In my last blog, I talked about the seven problems in our culture that are holding you back from your happiness. Now, I am going to share the things that we do. Once you start tackling these things, you're going to be able to clear space and find more satisfaction in life.
Number 1: We fail to put ourselves on our list
The list of what? The list of priorities, the list of items that are a need or a want to be able to have a fulfilling life. That’s the key.
I recently hung out with a bunch of really successful professionals. They are amazing, smart, kind, and giving women who when asked the question of “What are your personal goals?” had no friggin idea! None at all.
I'm not blaming them. It's just sad. It is sad that there are still so many people out there who have no idea (men, kids, adults included) who still don't know what brings them joy, what they should do for fun.
People come to me and I look at their whole lives, and we talk about satisfaction in every area of life. Fun and recreation is often neglected. The health side is often neglected. And we're doing it to ourselves, as well as not seeing where society does it to us.
Number 2: We fail to live according to our values
I don't mean morals. I mean values. The things that make us tick. The things that give us our energy, our mojo, our resonance. When we are honoring our values, we’re in alignment.
I do a Values Discovery Session, helping you figure out your values. You can't do it yourself. You need someone else to be looking in and asking you questions. But once you figure that out, you're going to know where you're aren’t honouring your values and who is dishonouring your values.
When you're in alignment, you have energy. When you're OUT of alignment, you feel a void of energy. It feels like you're pushing and you can be so tired and overwhelmed from it.
Number 3: We fail to give to ourselves first
We give others the opportunity to have food, to have rest, or to have sleep. As nurturers, we give before we receive and make sure everyone else is good. I don't know how many times:
We don't give to ourselves first even though you all know that analogy around, “You have to put your own oxygen mask on first.”
Number 4: We don't get support to make it happen
We often say to ourselves:
You are, but you can have support to make all of these things happen. You can have support to figure out what you want. You don't need to do or know everything yourself.
It's okay to hire a coach, a counselor, a psychologist, or psychiatrist, someone to support you in this, as well as all the health side of things: a naturopath, a homeopath, a chiropractor, a massage therapist. Whatever you need to support you in your growth. It's okay to get help!
Number 5: We do not take care of our own needs all the time
We wait. We put it off. This was very apparent to me when I’d been home working all day. I might have had one child at home at the time as well. Or I brought them to daycare and back or my other child to school and back and then I'm home and making dinner and I'm cleaning up and everyone comes in and then my husband disappears!
I'm like, “Where did he go?” He just walked in the door. The kids need attention. I'd like some help, and he disappeared. Then I hear the water running. He went to have a shower. I was so shocked. Why? Because I would never dare have a shower now because there's dinner that needs to be made, the house needs to be picked up, the kids need our attention, and he needs my attention.
I'm going to shower when all of that is done and the kids are in bed and lunches are packed and maybe laundry has been folded.
I realized that I was not taking care of my needs and I saw how I could learn so much from him. I needed to learn that it's okay:
How funny that I was pissed at first, but now I'm grateful that his action of simply going to have a shower gave me permission to take care of my own needs like he was.
Number 6: We fail to ask better questions of ourselves and of others
We don't ask ourselves:
What if these questions were more common at parties and get-togethers rather than, “What do you do?” being the topic.
What if one of these were the first question we ask people rather than “What do you do?” because “What do you do for fun?” “What do you enjoy? What brings you joy?” That's something that will carry through your whole life. But “What you do?” isn't always something that will be there forever.
Number 7: We fail to listen to our intuition
It is talking to you. It is telling you what you need. It is sharing with you what you desire.
If we listen to our intuition, that little voice, a little positive voice that is answering these questions or giving us nudges, we'd be happier.
For example, I kept getting nudges around drumming. The kind where you hold a drum between your legs and hit it. I thought about it a lot and mentioned it to clients. I eventually took African drumming. I took the course every Sunday afternoon. I would go and I would do African drumming with a circle of other people all learning it. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be. I thought I could just whack it and you can't because there are techniques to it.
What are your little intuition pieces telling you? You have opportunities when you listen to your intuition.
Another example is following my intuition when picking my courses for university. I was flipping through the Course Guide and for some reason, the Japanese course was something that I was drawn to. I heard the little voice saying, “I want to do that.” There was something pushing me to do it. At the end of my four years of university, I loved all things Japanese. I loved the language so much that I went on an adventure to Japan for not just one year, but three!
Now it’s your turn!
Over the next 24 hours, I encourage you to listen to the little voice. The little voice may be saying:
That little voice is helping you out.
I feel super passionate about this. I want you to be able to answer the question of “What do you like to do?”
If you were a client of mine and we were working together through this right now, I would probably do a values exercise to help you find your values. I'd go through the Wheel of Life so we could find out exactly what you are wanting. I would take you through some exercises so you not only have clarity, but are excited and motivated and you have a plan!
If you want to delve into this further, if the answer to this question is eluding you, or you're not quite sure if you have the right answer, I really encourage you to reach out.
Let's have a chat. Let's see how I can support you. Why bother? Because there's a piece of you that wants more. That there's going to be a time when you're not so busy (the kids leave, you have more time or space, or you earn enough money so you don't need to work anymore). How are you going to fill your time and space? How are you going to get right in tune with yourself?
