It's year-end! Have you been thinking about giving back? There is a real art to it. Giving back is part of our nature. Giving, I could say more so, is part of being a woman. As this year draws to a close or if you are taking this information in at another time of year, you can still be reading and planning as to how you want to be giving back. Importance of giving back It's always at the end of the year that I decide, “Okay, who have I not given enough to? Who are the new people or organizations and charities that I want to give to?” Now is the perfect time to do that. There is a big push for all these charities, organizations, and special services that are looking for fundraising dollars now, so they can support their budgets throughout the year, so they can:
It's important to give back because many organizations will only survive if they have donors and if they have people who are supporting them in one way or another. Giving back means that those services that are near and dear to your heart, the ones that are in alignment with your personal values, your mission, your business, or whatever it may be, can continue to do good work. If you put your dollars into Amazon, you're growing Amazon. If you put your dollars into a women's local shelter, then you're helping the people around you get the help they critically need. When we are blessed with finances, security, jobs, and business, then it is our duty to give back. I'm not going to tell you how much you have to give back. You know how much tithing you need to do. But it’s important that if we have, then we give. You may not have money to give and that's okay, but you maybe have time. All the different things you can give are:
You can also be the one who collects from others. A few things that we've done in the past is for the gala that we did for the Dynamic Women Community. I invited the women to bring pajamas, underwear, socks, and other personal products, in order to have these items available for the women in shelters, which was for Joy's Place Emergency Shelter. I have done others where it was feminine products, toothbrushes, body wash, these sorts of things for women in shelters. I've collected items that are one-use or small-use, like shampoo, conditioner, razors, mittens, and things for the women in the Downtown Eastside in Vancouver. Collecting these items could be the thing that you do. I've also collected probably two suitcases or two garbage bags full of bras, mainly used bras, that were being sent over to Africa for the women there because I heard that women who don't wear a bra are more targeted for sexual abuse, rape, and kidnapping. That appalled me and I thought if I could do one little thing it would make a big difference. I can remember dropping them off to the person who was going to bring them over. I had my daughter in her stroller and two big garbage bags of bras. There are many different ways and things you can give - like your time. Recently, with my church, my family and I helped to do a big Christmas dinner. I think it was 400 people. My job for two or three hours was serving drinks and special baked goods to the people as they came in and were waiting for their dinner. Then my job was to clean up and take down all the Christmas lights and the decorations. Then to help reset the location by bringing all the tables back and cleaning up all the garbage. That was just a one-off give back. It's important to give back. We get it, but a lot of times, this gets forgotten, or we go to a store like Walmart and at the till we get asked, “Do you want to give $2 to Children's Hospital?” Or we go somewhere else, and we get asked, “Do you want to give $1 to this or $5 to that?” That's not how I give. Now, that's great, but a lot of times, the companies have already given, and they're looking to recoup the donation. Who to pick It's great if at the beginning of the year, you choose who to give to. I get that we're at the end of the year now, and so it's like getting it in under the deadline, but still intentionally choose who and how much to give. For me, it's always important that I give to the Cancer Society because my father passed away from cancer. That one is near and dear to my heart. I also give to MS Canada because I have a few clients dealing with it. I also believe in giving to women's shelters like Nova Vita in my hometown of Brantford because I see that we're only one decision that we've made or someone else has made for us, that would put us in need of using a women's shelter. Because I feel blessed that I haven't had to use an emergency shelter or domestic abuse services, I want to make sure that they have the resources. I give money every year. Sometimes I donate my Dynamic You book. I just feel like that is really important to me. One that my parents always gave to was The War Amps. That's the key tags where if you lose your keys, and it says on there, just put it in a mailbox and there's an agreement with the Postal Service, that they will find the owner again of the keys and give them back. I always donate because I see that also as a service. Then we're giving to BC Children's Hospital because my daughter had a hernia and had surgery there. They were so good. My son also broke his femur and he was in there. It's just really important for me to be giving back. Also giving to the SPCA, that's where we usually get our animals from. This year, we got two cats from the Langley Animal Protection Services. When we went there, we donated food to them. The “Who to pick?” is going to have to be connected to you. Do you want to give locally? I give to a women's shelter here locally. I also give to a women's shelter in my hometown. Or is it provincially/statewide? Or nationally? Or even globally? Which level are you wanting to give to? Is it something that's near and dear to your heart? Is it based on maybe some family member that was affected by a disease? Is it a service that you've used or a friend has used? Just be thinking about who you're going to pick. I know that my parents gave to a lot of different organizations, and they would allot a certain amount. It is okay that if someone asks you for a donation that you say, “I'll think about it