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Are you afraid or hesitant to step out of hiding and be more visible in your life?  I had the courage to stop hiding. I feel called to come and talk about how I got the courage to stop hiding. How I've been able to then reach the goal of really showing up fully as I am. It's a constant battle, I'll tell you that. I'm not always going to be able to show up fully. Sometimes, I have to muster new courage to be able to do it. Why you should care about this Why is this important? Well, not being visible is stopping you from achieving your goals. Not being visible means that you're inhibiting yourself from fully living the life that you want to live. Whether that's you hiding as a person or hiding in your business, or not being visible to the world, maybe in your relationships or in your community, it's holding you back. I know because I've been held back, and it feels crappy in these moments. But somehow through a few different ways I'll share with you, I was able to persevere. I want to share with you how I got the courage to stop hiding. What makes me want to share about this? It's because I keep meeting A-type, driven, and successful women who say things like:
You've heard of “tall poppy syndrome” or “crabs in a bucket”. Basically, the idea that when you stand out, people are going to take you down. Just look at the hate online from trolls. The cowards behind their computer screens, typing away and saying such hurtful things. My experiences Well, since I was a kid, I've been very blessed. God blessed me with skills, the ability to learn easily at school, the athleticism to play sports, and the confidence to be able to do things like public speaking and be the captain or the president of different groups. I know that I was given some innate skills, but I also worked my butt off to achieve by doing these things.
I did all of these things to be better, which then meant that I wasn't able to hang out with the other kids at lunchtime because I had a meeting or I was catching up on some work because I knew I had sports after school or clubs or something. That meant in high school, I felt left out. On the weekends, there would be parties and events happening. This was before the day of the cell phone, and so I'd sit at home on a Friday or Saturday night waiting for the phone to ring, and the phone wouldn’t ring, and I'd call people and they'd have already left to go out for the night. On a Monday, people would say, “Where were you?” Everyone thought that everyone else was inviting me out. Now, that a sad, unfortunate thing. It's not that I was bullied. But yet, I felt left out. I was called a “brown noser”. People told my friends, “Oh yeah, she's just a perfectionist and teacher's pet and all that.” But my friends really knew me. Thankfully, they spoke up for me. Then when I was invited to go and play for a boys’ soccer team, they did not accept me. When I was playing indoor with boys, and I would take the ball away from them, they would cuss me out and use very inappropriate sexual words towards me, and I've spoken about these in other blogs and podcast episodes. I'm just going through a list of these and maybe you've had some of these experiences. In high school, when I was running for student council president, there was a guy who was also running for it. He wasn't a part of anything in school, he just wanted the title. He made up lies about me which split the graduating class’ votes and forced a lot of the school to have to choose to follow him or me. Then I thought, when I won, it would go away. Nope, it just got worse. I was basically slandered in school. In my business, I've been wrongfully slandered. One of her connections told me, “She does this to people when she’s jealous of their success.” I know it was slander because the lawyer told me it was. I just chose not to put negative energy back into it. It’s sad these things happen. It could be happening to you, too! While you may not have had these specific cases, you may have felt like,
 This happens over and over again and repeatedly in moments where we don't want to speak up and we don't want to be fully ourselves and we stay hiding because it's just easier. Then we throw COVID into the mix. Well, that's hard to step out of. I totally get it if you're flying under the radar. I get why you don't want to be visible. I get why you're hiding. But we don't want to be in hiding anymore. I must keep checking myself,
Am I worried about things?
That's not even counting in the possibility of, what if this doesn't work? What if it does? I when I deliver a keynote, and women come up to me with tears in their eyes, and they say, “Oh my gosh, I felt like you were speaking directly to me. Thank you for sharing that story. Thank you for pointing out these things. I could see the emotion on you, and boy, did it change me.” And when I read comments, thank you cards, or emails that have been sent to me, and they say things like, “Diane, you've changed my life. Your program is the thing that gave me confidence. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be where I am today.” When I'm coaching someone, and they tell me, “Diane, last week when this situation happened, I heard your voice. I heard your voice in my head. It gave me the clarity of what I had to do based on what I remember you saying.” I know these moments are life changing for my clients. This is why I am not hiding. This is why I'm visible. These moments are possible when you're stepping up, you're stepping out, you're visible, and you're doing the amazing work you're doing. Or you're not getting this response, and you're missing out on it because you're hiding. It's important that we are visible. It's important that we are visible as our unique selves. How did I get the courage to stop hiding? Because I look at the thank-you cards. I read what they say. I look at the faces of the women at my events. I know they are way more important than the crap I could face from others. Shining You have to be visible. Now to which degree are you visible? That's up to you. This is one of the pillars in the Dynamic You Program is around shining. I'm not going to go fully into it. But the first stage of shining is hiding. You're not visible at all. You're not out there. People don't know you. People don't know what's going on. Maybe based on the past few years with what's going on in your life, you are hiding. But it's hurting you because it's like the little spark has been distinguished. I've had moments where my spark has been a full-on flame. I've had other times when it’s at risk of being blown out or it already is. It's important you get to put yourself out there in a way that feels safe. You have permission to do that. I have had many opportunities that have put me out there. Things like being on podcasts, speaking on summits, being in collaborative books, and being interviewed. I was just interviewed by Jack Canfield a few weeks ago and I held a watch party for it! (If you want to watch the replay, email my team at [email protected].) It's important to put yourself out there in a way that feels safe. Maybe you're not a, “I'm going to get on stage with 20,000 people” sort of be out there. That's okay, and you're not going to be the mayor of your city. That's okay. You're maybe not going to start your own podcast, and that's okay.  Standing out for positive things is really what I mean. Which positive things? Whatever you're passionate about, whatever you're an expert in. They’re the positive things, right? I don't want you to stand out because you did something bad or because you're a bully. Stand out for the things that your clients, your customers, your family, and your friends have grown to love about you. If you're standing out because you have blue hair, and you crack really great jokes, or you stand out because you make a mean apple pie, wonderful. Stand out for positive things. Wrapping Up I hope you take what I've said and see how you can have the courage to stop hiding and know that it's a process. I go into hiding sometimes. I come back out. I go into hiding, I come back out. The key thing is going into hiding should just be to preserve your energy, so you can come out and SHINE again! P.S. Grab the Dynamic You Book to learn more about the different pillars. Then stay tuned for the Dynamic You Program! If you'd like to know when the next program is coming out where I lead you through the nine pillars of being a dynamic woman, where shining is one of them, then please email [email protected]. Read my other blogs:
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My goal with this series is to give you clarity before you have to make decisions (last week’s blog), make decision-making easier in the moment (this blog), and after you make the decision you will stay strong and confident in it (next week).  In the Moment of Making a Decision When you are in that moment of decision-making, you’re probably asking yourself…
I've got you covered with these three questions. Even if you haven't done the “In advance” work from the last blog of having that ideal life designed, your life purpose and knowing your goals, you can still use these three techniques. 1. How do you feel? If someone asks you…
Or you have to make a decision on whether to apply for a certain job… you have to ask yourself…
It's either going to be a strong, “Yes” or “meh”. A lot of times if it's a strong “Yes”, I say go for it. This is definitely in alignment with what you're wanting. But if you get an email, and you're like, “Man, I don't know…” A lot of times that “meh feeling” means you're not really excited about it, so your decision is probably a no. Now, this is not to be confused with that feeling of “Oh my gosh, I'm so nervous. I don't think I can do this. That's out of my comfort zone.” That's a very different feeling. That's like anxiety, worry or a little fear about “Can I do this?” Which is based on your limiting beliefs. Not every decision is a clear “yes” or “no”. Instead, there could be two or more options. It could be a fun decision, for example, “Should we go to Bali or Egypt for our trip?” Or something more permanent, it could be, “Do I want to have another child or not? We've got a couple of children, and our life is really in a good place, but now's the time to make a decision if we have another one”. It might be a decision of, “Do we move to this new place because we can have a slower lifestyle or do we stay here because this is where the work is?” You might have two options that are really good, but it's going to change your life. So this is where we go to the next two techniques. 2. Connecting to your values This is an activity you would do with a coach. It’s one I take clients through and they get a lot of insight from it. Knowing what your values are and being able to connect to your values in decision-making is so powerful. Because when you look at your values and you ask yourself, “Does this decision put me in alignment with my values?” and that's the case, then you're going to have more energy or a more soul-connected feeling that it’s the right decision.  But if you look at your values and that decision is going to have you dishonor your values, then it's going to be pretty obvious that the decision is a no. Let's look at one of the decisions that you could make in life. It could be to take on a project or take on a new role in a company. After some further discussion, you realize the company cares more about the bottom line than it does its customers. You've heard and read on the internet about times where the company has really screwed over the customer or client in order to take more profit. If your value is respect for others or fairness, then you see that in working with this company (especially if that would be part of your role) would mean you would strongly be going against your values. That would be so horrible. You'd be in dissonance (void of energy, or negative)most of your job. It's easy in that case to see “Wow, I don't want to take this role because it would be going against my values.” This can also help you in choosing a relationship like a partnership, employee, collaboration, etc. When you look at your values and their values, you have to make sure they're in alignment. Because you saying “Yes” to an opportunity, might stop you from being able to honor your own values. If you are very strong in your values with leadership or creativity and you know that in this new project you're not going to be able to do either of those then it might be better to say no. If it’s short-term, you could be OK with it, but if it’s going to go on for years, then it’s not going to be a good fit for you. 3. Take the decision and cross-check it with your goals You can ask yourself a very simple question: Does this move me toward my goals or away from my goals? I've had clients come to me with a really amazing opportunity. For example, to have a radio show. If they came to me with that type of opportunity, then I'd ask them…
If the answer is “Yes” and you gave a reason like…
 Then it could be a great opportunity for you. But if your goal this year is to write a book, or to spend more time with your family, or focus on your health, and this was just going to be one more thing on your plate, then it's not going to move you towards your goals so it should be a no. Next year, it might be a great choice because your goals have changed. But for right now you have to check any decision-making against your current goals. I often have to go back to my goals when I'm presented with a fabulous opportunity or one that I feel like, “Oh, I've got some obligation here. I should probably do it.” When I go to my goals and I know what I'm trying to accomplish and the amount of time energy and money I need to do it, it helps me to respond with, “As amazing as it is, I have to say ‘No’ because I need to say ‘Yes’ to my current goals.” Those are the three things that you can do in the moment of making decisions. In my next blog, I will share with you what you can do AFTER you make the decision so you can stay strong and confident in it. P.S. Get your FREE copy of my ebook “Key 2 Success” so you can stop facing 3 dangerous trends that keep professional women overworked, overwhelmed, and pulled in a million directions.
Are you focusing on the right things to bring you fulfillment and happiness? We’re in the fifth month of 2022. Time has really flown so fast! How has it been for you? Good? Rushed? Hard? Let me share with you FIVE steps that will help make the rest of your 2022 happy and successful. These are the same steps that I share with my clients and I also follow in my own life. These are what have worked for me and I see working for female business leaders.  What will actually make you happy in 2022? Did what you did in 2021 make you happy, feel fulfilled, and satisfied? This is a decision that you need to make for yourself. What I often see happening is that people are choosing what society is marketing to them. What are the things you feel society is marketing to you that will make you successful?
With my clients, we look at all 10 areas of life. This is something you can do, too. By doing this, we can really start to figure out what it is that YOU want? It's not what everyone else is forcing you to like. We have a choice. But the sad thing is, so many people just go with the flow. So many people don't put an actual intention into… “What do I want for 2022?” Maybe they pick a resolution. Maybe they pick some outrageous goal. That's great! However, it's not going to bring you fulfillment. I've worked with a client who with two other people built and sold a company for $75 million. His cut was $25 million. He was not satisfied. He was not happy at the end of that time. It's sad. He could have bought anything. He could have had anything, but the true contentment and fulfillment, he couldn't buy. The sad thing is he didn't know what he needed. 5-Step Process This is the five-step process that I take my clients through that can really help you to know that for the rest of 2022, you're going to be focused on the things that will make you happy and feel content. Step 1: Evaluate where you've been It’s an evaluation of:
Most of the time, the mistake is that people only focus on the TOP milestones or achievements rather than looking really deep into:
 The other mistake is not looking at both sides, the being and the doing, because if we only look at the doing (only the achievements and outward success), and not who we’re being then we miss the shifts in mindset, perspectives, and habits. Acknowledging that will help you to be more successful in 2022. Step 2: Have clarity on all 10 areas of life. Many times people just set goals in life and business. But the thing is, business/work/career is only one of 10 areas. So if you're trying to balance work and life, life is always going to be heavier, but we so often put more time, energy, money, stress and focus on the work area. You need to have clarity on what you want in all areas of life. Not just what you want, but what's ideal. If you do this process by yourself, you will succumb to limiting beliefs to saboteurs. You need to have someone go through this process with you so you get clarity on what you actually want in a way that's ideal, rather than just a way that's:
Step 3: Start creating a plan Once you've evaluated where you've come from and you've taken the golden nuggets from that, and you have clarity on what you want in all 10 areas, the next piece is to start creating a plan.
