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Today, I’ll share about why high achievers self-abandon and how to stop. This one is near and dear to my heart because not only do I coach people to not self-abandon by putting tools into place, but I also have suffered over the years with a lot of self-abandonment, not realizing really what it was because I have been praised for the perceived positives of self-abandonment. What is self-abandonment? It is ignoring your own emotional, mental, and physical needs to gain approval from others, meet the expectations of others, or avoid conflict.  For me, as I've become more confident, more outspoken, and felt permission to do that, what I realized is it wasn't necessarily to gain approval - I just didn't want to rock the boat. Maybe you've been there too. Maybe you're asked to do things, and you say “Yes” to the request because it's a fair request. But the problem is, normally, you maybe could say “Yes”, or it would be natural or good for you to do this because it's your skill, or you've volunteered before, but at this point, you're exhausted. Or there are times when you silence your opinions because you just don't want to upset others, and so it's like you're choosing to keep the peace, but then you're silencing your own opinions. You're choosing a good path; however, you're self-abandoning, which causes a lot of harm to yourself. Why do high-achieving women self-abandon?
We are, as high achievers, super driven, and so we're more prone to this because of things like, perfectionism. We want things to be perfect, and so we're just going to keep pushing and keep going, which means we'll self-abandon in order to have it be perfect.
2. People pleasing In people pleasing, we’re not doormats, but we can put other people's agendas before our own. That also comes from the fact that we're probably leaders, we’re caring for others, and we’re responsible for a group or responsible for the family, and therefore we put other people's agendas, other people's needs, before our own. Even though we know that we technically are supposed to put the oxygen mask on ourselves before helping others, it's just so hard to do because it seems like we can hold a lot of responsibility and everyone needs us all the time. 3. Fear of failure Another reason is fear of failure. By admitting defeat, or by taking a more gentle or gracious approach to yourself, maybe we won't reach success. A lot of times, we're proving our worth because of the desire for external validation since our worth comes from the things we achieve, other people's belief in us, and other people's opinions of us. Then, having to prove ourselves causes us to push through, even though we don't want to do something or don't have the energy to do it. We start to overwork When we overwork, we get into that place of exhaustion and we take on too many responsibilities, or we start neglecting our personal health for our professional success.
Probably - I've been guilty of these for sure. I hear so many stories from high-achieving women who have missed out on important events in their lives and their families' and loved ones' lives because they were pushing for a result. Then the thing is, society backs that up. There are cultural pressures as well. Being that I am Caucasian, my parents are British, there are not as many cultural pressures on me. I'm quite privileged, and I will admit that, but there are many cultures where you have to honour your family, you have to give up your goals, your desires, your education, for the care of your family members, to do what your partner says, or your parents say, or whatever it may be. My own experiences of self-abandonment I'll share how I used to self-abandon, how I’ve grown, and how it still happens sometimes. On the past, workshops, or trainings, I’d often focus on helping others instead of my own progress. When I caught on quickly, instead of asking questions or deepening my learning, I’d help struggling peers. This left me behind and forced me to catch up later, and it wasn’t my job to help—it was the organizer’s. At conventions, I prioritized supporting friends, even attending workshops irrelevant to my goals, instead of choosing sessions that advanced my personal or professional growth. I’d also engage in hallway chats, missing keynotes or activities because I felt bad cutting conversations short. I used to skip breaks, even when drained, choosing to support others over recharging. As an empath, I’d absorb others’ emotions which left me depleted and not get the needed rest. Now, I’ve learned to prioritize alone time, taking breaks to recharge and reflect. Finally, I used to rush home immediately after events, leaving no time to decompress. Now, I arrive a day or two early and leave a day or two later to allow space for rest and integration. These changes help me stay present, achieve my goals, and still support others—just in moderation. The negative effects of self-abandonment Negative effect #1: It takes an emotional toll when you're self-abandoning This could be self-abandoning once, many times, or just a life of general self-abandonment. This can give you chronic stress because you're not having downtime. You're not listening to your needs. You're not getting what you need to nourish and support you. Chronic stress, anxiety, burnout, and these are big ones: feelings of emptiness or resentment. When I think of emptiness, I also think of depression. Let's just dive off of that. If you're feeling any of that, you are unable to achieve what you want to achieve. You're unable to be going for the things you want to go for, to believe in yourself, to have confidence. This is going to start to erode so many foundational pieces of you, and you don't want that to happen. Negative effect #2: Physical effects Things like fatigue and exhaustion. You're going to have sleep problems because you're thinking about these things, or you don't get enough time to sleep, and other health issues that come from neglecting self-care.  You might get sick more often. You might not be healthy because you're not moving your body and you're not doing the things that you need to nourish yourself. If you're not eating properly, then you're not getting the right amount of energy. There are so many different consequences like high blood pressure and having cortisol spikes. This can lead to so many other things like diabetes, and we can go on and on and on. I'm not a doctor. I'm not going to go into it, but there are so many others. I even had a client whose retinas detached. There are so many things physically that can happen to you from self-abandoning, which is really sad. Negative effect #3: Your relationships Also in relationships, when you're consistently self-abandoning, it can hurt you in two ways. First, you self-abandon for other people's needs, and then they take advantage of you, and then there's resentment. That's not a positive relationship. It can also strain relationships. People close to you may become frustrated if you constantly self-abandon for others, feeling like you’re choosing them over your loved ones. This can create a sense of double standards and lead to a loss of authenticity, especially if you become a people-pleaser or fail to speak up for yourself. I saw an example of this at an event last weekend. One of the wives seemed to have given up asserting herself. Her husband was behaving ridiculously—drinking too much, acting macho around his friends—and it was clear she had stopped speaking up. She had lost her authenticity in the process, which was really sad to witness. Negative effect #4: Personal identity is affected When you self-abandon, you're telling yourself you're not worth listening to your own needs and wants. You aren't allowed to speak up about what is true for you, what you need to be able to put boundaries on things. It's really eroding your self-esteem. That's huge for confidence. It's going to leave you disconnected from your true self because your true self is going to be like, “Well, anytime I speak up, I'm not listened to.” Eventually those voices, the self-awareness, the intuition, they start to quiet down, because it's like, “Why bother? I'm not even listening to myself so why would I bother speaking up?” My recent self-abandonment experience Recently, at a convention, I brought my family along. While this time went smoother than a previous chaotic experience—thanks to clear boundaries and communication—it was still intense managing their needs alongside mine. To recover, I planned two days of solo downtime after the event. However, a situation arose that challenged me. Someone had no place to stay and was prepared to sleep outside. My values of care, safety, and belonging made it impossible for me to ignore them and their situation, even though I desperately needed my space to recharge. Initially, I tried to honour my boundaries, but as the night went on and no one else offered them a place, I let them stay in my room. While they weren’t very grateful and tried not to be disruptive, the lack of sleep and loss of my personal space left me emotionally drained and teetering on burnout. I realized I had self-abandoned to honor my values, which led to feelings of resentment and frustration with myself. This experience taught me how tricky it can be when values drive self-abandonment. It's a hard lesson, but I’m learning to balance honoring my values with taking care of my own needs. How to stop self-abandonment These are all the things that I do normally to not self-abandon, the things I go through with my clients to help them as well. #1: Set some boundaries Gracefully say no to people. You can protect your time and energy. You can set some boundaries around how things will be, and that's probably what I should have done here—really set some super clear boundaries. #2: Reconnect with yourself  Do things like journaling, meditation, take alone time for yourself, so that you know what you need and what you desire. I had to talk to a couple of friends about this afterwards to just understand what happened. Then I was like, “Oh, shoot, what happened, and why I feel so bad is because I self-abandoned. I didn't listen to what I really needed,” and