for next year. But we've already allotted our donations for this year.” You're totally ok to do that. You don't have to donate to everyone and every organization, but when you plan it, you're going to be able to see where you want to give, and you'll be able to know how much you want to give. I know for tax purposes, it's always good to give over $20 so that you get a tax receipt, and maybe you need to write off a certain amount of money in order to reduce your tax bracket. I'm not going to go into taxes. That is not the purpose for philanthropy. Also, if you have a service that you provide, maybe an organization would give you a “gift in kind” receipt for your services or gifting of your unneeded car to a specific organization or other items for an auction. Just be thinking about that as well, since there are so many different ways to give. It doesn't just have to be money. How do you want to give? Well, we're right at the end of the year, so I encourage you just go give. Give presents where they're needed, like for different children's charities or families in need. We did a couple of hampers this year, from my soccer team and my women’s church group. At the end of the year, it's different. But going into the next year, be thinking about how you want to give. Do you want to give a monthly donation? I used to do direct deposit for my church every month. It would just automatically come out, but then I decided, instead, I would invest that money and then do a lump sum at the end of the year. Giving cash is always better because using your credit card charges the charity fees, so you're actually giving them less than you intended. Yes, you get points, but at the cost of them having the expense. Cash is great and E-transfer is even better, then you have a bit of a paper trail in case anything goes wrong. Be thinking about that as an option, or writing a cheque works well too. But at this point in the year, you're going to have to drop it off. Be thinking about that. We want to keep more money in the pocket of the charity or the organization that we're donating to. *Side note for small business owners, when you buy something from a small business owner, use cash as much as you can or debit so that they don't incur the credit card fees. Build in giving into your life If you build in giving, then it's part of your monthly budget. It's part of your goal setting. It's part of your calendar. You can plan, “I'm going to give back by donating my time to this organization at this place, and it will already be scheduled in there.” That's how you build in giving into your life. You can ask yourself:
It doesn't always have to be to charities. It could be you mentoring someone, or joining a non-paid board, a volunteer board and giving your time, energy, and connections. It could be you donating a certain percentage of your salary or what you bring in, and it could be something you discuss with your family, “Where are we going to give and how are we going to do that as a family not just as an individual?” Build in giving into your business Last but not least is thinking about how do we build in giving into our business. Here are some options:
For my book launch of Dynamic You, we did something called the “More Than One Campaign.” I also do this when I go to big conferences. I encourage the women to buy more than one book. But that second book is left behind with me, and I donate it to a women's shelter. They buy one book for themselves, and they buy a book for a woman who maybe couldn't afford it or is now just receiving a lovely gift as she leaves the shelter on her journey for the next chapter of her life. When you build in giving into your business, you can plan the giving. You can do it in a way that makes sense for your business, both from a structural way, also from a way of announcing it. It's not around a marketing ploy. But we all know certain companies, that when you buy one of something, you know that one is going to be donated. That can be the deciding factor for a lot of people really believing in your philanthropic ways of your business and wanting to support that. You don't necessarily have to have your own foundation or your own nonprofit or your own special services, but can you align yourself with a specific organization? Can you give stage time? Can you send emails about them? Can you make social postings about them? Can you put them on your podcast so that you help to spread the word about this organization, charity, nonprofit or whatever it may be. Now, there are so many other ways you can be philanthropic in your business and in your life. I just kept it to the actual exchange of you giving your time, energy, product, or money in a kind of potentially one-off way or a way where it fits into your life and business. There are so many bigger, grander things you could do, like saying,
Whatever it is for, there is an art to giving back. The key thing is just having intention around it, and then implementing it. It doesn't have to be a lot or hard. It’s just so important, especially as women, our donation dollars count, our voice at the table makes a difference, and volunteering matters. Our ability to share our skills, and just show the younger generation the impact that we can make, not just for profit, but for good, is really important. I'm curious, if you’re already donating, who do you give to? Why is that important to you? If you're thinking about how to be more philanthropic in your life or your business, please share that. I would love for you and your journey and what you're going to implement to inspire others. P.S. Want 2024 to be your best year? The Dynamic Year™ program gives you the chance to look at the past year to capture the good, release the bad, and move forward with the golden nuggets we have uncovered. You get all the info, tools, and templates you need to benefit from the 3-Step Foundation and create your Dynamic Life Blueprint for a great year. Read my other blogs here:
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In my previous blog, I talked about the times I felt stuck, what I did to ditch that feeling, and how you can find the reason why you're stuck. Now, I’ll share with you the “How Can I” Approach” and why I wanted to write about this stuck feeling topic. Go to the link below to read part one first: https://www.dianerolston.com/blog/are-you-wanting-to-ditch-the-stuck-feeling-for-good The “How Can I” Approach This is something that I coined because I was trying to figure out how I was able to get over adversity. A lot of people say, “Here's my obstacle. Here's my problem. Here's why I'm stuck. Ho-hum is me.” I noticed that when I've faced an obstacle, after the initial annoyance I ask myself “How can I?” For example, I need to have a book in my clients’ hands in 90 days. (Go to part 1 for more info about this story.) How can I do this? I don't have enough info. How am I going to write this? I don't want to write this. How else could I write this book? I changed my approach from, “Oh, I have to write a book” to “I'm going to speak and teach the material that then gets transcribed into a book.” I started by making an outline. I put it into more of a program format. I then emailed my list and said, “Hey, I'm doing this program called Dynamic You, you're going to learn how to unleash your dynamic woman through the nine Pillars of being a dynamic woman. It's going to be a five-week course, who wants in? Here's the investment.” 25 women said they wanted to be in, which was really exciting! Now I had to have the content ready for them. Every time I tell the story, (you're getting the super basic version), people go, “Wow, I never thought of that.” But it was in one of those moments of feeling stuck, but knowing I could teach the content instead caused me to open up my thinking. Thank goodness, I had a team member and editor to support me in making this happen. Otherwise, I think it would have been too much. So for the questions, “What information do I need?” I looked at the pieces I didn't have the answers to.
I needed all of these questions answered. If your problem for feeling stuck is you don't have enough information, then you need to ask yourself,
If the problem is, “I don't know if it's the right decision?” well, how can you know if it's the right decision? Who can help you to get the answer? What can help you to know if it's the right decision? If you don't know if you have the right motivation, then, how can you know what's the right motivation? How can you figure that out? Who can help you to figure that out? If you don't have enough confidence, how can you build the confidence to do it? There have been some situations in my life where I was terrified, like calling one of my major coaches who makes multiple billions of dollars, and proposing a collaboration with him. I told people, I would do it so that I could actually make it happen. It comes down to what I mentioned earlier, “A deadline helps hold us accountable.” Put a deadline on things. But first, you have to figure out why you are stuck. Then ask, “How can I?” The questions of:
It's not just about sitting in the stuckness. It's about figuring out the solution to get out of the stuckness. It feels so heavy. It feels so hard like you are really stuck in the muck. With my health journey, I felt stuck in the muck. I actually felt hopeless. I thought, “I'm never going to be able to get myself out of this. I don't have the willpower. I know what I need to do. I just don't have the motivation to do it. I don't have the emotional bandwidth to do it. I don't want to figure it out. I need to be told what to do.” That’s why I put my money into it. I invested to make it happen. That might be what you need. One of my coaches, I joined her mastermind so that I could hear her extreme confidence and ego sometimes because I feel like I'm very heart-centered and I put people's feelings first and sometimes boundaries can get blurred. I was like, “Okay, how can I not do that anymore? How can I not have my heartstrings pulled so much that I bend too much for people?” I thought, “Who do I know who can help me with this?” It's just me being in the energy of this person. This person is like definitely like a no BS, her feelings are first, and her wants are first. I'm not going to go maybe that extreme, but it helps me to move forward. What the women in my community said “I do not have a lack of confidence or motivation. I really think I need someone to help me with the marketing piece.” ~ Sandra There you go. When I felt stuck in my business and I just wasn't moving on something, even though I knew “I could probably figure this out” or “I have a team and someone could do this”, I just didn't want to be the one to oversee it, so I invested. At one point, I invested five grand just to have someone build out a Facebook ad, a landing page, and an email sequence. I know how to do all of that. I've done all of those things and my team can do it. But for some reason, I just wasn't doing it. I just wanted someone to take me by the hand and lead me because at that time didn't have the mental capacity to handle another thing, and that's okay. If you feel like, “I'm just not doing it, I'm just not making it happen”, okay, how can you? Maybe you have someone who actually just does it for you or someone who holds your hand to do it. I know when I first learned Facebook ads, I hired someone. I took their course. I was learning how to do it. Then I thought, “Oh, no, I need more support.” Then I hired her and we did laser sessions so I can ask specific questions. I realized I was stuck because I was unsure if it was the right decision on each little thing. Is this the right audience? Is this how I click this button here? I wanted to be able to just run that by someone. Then I realized, I'm getting the information from her, but I just don't have the time to actually put it into place. Then I said to her, “Hey, I think I need to hire you to do this for me.” She laughed and said, “I was wondering when you’re going to ask for this type of help because I see how much you have going on.” My learning curve was so big, so it was quite a funny journey that I had to go on, I'm going to learn this, then I'm going to get some extra support, and eventually I'm just like, ‘You know what, you just do it.’ Now that I have my two VAs, I've been very blessed to be able to have them just do it.
