|
Have you ever felt like you've given your power away? Maybe you didn't even know you were doing it until someone pointed it out. That happened to me recently, but you know what, you can stop giving all your power away.  What is “IT” I didn't give you specifics in this blog title because I didn't want the IT that I felt or happened to me recently to be the thing that stops you from reading. Here are some examples of what that IT could be (what we could be giving our power to). It can be:
How IT showed up in my soccer team I saw someone on my soccer team give their power away to an opponent. The person on the other team was being lippy. If you're in competitive sports, you know people try to get under your skin and when they can get under your skin, it throws you off your game because you're so focused on them and…
His can cause you to not play your game as you normally would. In walking off the field, a player on my team was really giving away her power by talking about all the things about this opponent, instead of resting and/or being in the moment of camaraderie around how well we did that first half. She was complaining. Instead of listening to the coach with the strategy for the next half, she was not just complaining, but oozing negativity, and it was starting to impact me to the point where I said, “I get it. You're frustrated. But let's leave that on the field and let's start fresh here.” How IT happened to me recently Now that's not what happened to me recently. But this is how someone in a certain situation could give away their power. Maybe you give away your power to someone who puts you down.
You give away your power, and you don't show up powerfully at that moment. What was shocking for me is the thing that I was giving my power away to on this particular morning was a piece of glass, a little bit of digital electronics, and some metal. I was giving my power away to a scale.  Now for some of you, you know that I've been on this health journey. To give you a timeline: On May 5th, I hurt my knee. I tore my lateral meniscus while playing soccer. The sport that I've played since I was probably four. I love it so much. One of the only things that we can really do for this type of injury is to strengthen the muscles around it, do physio, and lose weight. The other option is just don't play soccer anymore. For me, that's just not an option. I just love it too much, and I gave up rugby earlier than I wanted to. On June 5th, I decided that I would start working with a coach. Her name's Nicole Doumont. (If you want a personal introduction, I can give that to you. If you want to just reach out to her, just say I sent you so that she knows you're one of my connections, and she'll treat you extra special.) I started working with a coach because I believe that if we really want something in our lives, we need to work with a coach to get there. I know what to eat. I know what to do. But she had different strategies for me, accountability, support, acknowledgments, and could troubleshoot for me. She could do all of that. I started working with her, and I've been on this amazing journey where I've been just getting rid of so much weight. I'm probably down to about 40 pounds now, which is phenomenal. I'm really excited about it. I'm feeling great. I did a podcast episode on how I lost 20 pounds, but I think by the time that came out, I lost another five pounds. But anyway, just a few weeks ago, on Thursday, I had Pilates and soccer practice. Then on Friday night, I had a soccer game, and then we did a double that weekend, so back to back games. We played then on Sunday morning. At the end of Friday's game, both my calves seized muscle cramps, and I had to go off at the last minute. I was very worried that I wouldn't be able to play on Sunday. I was very scared about that like, “Oh my gosh, how can I physically do this? Can my knee handle something else, a fourth thing in such a short period of time?” It was actually great. I had an amazing game. I did so well. I was so proud of myself. Now, this is based on my limited capacity right now. I was really happy with how I did in spite of my knee. So, where did I give my power away? Well, I had started feeling great physically and athletically. I came home and I went and grabbed my kids, and we cleaned up all the leaves at the front of our house. Then I went and helped my daughter clean her room. I was high on endorphins. Life was good. I was feeling good about myself. I had hope again - hope that I could do well at soccer. Then I woke up in the morning, the scale said I gained three pounds. What? But I exercised? What? But I did all these extra things. What is going on? I am physically getting better and stronger. My knee is not inhibiting me as much. How come I gained weight? I was so pissed. I was upset. I was frustrated. At first, it was frustration and anger, and then it turned into sadness, complete sadness for how I jumped up again. There was a special number that I crossed over. It was like a goal of mine to cross over this specific number, and I got back over that number. I was really upset, and I came down and my husband was home and I hugged him and I just started crying. I went from such a high to such a low that I messaged Nicole, “I went up yesterday, and today I'm over again. Is this because I over-exercised?” and I shared about the different things. “That's the only difference from the plan. I'm still working on having more water, getting better sleep, and these have never affected my weight previously. And so what's going on? Is there a whoosh coming?” (Whoosh means a big drop) She thanked me for being open with her. This is again why it's good to have a coach so you can go and bring your mess to them. She said, “Definitely could have been overexercising.” I did actually end up missing a meal too. I didn't skip a meal on purpose. I missed a meal just based on the timing and I said, “Yeah, you know, I felt so great yesterday at soccer. Maybe it was so much soccer in the four days. I thought my knee wouldn't be good, but it was, and it gave me hope for the future.” The other thing I was proud of myself for is that our soccer coach on Friday night bought pitchers of beer and I didn't touch them. I had club soda and lime and, my team members had chicken wings and nachos and fries. I didn't have any of that. I had a salad and a burger wrapped in lettuce. I was so frustrated. It made me think (this is where we get in the screw-it mentality), “Why did I bother not having beer on Friday since I gained weight anyway?” It makes us have these doubts. When we give the power to something, it makes us doubt ourselves, potentially we’ll get off of course. One thing that she said to me was, “Don't give the scale all the power.” I said, “Don't give the scale all the power. Hell yeah!” Okay, I've snapped out of it. I realized I was giving this digital number on a piece of glass, plastic, and metal the power. Like, what the hell? I have dropped over 30 pounds. I'm feeling better. I just had an amazing weekend of sports. Give the power to the progress!  What is your IT I ask you now, what is IT for you? Where are you giving your power away?