that kind of hurt, and so the next day, I had to super honour that boundary of needing my room to myself so that I could have one night to recoup. #3: Practice some self-compassion Practice some self-compassion if you do end up self-abandoning. Don't criticize yourself. Just give yourself some kindness. I had to do that in this case, just like you would to a loved one, someone you care about. What would you say to them? Then come up with a plan for the next time. #4: Prioritize self-care It needs to be in your schedule. You have to put “me time” in there. I love honouring the Sabbath. Sunday is my day. I get to do the things I want. Oftentimes, it's sunny. I go for a walk. I go to church. I do some journaling. I do my devotional. Maybe I cook. I do the things I want—that's my “me time”. Get really good at prioritizing self-care by asking for help from others so that you do have time. It doesn't have to all be you. You are not the martyr of everyone around you. Delegate tasks, including mental load tasks, and decision-making tasks. #5: Challenge your perfectionism If you feel like you're super driven and you like things done a certain way, what is that costing you? You can let go of perfectionism. It will help you to get more done more quickly and not burn you out in the process. You don't have to sacrifice who you are and your well-being to have things be perfect. Trust me, if you feel like you're suffering from perfectionism, your eight is probably other people's ten, right? Or your six is someone else's ten, and your eight is someone else's fifteen out of ten. Think about that. Wrapping Up If you're good at not self-abandoning, will you never face a time when you self-abandon? You probably will. You might not be calling it self-abandonment, but just take a look at your life and moments and situations and ask yourself:
That's why I went to people's workshops when it wasn't even the topic I wanted because I wanted to seem like I was a good friend or a good supporter. When I learned later, so many of their friends never came. Then I was like, “Why am I doing this?” You get to decide how to live a life that is both successful and satisfying. We want to have both, not just one, not just success. We want to be satisfied, and so you deserve to be prioritized in your own life. You deserve to be on your list of priorities. I'm not saying that everything needs to change today, but what if you just made one small change this week that would eventually lead to big transformations? One percent, one percent, one percent to the point where you look at your life and you say, “I'm not self-abandoning anymore.” That's what I want for you. Want help to do it? You have a few options: The Breakthrough 2025—is a great place for you. I can promise you, I will never let you self-abandon in those sessions when we are going to go through your Breakthrough Blueprint. That blueprint is going to keep you on task. There are tools in there that will not allow you to self-abandon. It’s a group program with many benefits like having like-minded people, learning from other people's blueprints, and listening to me coach others. If one-on-one is more for you and you'd like support with self-abandonment, or to have this be your breakthrough year, then reach out to [email protected]. Until next time, everyone. Stay dynamic! Read my other blogs:
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Happy New Year! We are in 2025 now, and I'm glad you're reading this blog today (or you can also watch this on my YouTube channel or listen to my Dynamic Women Podcast).  You know, the incredible energy we feel at the beginning of the year, that excitement to make big things happen? Many of us say, “This is going to be THE year”. But let's be real - that motivation can fade really fast, and now that we’re in the third week of January, a lot of people have already given up on their resolutions. Today, I'm going to share with you three of my favourite strategies for keeping that New Year's motivation alive. Also, it's going to help you avoid burnout and make some real progress on your goals. I'm also going to share how you can stay focused and on track all year long. Importance of New Beginnings There's something really powerful about a fresh start. There's the nice newness and the ability to just say, “Screw last year! Last year is gone”. We get a clean slate. It's a chance to let go of those old habits, old goals, and maybe old people that aren't serving you, to step into something new for a whole new year. I've experienced this firsthand myself. Some years, I'm excited to see the year-end, saying “good riddance,” and other years, I reflect, “Oh, that year was so good!” But no matter where I'm at, when I can get intentional in the new year about what's coming up - when I sit down, map out my goals, and stick to the plan - that's when things really change for me. Having that really clear blueprint. But here's the thing: starting strong is one thing, but keeping that motivation going forward is what makes the difference. Maybe you're thinking, “I've started off strong. I did the plan. I am ready to go. I have a lot of motivation.” The truth is that it's really easy to start strong, but it's not easy to keep that motivation going. That's really what makes the difference in your results. That motivation to keep going and the motivation to reach your goals. I'm sure you've heard now, and I mentioned it a little bit earlier, about how so many people have already failed at their New Year's resolution, and we're only just three weeks into January.  I know that when I used to be a bit of a gym rat (meaning I was at the gym all the time, all year, many times a week because I was doing a lot of training for rugby and soccer), I hated going to the gym in January because all those people were there who made their New Year's resolutions. Good for them, but for all these new gym-goers, it made the gym really busy, and I couldn't use the equipment I wanted when I wanted. I was really happy that by the end of January, most of them had fallen off. But as I got into more goal setting and into being a life and business coach, I thought, “I really want them to succeed and reach their goals and continue the motivation towards achieving them. I don't want people to drop off from that New Year energy and motivation. I want the motivation to be sustained throughout the year. Three reasons why motivation fades Reason 1: You get overwhelmed by the big goals If we look at the goal of going to the gym, “I'm going to go five days a week,” and then that quickly turns into being too many, and you're too sore because you’re just starting out. When you're doing some of those activities for the first time, it really can be painful for muscles that haven't been worked. When we set really ambitious goals, New Year's goals, or just goals in general, it can feel exciting at first, but the sheer size of the task or goal can lead to overwhelm. If you say, “This is the year I write my book,” or “This is the year that I'm going to launch my new website,” or “This is the year I'm going to plan this trip and that renovation,” and there seems to be all these massive goals - and that's great, and you should have really great goals - but then people don't know where to start. Then they procrastinate, or they just do what they can, but they get stuck, and eventually they give up. We're overwhelmed by big goals, and that is if they've actually made the right goals. I've said in previous blogs about a lot of times people make the wrong goals because they don't go through an actual process, similar to the process I take people through in The Breakthrough 2025. Reason 2: They have a lack of clear direction. Without a clear path, it's easy to lose focus. Maybe they start strong. They have this goal. It might even be a big goal, but then they're not even sure what the next step is. How do I get there? How do I do it? They feel stuck. Have you ever put together a piece of furniture, like a bookshelf, but you've lost the instructions? Oh my goodness, yes, it's so hard! This happens when you move, and you'll naively say, “Oh, I'll remember how to put the bed back together. There are only five screws.” Then you come to put the bed together, and it's a nightmare. You don't know what the next step is. If you don't have a clear direction or a clear plan, you're going to feel stuck. You're going to lose motivation. That's just how it is. Reason 3: You lack immediate results. It’s hard to have lots of motivation when you don’t see the results quickly. Let’s look again at the gym example, if you're going to the gym three times in the first week because it's a short week. Then, the second week, you go five times, and you come into your third week, and you go twice, and all you've felt is pain, and you don't see yourself getting stronger yet. You don't see the difference in your body yet. It's so natural to be motivated by that instant gratification in the beginning, but big goals, or even small goals, require consistent effort over time. We know that, but even still, when the results aren't immediate, motivation will fade.  Practical steps You're like, “Okay, Diane, so if these are three of the big common issues why motivation fades, then how do some people seem to go forward? How do some people seem to stay motivated all year? How do you stay motivated?” Well, while I've given you three ways that motivation can fade, there are so many more. These are the top ones that I'm seeing, at least at this time of year. Here are some practical steps. You need to build in some routines to support your goals Obviously, if we go back to the problems, instead of getting overwhelmed by the big goals, break them down into smaller goals, manageable steps, focus on the micro wins, build your self-confidence and maintain your progress. You need a map. Instead of have a lack of clear direction, you need a map, or as I like to call it, a blueprint, like we have in The Breakthrough 2025. We have the Breakthrough Blueprint, and that's going to help you to provide clarity and help you to know where the next step is. (Side note: you could still join The Breakthrough 2025. I can still help you to come up with that blueprint, that plan, if you don't have it yet, and you're going to be able to get the support you need to have the right size goals and the right focus and the right path.) Rather than thinking of immediate results, focus on that process rather than just the outcome. Instead of feeling like you lack immediate results, celebrate those consistent efforts. Maybe it's not, “Oh, the book's written,” but it's, “I wrote two thousand words today.” If every day you could write 2,000 words, depending on how fast you want to write your book, how big the book is going to be, that's going to help you build the trust in yourself that you can attain this goal and build motivation. Building routines to support your goals Let me go back now to the building routines that support your goals. For example, every day, I spend five minutes in the morning before I get into everything just to review what are my priorities for the day. I look at my blueprint:
