The world is starved for Recognition AND Appreciation. Are you part of the problem?
I think a lot of it comes from what would be considered the number one limiting belief, which is “I am not enough."
We are constantly judging ourselves. (And by “we” I mean women.) We are comparing ourselves to high standards. Now maybe not everyone has the same standards, but there’s often at least one of these questions...
There's always judgment. Sadly, it can be by us, by friends, by family, by society, or by culture.
It's very easy for us to feel starved for recognition, starved for appreciation because we're needing to feel like we're enough.
Now, let me ask you:
First of all, if this is happening to you or happening to those around you, this is how people feel when they are not recognized or appreciated. They feel a little bit like, “Why bother?”
And when you're in that place of “Why bother?” you feel apathetic. You're not driven. You're not driven to achieve.
Can you relate to that? What area in your life do you feel underappreciated? Have you done things that have gone unrecognized? You may have been in one of these situations:
If you are suffering from this, I'm sorry, that sucks! I'm on a mission to teach people to easily combat this.
If we just change the conversations we're having by doing this one thing I'm going to share, the world would be a better place.
If you're doing this action properly every single day:
You can acknowledge others. I'm sure you already know how to compliment someone. You say things like:
Since you know how to compliment, we can now move to acknowledging a person for who they are, what they have done, and who they’re being. This tells the person they have good qualities, they’re liked and they’re more than good enough!
It's really simple. It's four words, or it's five words.
The five-word version is “You are a/an + adjective + the role or title that they have (sister, brother, mother, father, friend).” We can acknowledge them for really any role or any title. For example, you can say, “You are a driven entrepreneur."
For a more personal example, my daughter made a beautiful “Dream Big” picture. I can say to her, “You are a creative artist” or “You are an imaginative designer."
This is supposed to be super-duper simple. An example is, “You’re a loving mother.” Here, “you are” just becomes “you’re."
I want you to be thinking about short and sweet. Just give them the full acknowledgement and drop it there.
By acknowledging someone else, you are giving them a word gift. It's an acknowledgement to who they are as a person. You are witnessing something good in them, a good skill, a good quality, or a good trait.
How would you feel if you received one of these acknowledgments? Pretty darn good! You’d feel awesome!
Don’t Mess it Up
Sometimes when I do this activity with clients or women in my Dynamic Woman Global Community, they want to add on, and add on, and add on more reasons. When you add on the reason why you said the acknowledgment, they might grab onto it and then make it untrue. For example, you go to an event that is really well put together and really well decorated. So you say to the host. “Thank you. You are a fantastic host.” This is a great acknowledgement and well received. But you don’t stop there, you mention the balloon decorations, the platters of food and the music. Now the host doesn't think they’re a great host because they ordered the balloons, the food was catered and your friend organized the music.
And it may be fine if you want to maybe add one more adjective. You can say, “You’re a loving and caring friend.” But wouldn't it be nice to use one and make it the focal point or the center of it. You can also drop the title or role and just say, “You're so loving” or “You're so loyal.” But it sometimes helps to give a little context. For instance, if I said to a friend, “You’re so strong.” Is that physically strong, mentally strong, emotionally strong, or strong to get through things?
On the other hand, if I said, “You're such a strong athlete.” We know it's physically strong. Giving the title gives some context.
Be part of the solution
In the beginning, I said that the world is starved for appreciation and recognition. If you are going to help to solve this problem, let's talk about what that would look like.
Let's say someone had surgery that they had to face or they're going to be facing, and you said, “You're such a courageous woman,” left it at that, just let that land that's going to positively affect that person's circumstances.
It's going to start to squash and push down the saboteur’s negative thoughts and negative self-judgments and negative limiting beliefs that come up.
Acknowledgements are so simple. I encourage you to look for opportunities to give these gifts. They don't cost a cent. With what's going on in the world today, we really need to be seen in a positive way. We need to be reinforced and given that energy of an acknowledgement from someone else and then that will ripple out to others. Maybe they then look to acknowledge others as well. Maybe you will start to get acknowledged more.
