Your December Survival Guide: Feeling Good Instead of Overwhelmed

We are a couple of weeks into December, still a ways away from Christmas, but are you already starting to feel overwhelmed? 

I understand because we, as women, carry the majority of the holiday load. Frankly, we carry the majority of the mental load all year, and it's not because we want to. It's because it's expected, assumed, often invisible, and the only other people who get it are other women carrying this holiday load.

This is not about managing your calendar or finding more time in your day. It's your December Survival Guide, and I am your little elf here to support you so that you can actually feel good this season instead of overwhelmed. You deserve to feel good in December and at Christmas time, not just get through it or survive it.

The Reality of December

Most women move through December thinking, "I have to get it all done. Where's my list of things to do, my list of things that make magic for my kids, the list of places to go, the list of presents to buy?”

There are so many things, and meanwhile, your inner world gets pushed aside, gets forgotten. There's no space for you.

This is about reclaiming your calm, your joy, your sanity in a month that easily takes more than it gives. It's not about doing more. I'm not going to tell you any hacks about fitting more in. It's more about choosing differently.

The Real Holiday Labor Load

The real holiday labour load falls on women. Women take on so much of the emotional labour of the season: managing family dynamics, remembering traditions, making new traditions, maintaining harmony, managing everyone's mood. Women are three times more likely to report feeling overwhelmed by holiday responsibilities.

This is why on Mother's Day, women just want to be left alone. We just want no one to need us. It'd be nice if people waited on us hand and foot, if we could just sip a cup of hot coffee or tea, read a book, do what we want to do.

All of these facts reinforce something: your exhaustion. It's not personal, it's structural. It's based on how society has been and the expectations that fall on us.

What Actually Causes December Overwhelm

It's not the decorations (though we're the ones that put them up) or the dinners (though we're often the ones that make it). It's the invisible expectations:

• Saying yes to events, to people's houses, to volunteering out of guilt.
  
• Feeling responsible for every family member's and friend's happiness, including teachers and all the people we buy extra gifts for.
  
• Trying to keep traditions alive when your energy says,  "I don't have it in me".
  
• Carrying the emotional temperature of not just every person, but every gathering you're at.
  
• Over-functioning so that no one else has to, always 10 steps ahead thinking: Do they have their water bottle? Do they have their meds? Will they be happy where they're sitting?
  
• The pressure of being thoughtful: making cookies rather than buying them, writing little notes, specially wrapping presents rather than putting them in bags with some tissue.
  

This is where women lose themselves.

The December Survival Framework

Here's the strategy to help you navigate this month feeling grounded, not drained.

1. Choose the Experience You Want

Most people ask, "What do I need to get done this month?" Instead, ask: What do I want December to feel like?

Mine was magical and cozy (and with cozy goes calm). Here are some other answers: peaceful, simple, joyful, connected, warm, slow, playful.

Let these feelings guide your choices, guide your yeses, and guide what you put in your calendars.

2. Do Less on Purpose

Feeling good requires intentional subtraction. In order to feel good, we must intentionally subtract things from our list.

I'm intentionally subtracting already in December. Last night, I chose to skip a holiday party and do dinner with my family. Today, I chose to not go to a networking event, but to write this. This intentional subtraction doesn't make you lazy, it makes you wise.

Examples of Intentional Subtraction:

• Fewer events: Pick and choose, or leave early/arrive later for more buffer time between commitments.
  
• Simplified meals: For our Christmas dinner I do packaged gravy, boxed stuffing and canned cranberry jelly. Without shame. The only things I cook from scratch are turkey, mashed potatoes, and brussels sprouts. My vegetables are frozen. If you have the means to purchase a pre-done meal, go for it. AND don't be afraid to ask people to bring dishes potluck-style.
  
• Smaller gift list: This year my brother's family and my family agreed we're not doing gifts. My son’s class parent lead offered to do something for the teacher, so I sent the money. Yeah!
  
• Delegate tasks: My husband puts the lights up. My kids put decorations on the tree.
  
• Eliminate outdated traditions: Our tradition was an advent calendar with things to do every day. I decided to just not do it this year and instead write a few fun things on the calendar.
  
• Do good enough instead of perfect: Chocolate chip cookies instead of elaborate ones with piped icing. Or just buy them.
  

You can choose simplicity without choosing guilt.

3. Create a Grounding Ritual

Do some sort of grounding ritual every single day at the start of the day to stabilize your entire month:

• 10-minute morning movement like yoga or a walk
  
• Quiet coffee alone
  
• Meditation, devotional or prayer
  
• Journaling
  
• Stretching
  
• Reading
  
• Puzzling
  
• No plans at night, just relaxing
  

These small rituals help you regulate your nervous system and maintain peace and calm, so you can stay steady throughout the month.

Why Women Struggle to Feel Good

There are emotional roots: guilt, obligation, pressure to be the glue in the family, fear of disappointing others, avoiding conflict, and internalized responsibility.

I can remember one Christmas, all this pressure for everything. People were complaining about going to church on Christmas Eve, complaining about what we were having to eat. The next morning, I was doing all this dinner prep by myself. I asked for help and no one jumped into action. I started to cry. I turned the stove off and went to my room.  I needed a break, a moment where I released all the stress and pressure to make it wonderful. I decided, "Christmas will be what it is."

I came back out, had a real heart-to-heart with my family, and they stepped up. We made it a good day. 

We can break old family patterns. We maybe want to be that reliable one, that thoughtful one, that one that has everything together, but we don't have to be. Not only that, but we don't have to believe that rest or simplicity makes us selfish or that we don't have time for it, because we do, and we have to prioritize it.

What Happens If You Don't

If you continue to let the pressure build, let December overwhelm you:

• You will be exhausted (it'll become the norm all month and into January)
  
• Your joy or magic will diminish
  
• Your needs will disappear
  
• Resentment will build
  
• You'll start the new year already drained
  
• You'll pick goals that aren't as high and aren't as expanded as you would have picked had you been rested
  

The holidays don't need to feel like a performance. They should be about enjoying the moment and making a memory. You deserve a December that nourishes you, not empties you.

Your Feel Good December Plan

Here are three simple, doable, powerful questions:

1. What's the feeling you want to lead with this month? Then make decisions based on that feeling. If it was magic, joy, peace, or calm, ask yourself: Is this thing going to help me get that?

2. What is one thing you're going to do less of? Where can you use strategic elimination or intentional subtraction? What can you take off your plate?

3. What is one ritual you're going to keep daily and weekly? What will help you stay grounded and nourished?

These three things are your personal December Survival Guide and really your survival guide anytime you're entering a stressful time.

Remember

You don't have to earn your rest. You don't have to carry all the responsibility or the mental load. And you don't need a perfect holiday to have a meaningful one.

You deserve a December that feels good, not overwhelming.

Share this with a friend who needs to hear this message, so they can chill out a little bit and have a great December as well.

Until next time, stay dynamic!