In my previous blog, I talked about the times I felt stuck, what I did to ditch that feeling, and how you can find the reason why you're stuck. Now, I’ll share with you the “How Can I” Approach” and why I wanted to write about this stuck feeling topic.
Go to the link below to read part one first:
The “How Can I” Approach
This is something that I coined because I was trying to figure out how I was able to get over adversity.
A lot of people say, “Here's my obstacle. Here's my problem. Here's why I'm stuck. Ho-hum is me.” I noticed that when I've faced an obstacle, after the initial annoyance I ask myself “How can I?” For example, I need to have a book in my clients’ hands in 90 days. (Go to part 1 for more info about this story.) How can I do this? I don't have enough info. How am I going to write this? I don't want to write this. How else could I write this book?
I changed my approach from, “Oh, I have to write a book” to “I'm going to speak and teach the material that then gets transcribed into a book.”
I started by making an outline. I put it into more of a program format. I then emailed my list and said, “Hey, I'm doing this program called Dynamic You, you're going to learn how to unleash your dynamic woman through the nine Pillars of being a dynamic woman. It's going to be a five-week course, who wants in? Here's the investment.” 25 women said they wanted to be in, which was really exciting! Now I had to have the content ready for them.
Every time I tell the story, (you're getting the super basic version), people go, “Wow, I never thought of that.” But it was in one of those moments of feeling stuck, but knowing I could teach the content instead caused me to open up my thinking. Thank goodness, I had a team member and editor to support me in making this happen. Otherwise, I think it would have been too much.
So for the questions, “What information do I need?”
I looked at the pieces I didn't have the answers to.
I needed all of these questions answered. If your problem for feeling stuck is you don't have enough information, then you need to ask yourself,
If the problem is, “I don't know if it's the right decision?” well, how can you know if it's the right decision? Who can help you to get the answer? What can help you to know if it's the right decision?
If you don't know if you have the right motivation, then, how can you know what's the right motivation? How can you figure that out? Who can help you to figure that out?
If you don't have enough confidence, how can you build the confidence to do it? There have been some situations in my life where I was terrified, like calling one of my major coaches who makes multiple billions of dollars, and proposing a collaboration with him. I told people, I would do it so that I could actually make it happen.
It comes down to what I mentioned earlier, “A deadline helps hold us accountable.” Put a deadline on things. But first, you have to figure out why you are stuck. Then ask, “How can I?”
The questions of:
It's not just about sitting in the stuckness. It's about figuring out the solution to get out of the stuckness. It feels so heavy. It feels so hard like you are really stuck in the muck. With my health journey, I felt stuck in the muck. I actually felt hopeless. I thought, “I'm never going to be able to get myself out of this. I don't have the willpower. I know what I need to do. I just don't have the motivation to do it. I don't have the emotional bandwidth to do it. I don't want to figure it out. I need to be told what to do.”
That’s why I put my money into it. I invested to make it happen. That might be what you need. One of my coaches, I joined her mastermind so that I could hear her extreme confidence and ego sometimes because I feel like I'm very heart-centered and I put people's feelings first and sometimes boundaries can get blurred. I was like, “Okay, how can I not do that anymore? How can I not have my heartstrings pulled so much that I bend too much for people?”
I thought, “Who do I know who can help me with this?” It's just me being in the energy of this person. This person is like definitely like a no BS, her feelings are first, and her wants are first. I'm not going to go maybe that extreme, but it helps me to move forward.
What the women in my community said
“I do not have a lack of confidence or motivation. I really think I need someone to help me with the marketing piece.” ~ Sandra
There you go.
When I felt stuck in my business and I just wasn't moving on something, even though I knew “I could probably figure this out” or “I have a team and someone could do this”, I just didn't want to be the one to oversee it, so I invested. At one point, I invested five grand just to have someone build out a Facebook ad, a landing page, and an email sequence. I know how to do all of that. I've done all of those things and my team can do it. But for some reason, I just wasn't doing it. I just wanted someone to take me by the hand and lead me because at that time didn't have the mental capacity to handle another thing, and that's okay.
If you feel like, “I'm just not doing it, I'm just not making it happen”, okay, how can you? Maybe you have someone who actually just does it for you or someone who holds your hand to do it.
I know when I first learned Facebook ads, I hired someone. I took their course. I was learning how to do it. Then I thought, “Oh, no, I need more support.” Then I hired her and we did laser sessions so I can ask specific questions. I realized I was stuck because I was unsure if it was the right decision on each little thing. Is this the right audience? Is this how I click this button here?
I wanted to be able to just run that by someone. Then I realized, I'm getting the information from her, but I just don't have the time to actually put it into place. Then I said to her, “Hey, I think I need to hire you to do this for me.” She laughed and said, “I was wondering when you’re going to ask for this type of help because I see how much you have going on.”