I've seen this work really well for my clients. Those participants in The Breakthrough 2025, they tell me all the time how these small habits, these tools - like having their guidelines, having their values, having their theme, and their new paradigm, along with the breakdown of all of their goals, have really helped them to be able to prioritize what they need to do. It's helped one of my clients, I know for sure. She was like, “Wow, this helped me achieve more in one month than I used to do in six months.” Monthly check-ins The other piece that’s really going to help you (they're the practical steps) are monthly check-ins. Because how many times - if these people at the gym in that first month had had more check-ins, more knowing that they were going to have to report to others and say how they did, that would help them. Check-ins also give you accountability because if you know that other people are going to be looking at your goals, looking at your plan, to see if you did it. Are you sticking with it? Yes! Then to have them celebrate you at those monthly check-ins, to be like, “Wow, so good!” We've done like air high-fives or Zoom high-fives before, to acknowledge their results, “Wow, look what you've accomplished! That's so amazing!” That increases the motivation as well. Monthly check-ins with accountability because if you know that by the end of the month you have to report on how you did in that accountability, you are more likely to be motivated by external reasons, and the results and acknowledgments give you more internal motivation. What does this mean for you now? You now know that you want to maintain, you want to keep that motivation throughout the year. That spark of the new year, the new beginnings. You now know the areas causing you to lose the motivation, and you see some ways that you can boost the motivation and sustain that moving forward. Now, the easiest way is to join The Breakthrough 2025. If you're feeling like you could use extra support to stay on track, if you don't want to muster the motivation, then this program is exactly what you need. Probably over 10 years ago, I remember seeing Brendon Burchard, and he said, “Do you know power plants don't have energy? They make it.” It's just like motivation - you don't always have the motivation; you have to make it. But what if someone else could help to boost your motivation? In The Breakthrough 2025, you're going to get a clear, actionable blueprint. It's going to help you map out your whole year with tools to help you combat a lack of motivation and to help you achieve the goals. You're going to get accountability, as I said, and support from amazing, like-minded women, and you're going to have tools to track your progress and adjust when life throws you curve balls or takes away your motivation. Also, coaching and strategy from me. One of my favorite success stories is from a participant who went from feeling completely stuck and feeling like, “I don't think I can do this” and not having much motivation to reaching her goals. She ended up hitting one of her biggest goals within just a few months of joining. She had a massive goal in the first 30 days, and then every month thereafter, she was reaching and clearing off her big goals right away. That's what happens when you have the right framework in place and the right motivation. Wrapping Up You know motivation is something that you need, and the New Year's motivation, the new beginnings motivation is where the magic happens. There is an opportunity for you to carry that forward all the way through the year. Break down your goals, celebrate your milestones, your wins, and stay accountable. Small actions every day, planning every day is going to help you to move forward. I encourage you to take a small action today. What's one thing that you can do to keep the motivation going? Maybe it's writing down that top goal. Maybe it is reaching out to me about The Breakthrough 2025, and if you're ready to go all in, I encourage you to check out The Breakthrough 2025. Do you have questions? Email me at [email protected]. You don't want to miss our first monthly check-in this year so that you can meet the group and have some really great momentum towards your goals and your plan for 2025. Thanks so much for spending time with me today. Let's make 2025 our breakthrough year together. Until next time, stay dynamic. Read my other blogs:
What an incredible journey the Dynamic Women podcast has taken us on 2024! We closed the year with 293 episodes and also celebrated our 5th anniversary!  As I look back at 2024, I'm still amazed by the raw honesty and powerful insights our solo and guest episodes have shared. You've told us how these stories have touched your lives, changed your perspectives, and even inspired you to take bold new steps in your own journeys. Let's revisit the episodes that you, our wonderful listeners, couldn't stop talking about! Have you been wondering if you're a trailblazer and looking for different descriptors of how you could be one or tips and tricks in order to step into being a trailblazer? Then this episode is for you. Diane Rolston, our host, is joined by three Trailblazer Secrets Collaborative Authors to share with you what makes someone a trailblazer. Here are some questions they answered:
Have you felt the power of other people cheering for you? And have you also felt the disadvantage and the annoyance of people competing with you? If so, then you're going to want to listen to this episode and share it with friends so that you can both be cheerleading for each other. In this episode, Diane Rolston shares five ways you can cheerlead others more because the more we cheerlead for each other, the more room there is for everyone to succeed. If you listen to the last episode about the benefits of accountability, our host, Diane Rolston, mentioned that she would do the flip side. In this episode, she talks about the bad side of accountability and the five things you should avoid. Don’t miss:
In the previous episode of the Dynamic Women Podcast, I shared with you Author Panel 1 of the Trailblazer Secrets Book Launch Party. Now this week, I’ll share Panel 2 with you! The moderator, Tanya Steele, who is also a collaborative author, asks some burning questions to our panel members, Barbara Wallick, Cora Naylor, and Jeanine Becker who are all authors in the Trailblazers too! Don’t miss:
Have you been thinking, “It's a new year. I need to make a plan. I need to make some goals and resolutions. I need to do all the pieces in order to have the greatest year”? In this episode, Diane Rolston talks about how to map out your successful year and what you need to do first because the way you’re doing it may not be the most ideal. There are some crucial pieces that you could be leaving behind. Don’t miss:
Have you been feeling like you're a little bit off track and you don't know which direction you should be pointing yourself to go? Maybe you've been doing a whole bunch of different steps and you don't see how they can all be united in one path. In this episode, Diane Rolston talks about finding your North Star and its importance. Don’t miss:
Have you been thinking about making your goals? Then you're going to want to listen to this episode because Diane Rolston will talk about the art of goal setting. Don’t miss:
Have you been wanting to be a trailblazer, but you missed out on our Trailblazer Secrets Book Launch Party? Well, you get to listen in on one of our panels today in this episode. Listen as Paula Kent, our moderator, asks some burning questions to our panel members, Leah Grant, Tina Collura, and Ashley Mckie. They are all collaborative authors in the newly published, Trailblazer Secrets Book. Don’t miss:
Have you been feeling like, “Oh my gosh. I just have too much going on right now” or “Life is moving at a really fast pace”? Then maybe you need to make your own snow day. In this episode, Diane Rolston talks about how a consistent “Snow Day” could be what you really need.
Have you been thinking that maybe you need to be a trailblazer? Well, in the latest Dynamic Women Podcast, five Trailblazer Secrets Authors joined our host, Diane Rolston. Listen up to this episode as they discuss the importance of trailblazers in society. Don’t miss their answers to these questions:
Wrapping Up: There you have it - the episodes that made us all stop in our tracks, hit pause, and really think. But honestly? Picking just ten episodes feels almost unfair because every conversation we've had this year has been pure gold. To our amazing listeners who make this community what it is - thank you. Whether you're catching these episodes for the first time or taking a second listen, I hope these stories continue to light that fire within you. Because that's what Dynamic Women is all about - real talks that spark real change. You can tune in to the Dynamic Women Podcast on Apple Podcasts, Captivate, Spotify, Google Podcasts, and other podcast streaming apps. Don't forget to hit that subscribe button and leave us a review - it helps other amazing women find these powerful conversations! Plus, do you have any topics that you want me to tackle this 2025? Send them through [email protected]. Here's to many more powerful conversations ahead!
