Last week we started talking about what you should be doing to get the most out of your mentorship relationship. Today, I’m sharing last 2 things you should ask from your mentor:
1. Making Connections
The next thing that you should look for from a mentor is connections. Your mentor maybe able to open doors to people you couldn’t have opened yourself. They could make that very important recommendation or introduction to these connections
Look at your mentor’s connections on LinkedIn and see if those are people you should be connected with. Check their other social media accounts too to see who they are already networking with.
A recent colleague of mine recently connected with somebody that I really, really want to do business with. I’m going to keep this in mind and when the time is right, I'll be asking them for an introduction.
Most mentors would be happy to make these connections for you, as long as it’s the right time and for the right reasons. Don't ask for these referrals on the first date with your mentor. Build the relationship with your mentor so they really get to know and trust you.
Connections are huge and you NEED to earn that trust. Perhaps your first step could be to ask your mentor about this person and what they’re like. They might even turn around and say, “You know what? Let me introduce you to them right now.”
You will most often need to earn this trust first by showing up to your mentor sessions on time, doing what you say you'll do, sending the agendas in, implementing what you've talked about, having that positive attitude and living according to your values. Then they'll be happy to introduce you to their connections.
2. Asking for Stories
When your mentor shares a strategy or point of view, ask them for a story that relates to the topic. Stories will help the idea or strategy sink in better for you and will really help you to see how to implement what they're talking about. Stories help make the strategy or idea more tangible or real.
A colleague of mine was sharing a point of view and told me a story about a conversation she had with Richard Branson on Necker Island! That helped create a picture in my mind and to really comprehend the point she was making.
Don't be afraid to ask, “Hey, did that actually happen to you?” or “Do you have a story that could explain that?”
Or when you first meet with mentor, ask if they can share some stories! Of course, some stories they can't share based on confidentiality with their clients or their business. You could say, “I’d love to hear stories of how these things have affected you, how they've influenced you, or how you've done certain things.”
Ask for stories to back up the points that they're making. And when you have a great mentor that tells great stories, oh my goodness, those things are going to stick in you!
If you don't already have a mentor, a coach, a consultant, someone that you can go to for advice or support, I suggest you go find one. You could start by browsing my website to see if our values align. If they do, let’s have a conversation about me being your mentor or coach.
No matter who you choose, find a mentor who inspires you and when you get started, show up looking to also inspire them. Have a very clear agenda of questions and topics you need advice on. Accept their strategies and be open to different points of view. Build that trust so they'll open up their Rolodex to you when you need it. And ask them to share their stories with you! Doing these five things will help get the most out of any mentorship in your life.
If you already have a mentor, think about these five things and ask yourself, “Am I really getting the best value from this mentorship opportunity? What do I need to do differently to get more out of it?”
A mentor can help you up-level any or all areas of your life! It is never too late or early to have someone in your life.
Do you have a mentor? Let me rephrase that…Do you have a GREAT mentor? The mentor-mentee relationship can provide you with so many great benefits, if you find the right person, and are dedicated to getting the most out of the opportunity.
But there lies the challenge. What should you look for in a mentor to make sure you’re getting the value you need from the relationship?
Who can be a mentor?
In a traditional sense, many mentors are actually volunteers. They are just supporting you and helping you and are NOT there to give away all their ideas and knowledge.
A mentor is there to help and guide you through whatever you're going through.
Your mentor could be a networking colleague, someone from a mastermind group, or even a cool aunt, a neighbour, or other person in your life who is doing really well in life or business.
There are also opportunities for paid mentorship where you pay to connect with someone. These people may call themselves consultants, coaches, or can be someone referred from a mentoring agency or organization.
So a “mentor” can come in the form of a colleague, coach, consultant, or advisor, as long as you define the relationship.
Here are the first three of five things you should be doing or considering in any mentorship arrangement:
1. Getting Inspired
Look for a mentor who can inspire you. We’re often siloed in our business or life. In our own little box, our own tiny fish bowl, under our own glass ceiling with own limiting beliefs and boundaries.