Sometimes we're just in that decision fatigue. But I'll tell you when you're stuck, and you realize what is making you stuck or you have help to realize what's making you stuck, you can then get moving. But then you have to seal the deal by making a decision. I did this by saying:
As soon as you make a decision and take that first action, the joy of this part is it builds your confidence. The confidence causes you to act again and again and again. The truth is, you will probably get stuck again, but you just go back to these steps in order to move you forward. Why I wanted to write about this stuck topic I am seeing this in so many clients right now:
There is a lot of stuckness right now. I feel like we're not flipping out of feeling stuck because we've spiraled down and almost corkscrewed our way in so deep that it feels really heavy to come out of it. It feels hard like we have to dig ourselves out, and that feeling of, “I just don't know what to do” or “I just can't do it” or “Why am I not doing it digs us even deeper?” I wanted to be able to free more people from that stuck feeling. Let's look at more examples Here are more examples from the women in my community:
I agree. The world does feel stuck, especially with all the negativity, atrocities, and tragic events that are happening in the world. It feels really heavy.
I think it's more falling forward. You’re very welcome. I don’t want people to feel stuck.
First, just figure out what the stuckness is, and it's going to help you to move forward.
If you haven't reinvented in the past, look back and ask yourself what helped me last time to make this happen easily?
Probably hiring someone to help you with the marketing or let's go with the marketing strategy that you know, and that has worked for you in the past. Because maybe something like Facebook ads is too much of a big learning journey. Instead, going and speaking on a podcast would be helpful because you love to be in the zone helping others.
You are a thinker, so sit with it until you have a little clarity make a choice and take action and make a choice. Sometimes the action that you take can be with a little fine print that says, “I'm going to try this out for right now until it doesn't feel good anymore.”
Because you're probably focusing on it. Your attention is on it. When my knee was injured or if we get a diagnosis or something else is happening to us that is concerning, I get that it can be all-consuming. We need to consciously move away from it and put our focus and attention on something else. I went down a little bit of a rabbit hole when the whole Hamas tragedy on October 7 and I was focusing on it and focusing on it and looking at things and I had to pull myself out of it and I had to focus on the things that mattered most to me and the things that brought me joy.
Fill your life with the things that bring you joy when something else is feeling heavy so that you can start to pull yourself out. We might not be able to solve the stuckness or the problem, but what we can do is offset some of that. When we look at the Wheel of Life some areas might be low and we can't fix them. Maybe we can’t make your marriage any better right now because your partner is away for six months in another location. We can't see them so it's really hard right, and so we say, “It’s okay for now. I can't move that up. But can I focus on closeness with my friends right now, or with my other family?” We can look at the other areas to pull ourselves up. If you're stuck, don't keep yourself stuck in that place.
Okay, you want to get unstuck now. Good. Amazing. Wrapping Up To wrap up, here are some of the takeaways of the women in my community.
Yes. Because that is a loop. That is a hamster wheel that just continues on, but if you look for what is the exit out of that, that's most important.
Yeah. Sometimes that means turning things off. If you're stuck and there are things in your life that are causing more negativity, maybe there are certain people in your life, certain situations in your life, maybe you have to turn the volume down on those things a little bit. You can turn your attention away from them and instead, ask yourself what fills you up and then go do more of that. If what fills you up is crafting, hiking, or sitting around the campfire with friends, do more of the joyful stuff so that you can be in that place of feeling good, which will give you energy to be able to handle the places you feel stuck.