Also, what I love to do with my clients is to look at which goals are dynamic goals, meaning you focus on one goal, and it helps your other goals to happen as well. Why do we do that? Less stress, less energy, and less money needed. You can have many goals happen at the same time. Step 4: You need to get into action How is getting into action helping you to actually be happy in 2022? Because when we are in action on our plan, our goals, our desires, whose agenda are we fulfilling? OUR own agenda. YOUR agenda. The problem is you're probably a very kind, generous, giving person who likes helping others. If you are not in action on your own plan, guess whose plan ends up in your calendar? Guess whose goals end up in your schedule book? Guess whose tasks end up being done by you? Other people’s! Plus perfectionism, procrastination, saboteurs, they all come in. They can all stop you. Part of step four is helping you to break down your goals into bite-sized pieces that are super easy for you to 150% attain. If you know no matter what, you're going to be able to achieve these things, it's going to be so much easier and so much more beneficial to you being happy and reaching your success in 2022. Step 5: Accountability This is the one that people forget. This is the one that people don't put into place and this is why women come to me and say, “I'm just not achieving my goal.” Or I meet people and year after year after year, they have the same exact goal they're just not reaching.  It’s not just simple accountability, like telling your friend you’re committing to do something. It’s being accountable to someone who's actually willing…
How will these steps actually make you happy? Because when you're focused on the things you want to do, you have accountability for it, and you have someone cheering you on, you're more likely to achieve your goals. That's my five-step process to get you happier in 2022 because you're actually going to be going after the goals that YOU want. You're going to be achieving things you internally desire, and not in just a realistic way, but in an ideal way, in that bigger way of what you want things to be like. Please, please, please, please. Don't just let 2022 roll on because no matter what, time will go by. No matter what, you will be influenced by society and by others. Please do these five steps to be able to focus on what makes you the happiest and helps you to be able to move forward. If you want to learn more about how to do this faster and easier together, schedule an initial consultation with me here.
In my last blog, I talked about how you’ll know if your mental health is suffering. Now, I’m going to share three main things you can do when you know your mental health is suffering. Number 1: Prioritize Yourself Prioritizing yourself is the first of nine Pillars of being a Dynamic Woman from my program Dynamic You. It’s the first because it’s crucial you do this before you do any of the other pillars. There's no point in pushing yourself in your career, business, or connecting with others if this first pillar isn't in place. You have to prioritize yourself especially if you're in a space of not feeling like yourself or feeling like you can’t handle the world. It can be self-care with journaling, meditating, praying, exercising, going into nature, showering, massages, sleep, and quiet time.  It’s crucial to unplug and have times of no stimulus: this means no phone, no TV, no social media, no people, and spending a bit more time by yourself. This way you don't have these external factors making you feel bad and stressing you out. Also part of self-care and prioritizing yourself is seeing a doctor. This is one thing that I find has been so influential in my clients’ and my own development. I personally prefer a naturopath to be able to run my blood work and see chemically and hormonally how I'm doing. For instance, we can have low iron which can make you really tired and you can't function and deal with life when you have a mineral deficiency. Again, you need to go to a doctor to figure this out. I was speaking with a client about how it’s not fair to expect yourself to be running on full cylinders, like a car, if you don't have enough gas in the tank or if you have the wrong gas. Imagine you put diesel in a gas engine, you're not going to do very well. As soon as you can figure out if you’re off hormonally, chemically, or minerally, then you can put a plan in place to get better. It could mean you take supplements or medicine. It might mean you have to change your diet and cut out sugar, alcohol, wheat, dairy, caffeine, and other things that can cause inflammation, brain fog, irritability, and spikes in your day. Number 2: Get Support There are two main pieces to support. You can get support through paid professionals like counselors, coaches, psychologists, psychiatrists, and many more. That's the clinical piece and the other piece is support from those around you. It's great that you talk to someone professionally, but you also need to have those around you, family, friends, and connections who see you all the time to know what's going on. It's about getting support from others and designing how your relationship will now be. You and your circle can collaborate to improve your health and your mental well-being.  If you have the Dynamic You book or if you have the program, you can go into the Collaborate Pillar and look at designing and redesigning relationships so that you can redesign how things are. To give you an example of this, I’ll share about when my Dad was in palliative care and then when he passed. It was such a sad and confusing time and it was stressful caring for my kids. I could do it, but it was overwhelming because my husband was still in BC and I was in Ontario. I did some designing with my in-laws, having them take the kids and allowing myself space to sort out things, support my Mom and be in my grief. I also talked with friends and let them know, “I don’t feel like hanging out or even chatting on the phone, but text is ok.” They understood and were thankful that I shared this with them so they knew how to best support me. I also said to my husband, “Hey, I am not myself right now. I need your support and help.” We discussed how he needed to do more around the house, take the kids out more and not expect a lot from me. You have permission to ask for help. You have permission to get the support that you need, especially from those around you. A lot of the high-achieving leaders that I work with are probably doing 80% of the work in a relationship. It is okay to take it back to 50% or to even get the other person to put in 80% and you recharge for a bit. Number 3: Go into Maintenance Mode The last action is a concept that I came up with in the past decade working with my clients who needed it. Many people have asked me, “You have so much going on, how do you juggle everything?” The key thing for me is I don't always do everything. I can’t. I delegate well to my team, and most importantly when life is crazy I go into maintenance mode. I focus on my priorities. When life gets hard, there are too many balls to juggle. You need to take a quick look at what you're juggling, and ask yourself, which are glass balls and which are rubber balls.  Here are some examples of glass balls you can’t drop and come up with some of your own as well:
These are the glass balls. These are the things you can’t drop or they’ll break. Then what does it mean for the rubber balls? You can let them go and they just bounce. No harm done. This allows you to go into “maintenance mode”. Maintenance mode is an amazing opportunity for you to drop the rubber balls and only focus on the glass ones, and let everything else slide from your plate or delegate it if it's important. Finally, after a summer of the kids being off, it was the 1st day back to school for my daughter, but my son jumped off our bed and broke his femur. Imagine, you have a two and a half year old, who is now at home with you with almost a full-body cast on. You need to be there to get everything for him. You need to bathe him in the big cast. You actually need to change diapers in this contraption as well. It was really hard for me. I was used to dropping him off at daycare, dropping my daughter off at school, and then I'd have time to work my business. All of a sudden, I'm dropping balls left, right, and center and they were glass ones too! What did I decide to do? I asked for support, but mainly I focused on my priorities: my clients and my son. Then what were the rubber balls I let bounce? My house got a bit messier. I was a little bit more lax in what I ate and said yes to support with a meal train, which was such a blessing. I think I cried when each person came to the door to give me a meal, not because I was getting a meal but because of the love I felt from them. In maintenance mode, my husband and I also didn’t have date nights, so we could care for our son. I put my personal development on the back burner, but I kept my self-care up because it was a stressful time and I needed it. Maintenance mode is meant for a short period of time. This is not for all year. This might be a few weeks where you have a major project, you're moving, there is a death in the family, someone's having surgery, there's something major happening, and rather than completely losing all control, you let the rubber balls fall (the areas of life that don't matter as much) so that you can focus on the priorities and delegate the other pieces out. So what will you do when your mental health is suffering? You can bring in one of these actions: make yourself a priority, get support from professionals and your circle, and go into maintenance mode.  So what will you do when your mental health is suffering? You can bring in one of these actions: make yourself a priority, get support from professionals and your circle, and go into maintenance mode. Mental health can be a challenge. It is debilitating for so many people, and it can happen to the most successful high achieving, intelligent, put-together people. I encourage you today, don't worry about being vulnerable. Don't worry about looking bad. It’s ok to share that you have anxiety or stress or you’re not feeling good about something. It can only get better when you talk with others you trust. If you have any questions, please reach out to me. Maybe it's time we had a session. We can coach on a topic of your choice. Just email me at [email protected] to set one up. I'm also offering 6 complimentary audits for either, “What do you need to be more balanced in life?” and “What do you need to be a more valuable leader?” By the end of our time together, you're going to have a checklist that tells you exactly what you need to do in order to be more balanced in life or be a more valuable leader if that's what is more of a priority for you. If you’d like one, email my team at [email protected]. Read my other blogs here:
1. Stop Dropping the Balls and Instead Find Balance 2. Stop Juggling everything! Tips to help you avoid overwhelm 3. The Power of Baby Steps Have you ever asked yourself the following questions…
These are questions I received from a client.  Maybe this is a topic that you don’t think you need to listen to. But I'll tell you, it definitely will help you, especially if you have people around you that are suffering. How do I know when my mental health is suffering? The answer is: YOU KNOW. You just know. If you're asking the question, you know. Here are some clues that your mental health is suffering that I see from my clients:
Those have a lot to do with your mood and personality. Another has to do with food. You're reaching for junk food, alcohol, or more comfort foods. This is very common for my clients as they start eating their emotions. This also happened to me when my father passed away. For many people with COVID, we're calling it the COVID 19, like the freshman 15, the COVID-19, meaning you're putting on about 19 pounds. It happens a lot because our mental health isn't as solid as we need it to be. We’re then not able to be disciplined and consistent in the type of eating that we want to have. PAUSE I do have to state I'm not a doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist, or counselor. I'm a coach, and I'm speaking from experience of what I've seen in my clients and the work that I've done in process coaching with my clients. I'm also speaking from a place of personal experience where I haven't had the emotional bandwidth. I haven't had the emotional stamina. I have dealt with postpartum depression, not once. But twice. I have dealt with anxiety where I have no idea where it came from. My hormones have been completely off balance. I've also dealt with stress and mental health suffering because of over-exertion and stress in the amount of things I do in my life. I have also experienced this with grief. I've got a lot of personal experience around this, but full disclosure, I have never had to get to a point of strongly medicating. So if you are at that place where your mental health is suffering, and you are suicidal, you are violent, or you are doing any other addictive or abusive behavior, or you are in a situation that is unsafe, please seek medical attention ASAP. Please tell a loved one that you trust. Please get the help that you need. That's so crucial. BACK TO… How else could you know that you're suffering mentally?
If your priorities are things that are important to you like emailing people back on time, getting projects completed, hanging out, or being committed to a group that you're a part of or a board that you're on, or people that you're volunteering with, those can be times when you're not honoring these things anymore. That's very strange for you. 
For ladies, maybe you don't care about doing your hair and makeup anymore, and that was important to you. Maybe you're not showering, doing other forms of hygiene that are important or you're not changing your clothes as often as you should.
You should be picking up the kids, but you totally forgot. You're not able to get certain things done. Maybe you're at the point where you don't care. That's showing that you're mentally starting to suffer.
In my first year of grief after my Dad passed, this was definitely something that I was having to deal with. I was short-tempered. I would raise my voice with my family. I was very quick to be frustrated. I didn't like that. I was also quick to cry as soon as somebody showed that they cared. I also wasn’t able to have emotional stamina — the emotional stamina to be able to get through the day, to handle other people, to be around other people, or get through something that's hard. For your situation, you have to ask yourself:
Now, let’s go back to answer that first question that my client had, “how do you know when your mental health is starting to suffer?” You might feel like:
After speaking events, or when I’m leading one of my own events, sometimes women come up to me and share where they are at. It sounds like they’re living in black and white.  If you see the start of Wizard of Oz, it's all in black and white. It has this almost dead feeling to it. We can feel that way in life. If you are not in the right mental state, it's like you're living in black and white. It's like the color, the spirit, the joy, and the energy left you. Later, when the movie switches to color, there's vibrancy, life, and energy that comes out - it’s the same when these women get themselves back. In my next blog, I’ll share with you some answers on what to do when your mental health is suffering. If you want to be around like-minded people, please join the free Dynamic Women Online Group on Facebook. Read more of my blogs here:
1. D.R.I.V.E.: 5 Ways to Motivate Yourself 2. Stop Skipping this! I'm Guilty Too! 3. "I don't want to do it!" Do you need a proven method to boost your confidence? Confidence is one of those things some people think either you're born with or you're not, but the truth is it’s something you can build in yourself.  You’ll love this one simple and easy action that you can do to boost your confidence in any area of life and also at any time in your life. The problem with confidence is that we feel like we need to be confident with everything, right from the very beginning. This is almost never the case, especially with something that's new. I look back now after publishing four of my own books and being published in three others. I can remember that first time, that idea of “Oh my gosh, I'm going to put a book together. I’ve never done this before. How am I going to do this? I'm freaking out!” Then, my saboteurs were coming in and saying a whole bunch of stuff like:
Have you heard those voices before, the limiting beliefs can hold you back? Well, the easiest way to shut them up and the fastest way to boost your confidence is to say you're going to do something and then do it. Let me illustrate If you say, “I'm going to write a book” it might feel like a big leap. It’s a big thing to be taking on and in saying it, you could be thinking, “I'm not going to feel confident if I say that I'm going to be an author.” Instead, could you just do that first step? Now, what would be the first step to writing a book? Sit with that question for a minute. What would be the first step to writing a book?
Do you think that you could figure out that one first step and then do it? So let's say that you were going to write a book and that first step was to come up with what you would write about. How long do you think it would take you to figure that out? Maybe just a half hour asking yourself some questions and brainstorming. Who knows you might already have it off the top of your head. So let’s say the first task towards writing your own book was choosing a topic/message, or deciding whether it's fiction or nonfiction. Just make sure the step is something you 150% believe you can do. Then when you say you'll do it, you commit to doing it, and you actually do it - this is how you build confidence. If you don't know how to do the step, how could you figure that out? You break it down even smaller than that. For example, to figure out the topic for your book here’s how you could get it done.