You should be inspired every time you talk to your mentor. When you’re inspired, you're often more motivated to go for the things you want. When you're inspired, you can get more done. You get into action faster and then to stay dedicated to that action.
Being inspired by a mentor, helps you get into resonance and resonance is energy flow.
On the flip side, your mentor should also be inspired by you! You may think, “Well, what could I teach them?” It's not about teaching. It's about showing up with positive energy, Gusto, with a can-do attitude and then actually doing the stuff and implementing it.
Your mentor can be inspired by your hustle or your positivity. Think about how you can inspire them. Just ask yourself, “How can I get inspired by them and how can I inspire them as well?”
Also look to be inspired, and learn, from their strategies! Great mentors share great strategies, helping you to strategize about whatever it is you’re struggling with or wanting to accomplish.
Mentors should be ahead of you in some way. Even if they are in a different industry, their experience can help you figure out a plan. To get the most value from your relationship, make sure you come prepared to every meeting…which is #2 below:
2. Creating Agendas
Come prepared to every mentor meeting with an agenda that includes the things that you are wanting to learn or get mentoring on.
Give your mentor your agenda in advance so that they can pre-think on the topics that you want to talk about. I do this with my clients. They send me a prep form before each session with everything they want to work on together. Then I know where they want to go, so I can help provide clarity and insight on exactly what they need.
In your agenda, be clear about the type of support you want and then use that word, ask them specifically, “Can you help me brainstorm ideas/give me feedback/choose the best option/see if I’m missing anything?”
Ask to strategize together. Strategize is another word for brainstorming. When you're open to talking through different strategies, you might find the one that works for you.
3. Being Open to Different Points of View
Everyone has their own unique set of experiences and knowledge, which leads to a unique point of view. We’re often in that fishbowl and don’t stop to consider, or even know, there are other ways to look at a situation because we are so consumed by the moment and our personal experience. This is often referred to as having limiting beliefs.
Being open to different points of view can create a perspective shift, which can help you break past barriers or obstacles. A new perspective you may never have thought of on your own, but one that comes from your mentor and their view of the world can be HUGE for you!
It could help you to make a quicker decision on something, help motivate you, or help you make more money.
Make sure you choose a mentor whose values are in alignment with yours. This way, when they share their perspectives with you, they are more likely to be in align with your values too.
Next week I’ll share the last 2 things you should be asking of your mentor.
When we overthink we can’t sleep. Then we experience more self-doubt or we get into a kind of paralysis where we’re not present anymore for the ones we love.
Last week we talked about overthinking, and what the studies (and our Dynamic Women® community) say about how long we should spend in focused decision-making time. Now let’s talk a bit about some ways to help us stop overthinking.
Here are a few ways you can encourage yourself to make the decision faster:
Here comes what my clients call a “Diane-ism!” Everything is figureoutable! (And how timely that it’s even in Marie Forleo’s latest book.)
It is the truth! You can figure this out. Keep focusing on active problem solving. Don't dwell on the problem. Don't dwell on the fact that you can't make a decision on this. Ask yourself, what steps can I take? What
can I do next to move me forward? Is this really the first question I need to be asking myself?
If right now truly isn’t the right time to make this decision, get some exercise. Go for a walk and be in nature or sleep on it. Know that everything is figureoutable and that you will be able to make a good decision. And if fear comes in, ask yourself if this will matter in five years or even five weeks.
Overthinking it takes your time. It takes your money. It takes convenience. It takes away balance and it gives you so many negative things. So why did we do it?
I implore you, don't do it anymore. Focus on the decision making and make small decisions as quickly as possible.
What is this is going to do? It's going to build your decision-making muscle. I mean, what's the worst that can happen from a bad decision? You're going to learn from it and you're going to know what decision to make the next time.
Don't take yourself so seriously. Get out there and make some decisions!
And I'd love to hear how this article has impacted you in your decision making and how you have made an awesome dynamic decision.
Are you a quick decision maker, or do you ponder a bit too long and overthink it?
