Do you feel like you’re dropping the ball and don’t know how to get back on top?
We have this metaphor about juggling balls in our lives with all of the tasks we are trying to get done. When we forget something or don’t do something we say, “Oh I dropped the ball on that.”
This could just be a normal occurrence because you always have too much on your plate, and you're always busy. You're always running from one thing to another. Or maybe it's because life got busy all of a sudden:
Even your kids, softball, and coach add another layer of responsibility. I know that you want to be on top of things. I know you want to be the one who not only does what they say, but also does it in a way that has great results.
You don't want to be just doing things at 50%. I know you want to get things done the right way andon time with the best results possible.
What do we do when we have so many balls we’re juggling or so many plates that we’re spinning? How do we get through that time where it feels crazy?
In one way or another, we’re going to drop something, forget something, not complete something and not do the best job we wanted to do.
Imagine we’re juggling so many balls when life gets overwhelming and we’re bound to drop a ball here or there. That can be a problem. Again imagine we’re juggling balls but this time, some are glass balls and some are rubber balls. If you drop a rubber ball they will bounce and you can just pick them up later. But if you drop the glass balls they will be damaged or break when you drop them.
First of all, how do you know which are glass balls and which are rubber balls? Well, I have to let you know that this will change constantly. It's really about you sitting down with all the areas of life.
Things like your health, kids, and finances are usually the glass balls. If you drop them, they will crack, or break and there will be consequences:
You have to ask yourself, "At this moment in time, which areas of my life are the most important?" By most important, I mean, which areas if dropped, will break, will crack, and there will be consequences. Let me go through the different areas:
Look at all areas of your life and ask yourself, which are my top priorities right now in life?
I'd say maybe you have three or four glass balls. Oftentimes, when life gets overwhelming or when we get sick or something extra falls onto our plate, this is when we have to go into “maintenance mode”. This means the mode where you figure out what your glass balls are, which are rubber balls, so your focus is on the important ones and then you don't have to worry about those areas as much. You can drop or lower your standards and your attention to those areas.
For example, the time when my son broke his femur. He was about two and a half. He was in a hip spica cast, basically a full body cast. With that, he was at home and he needed me for everything. You know how toddlers are. They want a lot and very quickly.
I'm working from home, but I'm also caring for him. So I knew that things like cleanliness of the house or seeing my friends and time with my husband at that point just wasn't as important. These were a few of the balls that I could just let bounce. They were rubber.
Other times like in the passing of my father, or even in the time that he was in palliative care, I knew that my glass balls at that moment were my family, my health, my friends, and my spiritual life. My business, I put on the backburner (other than serving my current clients), also my personal development and fun and recreation. These other areas just were not on my radar.
What you can do
I ask you now, based on where you are in life, which are the glass balls that you're juggling, and which ones are your rubber balls? Now that you know that, what do you do with that information?
You need to make sure that your calendar has time for the glass balls. That your schedule adds in focus time so you can do things to help those areas, strengthen them, or check things off on your list. Then look at the rubber balls. What does it mean to let things go in those areas, to let things slide or to go into maintenance mode where you just maintain that level, or you let it go just slightly below your satisfaction level and you don't put as much focus on it? If it works for you financially, you can also bring in help for those areas, like a cleaner, a meal service, or take an Uber instead of the bus to save time.
What does it look like if the rubber ball involves other people? For example, if you were to do this with friends, you can reach out to friends and say, “Hey, I've got this big project at work right now, so I'm not going to be able to make our weekly meal out or a weekly call. It's just for the next three weeks, and then I would love to reconnect with you all.” I’m sure they will understand.
Maybe you've been reading every day for 10 minutes or a half hour and you know that you need that extra time to be able to check in on a family member. Great. So be it. You just don't read as much for that week or two.
You get to make the decision. You get to decide what you are keeping and what you are putting on pause or just not putting as much time and energy into. This idea of we're all juggling glass balls and rubber balls really just comes down to:
You don't have to be on top of everything in every single area of life. This tactic is really one of the easiest ways to rebalance your life to be able to refocus on the things that are most important and will really help you to move forward. As a reminder, each time you go into “Maintenance Mode” could give you a different set of priorities, a different set of glass balls.
You just really need to be the one to make that decision, then put a plan in place and let those around you know if they're going to be involved or affected by it. Many times in my life, I have had to go into maintenance mode. I have had to let the rubber balls just bounce and bounce and bounce. This is not a forever thing. Eventually you do get to pick those balls up and honor those priorities again. But at certain points in your life:
It doesn't matter. What matters is your sanity. What matters is your priorities. What matters is you're going to be able to overcome this and move into a time where you get to pick all those balls up again and juggle them while feeling calm and confident.
