Do you judge yourself or have you seen someone you love to judge themselves?
Every woman needs to stop judging themselves. Women can be so good at judging themselves in these ways:
The worst part is we never have enough appreciation for ourselves, and we don't celebrate who we are.
I judged myself…
Let me first tell you a story of where the judging of myself came to just the ultimate low point.
I was taking a five-day program, and it was all about how to be a fantastic presenter, a great speaker, and really polishing our skills so that we could present our material.
Before I got there I thought… “I got this in the bag. I'm going to do well at this.” I love speaking and I love perfecting this as a craft. A couple days in I'm put in a group with four other people. We all have to present on a topic that is not any of our expertise. We also have to put the material together, and then present it to the group.
When we went to present, one of the people in our group was feeling sick. I ended up taking on their piece as well. As we went through our presentation, I ended up telling a story about my grandmother and started crying. Not just a regular cry, but a full-blown ugly cry. Now, I didn't know I was gonna cry. It just kind of came up. Because of the tears and trying to rein in my emotions, I ended up talking longer than I should have and took some of the next speaker’s time.
So as I was speaking I started judging myself:
The whole point of this presentation was to get feedback from the two instructors, and I really respected them. They're amazing presenters. They speak to tens of 1000s of people. I really valued their opinion. So when we were done, each presenter would get feedback so we could improve.
Even though I went into it thinking, “Okay, I'm going to do well” I completely flopped on my face, so I had a long list of all the things I did wrong that I knew they were going to come at me for. I totally was judging myself and I felt everyone else was too! The audience and my team members!
They went to the next person and gave them feedback on how they can improve.
Then they went to the next person, gave them feedback and were pretty brutally honest.
They started with the first person, gave them feedback and they kind of ripped into them a little bit.
When they got to me, I was so nervous as to what they would say. Probably confirming everything I was judging myself for.
The first thing the guy said was, “You are one of the top five people we've ever seen.”
At that moment, I started crying again. The woman said, “Did you not hear what he said? He is not usually the one to praise, but he said you're in the top five he's ever seen.”
I was so shocked. “Oh, I'm crying because I have a whole list of 10 to 20 things I did wrong… that I could have done better… that I'm embarrassed about… that I feel guilty about… that I'm judging myself on.”
What she said next shocked me. She said, “Diane, I wanted to see more of you.”
I replied, “But I took other people's time. I was out there too long.”
“Did you hear what I said, Diane? I wanted to see more of you.”
Then I shared a very deep vulnerable feeling I had about her, “I didn't even think that you liked me.”
All the other students were quiet.
She said, “No, why would you ever say that?”
“I don't know, I was thinking that… I was feeling that.”
Now we did talk further on that topic (but I’ll keep her part confidential).
The point is… look how bad I judged myself when others were seeing me in such a positive light.
I was there to present… to be the expert and to be a better speaker, but because I was judging myself so much I didn't fully receive their praise.
I had to spend some time really dissecting it.
Letting their compliments go into every cell of my being.
To remember… Here are two instructors…
who train on how to be an amazing presenter,
and they thought I was awesome.
Why did I judge myself so much?
Now I ask you, why do you judge yourself so much?
Is this the reason?
1) It started when you were young… when you or those around you compared you to others.
As a child, I was often compared to my brothers or compared to my classmates, or compared to the other kids on my soccer team.
The comparison to others is what society does to us. It pits us against one another when really we should just be looking at ourselves and asking what do we love about ourselves? But instead, we compare ourselves to others, that's part of judgment that’s taught into us.
We might hear it from:
Who says to us:
So maybe that's where the self-judgment started.
2) You are a perfectionist… you’re always asking yourself, how can I be better? How can I do better?
I often see perfectionism when I coach female business leaders because they are very driven, A-type and high achieving. They have a lot of goals and really push themselves to achieve them all. They’re always asking:
Just like my previous story, doing this can take the joy out of many experiences. It stops me from really loving and owning how far I've come in a specific task or situation. If it's the first time I’m doing something, if it's a time where I'm still a student, or I'm still learning, I don't acknowledge how far I've come because it's not perfect. There are ways I can be better.
