How do you feel when you first meet someone? Do you hope they like you?
In this blog, I’ll talk about how to be liked when you first meet someone. I'm going to give you some tips, tricks, and things I do that can be really helpful.
Why does it matter about being liked?
We all want to be liked. Let's look at different situations:
Three ways you to have people like you
Here are three ways you can encourage other people or help persuade them to like you when you first meet them. These three tactics can be used in any situation, even maybe in a job interview.
1. Be Curious
Be curious. Ask questions so they get to talk about themselves. But don't make it an interrogation and don’t ask questions that are a bit too intense.
If you say to someone, “What do you do?” and they tell you, ask a follow-up question. You know that! Probably your mom, someone older or even your dating coach taught you to ask a follow up question.
When we’re in that curious mode, it shows we care about the person. When we ask two follow-up questions, it shows we are giving that person time, giving them space, and respecting them. People love to talk about themselves because we're in this time when people are too busy to listen, we text rather than call, and we don’t feel heard.
When you allow someone to talk about themselves, it feels so good for them because they're starved for it.
It's funny. I've had some conversations where I don't think I talked at all about myself. I just asked questions and let the person talk, talk, talk. At the end, they were like, “It’s so lovely to meet you. You're such a great person. I really enjoyed our conversation.” Then we went away and I thought, they don't know anything about me because they didn't ask me anything. But that's okay. We had a good conversation. Then the next time, they asked me more.
When someone tells you a story, look for a quality they had. For example, if someone says, “Oh, I was just so excited. The other day, my friend invited me to come over and I noticed that her rosebush was a little bit crazy. I was able to help her trim it in a way that her roses will flourish now and she was so grateful for that.”
When you respond, you don't need to ask a question like, “What kind of rose bush” or “How did you trim it?” You can acknowledge something about them by saying something like, “Wow, you're such a kind friend” or “Oh, you must be great at gardening.” Give them a compliment or acknowledge something about them so they feel you have really seen them or even find a value you heard, “Oh, it sounds like helping others is really important to you.”
The statement, “It sounds like ______ is important to you” is a really great way for the person to say to themselves, “Whoa, they just saw me. They just heard me. They were paying attention. They get me.”
People want others to get them. They like you when you can connect that way.
People will often try to one-up them or tell a story that they had, but instead try to reflect back to them what you see in them.
2. Share something that will help them
Once you find out what they love, what they're passionate about, or even what problems they face, share something that will help them.
It might naturally come to that place. If the person talked about their crazy rosebush and didn't know what to do with it, and you know something about that, then you can say, “Oh, let me send you a video explaining how to do that because I actually know how” or “I'm happy to give you a few tips if you send me a photo of it”. Or maybe you have no clue what to do, but maybe you know someone who does, then you can connect them.
Sidenote: I shared that story because I have a crazy rosebush that is actually like a really, really tall tree. If anyone out there knows what I should be doing, please message me because I have no clue. I think it's reaching over the fence trying to get the sun.
Share some information to help them. Now if it doesn't get to that point in the conversation, maybe you just offer to share something with them. You might say something like, “I read this really good book the other day, and there was this cool diagram in it.” Then they're like, “Oh, wow, that's really interesting” or “That sounds cool”. You're like, “I'd be happy to share that with you.” Or if it was an article you could share the website link, or if there was an online tool that you know about, you could share that with them. Sharing something with them helps them to like you because not only are you understanding them now, but you're showing how you care enough to help them, especially if you can solve a problem for them. They will like you and remember you.
No matter the situation one thing you can do to have someone like you is to smile. Now, I don't mean a creepy smile. I don't mean staring and smiling at someone across the room and making it seem really weird.
Most days I walk on the trail by my house and I always smile and say “Hi” or “Good morning”. I noticed that the people I feel like I don't like are the ones who didn't smile back and/or didn't say anything.
It's so easy to smile because a lot of times when we meet people for the first time, they feel nervous, or we feel nervous or shy, or we don't know what to say. Even if English is your second language, or you're in a country where you don't speak their language, a smile at least shows that you're friendly. It shows that you're confident. It shows that you're not stuck up and you're approachable.
So smile. Obviously, if it's appropriate, right? If it's a really hard moment, and the person actually was crying or angry, let's not smile at them.
These are the three things that you can do: be curious, offer help, and smile. This topic was sparked by my last blog, where I shared 3 tips to appear confident.
Which of these three do you think will be most helpful for you? Which of these three do you do already? And which one do you want to do better at? Share them with me in the comments!
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