See, these are all easy first steps. What seems to be “a hard first step'' can be broken down even smaller. Then the next step of committing could be, “I'm going to have a conversation with a coach, a book publisher, a friend, or a client. I'm going to book that call. I'm going to have that call.” What if that was your first step? Are you 150% sure that you could do that? If the answer is yes. Then you do it. When you commit to something that you 150% know that you can do, that you have the ability to do, and that you will do, then you go do it. That is you proving you can do the things you say you'll do. That you can be committed and follow through. This is the easiest way to build confidence. Here’s another example, if your goal is to increase your confidence in working out or going to the gym, the first step can be to call a gym and ask about membership? It could be buying that new pair of running shoes!  Though calling the gym is not working out, just doing this first step, this small first step, saying you'll do it, actually following through and doing it and having the result, this will build your confidence. Then when you get a whole bunch of these “150% I can do this” sort of steps, you build confidence with each step, and you get closer and closer and closer to the goal. This is how I originally started with putting together the Dynamic You book. What's it about you ask? Well, since I was leading a group called Dynamic Women, everyone kept asking me, “So Diane, what's a dynamic woman?” I thought maybe it was time to actually share the answer. Then I had a conversation with a friend who walked me through what else would be in it. We talked about it and she was able to pull the information out of me. The first thing I committed to was the same as my example, what do I want it to be about? I 150% knew that I could come up with one topic. Then I 150% knew I could have a conversation with a friend and talk through it. By then talking it through, I committed to figuring out what the chapters would be by coming up with a framework. The framework was having the Nine Pillars of being a Dynamic Woman. I committed to defining the Nine Pillars, and then I committed to fleshing out each chapter.  I’ll admit I was freaked out when I thought, ‘I'm going to write a book.’ The funny thing is I also had to do it in 90 days because it was being purchased for a women’s convention that I was being flown in to present at. But that's what ended up happening because all I did was commit to the next step that I could 150% do. Then Your Confidence Grows More! Then not only do you build confidence by doing those small steps, but then you feel more confident to take on bigger goals and opportunities. Ones that push your boundaries, different steps, different tasks that you never would have thought of doing before. I would have never thought of formatting my own book, and publishing it on Amazon. I never would have thought to do a collaborative book and welcome other women to share their story not once but I did it twice. If you told me all that on day one, I wouldn't have believed it. I would have been freaked out. I would have thought, how can I ever do that? Now the cool thing is, I'm so confident about putting out books that I have also shown my team how to publish a Journal and helped clients to put together their own books! But I never started that way. Taking off the pressure of knowing every single step, and having to be ready for each of those steps on day one, helps to build your confidence because all you have to do is know what the next step and be 150% confident that you can do it, and then follow through. I ask you now what area of life do you need to boost your confidence in?
So what do you do now? Figure out something that you want to accomplish and ask yourself, what is the smallest first step that you could possibly take, that you 150% believe, that you can achieve. Then go do it. You'll start to see what you can accomplish and your confidence increases. I know you can figure out that 1st simple step and get it done! The next step will increase in its level of difficulty. But you got this. You can do it. When you apply this, let me know how it goes. Comment below. Share in a post and tag me. Or shoot me an email at [email protected]
Have you ever felt that you had so many things vying for your attention that you wondered, “where should I focus my energy and attention?” Probably. I’ll help you answer this. Maybe in the past 20 months, you’ve had to keep checking with regulations, restrictions, and with ways of keeping everyone safe. These are common thoughts:
And now it’s the start of 2022. Where you put your time, energy and attention is important for your success.  I’m going to ask you some powerful questions (because questions are always the things that move us forward). The First Question In 2021 and in past years, where have you invested your time, energy and money? If I was to take your calendar I could probably see where you focused your energy and attention.
But what else didn’t make it in your planned schedule?
I hope you've got some idea of where you did focus. Moving forward, is that still where you want to focus your attention? Is that the best place to invest your time, energy and money? Well, I'll tell you, the best places to choose are the ones that give you the biggest return on investment. You need to know that. What is going to be giving you the best ROI? Think:
What area could you focus on that would actually give you a 10x return? You know the area. It's you. You are where you should invest your time. You are where you should invest your energy. You are where you should invest your money. Because you're going to have the biggest return, not just in your work or in your business, but in all 10 areas of life. Sadly, as women, we tend to focus on other people’s needs. We forget about ourselves. We need to focus on ourselves and not feel guilty about it. And I find a lot of people invest in outward things. But why don't we invest in ourselves first? It could be that you grew up in a place or a time when you spend money on the things you needed like in the traditional sense like Maslow's Hierarchy of needs. You need shelter, so you’re paying your rent or you’re paying your mortgage. You need food so you’re paying for groceries. Same with medicine and also clothes. All these different examples are items you really have to buy to be able to stay safe and secure. Then there's the wants. Those cute shoes or handbag. Maybe some special spa services. The things that you think are the extras or that you still buy, but you're not getting as much of an investment back. We've maybe been taught to go without it. You could feel like if you’re going to have any money to invest, it's going to be in marketing your business or in paying for services for your business. That's all great, but your yearly budget should also include personal development. Some people wouldn't even think twice about putting 20, 40, or 100 grand down for university, but they wouldn't invest in:
What's the difference? Answering these questions is going to bring some things into light and help you decide what you want to focus on.
You do get excited about stuff, right? What do you like? What excites you? What gets you all fired up? Do you get excited about watching your kids play sports? Do you get excited about playing the piano? Or maybe about cooking? Or your favorite TV show? Or a certain type of car? What gets you all fired up? What gets you all excited? 2. How excited do you get about your own potential? Do you even get excited about your potential? Have you even thought about your potential? You're maybe like, “Oh, not really. I just kind of make goals and go for it.” But if you can get excited about your own personal potential and set goals around that, where could you be at the end of the year? Have you figured that out?  You may be thinking about goals, and you've written them down, and maybe written down a business plan or a strategy for the next 12 months. But have you planned about where you want to be and how you want to grow personally by the end of the year? Imagine if you were just 1% better every single day. So you worked on your potential, and you stepped into that 1% every day. You did something to better yourself, whatever it may be:
Now, if you do that 1% every single day, by the end of the next 12 months, you'd be 365% better. That's all you really need to do. How excited do you now get about your own potential? Have you thought about what your own potential is? Or do you feel like you're in the fixed mindset of “This is how I am and I'm just not good at that or not good at this or I've capped out where I can get promotions or I've kind of hit the level of my business success.” We talk to kids about their potential:
We talk to kids about where they should go and what they need to do to get there. But are we doing that for adults still? I don't think so. Do you have a plan on what you need to do to be able to reach that full potential? Probably not. Most of the people I speak with and the audiences I'm giving keynotes to or doing workshops for, they don't even know what they want. They don't know enough about themselves. And when they do well, they don't even celebrate their successes. How can you step into your potential, if you don't even celebrate who you already are? I’m not talking about like potential to have this much in sales. I mean, your human potential.  Yes, we can get excited about business. We can get excited about goals, but not to be a downer,the only constant is you! Jobs come and go. Some marriages come and go. People come and go. Health comes and goes. You are the only constant. You are the only one who will stay the same in your life, meaning you're the only one that will be there. By staying the same, I don't mean that you're always going to be the same person. But you will be the only one or the only constant in your own story. Where you should focus your attention then does come down to one question… What do you want the end of your year to look like? Now is the time to invest some time, energy and money into yourself. A great option is the Dynamic Year program where we will create a dynamic one page plan that you can use as a compass to tell you where to focus your resources. It’s all about making the achievement of your success easier and to increase your confidence while doing it. My clients do this program year after year and swear that it has increased their success not just that year but every following year. Check it out here. In my next blog, I will share with you the second question that you need to answer.
One of my clients, Paula Kent, once asked the question, “Why do the destructive patterns emerge so quickly when situations or life gets stressful?” In simple words, why do we go back to our old patterns of old bad habits? First, think about the bad habits that you have.  I know for me that as soon as I get busy:
All of those things go away, and I lose my balance. This is where Paula was and where so many of my clients get. The Wheel of Life Your first tool or first way to really battle this is with the wheel of life. The Wheel of Life is a professional coaching tool. What it does is it really shows you a bird's eye view of what life balance is like for you at the current moment. Not three weeks from now or three weeks ago. So today, how is it? How is your balance? How satisfied are you in each area of life? It's going to quickly tell you where you're not satisfied. It's going to quickly tell you where you're off balance. When you have these destructive patterns that emerge so quickly, it's going to give you the answers right in your face to the question: Where am I really losing it? Making New Goals or Habits Now that you know the areas to focus on:
Then you get to make a decision. Do I want to do more in that area to make that better? If yes, you’re going to make some goals or some new habits around those areas. This is one option.  Get into Maintenance Mode Another option you have is to pull back and go into maintenance mode when life gets stressful or when major things happen. For example,
Those are all things that happen quickly and can be unexpected. Even if you knew it was going to happen because a big project, renovation or surgery was planned, it is still something that can make you feel overwhelmed. Life gets stressful, but you need to know what you have to do to get into maintenance mode. What do you do when life gets crazy? Here are some examples:
In maintenance mode, you can also think of doing/not doing these things:
You need to know which areas of your life you can dial back on: which solutions you can bring in to make that area easier. Maybe get a house cleaner that week just to help you out. Maybe you bring on someone to help you in your business that week.  When life is crazy, ask yourself, “What are the basics of what I need right now?” I call that maintenance mode. Rather than you trying to fulfill all 10 areas and be perfect and amazing in all of your life, you really get to dial back in those certain areas. You could focus on just the top 4 priorities. When my son broke his femur, there were definitely a lot of things that I had to do in order to go into maintenance mode. I've seen this in clients when they were on a leave of absence or mat leave, then the company wants them to come back to work full time. The problem is if they didn’t they would lose their job. All of a sudden, they're back in a full time career, but also trying to manage everything they managed before. Just go into maintenance mode. Use the tool of the Wheel of Life to really see where things are at, and then have a little grace with yourself. We fall back into patterns because they were easy or for some reason, they supported us before. But you have now either leveled up your life and who you are, and you don't want to undo the good work you have done. If you already have a really great morning routine, you already have a really great health routine, or you already have really great relationships, you don't want to undo those by going back to those bad habits. Use your self-awareness. Go into maintenance mode so you can stay on track and figure out an easy plan. Write down all the things you are not satisfied with. Then once you are feeling less overwhelmed, put a plan in place where one by one, you can start to get back into the swing of things. If you’d like to go through the Wheel of Life you have 2 options:
Read my other blogs here:
1. Using GOOD Habits to Achieve Your Goals 2. How successful women replace BAD habits with GOOD Ones 3. 10 Honestly GOOD habits to have Are you feeling a little out of control of your life right now? Michael Altshuler once said, “The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.”  It got me thinking, how many people are really the pilot of the course of their lives? Who is really choosing the destination that you’re going to? And how are you going to get there? What does it mean to be the pilot of your life? It means:
Do you feel that you are in control of your life right now? That you are really the one in the pilot's seat to get you there? There are many times in our lives when we feel a little out of control. We feel like we are not the ones who are really charting the course for where we're going. You may be in one of these situations:
 Are you in any of these situations? I want to give you full kudos. You are such a loving person to be able to give up what you want to do for others. But it's hard to not be in the pilot's seat if you want to be. It's hard to let life or others make your decisions for you when you have your own desires. If you have had to make a really hard, selfless decision to support a partner, a family member, or a parent, I applaud you. Reading this might not be the right step for you, but it gives you an idea of what you can do to feel in control of the other areas of your life. You may just be feeling out of control for some reason (like COVID-19) and it’s making you feel like you can't chart your own course. What if you're in the midst of trying to gain back control, but until you complete something, do something, or a certain time comes, you're held back? Getting back into your pilot’s seat I've got a few tips, tricks, and a few philosophies around how you can get back into being in the pilot's seat. As a coach, I find that one of the hardest questions that I ask people is, “What do you want?"
That simple question, though, of “What do you want?” isn't so simple. We then go through the process of looking at all 10 areas of life and figuring out what would make you feel the most fulfilled and happy. If you want to be the pilot of your life, you need to be able to answer the question, “What do you want?” And not just answer it but answer it with confidence and with passion. What do you want in each of those 10 areas? With your:
Then, we determine what are your top three goals that you want to be focusing on right now. “What do you want?” and “What are the top things that you want to be focusing on?” will really get you to where your destination is. If you want to be the pilot of your life, you need to know where you're going. That's how you get back in control. A lot of times, we are living our lives according to other people's agendas. The agenda of your boss, spouse, family, kids, and maybe even of society. With Michael's quote, “the bad news is time flies.” Therefore, if you want to gain back control, today is the day. Figure out what you want, and then you need to make a plan to get there. It could be time to have some difficult conversations with others:
You have permission to take back the pilot's seat… to be the pilot of your plane. It doesn't mean you don't honor anybody else or their wants. It means that you get to fly your course, too. You have permission to have clarity on what you want, the confidence to go for your goals and to get into action. The next piece is, who do you need to be in order to get there. Do you have to be organized, creative, confident, outspoken, determined, persistent, resilient? There are so many different ways of being. It's not just the “doing” that's important. It's the “being” side that helps you to get there. What type of pilot do you want to be? There have been times in my life where I looked around, and I thought, “Wow, I didn't necessarily pick this job. It just kind of found me. It was offered to me. I knew someone who knew someone who was offering a job, and now I have the job.” Then I look around and I think, “Wow, I'm hanging out with these people. I'm friends with these people.” But again, I didn't necessarily choose them. They were connected to a job, my kids, or they were in a club I was in. I wonder, in your life, how much of your life is by your own design? Or how much is just based on circumstance, convenience, or settling?  I'm not saying just because you happen to get a job or you happen to meet people and hang out with them, that you're settling. But it's a question to ask yourself. If you want to be in the pilot's seat and if you want to be able to chart the course of where you're going, you need to be honest about where you're at. If you could, Would you choose your career again? Your friends again? Your situation again? So once you know where you're going, you know your top three goals. You know how you need to redesign with other people and you know who you need to be. It's time to take action. Make a full plan. What's the first step? And then after that? And then what comes next? What do you need to learn? Who do you need to bring on board to help you to get where you're going? Are you now thinking, “Oh, man, I don't want to be the pilot. I want to be the passenger. I just want someone to take me through this.” Whether you want to be the pilot or a passenger or not. If you don't feel like you're getting the right answers, or you have the clarity but you’re not getting into action or you lack the confidence around it, let's have a conversation. Reach out to me [email protected]. I really want you to be able to be in the pilot's seat of your life because, as Michael says, time flies. Can you really miss another day?