3) You judge yourself against who you used to be.
How have you been better in the past? Write the answers down. What do your saboteurs tell you to list?
I’ll be honest… there are things about me that have changed… where I felt I was better before.
Maybe you're having these thoughts as well where you judge yourself against who you used to be.
Well, when you judge yourself, there are so many negatives that come out of it. Thinking… “I was better then. Why can't I be like that now?” is a hard place to be.
4) You have guilt when you do something for yourself.
Guilt shows up when you want to go hang out with your friends, enjoy your hobbies, hit the gym and even when you just want to have a shower.
It might not even be strictly for yourself. It might be going back to work and having the kids in daycare.
Even if you’re making the decision because your family needs the income or so that your kids can have ballet lessons or clarinet lessons. You're doing it for the good of your family, but maybe you still feel guilty
Instead, you may feel guilty because you're throwing in a frozen pizza and calling in for delivery. Even the idea of taking a day for yourself, a “Me day”, a day of no responsibility… the shame and the guilt of that, the judgment of “Who are you, to do that?”
Then when they get a promotion or when they launch a product, the saboteurs, the limiting beliefs come in saying,
It's full of judgment. What if instead, we could be full of ourselves, love ourselves to the point that we appreciate ourselves… flaws and all. How about we we celebrate who we are? That's what I want to see happen in this world.
Think of the space and energy you'll have to accomplish your vision and your dreams, and what you’re meant to do on this earth.
Imagine a world full of women who love themselves so deeply, who celebrate themselves and don't judge themselves every moment of every day.
So how do you get better at loving yourself? How do you put some steps in place so you can stop judging yourself? I've got four specific ones that I’ll share with you in my next blog.
For now, be surrounded by women who will not judge you BUT will support you. Join our free online community Dynamic Women Global Community and meet female business leaders who come together to connect, share, grow, and be inspired.
In my last blog, I shared with you three of the things that are stopping you from being organized in your life. Today, I will share with you the other two as well as the solutions you need!
The Last 2 Things Stopping You from Being Organized in Your Life
FOURTH: No plan or process to follow
You have goals, right? You're feeling like, “I know what I want to achieve.” But then you don't have a process or a plan to follow. Being organized is having a system, a plan, or a process to follow. If you're disorganized and you don't have a plan or a process, then you're just grabbing at straws… you're doing whatever pops up in your mind. Which is often reactive and doesn’t give you a great result.
There's no timeline. There are no milestones. There's nothing helping you to make sure you stay on track so that by the end of the year, or by the end of a certain realistic amount of time you've completed the action… you've completed that goal.
FIFTH: No accountability to reach your goals.
You may have goals, then you may have a plan. But do you have the accountability to ensure you get there?
The accountability to push you through the hard times?
The accountability to help you to see the celebrations, to see the wins and help you celebrate them?
Do you have accountability to know the right strategy to put in place?
Do you have the accountability just for those check-ins, checking points, and milestones?
You will be more organized when someone else is looking at what you're doing, or when you have to be accountable to someone else.
Now, why is this happening? Why are we feeling disorganized? Well, because we're busy. We are ambitious. There are lots of things that we want to do. But we need to have these things in place, right? Let’s recap.
To make it even easier… these 5 Solutions can be put all together in one to make you more organized and balanced.
But did you know that the #1 desire I hear from my clients, friends and business colleagues is that everyone is searching for the elusive Balance! (You too?)Being Perfect in every area of our life is not possible.
(I know I've tried!)
And because they don’t have balance, they are burnt out, overwhelmed and feel like they’re on a hamster wheel.
Something will always be OFF Balance. AND being balanced is not the only goal. You also want to feel satisfied, have your success be accelerated and live a life around what YOU truly want.
