Are you wanting to ditch the stuck feeling for good?
I recently went live in my Dynamic Women Global Community on Facebook and interacted with some of the members and talked about this stuck feeling.
It sucks terribly when you feel like you can't get out of the muck. Maybe you have felt like that or feel like that now. There's no right turn showing itself, but you want to make progress. Then why are you sabotaging yourself?
I am going to share a little bit with you about what has worked for me to get into action and find the motivation to ditch the stuck feeling for good. This is a work in progress, and I'm not giving you a one-solution-fits-all approach. I'm going to go through some of the processes I use in order to be able to get unstuck.
I've had times when I've been crazy stuck for months or even years. Then I've had other times where I'm just stuck for 10 minutes. This process can be used in any of these situations, in any length of time, and in any area of life.
A little backstory
I host the Dynamic Women Global Community. I started the community back in 2013 to meet my need for not just surface-level networking but for a deeper connection with other women in business.
I noticed that some of my clients were being looked over for their profession because other people were treating them like a sale or as less than. So I knew I wanted to create a space for women to come together and be respected.
I also started this because when you’re older, it’s harder to make new friends. If you try to form a friendship with people in business by inviting them for coffee, you can seem too forward or that you want to sell to them, and it's uncomfortable.
We started as a live event community. I was running it in eight different cities, so eight different locations and eight different events every single month. Now because of COVID and a bunch of other reasons, we are online.
What is it to feel stuck
How you know when you're stuck? If we are trying to go and do something or if we're trying to make something happen in our business or our lives, maybe it's a big goal we've had like:
…whatever it may be, you could feel that, “I'm not moving forward”, and it's horrible, and the longer you stay in that feeling of not moving forward, it’s going to start to completely erode your confidence. It's going to have you doubt yourself more. Limiting beliefs are going to come in. You have to switch yourself out of feeling stuck. You HAVE to before you get stuck there.
I'm going to give you a one-size-fits-all in one regard, but it has to be customized to you. As a certified life coach and the asker of powerful questions, I'll ask you questions today as well.
But if you still feel like this is not enough, I really encourage you to reach out to me by sending me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. For me, I can't get unstuck a lot of times by myself, even though I'm using my own practices that I use on my clients because it's in the conversation with someone else, especially a trained professional which helps you move forward.
You're feeling stuck. You're not making progress. You're not moving forward. You may feel like the right solution isn't presenting itself, or “I don't know what the next step is.” Or you might be asking yourself, “Why am I sabotaging myself? Why am I not moving forward? Why am I not doing the things I know I need to do?”
In my previous blogs, I've talked about how it took me forever to be able to start my health journey. Now, in my case, I didn't have the right motivation. Maybe you're also stuck because you don't have the right motivation.
When I was younger, the motivation was, “I am going to get healthy, so I look good.” Honestly, I kind of care about looking good. It wasn't happening for that reason. Am I motivated to lose weight because it's important to my health? I knew that that was true, but didn’t motivate me. I want to get healthier and lose weight so that I can fit into my clothes. Well, I wanted that, but I just kept buying bigger clothes.
I was looking for the right motivation to get unstuck. Even seeing photos of myself wasn't the piece that pushed me. When I looked at photos, and I surprisingly said, “Oh my goodness. I don't know I looked like that,” that still wasn't the right motivation.
I was stuck in all of these places because I hadn't done enough deep work to figure out what my motivation was. Now the universe gave it to me by injuring my knee and then talking to an orthopedic surgeon about my knee. The only thing that we could do is strengthen around the knee and lose weight.
Ask yourself right now. For what you're wanting, what is your motivation for going there? Maybe you haven't found the right motivation. Ask yourself, what is your WHY for this thing you're wanting?
When we tap into that deeper why, that creates the motivation that gets us into action.
Finding the reason why you’re stuck
Here are some reasons for feeling stuck which were shared by the women in my community:
Let me go into the reason why you're stuck. The one thing I do is I ask myself, “What am I stuck on? What is causing me to be stuck here?” I'm going to give an example of writing my very first book Dynamic You, which is the nine pillars of a dynamic woman. Why was I stuck on it? I was just not writing it.
Here are some questions to find out WHY you are stuck:
#1: “Am I stuck because I don't have enough information?”
Meaning, maybe I don't know how to write a book, or I don't know what I'm going to write about. I don't know if I should self-publish. I don't know if I should go through a publishing company. I don't have enough information to move on this.
When I look at Lilian's “feeling stuck on launching something new”, so this is maybe a new program or a new offering. She could ask herself, “Do I have enough information to know how to launch it, to know what I'm launching, to know the best marketing strategy for doing it, to know if my audience will actually buy it? Is there some information I need there?”
Lisa says that she feels stuck about reinventing herself. Again, is there not enough information on what the next steps could be or how to get the clarity?
#2: “Is this the right decision?”
The next thing to ask yourself is, “Is this the right decision?” With Paula’s example about reimagining what she’s going to do for her dissertation, so she went one route and thought, “This doesn't feel like the right decision”, so now she's going a different route, and needs to ask herself, “Is this the right decision?” We can feel stuck because the right decision hasn't presented itself yet.