Read my other blogs here: 1. How is Overthinking Affecting you? 2. 4 crucial questions about your life path 3. The Power of Baby Steps I have a confession, and it has to do with being an impostor. Michelle Obama felt like an impostor. It all comes down to a psychological condition called “Imposter Syndrome.” According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, it is characterized by persistent doubt concerning one's abilities, or accomplishments accompanied by the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of one's ongoing success.  It's the truth. There are so many people who are feeling like impostors. So many powerful women have felt like impostors or currently feel like an impostor. Do you feel like an impostor? Let me share my personal experience. Many times in my career and in my life, I have felt like I didn't belong. I have felt that I wasn’t good enough. It often came from me and the worst was when other people told me that I didn’t belong. When I was a young girl, about 11, I was really succeeding and leading the way in soccer. I was noticed for my ability by an indoor soccer boys team that invited me to come and play with them. I was excited because this was going to be a higher level of challenge for me. I was honored to be invited. When I showed up there, I worried, “Oh, my goodness, I have to step up to this level. Can I?” *insert imposter syndrome* I see a gym full of boys and soccer balls and we start practicing. When we get into pair work, no one wants to do the drills with me! I really started to feel like I didn't belong. That I wasn’t wanted there. Maybe you felt this way at some point in your life. You weren't allowed to be there. People didn't want you there or maybe you just weren't good enough to be there, so you self-sabotage your way out of being there. Because I was young and I still had a little bit of naive confidence, even though they didn't want to pair with me, I thought, “Okay, well, I'm still here, so I'm still gonna practice.” In the end, the coach had to put his son with me because no one would pair up with me. I heard the murmurs. Maybe you have heard them too. Maybe it was the truth. Maybe it wasn't the truth. Sadly, we murmur to ourselves the most, judging ourselves, doubting ourselves THE MOST. Have you heard these? Have you felt these?
What happened for me was a lesson and maybe a lesson for the boys, who knows. The coach sat everyone down and said, “The reason why Diane is here is because she's a really good player.” Nothing. No reaction. They didn't care. Then, the next comment was, “You should be glad she is here because she's going to help us do well.” Again, for their benefit. They didn't care. But the last comment was a little bit of a poke to them. He said, “And to be honest, she’s probably better than most of you here.” Well, saying to a group that you’re better than them is a way to not belong. But hey, at least I knew that the coach wanted me to be there. How many times in your life and in your business have you got to that place of these questions?
Women and Imposter Syndrome The sad thing is imposter syndrome is probably holding you back. It has held me back. Now, where does Michelle Obama come in here? Well, former US First Lady Michelle Obama was speaking to some girls and she urged them to resist imposter syndrome. Why did she say that? Because she felt it on the way up the ladder, as Barack was going up, what happened? She felt like she had to fight men for power. She had to prove herself all the time. Until we as women step up into who we were meant to be, until we are unapologetically ourselves, until we really take ownership of the amazing things that we have done, we can suffer from impostor syndrome. There are many negative problems that come from imposter syndrome:
 The Stark difference between Men and Women Beliefs A Business Insider study said that men and women view success differently. Men believe that success comes from their innate skills and talents. Women believe that their success comes from luck and help from others. If our success comes from luck and help from others, no wonder we feel like impostors because we are saying that the only reason why we succeed is because someone helped us. So we aren’t the lead of our own success. I don't know how many times the clients I work with reach a level of success, win an award, and they still think that they only got there because of other people. Maybe they got there with some help from other people, but not completely. If you run a team yourself, you are the one to lead them to greatness. Yes, you could have great people on your team to take ownership and celebrate the things that you did. Pay The other thing that is going to happen is how are we ever going to be paid equally to men if we don't own that we actually belong at that level. There was another study that I read. It said something like, a woman feels she needs 80% and above qualifications for a role or a position before she'll apply. Sometimes it even takes the urging of a mentor or someone else in the company in order to get her to go for it. This also includes my clients who were speakers. They don't go for certain projects, engagements, keynotes, and conferences because they feel like they're not good enough. So not getting paid the same, not going for opportunities that are the same. Leadership Roles The other thing is, how are we ever going to have more women in high-up leadership positions if we continue to feel like we're an imposter. Now, it's one thing to think, “Oh, I'm slightly under where I need to be” and that's fine, but it's another to limit yourself. In that same study that I read where a woman feels she needs 80% and above qualifications for a role or a position before she'll apply, it's only 20% for men. If a man has 20% of the qualifications for that role, that position, that engagement, that board spot, whatever it may be, he only needs 20% of the skills to say to himself, “I'm going to step into that.” Now, this is a complete blanket generalization. I get that. But it was a fact that I read. And I see it play out over and over and over and over and over in my female clients, in the women in my Dynamic Women® Community, even in the successful women that I interview on my Dynamic Women® Podcast, the women in my collaborative books, they still feel like impostors. It often comes from a limiting belief. The number one limiting belief according to the research Brene Brown is, “I am not enough.” This is basically feeling like you are an impostor. Thai happens no matter your level of success because every time you push yourself to the next limit, you move yourself out of your comfort zone. I do this all the time, maybe you do too. Then I have that second... that moment of “Am I really meant to be here? Have I really deserved this position?” Do you know what I changed it to? Absolute immense gratitude.
 I'm constantly presented with the option of choosing impostor syndrome every time I push you out of my boundaries, and the same goes for you. When you level up, you have that moment where you’re going to feel like an impostor. But you also have the chance to choose gratitude. You also have the chance to create the most magnificent plan to step into that next level and to feel more confident there. BUT:
So if you ever feel like an impostor or if you feel like you're an impostor in one or more areas of your life, I'm telling you, it's okay. It's totally okay. It's about boosting your confidence so that you can own that position. That you can be there and be your most brilliant self. You and I are not really impostors. We're just holding ourselves back, but not anymore... P.S. You can still get the Confidence Fast Start! It’s a box full of experiential items that can help you build confidence! Read my other blogs here:
1. Confidence is Sexy - when worn right! 2. The Power of Baby Steps 3. The Secret to Staying Positive and Passionate “How are you?” We always say it, but did you know that you could be using this simple greeting in the wrong way?  It may seem simple, but the question “How are you?” “How you doin’?” “How you goin’?” can be taken the wrong way. It can be used in the wrong fashion. I didn't really put too much weight on this in the past. I know that people ask this question and use it as a greeting. Our common answers to this question are:
Then, we ask the other person the same question and they give a quick response. After that, it’s over and done with. But how often have you actually asked other people the deeper question of “How are you really doing?” or “How are you actually doing?” So often, we just use it as a greeting, and then we're on our way. We don't actually stand there and wait for the FULL response. We don't notice when there are inconsistencies with how someone is appearing: how they’re acting, their voice, their tone, the inflection, and the way their body language is speaking something completely different. Have you ever noticed the time when you've said to someone, “How are you doing?” And they answer, “Oh, okay.” Then, you feel there's something deeper here. “I'm okay or “I'm good” isn't actually how they're feeling, but you don’t ask for more. Why don’t you? We’ve all been there. Maybe you don't have time to find out how they really feel, or you don’t want to pry or it makes you feel uncomfortable or you’re just not that close to them. How many times have you been asked this simple question, and you've given a quick “Good” or “Okay” but really deep down, you were hurting or there was more to that “I'm okay.” But you weren't ready to stop them from just being a greeting and to say more about how you're actually feeling. This came to light when I was in an “after convention hangout”, and some of my colleagues were having a lot of light conversations. There were a lot of jokes, reminiscing, talking about what we learned, and sharing our goals. Then there was a pause and someone asked one of the attendees, “How are you?” She opened up and shared that she’s actually not doing okay and she’s not doing fine, the truth came out. The truth of how:
We welcomed her honesty. It gave her the space to share. I know I could relate. At the time, I was dealing with my father's death, and I didn't feel like myself. If you were to ask me right now how I am doing, I'm going to give you the real answer. I'd say I'm starting to feel more like myself. But if you'd asked me a few months ago, I probably would have said, “Well, I'm okay. I'm fine.” But if you asked me how I'm really doing, and paused to hear, I would have told you, “I'm struggling.” I would have told you grief sucks. This colleague of ours had the courage to share more and had the courage to go into the truth of how she really was feeling.  It was nice for her to have that space for us to listen to her. Do you know what flowed after that? The truth. The truth of how everyone else was doing. No one had to keep up appearances anymore. More people shared about
We had the ultimate sharing. What it came down to was someone asking her, “How are you really?” and being there to hear the answer. It makes me wonder how many of the people around you or me are not doing well. But we don't ask them in a way that's not a greeting. I wonder if hundreds of thousands of years ago people used the expression, “How are you?” Maybe people used it to find out how others are doing rather than just to spark a conversation with your neighbor. Maybe as you were cutting down a tree, or plowing a field, or bartering and exchanging goods, you actually had a conversation. You knew each other so well that you would share more. But in today's world, the way things are, we're Zooming with people across the world. We're jumping into networking events and conferences online. We're rushing from here to there. And the greeting of “How are you” just stays at that. It becomes a rhetorical question. It doesn't really even matter what people say because are we really listening? This is what my colleague brought forward. She said people ask her all the time how she's doing, but do they really want to know the full answer? She didn’t think so. I wonder how long this colleague of mine felt unheard, but also how much of it is our responsibility to be able to say, “Hey, I really want to tell you how I'm doing. I'm ready to tell you now.” A little while later in true Canadian style, she apologized to the group for dumping it on them. I private messaged her, “Don't ever apologize for speaking the truth of where you're at.”  If we encourage people to keep their true feelings inside, imagine what will happen. This is when it becomes too much, unbearable. If people are struggling, if they are having negative feelings or a hard time in life, then they need to not walk the journey alone. But how do they know who they can talk to if we don't ask them in a way where we stand there and we wait for the response? I'm not judging because I constantly do a quick “Hey, how's it going?” to people as I catch them in the mall or walking down the street or at the school playground, especially now in the days where we have to stay so separated by 2 metres or when we're on Zoom meetings and everybody's listening. That's using the quick “Hey, how's it going?” as a greeting because there are too many people in the room to get an actual response. But how about if we just took a little bit more notice… lingered a little bit longer after asking the question… checked for consistency, congruence between what their body and their look, their appearance, their tone, their intonation is telling you compared to the words they actually used. If they say “I'm fine” or “I'm good,” then don't be afraid to follow up with them with:
Sometimes we just need that door to open to be able to share more of our feelings and of what is going on in our lives. How many times have we opened the door for others? I get that you're not going to do this with the waitress or a cashier. You're going to say your greeting, and maybe when they say they're good, you're going to say, “Well, I hope you continue to have a good day.” Maybe we extend the conversation a little bit beyond. If you haven't seen a friend for a while, why not reach out and ask how they are really doing. Rather than just a text, an email, or a message in some other capacity, why don't you get on the phone and really ask? Have a conversation. If you yourself feel like people are just asking you this rhetorical question, and they don't really care about the answer then take responsibility for it. Tell people you need them to listen. Say, “Thank you for asking. I'm actually not doing really well” if that's the truth about where you are. Choose the right people you want to do that with so that you have a safe space to share more and so they can then support you. If we remain quiet and we don’t share with others how it's going, no one will be able to step up and help. You don’t have to walk this alone. There are many people out there who can help. Maybe not people in your current life, maybe not people you know, but there are people on call lines. There are people at churches. There are people who are trained to support you like counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, and coaches. There are people out there that can support you beyond “How are you?” As you go into the world, I encourage you, if you're going to do a greeting of “How are you?” that's fine. Just look for those inconsistencies. When you have the time or create the time, linger a little longer to look for the true answer and if you sense that the person is not fine or not good, and there's a little bit more underneath:
Or remind them that you're there to support them if they ever need it. If everyone did this, COVID would be a little bit easier to deal with. Life would be a little bit easier to get through. We'd all know that we weren't alone in this crazy world.