If you're looking for a way to find more balance in your life or to go deeper on your priorities and how to really figure out which balls are glass and which balls are rubber, then reach out and let's do the “Life Balance Audit”. This is a complimentary session I offer from time to time which will help you see where you can balance your life. I have 5 to gift right now and you can book yours by messaging me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Do you need a proven method to boost your confidence?
Confidence is one of those things some people think either you're born with or you're not, but the truth is it’s something you can build in yourself.
You’ll love this one simple and easy action that you can do to boost your confidence in any area of life and also at any time in your life.
The problem with confidence is that we feel like we need to be confident with everything, right from the very beginning. This is almost never the case, especially with something that's new.
I look back now after publishing four of my own books and being published in three others. I can remember that first time, that idea of “Oh my gosh, I'm going to put a book together. I’ve never done this before. How am I going to do this? I'm freaking out!”
Then, my saboteurs were coming in and saying a whole bunch of stuff like:
Have you heard those voices before, the limiting beliefs can hold you back?
Well, the easiest way to shut them up and the fastest way to boost your confidence is to say you're going to do something and then do it.
Let me illustrate
If you say, “I'm going to write a book” it might feel like a big leap. It’s a big thing to be taking on and in saying it, you could be thinking, “I'm not going to feel confident if I say that I'm going to be an author.”
Instead, could you just do that first step? Now, what would be the first step to writing a book? Sit with that question for a minute. What would be the first step to writing a book?
Do you think that you could figure out that one first step and then do it? So let's say that you were going to write a book and that first step was to come up with what you would write about. How long do you think it would take you to figure that out? Maybe just a half hour asking yourself some questions and brainstorming. Who knows you might already have it off the top of your head.
So let’s say the first task towards writing your own book was choosing a topic/message, or deciding whether it's fiction or nonfiction.
Just make sure the step is something you 150% believe you can do. Then when you say you'll do it, you commit to doing it, and you actually do it - this is how you build confidence.
If you don't know how to do the step, how could you figure that out? You break it down even smaller than that. For example, to figure out the topic for your book here’s how you could get it done.
See, these are all easy first steps. What seems to be “a hard first step'' can be broken down even smaller.
Then the next step of committing could be, “I'm going to have a conversation with a coach, a book publisher, a friend, or a client. I'm going to book that call. I'm going to have that call.” What if that was your first step? Are you 150% sure that you could do that? If the answer is yes. Then you do it.
When you commit to something that you 150% know that you can do, that you have the ability to do, and that you will do, then you go do it. That is you proving you can do the things you say you'll do. That you can be committed and follow through. This is the easiest way to build confidence.
Here’s another example, if your goal is to increase your confidence in working out or going to the gym, the first step can be to call a gym and ask about membership? It could be buying that new pair of running shoes!
Though calling the gym is not working out, just doing this first step, this small first step, saying you'll do it, actually following through and doing it and having the result, this will build your confidence.
Then when you get a whole bunch of these “150% I can do this” sort of steps, you build confidence with each step, and you get closer and closer and closer to the goal.
This is how I originally started with putting together the Dynamic You book. What's it about you ask? Well, since I was leading a group called Dynamic Women, everyone kept asking me, “So Diane, what's a dynamic woman?” I thought maybe it was time to actually share the answer. Then I had a conversation with a friend who walked me through what else would be in it. We talked about it and she was able to pull the information out of me.
The first thing I committed to was the same as my example, what do I want it to be about? I 150% knew that I could come up with one topic. Then I 150% knew I could have a conversation with a friend and talk through it. By then talking it through, I committed to figuring out what the chapters would be by coming up with a framework. The framework was having the Nine Pillars of being a Dynamic Woman. I committed to defining the Nine Pillars, and then I committed to fleshing out each chapter.
I’ll admit I was freaked out when I thought, ‘I'm going to write a book.’ The funny thing is I also had to do it in 90 days because it was being purchased for a women’s convention that I was being flown in to present at. But that's what ended up happening because all I did was commit to the next step that I could 150% do.
Then Your Confidence Grows More!
Then not only do you build confidence by doing those small steps, but then you feel more confident to take on bigger goals and opportunities. Ones that push your boundaries, different steps, different tasks that you never would have thought of doing before. I would have never thought of formatting my own book, and publishing it on Amazon. I never would have thought to do a collaborative book and welcome other women to share their story not once but I did it twice. If you told me all that on day one, I wouldn't have believed it. I would have been freaked out. I would have thought, how can I ever do that?
Now the cool thing is, I'm so confident about putting out books that I have also shown my team how to publish a Journal and helped clients to put together their own books! But I never started that way.
Taking off the pressure of knowing every single step, and having to be ready for each of those steps on day one, helps to build your confidence because all you have to do is know what the next step and be 150% confident that you can do it, and then follow through.