This year for my 40th, I really want to have a big fun birthday, like going away to a beach somewhere so I put it out there in the universe. A friend ended up inviting me to Maui with her and a couple of her friends to celebrate her birthday. This was about four months before my own birthday. I thought about it quite a bit. I ended up humming and hawing.
Eventually I said to my husband, “Um, what do you think? All I'd have to cover is my flight. And my friends would be splitting the food, drinks, and the car.”
In retrospect it seemed like a pretty awesome deal and a great opportunity, right?
Yet, I couldn't say yes, but I also couldn't say no. I was overthinking it.
It wasn’t until my husband said, “You know, why not go for it? Why aren't you doing this? You can take the time off. It's obviously a fun trip to have. So just go.”
I ended up going on the trip, but what did it cost me to overthink that decision? By the time I said yes, they had already booked their flights and when I went to book the same flights it cost me more money. A substantial amount more! I started overthinking again and when I went to book later in the day, guess what happened?
It not only cost me more money, but also robbed me of some vacation time. The only flight I could book got me to our condo after everyone was in bed. I missed out on the first night of fun. I also lost out on the convenience of sharing a car together (I had to take a shuttle, alone).
The trip was fantastic and I’m glad I made that decision, and even though it had a positive outcome, overthinking still cost me so much!
Why do we overthink?
What makes us overthink? Well, we have our schedules, goals, priorities, and important decisions to make every single day, every moment, right?
As you may already know, I have 2 kids and a business. There's always something to make a decision about in my life.
It's gotten pretty natural for busy women like us, but this tendency to overthink can totally hinder your progress. Perfectionism and procrastination are the two negative results of overthinking. I’ve heard women also say it makes them feel overwhelmed and paralyzed. Have you heard the expression “paralysis by analysis?”
What are some things that you overthink? Is it something about your kids? Is it related to life balance? What's for dinner? Big decisions like deciding if you should move or change jobs? Maybe you overthink about doing your taxes? Do you overthink marketing if you have a business? And do you overthink your choice of ice-cream?
Oh man, all of this overthinking takes up time!
What does overthinking actually do to you and others? Because we're doing it all the time, we obviously don't feel the pain or consequences strong enough.
Maybe you didn’t sleep last night. You laid awake most of the night because your brain wouldn’t shut off, thinking over every decision you made yesterday and thinking of every decision you need to make the next day.
The next morning, you went for coffee with a friend and were physically there with them, but your brain was overthinking a decision, or just not thinking clearly because you are lacking sleep.
How long SHOULD you spend making decisions?
After this whole situation with my Maui trip, my curious mind wondered how long it should take a person to make a decision. How long for small decisions? Like what are you going to have for dinner, what you’re going to order at the restaurant, what to wear today. Then what about more potentially life-changing decisions like, do I quit my job? Is it the right time to have children?
I did a bit of research and what I found was that small decisions should take you about 30 seconds and then the big decisions should take about 30 minutes. But, when I asked my community of Dynamic Women® at our live events, what I found was the answers range from a few hours to a few days, to a few weeks, to a few months to make those big decisions. They said the smaller decisions can be made in seconds, minutes, or even longer.
What is focused decision-making time?
Now you may be thinking, how can someone make a big decision, like what house to pick, in under 30 minutes?
Well, my research is referring to something called, Focused Decision-Making Time. Some actual, dedicated time you take to make your decision.
How does focused decision making work for small decisions? Let’s say you’re trying to pick your meal at a restaurant. You look and see the yummy sushi on page one, then you see a yummy chicken dish, and also a Cobb salad. You’ve now narrowed your choices to three. If you really focus on it (maybe even set a 30 second timer) it seems likely that you can make your choice without overthinking it.
Now, let's look at a bigger decision like buying a house. At this point, you've probably already seen a lot of houses. You can see what's good and what's bad about each home, even considering the price point, the neighborhood, and how much work you're going to have to do on it. You narrow your potential new homes to about three to four. What if you set a timer for 30 minutes. When that timer goes off, do you think you could have your decision? Very possible if it’s dedicated and focused decision-making time.