Are you not getting the results you really want? Are you not happy with the speed to get those results? When you’re going towards your goal, you put in time, resources, and energy. Maybe in your business, you're trying some different marketing efforts. Then you realize that you’re not getting the return on investment that you’re looking for. Or you think you’ve got this goal that you want to reach, but you’re just not quite getting there fast enough.  One of the most common errors I see is that people are not investing in the right areas. I don't mean the right area of life or the right area of their business. It really boils down to three things:
One of these three things is the real reason why you have an obstacle. All obstacles stopping you from achieving your goal, getting the results that you want and having you feeling stuck come from either mindset, skillset, or network. Ask yourself:
Answering these questions will help you choose which of the three areas you need to invest in and focus on. When I use the words “invest in”, I don't mean that you're investing in a business, like you're giving them $100,000 in capital or you're investing in a real estate property, or you're investing in stocks and bonds. However, the same kind of rules apply. If you put in so much money, then you should be getting back more than what you invested. It should have an ROI, return on investment. Spending money means that it's gone. It disappears. But when you're investing in something, you're looking to get a higher return. It's not just investing your money, it's also investing your time and investing your energy. Let’s see if your problems are part of your mindset, skillset, or network. Mindset Mindset really helps you to feel like you can go for it and feel like you can achieve it. Mindset examples are:
When you have a top mindset, when you're really playing at that higher level:
 I was playing soccer the other day, and there was a 50/50 ball between my team's player and their team's player. As they came up, their player hesitated to jump in to get that free ball. In that split second, her mindset threw her off. Her mindset caused her to hesitate and her mindset caused her to lose the ball. My teammate got it. So I ask you now, how is your mindset inhibiting your business and your life? Where is it holding you back? Where is it stopping you from feeling like you can achieve things? When we don't feel like we can achieve something, it might cause perfectionism. Where we just keep going over and over and over something and tweaking and perfecting but we never actually finish. Our mindset makes us procrastinate because we don't believe we can do it, so we avoid it and we do other things rather than actually pushing forward and trying it out. The sad thing is, when you hesitate, someone else is going to pick up that
They are going to have that opportunity because their mindset is on point. When you think of Olympic sprinters, their physical ability in running is only fractions of seconds from each other. Their ability to go from being an Olympian to being a gold medalist and the Silver and Bronze is so close. Most of that comes down to mindset training. How is your mindset holding you back? Skillset Ask yourself these questions:
When I started my business, I didn't know how to offer from stage. I didn't know how to build programs. I didn't know how to even coach. So I had to invest in training, mentors, and coaches to be able to boost these.  I'm sure if you've had a business or you work in a business or even in your career, you've had some form of training or some form of skills taught to you so that you're able to take on new or more difficult tasks. If you're going towards something new in your business, something that's the next level, or even in your life, you need to have that special skill set. You need to invest in the training/education, mentors, and coaches to be able to do that. If that's the piece that's holding you back, if that's the piece that has you stuck, let me tell you:
If you feel like a specific skill set is where you're lacking, you don't have the right skills or the right talents to move you forward, like
Then there are places you can go. This is where you need to invest your time, energy and money to upgrade or master a skill. Network This can happen over time or you can be really good at it and have your network grow pretty quickly. Your network is the people you serve. It's the people you know. It's the people you can offer to, and those who surround you, like mentors, coaches, colleagues who push you forward. The truth is with no platform or network, your success will be slower, and it will take more energy. It's much easier with other people as your fans and connections. With the right people, you can leverage their network in order to push your business forward. You don't have to be a lone wolf. AND you don't have to be Superwoman. I know we're trying to do all these things ourselves or we're trying to have a lean startup, but leveraging your network is so smart. Even if you don't have the money, maybe you have the time. You could trade. You could barter with other people. You could do an hour for hour swap with someone who has something that you want and/or you have a skill or talent that they want. I'm part of CAPS or the Canadian Association of Professional Speakers. I was speaking with someone who is producing the networking content for our convention this year. She wanted to talk to me because she says I'm the queen of networking, which made me laugh and also really felt good to hear. It made me think well, what is it that makes me the queen of networking?
It's collaborators. It's joint venture partners. It’s affiliates. All three add so much to your network. When we started talking about the different CAPS networking and breakouts that they were going to do between the educational and keynote sessions, I got quite excited. I was thinking that this is going to be so cool. It’s going to be a really great opportunity to expand my network and for all the attendees to be able to expand their networks as well.  When you expand your network, so much more can happen and it will happen much faster. So answer this, how can you expand your network by investing time, energy, and money into it? What You Can Do If you’re not where you want to be, it is because you're lacking one of the three areas: mindset, skillset or network. Which is the one you need to focus on right now? Maybe you're honest and think, “Oh, Diane, it's all three.” Well, it doesn't have to be all three. You can just pick one right now. Pick the one that makes the most sense. Once you pick the area that you want to focus on, then ask yourself: What do I have an abundance of? Is it time, energy, or money? Then invest that into that area. Options for Mindset
Options for Skillset
Options for Network
Your best investment in life and in business is not always in things like cars, houses, stocks, bonds, or items you want. I know that there will be financial advisors that will tell you to invest in those things. Yes, you need to. But I’ve found that not enough attention is put on investing in your mindset, your skill set, and your network. When you do, you can get a higher return. These are areas that cannot be taken from you. Lastly, the only way to be able to hit your goals is by investing in yourself. So which one do you want to work on right now? Is it mindset, skill set, or your network? Which one needs to take top priority right now?
In my last blog, I talked about the seven problems in our culture that are holding you back from your happiness. Now, I am going to share the things that we do. Once you start tackling these things, you're going to be able to clear space and find more satisfaction in life. Number 1: We fail to put ourselves on our list The list of what? The list of priorities, the list of items that are a need or a want to be able to have a fulfilling life. That’s the key. I recently hung out with a bunch of really successful professionals. They are amazing, smart, kind, and giving women who when asked the question of “What are your personal goals?” had no friggin idea! None at all. I'm not blaming them. It's just sad. It is sad that there are still so many people out there who have no idea (men, kids, adults included) who still don't know what brings them joy, what they should do for fun. People come to me and I look at their whole lives, and we talk about satisfaction in every area of life. Fun and recreation is often neglected. The health side is often neglected. And we're doing it to ourselves, as well as not seeing where society does it to us.  Number 2: We fail to live according to our values I don't mean morals. I mean values. The things that make us tick. The things that give us our energy, our mojo, our resonance. When we are honoring our values, we’re in alignment. I do a Values Discovery Session, helping you figure out your values. You can't do it yourself. You need someone else to be looking in and asking you questions. But once you figure that out, you're going to know where you're aren’t honouring your values and who is dishonouring your values. When you're in alignment, you have energy. When you're OUT of alignment, you feel a void of energy. It feels like you're pushing and you can be so tired and overwhelmed from it. Number 3: We fail to give to ourselves first We give others the opportunity to have food, to have rest, or to have sleep. As nurturers, we give before we receive and make sure everyone else is good. I don't know how many times:
We don't give to ourselves first even though you all know that analogy around, “You have to put your own oxygen mask on first.” Number 4: We don't get support to make it happen We often say to ourselves:
You are, but you can have support to make all of these things happen. You can have support to figure out what you want. You don't need to do or know everything yourself. It's okay to hire a coach, a counselor, a psychologist, or psychiatrist, someone to support you in this, as well as all the health side of things: a naturopath, a homeopath, a chiropractor, a massage therapist. Whatever you need to support you in your growth. It's okay to get help!  Number 5: We do not take care of our own needs all the time We wait. We put it off. This was very apparent to me when I’d been home working all day. I might have had one child at home at the time as well. Or I brought them to daycare and back or my other child to school and back and then I'm home and making dinner and I'm cleaning up and everyone comes in and then my husband disappears! I'm like, “Where did he go?” He just walked in the door. The kids need attention. I'd like some help, and he disappeared. Then I hear the water running. He went to have a shower. I was so shocked. Why? Because I would never dare have a shower now because there's dinner that needs to be made, the house needs to be picked up, the kids need our attention, and he needs my attention. I'm going to shower when all of that is done and the kids are in bed and lunches are packed and maybe laundry has been folded. I realized that I was not taking care of my needs and I saw how I could learn so much from him. I needed to learn that it's okay:
How funny that I was pissed at first, but now I'm grateful that his action of simply going to have a shower gave me permission to take care of my own needs like he was. Number 6: We fail to ask better questions of ourselves and of others We don't ask ourselves:
What if these questions were more common at parties and get-togethers rather than, “What do you do?” being the topic. What if one of these were the first question we ask people rather than “What do you do?” because “What do you do for fun?” “What do you enjoy? What brings you joy?” That's something that will carry through your whole life. But “What you do?” isn't always something that will be there forever. Number 7: We fail to listen to our intuition It is talking to you. It is telling you what you need. It is sharing with you what you desire. If we listen to our intuition, that little voice, a little positive voice that is answering these questions or giving us nudges, we'd be happier.  For example, I kept getting nudges around drumming. The kind where you hold a drum between your legs and hit it. I thought about it a lot and mentioned it to clients. I eventually took African drumming. I took the course every Sunday afternoon. I would go and I would do African drumming with a circle of other people all learning it. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be. I thought I could just whack it and you can't because there are techniques to it. What are your little intuition pieces telling you? You have opportunities when you listen to your intuition. Another example is following my intuition when picking my courses for university. I was flipping through the Course Guide and for some reason, the Japanese course was something that I was drawn to. I heard the little voice saying, “I want to do that.” There was something pushing me to do it. At the end of my four years of university, I loved all things Japanese. I loved the language so much that I went on an adventure to Japan for not just one year, but three! Now it’s your turn! Over the next 24 hours, I encourage you to listen to the little voice. The little voice may be saying:
That little voice is helping you out. I feel super passionate about this. I want you to be able to answer the question of “What do you like to do?” If you were a client of mine and we were working together through this right now, I would probably do a values exercise to help you find your values. I'd go through the Wheel of Life so we could find out exactly what you are wanting. I would take you through some exercises so you not only have clarity, but are excited and motivated and you have a plan! If you want to delve into this further, if the answer to this question is eluding you, or you're not quite sure if you have the right answer, I really encourage you to reach out. Let's have a chat. Let's see how I can support you. Why bother? Because there's a piece of you that wants more. That there's going to be a time when you're not so busy (the kids leave, you have more time or space, or you earn enough money so you don't need to work anymore). How are you going to fill your time and space? How are you going to get right in tune with yourself? You can reach me at [email protected] or click here. Read my other related blogs here:
1. Seven Problems Holding YOU Back from Your Happiness 2. Want more success? Then pull up your big girl panties! 3. How successful women replace BAD habits with GOOD Ones Have you been asked, “What are your hobbies?” or “What do you do for fun?” and you didn’t know how to answer those questions? I’ve been meeting and finding people, especially women, who:
Something is holding them back from their happiness. Those questions are common. Not knowing how to answer them is also common! Not knowing the answer feels super frustrating! The crazy thing is that you're smart and successful and you should know the answers to these questions, shouldn’t you?  This happens because there are problems in our culture. Let's talk about the seven ways that basically our society or culture is screwing you over. These are the seven reasons why there are problems in our culture that are stopping you from knowing the answers to this question. The 1st Problem: As women, we are seen or expected to be Superwomen. Maybe you've heard of the Superwoman syndrome. I teach about that in some of my workshops with female leaders. We are expected to do it all. We are expected to be:
We are looking to be amazing at every single role or title that we could possibly have. Why is that? Because we grew up in a time many of us (if you're my age) where our moms were mainly housewives. There are a lot of moms out there that right now are housewives, but we're now in another time where we're also expected to be a great housewife and have a successful career. We're also expected to do a billion other things extremely well.  My role model is my mom. I think about how she was there, driving me around to sports, part of the school PAC, baking zucchini muffins and so much more! I feel like I’m not doing those things, and I ask myself, “Am I not a good mom? Do I need to step up?” We're expected to be Superwomen. But the truth is, we're not. We're not Superwomen. But we are amazing. We are extraordinary, but we don't need to be perfect at every single title that we could possibly have. The 2nd Problem: We keep so much in our heads. We have to have so much in our heads:
We have to keep everyone else's schedule in our heads: when our family members have to go to the doctor’s and birthdays. Everything! I'm not saying just in your head, but maybe in your planner. We have to control these things a majority of the time. From what I've seen, this is the case with so many women. The 3rd problem: We are constantly asked to help. We are always asked to help:
We’re constantly asked to help. In my case, I feel guilty that I'm only now attending the PAC meetings. I look around and see all these other moms. Well, where are the dads? Are the dads getting asked to be on the PAC? Are they? I'm not seeing it. I see one or two dads then the rest are female staff at the school or the moms. We're constantly asked to help. My husband has never been asked to do a meal train. EVER. I wonder if he even knows what it is! We're usually the ones that do drop off and pick up for everything. We're often the ones that are asked. No wonder you don't have to have time for hobbies because you're constantly being asked to help others. And what do we do? We often say “Yes.”
We get asked and we say yes. It's not a problem to say “Yes.” But the problem is that we're often asked, and then we feel obligated to say “Yes.” All. The. Time. The 4th Problem: Giving selflessly is rewarded. We often hear statements like:
We are rewarded when we give selflessly. I would really love it if women can be more self full. Full of self. Full of knowing themselves. Full of giving back to themselves. But it's not happening enough. The 5th Problem: Being busy is a badge of honor. I can't just sit and do nothing. I can't even watch a movie and not do anything. I'm watching a movie AND I am folding laundry. Do you relate to this? Do you feel like you can't just sit and chill? You have to be doing something. Then people say, “Oh, you're so busy. You've got so much going on.” Yeah, I do. But the thing is being overly busy is killing us. I was asked to be part of a board that they said would be great for me. I said, “I can’t, I’m busy.” They said, “We’re all busy.” I said “No, you don't understand. I don't have the bandwidth to do this.”  Recently, I've been having to say this more. No one told me this, but if you've ever had grief, it is debilitating! It screws with your focus. I am a rock star when I coach my clients, but man, I can't remember someone's name that I saw the other day. I do so many things that I'm tired. I'm so tired. So I've had to be kinder to myself. Being busy should not be a badge of honor. We should be able to have quiet time, chill time, time for ourselves or time to rest. And celebrate time for ourselves. The 6th Problem: People can be shocked when you have your own time. I have friends whose husbands go on hunting trips, fishing trips, rugby trips, and even business trips and no one ever says to them, “Oh, but who's taking care of the kids?” or “Doesn't your work need you or anything?” Nothing like that is said. It's always like, “Cool, have fun.” or “Where are you going? How long are you going for?” Whenever I take a trip to another country to have a conference or workshop, can you guess what I’m asked? They ask, “Oh, how is your husband going to handle the kids? Isn’t he also working when you’re away? Oh, he’ll have to cook or did you leave him some meals.” Well, I handle the kids a lot of the time. I friggin work, too! And my hubby never made me meals when he left on one of his trips. It blows my mind that they’ll ask if I’ll take the kids with me. No, I’m not taking the kids with me. Do we ask guys if they are taking the kids with them on their trip? No! Because we think moms are at home. Let me tell you about another thing. I play soccer on a Sunday morning. I'll say, “Oh, I can't go to that event because I have soccer.” Then someone often says, “Can’t someone else drive your child?” I’m like, “It’s MY soccer.” I think they’re shocked that someone who is not younger is doing something that they love. Would we be shocked that a guy is playing a sport? I don't think so. Another example is once a year, I'll go to Whistler or I'll go somewhere and I'll have an overnight. Just me. It's the most amazing thing. I drive there, go to the spa, hang out, shop around, go hike, sleep in, stroll around, etc. Sometimes I come back when the kids are in bed so I wouldn’t have to do bedtime! People are shocked. Why isn't it okay that I go? It’s not crazy that I went away. We need to rest and recharge. The 7th Problem: We honor success and accomplishments over satisfaction. We're constantly looking at people and see that they:
But the person can be miserable. I know people that are in unhappy marriages because
But they're not happy. They're not satisfied. What if we focus first on what brings us joy and satisfaction. I'm not suggesting we break up marriages. I'm definitely not saying that. But I'm saying we need to focus on what brings us satisfaction rather than striving for success. These are the seven problems that prevent you from being able to do the things that you need to do for yourself. Can you relate to any of these? Let me know in the comments!