I ask you now what area of life do you need to boost your confidence in?
So what do you do now? Figure out something that you want to accomplish and ask yourself, what is the smallest first step that you could possibly take, that you 150% believe, that you can achieve. Then go do it. You'll start to see what you can accomplish and your confidence increases.
I know you can figure out that 1st simple step and get it done!
The next step will increase in its level of difficulty. But you got this. You can do it. When you apply this, let me know how it goes. Comment below. Share in a post and tag me. Or shoot me an email at email@example.com
Have you ever felt that you had so many things vying for your attention that you wondered, “where should I focus my energy and attention?”
Probably. I’ll help you answer this.
Maybe in the past 20 months, you’ve had to keep checking with regulations, restrictions, and with ways of keeping everyone safe.
These are common thoughts:
And now it’s the start of 2022. Where you put your time, energy and attention is important for your success.
I’m going to ask you some powerful questions (because questions are always the things that move us forward).
The First Question
In 2021 and in past years, where have you invested your time, energy and money?
If I was to take your calendar I could probably see where you focused your energy and attention.
But what else didn’t make it in your planned schedule?
I hope you've got some idea of where you did focus. Moving forward, is that still where you want to focus your attention? Is that the best place to invest your time, energy and money?
Well, I'll tell you, the best places to choose are the ones that give you the biggest return on investment. You need to know that. What is going to be giving you the best ROI?
What area could you focus on that would actually give you a 10x return?
You know the area. It's you. You are where you should invest your time. You are where you should invest your energy. You are where you should invest your money.
Because you're going to have the biggest return, not just in your work or in your business, but in all 10 areas of life.
Sadly, as women, we tend to focus on other people’s needs. We forget about ourselves. We need to focus on ourselves and not feel guilty about it. And I find a lot of people invest in outward things. But why don't we invest in ourselves first? It could be that you grew up in a place or a time when you spend money on the things you needed like in the traditional sense like Maslow's Hierarchy of needs. You need shelter, so you’re paying your rent or you’re paying your mortgage. You need food so you’re paying for groceries. Same with medicine and also clothes.
All these different examples are items you really have to buy to be able to stay safe and secure.
Then there's the wants. Those cute shoes or handbag. Maybe some special spa services. The things that you think are the extras or that you still buy, but you're not getting as much of an investment back.
We've maybe been taught to go without it. You could feel like if you’re going to have any money to invest, it's going to be in marketing your business or in paying for services for your business. That's all great, but your yearly budget should also include personal development.
Some people wouldn't even think twice about putting 20, 40, or 100 grand down for university, but they wouldn't invest in:
What's the difference?
Answering these questions is going to bring some things into light and help you decide what you want to focus on.
You do get excited about stuff, right? What do you like? What excites you? What gets you all fired up? Do you get excited about watching your kids play sports? Do you get excited about playing the piano? Or maybe about cooking? Or your favorite TV show? Or a certain type of car? What gets you all fired up? What gets you all excited?
2. How excited do you get about your own potential?
Do you even get excited about your potential? Have you even thought about your potential? You're maybe like, “Oh, not really. I just kind of make goals and go for it.” But if you can get excited about your own personal potential and set goals around that, where could you be at the end of the year? Have you figured that out?
You may be thinking about goals, and you've written them down, and maybe written down a business plan or a strategy for the next 12 months. But have you planned about where you want to be and how you want to grow personally by the end of the year?
Imagine if you were just 1% better every single day. So you worked on your potential, and you stepped into that 1% every day. You did something to better yourself, whatever it may be:
Now, if you do that 1% every single day, by the end of the next 12 months, you'd be 365% better. That's all you really need to do.
How excited do you now get about your own potential? Have you thought about what your own potential is? Or do you feel like you're in the fixed mindset of “This is how I am and I'm just not good at that or not good at this or I've capped out where I can get promotions or I've kind of hit the level of my business success.”
We talk to kids about their potential:
We talk to kids about where they should go and what they need to do to get there. But are we doing that for adults still? I don't think so. Do you have a plan on what you need to do to be able to reach that full potential?
Probably not. Most of the people I speak with and the audiences I'm giving keynotes to or doing workshops for, they don't even know what they want. They don't know enough about themselves. And when they do well, they don't even celebrate their successes.
How can you step into your potential, if you don't even celebrate who you already are? I’m not talking about like potential to have this much in sales. I mean, your human potential.
Yes, we can get excited about business. We can get excited about goals, but not to be a downer,the only constant is you!
Jobs come and go. Some marriages come and go. People come and go. Health comes and goes. You are the only constant. You are the only one who will stay the same in your life, meaning you're the only one that will be there.
By staying the same, I don't mean that you're always going to be the same person. But you will be the only one or the only constant in your own story.