Read my other related blogs here:
1. Seven Problems Holding YOU Back from Your Happiness
2. Want more success? Then pull up your big girl panties!
3. How successful women replace BAD habits with GOOD Ones
Have you ever had that urgency where you’ve got to make an extra $500, $1000 or even $10000?
You may think:
You tell yourself, “It’s impossible to do it QUICKLY? I don’t know I will raise that kind of money.”
You still can feel these negatives around it, and you can still struggle.
Why is this an issue for most people
I’ve seen people struggle. This came up very recently with a client of mine. I also have had clients in the past, people I’ve met in my masterminds, and even people who’ve come up to me after different events I was speaking at.
It's so easy to get overwhelmed, to think how could I possibly make $500 or $2000 in like 10 working days, five working days, whatever it may be.
This was my situation about 4 years ago, at a time when I really wanted to hire this high-level coach. I was upping my game, but I'd never put out over $10,000 for a coach before. At just over $13K US and then it was over $17k to work with this coach. I really wanted to do, it would be worth very penny. It was a great investment for my business. The solution I’m going to give you came from that moment.
When you feel overwhelmed, you're not going to be able to get focused at all. You're not going to be able to go for it. Overwhelm puts you in that fight or flight. That stressed place. Creativity is gone. Focus is gone. The fog comes in… so do two culprits:
What do you do? Oftentimes, nothing. Otherwise, you're procrastinating, right?
The issue is, you're not coming up with a plan. When you are running a business, you need to have a plan. You need to have a system and a process that you go through.
The System and Process I would use
The system and process I’m giving you now may seem super basic, but it works. This is like the tip of the iceberg. I'm not going super deep into it, just give you an overview of this concept so that you can go and apply it.
I want you to be able to be thinking about, “How do I put this together?” Not “This is hard, I can’t.”
FIRST STEP: Break it down
Ask yourself: “In my business, what is the fastest way to cash?” “What is the fastest way I can get a customer, a client, a patient, or a company to purchase something from me?”
The following are examples of actions you can do that can be fastest to cash:
However, there are actions that may NOT be the fastest way to cash. For example, starting a podcast or writing a book.
Doing these things that have a longer game to them that take a longer nurture sequence is not fastest to cash. That is a nurturing process that happens over time that will eventually bring in some cash flow for you.
So how do you do it? Find what is fastest to cash for you, think of some of those ideas. You really want to be breaking it down into how you're going to get this money earned.
Let's look at this example.
If you needed $10,000, what you could do is sell 10,000 units or products at $1 apiece. Now, is that really good for your time? Probably not. It takes a heck of a long time to sell 10,000 products to 10,000 different people, right? You probably need 10,000 clients or at least 5000 clients where everyone buys two.
Let's break it down in another way.
Could you sell 1000 products at $10 apiece? It could be a workbook, a mug, or a smaller product that you would sell. Now you need 1000 customers to buy a $10 product.
Let’s break it down into another option.
You could choose a $100 product to sell to 100 people. Are we starting to see how this is a little bit more doable? Could you potentially sell to 100 people in two weeks? Yeah, you totally could. Selling to 10,000 people a $1 item that's a little bit harder. It depends on what your reach is.
If you have a really good reach or your item would be something your client could buy lots of, like a pen, then a dollar item could be a good idea. You have to see what your product is and how you would sell it.
Let's go to the next level.
Could you take a $1,000 product and sell 10 of them? You totally could. That would make sense.
Let's go to a higher level.
How about an even easier option? Do you have a $10,000 product that you would only need to sell one of them? You only have to sell one! Could you find one buyer in 10 days to buy a $10,000 product? Now depending on what you do, you really have to look at this and think:
Client’s $4000 sales
I did this recently with a client. She needed to make $4000 in sales. I asked her, “Do you want to be selling the $4 product or do you want to be selling the $40 product?”
Do you see the difference? Think of how many fewer customers she has to find. That $40 product helped her feel, “This is doable. The fastest to cash option for me is to put a bundle together of $40 for 100 people to buy in the two-week period to get $4000 in sales.” That made so much more sense for a $4 product.
Or how about this one? How about 40 people spend $200? That's probably a little bit more easier depending on your product. That would have been another option for her.
SECOND STEP: Choose how do you want to do it
You break it down, and you figure out how you want to do it. For example, if I'm selling x amount of products, then how do I want to sell them?
Figure out the avenue. Don't pick too many because you want to be able to actually get it done.
If you don't know anything about the option (ex. Facebook ads), it’s not the best choice. Unless you have someone in your network you can easily pay to bang that out and get it going.
This is the thing that I see people screwing up on all the time. You've made this commitment, “I want to make $1k, $4K whatever it may be.
Then you start doing other stuff. You're like:
Cut everything else out. You have one goal. Now, this is not how you're going to be every second of every day, but if you have an immediate need for $, everything else needs to go to the wayside.
Let me go back to my example.
It was December where I've got birthdays for both my kids, I have two other family birthdays and Christmas.
So this is what else happened that one specific December. I go to an event, and I buy a $17k+ coaching package (Worth every single penny. I totally beIieve that.) But I'm like, “Man, I don't want to get a credit card bill that is going to be probably 20 grand because I have other business expenses and many gifts on it.”