Read my other related blogs: 1. We are Starved for this - How to Deal with “I am NOT Enough” 2. The Three Things That Make You EXTRAORDINARY 3. The Price We Pay for Our Decisions The world is starved for Recognition AND Appreciation. Are you part of the problem? I think a lot of it comes from what would be considered the number one limiting belief, which is “I am not enough."  We are constantly judging ourselves. (And by “we” I mean women.) We are comparing ourselves to high standards. Now maybe not everyone has the same standards, but there’s often at least one of these questions...
There's always judgment. Sadly, it can be by us, by friends, by family, by society, or by culture. It's very easy for us to feel starved for recognition, starved for appreciation because we're needing to feel like we're enough. Now, let me ask you:
First of all, if this is happening to you or happening to those around you, this is how people feel when they are not recognized or appreciated. They feel a little bit like, “Why bother?”
And when you're in that place of “Why bother?” you feel apathetic. You're not driven. You're not driven to achieve. Can you relate to that? What area in your life do you feel underappreciated? Have you done things that have gone unrecognized? You may have been in one of these situations:
 If you are suffering from this, I'm sorry, that sucks! I'm on a mission to teach people to easily combat this. Acknowledge Others If we just change the conversations we're having by doing this one thing I'm going to share, the world would be a better place. If you're doing this action properly every single day:
Simple Solution You can acknowledge others. I'm sure you already know how to compliment someone. You say things like:
Since you know how to compliment, we can now move to acknowledging a person for who they are, what they have done, and who they’re being. This tells the person they have good qualities, they’re liked and they’re more than good enough! It's really simple. It's four words, or it's five words. Five-Word Version The five-word version is “You are a/an + adjective + the role or title that they have (sister, brother, mother, father, friend).” We can acknowledge them for really any role or any title. For example, you can say, “You are a driven entrepreneur." For a more personal example, my daughter made a beautiful “Dream Big” picture. I can say to her, “You are a creative artist” or “You are an imaginative designer." Four-Word Version This is supposed to be super-duper simple. An example is, “You’re a loving mother.” Here, “you are” just becomes “you’re." I want you to be thinking about short and sweet. Just give them the full acknowledgement and drop it there. By acknowledging someone else, you are giving them a word gift. It's an acknowledgement to who they are as a person. You are witnessing something good in them, a good skill, a good quality, or a good trait. How would you feel if you received one of these acknowledgments? Pretty darn good! You’d feel awesome!
Don’t Mess it Up Sometimes when I do this activity with clients or women in my Dynamic Woman Global Community, they want to add on, and add on, and add on more reasons. When you add on the reason why you said the acknowledgment, they might grab onto it and then make it untrue. For example, you go to an event that is really well put together and really well decorated. So you say to the host. “Thank you. You are a fantastic host.” This is a great acknowledgement and well received. But you don’t stop there, you mention the balloon decorations, the platters of food and the music. Now the host doesn't think they’re a great host because they ordered the balloons, the food was catered and your friend organized the music. And it may be fine if you want to maybe add one more adjective. You can say, “You’re a loving and caring friend.” But wouldn't it be nice to use one and make it the focal point or the center of it. You can also drop the title or role and just say, “You're so loving” or “You're so loyal.” But it sometimes helps to give a little context. For instance, if I said to a friend, “You’re so strong.” Is that physically strong, mentally strong, emotionally strong, or strong to get through things? On the other hand, if I said, “You're such a strong athlete.” We know it's physically strong. Giving the title gives some context. Be part of the solution In the beginning, I said that the world is starved for appreciation and recognition. If you are going to help to solve this problem, let's talk about what that would look like. Let's say someone had surgery that they had to face or they're going to be facing, and you said, “You're such a courageous woman,” left it at that, just let that land that's going to positively affect that person's circumstances.  It's going to start to squash and push down the saboteur’s negative thoughts and negative self-judgments and negative limiting beliefs that come up. Acknowledgements are so simple. I encourage you to look for opportunities to give these gifts. They don't cost a cent. With what's going on in the world today, we really need to be seen in a positive way. We need to be reinforced and given that energy of an acknowledgement from someone else and then that will ripple out to others. Maybe they then look to acknowledge others as well. Maybe you will start to get acknowledged more. When you do this in an authentic way, it builds positivity and awesomeness with you and that person. Answer these questions:
This is one aspect of pillar number six in my Dynamic You Program and book where I talk about being Magnetic. When you can do this to connect with others, to be more approachable, and to be positive, people will be drawn to you. This is how I said that you're going to be able to build your network. If you do this action every day, you're going to be able to attract more connections. You're going to build stronger relationships. If you have employees, you'll retain them longer. And overall, you will be happier. It doesn't cost you a thing to say these four or five words. I encourage you to do so. Let me know how many you could do in one day. Could you do 5? 10? A hundred? Let me know how it goes and let me know how the other person responded. How did you make them feel by giving them that acknowledgement? You don't have to ask them. Just check in with them. What do you notice? How did they receive it? I am a coach, a speaker, and I run the Dynamic Women Global Community. It's a place I love to go live. I love to give tips, tricks, and trainings on how to be more dynamic in all areas of life. This Online Facebook Group is a complimentary. You are welcome to join! I appreciate you. I appreciate you because without you being here to read my blogs, I couldn't do the work I do. Thank you very much. Here's a list of my related blogs:
1. I know where your hidden power is... 2. How to Easily Attract Your Dreams 3. 5 ways I am grateful for women who came before How did you get where you are? This is often a question that I receive. It hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows. If you’ve been listening to the Dynamic Women Podcast… If you’ve been reading my blogs… If you’ve been a client of mine… If you’ve been in the Dynamic Women Community… If you’ve been in one of my programs... It means we have spent time together. Especially if you’re a client, I know you quite well. Maybe I don't know your childhood story. Maybe I don't know how you got into what you did or what you're doing currently, but there's some merit in sharing. I’m going to go back a little bit to when I was a little girl. Why would I share a little bit more about myself? So you can learn about yourself. As I go through this, I want you to think of what you resonate with and what you can apply to your own life. The Beginning Ever since I was little, I have loved to teach. I also loved to talk as well, but teaching was something I was praised for. With speaking, I was told by my mom that if I spoke for a living, I’d be rich. This is because I spoke so much. Haha! I can’t blame my parents! I have two older brothers. They were four and eight years older. I was often told what to do or I'd run behind them doing my best to get them to play with me. Eventually, I found some friends in my neighborhood.
In school, the teacher would put the kids who struggled beside me, so I could help them understand things in a different way if they didn't catch on to how the teacher taught it.  I loved doing this. Using my creativity to teach it in a new way, that moment when they got it, the appreciation they felt, and how my teacher would continue to give me that responsibility... I then felt I was a leader. I went on to be my elementary school valedictorian, captain of sports teams, chair of clubs, and President of Student Council in high school. Again, using my communication, teaching, and leadership skills. This drove me to do double honors in English and Media Information and Technoculture (MIT) at The University of Western Ontario. I kept the door open to become an English teacher or a broadcast journalist. And I continued to play sports by being part of the varsity rugby team. Maybe you've been in that place of having two different passions. Two things you wanted to pursue. When you weren't sure which to pick, you just kept both doors open. That seemed to be a pattern for me through quite a bit of my youth. Working Diane After graduating, I spent three years in Japan, teaching ESL and doing narration work for companies like Toyota. And so there I was, teaching and speaking, and a little bit of leadership. When I returned, I did my ESL certification and started teaching right away in Toronto to immigrants. I loved that I wasn't just teaching them English, but a way of life. I was almost mentoring them in what they needed to do to be successful in starting their new life in Canada. When I moved to British Columbia from Ontario, for love, I started teaching for a company right away. I quickly moved up the ranks to become the head instructor who helped hire, train, and support the teachers and develop curriculum for the students. So again, I'm using my teaching, speaking, and leadership skills. I was living in a beautiful city, making lots of new friends. I got engaged to my boyfriend at the time and my desire to lead, teach, and speak were being rewarded in every possible way. This was about 12 years ago. Going Down Even with all of my success, why was I going home every night wanting to re-energize somehow, sitting on the couch, drinking wine, eating crappy foods. Maybe you've had that kind of situation where you're looking to escape. Even worse, I didn't care to exercise, and coming from the life of being a competitive athlete, a varsity rugby player, a soccer player, and a gym rat, it was crazy. I gained a lot of weight and that was really hard. I shut myself off from others. I was still going to Toastmasters and other commitments as I was just keeping up appearances, putting on a happy face or so I thought... Until one day my friend Rozz said, “Diane, what's up? You've lost your spark.” That was the moment where I couldn't hide it any longer. I knew something was missing. But I didn't know how to fix it. That was the time that I couldn't put on a brave face and just grin and bear it anymore. And the craziest thing was that people around me who really knew me, knew something was up! Then began some of the hardest times of my life. I didn't know what was wrong with me:
I didn't know what it was. I didn't know what was wrong with me or what was wrong with my life. I then postponed my wedding. But that wasn't it either! I was looking for something outside of me to make it all better. The Bottom Then one day, while at work, I hit the bottom. It was at that moment I realized I needed someone outside to help me to get some clarity on what I really wanted, what I needed to do, and how I could get there faster than on my own.  I got on Craigslist, and I typed in “life coach”. That's what everyone does at that moment, right? Haha! I just had an urge to do it. You won’t believe it, a girl in my area had posted only an hour before offering complimentary coaching to four people! The Turnaround I'm not going to go into too much detail about what happened next. But the Coles Notes version is that I did eventually marry that man. I left that job. I bought a house and we now have two beautiful children. I found my calling and started the coaching certification process very shortly after working with her and immersing myself in not only the program but applying everything I was learning by working with clients.
I had found my purpose and I finally was able to know the piece that was missing:
I'm so blessed to have been able to coach men and women from all over Canada, the United States, and beyond. I help them get back in tune with what really matters to them.