Focused decision making means you're not doing other things or multi-tasking. You're not letting it percolate. You are not just going about your day. You're actually sitting and looking to have a result of a decision by the end of the time.
Now you might say “Oh, Diane, I could never do that! It takes me forever to make decisions,” or “I like to honor the space and just kind of sleep on it or let it just sit there. I know that I'm gonna figure it out.” Or “I'll see a sign and so I'm just going to do other things and then come back to it later.”
In reality, so often when we put decisions like this on the back burner they never actually happen!
Take the Dynamic Women® Podcast, for example. A few years ago, I decided to wanted to start a podcast. I really wanted it. It wasn't that I was overthinking it, it was more so that I just didn't make the decision to commit to it. I felt other things were more important at the time. So, it's not necessarily that I was overthinking, but I definitely missed out on having it happen.
What if instead I started that timer? Gave myself three minutes, 30 minutes, 13 minutes, just some specific dedicated time to make a decision and decide a first step. I think I may have started my podcast back then, instead of letting it stew for years before I actually made the decision and commitment to do it.
So, I’ve shared a few stories of the consequences of my indecision and overthinking. What is something you’ve been overthinking lately?
Next week on the blog we’re going to look at the solutions to overcome what you may be overthinking right now and in the future.
We’ve talked recently about identifying good and bad habits and replacing bad habits with new ones that serve you. Now we need to look at how to use these habits to reach your goals.
What are your goals in life? Do you want to get back to working out? Do you want to start sleeping eight hours a day? Do you want to get up early? Do you want to up-level your business? Do you want to attract more clients? Do you want to have a stronger marriage, a better relationship with a family member or a friend?
What is a goal that you want to reach? Now look at your current habits and ask yourself, do these support the goals I want to have?
Your bad habits probably don’t support your goals, and that’s what makes them bad habits.
Your good habits bring you closer to achieving your goals, and that’s what makes them good habits.
Using GOOD habits to move you towards your goals
Now think about what new good habits you need to adopt to bring your closer to your goals. Here are two examples:
Having Successful Habits Will Make You A Successful Person
Think of someone you consider successful in your life or in the world. You can bet they have established good habits that push them towards reaching their success goals. But, it's up to you to figure out the habits you need to reach your goals.
That’s my wish for you! Take some time today to go through your list of habits (the good and the bad). If you were to just drop one bad habit. Really consciously put effort into dropping that one bad habit and pick up one good habit that's going to help you achieve your goals, you my friend are going to be a more successful and dynamic woman.
Congratulations for investing this time in yourself. I know it is going to pay off. If you have some really good habits and ideas that you want to share, please reach out. You can find me at @coachdianerolston on Instagram or comment below with your questions or comments.
So, until next time, stay dynamic!
Do you have habits that doesn't serve you anymore? What habits do you want to break?
Maybe you snack while you watch TV? Do you drink too much? Go to bed late? Do you bite your nails? What are some bad habits that you want to break and do you know how do you break them?
First, you need to know why are you doing the bad habit in the first place. Are you snacking while you're watching TV because you're bored and your “eating” your emotions?
Are you going to bed late because you're not getting up early enough? Or are you going to bed late because you just have too many things on your plate? Maybe the bad habit really is that you're saying “yes” too much that you're taking too much on.
To get rid of your bad habits, first look at reason, motivation, or influence for that bad habit? And then ask yourself what's important about breaking this habit?
If the habit is, for example, snacking too much while watching TV, think about what is so important to you about breaking that? Is it because you want to be healthier? Because you don't want to go to bed with a full stomach? Or because you just end up watching trash on TV anyway. Maybe you want to read more, go to bed earlier, exercise, or do a different habit that is going to actually going support you and help you.
I had to ask myself that earlier this year when I wasn’t eating well and the reason was I was wanting to eat my emotions around my Dad’s cancer. I couldn’t do anything to take his cancer away and the chips and donuts helped me to drown my emotions. But this bad habit didn’t support me.
Find the core reason for your bad habit, a cue that is actually making you do the habit.