And I'm doing the full pay option because I'm all in and I'm getting this done rather than the payment plan. That's just the way I like to do it. I like to save money by doing it all at once. I thought, “I have to pay for this ASAP. I'm not pulling from my savings and not pulling from a bank account. I got to pay for this from what I've made.”
In that moment, I was like, “Okay, in 10 days, I'm going to run an event. Get as many people in there as possible, and I'm going to offer them something.” I thought, “Am I going to offer an $8,000 program to a big room?” No, that I haven't had time to build up that relationship with them.
“Am I going to sell 100 $200 products?” I could but I don't have 100 people in the room so that's not going to happen. Instead what I did is I thought I need about 12 people to buy about a $1500 product so that I can pay this off right away.
Now, as I was going into it, I thought, “No, instead I'm going to change this. I'm going to make it $1,000 and I'm going to sell like 17 of them.”
At the end of the day, I sold 18. I actually made money. Now, obviously, I still have to put my time into delivering the product. I still have expenses in delivering that product. However, my credit card bill was covered. That investment in that coach was covered.
What did I do? I used the steps, what is fastest to cash? Fastest to cash for me is a coaching package. Then, I'm going to break it down. How do I want to do it? I'm going to do a $1,000 product and have 17 people buy.
Then, how do I want to do it? I'm going to fill a room with people and hold an event. I had 74 people register in those 10 days. I had 63 show up, which is really high show up rate. Of that, I had 18 purchases. Perfect, right?
What did I do? I had to cut everything else out. Why? Because I had a bill to pay. Why? Because I had an event to run. Why? Because I had to prepare my offer. I had to prepare my package. I had to prepare my content. I had to market to get everyone there. I had to be on point for when I was showing up there. I had one opportunity to sell.
Now granted, yes, I would have many more opportunities after to nurture and follow up. But I wanted it done that day. I didn't want that on my mind.
In your mind, do you feel it is too much stress to have it all on one event, one home party, one online cooking class, one webinar, one masterclass, one training? Is that too much pressure for you? Then pull it back.
Give yourself that time and space. You could:
You have to be laser-focused when you want to achieve a financial goal in a short amount of time. It is doable. To make money in a short amount of time you must believe that it is doable, and you have to focus on it. You have to get into action. Getting into action is going to build the confidence that you need to actually pull it off. And choose that breakdown of how many products for how much money. Something that is doable for you potentially or a bit of a stretch, but make sure that it's the doable one.
What I love doing that with my clients is:
Now you may not look at me or think of me as a sales and marketing coach. I'm not saying I specialize in it. I will never say that, but I'm a business coach who can do strategy. Why? Because that's what I do in my own business and as you can see I can do it well.
If you want to have one of these “Fastest to Cash Strategy Sessions” with me where we figure out how you can get the fastest to cash in a short amount of time, then go to https://bit.ly/FastestToCashSession. By the end you’ll have the clarity on the right approach, the confidence in the strategy and the plan to actually go for it, so you can get great results.
Have you ever thought of writing a book or being in a book? Do you know that saying “Yes” to an amazing opportunity could change your life forever? In this blog, I'm going to be sharing a little story from a client of mine who said “Yes” to an opportunity.
The opportunity was being in a collaborative book with me and other top thought leaders, experts, and dynamic women who are doing well in their industry or have a really cool story or experience to share.
Every year, I put out a Dynamic Women anthology or collaborative book, a compilation of stories that I've curated from amazing women. The first book was Dynamic Women® Success Secrets. All the women were sharing stories and secrets on success in whatever industry they're in, or whatever part of life they want to share from.
Now, when I was working on the second book, the Dynamic Women® Confidence Secrets, I reached out to my authors to ask if they wanted to share the feelings they had in writing their piece or their experience in writing for the book.
I really wanted to include some stories from these authors in one of my presentations coming up at a summit.
The Response was so Touching
What I said in the post was, “I really want to feature and highlight some of you. I'm also looking for authors who are appreciative of the opportunity to be in the book and how it has enhanced your life or helped you reach some success.” The response I got from one of the authors was just so very touching.
One of the ladies said, “Hey, I really want to share because I thank you every day when I sit down to write my own book. My belief in myself and my ability to write has grown from that first seed planted by having the opportunity to share in the Dynamic Women Success Secrets book.”
That was such a rewarding message to receive. She said that she was going to send me a letter explaining this even further. And what was really cool was I didn't expect the extensive and deep response that I got.
Planting a seed
But first of all, I want you to think, have you had someone plant a seed, just kind of drop a little idea or a little nudge to get you going in that direction?
Maybe you think you couldn't do it yourself. Maybe you're currently in that situation where you're thinking, “Oh my gosh, do I take the leap? Do I do it? Do I go for it?”
Read her letter. Then, you can come up with your own answer of should if you do it or not.
From Paula Kent:
“I had always dreamt of writing a book; I found joy in reading aloud when I was little. A secret activity allowing me to share in the words and to experience how my favourite authors pieced together the stories that captivated me.
I imagined I could join their ranks, to write a great story, but fear and my own self-doubt locked away my hopes. I pushed it down, not wanting to risk others telling me I couldn't do it, and to be honest, taking any step to bring my dream back into the light scared me.
It was my choice to enter graduate school, which had me pull that dream out of hiding. While I was writing in an academic style, the action of thought generation and word choice dusted off the childhood dream, and I once again found that spark joy. Yet, I never polished that dream; it was enough to write for school. To go deeper into that dream never occurred to me, an unspoken and unrealized fear held me back.