 Just like when I was little and sat beside those kids in school, I feel like the lucky one being able to blaze a trail and stand beside female business leaders coaching them to succeed. I've also become a mom to two kids, and am just so fulfilled that my business is in leading, building community, coaching and teaching, and doing it all my way, according to my values and my priorities. Can I ask you something? What was it that stood out for you? Was there some insight that you gained? Drop it in the comments. If you resonate with hitting the bottom…
Share with me. Let's set up a coaching session. I'll walk you through it. Another cool place that I love to hang out is my Dynamic Women Global Club. Join this community so we can spend more time together. I hope this gave you a little bit of insight into why I love to do what I do. There are definitely more stories and more things that have happened to me and for me in my life. They have shaped me and put me into positions and opportunities where I've been able to grow and stretch and have the life I do today. Read my other related blogs here:
1. 5 ways I am grateful for women who came before 2. How I Got My Butt Kicked 3. My biggest inspirations to create my life: Mom, Madonna & ME Have you ever thought of writing a book or being in a book? Do you know that saying “Yes” to an amazing opportunity could change your life forever? In this blog, I'm going to be sharing a little story from a client of mine who said “Yes” to an opportunity. The opportunity The opportunity was being in a collaborative book with me and other top thought leaders, experts, and dynamic women who are doing well in their industry or have a really cool story or experience to share.  Every year, I put out a Dynamic Women anthology or collaborative book, a compilation of stories that I've curated from amazing women. The first book was Dynamic Women® Success Secrets. All the women were sharing stories and secrets on success in whatever industry they're in, or whatever part of life they want to share from. Now, when I was working on the second book, the Dynamic Women® Confidence Secrets, I reached out to my authors to ask if they wanted to share the feelings they had in writing their piece or their experience in writing for the book. I really wanted to include some stories from these authors in one of my presentations coming up at a summit. The Response was so Touching What I said in the post was, “I really want to feature and highlight some of you. I'm also looking for authors who are appreciative of the opportunity to be in the book and how it has enhanced your life or helped you reach some success.” The response I got from one of the authors was just so very touching. One of the ladies said, “Hey, I really want to share because I thank you every day when I sit down to write my own book. My belief in myself and my ability to write has grown from that first seed planted by having the opportunity to share in the Dynamic Women Success Secrets book.” That was such a rewarding message to receive. She said that she was going to send me a letter explaining this even further. And what was really cool was I didn't expect the extensive and deep response that I got. Planting a seed But first of all, I want you to think, have you had someone plant a seed, just kind of drop a little idea or a little nudge to get you going in that direction?  Maybe you think you couldn't do it yourself. Maybe you're currently in that situation where you're thinking, “Oh my gosh, do I take the leap? Do I do it? Do I go for it?” Her letter Read her letter. Then, you can come up with your own answer of should if you do it or not. From Paula Kent: “I had always dreamt of writing a book; I found joy in reading aloud when I was little. A secret activity allowing me to share in the words and to experience how my favourite authors pieced together the stories that captivated me. I imagined I could join their ranks, to write a great story, but fear and my own self-doubt locked away my hopes. I pushed it down, not wanting to risk others telling me I couldn't do it, and to be honest, taking any step to bring my dream back into the light scared me. It was my choice to enter graduate school, which had me pull that dream out of hiding. While I was writing in an academic style, the action of thought generation and word choice dusted off the childhood dream, and I once again found that spark joy. Yet, I never polished that dream; it was enough to write for school. To go deeper into that dream never occurred to me, an unspoken and unrealized fear held me back. It was an email that changed all that, one email inviting me to find out more, and participate in an anthology and share my success secrets. Thoughts rocketed around in my mind; success? Write? What? It was the idea that Diane thought I had something to share, more than any inner confidence that led me to attend that first information session. What I heard excited me; my dream of writing and of being an author, oh it grew legs and burst wide open. Just imagining that someone would read my words, it was an intoxicating pull. I joined, so happy to have received the opportunity… and then self- doubt arrived. Self-doubt reigned, joined by fear; the gamut of emotions was intense, almost paralyzing me. But now that the dream was out in the open; I kept coming back to it. I would sit with my vision, thinking about writing and imagining how it would feel to hold a book in my hand. A book that contained my words, a small piece of my truth, and I knew that I had to write something or else that dream would disappear, and this time it might not come. That was my motivation – the fear of losing my dream again. As a child when we don't follow our dreams, they go to sleep, they will stick around and stay with us. As an adult, when the dream is staring at you, if you don't walk forward through your fears, it might just leave for good. That was my motivation. I couldn't risk losing my dream again. So I wrote, too many words, many many iterations, and my computer trash grew. When it happen, when I found the idea which resonated, I didn't have to chase it; it flowed. The day I picked up the Success Secrets was sunny and glorious, I cried tears of joy and of pride at what I had contributed. I also knew that I wanted to experience it again. My trajectory changed. I am living my dream - I am currently writing my first book.” Wasn’t that amazing to read?! I might have shed a tear and my heart was bursting with pride and joy. Now, it’s your turn. Questions to ask yourself I ask you:
I don't usually share a letter from someone else. I don't share someone else's words. At least not to that extent, maybe just a quote or two. But this woman, this author once and soon to be twice, she said “Yes”.
She didn't let that die. She didn't ignore it. She listened. And key thing, she took action.  I ask you to look at your life and think, “Am I saying YES to the deep things that I want or am I settling? Am I too afraid to go for what I want? Or are there people around me that could help me?” All you need to do today is to say “Yes.”
Just say yes and claim it. You're going to hear more of this woman. I know it. I'm seeing the growth that she's having. Paula Kent will have her book published in a few weeks. If you want to say “Yes” If you…also have a profound story of how you've said “Yes” to someone giving you an opportunity or said “Yes” to a seed that was planted. If you…want to be able to say “Yes”. If you…want to have clarity about what is it that you have to do. If you…want the confidence to know that you can take that next step. If you…want to be able to get into action, real action, and be accountable and be able to move forward in an easy and efficient way… Reach out to me at [email protected]. You may also check out author opportunities at my website if you want to learn more about how to easily be an author with my team’s help. Just say yes and you never know where it may take you!
Have you ever thought, “Maybe I should be taking on more… maybe I should be doing more things that scare me?” American Journalist, Chicago Tribune Columnist, and Pulitzer Prize winner, Mary Schmich, has a quote that I actually live by. She says, “Do one thing every day that scares you." I absolutely love this quote. It means you're growing since we're often fearful of things that we haven't done or things that stretch us. Be open to new things and change by welcoming one thing every day that scares you. You’ll grow your ability to adapt. You’ll grow or increase your risk tolerance and grow yourself. Is that always the case? I want to let you know that I believe that now might not be the time to be doing this. It might be better to pull back on implementing this way of life, at least for me, and maybe it's also true for you.  The world is in a bit of chaos. I’m sure you know what I mean:
We’re changing just generally how we go through life. So much of our way of life is being dictated by the pandemic and by the government. Psychologists say we're in a mild fight or flight response to life right now, which is causing our adrenal glands to go into overdrive. Our cortisol shoots up. Our bodies feel the stress ALL. THE. TIME. Unlike other stressors in life that come and go, we get this mild stress through life every day.  This whole idea of doing something each day that scares you can also have the same effect, though it would be a lower dose of stress, depending on the activity, because obviously, skydiving probably doesn't count. But if you're already feeling off right now, finding that you can't focus, struggling to get things done, and you're overwhelmed easily, listen up. Now is not the time to challenge yourself with what scares you. It's not even the time to push yourself beyond your limits. It's just not worth the damage it can do to your emotional health, physical body, and even your confidence. You see a stressed body gets sicker easier because your immune system is down. But you know that. When you're stressed, you have a harder time being creative, visionary, and dealing with obstacles which are three qualities that are helpful when doing something that scares you or even just having a successful life. Now, how do I know? Well, I tend to push myself beyond the limits in many situations. This time I figured it out. Back in July of 2020, I went to Ontario for a scheduled visit. I was already feeling off with the whole COVID-19 situation, and I had to make changes in my business. I was dealing with the kids being home since March and any parent or caregiver knows how hard that is to have them be off AND still run your business. Then my father went into palliative care. So then added on to everything else, I'm dealing with my father's death approaching. I was unsure of a lot of things:
I basically canceled everything that brought me mental stress. But I went into overdrive with things that stressed my body physically:
It felt good to get my mind off of what was happening. It felt good to still achieve. And then nine days later, my father passed away. With pushing myself physically, I got a weird rash on my arms and legs. I thought it was poison ivy or poison oak because mom had poison ivy earlier in the spring. But was it stress? You see, the places where I was scratched from the berry bushes started up first. But once I was days away from the garden and had cream even for the rash, it continued to spread. Then I picked up a cold and I had to get tested for coronavirus. Even though it was negative, I wasn’t able to kick the cold symptoms. They just kept lingering. Now, as a past varsity rugby player and a competitive soccer player, I know the importance of resting a stressed muscle, a rolled ankle, and being kind to my body after a tough game. But why don't we do this with our emotional health? Because maybe we don't see it? Because it doesn't swell up and hurt the same way? But I know that I would never go and play a game with a broken leg, would you?  You make your own call If you have life fairly balanced and you want to stretch yourself, then take Mary's quote and do one thing every day that scares you. Or maybe you decide to do it just once a month or once a week. Again, it's your call. But if you're feeling overwhelmed, unfocused, and then you can't handle anymore, then don't. Because I won't be for now as I come up to the one year anniversary of my Father’s passing. I won't be living according to this quote. I won't be taking on things that scare me every day. But trust me, I'll keep assessing when I can because I have so many things that I want to do in this big, beautiful world. P.S. If you can relate to what I shared today and want to process your emotions more or come up with some really cool things to do that scare you, and have accountability for, reach out to me. You can email me at [email protected]. Read more of my related blogs here:
Do you feel tired? Do you not feel like yourself? Yes, I’ve experienced that too. I’ll talk about the ONE thing that I do every year that helps me to run on full cylinders. What happened to me I’m so passionate about this topic because like most women out there, I tend to push through being tired and not feeling myself. I’m thinking, “I’m a coach! I should be able to get through this, right?” I do motivation tactics, scheduling strategies, have cheerleaders, and use all the other approaches on myself! Nothing could help me! There was something I didn’t know. This happened after my first child and AGAIN after my second child. It also happened last year. People said to me:
 But it got to the point that I was sleeping eight hours a night, and I'm still friggin tired! I’m still not myself! They’d tell me, “That’s just how it is.” Well, no. It doesn’t have to be how it is. It’s not just about right after kids. Like last year, my children are already six and nine. It definitely wasn't just after kids that I was feeling off. People told me that maybe I was feeling off because I was dealing with a lot of responsibility at that time and it’s no wonder I was feeling stressed and lacked motivation. I call BS. Months later, I got on a virtual appointment with a doctor and I was told, “Well, you feel bad because of Coronavirus.” I'm NOT going to take that as the answer. More people are suffering from:
So what was it? and what did I do? Reflecting on how I was acting I realized I was trying to push myself and my body. I was feeling shame and frustration on how I wasn’t able to do what I wanted to do. I feel awkward in conversation, and I just didn't really want to go out and see people. It wasn’t until I saw a Naturopath and got my full blood work done that I got the answer. With that blood work, I learned that it’s because of low iron, low B, high cortisol, and hormones being off. Getting that answer was such a big relief to know that I wasn't sucking as a person!  I see this in my women clients all the time. They just don't have that spark in life, that mojo about them. There could be a number of reasons:
When we make those things better and get them in alignment, when that happens and we still don't feel awesome, that's when the focus turns back on ourselves! But we’re afraid to say, “I don't feel like myself. I don't feel amazing. There's something not right here.” They're suffering. Could it just be fixed with some iron? Could it just be fixed with B vitamins? I had postpartum depression with both my kids, but I didn't have the right symptoms. I wasn't ready to run out on my family. I wasn't crying all the time. But I felt awkward in conversations, and I didn't feel like myself! I went from organizing tons of stuff to not even caring to go out. It felt good when the answer came, “You feel like crap because you don't have enough iron, enough B, your cortisol is super high, and your hormones are off.” When I went and got that support after each of my kids, I was like, “Oh really? I’m so relieved!” I took what I had to take. It doesn’t mean I felt better within 15 minutes. It was a process. I needed to make adjustments with my doctor in order to feel good. I was back! But I had suffered for a year. Recently, I've been suffering for months. I’m not feeling right, but I was thinking, “Oh it’s because the kids are at home and are frustrating me.” Then I got my bloodwork done and HOLY MOLY my iron is even lower than last year. It’s crazy low! My doctor said that is why I was feeling off, feeling tired, didn’t have energy, it was hard to focus, I didn’t have my mojo, etc. I’m gaining weight, too! The fact is if I just take a pill in the morning, a couple of supplements, a couple of vitamins, I'm going to feel way better! And it's true because once I start taking these things, I do feel better. Why am I telling this to you? I feel sorry for the people who have other people diminish how they're feeling, and tell them:
They say all this crap. BUT instead, it could just be fixed by getting your blood taken, having some reports run, and then finding out where you're truly at. It's this place of diminishing how people feel, making them feel like they are wrong for it, and having them push through. If you are not running on full cylinders inside, how do you expect yourself to run on full cylinders on the outside? The original reason why I went to the Naturopath was I thought, “I need to eat better because I'm tired. I need to eat better because I'm not losing weight.” If you are feeling off, get your blood work checked. Do it. I know there are people also being diagnosed with depression and given meds for depression. I'm totally for that if that is for you. I'm totally for that if you need it, but I know that based on my journey, I was offered it and honestly didn’t need it. I just needed a doctor to check the right labs and the right supplements. Wouldn't you want to get your body rebalanced before introducing anything else? (Note: I’m not a doctor. I’m not giving you any medical advice. You need to talk to a registered doctor. My favorite is a Naturopath because they spend extra time with you and because they are able to do extra tests.) Your doctor will tell you what Vitamin B you’d take, and it’s like the happy pill that's gonna put you back on track potentially. You up your iron then your energy comes up. I’m just a few days into taking B and just started taking iron again, and I know it’s going to be a trajectory up for me.  I looked at my reports, and I understand now what happens and my numbers are lower than last year. If I've been going for a whole year, even lower than I was last year, man, no wonder things have just felt harder. No shame, right? I feel so much better when I'm balanced... so much better. Some of my clients are taking the Dynamic Balance Program with me. I tell them, we can balance your life, we can get you a plan, we can have your Dynamic Life Blueprint set. But if you are off inside, it's gonna be that much harder. If you are off, ideas might not stick. You might not be able to maintain it. What happens is, we then turn around and judge ourselves for not being good enough, focused enough, motivated enough, smart enough whatever it might be. Again, I’m not a doctor. I'm not telling you to go buy iron because it is not good to take iron if you don't need it. I'm not saying to go take B and D. I'm not saying that. I'm saying, go and talk to a specialist who will let you know how you're doing on the inside. This is what everyone needs to do every year. I just felt bad thinking about people out there suffering. The thing is, when you are off on the inside, you might not know. But you push through. It’s a slow drop. You could feel just .01% worse each day. So you don't really notice it, right? Then eventually you're like, “I'm not where I like not feeling awesome.” But again, you're like:
If any of those are true for you, go get your blood work done. Ask for a professional's support you to see what you need so that you can really take care of yourself. So you can go into the world, make a difference, live your passion, work your mission, whatever it may be. Before you take on the world or even a small task, make sure that you are where you need to be on the inside.