Where you should focus your attention then does come down to one question…
What do you want the end of your year to look like?
Now is the time to invest some time, energy and money into yourself. A great option is the Dynamic Year program where we will create a dynamic one page plan that you can use as a compass to tell you where to focus your resources. It’s all about making the achievement of your success easier and to increase your confidence while doing it. My clients do this program year after year and swear that it has increased their success not just that year but every following year. Check it out here.
In my next blog, I will share with you the second question that you need to answer.
Last week, I talked about the mistakes that you need to avoid when you set goals for 2022.
The next important step to take is to review your year.
Now you might be asking how would reviewing my year make things any better than they are now? Here are my top three reasons for you.
First Reason: You won't miss out on your greatest motivator, which is achievement.
As adults, I see this in my clients and friends all the time. We have successes, and we skip right past them to get on to the next task. Not celebrating at all. Then, when we don't succeed, we dwell on our failures. We beat ourselves up and we can't seem to get going again.
Highly successful people and companies know the benefits of reviewing their year and celebrating their achievements. It’s the fuel and motivation that gets them through any hard times and helps them to have even better results.
Second Reason: You'll stop making the same mistakes.
I'm not saying that you’re making a ton of mistakes. I'm just saying that the biggest wasted resource is what we can learn from our experiences. Instead of capitalizing on this wealth of knowledge, it just slips through our fingers. When we turn the learning into wisdom and apply it to our life then we can be grateful for what a mistake taught us. Otherwise the growth opportunity is forgotten, but the regret and disappointment live on.
So often we just jump into the next year and we set up some big goals, but we end up making the same mistakes over again and then we wonder why we have similar results.
Third reason: You'll be able to say goodbye to overwhelm and indecision.
By reviewing the past year you can see how specific actions worked well and how other actions didn’t. You learn from that and with the right process, it provides you with very clear choices as to where you want to invest your time, energy and money. Then you can let go of experiences, responsibilities and people that aren’t a fit for you anymore.
Reviewing Your Year is actually Step 1 of the 3 Step process I use in the Dynamic Year Program. So after you evaluate and learn from the past year you get to make a powerful plan and strategy for the next year.
By the end of this program, you'll have your three guidelines clearly defined. These are really crucial in setting your path for your goals, your theme, your new paradigm, and your values for the following 12 months. Having the 1-page plan enables you to have clarity in what you want so you can make future decisions easily AND confidently.
Without the Dynamic Year Plan, you'll feel the overwhelm that comes with making important decisions. You'll lose the confidence that you're doing the right thing.
Reviewing your year is part of the Dynamic Year Program. Have you joined yet?
The great thing is that this is a virtual learning program so no matter where you are, you can participate. You get the Home Learning program and a Virtual day of coaching support from me. AND you get to connect with other women that are part of the group. This will give you the chance to look at the past year so that you can capture the good, you can release the bad, and you can move forward with the golden nuggets that we've uncovered. You'll get all the info, the tools, the templates that you need to be able to complete the three step foundation for a great new year so that you feel more confident, more focused, and more motivated to move forward with your goals.
PLUS we do quarterly check-ins throughout the year to help you stay on track and give you insights and new strategies.
I’ve been doing this for a decade and every year it gets better! It's going to be so much fun and clients say it’s life changing and the reason why they had so much success.
Click this link to register and to know more about this program. The VIRTUAL program is happening on January 21st.
Read my other blogs here:
1. Want more success? Then pull up your big girl panties!
2. How successful women replace BAD habits with GOOD Ones
3. Stop Striving for Success!
Are you ready to set up your goals for 2022? Well, I say STOP!
Wait, don't do it yet! Or if you've already done it, you need to read this blog.
Everybody's making goals for 2022. That's awesome, and you totally should be!
But I want to make sure that you avoid these mistakes when you set your goals for 2022. I'm going to talk about the three things that I see people do that totally screw them over. By screw over, I mean:
These are the 3 things to make sure you're not doing when you set your goals.
AND make sure you join the complimentary mini-course 5-Day Reset to help you get ready to make your 2022 goals. It’s happening from Dec 27-31 and it’ll be on my Facebook Group Dynamic Women Global Community. You’ll be able to say goodbye to 2021 and greet 2021 properly! Register here.
Number 1: Don’t jump into your goals…yet
How do you know if you have the right goals? Well, there are a few processes I take my clients through in order to properly figure that out. But the problem is we jump into our goals…
But by jumping into your goals too soon, it can throw off your success. It's kind of like thinking, “Oh, I'm just gonna go and do some sprints without warming up first.” If you've ever done that before without warming up or even cooling down, you know the disaster that can cause. Oftentimes, our muscles get injured. Our performance is poor. We’re not able to continue on and we're sore for many days after.