It was an email that changed all that, one email inviting me to find out more, and participate in an anthology and share my success secrets. Thoughts rocketed around in my mind; success? Write? What? It was the idea that Diane thought I had something to share, more than any inner confidence that led me to attend that first information session. What I heard excited me; my dream of writing and of being an author, oh it grew legs and burst wide open. Just imagining that someone would read my words, it was an intoxicating pull. I joined, so happy to have received the opportunity… and then self- doubt arrived.
Self-doubt reigned, joined by fear; the gamut of emotions was intense, almost paralyzing me. But now that the dream was out in the open; I kept coming back to it. I would sit with my vision, thinking about writing and imagining how it would feel to hold a book in my hand. A book that contained my words, a small piece of my truth, and I knew that I had to write something or else that dream would disappear, and this time it might not come. That was my motivation – the fear of losing my dream again. As a child when we don't follow our dreams, they go to sleep, they will stick around and stay with us. As an adult, when the dream is staring at you, if you don't walk forward through your fears, it might just leave for good. That was my motivation. I couldn't risk losing my dream again.
So I wrote, too many words, many many iterations, and my computer trash grew. When it happen, when I found the idea which resonated, I didn't have to chase it; it flowed.
The day I picked up the Success Secrets was sunny and glorious, I cried tears of joy and of pride at what I had contributed. I also knew that I wanted to experience it again. My trajectory changed. I am living my dream - I am currently writing my first book.”
Wasn’t that amazing to read?! I might have shed a tear and my heart was bursting with pride and joy. Now, it’s your turn.
Questions to ask yourself
I ask you:
I don't usually share a letter from someone else. I don't share someone else's words. At least not to that extent, maybe just a quote or two.
But this woman, this author once and soon to be twice, she said “Yes”.
She didn't let that die. She didn't ignore it. She listened. And key thing, she took action.
I ask you to look at your life and think, “Am I saying YES to the deep things that I want or am I settling? Am I too afraid to go for what I want? Or are there people around me that could help me?”
All you need to do today is to say “Yes.”
Just say yes and claim it.
You're going to hear more of this woman. I know it. I'm seeing the growth that she's having. Paula Kent will have her book published in a few weeks.
If you want to say “Yes”
If you…also have a profound story of how you've said “Yes” to someone giving you an opportunity or said “Yes” to a seed that was planted.
If you…want to be able to say “Yes”.
If you…want to have clarity about what is it that you have to do.
If you…want the confidence to know that you can take that next step.
If you…want to be able to get into action, real action, and be accountable and be able to move forward in an easy and efficient way…
Reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. You may also check out author opportunities at my website if you want to learn more about how to easily be an author with my team’s help.
Just say yes and you never know where it may take you!
Have you ever thought, “Maybe I should be taking on more… maybe I should be doing more things that scare me?”
American Journalist, Chicago Tribune Columnist, and Pulitzer Prize winner, Mary Schmich, has a quote that I actually live by. She says, “Do one thing every day that scares you."
I absolutely love this quote. It means you're growing since we're often fearful of things that we haven't done or things that stretch us. Be open to new things and change by welcoming one thing every day that scares you. You’ll grow your ability to adapt. You’ll grow or increase your risk tolerance and grow yourself.
Is that always the case?
I want to let you know that I believe that now might not be the time to be doing this. It might be better to pull back on implementing this way of life, at least for me, and maybe it's also true for you.
The world is in a bit of chaos. I’m sure you know what I mean:
We’re changing just generally how we go through life. So much of our way of life is being dictated by the pandemic and by the government.
Psychologists say we're in a mild fight or flight response to life right now, which is causing our adrenal glands to go into overdrive. Our cortisol shoots up. Our bodies feel the stress ALL. THE. TIME.
Unlike other stressors in life that come and go, we get this mild stress through life every day.
This whole idea of doing something each day that scares you can also have the same effect, though it would be a lower dose of stress, depending on the activity, because obviously, skydiving probably doesn't count.
But if you're already feeling off right now, finding that you can't focus, struggling to get things done, and you're overwhelmed easily, listen up. Now is not the time to challenge yourself with what scares you.
It's not even the time to push yourself beyond your limits. It's just not worth the damage it can do to your emotional health, physical body, and even your confidence.
You see a stressed body gets sicker easier because your immune system is down. But you know that. When you're stressed, you have a harder time being creative, visionary, and dealing with obstacles which are three qualities that are helpful when doing something that scares you or even just having a successful life.
Now, how do I know?
Well, I tend to push myself beyond the limits in many situations. This time I figured it out.
Back in July of 2020, I went to Ontario for a scheduled visit. I was already feeling off with the whole COVID-19 situation, and I had to make changes in my business. I was dealing with the kids being home since March and any parent or caregiver knows how hard that is to have them be off AND still run your business.
Then my father went into palliative care. So then added on to everything else, I'm dealing with my father's death approaching. I was unsure of a lot of things:
I basically canceled everything that brought me mental stress. But I went into overdrive with things that stressed my body physically:
It felt good to get my mind off of what was happening. It felt good to still achieve.
And then nine days later, my father passed away. With pushing myself physically, I got a weird rash on my arms and legs. I thought it was poison ivy or poison oak because mom had poison ivy earlier in the spring.