What happens when we give up this power? It stops you from making progress. I was ready to say screw it. I was so ticked. Like what's the point, right? I got into a little pity party with myself. When you give away your power, it stops you from believing in yourself. It can take away hope. It can make you say, “Screw it.” It can make you give up. It could have pushed me to go and binge. It’s not what I would normally do. But it might make me go on to say, “I'm going to eat everything because it doesn't matter.” I’d give up on my goal. The Solution What can we do so we don't get into this place of giving away all of our power? #1: We ask ourselves, “Where do I give away my power?” Or the question could be:
Sometimes I feel like I'm dumbing myself down in rooms where people are very successful because I feel like I've still so much to learn, but so do they. I maybe don't stand in my brilliance. I don't own the successes that I've had. #2: When you figure out where you’re giving your power away, also ask yourself, “What is that costing me?” For me, if I really fed into this, this could have cost me my progress. It could have cost me a few weeks. It could have cost me this whole goal of losing weight and being able to play soccer. #3: Ask yourself, “Where do I want to put my power instead?” Hopefully, the answer is yourself. #4: The next question is, “What am I going to do about it? Now that I know this… now that I have this information, what am I going to do about it?  Wrapping Up If you're in a position of giving your power away, I really hope you have someone like Nicole - a coach or someone who can call you out and say,
I've had moments in my life where I've had people badmouth me. People talk behind my back. Not get promotions. Am I going to give that all the power? No. Have you ever had someone say “no” to you when you are trying to sell? Have you ever had someone choose to hire someone else when you know you're better? Have you ever missed out on an opportunity? Yeah, but that doesn't mean that that takes all of your power away. Instead, it should fuel you. The word coming out of your mouth is “Next”.
For me, it was “Next day”. Next day, and next day, and next day, and next day where I'm choosing to have a healthier life. Because I know it's what I want. Usually, when you give your power away, it is not for things that you want. I encourage you to take a hard look at every area of your life, every situation, every person, and ask yourself:
What I wish for you is that those around you actually boost your power and evolve your power. There's a thing that Brendon Burchard said when I was at his Experts Academy, “Power plants don't have energy, they create it.” So the same thing you can think about is maybe you feel like you don't have the power. Well, power plants don't have the power, they generate it themselves. They create it. What I encourage you to do is if you're feeling a little bit powerless, is to start generating power for yourself. Make those strong decisions. Even if it's, “What am I having for breakfast?” Rather than an energy of, “I don’t know, maybe I'll see what someone else is having.” Why don't you just decide? Tap into what you want, and choose to have that for yourself. Stop giving “it” all the power, whatever “it” is. Don't give your power away and step into what you really want. I trust that there are some points here that made sense for you. I would love to see that in a comment or if it's a little bit too personal, feel free to reach out [email protected] and let me know how this blog impacted you. P.S. A place I love to hang out, go live, and ask cool questions is my Dynamic Women Global Community Facebook Group. I’d love for you to be a part of that group! It’s free to join. :) Read my other blogs:
0 Comments
Coaches have coaches, and I've always believed in the power of continuous personal and professional growth. A few weeks ago, my own coach took me on a transformative journey during my visit to LA. In this blog post, I’ll share what this experience meant to me, how it happened, and where it's leading me.  How it happened My coach shifted me a few weeks ago. I feel like a new person right now, and a little bit like, finally, I'm coming into this place where I really want to be. It's not to say that the past few years or the past 12 years are not where I wanted to be. But there's been a lot of evolving. I wrote another blog called The Change is Coming, and the funny thing is I didn’t know what the change would be, only that it was coming. I hadn't been able to put my finger on exactly what it is. As someone who is A-type, driven, and decisive, this has been so frustrating and so annoying to not be able to pinpoint what it is. I've had sessions with other coaches, and we just haven't hit the nail on the head. It's been annoying, and really frustrating. When I went into this two-day mastermind in LA, I thought what I was looking for was some clarity on my 2024 strategy with my current offerings:
I wasn't looking for a personal shift, but it had to happen. As I said before, the change is coming. It is coming, and the change is feeling like it's seriously been happening since 2019. It was before COVID-19 that I felt off in a way. I was shifting but, I didn't know what that meant, that I’m changing, and there's this new thing to bring forth. But without the clarity of what it actually was, I struggled. I have this client who listened to the podcast episode of the Change is Coming, and she was so excited. In our next one-on-one session, she wanted to get the behind-the-scenes scoop, the “what was really happening” or the “what was I alluding to”. The funny thing is I didn't have the clarity.  A lot of the work I do with my clients is around three phases:
You need clarity on what you want and clarity on what that looks like. Then, when you decide that you’re going to do it, you start to build confidence with the support of me as your coach. Then, when you start to get into action, the confidence boosts even more, and the clarity comes in even clearer. When you're in action, it's exciting and great because you're moving forward toward your goal. In my case, I couldn't get into the confidence and action piece because the clarity was lacking. I've been looking for it since 2019, and I believe that it was unlocked that weekend. I knew there was something bigger for me. It all comes from this place around working with high-achieving women, high-level women, and dynamic women, and realizing that they're not happy. They're not where they want to be. Partially true for me and I’ve experienced it many times in my life as well. It was like I had a sore and a band-aid was still hanging on it. It's painful when you have a sore and still have a Band-Aid stuck to it, right? I needed the band-aid to just be ripped off, and I couldn't do it myself. It was slow and painful. It's been hurting for a long time, but I feel that my coach ripped that band-aid off. I had been talking about the past:
All this crazy stuff happened. I've been hanging on to the past. It wasn't serving me, and I'm not doing that anymore. My successes and challenges Now you may look at my life or my business, and say, “You started a whole new area of your business. You started VA Made Easy. That's super successful. You have a team of 16 Virtual Assistants now, and you're doing all these amazing things. You just got interviewed by Jack Canfield, like, how were you sucking or holding on to the past?” Now, yes, I was doing a lot of great things. But have you ever had that inkling that something's not where it needs to be? That you're not exactly in a position where you are the happiest or where it’s meant to be? I keep having these visions, and these feelings that there is something different, but I couldn't pinpoint it. Until my coach called me out. Until she said, “Diane, I think you want to go back into life coaching.” Now, this also may be shocking to you because you think, “Diane, you've always been in life coaching.” What actually happened was in the beginning, I was only doing life coaching (not business coaching). But once I started to build my coaching practice, then my speaking business, then my programs, my women's community, my books, my podcast, and so many pieces. People came to me and said, “Diane, how did you do that? Can you teach me how to do that? Can you show me? Can you guide me? Can you coach me?” I said, “Yes, yes, yes!” I always follow the excitement and the energy. I was totally in alignment with those using my core competencies of teaching, guiding, problem-solving, creativity, strategy, and showing things in another way. They were all great. But what I realized, in my 12 years of coaching, probably the last 8 years, have been 90% business strategy, consulting, and coaching, more so than just the life or women's empowerment and such. It's not to say that's bad. I love working with my clients. I just have this desire to do more in the life coaching world again and do more in women's empowerment. But I couldn't figure out what is my unique positioning statement on this. I'm not going to tell you right now what I think it might be because it's still brewing. It's like if you made a soup, or a stew, or a chili, or a curry. You can eat it right away, but it needs to sit and bubble and boil on the stove so that everything can kind of meld together, all the flavors. That's what I'm doing right now. I'm melding all the flavors together, and I'm trying it on like a new outfit: the new shoes, the new jeans, the new jacket, whatever it may be. I'm putting it on to see how it feels. I'm in that place right now. One thing that was really funny was when my coach and I started talking about the pillars of my brand, I said “Okay, it's about soul satisfaction, about being a Dynamic Woman, and the third pillar would be VA services.” My coach looked at me, and she said, “Diane, we just got you into the sparkly shoes. You got to get out of the work boots.”  That's true. I've been putting on the work boots for so long. Probably eight years, like I said. The work boots mean the analytical, the head work, the strategy, the masculine, all of this. I want to wear some sparkly shoes, meaning I want to be in a place that feels more life-giving and energetic, where I have this soul calling. Over those two days in LA, I cried a bunch of times as I was shifted. Going into this mastermind for two days I wanted to have certain outcomes, that's the analytical brain, and I realized I just needed to have this personal shift. On the second day of the mastermind, she said, “What do you want to get out of today?” I said, “If today is just about completing the shift in me, like ripping off that band-aid from being in the work boots, moving into being in the sparkly shoes. I'm good with that.” From there, I went to be interviewed by Jack Canfield, and there were a few other people I knew who were there as well. And they said, “There's something different about you.” I said, “Oh, well, I've lost now over like 32 pounds.” They said, “No, no, there's something different about your energy.” Then I shared about getting out of the work boots, about helping this high-level woman who has been tamed, helping her be wild again. They were like, “Wow, I've never heard this kind of stuff out of you. So cool!” A Team of Coaches?! I’m glad I have put together a team of experts to support me. Why do I have coaches? Because there's always work to be done. For me to be able to serve my clients well, I actually have a few coaches. I have this Business and Marketing Coach, who also will give me a good butt kick here and there. I have a Speaker Business Coach, not actually about how to tell stories, gesture during a speech and all that, but instead how to have a business in speaking. I also have a Business Foundations Coach, a business advisor, who helps me with things like organizing my business, basically things like contracts, agreements, HR stuff, all the things that I don't find fun, she's super helpful. I have a counselor that I meet for my personal life. I talk to the women's pastor at my church to help with my spiritual life. I have a health coach now, and then there are other people here and there that I tap into in order to get some coaching and get some support. I love what Oprah said, “When I became successful, I didn't stop having a coach. I just have more of them.” That's what I have. Wrapping Up I hope you see that it's not about perfection when you’re aiming for success. There will be times when you can’t stay consistently on top of everything, where you don’t have the answers, and change doesn’t feel easy (because it's not). Sometimes you just don't have the clarity, and it's frustrating, but stick with it. Get the help, like Les Brown said, “You can't see the picture when you're in the frame.” I knew that I was in this frame. So many times with coaches, it's kind of like the answer is right in front of my face, and I'm saying, “Oh, is it over here? Is it over here? I just want to know what it is.” Then people point it out to you because they can see the full picture, like my coach did. You have the opportunity to be called forth by them. It is such a blessing to have these kinds of aha moments, to have someone care about you enough to speak the hard truth and to pull you where you need to be. I felt like I had that band-aid ripped off. I felt like I was called out of the darkness, called out of this lack of energy place, and I was reignited. I've had many times in my life where this spark got extinguished, and I had to find a new spark, or I had to reignite it. What's cool about this situation is I've just been reminded about the spark I had for coaching women, high-level women, to feel enough, to be happy in their lives, to stop pushing for more, and to actually be in a place where they can be successful and fulfilled and satisfied. This has been ignited in me. This has been reopened for me, and I've been given complete permission to step fully into this. So, as I figure this out, I’ll let it simmer like a really tasty chili, you're going to get more pieces of info. I'm working on a new signature program, and I'm really pumped about it. It's going to be coming out real soon because I'm on fire about this. Stay tuned! P.S. Have you joined the Dynamic Women Global Community? It’s a free-to-join Facebook group for female business leaders to come together to connect, share, grow, and be inspired. We’d love to see you there! Read my other blogs:
This year I turned 44. In my excitement, I realized I keep learning things, so I’m doing a David Letterman’s top 10 list of things I’ve learned now that I’ve turned 44.  I want to keep these brief and bold and move you forward in life. In the comments below, let me know… Do you relate to some of these things? Are you younger or older than me, and you also relate to some of these things? Let me know when you learned them and what are some things that you learned this year at whatever age that you're at. Learning #1: Having older kids does not mean my house is any cleaner or will be cleaner. I look back at photos of my house when my kids were young, and my house was clean. Now because they can move everything around, the house is messier. I think it's also because I used to clean up after them. Now, I'm at the point where I believe they can be doing it themselves. I've got my own solution to this problem, but it is funny how my kids are 8 and 11, and I thought my house is going to be so much cleaner when they can help out. They do help out and they do have some jobs. But boy, do they have a lot of stuff. Learning #2: Speaking for five minutes on stage can be scarier than eight hours. You might think, “How is that even possible, Diane?” Well, I have done trainings that are eight hours long and full-day trainings, and I don’t freak out about it. Then in the past year I did a stand-up comedy class, and I had to do a five-minute set on stage and then for another show an eight-minute set. I'll tell you, I was so much more nervous to do that than I was to get up and do a keynote or get up and do a half day training or get up and do a full day training. The reason is there is no room for error. The punch lines and the lead-up to these jokes are so important that you land and say the right words. Otherwise, your punch line is not going to get any laughs. And with 25 jokes just a few sentences long, there was a lot to remember. Also, I was having a hard time remembering the order of the jokes and which joke came where, and if I did the joke at the wrong time, then it wouldn’t link with another joke I was doing. I do love the thrill of stand-up comedy, so I am going to continue learning how to do it and add jokes into a humorous keynote that I'm putting together. But it does scare me. Learning #3: It's important to call widows and hug them. I have a friend who was sharing with me that hugs from her daughter, son, and grandkids and massages are the only physical touch that she gets. She's not necessarily a widow, but she was sharing this with me. Then I also think of my mom, who after my dad passed away, is living alone; therefore, she doesn't have someone to talk to all day or at any point in the day at home, and she doesn't have the physical touch from my Dad anymore, and so it is important to at least call. And lots of hugs when I go visit her. I've also learned this from coaching widows and people who are alone. They miss these things. It's a simple thing. But if you have a friend in one of your groups, coworker or whatever, and you're friendly enough, maybe give them a hug, call them or message them sometimes. Learning #4: I love soccer so much that I will cry if I'm forced to give it up. I've had a rough few years. I don't know if you've heard some of the episodes of the Dynamic Women Podcast or read my other blogs where I talk about my journey with soccer, my body, how I've been injured, and I kept getting injured. I got injured back in May when I tore my lateral meniscus on the same knee that I had a reconstructive ACL. It's a bad knee. The orthopedic surgeon said, “The best is not to play. Do you do it for fun? Or do you do it for fitness?” I said, “I do it for fun. I love it so much.” He said, “Okay, well, it's your choice.” I was saying this to a teammate and friend. She said, “Maybe it's just time to give it up. Not play anymore.” I started crying. I wasn't able to answer her next question or even answer that because I was so upset because I love it so much. I think the other thing is, I was forced to retire early from rugby. I tore my ACL playing rugby. Then I did three months of physio thinking I didn't need surgery because that's what I was told. Then five minutes into the first game back after an intense three months of physio, I fully tore it. I needed surgery and didn’t get back to playing. Then it was leading up to my wedding, so didn’t play because I wanted to make sure I could walk down the aisle, then I started having kids and I just never got back into it. I'm not ready to give up soccer. With the knee injury, the other thing I realized was I'd get healthier. I'm losing weight, and eating better, so my knee has less inflammation and less pressure on it. I've learned that I will get healthier. I'm motivated to get healthier for a soccer body, not a summer body. Times have changed. My priorities have changed now that I'm 44. Learning #5: I can be at my heaviest weight and feel like I'm so far gone, and still come back from it. You may have listened to my Dynamic Women Podcast episode or my blog where I talked about how I lost weight. Now, I've lost over 35 pounds. I'm going to keep going until I'm at a healthy goal weight.  How was I able to come back? Because honestly, I was feeling like, “I don't know if I could lose this weight. I don't know if I can come back. I just don’t have the willpower or ability.” The key thing was I hired a coach. I know what to do. But I didn't have the emotional and mental bandwidth to do it. I needed accountability. I needed someone to just guide me and tell me what to do. I would just say yes, and follow the plan and tick things off and get the, “Good job, Diane.” That's what I needed. What I actually realized from that was I could eat more, exercise less, and still lose weight. Isn't that amazing? If you want to know my coach, let me know. Email me at [email protected]. Learning #6: I like online digital investing. This whole cryptocurrency, investing thing was doing my head in. My husband and I were looking at doing real estate investing in Vancouver. Just not ideal for the type of investing we wanted to be doing - flipping. Then there are stocks, bonds, puts, and all these other types of stock market investing. I use my brain all day for work, I didn’t want to stretch it at night as well. It's not in my zone of genius to understand this financial side. I didn't do any of it. But then I met a mentor. I realized I could learn to navigate this crypto world, this online investing digital world, and make good investments that are making me money because I have a great mentor. Do you know what's really weird? I have always thought, “I'm going to coach until I die. I love this so much.” But when I started getting into investing, and seeing how much was coming back to me, without me doing anything (passive income), not “Oh, I have to figure out all these businesses. I have to watch what the market is doing. I have to see if the stock is up or down and then buy low, sell high or any of that”. I didn't have to learn it. I don't have to be on top of it. I put it in. I get the interest and then decide to withdraw or compound. I then thought, “Oh, maybe I don't want to be a paid coach until I die. Maybe I want to volunteer coach instead.” Anyway, that was interesting to me. I got excited about it because I had someone to show me where to go with it. Learning #7: Sometimes you need to break up with friends, clients, or soccer teams if they're not a good fit. When I say good fit, it might have been a good fit, but things and people change, so maybe it’s not a good fit for this period of your life. I won't go into why I broke up with friends, clients, or with these teams. But I'll let you know the learning from this is that even if I make a tough decision to end a relationship, to switch teams or to fire a client, I still think about them. I still want the best for them. I grew up always thinking that everyone would be my friend, and everyone would like me, and I'd like everyone and everyone would get along. I realized it's not that way. I want it to be that way, but it's not. Doing the breaking up or limiting my time and energy has really been hard. It sits on my heart about these people. I still pray for them every week, anytime my pastor’s like, “Lift up someone who's hurting right now”. If they say someone who has physical pain, I still lift up these people even though it doesn't even relate. It's just the whole idea of lifting them up and praying for them. Not praying because I want them to be better or get better. No. Praying because it saddens me that there was a break or distance created. Learning #8: I can't wear heels anymore. At least, I'm trying. Here's a variety of reasons why I don't think I could wear heels. But I'm going to do it anyway. I wore them in my photoshoot for my birthday. I loved the power, the feeling, the sexiness, and the beauty of high heels. However, I need to go buy new ones, better ones, bigger ones.  