It's the same way with goals. You have to be ready, and you need to have the right ones.
Number 2: You don't release the unfinished goals and don't celebrate the completed ones
Releasing and celebrating goals is so important in order for there to be the proper closure, and motivation carried forward. So often we just move into the next goals, not even claiming the success that we've had.
The acknowledgement, the success, the achievement, and really sitting in the success and being witnessed is the reason why people are motivated to achieve the next goal.
There are so many benefits to properly releasing and celebrating old goals and the learnings from them. But I just don't see people taking the time to do that. We're so ready to just shake off what happened the year before. As high achievers, we’re so quick to be like, “Give me the next goal! I’m going after what I want to achieve.” But we're missing out on the golden nuggets from the year before.
I do this fully as a 3 step process in my Dynamic Year Program.
Number three: You don't start with a strong foundation
Picture a building that is constructed on a strong foundation. One that is made of concrete, not on just sand. One that will actually stand the test of time. This is the type of foundation you want for your goals. It will carry you forward even when you get shaken by things like:
Maybe life clears up and things get better. Then all of a sudden, we've gone from the online world to the in-person world again. When you have a strong foundation, no matter what life throws at you, even if you shake a little bit, you move a little bit, at the end of the turmoil of being completely rattled, you'll still be standing.
Creating a strong foundation comes from going through the steps of releasing and celebrating accomplishments and disappointments. It also comes from sitting with how it feels and sharing that with others.
So often the goal setting experience happens alone. We take the time to figure out what it is that we want to achieve, but we do it by ourselves. That's the problem.
The most successful goal setting experience only happens when you're making goals with someone else. And when there's a strong foundation, it’ll be easy to stretch and increase your goals.
Well, the good news is I have a 3-step process in Dynamic Year that helps you create that foundation and design a 1 page plan including your awesome goals.
Why should you care about this? So often we get to the end of the year, and think I didn't achieve what I wanted to. We promise ourselves, next year will be the best year ever! What are you going to do to make that happen? Oftentimes, the answer is nothing.
If you don't have a foundation in place, you'll make the same mistakes and miss out on the success that you crave. But when you join the Dynamic Year Program, you're going to walk out with a 1 page plan for 2022 to set you and your goals up for success. With Dynamic Year, you'll build a foundation to get you excited and confident about your year. And then you'll go and blow last year's results out of the water. I'll help you do it.
Check out and join the program here.
And don’t forget to join the complimentary mini-course 5-Day Reset to help you get ready to make your 2022 goals. It’s happening from Dec 27-31 and it’ll be on my Facebook Group Dynamic Women Global Community. You’ll be able to say goodbye to 2021 and greet 2021 properly! Register here.
Read my other blogs here:
Are you feeling absolutely ready to say goodbye to 2021?
I get it. I see it. I hear it everywhere. Everyone's just ready for 2021 to be done and to start 2022 with new energy, new possibilities and positivity.
I get that this year almost feels like last year. Time is just running into itself.
These past two years have had their own share of struggles, but as always in closing off one year and starting another, we can feel like we get a fresh start on January 1.
Picture a dog coming out of the water. What does it do? Shake! Yes! It shakes off all the water and you don't want to be nearby when it does because you'll be sure to get wet. But it's that feeling of release, freshness and shaking off what you don’t need anymore.
So how can we properly shake off 2021 and close it off in the right way so that you feel prepared for 2022?
Maybe you need a RESET!
I’ll share with you the 3 benefits of doing a proper goodbye to 2021 AND I’m gifting you the chance to do it together to properly ring in the New Year.
I really want to speak about the importance of doing this because so often we just get wrapped up in the holidays. We are so excited about Christmas and family and maybe we overindulge. I totally overindulge in chocolates, festive drinks, mulled wine and all the lovely foods.
Benefit #1: We need closure
The first reason why we need to be able to close off 2021 properly is closure. We always need closure. Even if some bad things happened in your life, like tarnished friendships, being fired from a job, or some unsaid business, there can still be closure.
You can't watch a movie and turn it off 10 minutes before the end and not know what happens. There's a part of our minds that knows it’s not finished. The same goes for the year.
When you give proper closure to 2021, it means you can open up a new year. By closing off one thing, you can open up another.
There's often a saying around, you have to close one door to be able to open another and this is the exact same reason. We need closure from 2021.
Benefit #2: We need release
The second thing about saying goodbye to 2021 is to release us from what 2021 held over us, and what it did to us. Maybe the sadness, grief, disappointment, or frustration.
Have you ever jumped into a cold pool on a hot day? Then you know that refreshing feeling. It makes you feel alive, you feel awake, you drop the feeling of heaviness and are instantly refreshed. You release the bad as if it’s a bag you’ve been carrying around and can step more boldly into the New Year.