As a mom and a coach, I've talked to my fellow moms and clients, many say that as soon as the kids are in bed, all they want to do is grab a glass of wine. Now I'm not gonna sit here and judge you because I feel it too and I don’t know your reasons for drinking wine. I’ll be honest that I feel the same way too. The back and forth “Just get to bed!” routine with the kids is stressful. Maybe that’s why you reach for a drink, or maybe you have another stress in your life that is your cue and the first thing you want to do is just get a beer or glass of wine just to calm down. Is that really the best habit in that situation, if I am using it to self-soothe?
Probably there are better habits for self-soothing like meditation, going for a walk, or talking to a friend.
How to replace bad habits
Now, what do you do after identifying your trigger?
Start by replacing that bad habit with a good habit? For example, if you don’t want to go to bed so late, come up with a going-to-bed ritual or routine and get to bed earlier.
If you're snacking while watching TV instead think “I'm going to go drink a glass of water and grab some veggies.” Or “I'm going to do 10 push-ups.” Or “I’m going to journal.” Find a habit that will actually support you instead.
Then your next task is to attach this new good habit to another good habit you already have.
For example, if you’re someone who's feeling like they're constantly being negative, try bringing in the good habit of affirmations or gratitude. If you have already a habit in the morning of making yourself a coffee or tea, attach your new habit to that established habit. Then each time you brew your coffee, think of all things that you are grateful for.
When you attach a new habit to good established habit that you already have, the good habit becomes your trigger or cue, and it’s a win-win all around.
Next week, we’ll discuss how to use your newly anchored habits to achieve your goals.
In the meantime, comment below on some goals you’re going to work on replacing over the next seven days.
So, until next time, stay dynamic!
Do you ever look at successful people in wonder? How do they do it?
Do you want to get ahead in your life, but it seems like hard work and constant struggles?
Well, there are things that you can do that will help you in leaps and bounds.
Let’s start by having you look at your good habits because they will help support you in reaching your goals.
What are “good” habits?
First, what is a good habit? Good habits are actions you take on a regular basis that are linked to your behaviours, and they benefit your physical and mental health. Good habits are often thought to need a high level of discipline and self-control. But are they?
Ask yourself, what are some good habits that you have right now? What are things you do daily or often that really are beneficial to you?
Take a minute, write a few down, or just think of a few. What’s on your list?
I’ve made a list of really good habits that support my values, beliefs, and goals. Do you share any of these 10?
Now looking at each habit we can see how they are important to us.
For example, one of my good habits is I make my bed everyday. What is the importance of that for me? Well I work from home and my office is quite near my bedroom. So, when I go to the bathroom I walk through my bedroom to my en-suite. Can you imagine walking through your room seeing your bed NOT made? That wouldn’t be the greatest sight, but if it’s made seeing it all neat and tidy, actually feels really good! It’s a little boost for my energy.
How morning rituals make you successful
What are some really good habits you have and how do they add to your success?
Well, if you start your day by doing something great like getting up early, meditating, working out, eating a good breakfast, or like me making your bed, do you think that kicks off your day in the best way? For sure. It totally does! Successful people not only have morning habits but they have a whole morning ritual of habits.
The morning is a really great place to start having good habits so you start your day off right. This is when you're going to get the most benefit because it fuels the rest of your day!
Do you like to hit your snooze button when your alarm goes off? Do you wake up and immediately reach for your phone? If you want to break yourself of these bad habits, think about what would be an ideal habit to have in the morning?
One popular morning ritual I reference in my book Dynamic You is called the Miracle Morning. It’s a book by Hal Elrod created around as series of steps called LifeSAVERS: Silence, Affirmations, Visualization, Exercise, Reading, and Scribing (or journaling). Where you do each for 10 minutes or make your own timing for them.
Many successful people have other morning routines you can follow, or you can make one that serves you.
You can also create new and good habits that tie into getting ready for work, starting your day, or getting into different activities that you have.
This week I challenge you to really look at the good habits you have now, and good habits you want to have because next week I’ll share the secret to how successful women achieve their goals by adding new good habits, and how they replace their bad habits with good ones.
