How to Direct Message on Social Media Without Being Salesy

Many of us receive direct messages from people we don’t know (or just met) on Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, and other social media sites. I receive A LOT of these. One thing that I notice with them is that their messages sound salesy or like a pitch, especially with new connections.

If you’re wanting to DM people, I will answer two questions in this blog:

• What is the best way to connect with people so you don’t come across as salesy or pitchy? 
  
• What is the best way to connect with people so they reply back?
  

There are a few kinds of questions that I receive on my DMs:

1. Open-Ended Questions

Have you received any of these messages:

• ​“Hi, how are you?”
• “Hello, how are you doing?”

I hate these kinds of questions because it puts the pressure on me to get things going. I’m then entering into a full conversation with someone who I don't know and I don't know why they're trying to reach out to me.

These questions are so open-ended, and I don’t know how to reply. I can reply “Good” or “Great” then they’d ask “What do you do?” Well, if this person looked at my profile, they would know what I do. Don't make me work because you want to talk to me. If you're going to reach out to someone, say more. 

2. Unsolicited Offers

Have you received messages like:

• “Hey, I love what you're doing. Have you thought about optimizing your website?”
• “Hey, I'd be a really great speaker for your community.”
• “Hey, I see you could be doing much better with your Instagram marketing.”
• “Hey, do you want to get more leads on Facebook?”

Who doesn't want good things for their business? Who doesn't want these things? But it doesn't mean that I'm ready to enter into a sales conversation with you about it because I don't know you. So you have to ask yourself, “What are you leading with when you're messaging people?”
Because when people lead with optimizing my website, increasing my Google ranking, or whatever, I am not shopping for that. Your first message should not be a solicitation. You should not be offering to help me for a fee in that first message. I did not request solicitation in my inbox.

I also receive messages like:

• “Diane, can I speak to your community?”
• “Diane, I have a really great topic that your community wants.”

Well, how do you know that my community wants it? Right, you're leading with your own offer. You're not leading with anything that I should care about. This is something you have to think about. What are you leading with? Are you leading with your own agenda? Or are you leading with something that would actually be for them? 

3. “I love…

The other thing that I often see is people saying:

• “I love what you're doing to help others.”
• “I love how passionate you are about what you do.”

That type of message could be almost for anyone in the world. But if you’re going to say such things, be specific! For instance, if you want to be on the Dynamic Women Podcast, send me an email that says something like, “Hey, I love what you're doing. I listened to Episode 34 about changes for the new year! I love the five things that you shared! I totally resonate with this piece.”
If you message me something along these lines, it would show me that you actually took the time to consume some of my content and get to know me.

4. No “No Big Deal”

Sometimes, people send things like:

• ​“Hey, Diane. I know we don't know each other, but I'm expanding my business in your area. And I was just curious, would you be open to taking a look at what I'm doing and make some extra weekly income? If not, no big deal.”

This is okay because I have permission to not answer her. However, sometimes what'll happen is people will send that but not the “no big deal.” And then they'll come in again and like, “Hey, you didn't reply to my message” or “Hey, I'm sending this again because you haven't replied.”

If that's through my business page on Facebook and I don’t reply to their spam, that messes up my response rates! 

You might ask, “If they want to friend request you and you don’t know them, then what's the point of accepting their friend request?”
Good question. My response to this is as a business owner and speaker who is in the public eye quite a bit, I will say yes to their friend request if:

• They are female business leaders because that’s my target client,
• I recognize them or
• We have people in common.

I’m trusting that they're good people and we should be connected. If you want to accept a friend request from someone, then you need to make the decision if that is a good decision for you or not. Have your own criteria for accepting friend requests. 

Your being salesy happens when you lead with your own agenda. 

You’ll come off as kind of awkward and weird in messages when you don't have a clear intention or you're not trying to connect with the person. So the keyword here is CONNECTION. Connect with the person. And so in order to connect with someone, you need to have a topic that is worthy of connecting about. 

If you want to connect with them, you've got something specific that you can say or to talk about THEM, not talk about YOU. I don't know how many times I've had someone email me and the email tells me how awesome they are.
One of the easiest ways to connect is to acknowledge the person in a true way for something that you admire about them, that you like about them, or that you want to compliment them for. Acknowledge them for something and then speak about what's in it for them. 
Here’s the question recap...

• How can you connect with the person?
• How can you lead off the conversation?
• What’s in it for them? 

Now here are some tips you can do to NOT sound salesy:

1. Get on people’s radar first.

Go like some of their posts, comment on them and/or share some of their content. When people do this on my stuff, I do notice! If someone shares my content and I realize they've shared it, I will thank them. Then I’ll be more receptive when they DM me.

 2. Find out what’s important to them.

Not what you think is important, but actually what is important to them.  You'll find out what's important to them by listening to some of their videos, their audios, and their podcasts. Or by reading stuff on their website and their bio.

3. Don’t make them do all the work.

Don’t just say “How are you?” That's an annoying start to a conversation (unless I know them). Instead, tell me what you want to talk about. Acknowledge their work, and be detailed in the message. Refer to something that they have done and just come from a place of serving them first, and then they'll potentially reciprocate.

​These are the things you can do to not come across as salesy and pitchy in direct messenger. Now, how are you going to show up differently? 

Diane

P.S. I have to take my own words of wisdom here. Sometimes I try to get straight to the point with people without connecting. That's my A-type. It’s a learning curve!

​Want to get on my radar? Comment below or subscribe and/or review my Dynamic Women Podcast! 
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Read my other blogs here: 

1. The Most Cringe-Worthy Salesy Direct Message Pitches I’ve Ever Received!
2. 3 Lead Generation Tips to Boost Reach and Sales
3. 7 Tips for Selling Without Being Salesy