Are you frustrated that you keep losing momentum? In this blog, I deal with this very common problem so that you don't have to be frustrated by it anymore and I would love for you to steal my strategy for not losing momentum.  Losing Momentum As you may have seen, I recently launched The Breakthrough 2025, and we just had the first big session where I took my clients through the phases to be able to create their own Breakthrough Blueprint. Then we have monthly calls now moving forward to make sure that plan gets into place. Before joining, one of the women told me, "Diane, I think this is the right option for me because, you know, I get going, and I start doing some stuff, and then I lose momentum." Have you ever felt that way? Losing momentum is the worst when you've already got a little bit of movement going. Getting that motivation in the beginning can be so hard. First, it's about believing that you can go for something. Then it's putting the right pieces into place, staying inspired, and then being motivated to go for it. Well, it's so easy to lose momentum and motivation. The sad thing is, if that continues, you're going to lose confidence that you can actually do the thing you're set out to do. I want you to be able to steal my strategy so that you don't lose momentum. Now, do I lose momentum? All the freaking time! I do, but there are things I have in place that really help me be able to continue things and keep going. Why we lose momentum Reason 1: Burn out Sometimes we go too hard, too fast, and we burn out. If you could imagine running a race, even a 5K race, and you decide the first kilometer you're going to sprint the whole way - probably you won't even be able to sprint a full kilometer - but you decide to sprint, and now you're like, "This is too much. Can I even finish?"  That's often what happens when people go for goals. They're so inspired, so excited, they've got this surge of energy, and they try to do it all, and they start neglecting themselves and their needs. If I'm going to keep my momentum going, I need to make sure that I am properly fed (I get hangry), that I have the right amount of sleep, that I'm caring for my emotional needs, whether that be by doing my daily devotions, praying, journaling, walking, phoning a friend, whatever it may be, so that my emotional and mental needs are being met. Super crucial. Reason 2: You get stuck At some point you get stuck, and then you go,
You're stuck in the place of, "This happened, and I'm stuck, and I'm here, and I don't know how to move forward." I encourage you to adopt a "How can I?" approach. Now, it's not always easy to have the "How can I?" approach when you're by yourself. Because you're in a silo. It's like if you think of a field with a tree in it, and it's windy, and that tree is being battered because it's by itself. The key thing for momentum and for being able to figure out those times that you're stuck, is to have others around you. Have others for the strategy. Then you can say, "Hey, this is where I'm at. How do I move forward?" Have others for the support and the cheerleading, so they can tell you," Come on, you can do it". Also, have people around you for accountability. Because how many times are you feeling stuck, but you're not really stuck? Maybe there's some sort of limiting belief holding you back. You need others there to be able to call you out and be like, "Get over it. Let’s go. Get it done!" Also, when you are in the first stage, when you go too hard too fast, you need people around you to remind you:
Reason 3: Negative self-talk Another piece is you start to believe the negative self-talk. If you are burnt out or you're stuck for too long, the negative limiting beliefs are there as well. How do you manage that? Well, there's so much we can do with coaching. But what I do, even before all of that, is I make sure when I'm winning, when I'm achieving, when I've checked things off my list, that first I am celebrating my accomplishment. Second, that I am being witnessed by others because I'm sharing with them what I’ve done, and third I'm pulling the wisdom from each win. This is a crucial piece of my year, and a crucial piece of every time I accomplish something. Now in The Breakthrough 2025, when we went through the reflection process - boy, did people perk up. Being celebrated by sharing and having other people acknowledge them was huge. Later on, you’ll be able to use the gained confidence as momentum to get past the lack of motivation or inspiration. At any point when we feel we have run out of the confidence to keep going, we can look at past successes to help you to continue on. Motivation Mountain Years ago, I did another blog around the Motivation Mountain and the importance of celebrating successes at the top of the mountain, at your achievement, at your peak, rather than climbing all the way down and up again. Because a lot of times it's the down, it's the valley, it's the stuckness, where we lose motivation, confidence, we get into our limiting beliefs and we get burnt out. That's when we need the momentum from the celebration, from the achievement, from the learning, from the golden nuggets.  That's what we did at the kickoff session of The Breakthrough 2025. This client who joined, who said, "Every time I get going, I just seem to lose focus, and lose momentum". That's not going to happen for her now. Why? She's not going to be burnt out because we have a plan for how she's going to move ahead with a Blueprint of tools, values, themes, guidelines that are going to help her stay the course. She's not going to feel like a silo. She's not going to be stuck because she's got my strategy, the cheering of the group, the accountability of a structure and these monthly calls. Even better, in VIP, where you get one-on-one calls with me, laser sessions and additional mastermind Hot Seat times every month. She's not going to lose momentum, motivation, inspiration, or confidence because she followed my process of reflecting, redefining and realizing. Wrapping Up If you want to fully steal (or let’s say use) my strategy, I encourage you to show up for The Breakthrough 2025. Yes, our main session is complete, but you have access to the recordings. You have access to me through a private online group, and you have our monthly calls for support - to make sure that not only do you not lose momentum, but you actually get to hit the accelerator button and go even faster. While you may think, "I missed out. I missed the boat of the Jan 6th session," think again. We've got 12 months, girl! We've got 12 months to do this together. Do you want to invite me to plan with you, to support you, to cheer you on and give you strategy along the way? Then make sure you click the link to pick up The Breakthrough 2025. You definitely will be grateful to yourself that you did, and you get to join an amazing community of women who are planning boldly, living intentionally, achieving purposefully, and they're going to reach all their goals with tons of momentum. Read my other blogs:
Let me guess: you've worked hard, you've checked the boxes, you've achieved so much this year, and yet, if you're being honest, every year feels the same. It's not that the same things are happening, but it just feels the same - not that amazing, or it was amazing but just feels a little bit empty.
speakers, high-achieving women, go-getters, driven, A-types who have the promotions, the achievements, the family milestones, and are being acknowledged for a job well done, but they still feel like something is missing. I’ll tell you a little story about a client of mine. We're going to call her Marianna, and she came to me at the top of her career, doing exceptional. She said, "Diane, basically, I have plenty of money. I have a great career. I have achieved so much this past year, and I have many other accomplishments, yet I kind of got to this point and I think, 'Is this it?' What else am I missing?" This was in, November - and she says, "I look back at my year, and I think, what is missing? What am I missing that will light me up? That's going to make me feel different. It's like it's Groundhog Day, over and over and over again. Yes, there are new successes, new achievements, and new projects. But there's something missing inside," and if you have been feeling like something inside is different or missing, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. There's this emptiness that can come. High-achieving women like us, we often fall into this cycle of doing and doing and doing more rather than ‘being’. I'm not just talking about ‘self-care being’. Let's just sit and let's go to the spa and let's meditate - no, like the being of really being present, listening to our emotions and feeling them, and being in that place of being able to hold space and not jumping ten steps ahead, and being in enjoyment and being where you can listen to your intuition. You have self-awareness. There's so much more here on the being side. But you see, high achievers, we are pushed by the external and the achievement, and that's amazing, and that's why we are so successful, why we've got to where we are, but that also can lead to things like burnout, loss of purpose, and a feeling of stagnation. You wouldn't necessarily say, "I am stuck," but you’re not moving as much as you want, and the year feels like the last year. They start to blend together, even though you might say, "Well, that was the year I accomplished this," or "That was the year I had that happen." You may set goals like
But the goals are just that - they're goals. They feel almost uninspired. We can feel disconnected from them and disconnected from what really lights us up. What lights you up? I was asked this years ago when I was on stage at a program. "What lights you up, Diane?" I was like, "Oh, what lights me up is when my clients have a breakthrough." They responded, "Really? You have a young child. I thought you would have said your child lights you up." I was like, "Oh, right," because I went into default answer.
I was disconnected to what really lights me up, which was the moments of joy on my daughter's face, that wonder of a child, or the giggle of my son when he was a baby. These things are not just around children or people who light you up, but what things light you up? For me the other ones are playing soccer, being at the beach, travelling, my faith and so much more. I can remember working with a client who was working probably 80 hours a week, extremely successful, confident in what she does, and yet felt really nervous about taking time off. She said, "I just don't know what I like anymore. What will I do with my time off? What do I like to do for fun?" The deeper issue here is that when we live by default and we're going towards our goals and our achievements - as great as those are - we start to move away from intentionally designing our life and our year based on our deeper, true desires and values.  We don't have time for those because as we're busy doing the achievement piece, we can drift further and further away from our desires, our values, what lights us up, what puts us in resonance, that energy, that flow - the things that you could do for hours or for days. We love it so much we don’t think about eating or taking a break or anything. What is that for you? I know that when I am facilitating, when I'm leading, and I love when I'm leading I don’t need anything because I’m in such resonance, I even forget about going to the bathroom, even though when I'm at my desk by myself, I probably have to go every hour or more. When we think of it, how much of our lives are we spending in that joy place, in what lights us up? Why this happens Why does this happen? Why do we get into this place? Now, I shared a little bit about because we're doers, I shared a little bit about because we're driven. We're going for the achievements and the goals. But a lot of that also comes from societal pressures. The pressure to be good, the pressure to achieve, the pressure to be everything to everyone, all the time. The…
