The Best and Worst Gifts My Mother Ever Gave Me

Some gifts stay with you forever—others, you wish you could forget.

In this blog, I'm going to talk about the greatest gift my mother ever gave me and how I'm still using it today, as well as the worst gift she ever gave me and how I'm trying to keep pushing it away.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mommies out there! 

I also want to honor anyone where Mother's Day is really hard time, be it that…

• you have not been able to have a child, or 
• it wasn't in the plans for your life, or 
• you've lost a child through miscarriage or some unfortunate circumstances, or 
• that you've lost your own mother or never had a good mother and have a torn relationship 

I want to honor you today and these weeks because it can be super hard. 

I wrote this blog on Mother’s Day as I reflected on what made me who I am today. These gifts were given to me as a child, so I'll get into that as well. 

Now, let’s dive in. 

The best gift

The best gift my mom ever gave me that I still use today is not a material thing. It's nothing that you can physically touch. But it's something that you can sense about someone. The gift that mom gave me was belief in me. 

She always believes in me. When I was younger, she believed in me in sports,  at school and when I was speaking. Basically, in so many different places. I'm going to talk about each one and how that played out. 

She believed in me in Sports

In sports, she always said, “You can do it, Diane” and “Go Diane”. She's British, and she’d put up her two thumbs and say, “Way to be! Way to be!”

I’d feel embarrassed, but she was always saying, 

• “You can do it” 
• “You can do great” 
• “You can win that” 
• “You can do well at that” 

That belief pushed me in sports, and I ended up playing coed soccer at a young age with boys at a high level. Because she believed in me, I knew I could do it.

She believed in me in School

There were high expectations at school and also high levels of belief. She believed in me and helped me believe I could get As, be the president of the student council and do well on tests. Because of her, I was able to do really well again. 

She believed in me in Speaking

Another area where she really believed in me was my speaking. I would do the little contests in my class and then go speak in front of the school. Then, I think it was the Kiwanis Club that would put on the city speaking contests. She always believed in me that I would excel. 

Then I was invited as a junior in high school to be the emcee for the graduation ceremony. 

All of this has led me to be able to excel in academics, whether it be when I was younger, or as an adult, to excel in sports, and to really push myself and to go for things that maybe I wouldn't have gone for, like trying out for the varsity teams and making it and then being on the OUA all-star team, and also with my speaking to push myself forward to be able to do it and be paid. 

Having this strong belief in me, helped me to believe in myself when I didn’t. I didn't believe in myself all the time. When I didn’t, I would say, “I don’t think I can do that. But mom thinks I can, so therefore I must be able to. I'm going to do it.” 

Throughout my whole life, I've said, “I can do that. I can do that. I can do that” even if I didn’t think I could because it came from my mom believing in me, and then I started to believe in myself, which is really amazing. 

As an adult, after a few career changes, eventually to where I am now in coaching and speaking, as you know, and many other things, I got the great opportunity to be flown in all expenses paid to my hometown of Brantford, Ontario. 

I live in North Vancouver, BC right now, so I was flown across Canada all expenses paid and to a fee-paid speaking engagement. It has come full circle because I remember being young and my mom flipping her tea towel over her shoulder, cocking her hip and saying, “Oh, Diane, if you get paid to speak one day, you're going to be a rich woman.” 

That makes me laugh because, again, at the time, I thought that was belief in me. I think she was just super frustrated that I wouldn't shut up. 

I tell my mom, “You should come to this speaking engagement, Mom. I'm speaking. Come. Come.” She says, “No, I can't.” I said, “Yes you can, it's a public event. You can and I've secured a ticket for you.” 

She said, “No, I can't come. I can't come.” 
I said, “Why? It's in town. I'll drive you. I've got a ticket for you. Come see me speak.” 
She said, “Oh, I couldn't do that. I'd be so nervous.” 

I said, “Mom, I'm going to do a great job.” 
She says, “I know you're going to do a great job. But I'd be so nervous for you.” 
I was like, “Why?” 
She goes, “Well, I don't know where you got any of these gifts from, nothing came from me or your father. I just never understood how you've done everything.” 

