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Have you ever tried to create a work-life balance and felt like you were constantly failing? You're not alone. Work-life balance is a myth, and it comes down to how you're measuring it. Back in 2010, I was unhappy with my work. I'd checked so many boxes, but felt unsatisfied and unhappy. In this blog, we’ll look at the problem with work-life balance, the tools & what I learned that really changed the game for me and can do the same for you.  The Problem with Work-Life Balance The traditional idea: we've got work on one side, we've got life on the other. But the problem is that life is much more complex than just two categories. Actually, life is everything, and work is just one of the 10 areas. This was first brought to my attention in 2010, when I started working with a coach. I was shown the Wheel of Life and could see clearly the different areas of life (eight in her wheel). Since then, I go through it at least every quarter (10 areas in mine), and I have learned to use this professional coaching tool with my clients in our first session, and at the start of all my programs. Often, we try to achieve balance. But when work is just one of the 10 areas, we'll never balance it. The Equal Division Trap When I work with clients, I often see them trying to divide their time equally. We have 24 hours in a day: eight hours at work or in our business, eight hours sleeping, and the other eight hours are spent getting to work, having dinner, having lunch, wrapping up the day, maybe doing some hobbies and time with others. I remember working with one client who felt so guilty when she needed to work more. She was saying, "I don't have work-life balance." But when there's something happening in the business, like when you're launching something, preparing for a talk, building something new, or you just gained a bunch of clients at one time, you feel like, "I'm not balancing my work and my life." The realization for her was that the problem wasn't the number of hours worked. The problem was that other areas of her life were not getting her energy and attention. Her marriage wasn't, her kids weren't, and her ability to have fun wasn't. What I often see in business owners is that balance isn't about equal hours between work and life. It's about feeling fully satisfied in all areas. The first areas that will go when you're busy and not balancing things out are fun and recreation, and your health. I often see people not taking time off or working through their time off (weekends, evenings), not seeing friends, not enjoying hobbies or anything else that would bring them fun in that area. Life Has More Than Two Categories There are 10 areas of my Wheel of Life:
I split Personal Development into two areas because people who are spiritual or religious needed a place for that area. I'm a Christian and putting it in the Personal Development area wasn't enough. I also split Friends and Family because people would say, "My family life is good, but my friends aren't," or "My friends are good, but my family isn't." Two different numbers, so I split that area. Success vs. Satisfaction What I realized was that I was measuring life according to my success, not my satisfaction.  We measure our lives according to success most of the time:
It's like this checklist of to-dos. Instead, we need to measure life according to satisfaction. I was saying, "Well, because my success level is very high, I therefore should be happy. But why am I not?" I didn't dare talk to people about it because I thought, "I'm so privileged, I'm so successful. How dare I share that I'm unhappy?" But the truth is, when you measure your life by your own satisfaction, you start to see where the gaps are and how to be happier more easily. So I started asking myself: “How am I doing in all areas of life?” Not based on success, but based on satisfaction. It's really important for balance to look at the whole picture, not just work and life, because you will never, ever be balanced with just two. Balance Changes with Seasons Life moves in seasons. Priorities shift naturally. Earlier on, before kids, my time was my own. My marriage could take a higher priority. My business could. My health could too. As soon as I had kids, so much of my time was allotted to them. Seasons might include:
I can remember many times in my life where things felt off. It's not that anything was technically wrong (success was good), but now I know that if I feel off, it's probably because one or two areas of my life have been neglected. When I do this activity with my clients, and we go through the Wheel of Life, it's such a bird's-eye view. I always have my clients go through it every quarter, or anytime they feel off, because it tells you very quickly where your satisfaction is lacking and which areas have been neglected. When you look at it, rather than going "Oh, my success sucks in these areas," it's more like "Oh, hey, I'm not as satisfied in those areas. This probably means these certain neglected areas need some more of my attention." The reality is that some areas just can't be made better or more successful; maybe there's strife in the family, or you want a different house, and you're saving up for the next one, but you can still be satisfied with your progress. The key thing is: balance is dynamic. It's constantly shifting and changing. It's not fixed. If we try to maintain how things used to be, while other areas now have higher demands, it could be challenging. Imagine I still tried to do the exact same in my marriage, business, house, health, fun, and finances pre-kids, and then do the exact same post-kids. It wouldn't work. There are just not enough hours in the day. Adjusting the Dials Rather than balancing on a scale between this and that, it's more like dials on a soundboard.  When things are rough in one area, or it's a busy season for a client of mine, I'll say, "Okay, we're going to go into maintenance mode. Where do we need to adjust the dials?"
Some go up, some come down. Some need more attention, and some can just be where they are. If that’s the case, you can also tell your friends, "Hey, I'm going into a heavy season. I won't see you as much, but I care about you, and we'll just have to have shorter chats or get togethers." Because it's not fixed, our balance in life gives us that opportunity to just adjust the dials when needed. We all have a finite amount of energy, time, and resources. A Simple Balance Check-In Ask yourself:
Maybe areas are being neglected, but it doesn't matter, and you don't care because you're still happy and satisfied in those areas. But once you know: "Oh yeah, my health's been neglected, and I really need to get more sleep or move my body," or "I haven't had fun forever, and that's really a downer. I'm working way too much." You can then come up with a solution. For example, I can call on a friend and go out. I can get out the watercolour paints and have a bit of fun. I can go for a walk, spend time reflecting, do something creative, or pick up a new hobby. Even small adjustments can help you create some balance. The Truth About Balance While work-life balance is a myth, it is possible to create more dynamic balance in your life. Remember:
Balance isn't about dividing your time equally between work, life, and sleep. It's about making sure the important areas of your life still have space to exist, so that you can feel balanced and satisfied. If this is making you think, "Wow, I wish I could go through the Wheel of Life with Diane," then reach out to me: [email protected]. Until next time, stay dynamic!
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