And I know how to make it easily possible...
But first, what's the cause of this problem?
The cause is women may have a business plan, but they don't have a LIFE plan. Specifically, they don't have a DYNAMIC LIFE BLUEPRINT.
The Dynamic Life Blueprint has been extremely important for my success and the success of my clients.
It’s a 3-Phase process so you have clarity on your foundation for balance and satisfaction, you’ll have confidence in your ideal vision for your business and your life, and you’ll get into action on your Dynamic Goals with clear focus, tools and techniques to ensure you have success.
And when followed the results are phenomenal:
Bottom line… you need to know how to properly create it and then how to use it. I will show you both in Dynamic Success Accelerator. This program will help you increase your success, money, and happiness by having your Dynamic Life Blueprint.
PLUS… There is new content and many free bonuses for you - like being in a book with me! Learn more about it here.
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Are you dealing with chaos, clutter and a feeling of lack of control?
I asked the women in my Dynamic Women Global Community on Facebook, “What challenging thing are you working through these days?” One of the responses was “I'm not organized in my life.”
I'm hearing that a lot recently from clients and from people in my community. Let me ask you, “Are you dealing with chaos, clutter, and feeling a lack of control?” I get it because you have a lot going on. You’re busy with:
But first, what does being organized mean?
When I checked the Cambridge dictionary, it really comes into two areas:
(1) Making arrangements for something to happen. That's a verb. These are some examples that they gave:
(2) To do or arrange something according to a particular system.
You can see how organization can be organizing a thing/an event, or it can be in how you put things together.
For the woman who shared this in the group, I feel like she’s talking more about arranging her life, the processes in her home, office, etc. and then the processes and systems in her business. So as you read this you can think of those and also organizing areas like health, and personal development.
When we're not organized, things fall through the cracks, right? You forget that you had a meeting, or you can't find a specific paper or item that you needed, and it was really important. A lot of times it comes down to one of two problems:
I'm going to leave organizing spaces out of the conversation today. Instead, I’ll focus on areas of your life and over two blogs, I’ll share with you the five things that are stopping you from being organized.
FIRST: Trying to focus on everything
When you try to focus on everything, it seems like nothing ever gets done. You might end up being busy, but not productive. That’s a stressful place. Plus, when you bounce between multiple projects, it’s hard to complete tasks and the time from start to finish just takes forever.
It’s also difficult for your mind to be able to get back into it. Imagine, you were working on something, and then you left to work on something else. When you come back to it, you're going to be wasting time trying to figure out where to pick up where you left off. Aspects get missed. Steps in the process get missed. You can feel super disorganized.
SECOND: You're honoring other people's agendas.
A lot of times I hear from women that they're neglecting their health because they're honoring other people's agendas. There are just too many other things to do.
It’s ok to GIVE. But when do YOU, YOUR goals and YOUR agenda get to be at the top?
I see female business leaders who are really struggling because they have so many other people's agendas ahead of their own.
When you honor other people's agendas, you put yourself on the backburner. You end up at the bottom of your priority list. Naturally as a mom, wife, friend, and person who likes to serve, you put everyone ahead of yourself. You can then feel disorganized, even in what's going to be for dinner because you're busy serving others.
Are you honoring other people's agendas? Or is there enough time in your schedule where you're honoring your own agenda, your own goals, your own projects, your own desires, and hobbies and needs?
THIRD: You have TOO many goals or NO clear goals at all.
I see the extreme of both. On one side they have 50 goals they want to accomplish this year.
On the flip side, there are no goals. They maybe don't say, “I have no goals,” but they're working on things without having the goals being clear, without the goals being something they’ve planned out and are actively checking in with.
When you have too many goals, you set yourself up to be completely disorganized because you've got too many things vying for your attention. You’ll be trying to focus on everything!
When you have no clear goals, you end up having to focus on the closest fire or squeaky wheel. That's also not good because that's also a disorganized way to be. With no clear focus of where you're going to put your time, energy, money or your other resources.