Benefit #3: We need to feel complete
Here's the third and final reason that will help you tie a bow on 2021. You need to say goodbye in order to be able to walk away and feel like, “Okay, that's done and I'm okay with how it ended.”
If you don’t have closure and you’ve not been able to release, you won't feel complete. You'll feel that there’s a little piece sticking with you and it's taking up space you. It could make you worry or feel stressed.
By properly tying a bow on 2021, you're going to be able to walk into 2022 feeling so much better. Even if you had an awesome year, you still need to say bye to it!
Here’s my gift. Let's do the 5 Day Reset together, so you can have closure, release 2021 and feel complete and ready for 2022.
The five-day reset is a complimentary mini-course. It’s mini because it's the holiday time and so it has a small commitment, but it’ll have a huge impact for you. I've been doing this for many years, and the hundreds if not thousands of women that have gone through this with me have said how profound it was, how simple and easy it was to do and yet so meaningful and impactful.
I have to warn you… don’t jump into setting any goals yet. AND Don’t jump into your resolutions, until we do these five steps first. So together, we're going to build your foundation so that you're ready to kick butt in 2022. Even if you don't have the energy to kick butt, at least you’ll feel more confident, and more comfortable moving into 2022.
Here are the steps to join!
The 5 Day Reset is going to give you these benefits:
I look forward to seeing you in the 5 Day Reset so that we can close off 2021 and get into an awesome 2022.
Wishing you the best.
Almost two years since the COVID-19 pandemic started, a lot of people are still struggling without having connections because of the restrictions.
Yes, some restrictions may have been lifted, but because of the Omicron variant we’re still far from the normal life that we know.
A client shared with me, “I'm struggling without connection because of all the COVID restrictions, how can I connect with others? I feel so isolated.”
If this is how you’re feeling too, I'm sorry that you feel isolated. I'm sorry that you feel disconnected. The crazy thing is we can feel isolated or a lack of connection really any time! Even when we have lots of things going on and many people around us, not just in COVID times.
My heart goes out to these people, especially the people that live alone or the people who work from home and they're alone, or seniors and they live alone.
It's going to take three things to break from the loneliness:
Let me share a little strategy:
Tell people you trust how you feel, like your family, friends, loved ones, connections, even acquaintances because maybe they feel the same way. They might not have told you because they think you're busy or that you have it all together. You sharing first could open up their honesty.
One of my friends and I have been terrible at keeping in touch. Absolutely terrible, but we love each other dearly. We're not mad at each other about it, just busy and didn’t call each other.
So we made a plan to have phone calls once a week, every Thursday morning. She's driving to work, and I'm walking on the trail, and we have a conversation. What I learnt was that the more you talk with the same person, the more you get rid of the fluff that is at the surface, and the more you're able to actually talk about the real feelings that you have, whether it be isolation, loneliness, disappointment, depression, or anxiety.
If you have some friends, you need to be creative in what you're going to do with them.
You can even think creatively.
If you don't have friends, then you need to put yourself out there and start connecting with others.
Maybe there is a neighbor that you like who you could invite to go to the park and sit six feet from them. Invite a few people. Maybe there's a local place that is doing virtual wine tastings. You get a bunch of people together and everybody's in their own home trying out the wines.
You can also look for places that already have community. There are women's groups like the Dynamic Women community. There are churches. There are other organizations that already have events and groups happening where you can just join in.
You can find other people and connect with them. You can go on Meetup.com and see what events are happening because at least some will be virtual and if you prefer you can join some in person events. Some of them might enjoy a hobby that you like. It could be bird watching, video games or great restaurants. Reach out to these types of groups where you know that you're going to focus on a topic that you already like, so you can start to build easy connections that way.
You really have to look for ways you can put yourself out there and connect with other people, and then make it a continuous thing that you do. Just like I have with my call with my friend.
Be honest about where you're at because if people don't know that you need to hear from them or want to spend time together then nothing happens. And with all of the people you choose to have in your life know that you can also, design relationships, create some boundaries, an of course open up about how you’re doing.
I have a woman in my community, Diane Webster, who asked me “How can I go about getting a mentor?”
The first step is to ask yourself:
When you say mentor, usually people mean someone who will volunteer their time to support you, but a similar person who will support you is a coach, or maybe a consultant or an advisor.
How do you decide whether you need a mentor or a coach/consultant?
If you're wanting someone to give you guidance, give you advice on your business, then you really should be paying the person for their expertise. Also, if you’ll meet every week or every other week and you really want them to be holding you accountable and teaching or guiding you along the way (and they're not someone higher up in your company) you should be hiring them.
Now, if it's just someone that you want to check in with, talk things over with, maybe once a month, then there are some organizations that have mentorship services that are part of membership.
