Have you ever felt like you've given your power away? Maybe you didn't even know you were doing it until someone pointed it out.
That happened to me recently, but you know what, you can stop giving all your power away.
What is “IT”
I didn't give you specifics in this blog title because I didn't want the IT that I felt or happened to me recently to be the thing that stops you from reading.
Here are some examples of what that IT could be (what we could be giving our power to).
It can be:
How IT showed up in my soccer team
I saw someone on my soccer team give their power away to an opponent. The person on the other team was being lippy. If you're in competitive sports, you know people try to get under your skin and when they can get under your skin, it throws you off your game because you're so focused on them and…
His can cause you to not play your game as you normally would. In walking off the field, a player on my team was really giving away her power by talking about all the things about this opponent, instead of resting and/or being in the moment of camaraderie around how well we did that first half. She was complaining.
Instead of listening to the coach with the strategy for the next half, she was not just complaining, but oozing negativity, and it was starting to impact me to the point where I said, “I get it. You're frustrated. But let's leave that on the field and let's start fresh here.”
How IT happened to me recently
Now that's not what happened to me recently. But this is how someone in a certain situation could give away their power. Maybe you give away your power to someone who puts you down.
You give away your power, and you don't show up powerfully at that moment.
What was shocking for me is the thing that I was giving my power away to on this particular morning was a piece of glass, a little bit of digital electronics, and some metal.
I was giving my power away to a scale.
Now for some of you, you know that I've been on this health journey. To give you a timeline:
On May 5th, I hurt my knee. I tore my lateral meniscus while playing soccer. The sport that I've played since I was probably four. I love it so much. One of the only things that we can really do for this type of injury is to strengthen the muscles around it, do physio, and lose weight. The other option is just don't play soccer anymore. For me, that's just not an option. I just love it too much, and I gave up rugby earlier than I wanted to.
On June 5th, I decided that I would start working with a coach. Her name's Nicole Doumont. (If you want a personal introduction, I can give that to you. If you want to just reach out to her, just say I sent you so that she knows you're one of my connections, and she'll treat you extra special.) I started working with a coach because I believe that if we really want something in our lives, we need to work with a coach to get there. I know what to eat. I know what to do. But she had different strategies for me, accountability, support, acknowledgments, and could troubleshoot for me. She could do all of that.
I started working with her, and I've been on this amazing journey where I've been just getting rid of so much weight. I'm probably down to about 40 pounds now, which is phenomenal. I'm really excited about it. I'm feeling great. I did a podcast episode on how I lost 20 pounds, but I think by the time that came out, I lost another five pounds.
But anyway, just a few weeks ago, on Thursday, I had Pilates and soccer practice. Then on Friday night, I had a soccer game, and then we did a double that weekend, so back to back games. We played then on Sunday morning. At the end of Friday's game, both my calves seized muscle cramps, and I had to go off at the last minute.
I was very worried that I wouldn't be able to play on Sunday. I was very scared about that like, “Oh my gosh, how can I physically do this? Can my knee handle something else, a fourth thing in such a short period of time?” It was actually great. I had an amazing game. I did so well. I was so proud of myself.
Now, this is based on my limited capacity right now. I was really happy with how I did in spite of my knee. So, where did I give my power away?
Well, I had started feeling great physically and athletically. I came home and I went and grabbed my kids, and we cleaned up all the leaves at the front of our house. Then I went and helped my daughter clean her room. I was high on endorphins. Life was good. I was feeling good about myself. I had hope again - hope that I could do well at soccer. Then I woke up in the morning, the scale said I gained three pounds.
What? But I exercised?
What? But I did all these extra things.
What is going on?
I am physically getting better and stronger. My knee is not inhibiting me as much. How come I gained weight?
I was so pissed. I was upset. I was frustrated.
At first, it was frustration and anger, and then it turned into sadness, complete sadness for how I jumped up again. There was a special number that I crossed over. It was like a goal of mine to cross over this specific number, and I got back over that number.
I was really upset, and I came down and my husband was home and I hugged him and I just started crying. I went from such a high to such a low that I messaged Nicole, “I went up yesterday, and today I'm over again. Is this because I over-exercised?” and I shared about the different things. “That's the only difference from the plan. I'm still working on having more water, getting better sleep, and these have never affected my weight previously. And so what's going on? Is there a whoosh coming?” (Whoosh means a big drop)
She thanked me for being open with her. This is again why it's good to have a coach so you can go and bring your mess to them. She said, “Definitely could have been overexercising.” I did actually end up missing a meal too. I didn't skip a meal on purpose. I missed a meal just based on the timing and I said, “Yeah, you know, I felt so great yesterday at soccer. Maybe it was so much soccer in the four days. I thought my knee wouldn't be good, but it was, and it gave me hope for the future.”