I'll tell you, I’ve experienced being in that place of stuckness for years. Every time I thought I gained some traction, I'd have life hit me with something major, which caused me to have to pause:
Just check in with yourself and ask yourself, “Is this the right decision that I'm making?” Like for Paula, “I'm going to do my dissertation on this topic. Is this the right decision?”
If you're 80% there, you just have to choose the first small step. If you are really doubting it, the only way you're going to know is to take the next step or to take a further step back. Either way, get some support to talk it through so that you can see all options because maybe your blinders are on or to have someone else say what they see in you.
Because like the Les Brown quote, “When you're in the frame, you can't see the picture.” Many times I have been wondering, “I don't know what the answer is. I'm looking for it. I can't find it. What is it?” A coach has said to me, “Isn't it this? Isn't it this thing right in front of you?” and I've replied, “Ah, you're right. It totally is.” Having someone else say that to me has been so helpful. You either don't have enough information or you don't know if it's the right decision.
#3: Do I have enough confidence?
The next reason why you may be stuck is that you don't have enough confidence. “Well, I don't know if I can market myself to clients because I don't know if I'm good at it enough.” Or it might be, “I'm feeling not so confident in what I'm offering.” Check in with how much confidence is there and maybe where it's lacking, you might need to have a little bolster or a little boost.
#4: Are there people disagreeing?
The fourth thing might be that other people are disagreeing. Lisa said, “Each time I think I find a rhythm life throws me another in a different direction, time availability, availability changes, and I have to rethink things. Makes me feel stuck thinking about reinventing again.” Maybe as she even reinvents herself, she has someone else say, “Are you sure about that?”
It's really funny because even though I have already lost 40 pounds, there are still other people who are trying to tell me what I should do:
I think, “Wait a second, I've done this for six months. I've followed a coach, her plan and I'm getting crazy good results.” People are trying to get me stuck again. Now thankfully, I have enough traction and progress that other people disagreeing or giving me other ideas doesn’t phase me. I'm just like, “Whatever, not interested.”
Check in on these 4 areas to see, What makes you stuck? Even just looking at what Sandra has said, she’s stuck getting clients and marketing to get more clients. I feel like that could be a confidence thing. That can also be a not enough information to know if you're doing the right steps. Maybe you don't have a plan. But she then said, “I'm happiest when I'm in the zone and helping others.” Yeah, you're in your zone of genius when you're doing the stuff you’re good at. It might be time to hire out the rest.
The thing about being a business owner is we have all of these other positions we have to hold to have the business run. I love doing my videos, and recording my podcast. I love speaking to you. I love sharing this. This is my zone of genius. Me sitting behind a computer and writing a book, not what I want to be doing. That’s why my blogs comes from my videos and podcasts. (I edit the transcript that my VA has formatted for me.)
Why I felt stuck writing a book
I'm going to talk through my example of writing a book and how I felt stuck. I already gave the example of my health journey, and how I was stuck for a long time, and how I eventually got the right motivation.
I was stuck writing a book. Why? Because my perception of writing a book was I need to sit behind a computer, and I need to type by myself and write. I did not have enough information. I didn't know there were other ways to do a book. Am I making the right decision? I knew I was making the right decision to write a book.
I didn't fully have the right motivation either. Did I have enough confidence writing a book? Not really because I don't feel like I'm an amazing writer. I don't enjoy writing.
It's funny because spelling was my worst skill, yet I majored in English at university as one of my majors. (I did a double major.) Then other people were saying I needed to write the book, and a lot of people were telling me that writing a book is really hard. It's not. You just need the right strategy in place. I didn't know the strategies to write a book. I didn't know the ease of writing a book.
Do you know what eventually unstuck me? A deadline. I needed a deadline. Sometimes that's just the way to get you unstuck is just to make a fricking deadline for it. My deadline was kind of imposed on me.
I was speaking on the phone with the organizers at a women's conference in Washington State that wanted to bring me down to open and close a big conference for women. I was jazzed. They're going to pay me my full fee, fly me in, and cover a couple nights at a hotel, all this amazing stuff. Then I realized at the time, I didn't have a visa to work in the States. I wasn't allowed really to go and speak. There was a chance I could get turned away at the border.
In the last second, I said, “Okay, well, actually, I have a different idea. How about we do this where you buy enough copies of my book for everyone in the audience and we’ll have that Oprah moment, ‘You get a book, you get a book, and you get a book’. Then I'll come in and speak for free.” They were floored, “Oh, my gosh, that's so generous of you. Are you sure? We can pay your fee and buy the books.” I'm like, “No, no, no, let me do this for you.”
They said, “Give us the link, and we'll go and buy them today.” I said, “Oh, I'm just re-editing it. I'll let you know when the link is live.”
I hung up the phone, called my friend and said, “Well, I guess I have to write my book now.” There's a bigger, bigger version of that story, but that's the quick version. I'm telling you this because the deadline forced me to write the book.
For Lilian who's feeling stuck on launching something new, you just got to put it out there and put a date on when it's happening. As soon as somebody puts money out for it, then you got to do it. In my case, I knew I had to have the book at that hotel for that big event in just 90 days. The first time I saw the book was when I opened the box in my hotel room the night before I spoke. It was exciting!
For my next approach - the “How Can I” approach. I will talk about it in my next blog, so stay tuned!
P.S. Have you joined the Dynamic Women Global Community? It’s a free online community for female business leaders to come together to connect, share, grow, and be inspired!
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