Take care of your energy though. As always, if you ever feel like I can support you to point out that thing that's right in front of you, or to help you work through things, it's not weak to get help. It is smart to get help. Even if you think, “I know what to do”, but you're not doing it, you're not implementing, you're not moving forward. Just like how I hired a coach for my health journey, and I hire coaches for different parts of my life, I would be, honored to serve you and work with you. I'll tell you this, too. I'm a strong, confident person. You probably have strong confident people in your life, and you could be one of them, too - A type, driven, successful. Check in on them. They could be stuck on something, and you would never know because they are suffering in silence. Because they're caring for everyone and everything in their lives. It is so appreciated when other people ask them:
Reach out to that person in your life that you've been feeling like you should reach out to, just say, “Hey, thinking about you. How are you doing?” I know it could make the world of a difference to them. P.S. Don’t miss out! Watch my next live in the Dynamic Women Global Community Facebook Group. I’ll be there answering your questions and talking about the topics that are most important to you. Read my other blogs:
Are you wanting to ditch the stuck feeling for good? I recently went live in my Dynamic Women Global Community on Facebook and interacted with some of the members and talked about this stuck feeling. It sucks terribly when you feel like you can't get out of the muck. Maybe you have felt like that or feel like that now. There's no right turn showing itself, but you want to make progress. Then why are you sabotaging yourself? I am going to share a little bit with you about what has worked for me to get into action and find the motivation to ditch the stuck feeling for good. This is a work in progress, and I'm not giving you a one-solution-fits-all approach. I'm going to go through some of the processes I use in order to be able to get unstuck. I've had times when I've been crazy stuck for months or even years. Then I've had other times where I'm just stuck for 10 minutes. This process can be used in any of these situations, in any length of time, and in any area of life. A little backstory I host the Dynamic Women Global Community. I started the community back in 2013 to meet my need for not just surface-level networking but for a deeper connection with other women in business. I noticed that some of my clients were being looked over for their profession because other people were treating them like a sale or as less than. So I knew I wanted to create a space for women to come together and be respected. I also started this because when you’re older, it’s harder to make new friends. If you try to form a friendship with people in business by inviting them for coffee, you can seem too forward or that you want to sell to them, and it's uncomfortable. We started as a live event community. I was running it in eight different cities, so eight different locations and eight different events every single month. Now because of COVID and a bunch of other reasons, we are online. What is it to feel stuck How you know when you're stuck? If we are trying to go and do something or if we're trying to make something happen in our business or our lives, maybe it's a big goal we've had like:
…whatever it may be, you could feel that, “I'm not moving forward”, and it's horrible, and the longer you stay in that feeling of not moving forward, it’s going to start to completely erode your confidence. It's going to have you doubt yourself more. Limiting beliefs are going to come in. You have to switch yourself out of feeling stuck. You HAVE to before you get stuck there. I'm going to give you a one-size-fits-all in one regard, but it has to be customized to you. As a certified life coach and the asker of powerful questions, I'll ask you questions today as well. But if you still feel like this is not enough, I really encourage you to reach out to me by sending me an email at [email protected]. For me, I can't get unstuck a lot of times by myself, even though I'm using my own practices that I use on my clients because it's in the conversation with someone else, especially a trained professional which helps you move forward. You're feeling stuck. You're not making progress. You're not moving forward. You may feel like the right solution isn't presenting itself, or “I don't know what the next step is.” Or you might be asking yourself, “Why am I sabotaging myself? Why am I not moving forward? Why am I not doing the things I know I need to do?” In my previous blogs, I've talked about how it took me forever to be able to start my health journey. Now, in my case, I didn't have the right motivation. Maybe you're also stuck because you don't have the right motivation. When I was younger, the motivation was, “I am going to get healthy, so I look good.” Honestly, I kind of care about looking good. It wasn't happening for that reason. Am I motivated to lose weight because it's important to my health? I knew that that was true, but didn’t motivate me. I want to get healthier and lose weight so that I can fit into my clothes. Well, I wanted that, but I just kept buying bigger clothes. I was looking for the right motivation to get unstuck. Even seeing photos of myself wasn't the piece that pushed me. When I looked at photos, and I surprisingly said, “Oh my goodness. I don't know I looked like that,” that still wasn't the right motivation. I was stuck in all of these places because I hadn't done enough deep work to figure out what my motivation was. Now the universe gave it to me by injuring my knee and then talking to an orthopedic surgeon about my knee. The only thing that we could do is strengthen around the knee and lose weight.
Ask yourself right now. For what you're wanting, what is your motivation for going there? Maybe you haven't found the right motivation. Ask yourself, what is your WHY for this thing you're wanting?