Let's just continue with all the roles we have, right? There's a lot of societal pressure. There's no real push or pressure from society saying, "Connect with what you really love and go do that," at least not in this North American style. Then there's fear of change. Especially as we're getting older. I'm 45 now, but I find there's more of a fear of change because we get set in our ways, and we know that when we change things majorly, it can affect those around us, especially if we have employees or staff, spouses, or children. There are a lot of pieces that are already put in place. It's not that we can't adapt to change - we do, we're very flexible. However, we get to that place of asking ourselves, "Do I have it in me? Do I have it in me to change? I don't know if I do." Then these problems also happen because we have a lack of clarity. After all, we're not necessarily spending the time, investing the time to ask ourselves, "What do I really want?" Then sitting with that and the being so that we know exactly what's coming forward. When I ask myself questions, it's so hard for me to just sit, and I find that so often in my clients. They're like, "Here's the answer, here's the answer, here's the answer." Instead, let’s pause. I know it’s so hard as a doer, to not be doing. But if you can percolate on it. Sit with that question and come back to it a few times, you’ll get so much more clarity. I have to take myself for a walk in the forest when it comes to getting clarity on things. Or I need to pray about it, I need to sleep on it, because otherwise, I will just make a quick decision. Or simply, we just don't have the tools. We don't have the process to reflect and plan properly, and I'm going to tell you how you can do that. But here's an example: Most of us, we set our goals based on what we think we should want, or what we think is next in our path, not what truly fulfills us in that resonance piece, that energy piece. That's why so many New Year's resolutions fail. They fall flat because they're not based on deeper wants, deeper desires. We say, "Yes, this is the year that I organize my house, and this is the year that I lose 10 pounds, and this is the year that I make more money, and this is the year that I buy that new car I've always wanted." But it's not coming from this deeper place. The Solution How do we break this cycle? Well, there is a process that I've been doing for 14 years now: Reflect, Redefine and Realize. Every single year, I go through process which is now a proven process because not only have I done it for years, I took two other coaches through it, and then I moved it over to working with clients and taking clients through it. In the past, it was called Dynamic Year, and now it's called The Breakthrough 2025.  I take you through my three-step process. Reflecting - We're looking back at the past year to take golden nuggets from it so that we can move forward. Redefining - Setting the foundation for the next year by using The Breakthrough Blueprint process, so that your plan is really rooted in intention, authenticity, and your purpose. Not just the doing, but the being. So it helps you to be super confident in life and with what excites you. Realizing - It's great that we make the plan, we look back and we reflect - but then we need to be able to realize it. We turn that Breakthrough Blueprint into reality with inspired action and intentional steps. This final step is the one that helps you throughout the year to be able to take consistent action, purpose-driven action, and having the coaching and the tools to help you get there. Too many people just go, "Boom, here are my goals." Or "Here's my vision board," and they let the magazines, the images in the magazines, or the images they pull online dictate what will be on it. Or, as I said in my last blog, "Oh, this word, this is my theme for the year." They haven't actually gone through a process of being - a proven process - to get these pieces, to get their theme, their guidelines, their values, their new paradigm, and their goals. These five key things that need to be part of their blueprint - they haven't actually gone through a proper process to do it. It's all great, and you can have some success with it, but the depth of success, the impact of those things, is far higher when you've done it through a process. Wrapping Up My lovely readers, reflect right now about your past year. What would you change if you could? If you're really ready to break the cycle, or if you're just ready to be like, "Actually, my year is good, but I want to be better," or if anything that I said today resonated with you, then I do invite you to join The Breakthrough 2025. Because really, it's time to stop spinning your wheels, and design a year that you love rather than a year that is made by default. This process that I go through every single year is the reason why people say to me, "How have you had so much success?" or "How do you do all you do, even with young kids? I see you everywhere, and you're doing all these cool things - you must be so busy." I am achieving, but I'm not too busy because I am content and I can achieve my goals faster with my Blueprint. I invite you to check it out. The Breakthrough 2025 is a full-year coaching, and accountability support program. We do the kickoff on January 6th. This is your year. This is your year to have a change. This is your year to break through. This is your time. Let's make 2025 your year of the breakthrough. We're going to plan boldly. We're going to help you to live intentionally and achieve purposefully. Share this blog with a friend, as we know sharing is caring, and if you really want to lift others up around you in 2025 to the level that you're at, or at least to make things better and easier for them as well, then share these blogs with them. Until next time, stay dynamic! Read my other blogs:
I'm going to share about designing your breakthrough year and how you can start now. We don't want to wait until we're well into the new year. We want to get a jump start on it right now!  Imagine waking up every single day in 2025 feeling clear, confident, and completely in control of your life.
Many times I talk to people in my day-to-day life, or at events, and they tell me about the goals they want to achieve. Then I see them again, and they haven't achieved their goals yet.
I'm going to share the things you really need to do if you're going to have 2025 be THE year - the year for you, the year for you to have that clarity, confidence, and control, for you to reach your goals, for it to be an amazing year. Then you’ll get to the final day of the year, and you’ll say, “Oh, I don't think I could have squeezed anything else into the year. I don't think I could have achieved anything else. It was such a fulfilling, big year for me - this was THE year!” First Piece: You don't want to miss out on that motivator, which is achievement. A lot of times, I see people having the same problem. They wait for the perfect time. How many times have you told yourself, 'I'll start planning' or 'I'll start doing things” or “I'll start reaching my goals when things calm down, when things ease up, when I'm not so overwhelmed or busy”? But here's the truth: there's never a perfect time, except right now, to get going on things. It's important that when you choose to do plan, as I mentioned before, we want to make sure we have the right process, the right 3-Phase Process to go through. Don't wait for the perfect time, and then don't just willy-nilly make goals or a plan without a proper process and reflection. I’ll share more about the process that I go through and have been going through for 14 years, and one that I take my clients through. It’s crucial. Reflection and intention are so important. Otherwise, we just do the same things over and over again, and most people rush into the new year without reflecting on the past year. That's why so many resolutions fail - because they're not the right ones, and they're not rooted in clarity, not rooted in purpose. If you don't have clarity and purpose, you're going to choose the wrong goals, or you're going to choose the goals, and then you don't have enough motivation behind them to have them work. Reviewing my year is always the first process that I do, and people say to me, “Well, Diane, why bother reviewing? It’s a new year, new you.” It helps us to celebrate what we have achieved. You don't want to miss out on the greatest motivator, which is… achievement. As adults - and I see this in my clients or the women in the audiences that I speak to, and I see it in my friends, people I network with - we have successes, but then we skip past them to get to the next task or the next goal. We don't celebrate at all. When we don't succeed, or we don't do it exactly how we want, we'll dwell on our failures. We're reviewing our failures. We're beating ourselves up because of these failures, and we can't seem to get going again. People who are successful and satisfied (key thing: successful AND satisfied) - and companies that are doing extremely well know the benefits of reviewing your year. I don't just mean reviewing your financial statements, your fiscal year, your target numbers and such, but reviewing more about it, like how it felt, what you were proud of and even the soft skills. Second Piece: You don't want to make the same mistakes again. The biggest wasted resource in learning is not learning from our mistakes. We’ll often finish a project, an event, a launch, and we'll review that process. We'll review what we did to see where we can do better next time, but we don't always learn from our regular everyday experiences or the culmination of the whole year and all those experiences along the way. Instead of capitalizing on this wealth of knowledge, it just seems to slip through our fingers, and it's usually just forgotten. Often we just jump into the next year. We set up some big goals, and we end up making the same mistakes again, and we wonder why we have similar results. If you're saying, “No, I reach all of my goals all the time, no problem.” Okay, well, what would be the next level? Where could you actually get to if you put in the time to review? The 3-Step Results Process If you want 2025 to be like THE year for you, your breakthrough year, then you need a three-step results process. It's the one I follow, and this helps me to create my plan every single year. Step 1: Reflection I talked about reviewing, but we're going to use the word 'reflect' so that we're not coming at it from just an analytical space. Reflection brings in the emotions a little bit more, so we're going to be able to gain some clarity by looking back so that we can move forward more intentionally and powerfully.  We're going to look at,
We're going to acknowledge the achievements, the wins, the lessons learned. Then acknowledge the disappointments, the lessons learned. We're going to let those go. We're going to uncover patterns and let go of anything that no longer serves you. Now, the purpose is this is to give you clarity, and self-awareness, to build a strong foundation for your breakthrough year. Step 2: Redefine Many people create goals by default, like whatever just comes to them, rather than actually redefining what's most important to them. We need to do this to be able to set the foundation for your breakthrough year by redefining your vision of success. A lot of times, people just look at success as achievements - what they get, what they earn - rather than satisfaction. I want to create a plan that has both. I want to be successful AND satisfied. In the pursuit of my success, I want to be satisfied every single day on the way to success. Does that not sound better than just being satisfied on the days that you actually have success? This step is going to help you create the pieces. That's what I go through with my clients, to create all the pieces for your Breakthrough Blueprint. Theme: We start by creating a clear, bold theme for your year to set the tone and direction. Now, a lot of people, what they do is they go, “I like that word,” or “This word came to me,' or 'That's my favorite song, and I like that word that the song is titled.' That is a stupid way to come up with a theme. I'm sorry if this is how you do it, but these are really lightweight, surface-level themes. What you really want is a bold theme that has come from doing the reflection in the first section that's going to help to set the tone and direction for your whole year. Guidelines: Then establishing some clear guidelines - these are personal rules and boundaries. They're going to support the theme, and they're going to support all the other pieces that you put into your breakthrough blueprint. Now, a lot of times with guidelines, people are like, “These are things I need to learn. These are boundaries I need to create.” But they haven't come from that reflection process because, as I mentioned, most people don't bother reviewing or reflecting - they just jump into the creation process or the planning process, but they've missed out fully on this bit before. Values: When you get to do this, you start redefining success on your own terms. I guide you through uncovering your core values because they help you make authentic decisions, stay motivated, and build confidence in what truly matters to you. You're aligning your goals with your values. Paradigm: We now have theme, guidelines, values, then we need to support ourselves by having a new paradigm because otherwise, going towards these goals, and wanting to honour the rest of it, the limiting beliefs are going to step in the way, and they're going to break up your chances of being able to achieve your goals. Having that new paradigm is going to help you to not only break free from old beliefs that have been holding you back but let you grab the reins again so that you're in control so that limiting belief isn't really focusing or pushing your decision-making anymore and limiting what you can do. Creating Goals from all areas The fifth and final piece is creating our top goals by looking at all areas of life. Now, we're not creating 100 goals, we're creating like three-four goals, but we look at all areas of life. Otherwise, my business owners, you're probably going to create 10 business goals. Or, my high achievers, you're going to create 20 goals that you want to achieve in just a couple of areas of life. We don't want to do that. By doing this redefining process, this really ensures that the plan is rooted in intention, authenticity, purpose, so you can confidently pursue a life that excites you. I'm done with people having dull lives! I don't mean that people are boring, but what if we took a stand for having things in our life that excite us - more passion, more purpose, more resonance? That's the type of life I want for all of you. Step 3: Realizing After we go through the reflection, the redefining, creating that breakthrough blueprint, we're going to go to the third phase. Now you might think that this is like, “Well, now I'm going to get results.” Okay, hold on - it's more that realizing is the process through which you achieve everything on this blueprint. You're going to turn the vision that you have, that we've created for the ideal life, with inspired and intentional steps, rather than just, “Here's the next thing I have to do, here's the next task I have to do.”
