ONE Shift so You Stop Wanting to Change Yourself (Part 1)

Do you feel like you have to be different? Do you feel pressured by society to change yourself? 

In this blog, I'm going to share with you the ONE shift that will stop you from focusing on how you need to change yourself. ​

Yes, you can stop believing you have to change yourself. 

The problem is when we have to change ourselves in every single area of life, it's tiring and hard. You want to be focusing on your passions, maybe your business, your career, and you don't have to be thinking about, “How do I need to be different in all of these different areas.” 

That is tiring. I know it. I've been there. My clients have been there. But you don't have to be as well. 

The ONE Shift

This is the one shift that's going to stop you from focusing on changing yourself. Now how do you do that when we're constantly told to be different? 

• Family says, “Be more like your sister Suzie” or “Be more like your coworker Bob”
• Commercials tell us, “You need to be taller”
• Ads show us, “You need to be thinner”
• School says, “You need to be smarter”
• People tell us, “You need to be stronger”
• Society says, “You need to make more money”

All these negative comparisons put pressure on YOU. That’s hard. 

Rather than changing ourselves and feeling like we'll be more successful when we change who we are, instead, we can think about changing our actions. 

You don't have to change yourself. Instead focus on changing your actions. 

We don't have as much power and control over changing ourselves, especially when biologically we are a certain way. You might think, “Oh, if only I was more tech-savvy.” Well, if we changed our actions, we could be more tech-savvy. 

Look at the things you're doing, your…

• Habits
• Behaviors
• and Actions

How I made this ONE shift

I am a recovering perfectionist and have some bad habits. I’ve been very hard on myself. I’ve often compared myself to others. I also challenge myself to do better all the time. As much as I have worked on myself over the years, I've been struggling with how I am not as fit as I used to be. 

I have been focusing on how I look now is wrong and I need to change myself.

I am not looking like an athlete anymore, so I feel like I need to change myself to be that again. I was a varsity rugby player. I’ve been an MVP of many sports and an OUA All-Star.  I’ve had lots of physical achievements in my past. I need to change myself to be fit again, to be thinner again, and to be stronger. I feel like I need to change myself, but this is causing me to be really hard on myself. 

I realized that's a lot of pressure to put on myself. That's a big burden to have to change my appearance completely, especially when I've had two kids and I’ve had many injuries over the past few years. 

I am still a great person and my value doesn’t come from my appearance.  You may have had this feeling of “If only I was this, like them or if I was that again”. 

It doesn't have to be around weight or your appearance. It can be about your personality. It can be around your skills and talents. 

Then I thought, “Take your own medicine, Diane. Listen to the things you've said to others.” 

I often talk about the BIG myth we're led to believe by society, ‘We have to change ourselves.’ Instead, ‘We have to change our actions.’

That helped me realize, changing myself directly to an athlete is pretty hard. So what would be better… is to change my actions. 

My actions of:

1. My perspective around who I’m being 
2. My habits in my physical activity.
3. My actions in getting support for my health problems like my plantar fasciitis.

This shift has helped me to put some positive changes into my life and I feel more hope and more in control.

In my next blog, I will share with you stories of how my clients made the shift from focusing on changing themselves to focusing on changing their actions. 

P.S. If you haven’t yet, join the Dynamic Women Global Community on Facebook and be part of a group of female business leaders to come together to connect, share, grow, and be inspired.

Read my other blogs here: 

1. Saying “YES” Can Change Your Trajectory
   
2. Side Swiped by Change?
   
3. Do you accept the things you can't change?