In my last blog, I shared with you a story of where I judged myself. I also let you know about the four reasons why you might judge yourself, too.
Now I’ll share how you can stop judging yourself, but first another story…
I was a very avid rugby player until I was 29 when I tore my ACL. Back in my glory days, I played for my city in a highly competitive league, and I also played varsity rugby for my university.
I remember when we got into the championship final with my Brantford Harlequins team. We had to travel 1.5 hours to Niagara Falls and play the top ranked team. They are from a larger city, so they have a larger pool of girls to choose their team from. Us, on the other hand, were begging people to just show up and play.
Playing short… playing in the heat… playing the top team… We were definitely like a David and Goliath situation. We dug deep. We had trained all season to be in the best shape of our lives. What it really came down to in the end was we needed one more try to win.
During the game, I kicked a bunch of points through the posts. That was one of my roles on the team. In the end, I scored the final try - kind of like a touchdown in football. We knew we had the win. There wasn't enough time for the other team to be able to come back and score.
The final thing to do to kill the time was for me to kick it through the posts. Because I had scored a good try right between the posts, I was able to set up right in front and it was super easy. But for some reason, I MISSED. I missed the easiest kick ever!
I was so embarrassed. Everyone was watching me. Everyone saw how terrible that kick was. We ended the game without the points. But…
We still won. It didn't matter at all. Thanks to me, the points I'd kicked before, and that try I just scored. We won the championship!
I should have been happy. We came back. We had our David and Goliath moment. We won.
Yet, I started crying because I missed the kick. I was judging myself so hard. My self-worth was at its lowest. My teammates were consoling me and reminding me that I helped win the game and that it was my try that won the game. SOOOO me missing that kick didn’t matter. I can still see the championship team photo. The girls jumping and holding up the number 1 finger. Then me standing there with other girls’ arms around me and my face in sadness. I couldn’t enjoy the win because I was judging myself.
Now ask yourself:
I'm super passionate about this because I see this in my clients and I've suffered from it. I still have to keep myself in check because there are different areas of life where I judge myself.
It makes me sad because I see what my clients are missing out on in their lives because they judge themselves so harshly.
We always feel we can be better, and so we're always striving. That means we fill up every moment of every day constantly trying to be better. That we're joining this or joining that or reading this or listening to that. It's tiring. It's overwhelming. What if we loved and acknowledged who we are today?
I realized we have a day to honor our love for our partner, but we don't really have a day to love ourselves.
So what do you love about yourself?
When was the last time you actually wrote down what you love about yourself? Never or can’t remember? How about today?
When are you going to love yourself? And what do you currently love about yourself? Not just what you loved about yourself before because then we might get into judgment about how you're not that anymore.
I mentioned in my last blog that we’re not giving ourselves grace for mistakes. I was probably the worst at that. It stopped me from being in the present because I was judging myself in the moment. Now, I'm just okay with what is. I give myself grace because I'm not perfect. I now have more of a growth mindset, knowing that every time I do something, I will grow. Every time I do something, especially when it's new, I'll make a ton of mistakes.
Four steps that you can do to stop judging yourself
First thing you can do is review past accomplishments and let disappointments go.
I do this in the Dynamic Year Program. Reviewing past accomplishments is just stage one of the program. It's very simple, three stages, but so powerful. By reviewing past accomplishments, we can see all the good we have done. One of the years I did this with two other coaches because I make sure that I go through the process as well, every single year. I said, “I don't think I accomplished that much last year.” The ladies laughed, and said, “You're missing one major thing. You had a baby.”
I'm like, “Yeah, but that was gonna happen anyway.” I diminished the fact that I grew a human being in my body and then delivered that baby and nursed that baby and kept that baby alive while still running my business. I diminished all that. That was nothing. That was gonna happen anyway.
But when I review my past accomplishments in Dynamic Year, and then let my disappointments go, I get motivation from those accomplishments. I get the “I am amazing feeling”. I get to boost my “I am enough” confidence and in letting disappointments go and grabbing the wisdom from them, it’s so amazing to be able to rid yourself of the negative looping that happens in your brain, “I shoulda, coulda, woulda done that better.”
The second thing is to unfollow or reduce notifications from people who trigger you.
If you're on social media and it just annoys you to see someone achieving so much it might be good to get some coaching on that, first of all, to see what it is about them that you really wish you had or could be.
But if you're working on your own journey of self-love, then maybe it's time to unfollow them, reduce the notifications sent from them, at least for a little while. Take a break for a week. Take a break for a month, and then get the underlying reason for it. If you are experiencing this, then I encourage you to email me firstname.lastname@example.org so that we can have a coaching conversation on this.
The third thing is to practice daily self-acknowledgement.
I have created the Dynamic Year Journal. It's nothing you've ever seen before. It has the ability to boost your confidence. You’ll be able to bring in your accomplishments and grab the learning from them so you can see, “Wow, look at all the awesome things I've done” and celebrate them. If you want one of the Dynamic Year Journals, you can get them on Amazon. Or if you're close to me, I live in North Vancouver, BC Canada then you can come grab one.
The fourth thing is to surround yourself with women who will be your fans.
Women who will cheer for you. Women who will support you when things are hard or when you're really at a low point. Women who will hold up the mirror to you to remind you of how awesome you are.
Now in the She's Goaled Program, there is that opportunity to have not only me be your support, me to bring you up, but also to be with other female business leaders who can really be on this journey with you. To give you a little pep talk when you're down on yourself and to really hold you up high.
So many times in my life, being in a mastermind with other women, having them believe in me more than I believed in myself has been crucial for my success. I've had so many moments of doubting myself and judging myself, and to have them reflect back to me, who I truly am, has helped me to strive for more… has helped me to really step fully into the person I was meant to be.
As I wrap up here, just want to say, I really hope you find time every day to love yourself. That you catch when you're judging yourself and you turn it around and stop your saboteur in its tracks because I know there are great things meant for you, but it first starts with loving yourself.
P.S. Get your free copy of the Balanced Leader Cheat Sheet so you can create a more balanced life.
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