One of them that I know of is The Forum (previously known as FWE or Forum for Women Entrepreneurs). You sign up. You are a member, and then you can become a mentee in their mentor program. They'll match you with someone based on your goals.
But again, you need to know:
I've actually done their program before as a mentee, which is really nice because I spend so much of my time as a mentor and coach. Even though I do have coaches that I hire for specific things, it was nice just to have someone to chat to.
Since I'm really passionate about supporting women, especially in male-dominated industries, I was paired up with a woman who was very high up in a very powerful international software development company. She was a smart cookie, and it was really interesting to chat with her about her experience as a woman in tech.
Every month, I shared with her what I was working on. Then she would ask me things like, “Well, have you thought of this?” Or “Did you know that the industry is kind of like this?” Because I had no idea about software tech companies, it was very helpful.
If you don't find a mentor through one of these programs and you don't want to hire a coach, advisor, or a consultant, and you see someone that you wish could mentor you, then you have to go to them with a really good proposal.
I've had people come to me and say, “I would really like to talk with you about starting my coaching practice and where I should get certified. Can I ask you a few questions?.” I replied, “Sure, go for a hike with me and you can ask me anything.” They come to my neighbourhood and as we hike, I encourage them to start recording on their phone, so we walk and talk.” I've mentored people that way.
However, I've had some people in the past email me and say, “I want to run a successful business. Can you be my mentor and tell me the steps I need to take?”
In this case, I felt they should hire me because I would take my 10 years of knowledge and dilute it down for them. I would make it super easy and share all of my documents with them and all of my best practices and everything that's worked well for me. That deserves to be paid for because that's asking a lot from someone.
A lot of people will approach me or whoever they want to be mentored by or want a favor from, and they lead with their bib on. This is a concept one of my coaches, James, taught me and it’s a sure fire easy to get “NO” for an answer.
Imagine taking a napkin and sticking it in your shirt like a bib and saying, “I'm coming to you for you to serve me.” I hear that all the time.
For example, if you want to be a guest on the Dynamic Women Podcast, don't email me and tell me how amazing you are, how your content is the best and you just released a book my audience should buy. That's coming at me with a bib on. Instead, email me and tell me how amazing the show is, and share that you've actually listened to an episode and tell me why my people would have great results from listening to what you say.
If you want a mentor, you need to come at them with the napkin on your arm to serve, like a waiter does in a fancy restaurant. Go in with the intention to serve, for example, the mentor is really passionate about working for a specific charity, and you know that or this mentor has a new book out, why don't you:
Then after you have focused on them, you have earned a moment to talk about yourself. Don't go in with a bib on. Go in with the idea to serve first because really, you're asking them to serve you. Make it a no-brainer. If you just say, “I want you to mentor me,” that makes them work to understand what that means. Make it easy.
Lay it all out. Give or ask information like:
Generally, people are open to that kind of request and they'll be more generous. I’d agree to the 30 minutes, but then I usually give them more time. We’d chat for an hour or more and then I’d offer a follow-up call, and I’ll end up sharing some more stuff. But if you come in looking for everything, you probably will get nothing.
If that talk goes well then you can propose to have them be your mentor. Again go to them with a plan of how often and for how long you would like to chat with them. As a mentee, also go into every conversation with an agenda. Don't make the mentor work hard for you. When you are prepared, they can just show up and be in their brilliance with you. The last piece is to agree to a duration of the mentor/mentee relationship. It can sound like this, “I hope that we could meet for 1 hour, once a month over Zoom for six months. I'll send you the agenda in advance and send you the calendar request and Zoom link.” When you make it super easy for them, they are happy to mentor you.
So all the best with finding your mentor, I trust that I've given you a bunch of different options to go with.
And if you need a coach instead reach out firstname.lastname@example.org.
Read more of my blogs here:
1. Do Coaches Need Coaches (Part 1): Yes
2. Do Coaches Need Coaches (Part 2): No and Maybe
3. The First 3 Things You Need From a GREAT Mentor or Coach (part 1)
One of my clients, Paula Kent, once asked the question, “Why do the destructive patterns emerge so quickly when situations or life gets stressful?” In simple words, why do we go back to our old patterns of old bad habits?
First, think about the bad habits that you have.
I know for me that as soon as I get busy:
All of those things go away, and I lose my balance. This is where Paula was and where so many of my clients get.
The Wheel of Life
Your first tool or first way to really battle this is with the wheel of life.
The Wheel of Life is a professional coaching tool. What it does is it really shows you a bird's eye view of what life balance is like for you at the current moment. Not three weeks from now or three weeks ago.
So today, how is it? How is your balance? How satisfied are you in each area of life?
It's going to quickly tell you where you're not satisfied. It's going to quickly tell you where you're off balance. When you have these destructive patterns that emerge so quickly, it's going to give you the answers right in your face to the question: Where am I really losing it?