When you do this in an authentic way, it builds positivity and awesomeness with you and that person.
Answer these questions:
This is one aspect of pillar number six in my Dynamic You Program and book where I talk about being Magnetic. When you can do this to connect with others, to be more approachable, and to be positive, people will be drawn to you.
This is how I said that you're going to be able to build your network. If you do this action every day, you're going to be able to attract more connections. You're going to build stronger relationships. If you have employees, you'll retain them longer. And overall, you will be happier.
It doesn't cost you a thing to say these four or five words. I encourage you to do so. Let me know how many you could do in one day. Could you do 5? 10? A hundred? Let me know how it goes and let me know how the other person responded.
How did you make them feel by giving them that acknowledgement? You don't have to ask them. Just check in with them. What do you notice? How did they receive it?
I am a coach, a speaker, and I run the Dynamic Women Global Community. It's a place I love to go live. I love to give tips, tricks, and trainings on how to be more dynamic in all areas of life. This Online Facebook Group is a complimentary. You are welcome to join!
I appreciate you. I appreciate you because without you being here to read my blogs, I couldn't do the work I do. Thank you very much.
How did you get where you are? This is often a question that I receive. It hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows.
If you’ve been listening to the Dynamic Women Podcast…
If you’ve been reading my blogs…
If you’ve been a client of mine…
If you’ve been in the Dynamic Women Community…
If you’ve been in one of my programs...
It means we have spent time together. Especially if you’re a client, I know you quite well. Maybe I don't know your childhood story. Maybe I don't know how you got into what you did or what you're doing currently, but there's some merit in sharing.
I’m going to go back a little bit to when I was a little girl. Why would I share a little bit more about myself?
So you can learn about yourself. As I go through this, I want you to think of what you resonate with and what you can apply to your own life.
Ever since I was little, I have loved to teach. I also loved to talk as well, but teaching was something I was praised for. With speaking, I was told by my mom that if I spoke for a living, I’d be rich. This is because I spoke so much. Haha! I can’t blame my parents!
I have two older brothers. They were four and eight years older. I was often told what to do or I'd run behind them doing my best to get them to play with me. Eventually, I found some friends in my neighborhood.
In school, the teacher would put the kids who struggled beside me, so I could help them understand things in a different way if they didn't catch on to how the teacher taught it.
I loved doing this. Using my creativity to teach it in a new way, that moment when they got it, the appreciation they felt, and how my teacher would continue to give me that responsibility... I then felt I was a leader.
I went on to be my elementary school valedictorian, captain of sports teams, chair of clubs, and President of Student Council in high school. Again, using my communication, teaching, and leadership skills. This drove me to do double honors in English and Media Information and Technoculture (MIT) at The University of Western Ontario.
I kept the door open to become an English teacher or a broadcast journalist. And I continued to play sports by being part of the varsity rugby team.
Maybe you've been in that place of having two different passions. Two things you wanted to pursue. When you weren't sure which to pick, you just kept both doors open. That seemed to be a pattern for me through quite a bit of my youth.
After graduating, I spent three years in Japan, teaching ESL and doing narration work for companies like Toyota. And so there I was, teaching and speaking, and a little bit of leadership.
When I returned, I did my ESL certification and started teaching right away in Toronto to immigrants. I loved that I wasn't just teaching them English, but a way of life. I was almost mentoring them in what they needed to do to be successful in starting their new life in Canada.
When I moved to British Columbia from Ontario, for love, I started teaching for a company right away. I quickly moved up the ranks to become the head instructor who helped hire, train, and support the teachers and develop curriculum for the students.
So again, I'm using my teaching, speaking, and leadership skills. I was living in a beautiful city, making lots of new friends. I got engaged to my boyfriend at the time and my desire to lead, teach, and speak were being rewarded in every possible way. This was about 12 years ago.
Even with all of my success, why was I going home every night wanting to re-energize somehow, sitting on the couch, drinking wine, eating crappy foods. Maybe you've had that kind of situation where you're looking to escape.