 When we can set some actionable, meaningful goals, they're going to align with our theme, our values, our new paradigm, our guidelines, and we can use this breakthrough blueprint to create a step-by-step plan that prioritizes your progress towards your goals. Key thing here: without overwhelm. Because these other pieces are like tools, supporting the goal, helping you to get there. Then in order to realize your goals, we can't just stop at making that plan. We have to have some accountability. A lot of times it comes through coaching, community support, regular check-ins, so that you not only just say what you have done or haven't done, but you get to celebrate your wins. You get to course-correct when needed. Did you know that a plane is off course 95% of the time? Course correction, course correction, course correction. You need multiple course corrections throughout the year to make sure you're staying the course and to make adjustments for things that come your way. Planes are adjusting to wind, weather, storms, and other planes. The same thing happens to you. You need to course-correct when needed. Sometimes you know that yourself. Sometimes you need a coach to call you out on it. Now, in this realizing stage, the main purpose of it is to help you to take consistent, purpose-driven action to bring your breakthrough year to life. This plan is a living blueprint, a living plan, they're living goals, meaning they are going to continue to change and grow. Do you know what's really cool? As you up your confidence, as you have more clarity, as you have more achievement, oftentimes, what is possible and what this blueprint can do for you - it expands and grows and stretches so that you actually have more success than you thought, in the beginning, you could achieve. Pretty cool! Wrapping Up I'm announcing a special invitation: if you're ready to stop waiting, start creating your breakthrough year, I invite you to join me for The Breakthrough 2025, and together, we're going to plan a life that feels bold, intentional, purposeful. We're going to get you not only to be at the end of the year feeling really good about what you've accomplished but feeling good every single day - with clarity, confidence, and feeling like you're in control. You're taking action to get the results because of the three-phase results process. Got questions? Email me at [email protected]. Otherwise, join The Breakthrough 2025. I hope to see you there. Make sure you don't willy-nilly create your plan this year. Make sure you start now because I know that it's possible for 2025 to be your breakthrough year. Read my other blogs:
If you're feeling like you're reacting to life rather than actively designing it, then you may be falling into the trap of being reactive rather than proactive. Today, I'm going to talk about how to go from reactive to proactive, basically allowing you to design a life you love.  If you’re reacting to life, then you’re not actively designing it. This matters so much because living proactively lets you focus on what truly matters: YOU - what you want, what you need, your desires, your passions, and the legacy you’re meant to leave in the world. This topic came up because just this week, in the last quarterly session of the Dynamic Year Program (now called The Breakthrough 2025), we worked on what I call the Dynamic Life Blueprint (now called the Breakthrough Blueprint). That’s your theme, guidelines, values, new paradigm, and goals for the entire year. The feedback I got was incredible—women shared how much better they were able to focus and achieve their goals because they were proactive in designing what they wanted their lives to look like. I'm going to go through some main points around the problems of reactivity, the power of being proactive, and how you can shift from being reactive to being proactive, and what that would look like for you. Now, I mainly speak to high-achieving women, success-driven women, and women who are easily or maybe just through hard work, are able to get so much done and achieve so much. Then they get to a point when they meet me, and they say,
There are so many things that come up, and a lot of times it's because we are dealing with being reactive. The Problem with Reactivity Now, the problem with reactivity is we are constantly responding to oeoples’ needs, wants, agendas, and goals, without prioritizing our own Many times, when I'm speaking on stage, doing a keynote or a workshop, We go through an activity where I get them to write down all the things that are a priority, they name their kids, their work, their marriage, or even their pets. I hear people say, “I'm not even on my own priority list.” Sometimes, they add in their health or spiritual life—but rarely do they put their own name on the list. That's because we're often being reactive to what society wants for us, or making us like that whole “should” idea, or it is that feeling of the pressure of “I have to be the greatest mom, the greatest wife, the greatest neighbor, the greatest daughter, the greatest friend etc.”  In being reactive to those pressures of society, we start to forget, or we don't even look at the pieces that we need, want and desire. When you're being reactive, you're going to feel out of control in your life. You've given up the reins. A lot of these women have taken back the reins, and that's how we move into the power of proactivity. Being proactive because if we're not, the default will be work. Our default will be other people's agendas. You may be like, “No, I get a lot done, and I put my needs above others.” I once had a client who really wanted to go away on the weekends, and her daughter felt like she didn't have much of a life, and so she was constantly asked to dog sit. She then felt like, “I can't go and do things because I have this dog to take care of.” Then, on the flip side, I've had clients who have grandkids and then their kids expect them to take care of the grandkids or because you're not perceived to have a very stressful life, even though you're working, but they see you around, they think that then you can take on all these board positions or these other rules where it's just too much, and you don't realize it's too much until you've said yes, yes, yes, yes, and that's when you're being reactive. The Power of Being Proactive When you're being proactive, you're defining your priorities, your needs, your wants, and then you're able to put those things ahead of others. I'm not saying you're a parent and now neglect your kids. No. If we think of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, the need for a secure and safe environment, food and water, and then we get into love and other things, once your kids are fine, once other people you’re responsible to are fine, you get to step into that place of being proactive for your own desires. But if you’re most often saying “yes”, or you don’t know what's important for you and then saying yes to everything else, how are you ever going to create space for yourself? The power of proactivity gets you to a place of creating space for yourself that aligns with your goals, with your values, and with the things that are most resonant or energy giving for you. Sometimes, when we fall into reactivity, we're saying “Yes” to things that are causing us dissonance, lack of energy, a little bit of friction, and we only have so much time and so much energy and so many resources to give. When we are being proactive, we're actually able to get the things that we want done. Shifting from Reactive to Proactive When we think of it this way, that shift from being reactive to proactive, it's so crucial to be able to take the time to pause and to look at:
Without thinking, “Well, this is realistic. This is what other people have.” It's like, what do YOU want? What does that look like for YOU? Once you are able to measure your satisfaction in life, this is something I do in my one-on-one sessions, in my special Satisfaction Shift Strategy Sessions. It's also something I do in Dynamic Balance. When you do that, it's going to be so clear as to where you need to put your time, your energy, your resources. In Dynamic Year, I was talking before about how we create your theme, your new paradigm, your guidelines, your values and your goals. Again, when you have that and when you have the wheel of life with the wants and needs for six months or a year from now, you're going to be able to start each day with a plan of what to focus on.  Rather than sitting back being reactive, waiting for others to set the agenda for you, you're in this really sweet place of “I already know what I want.” I get to not only be proactive in this, but I get to implement things at a pace that's going to have me be even more successful and even more satisfied. Having that plan is really going to help you to set some boundaries, protecting that time that you have, protecting your energy, keeping you in resonance and really protecting your resources, because we know that we only have so much time, energy and money to go around. These are the key things. These have been game changers for me as a high achieving woman who's been constantly driven to do and do and do and do some more. I find that there come moments where…
If you're suffering from any of those, then it could be that you’re being a bit more reactive in your life, and you're not really able to fully design a life you love. When designing a life you love, you’ll face realities about what life is, and you can't put everything in your control. But what if you could grab back the reins? Because maybe you're feeling like, “I'm on a runaway train, and I don't know where this track is going, and it feels completely wrong.” Or you're in a bus being driven by someone else, and you want to get off, but you just can't. When you get to be proactive, create your own plan, and create what truly matters to you. life will be different Not only will you be able to satisfy your needs, your wants, your desires, and your ideal life, but think of the legacy that you're going to leave. Think of the impact you're going to have on others. I knew I’d be limited if I was to drop everything for everyone else all the time. If I were to say “yes” to everything that came across my desk, I'd have no time. We are only given so much time on this earth. I hope that today you're going to be thinking about, “Am I being reactive? Am I dealing with other people's shoulds, other people's agendas, other people's priorities? or is there time, space, energy and resources for me and myself?” If this is something you want to go through, the Wheel of Life and measuring your satisfaction and coming up with your Breakthrough Blueprint, reach out to me. We have the NEW program called The Breakthrough 2025 coming up soon. Email me [email protected] if you want to be on the waitlist. If you prefer to do it 1:1, please feel free email me [email protected] I'm happy to talk about how we can go through this together. I hope you switch from being reactive to proactive. Even if you're like, “I'm super proactive and I have a plan”, there are things that you can really evaluate to see if you are fully, completely on the right track for you. Stay dynamic! Read my other blogs:
In my previous blog, I shared about one of the core beliefs that sabotages your happiness - “I am not enough”. In this blog, I’ll walk through the second core belief, which is “It’s never enough.”  You might say:
Scarcity Mindset You get into this place of achievement addiction. You might not even be aware that you are addicted to more:
It creates this never-ending chase. The goalposts keep moving, and every milestone, every goal that you achieve, you’re not going to celebrate it properly, and it’s going to feel hollow. You’re addicted to the achievement. You’re chasing that high. This, maybe, is moving you into the "It’s never enough" zone. It brings you into that scarcity mindset of hoarding your resources, holding on to them, holding on to opportunities, not fully going for them because you’re afraid that they’re going to run out. When you’re in scarcity, you’re not sharing, you’re not collaborating, you’re not connecting with others in the same way because you’re holding on. You have a lot of reluctance, not only to celebrate but to enjoy these successes. The sad thing is, the success feeling is fleeting. It’s not a long-term satisfaction or happiness. These two beliefs--I am not enough and It’s never enough—they will sabotage your happiness if you haven’t already sabotaged it. Comparing yourself to others The "It’s never enough" also brings in constant comparison: comparing yourself to others:
and comparing yourself to your past achievements.
