take over.

We show up consistently for business goals, deadlines, and commitments. Friendships don’t always get the same structure or priority. If a friend truly needs us, we’re there. But the lighter, everyday connection? That’s where things slip.

This isn’t just a stereotype. It comes up often in conversations with high-achieving women. Many feel it, even if it shows up differently.

It’s a familiar pattern:
“I should text her.”
“I should plan something.”

Then the calendar comes out:
“When are we both free?”
“Can I fit this in?”
“Will our schedules ever align?”

Between work, clients, kids, and everything else, it gets pushed to later. And later keeps moving.

We’re wired to prioritize what feels urgent and measurable. Productivity wins. Friendships don’t come with clear metrics or immediate outcomes, so they’re easier to delay.

It can even feel like we have to “earn” downtime. Work first, then maybe fun. So connection gets treated like a luxury instead of a need.

One client realized this when the earliest dinner she could schedule with a friend was three months out. That was the signal that something needed to change.

I can remember someone in an association that I was getting close to as a friend. We did some board stuff together that was really fun. Then she asked me to do some higher-level board stuff, and in her invite, she said, "Hey, this is going to be so great. We could hang out together more." I didn't want to do the board work, but I wanted to hang out with her more. So I replied, "Can I just say no and still hang out with you more?" She was like, "For sure, for sure."

Reason 2: Identity Shifts

As high-achieving women, we grow and change quickly. With each new level comes new roles, responsibilities, and expectations.

Sometimes, the people who understand us best are in similar environments, like business. That’s often where new friendships form.

But growth can also create distance. Not every friendship evolves in the same direction. Priorities shift, time gets tighter, and without intention, connection fades.

It’s rarely dramatic. No big fallout. Just less reaching out, fewer shared moments, and eventually, silence.

Even structured time together can be misleading. You might spend a lot of time with someone through work or volunteering, but once that shared context disappears, so does the connection.

That’s when you realize the friendship depended more on proximity than intention.

Reason 3: The “Later” Trap

High achievers are always working toward the next thing. So we tell ourselves, “I’ll reach out after this launch,” or “when things calm down.”

But things rarely calm down. The next goal replaces the last one, and the pace stays the same.

Short busy seasons are normal. But when “later” keeps getting pushed, it quietly turns into never.

It’s not a time issue as much as a pattern. The same drive that fuels success can also keep friendships on hold.

Reason 4: We Don’t Want to Be a Burden

This one is subtle but powerful.

High achievers are used to being capable, reliable, and self-sufficient. So instead of reaching out, we think:

• “I don’t want to interrupt.”
  
• “They’re probably busy.”
• ​“I’ll wait until I have more time.”

And we don’t reach out at all.

We handle things on our own, even in moments when we’d normally lean on a friend. Not because we don’t value connection, but because we don’t want to feel like we’re adding to someone else’s load.

How Society Screws Us Over

This is almost the opposite of a lot of the things I've already said, or connected to the things I have already said.

We're told:

• We are capable, therefore we shouldn't need to reach out to friends to carry a heavy burden or to talk through something.
  
• Strong women don't need help. We can do it all ourselves.
  

We not only have to bear the emotional burden, but maybe a physical one as well when doing things.

Society's Priority Setting for Us

Society tells us: You need that bigger house, that better this, that bigger that, that next level. Our value comes from external things, based on our success, rather than from our satisfaction, which would be the friendships.

They're not valued as highly, though everyone says, "You know, people are the most valuable.” When there's a fire, as long as everyone's okay, that's all that matters.

With higher roles, there's an expectation that you're the first one there, the last one to leave, that you're giving up your evenings, your weekends, that you're always there at the helm. Could you really skip out on an extra meeting at night or somebody asking to meet with you through work and say instead, "I can't, I'm hanging out with my friend"?

It's a little bit frowned upon. Even though people are like, "No, no, family is important, friends are important," saying no to something work-related is very frowned upon.

The Assumption: "They Already Have a Lot of Friends"

Since society says this person's successful, this person's high-achieving, this person knows a lot of people (I touched on this in the last post), they already have a lot of friends. Therefore:

• We don't need to reach out to them
  
• We don't need to see if they want to be included, invited
  
• They have a lot of friends, and they don't want to make more friends
  

Often, high achievers and leaders are the loneliest because we know many people, but we don't have many we can confide in or lean on.

Many times I've tried to lean on people, and the result was that they leaned right back on me in the same conversation, or they didn't know how to handle it when I became vulnerable, which meant I put the wall back up, pulled back, and acted okay again.

Check on Your Strong Friends

I've said this before: You have to check on your strong friends. You have to check in on the strong women, the successful women in your life, because you never know what kind of demons they're dealing with behind the scenes, or the loneliness & the pressures.

They need not only friends to lean on and share the burden with, but also friends just to have fun, because that's one of the first categories that leaves a high achiever's life.

When we look at the 10 areas, the top three to leave are:

• Friends
  
• Fun and recreation
  
• Health (sadly)
  

We Need to Change

I think as a society, we need to change how things are. Not just having friends in business, but having friends in all areas. As I said in my last blog, I have friends in different categories and different areas: my soccer friends, my church friends, my neighbourhood friends, and my childhood friends.  Those relationships really enrich my life in different ways.

The Truth Moment

We don’t lose friendships by accident or lack them for no reason. The way our lives, businesses, and drives are structured often works against us.

We can push back against society, but high-achieving women, let's drop the walls a little bit to show a little bit more of the vulnerability, because we're really good at building systems and reaching our goals, except in this category.

Start Making This a Priority

I encourage you to make this a priority if you want to build more friendships or deepen the ones you already have. Prioritize them intentionally so they don't slowly disappear. Instead, they can build up.

You can choose to design this part of your life. Be intentional about your friendships, how they look, and how they fit. When you care about them, you make space for them by giving your time, energy, and attention on purpose.

A good girlfriend time, that's where you get the belly laughs and the care, love, and support.

You can always use this as an opportunity to reach out to a friend, to share this with them, and maybe start a conversation.

Until next time, stay dynamic!