The other thing I was proud of myself for is that our soccer coach on Friday night bought pitchers of beer and I didn't touch them. I had club soda and lime and, my team members had chicken wings and nachos and fries. I didn't have any of that. I had a salad and a burger wrapped in lettuce. I was so frustrated. It made me think (this is where we get in the screw-it mentality), “Why did I bother not having beer on Friday since I gained weight anyway?”
It makes us have these doubts. When we give the power to something, it makes us doubt ourselves, potentially we’ll get off of course. One thing that she said to me was, “Don't give the scale all the power.”
I said, “Don't give the scale all the power. Hell yeah!” Okay, I've snapped out of it. I realized I was giving this digital number on a piece of glass, plastic, and metal the power. Like, what the hell? I have dropped over 30 pounds. I'm feeling better. I just had an amazing weekend of sports. Give the power to the progress!
What is your IT
I ask you now, what is IT for you? Where are you giving your power away?
What happens when we give up this power? It stops you from making progress. I was ready to say screw it. I was so ticked. Like what's the point, right? I got into a little pity party with myself.
When you give away your power, it stops you from believing in yourself. It can take away hope. It can make you say, “Screw it.” It can make you give up. It could have pushed me to go and binge. It’s not what I would normally do. But it might make me go on to say, “I'm going to eat everything because it doesn't matter.” I’d give up on my goal.
What can we do so we don't get into this place of giving away all of our power?
#1: We ask ourselves, “Where do I give away my power?”
Or the question could be:
Sometimes I feel like I'm dumbing myself down in rooms where people are very successful because I feel like I've still so much to learn, but so do they. I maybe don't stand in my brilliance. I don't own the successes that I've had.
#2: When you figure out where you’re giving your power away, also ask yourself, “What is that costing me?”
For me, if I really fed into this, this could have cost me my progress. It could have cost me a few weeks. It could have cost me this whole goal of losing weight and being able to play soccer.
#3: Ask yourself, “Where do I want to put my power instead?”
Hopefully, the answer is yourself.
#4: The next question is, “What am I going to do about it?
Now that I know this… now that I have this information, what am I going to do about it?
If you're in a position of giving your power away, I really hope you have someone like Nicole - a coach or someone who can call you out and say,
I've had moments in my life where I've had people badmouth me. People talk behind my back. Not get promotions. Am I going to give that all the power? No.
Have you ever had someone say “no” to you when you are trying to sell? Have you ever had someone choose to hire someone else when you know you're better? Have you ever missed out on an opportunity? Yeah, but that doesn't mean that that takes all of your power away.
Instead, it should fuel you. The word coming out of your mouth is “Next”.
For me, it was “Next day”. Next day, and next day, and next day, and next day where I'm choosing to have a healthier life. Because I know it's what I want.
Usually, when you give your power away, it is not for things that you want. I encourage you to take a hard look at every area of your life, every situation, every person, and ask yourself:
What I wish for you is that those around you actually boost your power and evolve your power.
There's a thing that Brendon Burchard said when I was at his Experts Academy, “Power plants don't have energy, they create it.” So the same thing you can think about is maybe you feel like you don't have the power. Well, power plants don't have the power, they generate it themselves. They create it.
What I encourage you to do is if you're feeling a little bit powerless, is to start generating power for yourself. Make those strong decisions. Even if it's, “What am I having for breakfast?” Rather than an energy of, “I don’t know, maybe I'll see what someone else is having.” Why don't you just decide? Tap into what you want, and choose to have that for yourself.
Stop giving “it” all the power, whatever “it” is. Don't give your power away and step into what you really want.
I trust that there are some points here that made sense for you. I would love to see that in a comment or if it's a little bit too personal, feel free to reach out firstname.lastname@example.org and let me know how this blog impacted you.
P.S. A place I love to hang out, go live, and ask cool questions is my Dynamic Women Global Community Facebook Group. I’d love for you to be a part of that group! It’s free to join. :)
Read my other blogs:
Get Goaled! Coaching Mastermind
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