Making New Goals or Habits
Now that you know the areas to focus on:
Then you get to make a decision. Do I want to do more in that area to make that better?
If yes, you’re going to make some goals or some new habits around those areas. This is one option.
Get into Maintenance Mode
Another option you have is to pull back and go into maintenance mode when life gets stressful or when major things happen.
Those are all things that happen quickly and can be unexpected. Even if you knew it was going to happen because a big project, renovation or surgery was planned, it is still something that can make you feel overwhelmed.
Life gets stressful, but you need to know what you have to do to get into maintenance mode. What do you do when life gets crazy? Here are some examples:
In maintenance mode, you can also think of doing/not doing these things:
You need to know which areas of your life you can dial back on: which solutions you can bring in to make that area easier. Maybe get a house cleaner that week just to help you out. Maybe you bring on someone to help you in your business that week.
When life is crazy, ask yourself, “What are the basics of what I need right now?”
I call that maintenance mode. Rather than you trying to fulfill all 10 areas and be perfect and amazing in all of your life, you really get to dial back in those certain areas. You could focus on just the top 4 priorities.
When my son broke his femur, there were definitely a lot of things that I had to do in order to go into maintenance mode. I've seen this in clients when they were on a leave of absence or mat leave, then the company wants them to come back to work full time. The problem is if they didn’t they would lose their job. All of a sudden, they're back in a full time career, but also trying to manage everything they managed before.
Just go into maintenance mode. Use the tool of the Wheel of Life to really see where things are at, and then have a little grace with yourself. We fall back into patterns because they were easy or for some reason, they supported us before. But you have now either leveled up your life and who you are, and you don't want to undo the good work you have done.
If you already have a really great morning routine, you already have a really great health routine, or you already have really great relationships, you don't want to undo those by going back to those bad habits.
Use your self-awareness. Go into maintenance mode so you can stay on track and figure out an easy plan. Write down all the things you are not satisfied with. Then once you are feeling less overwhelmed, put a plan in place where one by one, you can start to get back into the swing of things.
If you’d like to go through the Wheel of Life you have 2 options:
Read my other blogs here:
1. Using GOOD Habits to Achieve Your Goals
2. How successful women replace BAD habits with GOOD Ones
3. 10 Honestly GOOD habits to have
Are you feeling tired and that you can't work like you used to do when you were younger?
There is a common problem that I hear from my clients. It’s an issue that affects female leaders, female business owners, and probably lots of men as well.
I was coaching with a group of clients in my She’s Goaled Program. We were reviewing how their goals went that month.
One of them said that she felt she wasn’t getting everything done because she wasn’t at her optimum level of health:
I'm guessing you've had those moments, too. Maybe even today! But the next thing she said was, “I have to remember what my age is and not work like I’m 20 years old again.”
What it comes down to is how you want your lifestyle and your every day to look like. This is especially true if you're in control of your own time and is important even if you work a nine to five.
It’s not about age. It’s not about your life before kids. It's about how you want to live your life right now.
Answer these questions as the person you are, not even thinking about age. Think about what you want and what you want your life to look like.
If you're tired, try asking yourself: What’s the cause?
I had one client who had so much vacation time banked at her company that she basically could take a whole year off! She was a great employee, but she was working herself into the ground.
I asked her, “What do you want?” She said she just wants to work less. She was working 80 hours a week. She wants to have a bigger impact in the work she does, but she also needs to rest. She said she wants to be able to take her time off and doesn’t feel she can.
She knew she needed to take it, but she worried. She felt like she couldn't have the same impact that she wanted to have if she was to take time off. Surprisingly, since she also worked so much she worried she wouldn’t know what to do with her free time.
If you run a business, maybe you think you can't have the results you want if you take some time off. I'm not saying take a whole month off, but if you want to that's totally doable because that's actually what this client of mine did.
Not only that, but she continued to take every single August off moving forward. She also took a personal day every so often. It was a day for herself where she would just book a day off with no major plans and just wake up that day and think:
If you're at a place where you're feeling like you don't like how things are, you can't handle what you used to handle, or you wish things were different, STOP. Take a moment. Really ask yourself:
It's not about comparing to how life was in the past. It's about getting super clear about how you want life to be right now.
What do you want to accomplish, what goals do you want to have, and what priorities are in your life? Basically, it comes down to three words: Design your life.
You can actually do that. A lot of times people just go with the default or they settle for what's happening in their life. Or they take options that are presented to them.
If you want to balance your life better then I’ve got you covered.
For the upcoming Black Friday, I’m offering the Ultimate Success Toolkit which contains tools that can help you reach your goals and surpass the feeling of being tired, busy, and overwhelmed!
Grab your toolkit here.
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