In my next blog, I will share the other two things that are stopping you from being organized as well as the solutions that you need so stay tuned!
P.S. If you’re looking for a clear plan with goals you can easily focus on and attain, then the Dynamic Success Accelerator program is for you! Join here.
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Your Travel Bucket List!
I’m just about to go to Vegas to meet my Mastermind group who I haven’t seen in person for over two years. Have you been? or is it on your Bucket list?
Back in my blog called, 5 Things You Should Do at least Once in Your Life! I actually had more answers, and since so many had to do with travel, this week’s blog is a curated list of the answers for your travel bucket list.
These are still suggestions from the women in my Dynamic Women Global Community on Facebook! Are you part of the group yet? It's free to join.
1. Travel to a different country. ~ Denise
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
I don't know how many times I have been to a place where the people haven't left. Even worse, they haven't even left their city, state or province.
You really need to go to a different country. The benefits of that are:
When I lived in Japan for three years, I learned a lot about their culture:
I've been to a bunch of countries, but a lot more to go because I slowed down after having kids. While in Thailand, I was supposed to go to some other countries in Asia as well, but I loved Thailand so much that I stayed there for over a month. I’ve also been to Australia, New Zealand, Italy, Spain, France, England, Mexico, and my neighbor, the US.
I have lots more to go! My list includes Finland, Portugal, Barbados, Jamaica, and any of those, really gorgeous beach countries.
2. Drive to Vegas. ~ Camille
I haven't driven to Vegas, but I've flown to Vegas. It's pretty close since I’m in BC, Canada, so I guess we could try. Plus it’d be great to have a car to drive around. The only longer driving trip I did was to drive across Canada, from Ontario to BC, to come out here in Vancouver. My boyfriend at the time, now my husband, was the one driving. We took 10 days to make it a nice journey.
I also drove around New Zealand in a car for about a month. I think it was mainly the South Island. When I was a kid, I went with my friend’s family from Ontario to Florida to go to Disney World. That was good.
So back to Vegas, my first visit wasn’t until I was in my 30s. I feel like I missed out on my party days in Vegas because when I went I was starting keto (so no sugar, low carbs etc) and so I didn't have a single drop of alcohol, which was interesting.
3. Go on a vacation solo. ~Sandy
I totally agree with this. I did a bunch of traveling around Japan solo. I then went to New Zealand and Australia solo. Three months in each. Those were awesome experiences. When you travel solo…
I think it's absolutely amazing. I also traveled to Thailand by myself. I met so many people while I was there, I traveled with some Aussies, for a while. I ended up adding on some different destinations with them. I also traveled and hung out with some Israelis and some Thai people.
I definitely recommend doing this. Just make sure you're safe, especially as a woman. Before you go, you can check to see how safe that country is based on your country's travel advisories. You want to make sure you understand their religious and cultural beliefs so you can honour them and not be a target.
Japan actually was a really great place to be able to travel by yourself. It's a very safe country.
4. Travel with a backpack and travel wherever the road takes you. ~Jacquie
I'm such an A-type planner. I have overly planned certain vacations. Some of the best ones are ones where I have a backpack and a very, very loose plan. It allows spontaneity. A lot of times when backpacked around, my mantra was if someone offers me an amazing opportunity, I'm going to say ‘Yes.’
When I was in New Zealand I had a few cool experiences: I did a radio show to talk about women's rugby in Canada. I was invited to do a bungee jump. I also went to a cricket match. A lot of cool stuff can happen when you are just “go where the road takes you.”
I don't know if I would travel with a backpack with my kids because they're still too young (7 and 10). I want them to be able to carry their own backpack. Right now, I'm a hotel-with-a-suitcase-kind-of-gal. But in the future, yes I’d love to.
