Have you ever had someone say bad things about you and tell you that “You're too much!” and they dull your sparkle?
In my last blog, I talked about why we should stop telling others they’re too much. This happened a couple of times within a three-month period. I did some self-reflection and asked friends. I realized that even in talking to one of the people who said mean things about me, I realized I was not the culprit.
I alluded before to this time in my life when I was being tested. I was being challenged in “Am I really who I am meant to be” and “Am I showing up in this really great way?”
I knew I was my true self and so it was very hurtful those things were said. The funny thing is a little while later, a friend who I thought knew all about this incident gave me a gift. It was a frame with the writing, “Don't ever let anyone dull your sparkle.”
I said to her, “This is so fitting because of the challenges I've been through with others.” She asked, “What challenges?” She didn’t know! I asked her why she gave me that gift and she said, “Well, you have a sparkle when you are coaching clients, on stage or just in your regular life. I just don't want that to ever change for you.” How amazing is that? On the flip side of those negative people, I've got this amazing supporter.
Please note: I'm going to intermix the words “shine” and “sparkle. I'll probably move to the word “shine” a little bit more because it is the 9th Pillar of being a Dynamic Woman. It's the final pillar after the other 8 because of its importance and the need to work through the challenges of not being able to shine. That's why I'm saying don't tell people there too much. Don't take away people's sparkle because it possibly took them a long time to get to the point where they're able to actually shine and sparkle.
What does it mean to sparkle and shine
If you have the Dynamic You book or you've taken the program, please refer back to Pillar 9. It's kind of like the idea of “shine bright like a diamond” in Rihanna’s song. What I see in this regard is diamonds are high value, right? They're high quality. They're strong, and they're absolutely gorgeous. You're mesmerized by them when you look at them. Or think about crystals. Just that glorious brightness and you're drawn to it. You're pulled in.
Other words that describe someone who can shine or someone who sparkles would be:
Have you had moments like this? It could be when you're in your personal life, like when you’re telling a fun story or baking. It can also be in your professional life, like for me, I've heard from others that when I'm on stage, when I'm presenting, when I'm working with someone, these are some of the moments that I'm shining.
Think of a time when you’ve seen someone singing, and they’re really connecting with the music and their emotions. How did you feel about it? Even if they aren’t the best technical singer you might still think, “Wow, that was amazing. They're a superstar.”
The Six Levels of Shining
If you have the Dynamic You book, this is on page 121.
Level 1: Hiding
You're hiding. Rather than being out and shining, you're staying home. You're holding back. You're keeping yourself in. Because you're hiding, you're not shining, really at all.
Level 2: Invisible
You go out to events, and you meet people when you reach out. Even though you're at events, and you do things, you're still kind of invisible. You're not getting much attention. No one's paying much attention to you at all. Not much is happening from you or for you. When you leave the event, no one really notices.
Level 3: Blending in
Yes, you're there. You're at the event or you're at the function. You're around people and they know you exist. But more or less, you're just a body in the room. You're not putting anything out, you're not shining in any way that makes you different from anyone else. Imagine going to an event and everybody's wearing the same thing. Or in the wintertime how everyone likes to wear black, blue, or gray coats. If we think of it in terms of your appearance, you really blend in with everyone else wearing the same uniform as them. Maybe you're too quiet. Maybe you don't speak up or ask questions. That's blending it. You're just like everyone else.
As we get into level four, we're starting to get a little bit of sparkle and starting to shine just a tiny bit.
Level 4: You're seen
At this level, we start to shine. If we have a neutral place on the scale, or middle point, we are now past that and crossing into shine territory. If you are a level four, you're being seen. You show up, and people see you, and people know you're there, and people meet you. They may even get a feeling about you, but it's more of an external, shallow feeling. You're simply seen. It's not that you're shallow. It's that the way they're experiencing you is in a shallow capacity.
Level 5: Being witnessed
If we go a little bit further towards shining, we're being witnessed. Being witnessed means you're not only seen, but you share, by communicating in one way or another. You share, and people get a greater understanding of who you are. You're discussing something. You grab a microphone or you ask a question. You're on stage discussing something. You open up a little bit more and when you're being witnessed, you're seen for some of the things that make you unique, so maybe your values, your gifts, your skills come out more truly of who you are.
You are seen in a way so people can begin to appropriately define you and describe you to someone else. If you think of someone you have just seen around, maybe you’ve seen them in various places, or at select events. You can SEE them, but you don't really know them. It's like we're witnessing people, but you don't have the deep understanding, you're not fully pulled in, however, you start to see a little bit of the underneath. That underneath starts to make you be like, “Wow, this is a really cool person, I really like this person.” You're witnessing them in who they are, how they are. You're seeing that deeper part.
Level 6: Shining
Your deeper inner self is seen by others. It's kind of hard when you go to some events, and you don't really have the time to talk to anybody. Or if you host a party or a dinner and you don't have time to make those deep one-on-one connections with your guests. That's if you are a shining person, and then in those instances, you're like, “Ah, this sucks, I can’t connect with others.”
When you're shining, you are in your core competencies. That means the gifts, the skills, the talents that you have. These are the things that people are destined to do. These are the things that you can use to leave a legacy. Before, people have said to me:
That's because in those moments, I am maybe smiling. I'm beaming with excitement and you can feel my heart in those cases.
My friend posted a picture of herself on social media and I stopped scrolling. Even though it wasn't the best quality photo, I couldn't stop staring because I could see her spirit and the essence of who she is shining out of this photo of her. She said, “This is how I feel. This picture shows how I feel as a person.” I agreed because that's exactly how I see her.
We maybe aren't shining to everyone or in every moment (we’re not meant to). We should feel privileged to see someone else when they're shining… to witness that and then be in the presence of it is pretty amazing and even better to be shining yourself.
But the key thing around shining is that we need to do it more. Think of the moments you were shining and go do more of it!
In my next blog, I will share with you the five steps you can take when someone is trying to dull your sparkle.
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