When we tap into that deeper why, that creates the motivation that gets us into action. Finding the reason why you’re stuck Here are some reasons for feeling stuck which were shared by the women in my community:
Let me go into the reason why you're stuck. The one thing I do is I ask myself, “What am I stuck on? What is causing me to be stuck here?” I'm going to give an example of writing my very first book Dynamic You, which is the nine pillars of a dynamic woman. Why was I stuck on it? I was just not writing it. Here are some questions to find out WHY you are stuck: #1: “Am I stuck because I don't have enough information?” Meaning, maybe I don't know how to write a book, or I don't know what I'm going to write about. I don't know if I should self-publish. I don't know if I should go through a publishing company. I don't have enough information to move on this. When I look at Lilian's “feeling stuck on launching something new”, so this is maybe a new program or a new offering. She could ask herself, “Do I have enough information to know how to launch it, to know what I'm launching, to know the best marketing strategy for doing it, to know if my audience will actually buy it? Is there some information I need there?” Lisa says that she feels stuck about reinventing herself. Again, is there not enough information on what the next steps could be or how to get the clarity? #2: “Is this the right decision?” The next thing to ask yourself is, “Is this the right decision?” With Paula’s example about reimagining what she’s going to do for her dissertation, so she went one route and thought, “This doesn't feel like the right decision”, so now she's going a different route, and needs to ask herself, “Is this the right decision?” We can feel stuck because the right decision hasn't presented itself yet. I'll tell you, I’ve experienced being in that place of stuckness for years. Every time I thought I gained some traction, I'd have life hit me with something major, which caused me to have to pause:
Just check in with yourself and ask yourself, “Is this the right decision that I'm making?” Like for Paula, “I'm going to do my dissertation on this topic. Is this the right decision?” If you're 80% there, you just have to choose the first small step. If you are really doubting it, the only way you're going to know is to take the next step or to take a further step back. Either way, get some support to talk it through so that you can see all options because maybe your blinders are on or to have someone else say what they see in you. Because like the Les Brown quote, “When you're in the frame, you can't see the picture.” Many times I have been wondering, “I don't know what the answer is. I'm looking for it. I can't find it. What is it?” A coach has said to me, “Isn't it this? Isn't it this thing right in front of you?” and I've replied, “Ah, you're right. It totally is.” Having someone else say that to me has been so helpful. You either don't have enough information or you don't know if it's the right decision. #3: Do I have enough confidence? The next reason why you may be stuck is that you don't have enough confidence. “Well, I don't know if I can market myself to clients because I don't know if I'm good at it enough.” Or it might be, “I'm feeling not so confident in what I'm offering.” Check in with how much confidence is there and maybe where it's lacking, you might need to have a little bolster or a little boost. #4: Are there people disagreeing? The fourth thing might be that other people are disagreeing. Lisa said, “Each time I think I find a rhythm life throws me another in a different direction, time availability, availability changes, and I have to rethink things. Makes me feel stuck thinking about reinventing again.” Maybe as she even reinvents herself, she has someone else say, “Are you sure about that?” It's really funny because even though I have already lost 40 pounds, there are still other people who are trying to tell me what I should do:
I think, “Wait a second, I've done this for six months. I've followed a coach, her plan and I'm getting crazy good results.” People are trying to get me stuck again. Now thankfully, I have enough traction and progress that other people disagreeing or giving me other ideas doesn’t phase me. I'm just like, “Whatever, not interested.” Check in on these 4 areas to see, What makes you stuck? Even just looking at what Sandra has said, she’s stuck getting clients and marketing to get more clients. I feel like that could be a confidence thing. That can also be a not enough information to know if you're doing the right steps. Maybe you don't have a plan. But she then said, “I'm happiest when I'm in the zone and helping others.” Yeah, you're in your zone of genius when you're doing the stuff you’re good at. It might be time to hire out the rest. The thing about being a business owner is we have all of these other positions we have to hold to have the business run. I love doing my videos, and recording my podcast. I love speaking to you. I love sharing this. This is my zone of genius. Me sitting behind a computer and writing a book, not what I want to be doing. That’s why my blogs comes from my videos and podcasts. (I edit the