In the meantime, don’t forget to subscribe and give us a 5-star review on the Dynamic Women Podcast.
So, until next time, stay dynamic!
I believe that every woman is dynamic!
As women we share many commonalities and many differences and it’s the combination of the two that makes us dynamic.
I have started noticing commonalities among women I consider to be dynamic in my life.
Based on my observations, I have developed a list of 5 similarities that dynamic women share. Do you have them all?
1. Dynamic women encompass many skills and talents
Dynamic women come from all walks of life. These women come together regardless of age, demographic, likes/dislikes. Together, we create a community that is truly all inclusive so that no woman would feel like, “Oh, that's not me, so I can't be a part of that group.”
When you embrace your unique set of skills and talents, and be accepting of the talents of others, you can be a truly dynamic woman.
2. Dynamic women focus on who they are, not what they do
A dynamic woman focuses on who she is, not her titles, nor what she does, so she shows up as her authentic self. As a coach, I was witnessing the judgment that many of my clients were facing as they often felt defined and judged based on their professional and societal titles. The world was putting them into a pre-sorted box, and it wasn’t fair. This judgement was preventing them from being fully themselves.
When you start focusing on who you are, not what you do or your titles given to you by society, you can be a truly dynamic woman.
3. Dynamic women show up
When they show up, you just know they’re dynamic. You can sense it based on being around them. Not only how you see them from afar, but how you feel when they're near. They're interesting!
When you show up with a positive outlook and vibe, you can be a truly dynamic woman.
4. Dynamic women make you feel great
The way you feel around dynamic women is super awesome. You sometimes feel a connection or just feel like you want to talk to them for the long time. It’s that sensation you feel when in a flowing conversation with them, when you want to know more about them because they're so interesting and there's a positive vibe between the two of you.
When you show up as your authentic self, others will naturally gravitate to you, and you can be a truly dynamic woman.
5. Dynamic women embrace change
You might not really notice, but change is happening everywhere and all around you. We don't have to be afraid of change even though sometimes we are. Just think of it as growing or stepping fully into who you are. You can try to control these things or you can just embrace change. And I'll tell you, embracing change is just so much easier than trying to keep things the same because you can't keep things the same.
When you roll with the punches and really embrace change as it happens, you can truly be a dynamic woman.
So I'm curious, which of these five would you say is true about you? Probably a lot of them, if not all of them.
Unleashing your Dynamic You™
(Check out the Dynamic You Program here)
I want to help you unleash your Dynamic You™. I'm going to help you to step more fully into being a dynamic woman. How are we going to do that? Well, I'm bringing together top thought leaders, experts in their industry, other dynamic women who are going to inspire you. I'm going to share their stories, share their insights, the tangible tips that they found useful for their lives, for their careers, for their businesses, or in motherhood, and putting all of these things together in this blog (and on the Dynamic Women Podcast ) to share with you!
The first step is to really get to know each other. And I really look forward to doing that, to helping you bring more success into your life, or more balance, or to just become unapologetically you. I want to help you see know that you're not the only one is dealing with “stuff.” Together we will create a community where you can find commonality with the other women who are struggling or who are having great success in their lives.
The Dynamic Women community that we’re creating provides a way for me to reach more people and for more people to get the personal and professional development that they deserve that can really make a huge difference in their lives.
Follow along on my blog and my podcast as I curate the best content so that you can up-level your life and feel more balanced…
If you have a specific topic or person that you want to learn from, reach out to me. You can send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. This will help me know what topics you want, who you want me to interview, or what you're struggling with so that I can bring some awareness and inspiration and tools to you.
Let’s unleash your Dynamic You together so you can live life more often as a dynamic woman.
Have you ever felt a pull towards someone that you couldn’t explain right away? Have you ever seen a woman at an event and thought “Ohhh, I need to talk to her!”
You have probably just spotted a dynamic woman. You know when you feel that tiny spark!
“What is a dynamic women?” Well, I’m going to tell you right off the bat who a dynamic woman really is. A dynamic woman is…you, of course.