I think what's happened is two kids (my feet widened), plantar fasciitis issues, ankle issues (yes, those are both soccer), COVID and not wearing heels (I’m out of practice). I had a client who is a personal trainer of people who do fitness competitions. When they come up to fitness competition time, she has everyone wear their heels in the house for at least 10 minutes a day because you have to build up all those ligaments in the feet and get them used to that position along with the calves. Well, I just put the shoes on and I haven't even walked a step and my foot feels in so much pain. That makes me feel old like I need orthotics in my heels, which I don't think you can do, but I wear orthotics in my shoes. That makes me feel older, and that's okay, but I'm going to have to train myself how to wear heels again and get some good ones for myself. (Since writing this I bought myself 3 comfy pairs!) Learning #9: I'm more sensitive now, and I just won't rough it. I used to backpack, stay in cheap places, get on cheap flights, and go into chaotic restaurants. I just can't do it. I can't do it. I'm not a fan of loud music, loud restaurants, loud spaces, chaotic spaces. I want to take cabs or an Uber or Lyft over public transit. I will choose better seats on a plane just to be away from people if I can, and to have a bit more space. I want hotel rooms that have kitchens so I can prep my own food and more space in the room. Ideally, a room close to the elevator and pool. I don't want to rough it anymore. My husband says, “We're not going camping because you don't like it.” I said, “Oh, I like camp fires, nature, smores, I just don't feel like sleeping on the ground because I know how my body's going to be in the morning.” That makes me think, “Yeah, I'm 44.” Learning #10: I feel most alive and like myself when I'm with my friends. When I get on here, and I write to you, I also feel like myself. This is the real me. Except when I'm with my friends for longer periods of time or more of them, I get a little edgy. I use my humor. I get into some banter pretty quick.  I picked all that up from my parents. We bantered a lot growing up. They're British and watching British TV shows. I love banter and I miss it. I feel most alive when I can be with my friends like that and just be silly, edgy, and funny. That's what I want to be like in 2024 I'm going to be bringing out a humorous, inspirational keynote, with a bit of my standup in it. That's going to be really good! I’ve already locked in a coach to help me with it. Wrapping Up Well, there are my top 10. Everything from heels to soccer to weight loss to housekeeping to investing to when I feel most like myself, so I'm curious, what have you learned over the past year? Do you relate to any of these? Let me know. Put it in the comments. P.S. I hope to see you over in the Dynamic Woman Facebook community. It’s a free-to-join community for female business leaders to come together to connect, share, grow, and be inspired. There are virtual and live events, networking, coaching, and more! Read my other blogs here:
It's really sad that I have to talk about this core problem I see in women, but if you're a woman, you need to read this because it is a very crucial piece for your happiness in life.  This probably sounds weird that the woman who is all about women’s empowerment is saying there's a problem with women. It's not what you think, and it's not even your fault, (and this happens to a lot of men too) but this is the Dynamic Women Blog, so I'm speaking to you, women. It’s important to know what you want There is a problem I see and that I have seen for a long time. I realized this when I started coaching with a coach back in 2010, and this was before I was even a coach. I realized that the core problem in women that's causing them to not be satisfied in life, not be happy, not go after what they want, not to have support from others, and really get to a point in their lives where they feel empty. It's the inability to answer a question. It's a simple question. The question is, “What do you want?” But so often, we cannot answer that question. I can remember being at an event with a lot of professional women working in corporate, and we were chatting, and I asked them, “What do you want?” They were like, “Oh, like maybe a vacation.” Some of them actually couldn't even answer. They said, “I don't know, what do you mean by, what do I want?” I said, “In life, what do you want?” Other people say, “For my kids to stay healthy”. I'm like, “No, what do YOU want? What do you want for yourself? What do you want?” They didn't know how to answer that. I could answer with at least 10 to 20 things. Now, that does not make me better. It just means that I've had this question asked of me many times and I have practiced. Most women don't. Most people don't. Now, it's not your fault. You see, what's happening is we have not often been asked what we want. Why is that? Let me go through three ways or reasons why we haven't been asked what we want and why we are not good at this question. 3 reasons why women struggle to answer the question: “What do you want?” 1. Women tend to prioritize others' needs before their own As women, we tend to be the caregivers and the nurturers. We care about everyone else before ourselves. Let's be real, are you guilty of this? Probably. We make sure everyone else is taken care of, their needs are taken care of, their wants are taken care of, and when everything else is okay, we can take care of ourselves. Let me share with you a story of something super-duper small. I'm not talking about, “What do you want in your mission and your vision and your world and your legacy?” I'm talking about, “In the day-to-day, what do you want as well?”  There are two pieces to it, the little “a” agenda (we talk about this in coaching) and the big “A” agenda. The little “a” agenda might be you're a busy mom, a busy woman, you're making sure kids are taken care of, the house is taken care of, and dinner is made after work. BUT all you want to do is go take a shower. I experienced this when my husband came home one day. We say our hellos and such, and then he disappeared. I thought, “Where did he go? That's weird because he doesn't announce where he's going.” Then I hear the shower running and I think, “Wow, must be nice. Must be nice to go take a shower. I've been waiting to take a shower.” The thing is, that was his need and his want at that exact moment, “I need to take a shower, I want to take a shower,” and so he went and took a shower. I have lots to learn from that. However, what I was feeling was, “Well, I can't take a shower yet because these things need to be picked up, the kids need to have their dinner, their homework needs to be done, and then I need to message a client back.” All these things needed to happen before I could take care of my needs. I know the question is, “What do you want?” but when we're not even taking care of our basic needs, taking a shower can be a basic need. It comes from that place of nurturing. Again, not your fault, ladies! You are hardwired to take care of others and that's why we've survived as long as we have, right? 2. There are so many things pulling you, and you don't even have time to sit with it If you have children or not, that's fine. I'll also give examples for you because you're probably super busy as well. For Moms, it may be:
For non-moms, (as well as some moms), it's things like:
It just continues on and on and on. We often get into that place of just scrolling Facebook because we want to disconnect. There are so many things pulling us that we never have time to sit with the question, “What do I want? What do I want for myself? What do I want today? What do I want in three years? What do I want in every single area of my life?” 3. We’re often not asked in the right way I think the one time we're asked is when we're younger and people say, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Then we're supposed to come up with an answer at that moment. We don't know it, and we don't know how to get there, then we feel lost. How am I seeing this in my world? Well, I've been coaching for over 12 years now. The way I see it is someone comes to me, and they'll say:
Then I asked them what really seemed to be a simple question: “What do you want?” and they said:
“What do I want?” I'm talking about, “What do I want in all 10 areas?” In general, what do you want for your life, and what do you want in all 10 areas? Then what do you want every single day? It can take time to uncover that. Wheel of Life That's when I use the professional coaching tool, the Wheel of Life - mine has 10 areas:
It's not just knowing what you want in your business or what you want in your career, but it's what you want in all of these areas as well. Oftentimes, fun and recreation just get kicked out or forgotten about. What do you want in these 10 areas? I usually start by using the wheel, and they get clarity on:
 Then we paint the picture of “What does it look like at a nine out of ten…?” In your health:
With your significant other:
With your career or your business:
I understand why this is the core problem. Knowing is half the battle. Now that you know that this is a problem, you can take this information and do something with it. So what are you going to do? Are you going to sit down with this question of “What do I want?” Are you going to get a session with a coach to help you figure this out? That's what I highly recommend. If you are thinking, “Wow, I would really love to figure out what I want in all areas. I want to achieve more, be happier, I want a clear path”, reach out to me at [email protected]. I hope that in a few years when I create more blog posts, I won’t have to do this topic of “What do I want?” I hope people can easily answer this question and I hope it’s what YOU truly want, at that deeper life satisfaction level, and not what society wants for you. For example, I hope the answer isn't only materialistic like:
I hope it's things like:
Now, I'm not going to tell you what you want. If you really want the material things, then great, but have it be the stuff at the deepest soul level that you want. Rather than the pressure to keep up with the Joneses. The pressure of “I need to have these things in order to be validated as a person, in order to fit in with my friend group.” I've cut friend groups out who were too materialistic because I knew that I couldn't be where I needed to be in my life, in my happiness, and in my worthiness. It just wasn't aligned with my values. Wrapping Up Let's not have the question, “What do I want?” be the core problem of women. But rather be the core solution, the core answer to building a foundation, a life that you love and that you get excited to wake up to. Even when you get asked at a restaurant, and you're looking at the menu, and they ask you, “What do you want?” Let's make more decisive answers rather than looking at someone else and saying, “Well, what are you having?” Because if we start to do that with small decisions, that's when we start to lose confidence, and then won’t be able to make bigger decisions for our own lives. I’m asking that you take the next few weeks to sit with this question, “Am I really doing what I want?” And outside of your responsibilities, you have obligations, you have other people in your life, you just can't do everything you want. You might say like, “Ah I want to fly to Morocco and leave everything behind.” No, you've got stuff that you value and prioritize, but over the next few weeks come up with some answers. Every moment you have an opportunity to share what you want, give a clear answer, be decisive when you share it, and confident you can achieve that. P.S. I want to help you figure out what you want. Let’s start with this FREE booklet, the “3 Simple Steps to Figure Out What You Want” Read my other blogs:
Have you been thinking about how to offer your next program, what your next product should be, and how to make big money? I'm pretty excited about this topic. It came to me just a while ago, as I was thinking about my journey starting the Virtual Assistant Made Easy Program. It made me reflect on how I've come about some of the different offerings I've had. How I put together the Dynamic Women Community and what inspired me to do it. How I made the Dynamic Women program. I wondered, how I was able to come up with the ideas? …By listening.  Why listening is important to me As a coach, part of my profession is to listen. I'm supposed to listen for the answers from the clients. Listen to them to help them figure out what the true answer for them is and to empower them. Listening is a skill that I need to have and use in coaching, at least in life coaching. In business coaching, it's more so listening and then providing the answers, advice, wisdom, and support. Listening never came necessarily naturally to me. I was the youngest in the family. With older people around, I always had to fight to be listened to, especially with two older brothers who were four and eight years older. They didn't care much about hanging out with their little sister, and I was a bit of a chatterbox because I learned to talk to get attention. 3 ways to make big money by listening There are three ways I've found where you can make big money by listening. I just want to preface this also by saying, it is not all about the money, but I'm guessing that that word being part of the title made you pay attention to this. If that's the case, then great because the benefits you're going to get from listening in are guaranteed. I've done this myself and taught it to many clients, and it’s guaranteed to help you give your clients exactly what they want. I'm going to go through the three different ways and give some examples of how this has shown up in my life and how I moved this into a business opportunity.