5. Go on a weekend away with your friends. ~Rupinder
Girlfriend weekends are amazing!!! Also equally as awesome… Girlfriend overnight trips. Girlfriend weeklong trips. A lot of times, my friend, Michelle and I, will go to different learning places. It all started when she invited me to go to Brendon Burchard's event in California. Then I invited her to one and then she invited me back.
We're kind of each others’ plus one for a lot of these programs. It was so fun when we got to bring our other friends Kirsten and Tazeem with us. You get to just be silly and have fun.
I also spent a week in Hawaii with one of my friends and two of her friends who I didn't know. I definitely went into that with a little bit of apprehension, but I “designed the relationships” and it was amazing.
FYI - Designing relationships is a coaching term that is basically two people talking about how they will be in a relationship with each other. All relationships: sibling, parent/child, romantic, platonic, coworkers etc. You talk about what you need and want to be happy, how you hope each other will be, any guidelines needed for the time together. It’s one thing I help clients with and is the 8th Pillar in the Dynamic You Program and the Dynamic You Book.
These women didn't know me, and so on the first morning, they offered me coffee, but I said I drink tea first thing in the morning. Then the next day, one of them said that she had put the kettle on for my tea. That’s so caring and lovely.
6. Be somewhere where no one can speak your language. ~Marilyn
Or vice versa, somewhere where you can't speak their language. There were places I went where people didn't really speak English, or they were too shy to or they just decided they didn't want to.
It's so cool to stretch yourself and to see how you communicate with people through other means. If you can't pick up the language or you can't piece it together, somehow you both can use hand signals or sign language. It's a humbling experience to go somewhere where you don't know their language.
What I found in Japan is that not knowing how to speak Japanese fluently and very quickly meant that when I did go places and people were on the train chatting or on the streets and then in cafes, I could zone everybody out. It was just white noise.
But after three years, when I came back to Canada, it was absolutely overwhelming. I was understanding everyone's conversation. The first place I realized that was the lineup at the airport to get onto the plane. There were so many people speaking English. When I got to the airport in Canada, and I wanted to go pick up my first Timmies in a long time (Tim Horton’s is a famous coffee and donut shop in Canada), I could hear what people were ordering. Too much English! I felt like I couldn't handle it and just wanted all the white noise to come back.
But definitely a really cool experience to try a new language and be creative and patient in understanding each other.
Those are six things you can add on your travel bucket list! Which one will you do? Let us know in the comments! Better yet, join the Dynamic Women Global Community so you can share your experiences and be able to connect and learn with other dynamic women!
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You probably know why you should invest in yourself. But do you know WHERE you should invest in yourself?
I often get asked by corporate leaders and business owners, “Where should I invest my time, money, and energy?” Because those are the three things that you're investing in, right? There might be other resources, like your team manpower, but three main things are time, energy and money. But where should you invest those things for your life and business success?
There are three different areas that you should invest in yourself as a leader to bring you the most benefits. I’ll share stories of leaders and clients I worked with who have invested in themselves in these certain ways and had great results.
1. Invest in Your Connections
Sara was feeling pretty lonely and unsure of herself. She felt a lack of belonging. When she did get into interactions, she was starting to feel a little bit awkward. Maybe you felt like that after COVID because things are very different now and you haven't been interacting.
Financially, this was causing her to not make the kind of money that she wanted. Also, she couldn't get ahead as easily. Maybe you're feeling that way, too.
What she decided to do was start attending events - events with like-minded women, other female leaders, and other business owners who she could connect with. What she found was that she was able to connect with someone who could specifically help her figure out crowdfunding.
It's funny because I actually connected the two of them by putting them in the same group for an activity, which was such a coincidence. In doing so, she felt more connected. She grew in her confidence. She got the answers that she needed, which helped her so much.
You should invest in connections, networking, and being with other people who you know you can help, where it can be a win-win, and they can help you too. Connections are so important.
What I've seen in clients I've worked with and in women that come to my Dynamic Women events, summits, trainings, and even with a group coaching program is that connection brings them so much.
