Are you afraid or hesitant to step out of hiding and be more visible in your life?
I had the courage to stop hiding.
I feel called to come and talk about how I got the courage to stop hiding. How I've been able to then reach the goal of really showing up fully as I am.
It's a constant battle, I'll tell you that. I'm not always going to be able to show up fully. Sometimes, I have to muster new courage to be able to do it.
Why you should care about this
Why is this important? Well, not being visible is stopping you from achieving your goals. Not being visible means that you're inhibiting yourself from fully living the life that you want to live.
Whether that's you hiding as a person or hiding in your business, or not being visible to the world, maybe in your relationships or in your community, it's holding you back. I know because I've been held back, and it feels crappy in these moments.
But somehow through a few different ways I'll share with you, I was able to persevere. I want to share with you how I got the courage to stop hiding.
What makes me want to share about this?
It's because I keep meeting A-type, driven, and successful women who say things like:
You've heard of “tall poppy syndrome” or “crabs in a bucket”. Basically, the idea that when you stand out, people are going to take you down. Just look at the hate online from trolls. The cowards behind their computer screens, typing away and saying such hurtful things.
Well, since I was a kid, I've been very blessed. God blessed me with skills, the ability to learn easily at school, the athleticism to play sports, and the confidence to be able to do things like public speaking and be the captain or the president of different groups. I know that I was given some innate skills, but I also worked my butt off to achieve by doing these things.
I did all of these things to be better, which then meant that I wasn't able to hang out with the other kids at lunchtime because I had a meeting or I was catching up on some work because I knew I had sports after school or clubs or something.
That meant in high school, I felt left out. On the weekends, there would be parties and events happening. This was before the day of the cell phone, and so I'd sit at home on a Friday or Saturday night waiting for the phone to ring, and the phone wouldn’t ring, and I'd call people and they'd have already left to go out for the night.
On a Monday, people would say, “Where were you?” Everyone thought that everyone else was inviting me out. Now, that a sad, unfortunate thing. It's not that I was bullied. But yet, I felt left out.
I was called a “brown noser”. People told my friends, “Oh yeah, she's just a perfectionist and teacher's pet and all that.” But my friends really knew me. Thankfully, they spoke up for me.
Then when I was invited to go and play for a boys’ soccer team, they did not accept me. When I was playing indoor with boys, and I would take the ball away from them, they would cuss me out and use very inappropriate sexual words towards me, and I've spoken about these in other blogs and podcast episodes. I'm just going through a list of these and maybe you've had some of these experiences.
In high school, when I was running for student council president, there was a guy who was also running for it. He wasn't a part of anything in school, he just wanted the title. He made up lies about me which split the graduating class’ votes and forced a lot of the school to have to choose to follow him or me. Then I thought, when I won, it would go away. Nope, it just got worse. I was basically slandered in school.
In my business, I've been wrongfully slandered. One of her connections told me, “She does this to people when she’s jealous of their success.” I know it was slander because the lawyer told me it was. I just chose not to put negative energy back into it. It’s sad these things happen.
It could be happening to you, too!
While you may not have had these specific cases, you may have felt like,
This happens over and over again and repeatedly in moments where we don't want to speak up and we don't want to be fully ourselves and we stay hiding because it's just easier. Then we throw COVID into the mix. Well, that's hard to step out of.
I totally get it if you're flying under the radar. I get why you don't want to be visible. I get why you're hiding. But we don't want to be in hiding anymore.
I must keep checking myself,
Am I worried about things?
That's not even counting in the possibility of, what if this doesn't work?
What if it does?
I when I deliver a keynote, and women come up to me with tears in their eyes, and they say, “Oh my gosh, I felt like you were speaking directly to me. Thank you for sharing that story. Thank you for pointing out these things. I could see the emotion on you, and boy, did it change me.”
And when I read comments, thank you cards, or emails that have been sent to me, and they say things like, “Diane, you've changed my life. Your program is the thing that gave me confidence. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be where I am today.”
When I'm coaching someone, and they tell me, “Diane, last week when this situation happened, I heard your voice. I heard your voice in my head. It gave me the clarity of what I had to do based on what I remember you saying.”
I know these moments are life changing for my clients. This is why I am not hiding. This is why I'm visible.
These moments are possible when you're stepping up, you're stepping out, you're visible, and you're doing the amazing work you're doing. Or you're not getting this response, and you're missing out on it because you're hiding.
It's important that we are visible. It's important that we are visible as our unique selves.
How did I get the courage to stop hiding?
Because I look at the thank-you cards. I read what they say. I look at the faces of the women at my events. I know they are way more important than the crap I could face from others.
You have to be visible. Now to which degree are you visible? That's up to you. This is one of the pillars in the Dynamic You Program is around shining. I'm not going to go fully into it. But the first stage of shining is hiding. You're not visible at all. You're not out there. People don't know you. People don't know what's going on.
Maybe based on the past few years with what's going on in your life, you are hiding. But it's hurting you because it's like the little spark has been distinguished. I've had moments where my spark has been a full-on flame. I've had other times when it’s at risk of being blown out or it already is.
It's important you get to put yourself out there in a way that feels safe. You have permission to do that. I have had many opportunities that have put me out there.
Things like being on podcasts, speaking on summits, being in collaborative books, and being interviewed. I was just interviewed by Jack Canfield a few weeks ago and I held a watch party for it! (If you want to watch the replay, email my team at firstname.lastname@example.org.)
It's important to put yourself out there in a way that feels safe. Maybe you're not a, “I'm going to get on stage with 20,000 people” sort of be out there. That's okay, and you're not going to be the mayor of your city. That's okay. You're maybe not going to start your own podcast, and that's okay.
Standing out for positive things is really what I mean. Which positive things? Whatever you're passionate about, whatever you're an expert in. They’re the positive things, right? I don't want you to stand out because you did something bad or because you're a bully.
Stand out for the things that your clients, your customers, your family, and your friends have grown to love about you. If you're standing out because you have blue hair, and you crack really great jokes, or you stand out because you make a mean apple pie, wonderful. Stand out for positive things.
I hope you take what I've said and see how you can have the courage to stop hiding and know that it's a process. I go into hiding sometimes. I come back out. I go into hiding, I come back out.
The key thing is going into hiding should just be to preserve your energy, so you can come out and SHINE again!
P.S. Grab the Dynamic You Book to learn more about the different pillars. Then stay tuned for the Dynamic You Program! If you'd like to know when the next program is coming out where I lead you through the nine pillars of being a dynamic woman, where shining is one of them, then please email email@example.com.
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