Even worse, I didn't care to exercise, and coming from the life of being a competitive athlete, a varsity rugby player, a soccer player, and a gym rat, it was crazy.
I gained a lot of weight and that was really hard. I shut myself off from others. I was still going to Toastmasters and other commitments as I was just keeping up appearances, putting on a happy face or so I thought...
Until one day my friend Rozz said, “Diane, what's up? You've lost your spark.” That was the moment where I couldn't hide it any longer. I knew something was missing. But I didn't know how to fix it. That was the time that I couldn't put on a brave face and just grin and bear it anymore. And the craziest thing was that people around me who really knew me, knew something was up!
Then began some of the hardest times of my life. I didn't know what was wrong with me:
I didn't know what it was. I didn't know what was wrong with me or what was wrong with my life. I then postponed my wedding. But that wasn't it either! I was looking for something outside of me to make it all better.
Then one day, while at work, I hit the bottom. It was at that moment I realized I needed someone outside to help me to get some clarity on what I really wanted, what I needed to do, and how I could get there faster than on my own.
I got on Craigslist, and I typed in “life coach”. That's what everyone does at that moment, right? Haha! I just had an urge to do it. You won’t believe it, a girl in my area had posted only an hour before offering complimentary coaching to four people!
I'm not going to go into too much detail about what happened next. But the Coles Notes version is that I did eventually marry that man. I left that job. I bought a house and we now have two beautiful children.
I found my calling and started the coaching certification process very shortly after working with her and immersing myself in not only the program but applying everything I was learning by working with clients.
I had found my purpose and I finally was able to know the piece that was missing:
I'm so blessed to have been able to coach men and women from all over Canada, the United States, and beyond.
I help them get back in tune with what really matters to them.
Just like when I was little and sat beside those kids in school, I feel like the lucky one being able to blaze a trail and stand beside female business leaders coaching them to succeed. I've also become a mom to two kids, and am just so fulfilled that my business is in leading, building community, coaching and teaching, and doing it all my way, according to my values and my priorities.
Can I ask you something? What was it that stood out for you? Was there some insight that you gained? Drop it in the comments.
If you resonate with hitting the bottom…
Share with me. Let's set up a coaching session. I'll walk you through it.
Another cool place that I love to hang out is my Dynamic Women Global Club. Join this community so we can spend more time together.
I hope this gave you a little bit of insight into why I love to do what I do. There are definitely more stories and more things that have happened to me and for me in my life. They have shaped me and put me into positions and opportunities where I've been able to grow and stretch and have the life I do today.
Read my other related blogs here:
1. 5 ways I am grateful for women who came before
2. How I Got My Butt Kicked
3. My biggest inspirations to create my life: Mom, Madonna & ME
Have you ever thought of writing a book or being in a book? Do you know that saying “Yes” to an amazing opportunity could change your life forever? In this blog, I'm going to be sharing a little story from a client of mine who said “Yes” to an opportunity.
The opportunity was being in a collaborative book with me and other top thought leaders, experts, and dynamic women who are doing well in their industry or have a really cool story or experience to share.
Every year, I put out a Dynamic Women anthology or collaborative book, a compilation of stories that I've curated from amazing women. The first book was Dynamic Women® Success Secrets. All the women were sharing stories and secrets on success in whatever industry they're in, or whatever part of life they want to share from.
Now, when I was working on the second book, the Dynamic Women® Confidence Secrets, I reached out to my authors to ask if they wanted to share the feelings they had in writing their piece or their experience in writing for the book.
I really wanted to include some stories from these authors in one of my presentations coming up at a summit.
The Response was so Touching
What I said in the post was, “I really want to feature and highlight some of you. I'm also looking for authors who are appreciative of the opportunity to be in the book and how it has enhanced your life or helped you reach some success.” The response I got from one of the authors was just so very touching.
One of the ladies said, “Hey, I really want to share because I thank you every day when I sit down to write my own book. My belief in myself and my ability to write has grown from that first seed planted by having the opportunity to share in the Dynamic Women Success Secrets book.”