It’s tiring comparing yourself to others. It’s so tiring. Overworking The belief of "it’s never enough" can also take you to a place of overworking, and overextending yourself. You keep working tirelessly over and over and over to somehow earn some satisfaction. But it’s not enough—or it’s never enough—is this thief of joy. Because even though you’re trying to earn the satisfaction, it’s at the expense of something: health, relationships, your joy, your confidence, your relationships with family, your partner, kids, friends. It goes on and on and on.  When you’re overworking and overextending, you have such a difficulty delegating to others. That also comes in from before, when I spoke about perfectionism. It has you not being able to trust other people to help you. When you’re keeping everything close together, just like with a scarcity mindset, it brings you to a place of isolation or feeling like you’re alone, even though you’re in a group of other people. What happens? What happens to you in this case? Well, it takes you to one of two places.
Rather than just, "How do I want to chill? How do I enjoy where I am? What really matters to me right now?"  "It’s never enough" is always pushing you to the external rather than bringing you into the internal. Because you’re there, you definitely have FOMO—a fear of missing out. You say yes because you don’t want to miss the next big thing. You say yes to things, and then you’re thinking about the future and all the things to do. But then you’re sacrificing on current moments, the present-day moment, and the future, because we know the goalpost keeps moving. It keeps going further and further away, and you’re living in the future rather than today. You don’t want to miss out on anything, but you’re constantly striving, and eventually, the never-enough people, they get burnt out. 2. Not only do they have anxiety, but they full-on will burn out. Because if it’s never enough is a thief of your joy, if it’s keeping you from your satisfaction, sabotaging your happiness, then it’s going to be draining your energy, leading to more stress and eventually burnout. We only have so much emotional, physical, and mental capacity and bandwidth. When I heard the expression, "I don’t have the emotional capacity right now," or "I don’t have the emotional bandwidth," boy, is this ever true for the boss, the high achiever, that woman who is driven to do more, always more. It’s so true. We get to that point where we’re like, "I just don’t have enough left right now to deal with this," or "I’m just so tired. I can’t even be there," or "Emotionally, I don’t even want to talk to anybody right now. It’s just... it’s been too much." But even when “It’s never enough”, we still push on. Because let’s be real here: some of the things that we’ve been praised for are our resilience, our flexibility, our commitment, our ability to manage it all and multitask and do it all. Let me tell you, it’s going to take you to a bad place. Take some time now to look at "It’s never enough" or "It’s not enough" and ask yourself where these negative influences and effects are true about your life. Again, be honest about it. Wrapping Up If I can be of any support, please reach out to me at [email protected]. Share this with a friend who you think either needs to be looking at these things because they’re on their way to burnout or a lessening of their confidence, lack of joy, or whatever it may be. Or if you just have a friend who you think, "Wow, she’s doing so well, but I want to keep her safe. I want to keep her happy. I want her to be in the good zone here with her achievement level," then share it with her. Until next time, stay dynamic and focus on not just being successful, but take a stand for the AND-Be satisfied as well. Read my other blogs:
For high-achieving women—whether you’re the boss of a business or a boss at work—these two core beliefs, "I am not enough" and "It’s never enough" can manifest in profoundly negative ways. They often sabotage your happiness and success, despite all the achievements you’ve already attained.  Today, I’ll break down how "I am not enough" shows up in your life. I’ll cover “It’s never enough” in the next blog. Even if you think, "I don’t have that problem," you might! I wouldn’t have thought so either because I have a lot of success and happiness. But when I reflect—whether through coaching others, receiving coaching, or guiding women in my Dynamic Year program—I find that 95% of the time, the underlying limiting core belief is "I am not enough." Thankfully, Brené Brown’s research confirms this to be true. So let’s dive into the details. I’ll walk you through some key indicators to see if this belief might be affecting you. Be honest with yourself as we go through them. (This is part one of a two-part series. In my next blog, I’ll discuss "It’s never enough.") How "I Am Not Enough" Shows Up 1. Perfectionism Overload You’re striving. You’re going towards these unsustainable standards, which can lead to burnout, self-doubt, or a lack of confidence. Fear of failure is stopping you or basically paralyzing you, and preventing you from moving ahead. It might prevent you from taking a healthy risk, a good risk for your business or your career, like going for a promotion or even some innovation in what you're doing. 2. Imposter Syndrome It’s where you feel like a fraud despite the awards, the accolades, the success, and what everyone says about you. BUT you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Oftentimes these women, they don't celebrate themselves and their achievements. They dismiss their achievements as, “Oh yeah, I just got lucky there” or “Other people helped me.” For years and years, I quoted the Business Insider’s quote around how women and men view success differently. Men attribute their success to their innate skills and talents, while women attribute their success to luck and help from others. That's BS. It's great for men that they have this positive view of it, but come on, ladies, we got to step up in this way. 3. People-Pleasing You're over committing because you want to gain validation from people. You're doing everything for other people's agendas. You have no time or energy for yourself, for self-care, for your hobbies, for personal joy, for just downtime or doing nothing. That's because when you're feeling like “I'm not enough” you have big difficulties setting boundaries and then sticking to them, which causes you to feel overwhelmed, burnt out, maybe even a little resentful. Is that true about you? 4. Chronically Comparing Yourself to Others When you're comparing yourself to others, you're viewing them as
 Which really feeds those feelings of inadequacy inside of you, and I don't want you to feel that. Then you start feeling this unrelenting feeling of, “I'm falling behind” even though you're excelling. 5. It’s affecting your decision-making You take on too much because of, as I said before, the boundary thing, you feel like you can't say no, or you're making poor decisions because you're not in your own confidence. Wrapping Up All of these things will eventually affect your self-worth. I've mentioned it along the way, it's going to start eroding your confidence, if it hasn't already. Even if you say, “I am a confident person,” you have to think how much of your confidence has been eroded up until this point. Then you question yourself:
There's always that feeling of inadequacy. You can see how this mindset, this core negative core belief, this limiting belief of “I am not enough” can really be detrimental even to confident women, successful women, high achievers, and bosses. This is one that you really have to take a look at and ask yourself, “How many of these pieces are true about me?” If any are, then have a good, hard look at where and what's underneath this “I am not enough” feeling. Stay tuned for the second part of this blog, where I share about the other belief “It’s never enough.” You can also listen to the podcast episode where I talk about these two core beliefs or watch my YouTube video for it. Read this blog:
High achievers don't have to be more or have more. I’ll share about why we’re doing this, what causes us to do this, and share some examples.  