Read my other blogs here: 1. My Laptop Sent me a Message 2. This is my biggest problem... 3. Is Your Business Taking Over Your Life? What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? When you’re in situations like:
 There are immediate actions that you can take or do to prepare for this happening so that you can stay on top of things and not be overwhelmed. Last year, my father passed away. When that happened, I wasn’t able to do my other tasks such as podcasting because I needed to take care of myself and frankly, I didn’t care about any business tasks. Even answering an email felt like a big task. The only thing I could do well and feel like myself was coaching. In reflection, it's not just about taking care of yourself, it's knowing what to do when life gets overwhelming. How can you prepare for this? I want you to know what to do. How you could feel Life changes in many ways. Problems arise. Problems like:
After life changes in these ways, you can have many feelings. You feel overwhelmed, stressed, annoyed, frustrated, angry, or lost. For me, it was lower patience! I just didn’t have patience with my children. I had to do some mommy timeouts! What is this causing us? Imagine you're juggling all 10 areas of life. You're juggling the kids, your marriage, your house, your health, etc. When one of those balls becomes heavier or more demanding, you tend to drop the other balls!  The issue with dropping the balls is that some of them are made of glass. When you drop them, they will break! When you drop them, you are going to have trouble. You're going to have potentially long-lasting negative effects from it. For instance, when you end up dropping a ball, you’re breaking relationships, losing some clients in your business, not responding to emails, not being prepared for a presentation, not landing a client because you’re showing up in a different way, etc. You don't want that to happen. I know I didn’t. Why this could happen + the negativities So why do you struggle? You struggle because one area of life that's only supposed to be a certain size has now become bigger. When it's bigger, it takes more of your time. It takes more of your mental capacity. This can happen at work, whether you're in a nine to five or a business. When you're working harder in your business or in your job, you have less time for your health, you're not sleeping as well, you're eating poorly, you don't see your friends, you're not eating properly, etc. All these negative things come in! When you're not at your peak in your performance or in your health, it starts to affect confidence and it affects your ability to deal with challenges, it lowers your brain capacity, and how well you can complete your tasks.  You struggle because there's limited time and limited mental capacity that you have. Plus, the emotional strain. You may have encountered a problem and you’re not solid emotionally. You’re not where you need to be. That affects you in many other areas. What you can do to get going Ideally, you have this prepared in advance, so you know what to do when s$&t hits the fan. When life gets crazy and you feel like it’s too much, you just need to stop and think:
At that moment, you might think that you need to sleep, take care of your kids, or finish a project. For you, those are the three things that need to happen. There, you’ve just decided on the most important balls. Those are the glass balls that you can’t drop. The cool thing is, you can let all the other things sit on the back burner. You don't have to worry about them. You can take them off your plate. You don't even have to think about them. When my dad got sick, I set aside some tasks:
I focused on my family, my well-being, and my clients. I checked in with my husband and friends a little bit, but everything else I let go. This is called MAINTENANCE MODE! Go into maintenance mode. What do you need to just maintain your life? This is not meant to be long-term, but if you're experiencing this right now, what areas of life are super important at the moment that you need to prioritize? What I see in my 1:1 clients is they get into chaos. They are trying to juggle every single ball as if they're all glass balls, but they're not. YOU CAN DROP SOME! Your house can be dirty. You don't have to make every meal from scratch. Your landscaping can slide. Maybe you do prioritize your marriage, your health, your kids, or whatever it may be for you. You need to figure out what maintenance mode is for you. Usually, that's three or four areas of life. (Note: different maintenance mode times will need different areas of life.) Here are the different areas of life to help you choose:
Decide which three or four areas that you need your focus. I encourage you to devise a plan for when things get crazy and when you can't juggle everything anymore.  If you already know what you're going to do when s$&t hits the fan, it's so much easier. You can just go on autopilot. You have a plan you can rely on. Remember: You can say “no” to say “yes.” It means you:
Let me know what was most important for you in what I shared today. If you'd like to make your maintenance mode plan and go through your Wheel of Life, or if you need to process a challenge on your life, then reach out to me. Email me at [email protected]. Read my other blogs here:
1. Overwhelm with Overwhelmed 2. The Price We Pay for Our Decisions 3. The Power of Baby Steps Many of us receive direct messages from people we don’t know (or just met) on Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, and other social media sites. I receive A LOT of these. One thing that I notice with them is that their messages sound salesy or like a pitch, especially with new connections. If you’re wanting to DM people, I will answer two questions in this blog:
 There are a few kinds of questions that I receive on my DMs: 1. Open-Ended Questions Have you received any of these messages:
I hate these kinds of questions because it puts the pressure on me to get things going. I’m then entering into a full conversation with someone who I don't know and I don't know why they're trying to reach out to me. These questions are so open-ended, and I don’t know how to reply. I can reply “Good” or “Great” then they’d ask “What do you do?” Well, if this person looked at my profile, they would know what I do. Don't make me work because you want to talk to me. If you're going to reach out to someone, say more. 2. Unsolicited Offers Have you received messages like:
Who doesn't want good things for their business? Who doesn't want these things? But it doesn't mean that I'm ready to enter into a sales conversation with you about it because I don't know you. So you have to ask yourself, “What are you leading with when you're messaging people?” Because when people lead with optimizing my website, increasing my Google ranking, or whatever, I am not shopping for that. Your first message should not be a solicitation. You should not be offering to help me for a fee in that first message. I did not request solicitation in my inbox. I also receive messages like:
Well, how do you know that my community wants it? Right, you're leading with your own offer. You're not leading with anything that I should care about. This is something you have to think about. What are you leading with? Are you leading with your own agenda? Or are you leading with something that would actually be for them?  3. “I love… The other thing that I often see is people saying:
That type of message could be almost for anyone in the world. But if you’re going to say such things, be specific! For instance, if you want to be on the Dynamic Women Podcast, send me an email that says something like, “Hey, I love what you're doing. I listened to Episode 34 about changes for the new year! I love the five things that you shared! I totally resonate with this piece.” If you message me something along these lines, it would show me that you actually took the time to consume some of my content and get to know me. 4. No “No Big Deal” Sometimes, people send things like:
This is okay because I have permission to not answer her. However, sometimes what'll happen is people will send that but not the “no big deal.” And then they'll come in again and like, “Hey, you didn't reply to my message” or “Hey, I'm sending this again because you haven't replied.” If that's through my business page on Facebook and I don’t reply to their spam, that messes up my response rates! You might ask, “If they want to friend request you and you don’t know them, then what's the point of accepting their friend request?” Good question. My response to this is as a business owner and speaker who is in the public eye quite a bit, I will say yes to their friend request if:
I’m trusting that they're good people and we should be connected. If you want to accept a friend request from someone, then you need to make the decision if that is a good decision for you or not. Have your own criteria for accepting friend requests. Your being salesy happens when you lead with your own agenda. You’ll come off as kind of awkward and weird in messages when you don't have a clear intention or you're not trying to connect with the person. So the keyword here is CONNECTION. Connect with the person. And so in order to connect with someone, you need to have a topic that is worthy of connecting about. If you want to connect with them, you've got something specific that you can say or to talk about THEM, not talk about YOU. I don't know how many times I've had someone email me and the email tells me how awesome they are. One of the easiest ways to connect is to acknowledge the person in a true way for something that you admire about them, that you like about them, or that you want to compliment them for. Acknowledge them for something and then speak about what's in it for them. Here’s the question recap...
Now here are some tips you can do to NOT sound salesy: 1. Get on people’s radar first. Go like some of their posts, comment on them and/or share some of their content. When people do this on my stuff, I do notice! If someone shares my content and I realize they've shared it, I will thank them. Then I’ll be more receptive when they DM me.  2. Find out what’s important to them. Not what you think is important, but actually what is important to them. You'll find out what's important to them by listening to some of their videos, their audios, and their podcasts. Or by reading stuff on their website and their bio. 3. Don’t make them do all the work. Don’t just say “How are you?” That's an annoying start to a conversation (unless I know them). Instead, tell me what you want to talk about. Acknowledge their work, and be detailed in the message. Refer to something that they have done and just come from a place of serving them first, and then they'll potentially reciprocate. These are the things you can do to not come across as salesy and pitchy in direct messenger. Now, how are you going to show up differently? Diane P.S. I have to take my own words of wisdom here. Sometimes I try to get straight to the point with people without connecting. That's my A-type. It’s a learning curve!
Want to get on my radar? Comment below or subscribe and/or review my Dynamic Women Podcast! Read my other blogs here: There is ONE thing that a lot of women do that feels good but hurts them - it’s putting other people's agendas before their own. It's saying “yes” to others before they say “yes” to themselves.  The sad thing is, I see women do this all the time.
I constantly see women putting others ahead of themselves. Side note:
But I'm talking about this unbalance when these statements are true:
And when it gets to that extreme level, it means you take care of other people to honor their values before you honor your own values. So how does this look? Imagine yourself in these two true situations that I heard from my clients. True Story 1: I have a client who is a very loving Mom. The trouble was she wasn’t able to go away on the weekend because her daughter kept dropping her dog off at her house. It was happening a lot and for long periods of time and that meant that this client of mine wasn't able to have the freedom that she wanted. She missed out on so many invites for dinner dates, outings, and trips because the dog couldn’t be left alone. This made her resent her daughter. True Story 2: A client of mine is a very successful personal trainer who has clients in different areas of the city. My client said yes to serving a retired couple at 9am which was a time that worked best for them, which meant my client was travelling through the city during rush hour. Also, she was already serving people in that area later in the day and so it meant she was travelling there twice. This caused her to miss out on adding in another training hour. It took her a lot more time to travel and caused her much stress. If you give all day, there is nothing left for you. When you're busy fulfilling everyone else's agenda before your own, you’ll have nothing left to give. And then along with not focusing on your own agenda, you're also missing out on fulfilling your own dreams. Yes, we need to care for others. And yes, we need to help others, but not to the detriment of ourselves. If we have time for ourselves, our cup gets filled. If we can do the things we want to do, our cup gets filled. If we honor our own priorities, our cup gets full. When our cup is full and overflowing into the saucer that is under the cup, we have more than enough to give. By serving our own needs, wants, priorities, and goals, we then can bless others with the time, energy, and money that we have. When you make more money, you can give more money. When you have more time, you can give more time.  I will leave you with a list of questions that you can ask yourself so you can fill your own cup:
 In the past, I've been known to go out of my way to help others so much that I suffered. And I see it in women all the time. I hope it doesn’t happen to you so have a hard look at how you’re doing and answer those questions. Post your comments about what insights this gave you. We are taught to care. We are taught to give. We are taught to serve. We also need to be taught boundaries and making ourselves a priority. And we can help others once we are feeling enough… once we are filled up... once we have enough to be in a position to be able to give. Read my other blogs:
1. Overwhelmed with Overwhelm 2. Sometimes You Gotta Say No 3. 4 Crucial Questions About Your Life Path I’ve struggled in my business at different times. I thought I was making the right decisions based on what others had suggested, but the problem was they weren’t actually doing what they shared with me.  I was constantly reviewing and making changes. Of course those mistakes were really learning opportunities. But the thing is, what if you just knew how to NOT make those mistakes? What I learnt is how quickly you decide to make a change and how fast you take action actually determines how successful you're going to be. If you can't make changes when problems come or you stay in the wrong decision for too long, then you're going to have more negative outcomes. As a coach, they don't teach us how to run a coaching business. So, I did these things: 1. I joined a networking group. Networking groups are great, but the problem was that the networking group I was in wasn't giving me a strong level of information that I needed on how to run a business that's in alignment with me. 2. I hired a good business coach. It was really great working with her. She helped me with business foundations, but I was missing that group interaction. I want a group of people, especially women, to come together and we can move our businesses forward together and I can get some information. 3. I joined a Mastermind. I joined a mastermind, but I wasn’t getting that high-level strategy that I needed from it. This mastermind was self-led wherein the participants were to lead it. I was the only coach and facilitator in the group. I ended up having to run it. That just felt weird. I started to feel like the coach, where I'm not able to chill and relax and just be part of this experience. And so I thought to myself, that's off. That's not right.  4. I had an accountability group. I thought maybe I just need a little accountability group to get things going and help me get things happening. But I realized, these people are not doing what they said they would do. And it was quite frustrating for me because at the time, I was pregnant. I was spending more of my time there coaching them how to reach their goals, and how to actually do what they were supposed to do. It was frustrating. That level of accountability wasn't there. I had a networking group, a coach, a mastermind group, and an accountability partner. They were all serving partial needs for me, but none of it was like fully encompassing all of my needs. It takes a lot of time to attend four different events. It was costing me time and brainpower. Each of them had its own set of requirements and expectations. I couldn't keep my head straight with all those things. It was also costing me money! What I wanted was ONE single track to put my business train on. To be able to just go to one group of people and have them serve all of my needs and get my business moving forward so that I am not wasting my time, energy, mind power, and money. Why isn't there something where a group of people can have the following aspects: 1. Networking - We get together and have networking opportunities. We start referring each other and can use each other's services. 2. Accountability - We can have accountability with someone in charge. Having an actual facilitator, coach, or someone in charge of that accountability can lead to better results so that the participants don't have to hold each other accountable. 3. Mastermind - In some groups, certain people take more time because the time isn’t being managed. When there’s a facilitator to facilitate the timing, everyone gets their time. It's not just the power of the group, but I want someone in charge that knows so many different things. 4. Coaching - Having someone in that group who can coach. The cool thing is, as they're coaching someone else in the group, you can learn so much, too. By being coached in front of others, you also have that feeling of we're in this together.  Which of those four pieces do you like the most? You can have networking, accountability, mastermind, and a coach for your life as well in your business. In my next blog, I will share with you the ONE step I took that helped me achieve more, stay focused, and get new opportunities. You can also read my other blogs:
1. The Price We Pay for Our Decisions 2. Hire Help: 1 of 5 Tactics to get more done in life or business (Part 1) 3. 5 Tactics to get more done in life or business (Part 2) |
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