We are all dynamic women and it's really important that we recognize this in ourselves.
Creating an all-inclusive community of women
In 2013 I wanted to start a women's community, a global club for women to come together, support each other, connect, learn, grow, champion each other, be friends with each other, and do business with each other. I was trying to come up with a word that would encompass all kinds of women, you know, like the shy ones and the outgoing ones, the business women, the moms and the non-moms.
I wanted to include all women, regardless of age, demographic, likes/dislikes. A community that was truly all inclusive so that no woman would feel like, “Oh, that's not me, so I can't be a part of that group.” This is where the word “dynamic” came from.
Dynamic. It’s powerful and active. It means different things to different people because it can encompass many different qualities. And that's why I really love the word.
When I started the live Dynamic Women events, I launched eight locations around British Columbia. At each one I would ask the group, “Hey, what makes a woman dynamic?”
They shot back words like: sassy, vicious, free, carefree, loving, organized, and so many other words that were unique to them. The women also used words that described how women do things, not just descriptions of who they were or their titles in society.
A dynamic woman focuses on who she is, not her titles, nor what she does, so when she shows up as a dynamic woman she is her authentic self.
Remember back to a time when you’re talking with a group of women, and one seemed to stand out from the rest and you thought, “Ah! she seems to be the person to know.” Or perhaps you saw a woman quietly keeping to herself at the table, but you think to yourself, “Hey, there's something mysterious about her and I need to meet her.”
All those times that you felt a sort of magnetic pull towards someone…that was probably a dynamic woman.
Now, you may be wondering “Diane, why did you bother to start this group, this community of dynamic women, this global club? Why do feel so strongly about putting time, energy, and resources into building the global club?”
Well, three main goals come to mind:
Today, through the Dynamic Women global club, my podcast, and my blog, I am building a higher level of inclusivity for our society where any women can belong.
I purposely chose not to use words like “confident” or “powerful” in the name of this community because I felt like women might not view themselves as confident or powerful, and thus exclude themselves from the group. Even though these are powerful words, I still felt they were limiting and could turn people away.
In the Dynamic Women community, we are allowed to build true relationships, without judgment, and create genuine connection with our fellow women. We're a community where we thrive as individuals, thrive as a group, and were we can authentically support each other.
Next week on the blog we’re going to talk a little more about 5 qualities that make a woman dynamic.
In the meantime, learn more about being dynamic in the Dynamic Women Podcast.
This article was originally published on February 24, 2016 and has been updated.
Confidence is like an outfit. It can be sexy, it can be cute—sometimes, it can be flat-out over the top.
Wearing confidence is like wearing an outfit. Worn the right way, confidence is sexy. Worn the wrong way, it’s quite the opposite.
These days, I feel like most people are wearing confidence all wrong.
People who wear confidence the wrong way are getting their confidence from the wrong source.
Let’s start with what I feel confidence is.
What is confidence?
Real confidence takes us out of our comfort zone. It challenges us. A confident person knows that no matter how challenging or difficult a situation, they can own it.
Confidence is presenting a speech in front of hundreds of people who intimidate you, and still feeling good about yourself, despite what you are wearing or what you look like.
Confidence is owning it.
It’s knowing that you have the knowledge and power to do whatever you want.
Confidence is loving yourself, and it comes from inside.
What’s wrong with confidence in today’s society? With the growing popularity of social media, it is external factors that are either bringing us confidence or depleting our confidence.
Posting pictures on social media and receiving ‘likes’ gives people artificial confidence and validation.
At the opposite end of the spectrum, social media can make people feel inadequate. It makes us question why our lives aren’t as perfect as the lives we see portrayed there.
These external factors are influencing our self worth, and this is not healthy.
Sure, a great pair of heels and new hairdo can make us feel confident. Posting a picture on social media with the same heels and hair can also make us feel more confident. But this confidence is fleeting (and artificial) if it doesn’t come from within.
A deeper level of confidence doesn’t take a pair of sexy shoes or a handful of likes on Instagram.