But was it stress?
You see, the places where I was scratched from the berry bushes started up first. But once I was days away from the garden and had cream even for the rash, it continued to spread.
Then I picked up a cold and I had to get tested for coronavirus. Even though it was negative, I wasn’t able to kick the cold symptoms. They just kept lingering.
Now, as a past varsity rugby player and a competitive soccer player, I know the importance of resting a stressed muscle, a rolled ankle, and being kind to my body after a tough game.
But why don't we do this with our emotional health? Because maybe we don't see it? Because it doesn't swell up and hurt the same way? But I know that I would never go and play a game with a broken leg, would you?
You make your own call
If you have life fairly balanced and you want to stretch yourself, then take Mary's quote and do one thing every day that scares you. Or maybe you decide to do it just once a month or once a week.
Again, it's your call.
But if you're feeling overwhelmed, unfocused, and then you can't handle anymore, then don't. Because I won't be for now as I come up to the one year anniversary of my Father’s passing.
I won't be living according to this quote. I won't be taking on things that scare me every day. But trust me, I'll keep assessing when I can because I have so many things that I want to do in this big, beautiful world.
P.S. If you can relate to what I shared today and want to process your emotions more or come up with some really cool things to do that scare you, and have accountability for, reach out to me. You can email me at email@example.com.
Read more of my related blogs here:
Do you feel tired? Do you not feel like yourself? Yes, I’ve experienced that too. I’ll talk about the ONE thing that I do every year that helps me to run on full cylinders.
What happened to me
I’m so passionate about this topic because like most women out there, I tend to push through being tired and not feeling myself. I’m thinking, “I’m a coach! I should be able to get through this, right?” I do motivation tactics, scheduling strategies, have cheerleaders, and use all the other approaches on myself! Nothing could help me! There was something I didn’t know.
This happened after my first child and AGAIN after my second child. It also happened last year. People said to me:
But it got to the point that I was sleeping eight hours a night, and I'm still friggin tired! I’m still not myself!
They’d tell me, “That’s just how it is.” Well, no. It doesn’t have to be how it is. It’s not just about right after kids. Like last year, my children are already six and nine. It definitely wasn't just after kids that I was feeling off.
People told me that maybe I was feeling off because I was dealing with a lot of responsibility at that time and it’s no wonder I was feeling stressed and lacked motivation. I call BS.
Months later, I got on a virtual appointment with a doctor and I was told, “Well, you feel bad because of Coronavirus.”
I'm NOT going to take that as the answer.
More people are suffering from:
So what was it? and what did I do?
Reflecting on how I was acting I realized I was trying to push myself and my body. I was feeling shame and frustration on how I wasn’t able to do what I wanted to do. I feel awkward in conversation, and I just didn't really want to go out and see people. It wasn’t until I saw a Naturopath and got my full blood work done that I got the answer.
With that blood work, I learned that it’s because of low iron, low B, high cortisol, and hormones being off. Getting that answer was such a big relief to know that I wasn't sucking as a person!
I see this in my women clients all the time. They just don't have that spark in life, that mojo about them.
There could be a number of reasons:
When we make those things better and get them in alignment, when that happens and we still don't feel awesome, that's when the focus turns back on ourselves! But we’re afraid to say, “I don't feel like myself. I don't feel amazing. There's something not right here.”
They're suffering. Could it just be fixed with some iron? Could it just be fixed with B vitamins?
I had postpartum depression with both my kids, but I didn't have the right symptoms. I wasn't ready to run out on my family. I wasn't crying all the time. But I felt awkward in conversations, and I didn't feel like myself! I went from organizing tons of stuff to not even caring to go out.
It felt good when the answer came, “You feel like crap because you don't have enough iron, enough B, your cortisol is super high, and your hormones are off.” When I went and got that support after each of my kids, I was like, “Oh really? I’m so relieved!”
I took what I had to take. It doesn’t mean I felt better within 15 minutes. It was a process. I needed to make adjustments with my doctor in order to feel good.
I was back! But I had suffered for a year. Recently, I've been suffering for months. I’m not feeling right, but I was thinking, “Oh it’s because the kids are at home and are frustrating me.”
Then I got my bloodwork done and HOLY MOLY my iron is even lower than last year. It’s crazy low! My doctor said that is why I was feeling off, feeling tired, didn’t have energy, it was hard to focus, I didn’t have my mojo, etc. I’m gaining weight, too!
The fact is if I just take a pill in the morning, a couple of supplements, a couple of vitamins, I'm going to feel way better! And it's true because once I start taking these things, I do feel better.
Why am I telling this to you?
I feel sorry for the people who have other people diminish how they're feeling, and tell them:
They say all this crap. BUT instead, it could just be fixed by getting your blood taken, having some reports run, and then finding out where you're truly at.
It's this place of diminishing how people feel, making them feel like they are wrong for it, and having them push through. If you are not running on full cylinders inside, how do you expect yourself to run on full cylinders on the outside?
The original reason why I went to the Naturopath was I thought, “I need to eat better because I'm tired. I need to eat better because I'm not losing weight.”
If you are feeling off, get your blood work checked. Do it. I know there are people also being diagnosed with depression and given meds for depression. I'm totally for that if that is for you. I'm totally for that if you need it, but I know that based on my journey, I was offered it and honestly didn’t need it. I just needed a doctor to check the right labs and the right supplements.