That was such an eye-opener. While I'm saying these are gifts my mother gave me, they're also gifts my father gave me. My late father who passed 3 years ago. 

Since this is Mother's Day, I'm focusing on the mom's side of things, because she is the one that drove me everywhere. Dad was working quite a bit and travelling to and from work. Mom was the one who had to drive me everywhere like a taxi driver for me. 

But anyway, it's amazing how, by her saying that, I realized the gift of her believing in me was a bit of a lie. She believed in me but didn't always fully believe I could do things because of her own insecurities, doubts, and feelings of not having those skills and talents, but she never let that come forward. It made me think what a different life I would have had if my mom actually said those fears that she said she had herself. 

If she said, “I believe you can do it. I just could never do it.” Well, if she had said that throughout my whole life, I might have been more nervous. It really shows me the power that adults have over children. Also, coaches have to their clients, or coaches to their players, or teachers to their students. 

Anytime someone looks up to you, there is a choice to have that full belief in them. I joke with people and say, “If you don't believe in yourself, hire someone who does.” That's why I have multiple coaches for different areas. I also have people on my personal board who will support me and be a fan. 

The worst gift

Now, let's do the flip side of this because while the greatest gift my parents have ever given me was belief in me, the worst gift my mom ever gave me that I keep trying to give back is actually high performance, that expectation or belief in me that I could achieve at a high level. 

This gift she gave me is not originally bad—it’s gotten me really far. It's the fact that when that got turned up so high, by continuing to go for things and compete and such, it actually turned into perfectionism. Can you relate to that? 

This belief in high quality, high performance, doing well, straight A's, honor roll, and MVPs, wasn't drilled into me by her that I have to be perfect. She always said, 

• “Just do your best.” 
• “Just be proud of your own performance.”

But I translated that into it having to be the best. I never got yelled at for not performing well. But I turned it into perfectionism. The way this has been transformed from something wonderful into something not so good is also what we have to really be careful about. 

I have to be careful with my children and with my clients. 

For me, it keeps showing up as perfectionism, and I have to keep pushing that away and just go back to high quality and do your best. Otherwise, perfectionism is so stunting of my performance.

What I learnt

What have I learnt about the giving of these gifts to others? Well, many people don't have self-belief. But it can be manufactured from other people, imparting it on you. You have the power that before someone goes on stage to say, “I know you're going to do well.” Because in their mind, they might think, “I'm not going to do well. I'm not going to do well. Wow, this person just told me they think that I'm going to do well or they know I'm going to do well. I guess it's true. I guess they're not a liar.” 

Right before someone goes to do a musical performance, play a game, have a job interview or negotiation, have a difficult conversation, share your belief in that person. 

• “You can do it.”
• “You've got the skills and talents.” 
• “You're going to do amazing.”

Just share that with them. For the people in your life who you're around a lot, what if our goal was to continue to inspire, cheerleader, and believe in others? The world would be a different place. 

As I said, if you don't believe in yourself, hire someone who does or bring someone into your life who does because that can be the difference. Just having someone believe in you could be the one thing that helps you reach your goal of living your dreams. I know that sounds so big and grandiose, but I'm just extremely grateful for others’ belief in me. 

The flip side is if you didn't have someone believe in you, and you have someone instead cutting you down, it could have been its own gift, the worst gift that turned into a good gift. That was the fuel that said, “You know what, watch me, I'm going to do it. I'm going to prove you wrong.” ​

But today, I hope that you take away the idea that believing in others is a good thing. Believing in others to a high standard is great, too. Set the bar high. Just make sure you check in on that person to make sure perfectionism isn't ruling them, stressing them out, causing them anxiety, or preventing them from going for what they want out of fear of not having the perfect result. 

Have the most wonderful Mother's day. If it is a hard time for you, just take some time to nurture yourself. That is my hope for you that you can find some solace in this time and some great friends who believe in you. 

And if you are looking for someone to believe in you… let’s have a conversation.

Read my other blogs:

1. How to Boost Your Confidence
2. Stop Measuring Your Life According to Your Success
3. Stop Giving it ALL YOUR POWER!