So whether you’re in a pair of brand new heels or your oldest joggers, if you have the confidence, you'll look sexy either way. Your confidence and sexiness will simply shine through.
My 3 Steps to Sexy Confidence
1. Believe in yourself.
Like I said, confidence comes from within. If you believe in yourself, and believe in every single thing you do, your words and your actions will reflect this.
Whether consciously or not, people pick up on inner confidence. It is reflected through you and your actions. When confidence is reflected through you, people not only see it, but feel it. When you believe in yourself, others believe in you as well.
Being too confident. No one likes talking to someone’s ego. When people talk to others who have a big ego, it’s almost like a contest to see if they can one-up you, or try to prove how much better they are than you.
Being too modest. You don’t want to come across as having a low opinion of yourself—or that there’s nothing worth celebrating. There is a lot to celebrate about being you, so don’t be modest about it!
Find that sweet spot between modesty and over-confidence. But be careful—it can be very easy to cross the line between modesty and over-confidence.
Don’t be afraid to share some of the great things that are happening in your life. But when you are sharing your accomplishments, be sure to ask others about the accomplishments going on in their life. You can ask something like: what have you done recently that you are proud of?
2. Celebrate others.
Everyone loves being acknowledged for a job well done. It’s in our nature.
Being recognized when you’ve put your hard work into something is a great feeling.
Embrace this feeling. And share it with others.
Being able to celebrate others and their success shows absolute confidence. It shows that you care not only about your own success, but other people’s as well.
When you celebrate others, you shine a light on them and bring out your own inner confidence.
Only celebrating your own success and/or not acknowledging others for their support. If someone has helped you get to where you are then thank them!
Never take credit for others’ success. This has happened to me several times throughout my career. It is dishonest, and will show its way eventually. Own up to your successes, and when someone else succeeds, don’t take credit for it—celebrate them!
Compliment people. Acknowledge them and their hard work. It can be as easy as saying “You’re inspiring”, or “I admire the way you run your business”. Write them a card, send them an email, take them out for lunch—doing this shows your confidence—and it's sexy.
3. Stay committed.
Setting goals, working towards them, and staying focused can be difficult—and scary. You don’t know if you will be able to accomplish what you have set out to do, or how hard the road will be.
One of the sexiest things about confidence is being able to face the unknown—facing the hard times and obstacles and overcoming challenges.
Commitment will attract your dreams. There are times when it’s easy to give up when the going gets tough, but a confident person overcomes. A confident person stays committed and never gives up.
Giving up at the first obstacle or challenge. I have seen this all too often in both my career and personal life, when someone just gives up when things get difficult.
Remember: goals take time. They take hard work to achieve. If they were easy, everyone would do it. If a goal doesn’t take commitment, it’s too small.
Continuously changing your mind. You have to stay consistent. If people see that you aren’t committed, they won’t take you seriously. They won’t support you.
Going forward with a goal. Even if you don’t know where it will take you or how it will result.
Confidence is about being able to trust yourself. Trusting yourself to figure it out, asking for help when you need it, and persevering through all challenges.
You don’t know unless you try.
Ask yourself two questions when you start to lose confidence:
“What do I need to know about this?”
“How do I get around or through that?”
Then, go do it! Become a Dynamic You!
I often get told that I am confident. Yes, that may be true—but it is always a work in progress. Why?
Because as I grow, and as my business grows, and as I expand the services I offer, I enter unknown territory. I’m human like everyone else. I do things I'm scared of, things I've never done before. I meet and work with people I have admired from afar. I hit challenges and roadblocks that seem insurmountable.
But I believe in myself. My belief, my ability to celebrate others, and my commitment are what give me confidence and help me succeed in business and in life.
It’s not always easy.
But where’s the fun in easy?
Liked this post? Here are three more you might also like to read!
A Woman's Guide to Business Survival
How to Get to the Next Level
The Secret to Staying Positive and Passionate
P.S. I’m always adding to my curated list of ways to be confident, so if you have another idea (which I’m confident you have!) then please share it below or send it to me privately at email@example.com)
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