Wouldn't you want to get your body rebalanced before introducing anything else?
(Note: I’m not a doctor. I’m not giving you any medical advice. You need to talk to a registered doctor. My favorite is a Naturopath because they spend extra time with you and because they are able to do extra tests.)
Your doctor will tell you what Vitamin B you’d take, and it’s like the happy pill that's gonna put you back on track potentially. You up your iron then your energy comes up. I’m just a few days into taking B and just started taking iron again, and I know it’s going to be a trajectory up for me.
I looked at my reports, and I understand now what happens and my numbers are lower than last year. If I've been going for a whole year, even lower than I was last year, man, no wonder things have just felt harder. No shame, right?
I feel so much better when I'm balanced... so much better. Some of my clients are taking the Dynamic Balance Program with me. I tell them, we can balance your life, we can get you a plan, we can have your Dynamic Life Blueprint set. But if you are off inside, it's gonna be that much harder. If you are off, ideas might not stick. You might not be able to maintain it.
What happens is, we then turn around and judge ourselves for not being good enough, focused enough, motivated enough, smart enough whatever it might be.
Again, I’m not a doctor. I'm not telling you to go buy iron because it is not good to take iron if you don't need it. I'm not saying to go take B and D. I'm not saying that. I'm saying, go and talk to a specialist who will let you know how you're doing on the inside. This is what everyone needs to do every year.
I just felt bad thinking about people out there suffering. The thing is, when you are off on the inside, you might not know. But you push through.
It’s a slow drop. You could feel just .01% worse each day. So you don't really notice it, right? Then eventually you're like, “I'm not where I like not feeling awesome.” But again, you're like:
If any of those are true for you, go get your blood work done. Ask for a professional's support you to see what you need so that you can really take care of yourself. So you can go into the world, make a difference, live your passion, work your mission, whatever it may be. Before you take on the world or even a small task, make sure that you are where you need to be on the inside.
Read my other blogs here:
1. My Laptop Sent me a Message
2. This is my biggest problem...
3. Is Your Business Taking Over Your Life?
Many of us receive direct messages from people we don’t know (or just met) on Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, and other social media sites. I receive A LOT of these. One thing that I notice with them is that their messages sound salesy or like a pitch, especially with new connections.
If you’re wanting to DM people, I will answer two questions in this blog:
There are a few kinds of questions that I receive on my DMs:
1. Open-Ended Questions
Have you received any of these messages:
I hate these kinds of questions because it puts the pressure on me to get things going. I’m then entering into a full conversation with someone who I don't know and I don't know why they're trying to reach out to me.
These questions are so open-ended, and I don’t know how to reply. I can reply “Good” or “Great” then they’d ask “What do you do?” Well, if this person looked at my profile, they would know what I do. Don't make me work because you want to talk to me. If you're going to reach out to someone, say more.
2. Unsolicited Offers
Have you received messages like:
Who doesn't want good things for their business? Who doesn't want these things? But it doesn't mean that I'm ready to enter into a sales conversation with you about it because I don't know you. So you have to ask yourself, “What are you leading with when you're messaging people?”
Because when people lead with optimizing my website, increasing my Google ranking, or whatever, I am not shopping for that. Your first message should not be a solicitation. You should not be offering to help me for a fee in that first message. I did not request solicitation in my inbox.
I also receive messages like:
Well, how do you know that my community wants it? Right, you're leading with your own offer. You're not leading with anything that I should care about. This is something you have to think about. What are you leading with? Are you leading with your own agenda? Or are you leading with something that would actually be for them?
3. “I love…
The other thing that I often see is people saying:
That type of message could be almost for anyone in the world. But if you’re going to say such things, be specific! For instance, if you want to be on the Dynamic Women Podcast, send me an email that says something like, “Hey, I love what you're doing. I listened to Episode 34 about changes for the new year! I love the five things that you shared! I totally resonate with this piece.”
If you message me something along these lines, it would show me that you actually took the time to consume some of my content and get to know me.
4. No “No Big Deal”
Sometimes, people send things like:
This is okay because I have permission to not answer her. However, sometimes what'll happen is people will send that but not the “no big deal.” And then they'll come in again and like, “Hey, you didn't reply to my message” or “Hey, I'm sending this again because you haven't replied.”
If that's through my business page on Facebook and I don’t reply to their spam, that messes up my response rates!
You might ask, “If they want to friend request you and you don’t know them, then what's the point of accepting their friend request?”
Good question. My response to this is as a business owner and speaker who is in the public eye quite a bit, I will say yes to their friend request if:
I’m trusting that they're good people and we should be connected. If you want to accept a friend request from someone, then you need to make the decision if that is a good decision for you or not. Have your own criteria for accepting friend requests.
Your being salesy happens when you lead with your own agenda.
You’ll come off as kind of awkward and weird in messages when you don't have a clear intention or you're not trying to connect with the person. So the keyword here is CONNECTION. Connect with the person. And so in order to connect with someone, you need to have a topic that is worthy of connecting about.
If you want to connect with them, you've got something specific that you can say or to talk about THEM, not talk about YOU. I don't know how many times I've had someone email me and the email tells me how awesome they are.
