There is ONE thing that a lot of women do that feels good but hurts them - it’s putting other people's agendas before their own. It's saying “yes” to others before they say “yes” to themselves.
The sad thing is, I see women do this all the time.
I constantly see women putting others ahead of themselves.
But I'm talking about this unbalance when these statements are true:
And when it gets to that extreme level, it means you take care of other people to honor their values before you honor your own values. So how does this look?
Imagine yourself in these two true situations that I heard from my clients.
True Story 1: I have a client who is a very loving Mom. The trouble was she wasn’t able to go away on the weekend because her daughter kept dropping her dog off at her house. It was happening a lot and for long periods of time and that meant that this client of mine wasn't able to have the freedom that she wanted. She missed out on so many invites for dinner dates, outings, and trips because the dog couldn’t be left alone. This made her resent her daughter.
True Story 2: A client of mine is a very successful personal trainer who has clients in different areas of the city. My client said yes to serving a retired couple at 9am which was a time that worked best for them, which meant my client was travelling through the city during rush hour. Also, she was already serving people in that area later in the day and so it meant she was travelling there twice. This caused her to miss out on adding in another training hour. It took her a lot more time to travel and caused her much stress.
If you give all day, there is nothing left for you. When you're busy fulfilling everyone else's agenda before your own, you’ll have nothing left to give. And then along with not focusing on your own agenda, you're also missing out on fulfilling your own dreams.
Yes, we need to care for others. And yes, we need to help others, but not to the detriment of ourselves. If we have time for ourselves, our cup gets filled. If we can do the things we want to do, our cup gets filled. If we honor our own priorities, our cup gets full. When our cup is full and overflowing into the saucer that is under the cup, we have more than enough to give.
By serving our own needs, wants, priorities, and goals, we then can bless others with the time, energy, and money that we have. When you make more money, you can give more money. When you have more time, you can give more time.
I will leave you with a list of questions that you can ask yourself so you can fill your own cup:
In the past, I've been known to go out of my way to help others so much that I suffered. And I see it in women all the time. I hope it doesn’t happen to you so have a hard look at how you’re doing and answer those questions. Post your comments about what insights this gave you.
We are taught to care. We are taught to give. We are taught to serve. We also need to be taught boundaries and making ourselves a priority. And we can help others once we are feeling enough… once we are filled up... once we have enough to be in a position to be able to give.
In my last blog, I talked about four aspects to supporting your success: networking, accountability, mastermind, and a coach.
The best is when you can have networking, an accountability group, a mastermind, and a coach all in one group. I share this with my clients. It helps them achieve more, stay focused, and get new opportunities.
Why is this good? Think of an iceberg and water.
When you spread yourself thin and do a lot of different things, you only really get the tip of the iceberg because your bandwidth is so spread apart. When you have ONE group that you're working with to satisfy your masterminding, networking, coaching, and accountability needs, you get to go:
What are the other benefits of having these four things in one?
1. You save time because:
2. You save energy.
3. You save money.
When I was able to see all of these benefits for myself and how it was a better way of up leveling my business I started looking for it. In the end, I created it for my clients. It was a huge difference.
You’re probably searching for something like this - for something that would just ease the burden of all the things you have to get done. A speed course to help you reach your goals, a program that has four in one. Your one-stop shop to help you reach where you want to get to.
This is why I put all my years in my education, my teaching, coaching, delivering workshops, delivering speeches, presentations to groups of people, and all my personal and professional development, put them into one program - the She's Goaled Program.
Check it out and apply to be able to reach your goals with the 4 point system.
Here are some of my blogs that you may also enjoy:
I’ve struggled in my business at different times. I thought I was making the right decisions based on what others had suggested, but the problem was they weren’t actually doing what they shared with me.
I was constantly reviewing and making changes. Of course those mistakes were really learning opportunities. But the thing is, what if you just knew how to NOT make those mistakes?
What I learnt is how quickly you decide to make a change and how fast you take action actually determines how successful you're going to be. If you can't make changes when problems come or you stay in the wrong decision for too long, then you're going to have more negative outcomes.
As a coach, they don't teach us how to run a coaching business. So, I did these things:
1. I joined a networking group.
Networking groups are great, but the problem was that the networking group I was in wasn't giving me a strong level of information that I needed on how to run a business that's in alignment with me.
2. I hired a good business coach.
It was really great working with her. She helped me with business foundations, but I was missing that group interaction. I want a group of people, especially women, to come together and we can move our businesses forward together and I can get some information.