transcript that my VA has formatted for me.) Why I felt stuck writing a book I'm going to talk through my example of writing a book and how I felt stuck. I already gave the example of my health journey, and how I was stuck for a long time, and how I eventually got the right motivation. I was stuck writing a book. Why? Because my perception of writing a book was I need to sit behind a computer, and I need to type by myself and write. I did not have enough information. I didn't know there were other ways to do a book. Am I making the right decision? I knew I was making the right decision to write a book. I didn't fully have the right motivation either. Did I have enough confidence writing a book? Not really because I don't feel like I'm an amazing writer. I don't enjoy writing. It's funny because spelling was my worst skill, yet I majored in English at university as one of my majors. (I did a double major.) Then other people were saying I needed to write the book, and a lot of people were telling me that writing a book is really hard. It's not. You just need the right strategy in place. I didn't know the strategies to write a book. I didn't know the ease of writing a book. Do you know what eventually unstuck me? A deadline. I needed a deadline. Sometimes that's just the way to get you unstuck is just to make a fricking deadline for it. My deadline was kind of imposed on me. I was speaking on the phone with the organizers at a women's conference in Washington State that wanted to bring me down to open and close a big conference for women. I was jazzed. They're going to pay me my full fee, fly me in, and cover a couple nights at a hotel, all this amazing stuff. Then I realized at the time, I didn't have a visa to work in the States. I wasn't allowed really to go and speak. There was a chance I could get turned away at the border. In the last second, I said, “Okay, well, actually, I have a different idea. How about we do this where you buy enough copies of my book for everyone in the audience and we’ll have that Oprah moment, ‘You get a book, you get a book, and you get a book’. Then I'll come in and speak for free.” They were floored, “Oh, my gosh, that's so generous of you. Are you sure? We can pay your fee and buy the books.” I'm like, “No, no, no, let me do this for you.” They said, “Give us the link, and we'll go and buy them today.” I said, “Oh, I'm just re-editing it. I'll let you know when the link is live.” I hung up the phone, called my friend and said, “Well, I guess I have to write my book now.” There's a bigger, bigger version of that story, but that's the quick version. I'm telling you this because the deadline forced me to write the book. For Lilian who's feeling stuck on launching something new, you just got to put it out there and put a date on when it's happening. As soon as somebody puts money out for it, then you got to do it. In my case, I knew I had to have the book at that hotel for that big event in just 90 days. The first time I saw the book was when I opened the box in my hotel room the night before I spoke. It was exciting! For my next approach - the “How Can I” approach. I will talk about it in my next blog, so stay tuned! P.S. Have you joined the Dynamic Women Global Community? It’s a free online community for female business leaders to come together to connect, share, grow, and be inspired! Read my other blogs here:
Are you afraid or hesitant to step out of hiding and be more visible in your life? I had the courage to stop hiding. I feel called to come and talk about how I got the courage to stop hiding. How I've been able to then reach the goal of really showing up fully as I am. It's a constant battle, I'll tell you that. I'm not always going to be able to show up fully. Sometimes, I have to muster new courage to be able to do it. Why you should care about this Why is this important? Well, not being visible is stopping you from achieving your goals. Not being visible means that you're inhibiting yourself from fully living the life that you want to live. Whether that's you hiding as a person or hiding in your business, or not being visible to the world, maybe in your relationships or in your community, it's holding you back. I know because I've been held back, and it feels crappy in these moments. But somehow through a few different ways I'll share with you, I was able to persevere. I want to share with you how I got the courage to stop hiding. What makes me want to share about this? It's because I keep meeting A-type, driven, and successful women who say things like:
You've heard of “tall poppy syndrome” or “crabs in a bucket”. Basically, the idea that when you stand out, people are going to take you down. Just look at the hate online from trolls. The cowards behind their computer screens, typing away and saying such hurtful things. My experiences Well, since I was a kid, I've been very blessed. God blessed me with skills, the ability to learn easily at school, the athleticism to play sports, and the confidence to be able to do things like public speaking and be the captain or the president of different groups. I know that I was given some innate skills, but I also worked my butt off to achieve by doing these things.