One of the easiest ways to connect is to acknowledge the person in a true way for something that you admire about them, that you like about them, or that you want to compliment them for. Acknowledge them for something and then speak about what's in it for them.
Here’s the question recap...
Now here are some tips you can do to NOT sound salesy:
1. Get on people’s radar first.
Go like some of their posts, comment on them and/or share some of their content. When people do this on my stuff, I do notice! If someone shares my content and I realize they've shared it, I will thank them. Then I’ll be more receptive when they DM me.
2. Find out what’s important to them.
Not what you think is important, but actually what is important to them. You'll find out what's important to them by listening to some of their videos, their audios, and their podcasts. Or by reading stuff on their website and their bio.
3. Don’t make them do all the work.
Don’t just say “How are you?” That's an annoying start to a conversation (unless I know them). Instead, tell me what you want to talk about. Acknowledge their work, and be detailed in the message. Refer to something that they have done and just come from a place of serving them first, and then they'll potentially reciprocate.
These are the things you can do to not come across as salesy and pitchy in direct messenger. Now, how are you going to show up differently?
P.S. I have to take my own words of wisdom here. Sometimes I try to get straight to the point with people without connecting. That's my A-type. It’s a learning curve!
Want to get on my radar? Comment below or subscribe and/or review my Dynamic Women Podcast!
Read my other blogs here:
There is ONE thing that a lot of women do that feels good but hurts them - it’s putting other people's agendas before their own. It's saying “yes” to others before they say “yes” to themselves.
The sad thing is, I see women do this all the time.
I constantly see women putting others ahead of themselves.
But I'm talking about this unbalance when these statements are true:
And when it gets to that extreme level, it means you take care of other people to honor their values before you honor your own values. So how does this look?
Imagine yourself in these two true situations that I heard from my clients.
True Story 1: I have a client who is a very loving Mom. The trouble was she wasn’t able to go away on the weekend because her daughter kept dropping her dog off at her house. It was happening a lot and for long periods of time and that meant that this client of mine wasn't able to have the freedom that she wanted. She missed out on so many invites for dinner dates, outings, and trips because the dog couldn’t be left alone. This made her resent her daughter.
True Story 2: A client of mine is a very successful personal trainer who has clients in different areas of the city. My client said yes to serving a retired couple at 9am which was a time that worked best for them, which meant my client was travelling through the city during rush hour. Also, she was already serving people in that area later in the day and so it meant she was travelling there twice. This caused her to miss out on adding in another training hour. It took her a lot more time to travel and caused her much stress.
If you give all day, there is nothing left for you. When you're busy fulfilling everyone else's agenda before your own, you’ll have nothing left to give. And then along with not focusing on your own agenda, you're also missing out on fulfilling your own dreams.
Yes, we need to care for others. And yes, we need to help others, but not to the detriment of ourselves. If we have time for ourselves, our cup gets filled. If we can do the things we want to do, our cup gets filled. If we honor our own priorities, our cup gets full. When our cup is full and overflowing into the saucer that is under the cup, we have more than enough to give.
By serving our own needs, wants, priorities, and goals, we then can bless others with the time, energy, and money that we have. When you make more money, you can give more money. When you have more time, you can give more time.
I will leave you with a list of questions that you can ask yourself so you can fill your own cup:
In the past, I've been known to go out of my way to help others so much that I suffered. And I see it in women all the time. I hope it doesn’t happen to you so have a hard look at how you’re doing and answer those questions. Post your comments about what insights this gave you.
We are taught to care. We are taught to give. We are taught to serve. We also need to be taught boundaries and making ourselves a priority. And we can help others once we are feeling enough… once we are filled up... once we have enough to be in a position to be able to give.
In my last blog, I talked about four aspects to supporting your success: networking, accountability, mastermind, and a coach.
The best is when you can have networking, an accountability group, a mastermind, and a coach all in one group. I share this with my clients. It helps them achieve more, stay focused, and get new opportunities.
Why is this good? Think of an iceberg and water.
When you spread yourself thin and do a lot of different things, you only really get the tip of the iceberg because your bandwidth is so spread apart. When you have ONE group that you're working with to satisfy your masterminding, networking, coaching, and accountability needs, you get to go:
What are the other benefits of having these four things in one?
1. You save time because:
2. You save energy.
3. You save money.
When I was able to see all of these benefits for myself and how it was a better way of up leveling my business I started looking for it. In the end, I created it for my clients. It was a huge difference.
You’re probably searching for something like this - for something that would just ease the burden of all the things you have to get done. A speed course to help you reach your goals, a program that has four in one. Your one-stop shop to help you reach where you want to get to.
This is why I put all my years in my education, my teaching, coaching, delivering workshops, delivering speeches, presentations to groups of people, and all my personal and professional development, put them into one program - the She's Goaled Program.
Check it out and apply to be able to reach your goals with the 4 point system.
Here are some of my blogs that you may also enjoy:
I’ve struggled in my business at different times. I thought I was making the right decisions based on what others had suggested, but the problem was they weren’t actually doing what they shared with me.
I was constantly reviewing and making changes. Of course those mistakes were really learning opportunities. But the thing is, what if you just knew how to NOT make those mistakes?
What I learnt is how quickly you decide to make a change and how fast you take action actually determines how successful you're going to be. If you can't make changes when problems come or you stay in the wrong decision for too long, then you're going to have more negative outcomes.