Even if you don't have a business, and you're in a profession, or you're thinking about a business, listen to the compliments. Some people might say, “Wow, you're so organized!” I've heard, “You've achieved so much” and “Wow, you're everywhere!” (meaning, I guess, on social media and YouTube and podcasts, etc.). Or maybe before, when I was attending a lot of in-person events, “You were everywhere.” I've had some clients say to me, even though they're older than me, it's funny, they'll say, “I want to be just like you when I grow up”, which is extremely flattering. It's also the follow-up question and asking. Here are some examples:
By you listening first to what it shared, asking the follow-up question, and then listening again, you're going to get a lot of insight as to what people value about you, and the things they potentially want to know and learn themselves. When I look at things like “You've achieved so much” and asking someone, “What do you want to achieve that I've achieved?” and they say, “Writing a book.” and then I can say, “Well, I can help you with that.” I did a 360 survey at the beginning of my career. One of the things that was said that has so much impact on me is, “You have a presence when you walk in a room.” I thought, “That's cool. What can I do with that? Is that confidence? Can I teach that? Can I teach how to have a presence? Can I also teach when it's not good to have presence or too much presence?” Listening to the compliment helps you to figure out the offering. When I heard things like “You're everywhere,” it made me realize that it’s because I have a system with my VAs, which is for social media content creation. It’s where we take a piece of anchor content, (this is what my team does for me), like a video, and we repurpose it into your YouTube, your podcast, your newsletter, your blog, and all your social posts. All these different things come from one piece of anchor content, and then get put on all the social media platforms that you want to be on. When people say, “You're everywhere,” that's how I do it. That helped me to learn what people value about what I've achieved or done or who I am, and then how I can teach that. Now, you're not always going to take everything. If someone says, “That's an amazing apple pie,” and you don’t really want to have a baking business, then you can just thank them and move on. But if you're listening for the other compliments, that could be something that's helping you to move forward in your business or in your career, and you can use that for promotions to talk about what you’ve done well. On the flip side, in your business, it might be a new offering or even just something that you share about a little bit more to bring people into your community. Lots of stuff has happened because people have said these compliments to me, like, “Oh, you're just so busy, but you've achieved so much.” (And then it gets into number two. But let me give you one final example here.) People have said to me, “You've achieved so much”, and “You have two kids, and yet you've achieved so much.” It also lets me know they value the fact that I'm also a busy mom, as well as a business owner. That's my opportunity there to think about that as a positive for marketing. I'm going to share it in some of the different pieces that I put out into the world and bring it into podcasts, YouTube videos, lives, when I meet people, my About section, and all these different pieces. That’s the first one: Listen to the compliments, and you know what, the things you should sell and offer in your business are the things that come most naturally to you. They're innate. They're easy for you to do. People keep wanting to choose things that are hard to do as the things they sell and the services and the products. Stop it. Don't do that. Leave them to the people who are passionate and have a natural gift for those pieces, and then you focus on the ones that are great for you. Being in alignment that way will make you happier. 2. Listen to Questions Oftentimes people will say:
 Another question might be what mentioned before, “How do you do it all, Diane?” I get that one quite a bit, and “How do you stay on top of everything?” As I go to answer this question, this is now again a potential for an offering. For many years I had people say, “Diane, what is a Dynamic Woman? You talk about dynamic women. You have the Dynamic Women Community. Am I a Dynamic Woman?” That is actually what sparked me to want to be able to answer that question better. Not just what it is, but how can you become one. By people asking me what's a Dynamic Woman, the Dynamic You Program was born and became a book. (Heads up! We're going to do the next cohort to Dynamic You. New and improved coming out, probably in the New Year. Be on the lookout for the launch of that or email [email protected] to get on the waitlist because space will be limited. ) Think of the questions that people ask you. Are they asking you things like, “What is the definition of this?” or “How did you do this?” These are the pieces they want to know. A lot of questions I've been getting recently are around
The questions just always come in, and it got me to the point of like, “Wow, people are hungry for this knowledge.” In these questions, you might have a small offering like a workshop, training, or a masterclass. You might have a four-part series mini-course. You could also have a full-blown program, a coaching mastermind, a book, and a speech that you give and get paid for. There are so many opportunities just by thinking, “What are the most common questions I get asked?” After going through two points you know to write down all those compliments and questions and keep a list of them. They might be from random people, your neighbor, or a mom at school pickup. It could also be someone in a networking group, once they hear what you do. It could be a client giving you a compliment. It could be from your lead who asks you a question. It might not even be related, again, to a service you already offer. It could be something different. 3. Listen to the Complaints Listen to the complaints, as well as concerns because sometimes people aren't complaining, they're just sharing with you a worry they have or some trouble they've had in the past. Here's some I recently have been getting:
These complaints are things that people don't like. They could be obstacles for them for achieving their goals, or could be obstacles for them in their life or in their business. Listen to the complaints of the people around you, because a complaint needs a solution. A concern needs a solution.  Some concerns I've had with people coming in for the Virtual Assistant Made Easy Program where I hire a virtual assistant for you from the Philippines are:
There are solutions to all of these concerns. If it's in relation to a course you already have, you can answer this in the frequently asked questions. You can talk about this in an intro event, a class, or a masterclass that you're doing. You can share it in your marketing, in a newsletter, a blog, a podcast, a YouTube video, or a story. These are all things that your ideal clients want to know. If I'm going to complain, “I'm tired!”, well, is there a reason for being tired? Probably.