That was such a rewarding message to receive. She said that she was going to send me a letter explaining this even further. And what was really cool was I didn't expect the extensive and deep response that I got.
Planting a seed
But first of all, I want you to think, have you had someone plant a seed, just kind of drop a little idea or a little nudge to get you going in that direction?
Maybe you think you couldn't do it yourself. Maybe you're currently in that situation where you're thinking, “Oh my gosh, do I take the leap? Do I do it? Do I go for it?”
Read her letter. Then, you can come up with your own answer of should if you do it or not.
From Paula Kent:
“I had always dreamt of writing a book; I found joy in reading aloud when I was little. A secret activity allowing me to share in the words and to experience how my favourite authors pieced together the stories that captivated me.
I imagined I could join their ranks, to write a great story, but fear and my own self-doubt locked away my hopes. I pushed it down, not wanting to risk others telling me I couldn't do it, and to be honest, taking any step to bring my dream back into the light scared me.
It was my choice to enter graduate school, which had me pull that dream out of hiding. While I was writing in an academic style, the action of thought generation and word choice dusted off the childhood dream, and I once again found that spark joy. Yet, I never polished that dream; it was enough to write for school. To go deeper into that dream never occurred to me, an unspoken and unrealized fear held me back.
It was an email that changed all that, one email inviting me to find out more, and participate in an anthology and share my success secrets. Thoughts rocketed around in my mind; success? Write? What? It was the idea that Diane thought I had something to share, more than any inner confidence that led me to attend that first information session. What I heard excited me; my dream of writing and of being an author, oh it grew legs and burst wide open. Just imagining that someone would read my words, it was an intoxicating pull. I joined, so happy to have received the opportunity… and then self- doubt arrived.
Self-doubt reigned, joined by fear; the gamut of emotions was intense, almost paralyzing me. But now that the dream was out in the open; I kept coming back to it. I would sit with my vision, thinking about writing and imagining how it would feel to hold a book in my hand. A book that contained my words, a small piece of my truth, and I knew that I had to write something or else that dream would disappear, and this time it might not come. That was my motivation – the fear of losing my dream again. As a child when we don't follow our dreams, they go to sleep, they will stick around and stay with us. As an adult, when the dream is staring at you, if you don't walk forward through your fears, it might just leave for good. That was my motivation. I couldn't risk losing my dream again.
So I wrote, too many words, many many iterations, and my computer trash grew. When it happen, when I found the idea which resonated, I didn't have to chase it; it flowed.
The day I picked up the Success Secrets was sunny and glorious, I cried tears of joy and of pride at what I had contributed. I also knew that I wanted to experience it again. My trajectory changed. I am living my dream - I am currently writing my first book.”
Wasn’t that amazing to read?! I might have shed a tear and my heart was bursting with pride and joy. Now, it’s your turn.
Questions to ask yourself
I ask you:
I don't usually share a letter from someone else. I don't share someone else's words. At least not to that extent, maybe just a quote or two.
But this woman, this author once and soon to be twice, she said “Yes”.
She didn't let that die. She didn't ignore it. She listened. And key thing, she took action.
I ask you to look at your life and think, “Am I saying YES to the deep things that I want or am I settling? Am I too afraid to go for what I want? Or are there people around me that could help me?”
All you need to do today is to say “Yes.”
Just say yes and claim it.
You're going to hear more of this woman. I know it. I'm seeing the growth that she's having. Paula Kent will have her book published in a few weeks.
If you want to say “Yes”
If you…also have a profound story of how you've said “Yes” to someone giving you an opportunity or said “Yes” to a seed that was planted.
If you…want to be able to say “Yes”.
If you…want to have clarity about what is it that you have to do.
If you…want the confidence to know that you can take that next step.
If you…want to be able to get into action, real action, and be accountable and be able to move forward in an easy and efficient way…
Reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. You may also check out author opportunities at my website if you want to learn more about how to easily be an author with my team’s help.