My learning curve was so big, so it was quite a funny journey that I had to go on, I'm going to learn this, then I'm going to get some extra support, and eventually I'm just like, ‘You know what, you just do it.’
Now that I have my two VAs, I've been very blessed to be able to have them just do it.
Sometimes we're just in that decision fatigue. But I'll tell you when you're stuck, and you realize what is making you stuck or you have help to realize what's making you stuck, you can then get moving.
But then you have to seal the deal by making a decision. I did this by saying:
As soon as you make a decision and take that first action, the joy of this part is it builds your confidence. The confidence causes you to act again and again and again.
The truth is, you will probably get stuck again, but you just go back to these steps in order to move you forward.
Why I wanted to write about this stuck topic
I am seeing this in so many clients right now:
There is a lot of stuckness right now. I feel like we're not flipping out of feeling stuck because we've spiraled down and almost corkscrewed our way in so deep that it feels really heavy to come out of it. It feels hard like we have to dig ourselves out, and that feeling of, “I just don't know what to do” or “I just can't do it” or “Why am I not doing it digs us even deeper?”
I wanted to be able to free more people from that stuck feeling.
Let's look at more examples
Here are more examples from the women in my community:
I agree. The world does feel stuck, especially with all the negativity, atrocities, and tragic events that are happening in the world. It feels really heavy.
I think it's more falling forward. You’re very welcome. I don’t want people to feel stuck.
First, just figure out what the stuckness is, and it's going to help you to move forward.
If you haven't reinvented in the past, look back and ask yourself what helped me last time to make this happen easily?
Probably hiring someone to help you with the marketing or let's go with the marketing strategy that you know, and that has worked for you in the past. Because maybe something like Facebook ads is too much of a big learning journey. Instead, going and speaking on a podcast would be helpful because you love to be in the zone helping others.
You are a thinker, so sit with it until you have a little clarity make a choice and take action and make a choice. Sometimes the action that you take can be with a little fine print that says, “I'm going to try this out for right now until it doesn't feel good anymore.”
Because you're probably focusing on it. Your attention is on it. When my knee was injured or if we get a diagnosis or something else is happening to us that is concerning, I get that it can be all-consuming. We need to consciously move away from it and put our focus and attention on something else. I went down a little bit of a rabbit hole when the whole Hamas tragedy on October 7 and I was focusing on it and focusing on it and looking at things and I had to pull myself out of it and I had to focus on the things that mattered most to me and the things that brought me joy.
Fill your life with the things that bring you joy when something else is feeling heavy so that you can start to pull yourself out. We might not be able to solve the stuckness or the problem, but what we can do is offset some of that. When we look at the Wheel of Life some areas might be low and we can't fix them. Maybe we can’t make your marriage any better right now because your partner is away for six months in another location. We can't see them so it's really hard right, and so we say, “It’s okay for now. I can't move that up. But can I focus on closeness with my friends right now, or with my other family?”
We can look at the other areas to pull ourselves up. If you're stuck, don't keep yourself stuck in that place.
Okay, you want to get unstuck now. Good. Amazing.
To wrap up, here are some of the takeaways of the women in my community.
Yes. Because that is a loop. That is a hamster wheel that just continues on, but if you look for what is the exit out of that, that's most important.
Yeah. Sometimes that means turning things off. If you're stuck and there are things in your life that are causing more negativity, maybe there are certain people in your life, certain situations in your life, maybe you have to turn the volume down on those things a little bit. You can turn your attention away from them and instead, ask yourself what fills you up and then go do more of that. If what fills you up is crafting, hiking, or sitting around the campfire with friends, do more of the joyful stuff so that you can be in that place of feeling good, which will give you energy to be able to handle the places you feel stuck.
Take care of your energy though.
As always, if you ever feel like I can support you to point out that thing that's right in front of you, or to help you work through things, it's not weak to get help. It is smart to get help. Even if you think, “I know what to do”, but you're not doing it, you're not implementing, you're not moving forward. Just like how I hired a coach for my health journey, and I hire coaches for different parts of my life, I would be, honored to serve you and work with you.
I'll tell you this, too. I'm a strong, confident person. You probably have strong confident people in your life, and you could be one of them, too - A type, driven, successful. Check in on them. They could be stuck on something, and you would never know because they are suffering in silence. Because they're caring for everyone and everything in their lives. It is so appreciated when other people ask them:
Reach out to that person in your life that you've been feeling like you should reach out to, just say, “Hey, thinking about you. How are you doing?” I know it could make the world of a difference to them.
P.S. Don’t miss out! Watch my next live in the Dynamic Women Global Community Facebook Group. I’ll be there answering your questions and talking about the topics that are most important to you.
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