As a coach, they don't teach us how to run a coaching business. So, I did these things:
1. I joined a networking group.
Networking groups are great, but the problem was that the networking group I was in wasn't giving me a strong level of information that I needed on how to run a business that's in alignment with me.
2. I hired a good business coach.
It was really great working with her. She helped me with business foundations, but I was missing that group interaction. I want a group of people, especially women, to come together and we can move our businesses forward together and I can get some information.
3. I joined a Mastermind.
I joined a mastermind, but I wasn’t getting that high-level strategy that I needed from it. This mastermind was self-led wherein the participants were to lead it. I was the only coach and facilitator in the group. I ended up having to run it. That just felt weird. I started to feel like the coach, where I'm not able to chill and relax and just be part of this experience. And so I thought to myself, that's off. That's not right.
4. I had an accountability group.
I thought maybe I just need a little accountability group to get things going and help me get things happening. But I realized, these people are not doing what they said they would do. And it was quite frustrating for me because at the time, I was pregnant. I was spending more of my time there coaching them how to reach their goals, and how to actually do what they were supposed to do. It was frustrating. That level of accountability wasn't there.
I had a networking group, a coach, a mastermind group, and an accountability partner. They were all serving partial needs for me, but none of it was like fully encompassing all of my needs.
It takes a lot of time to attend four different events. It was costing me time and brainpower. Each of them had its own set of requirements and expectations. I couldn't keep my head straight with all those things. It was also costing me money!
What I wanted was ONE single track to put my business train on. To be able to just go to one group of people and have them serve all of my needs and get my business moving forward so that I am not wasting my time, energy, mind power, and money.
Why isn't there something where a group of people can have the following aspects:
1. Networking - We get together and have networking opportunities. We start referring each other and can use each other's services.
2. Accountability - We can have accountability with someone in charge. Having an actual facilitator, coach, or someone in charge of that accountability can lead to better results so that the participants don't have to hold each other accountable.
3. Mastermind - In some groups, certain people take more time because the time isn’t being managed. When there’s a facilitator to facilitate the timing, everyone gets their time. It's not just the power of the group, but I want someone in charge that knows so many different things.
4. Coaching - Having someone in that group who can coach. The cool thing is, as they're coaching someone else in the group, you can learn so much, too. By being coached in front of others, you also have that feeling of we're in this together.
Which of those four pieces do you like the most? You can have networking, accountability, mastermind, and a coach for your life as well in your business.
In my next blog, I will share with you the ONE step I took that helped me achieve more, stay focused, and get new opportunities.
You can also read my other blogs:
1. The Price We Pay for Our Decisions
2. Hire Help: 1 of 5 Tactics to get more done in life or business (Part 1)
3. 5 Tactics to get more done in life or business (Part 2)
Last week I shared how I was grateful to have the right to work or not and to have some equality in that as well (yep we still have a little ways to go). There were many men and women who paved the path so that we would have more choices and time to do what we like. It’s exciting as a mother to think that my little one could also make a difference in the world with women’s rights or in another area. I guess I’ll have to wait and see.
But what about us? I’m talking about you, me, your friends, family, co-workers, all of us. Maybe we aren’t in government (making big policy decisions) or in a big trailblazing company. But on an individual level we can also make a big DAILY difference in choosing how we act and interact with others. It’s actually pretty simple…and pretty powerful.
How we can make a huge difference in the world for everyone
1. How we ACT: Will you LEAD your life with the feeling that you’re equal?
I see this in my clients all the time: lack of confidence, feeling unworthy, lacking self-belief and like we don’t measure up. Well I’m taking a stand for that. It’s so easy for others to take away our power (rights) when we take them away from ourselves. I’m not saying we need to walk around full of hot air, but just confident that we are equals to all. We deserve great success. We are worthy of happiness. We can believe in ourselves because we are enough.
Having trouble with this? I challenge you to make a list of 100 things that make you AWESOME. Yep, awesome! Not good or even great, but awesome.
Because when we stand in our own worth, we will then stand up for ourselves and others.
2. How we INTERACT: Will you LEAD your life with the feeling that everyone is equal?
We can be quick to feel that someone is better than us (yes some people have more money, a higher position and obviously more of (fill in the blank). And on the flip side that some people are below us (maybe those who act out of hate or don’t put any effort in at all). But the truth is we can serve ourselves and others better when we believe in everyone’s equal right to feel satisfied with life.
How do you apply this? When going into a room of people, or a meeting (basically into a space where you are interacting with others) check in on your feelings before you go in. Ask how you feel about this person (or these people). A typical answer might be “they’re better than me.” Or your ego might take over and answer, “I’m going to show them a thing or two because of my position/success.” Check those at the door and try this thought instead, “We all have the equal right to feel satisfied in our lives. I want to find out what makes people happy.” Create your own ‘check in’ statement that works for you.
So much of the connecting I experience is about one-upmanship/dismissal or giving in and being walked all over.
We want to avoid putting blocks in front of ourselves when others worked so hard to remove them in the past.
While we probably won’t be recognized in history or government for the changes we can choose how to lead our lives, and how we lead within our lives.
Will you LEAD?
Let’s help LEADING catch on like fi-yah! Share how you lead, or recognize how someone else leads and celebrate what they’ve done.
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