Just say yes and you never know where it may take you!
Have you ever thought, “Maybe I should be taking on more… maybe I should be doing more things that scare me?”
American Journalist, Chicago Tribune Columnist, and Pulitzer Prize winner, Mary Schmich, has a quote that I actually live by. She says, “Do one thing every day that scares you."
I absolutely love this quote. It means you're growing since we're often fearful of things that we haven't done or things that stretch us. Be open to new things and change by welcoming one thing every day that scares you. You’ll grow your ability to adapt. You’ll grow or increase your risk tolerance and grow yourself.
Is that always the case?
I want to let you know that I believe that now might not be the time to be doing this. It might be better to pull back on implementing this way of life, at least for me, and maybe it's also true for you.
The world is in a bit of chaos. I’m sure you know what I mean:
We’re changing just generally how we go through life. So much of our way of life is being dictated by the pandemic and by the government.
Psychologists say we're in a mild fight or flight response to life right now, which is causing our adrenal glands to go into overdrive. Our cortisol shoots up. Our bodies feel the stress ALL. THE. TIME.
Unlike other stressors in life that come and go, we get this mild stress through life every day.
This whole idea of doing something each day that scares you can also have the same effect, though it would be a lower dose of stress, depending on the activity, because obviously, skydiving probably doesn't count.
But if you're already feeling off right now, finding that you can't focus, struggling to get things done, and you're overwhelmed easily, listen up. Now is not the time to challenge yourself with what scares you.
It's not even the time to push yourself beyond your limits. It's just not worth the damage it can do to your emotional health, physical body, and even your confidence.
You see a stressed body gets sicker easier because your immune system is down. But you know that. When you're stressed, you have a harder time being creative, visionary, and dealing with obstacles which are three qualities that are helpful when doing something that scares you or even just having a successful life.
Now, how do I know?
Well, I tend to push myself beyond the limits in many situations. This time I figured it out.
Back in July of 2020, I went to Ontario for a scheduled visit. I was already feeling off with the whole COVID-19 situation, and I had to make changes in my business. I was dealing with the kids being home since March and any parent or caregiver knows how hard that is to have them be off AND still run your business.
Then my father went into palliative care. So then added on to everything else, I'm dealing with my father's death approaching. I was unsure of a lot of things:
I basically canceled everything that brought me mental stress. But I went into overdrive with things that stressed my body physically:
It felt good to get my mind off of what was happening. It felt good to still achieve.
And then nine days later, my father passed away. With pushing myself physically, I got a weird rash on my arms and legs. I thought it was poison ivy or poison oak because mom had poison ivy earlier in the spring.
But was it stress?
You see, the places where I was scratched from the berry bushes started up first. But once I was days away from the garden and had cream even for the rash, it continued to spread.
Then I picked up a cold and I had to get tested for coronavirus. Even though it was negative, I wasn’t able to kick the cold symptoms. They just kept lingering.
Now, as a past varsity rugby player and a competitive soccer player, I know the importance of resting a stressed muscle, a rolled ankle, and being kind to my body after a tough game.
But why don't we do this with our emotional health? Because maybe we don't see it? Because it doesn't swell up and hurt the same way? But I know that I would never go and play a game with a broken leg, would you?
You make your own call
If you have life fairly balanced and you want to stretch yourself, then take Mary's quote and do one thing every day that scares you. Or maybe you decide to do it just once a month or once a week.
Again, it's your call.
But if you're feeling overwhelmed, unfocused, and then you can't handle anymore, then don't. Because I won't be for now as I come up to the one year anniversary of my Father’s passing.
I won't be living according to this quote. I won't be taking on things that scare me every day. But trust me, I'll keep assessing when I can because I have so many things that I want to do in this big, beautiful world.
P.S. If you can relate to what I shared today and want to process your emotions more or come up with some really cool things to do that scare you, and have accountability for, reach out to me. You can email me at email@example.com.
Read more of my related blogs here:
Get Goaled! Coaching Mastermind
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