Hopefully, It’ll encourage you to drop this pressured way of being—and learn to just chill, relax, and have a more enjoyable life. You might be thinking, “But my life is great, and I don't feel this way!” As I go through this, reflect on whether it's really true for you. #1: Cultural Conditioning Society does this to us. It loves to hype up people who are always busy. “Oh my gosh, you're always busy! You're doing all these great things!” It becomes an Olympic sport, “Oh, amazing. You just performed really well”. I’ll admit it—guilty as charged. I’ve been there. A lot of my external validation used to boost my confidence: getting good grades and being praised for doing everything. Before, I was everywhere, doing all the things. Now, I’m doing a lot of specific, selective things and I have a team to put a lot of it together, which makes it a lot easier for me. It’s so easy to fall into because of cultural conditioning—or let’s call it Pinterest Perfection Pressure. Everything has to be perfect. Often I don’t take pictures of around my house, other than where I am right now at my desk, because my house is a mess. I don’t always have everything put together, but it always has to look perfect or be perfect. Let’s be honest, it’s not. But it’s so easy for us to think that our value comes from doing. For example, you feel like you have to turn your kid’s birthday party into a Pinterest masterpiece with a balloon arch, handmade snacks, bespoke takeaway bags or grab bags—and every other part of our life kind of seems the same way. We have to dress this way, and everything we do has to be at this high level. Cultural conditioning and society—it’s screwing us over because we don’t. How often have you wished you could invite a friend over for coffee, but didn’t because you didn’t have a Pinterest-perfect living room? Or how many times have you wanted to go somewhere or do something, but didn’t because you felt like you didn’t have the right outfit to wear? It doesn’t matter. What’s more important are the people we’re with and our experiences. #2: Perfectionism This is one of the biggest things that revs the high achiever. You’re setting these sky-high standards for yourself, and anything less than “I nailed it. 150% perfect” feels like a failure. You keep pushing harder and harder and harder. You may think, “I’m not a perfectionist; I just like high-quality work.” That’s one thing. But when you’re losing sleep, not having a balanced life, not spending time on hobbies or with people you love and care about, then your perfectionism—or your desire to nail everything—is taking you to an extreme that’s not good for you. This can also be called overachieving overload. You’re overloaded with this mindset that everything has to be done at a high level. I remember being coached once about my perfectionism—I said “once” because there were many, many times—but I remember this one time when I envisioned one massive pillar. Imagine this big, big pillar, and something was on top of it. I was trying to get my project, my goal, to be at that level. The problem was that because it took so much effort to get to perfection—let’s be honest, high achievers, your “really good” is probably someone else’s excellent. Your perfectionism is like 150%. No one’s going to notice anything above 80%. In this coaching session, there’s this one major pillar—it was so high in the clouds, and I couldn’t quite get there to put my project up. But then I noticed all these lower pillars of unfinished projects. All I needed to do was take them from a “7” to an “8” to finish them. Just a little bit of extra effort would complete them. When I saw this, I envisioned all these pillars of finished projects instead of that one impossible pedestal project. That just would be too much. Maybe this shows up for you when you spend hours tweaking a work email like it’s going into a museum or will be printed on your T-shirt—while you’re juggling ten other things and letting important stuff slip through your fingers. It doesn’t really matter that much, but you’re making it matter more. Perfectionism is one of the things that's pushing you to feel like you need to be more, have more. #3: Fear of Failure or Rejection You’re terrified that if you stop being the go-to person or stop crushing it all the time, people will think less of you—or worse, forget about you. You’ll be irrelevant. You won’t be special anymore. But special in whose eyes? These other people?  I call this the AKA “What will they think?” spiral.
Who’s the “they”? Probably people you don’t even care about anyway. The people who you don't love. The people who you wouldn't want to hang out with. But that's really hard because once you get into that spiral of “What will they think?” it's really hard to get yourself out of it. For example, maybe you agree to run the PAC at the school or a charity, maybe you agree to run a fundraiser for them. Even though your calendar is super busy, it's like busting at the seams because “If I just show up on the day to help, or if I just donate money, that will seem like I'm a slacker, and what will they think? What will they think of me?” They won't reject you. There are other ways that you can be involved. Sometimes, a polite “No, but wish I could” is okay as well. We all have our own seasons. We're not meant to do everything every time for everyone. 4. Comparative Mindset You’re constantly sizing yourself up against others. This often happens on social media as you're scrolling, you're like:
 Like on and on and on and on, whether it is your friend, your co-worker, your neighbors, other people who are in the same industry as you, or someone's perfect Instagram feed who are getting paid to curate it to be that way. There will always be someone doing more and being more than you, at least on the outside, but you're probably comparing one part of your life to someone who's perfect in that area, and another part of your life to someone else who's killing it in that area, and one part of your life to someone who's 10 years ahead of you in their experience and their success, and it's going to drive you nuts, and you're never going to win. We know the show Keeping Up With The Kardashians. We could be Keeping Up with the Jones. You've heard that expression, and that's what it is. We're looking at someone else's stuff, and we think I need to have that, be that too. Seeing that other person's marathon metal doesn't mean you need to go and run a marathon or start training for a triathlon. You see someone else's spotless house, but what is behind the camera and how torn and broken are their relationships if that's the only thing they’re focusing on? You see someone else's home-cooked dinner, but did they pick it up at the store and then put it on their own dishes? You can do that with lasagnas, right? Then you're wondering how you've already lost it in life today. I can remember when I was in the early years of running my business, I felt like, “Why am I not achieving more?” My business advisor said to me, “Diane, can you add up all the hours that you are working on your business?” It was just the times that my kids were at daycare, and so it ended up being about 25 hours max. She said, “How do you feel that you can build an empire on part-time hours?” True. If you say, “Diane, I'm working full-time hours, and it's not happening.” Well, what other pressures and responsibilities do you have? Do you have aging parents? Do you have young kids? Do you have pets? The list can go on and on. Do you have your own health struggles? You don't know that other people aren't dealing with or are choosing not to put their energy and time into, that really should be. I was comparing myself at the time to coaches who didn't have children, and it made me feel a little bit like I was a wild horse that was in a barn, and I was like, kicking at the gate to like, “Let me out. Let me out. Let me out.” But what I would never have given up was the ability for me to spend these days with my kids, and I'm not shaming anyone who didn't have the privilege of being able to do that, but stop comparing your today to someone else's years of getting into that place. Don't compare your today to someone else's supportive environment to have that. #5: Validation Seeking Oh, we're all about the gold stars. “I like me a gold star.” “I like me a checkbox.” But if no one notices how hard you're working and how much you're crushing it, it's like it doesn't even count. You're looking for others' approvals and others to validate you, where really you need to validate yourself. AKA, I call this the Gold Star Syndrome. We're always seeking that external approval, but what if we just got approval from ourselves instead? Maybe you organize your pantry by color or by size, and then you wait for your partner to notice, and all you get is, “Yeah, that's cool, but where are the chips?” They don't care, but you've put a lot of time and energy into this, switching that so it just can be for you, rather than that external validation will help you feel more valued. #6: Lack of Self-Acceptance This is really sad because while you may love yourself and be confident in yourself, because I know a lot of high achieving women are like that, deep down maybe you feel like you have to earn love, and you earn that love and that respect by doing more, being more, being better, achieving more, supporting others in a bigger way. While if you were to just sit still and just chill, that feels super weird. You're like, “No, I’ve got to be busy. I can't just watch a movie. I have to fold laundry at the same time” because I can’t just watch a movie and enjoy myself. This pushes you to always be multitasking. Let’s call this the “Mirror Meltdown” because you’re looking at yourself too hard. If we think of this definition as just the physical appearance, and not even everything else in your life. If you looked in the mirror and then you nitpicked every wrinkle, every flaw, every laugh line, and forgot that you're basically the superhero for everything that you have accomplished and in everyone else's lives, all the support and the amazingness that you are to them, you lose. You lose because you keep feeling like you have to do more and be more to be able to accept yourself. Wrapping Up I'm curious which of these six resonated with you the most. Which ones are you guilty of, or which ones are you like, “Next year, I am going to focus on this one.” I'll let you know that our “Take a Stand for the And” Strategy Sessions are extended right now until Friday Nov 29th at 11:59pm PST. I’m seeing the value it's giving people to have clarity on where these hidden cycles are stopping them, to be able to “Take a Stand for the And” and have a clear strategy that they can put into place moving forward. There are only a few left because the deadline is this Friday, so make sure that you don't miss out and get your session today. Read my other blogs:
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