I did all of these things to be better, which then meant that I wasn't able to hang out with the other kids at lunchtime because I had a meeting or I was catching up on some work because I knew I had sports after school or clubs or something. That meant in high school, I felt left out. On the weekends, there would be parties and events happening. This was before the day of the cell phone, and so I'd sit at home on a Friday or Saturday night waiting for the phone to ring, and the phone wouldn’t ring, and I'd call people and they'd have already left to go out for the night. On a Monday, people would say, “Where were you?” Everyone thought that everyone else was inviting me out. Now, that a sad, unfortunate thing. It's not that I was bullied. But yet, I felt left out. I was called a “brown noser”. People told my friends, “Oh yeah, she's just a perfectionist and teacher's pet and all that.” But my friends really knew me. Thankfully, they spoke up for me. Then when I was invited to go and play for a boys’ soccer team, they did not accept me. When I was playing indoor with boys, and I would take the ball away from them, they would cuss me out and use very inappropriate sexual words towards me, and I've spoken about these in other blogs and podcast episodes. I'm just going through a list of these and maybe you've had some of these experiences. In high school, when I was running for student council president, there was a guy who was also running for it. He wasn't a part of anything in school, he just wanted the title. He made up lies about me which split the graduating class’ votes and forced a lot of the school to have to choose to follow him or me. Then I thought, when I won, it would go away. Nope, it just got worse. I was basically slandered in school. In my business, I've been wrongfully slandered. One of her connections told me, “She does this to people when she’s jealous of their success.” I know it was slander because the lawyer told me it was. I just chose not to put negative energy back into it. It’s sad these things happen. It could be happening to you, too! While you may not have had these specific cases, you may have felt like,
This happens over and over again and repeatedly in moments where we don't want to speak up and we don't want to be fully ourselves and we stay hiding because it's just easier. Then we throw COVID into the mix. Well, that's hard to step out of. I totally get it if you're flying under the radar. I get why you don't want to be visible. I get why you're hiding. But we don't want to be in hiding anymore. I must keep checking myself,
Am I worried about things?
That's not even counting in the possibility of, what if this doesn't work? What if it does? I when I deliver a keynote, and women come up to me with tears in their eyes, and they say, “Oh my gosh, I felt like you were speaking directly to me. Thank you for sharing that story. Thank you for pointing out these things. I could see the emotion on you, and boy, did it change me.” And when I read comments, thank you cards, or emails that have been sent to me, and they say things like, “Diane, you've changed my life. Your program is the thing that gave me confidence. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be where I am today.” When I'm coaching someone, and they tell me, “Diane, last week when this situation happened, I heard your voice. I heard your voice in my head. It gave me the clarity of what I had to do based on what I remember you saying.” I know these moments are life changing for my clients. This is why I am not hiding. This is why I'm visible. These moments are possible when you're stepping up, you're stepping out, you're visible, and you're doing the amazing work you're doing. Or you're not getting this response, and you're missing out on it because you're hiding. It's important that we are visible. It's important that we are visible as our unique selves. How did I get the courage to stop hiding? Because I look at the thank-you cards. I read what they say. I look at the faces of the women at my events. I know they are way more important than the crap I could face from others. Shining You have to be visible. Now to which degree are you visible? That's up to you. This is one of the pillars in the Dynamic You Program is around shining. I'm not going to go fully into it. But the first stage of shining is hiding. You're not visible at all. You're not out there. People don't know you. People don't know what's going on. Maybe based on the past few years with what's going on in your life, you are hiding. But it's hurting you because it's like the little spark has been distinguished. I've had moments where my spark has been a full-on flame. I've had other times when it’s at risk of being blown out or it already is. It's important you get to put yourself out there in a way that feels safe. You have permission to do that. I have had many opportunities that have put me out there. Things like being on podcasts, speaking on summits, being in collaborative books, and being interviewed. I was just interviewed by Jack Canfield a few weeks ago and I held a watch party for it! (If you want to watch the replay, email my team at [email protected].) It's important to put yourself out there in a way that feels safe. Maybe you're not a, “I'm going to get on stage with 20,000 people” sort of be out there. That's okay, and you're not going to be the mayor of your city. That's okay. You're maybe not going to start your own podcast, and that's okay. Standing out for positive things is really what I mean. Which positive things? Whatever you're passionate about, whatever you're an expert in. They’re the positive things, right? I don't want you to stand out because you did something bad or because you're a bully. Stand out for the things that your clients, your customers, your family, and your friends have grown to love about you. If you're standing out because you have blue hair, and you crack really great jokes, or you stand out because you make a mean apple pie, wonderful. Stand out for positive things. Wrapping Up I hope you take what I've said and see how you can have the courage to stop hiding and know that it's a process. I go into hiding sometimes. I come back out. I go into hiding, I come back out. The key thing is going into hiding should just be to preserve your energy, so you can come out and SHINE again! P.S. Grab the Dynamic You Book to learn more about the different pillars. Then stay tuned for the Dynamic You Program! If you'd like to know when the next program is coming out where I lead you through the nine pillars of being a dynamic woman, where shining is one of them, then please email [email protected]. Read my other blogs:
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