Finding out again about the complaints. What is it that's really concerning them? A complaint is something that somebody doesn't want to have anymore. It's not a good thing for them, and you can probably provide the solution. What are the complaints of your ideal clients? Maybe it's some obvious things, like not enough clients. Then, what about that is hard for them? You're kind of unpacking this. If they're sharing, “Oh, I just need to have more clients. I can't get enough clients!” then ask them, “Oh, what kind of clients are you looking for and how are you currently looking for them?” or “How are you currently marketing yourself?” If you find out that they've just been going to meetings, and they're not using social media at all, then that's where a solution could be. What you should do What happens now? Well, go back to the three ways of making big money by listening, and I encourage you in your circles, listen for the compliments and write them down. I love to use the notes section on my phone as a very quick way to document these things. You can keep a note that just says, ‘Marketing’ or ‘Research’ and then put compliments, questions, and complaints. When you're working with clients, be listening. “So hey, how are you doing?” “Oh, I just have so much going on. I just got off a training. It was really intense.” “Ah, okay. Doesn't like intense training or needs a buffer time between events.” Or get curious, “Hey, what made it so intense?” “Oh, I felt like the speaker was yelling at me.” “Ah, okay. So my ideal clients don't want to be firmly talked at on a training. I need to be a certain way. Maybe if I use that talent that I have, there is going to be more opportunity.” I could sit here all day and take your profession, and match it to some compliments, questions, and complaints, but I'm curious about the ones that actually show up in your life. If you want to comment, and let me know, like your industry and some compliments, questions, concerns, or complaints that you've been hearing, let's see where the correlation is. It's like a 1-2-3.
Or it could be,
This is really great because it’s not taking any extra time. It's just in your normal day-to-day, but when you get curious, and you ask follow-up questions, that's really where the gold is. Because your ideal clients are going to give you the exact verbiage they use so that when you write your marketing, you can say, “Are you sick of being on the hamster wheel?” Because that's the words that they actually said, or “It's easier to just fly under the radar than it is to put my neck out and be confident in business meetings.” You're pulling their actual words like, “I just wish I could have people pay me on time because cash flow becomes an issue at the end of the month when they don't.” Then you'll know this is working because you'll start to hear things like, “Wow, I felt like you were speaking straight to me”. That could be through your social media, when you're on stage, when you're training something, or even when you're offering. If they just read your landing page for your offer, and they said, “Wow, I felt like you were speaking straight to me.” Isn't that amazing? You're you're going to have more people signing up with you. I've had this happen, where someone started crying during an offer, and this is the first time I had made this offer so I was very concerned that I had offended them, that I triggered something negative in them. It was a small group and I think at the time, there were only eight people and I just said, “Hey, so-and-so I noticed some emotions coming up what's up?” and they said, “This is exactly what I've been looking for.” That was about my Elite Coaching Program, (which I'm also going to be relaunching in the new year under a new name.) That's what they said, “This was exactly what I was looking for.” Do you think they hired me and bought the program? 100%. They couldn't throw their credit card at me fast enough because I was listening to them earlier. I was listening to my ideal client, and I was speaking their words. I think that is the greatest way to really serve your clients in an authentic way, in a way that actually will get them the results they want, and will have them (the word that comes to mind is clamoring to work with you. But I just like to say) gladly working with you. Where I make an offer for some of my programs, I'll get messages afterward after people have signed up saying, “Thank you so much for offering this. This is exactly what I needed. I'm really excited. I'm looking forward to working with you, thank you.” To get that type of message after people pay you for something is incredible, even before you've even done the work. Then more accolades come later is a bonus. A few things I want to share I have just a few final spots in the Virtual Assistant Made Easy Program in 2023. So if you want to do it, please email me directly at [email protected]. We also have Your Content Made Easy, which is our social media content creation that we do in-house for you, creating 12 pieces of content every single week for you in your voice and with your branding. Wrapping Up The three ways to make big money by listening works. I've been doing this in my business for over 12 years. It has helped me to produce some of the greatest programs possible because sometimes as the teacher, I can't see it through the eyes of the student. Listening gives me that insight. Also, the Les Brown quote, I say this so many times, “You can't see the picture when you're in the frame.” Many times, you and I don't know our greatness. We don't know how amazing we are until we listen to how other people compliment us and the things people ask us because they trust us as an expert on that topic. Then the complaints they share with us because they feel comfortable to share, and maybe hoping we can support them or give them a solution. If you've had a win with any of this, let me know, send it to me. I'd love to hear what's your takeaway from this blog post. I'd love to see you over in the Dynamic Woman Facebook Community. I love going live there and hanging out and asking cool questions and sharing awesome tips for your business in life. I hope to see you in there. It is free to join. Share this with a friend and until next time, stay dynamic! Read my other blogs:
|
Archives
June 2024
Categories
All
|
RSS Feed