3. I joined a Mastermind.
I joined a mastermind, but I wasn’t getting that high-level strategy that I needed from it. This mastermind was self-led wherein the participants were to lead it. I was the only coach and facilitator in the group. I ended up having to run it. That just felt weird. I started to feel like the coach, where I'm not able to chill and relax and just be part of this experience. And so I thought to myself, that's off. That's not right.
4. I had an accountability group.
I thought maybe I just need a little accountability group to get things going and help me get things happening. But I realized, these people are not doing what they said they would do. And it was quite frustrating for me because at the time, I was pregnant. I was spending more of my time there coaching them how to reach their goals, and how to actually do what they were supposed to do. It was frustrating. That level of accountability wasn't there.
I had a networking group, a coach, a mastermind group, and an accountability partner. They were all serving partial needs for me, but none of it was like fully encompassing all of my needs.
It takes a lot of time to attend four different events. It was costing me time and brainpower. Each of them had its own set of requirements and expectations. I couldn't keep my head straight with all those things. It was also costing me money!
What I wanted was ONE single track to put my business train on. To be able to just go to one group of people and have them serve all of my needs and get my business moving forward so that I am not wasting my time, energy, mind power, and money.
Why isn't there something where a group of people can have the following aspects:
1. Networking - We get together and have networking opportunities. We start referring each other and can use each other's services.
2. Accountability - We can have accountability with someone in charge. Having an actual facilitator, coach, or someone in charge of that accountability can lead to better results so that the participants don't have to hold each other accountable.
3. Mastermind - In some groups, certain people take more time because the time isn’t being managed. When there’s a facilitator to facilitate the timing, everyone gets their time. It's not just the power of the group, but I want someone in charge that knows so many different things.
4. Coaching - Having someone in that group who can coach. The cool thing is, as they're coaching someone else in the group, you can learn so much, too. By being coached in front of others, you also have that feeling of we're in this together.
Which of those four pieces do you like the most? You can have networking, accountability, mastermind, and a coach for your life as well in your business.
In my next blog, I will share with you the ONE step I took that helped me achieve more, stay focused, and get new opportunities.
You can also read my other blogs:
1. The Price We Pay for Our Decisions
2. Hire Help: 1 of 5 Tactics to get more done in life or business (Part 1)
3. 5 Tactics to get more done in life or business (Part 2)
In my last blog, I shared the one thing that you can do to turn networking on its head. If you want to really connect with people, you need to drop your title and start to show up as who you are. Now, how can you show up as who you are? Here are seven ways. This list comes from the Connection Pillar of my book, Dynamic You.
1. Connect based on an emotion
How is that person feeling? Are they feeling positive? Are they excited? If you can get into that feeling, if you can get into that emotion, then you can start connecting with other people. For instance, if the other person is excited about the release of her new book, you can mirror that emotion of excitement. When we mirror someone else's body language, we become more connected.
2. Connect based on their experiences
How quickly can you find an experience that you both had? For instance, are they someone who also traveled from another country to live in this country like you? Wherever they are from, you can still have the similarity. Do you both enjoy horseback riding? Did you both go to a university in a far off place? There's an experience that you've had that you can connect on. When you start talking about that, the excitement or the connection builds.
3. Connect based on their likes
Start talking about the things that you both like. Do you both like pink? Did you notice they're wearing pink or have a pink purse and you have a pink dress? Maybe you saw something that they have and it's something you like, compliment them and then talk more about it. Ask them. Be curious about it.
4. Connect based on their interests.
Are they interested in doing crossstitch? Are you both interested in cross fit? They may have some interest that you are interested in. Get on that topic. Start talking about that thing.
5. Connect based on struggles.
You may have heard that they have three kids under three and you do, too. Maybe you both had companies closed down, and you've had to switch and go to a new one. Maybe during COVID-19 pandemic, you both have a brick and mortar and have needed to be creative with lockdowns. You can connect based on your struggles.
6. Connect based on opportunities.
Are they a speaker and had a chance to go to a conference that you are also interested in speaking at? Are they looking at vendor opportunities at a craft fair or trade show? You can get curious about those things and you can start connecting on that level.
7. Connect based on your desires.
You may connect based on the things that you wish or dream about. Maybe you desire to give back to people in developing nations, and maybe they do, too. Maybe they also desire supporting homeless people, the poor animals, or maybe you desire to build your own home or become eco-friendly. You can start talking about your desires.
These are seven different ways that you can use to connect with someone on a deeper level by connecting as who you are rather than what you do. You will be an expert at the topics because it's about you and about them as a person. When you connect as who you are, you can be more confident. When you connect as who you are, you get to tap into every bit of every experience, every success, everything that you know, rather than when you connect as a title and it’s surface level and only around one area of life.
Now, which of these ways can you use in your next networking event or social gathering? Share with me in the comments!
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