Yes, it may sound obvious to say that we wear confidence and that confidence is sexy. But really I feel many people wear confidence wrong. They get it from the wrong source and wear it the wrong way. This actually can result in repelling people or turning them off. Let me start with what I feel confidence is.
Confidence is being able to take on things that make us stretch or feel out of our comfort zone. Confidence is walking in a room and feeling good about yourself, no matter what clothes you have on, what car you drive, who’s in the room and the amount of money on your bank.
So often the external things are what either bring us confidence or deplete it. I won’t lie that wearing a great pair of heels or getting a new haircut can bring out the confidence, but in order to have a deeper level of confidence and wear it right there are hundreds of ways to pull of that look well.
Today I'll share 3 Steps to Sexy Confidence
NOT SEXY: Being too confident. No one likes talking to someone’s ego. You know how these conversations feel – like it’s a contest to see if they can one-up you or a monologue of how awesome they are.
NOT SEXY: Being too modest. You don’t want to come across as having a low opinion of yourself or that there’s nothing worth celebrating. Trust me there is a lot to celebrate, so go ahead!
SEXY Confidence: Don’t be afraid to share some of the great things that are happening in your life and then ask the same of others or even better ask them first with this questions or one of your own, “What’s something recently you feel proud of?”
NOT SEXY: Only celebrating your own success and/or not acknowledging others for their support. If someone helped you get to where you are then thank them privately or even publically.
NOT SEXY: Taking credit for others’ success. Yep, shockingly this happens! A boss of mine once took credit for my idea at a company wide meeting, a participant in a workshop posted a metaphor on social media that I just shared with her hours before, and a coach of mine once took credit for the success I had had a full year after we stopped working together. Not cool!
SEXY Confidence: Compliment people, thank them for their help and acknowledge them when they did a good job. It’s easy, just use 4 or 5 words, “You are a dynamic woman!” Or “You’re a creative business owner!” Or even better write them a card, or take them out for lunch!
NOT SEXY: Giving up at the first obstacle in your path. I have seen this all too often. Pack in the bag when the going gets tough, or say, “It wasn’t mean to be”. Goals take time and hard work to achieve. If it didn’t take any commitment the goal was too small.
NOT SEXY: Continuously changing your mind. You will confuse not only yourself, but also everyone around you. People can’t support you if they are not sure what you’re trying to achieve. AND they won’t support you if they don’t feel you’re committed.
SEXY Confidence: Going forward with something even though you don’t know the process or the result. Trusting yourself to figure it out, asking for help or persevering through is character and confidence building. You don’t know unless you try, so ask yourself two questions when you lose confidence, “What do I need to know about this?” “How do I get around or through that?” Then go do it!
People often tell me I am confident (for that I'm grateful). Yes that may be true, AND it’s a work in progress because as I grow and my business grows I enter new territory that is scary. I do things I’ve never done before, I hit obstacles that seem insurmountable and I meet and work with people who I have admired from a far. I practice what I preach to the best of my ability. It’s not always easy and I'd like to think that if it was it wouldn’t be as fun!
P.S. I’m always adding to my curated list of ways to be confident, so if you have another idea (which I’m confident you have!) then please share it below or send it to me privately at firstname.lastname@example.org)
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