It's really important to invest in your connections by attending events, being part of masterminds, group coaching, and/or programs. Different places where you get to connect and know a lot of cool people.
This also reminds me of the Jim Rohn quote, “You're the sum of the five people you spend the most time with.” Maybe you are looking to elevate your five and add some more people to the close network.
Now for the next story, I'm going to call this person Jen. Jen was wanting to start a very specific type of business, but she wasn't sure how to do things. It was holding her back. She kept saying she wanted to do this, but she wasn't moving forward. She felt hesitant.
What she realized was she was trying to reinvent the wheel. Maybe you've done this yourself.
Where is the 2nd place to invest your time, energy and money? In learning.
Not just any kind of learning, but practical application. There should be actionable steps. That's the type of learning that you want to receive so you know exactly what to do.
When Jen was able to listen to someone, teach her something, and follow their tips, (this wasn't even a program!), she was able to add $1000 in her profit to her bottom line in the following two weeks.
She easily put things into place by following those steps, and it was so much faster for her to get going. The key thing here is to invest in learning:
Right after Jen did this, not only did she feel like things went easier and faster, it also increased her confidence because she already knew the steps she was going to take were actually going to move her forward because they were successful for someone else.
I have seen other people save 1000s of dollars. One example is getting rid of some technology that they didn’t actually need.
I've seen people completely gain back hours of their week because they were able to follow a certain method or approach that someone taught. I've also seen people be able to bring in a new marketing effort, which has brought them new leads and new clients. This is all from learning from others.
I'm going to name this person Poppy. Poppy was feeling pretty stuck. She was feeling like her energy was being zapped and her confidence was starting to wane. She was at a high level and was a great leader. But she felt like she didn't have it all together.
She shared with me…
It was then causing her to not perform as well because she was doubting herself. She was thinking that she was the only one who was an imposter. She was keeping everything quite private to herself. But then what she did was she start listening to other people's stories, and she was investing in inspiration. This is the third one to invest in: inspiration.
In listening to one of my stories about where I sucked and where I didn't have it all together (I've got a bunch of those!) she realized successful women don't need to have everything together every second of every day. She said to me, “It's so refreshing to hear the honesty and the vulnerability that you're not perfect all the time.”
By continuously looking for moments and times to be inspired by others, she realized I don’t always have to be perfect. Then she was able to make it through a hard time because she was inspired to go for it.
Hearing great stories from others can give you permission to go for your goals. It can give you hope. I remember one day when someone said, “That gives me hope because you shared that story.”
I can give you probably 20 other ways to invest in yourself. But these are three things that you can do easily. It doesn't take a lot of time, energy, or money to be able to do these things.
Now, what are your next steps?
I’d say it’s to put all three together. All three are happening at the Dynamic Women in Leadership Summit. I've done it for you! I'm going to be fostering connections for you with other female business leaders. There are going to be lots of opportunities for connections with the speakers, experts and other women who are going to be in attendance. You can also connect with me by doing a Q&A session when you have one of the VIP tickets.
For learning, I have curated so many amazing experts who are going to help you to lead in many areas of your life and business with actionable steps. I don't want it to be just fluff. I'm going to ask them the right questions to pull out the secrets to their success, so you can replicate them. You’ll be supported as you go towards your goals.
For inspiration, we're going to ask the women to share their stories because the stories will stick with you in your mind. When the going gets tough, not just the tough gets going, but the inspired leader will continue to go forward.
Get your free tickets to the Dynamic Women in Leadership Summit happening June 3rd and 4th, 2022 from 9AM-5PM to connect, learn, and inspire. Even if you can’t make it to all of it or even some of it get a VIP ALL ACCESS ticket to have the recordings, bonuses and gifts mailed to your house.
Read my other blogs here:
1. What's it like being a Business leader and a parent
2. 6 Ways to Get Paid What You’re Worth
3. How NOT to feel isolated
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