As women, we play a lot of roles. We have to attend to so many responsibilities that at the end of the day, we don’t always have time left to devote to what we really want to do.
A lot of my clients say:
How can we really balance taking care of the kids, husband, home, business, your health, and any other passion project that you really want to do?
I’ll break it down into 5 ways.
#1. Be clear on what you want
The first question that you really need to ask yourself is “What do I really want in life?”
With my clients, we use the coaching tool called the Wheel of Life, and it includes all 10 areas of our lives. By looking at the wheel, we start to get super clear about what it is that we want and need and our priorities.
What's interesting is it really unearths new ideas, things that maybe you haven't talked about. Asking yourself that question, “What do you want?” is really going to help move you forward.
What I've been noticing is this is also the hardest question to answer. It looks super simple and it should be super simple, but as adults society has done us wrong. If we ask a child what he or she wants, they will come up with a massive list of things. But as adults, we often focus on needs and priorities or what society has told us we should want.
Knowing exactly what you want in each area is going to help you to feel more balanced because you'll have clarity on where to spend your time, your energy, your money, and all of your resources.
It's not something that is going to be answered really quickly. You need to be able to take that question and sit with it so you get the deeper answer. It's not something that you can just come up with on the spot (unless you’ve done the work). If it is a quick answer, you risk focusing on what society wants for you or what your parents or spouse want for you, or what your company wants for you. So it’s best to come up with what YOU want.
The first piece around getting balanced is really understanding and having clarity on what you want. It is really important to do this with a trained professional. I know I said you need to take time to figure this out. But the thing is, you also need to know what the ideal is and a coach can help you get to the heart of it.
#2. Set your priorities
Question 1: What are your priorities?
Making a priority list for yourself is crucial so that you know where those 10 areas stand, and the priorities of each one. This is important because when we are spread thin - kids, husband, family, and projects at work or whatever it may be - we really need to know what comes first.
Question 2: And where are you on your priority list?
Making a priority list for yourself is crucial so you know where you are on the priority list.
I had a client who thought that her first priority was finding a new career. But after looking at all areas of her life, we learned that her health and personal development were actually the priorities, so she can build a strong foundation to then go and get her dream job.
If you're finding it hard to balance, it could be because you need to take care of yourself first or you need to take care of one area so that you can have some balance and consistency.
#3: Have a strong “YES!”
Oftentimes, my clients talk about the need to say ‘No’ more often. I totally agree. But I also know that it's extremely hard to say ‘No’. So if you feel that way, I suggest you have a stronger ‘Yes.’
What do I mean by that?
When you get invited to do something or to go somewhere or to be involved in something, do you immediately agree and say, “I want to do that”? Or do you feel hesitant and say, “I'm not sure. Maybe I shouldn’t do that”? Then the ego comes in or that person's influence on you is at play.
So where does having a strong ‘Yes’ come in? If you do have clarity on what you want, then you have clarity on your priorities for all the areas and what you want to say ‘Yes’ to. This helps you to have only three to five main focus areas or main goals you're working on at a time so that you're not overwhelmed. When you know what you want, then you can say ‘Yes’ to that, making it easier to say no to other things.
The problem is if you're busy and you're good at achieving lots of things and you're good at being able to take care of many responsibilities, people are going to keep asking you. If you have those strong ‘Yes’ priorities in your life then you will be able to say ‘Yes’ to these things. Therefore, you’ll be able to say ‘No’ confidently to everything else!
#4. Figure out what resources you have
The next piece if you're having a lack of balance, is to figure out which resources you can use as your solution.
Ask yourself this: Do I have more time, more energy, or more money? If you have a lack of balance, you probably don't have a lot of energy, but maybe you have more money. So you could bring in solutions like a cleaner, a meal service, or delegating some of your work.
I do this with all areas of life, all problems, all obstacles, and all opportunities that I have. Can I use my time, my energy or my money to help with this?
If you have money and time, but no energy, then go recharge somewhere or pay for support to be recharged, pay to do a juice cleanse, or pay for a chef to create some healthy meals for you. You've got options.
In the same way if you have less of something then it could be time to make some changes. If you have no money, you need to clear some things out that are costing you money like subscriptions you don’t use. If you have no time, you need to clear things out that are sucking your time like watching endless TV shows. If you have no energy, then you need to do things to gain energy and to clear the things that are sucking your energy like negative people.
#5. Take Action
I have asked you a bunch of questions and given you 4 Ways to Balance Life. Use what I’ve shared and your answers to guide your choices and TAKE ACTION.
A lot of times people are in this place of “I'm so unbalanced”. Well, you got to do something about it. You have to get into action on it. If you keep complaining about it, but never do anything, then you're just going to be like a hamster on a wheel, rolling, rolling, rolling and never getting off and never feeling better.
How about you go on your calendar and block a day off? Maybe you need to go on a strict time where you’re saying no to invitations. You have choices here, but you’ve got to do something about it.
I invite you to really look at these five ways and now I ask you, What do you want to implement? I didn't say, “What do you NEED to implement?” because the thing is, you probably won't implement what you need to implement. If you're very self-aware and very on top of it and you have some accountability like my clients do, then please do what you need to do.
If you’re not sure you can do anything, then go with what you want to do because then you have more of a chance to succeed. Please choose something that you 150% believe you can do and will commit to. Then the joy is, that when you do it you’ll build confidence and self-esteem so you can tackle something that is a little bit harder next time.
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