Change Your Actions, Rather than Changing Yourself (Part 2)

In my last blog, I shared the one shift to make to stop wanting to change yourself and how I did it myself. The key thing is to stop focusing on changing yourself and instead change your actions. Now I’m going to share a couple of stories from my clients on how this worked out well for them.

Client Story: Changing actions in her business 

How you ever felt:

• “I need to be more…tech savvy, good at sales etc.”
• “I need to change so I have more profit.”
• “I feel stuck and I can’t figure out what to do.”
• “I should have done this or that differently.”

This happened to one of my clients recently who joined my VA Made Easy Program. Once she said she wanted to be part of the program, some emotions set in. You see, it's a program where I hire your VA for you and help you delegate and train with your virtual assistant using my tools and systems. As I shared about the steps and the benefits, she realized how hard she had been on herself, and that she wasn’t the problem.

She felt relief and shared: 

• “All these years I've been working hard on this and blaming myself, I now see… it's not me. I need systems and processes.”
• “I’m not the problem and I don’t need to be trained on everything! I can have someone else come in and show me how.”
• “I don’t need to know it all. I can just get a VA that can figure out my tech.”

When she realized, “Wow, it's not me who needs to change. I can instead change the actions I take and decide who to delegate the actions to.”

Rather than feeling like she was failing as a person or there was something wrong with her, once she was aware, she was able to make adjustments. Maybe you've been there too where you felt like, “There’s something wrong. I can't put my finger on it.”

When you improve your actions, you can improve your life and then you will improve yourself. As I mentioned in my last blog, for me, when I start to change my mindset and change my actions around my health, I have more control and better results. 

Client Story: Changing actions in relationships with others and at work

This next client told me how she felt like she was being walked on. She wasn't as confident or showing up as confidently in her life. She thought:

• “I need to be more confident.”
• “I need to change who I am.”
• “I am not cut out for the higher position I want because I'm not good enough.” ​

Did you know that the number one limiting belief is “I am not good enough”? That comes from the research Brene Brown has done. I also see it every time I do the Dynamic Year Program when we talk about limiting beliefs. It ends up being the number one limiting belief because it underlies every other limiting belief. 

What we realized is she felt that, “I can't change myself. I'm just not a confident person. I'm just not this type of person.” 

She was putting the focus and pressure on the wrong area. Instead, we changed some of her actions. We changed how she set boundaries with people and how she enforced those boundaries. We also had a practice of reviewing her accomplishments and her achievements so she could see how good she was.

Her confidence grew. Her ability to lead grew. How others saw her grew. She didn't have to change herself. She had to change her actions around her confidence. 

Now, doesn't it seem a lot easier to bring in more positive habits rather than focusing on having to completely change yourself? You can have more confidence through the actions you take rather than having to change yourself. 

Those are just two stories of many showing how making that shift from thinking you have to change yourself to being able to just change your actions has been really helpful for my clients. 

I know you want to improve yourself. You want to be the best version of yourself. But that's an improvement. That's elevating. That's not completely changing yourself. Now, I do have to make it clear that if who you are is toxic or negative, or there's someone in your life who is that way, yes, they should change who they are. 

But a lot of times, it's changing the actions that make more sense, right?

How many drug addicts are wonderful people when they're not high? They don't need to change themselves. They need to change their negative actions that come from bad choices. 

For my clients who are joining the VA Made Easy program, they're now excited to realize, “This is amazing. I'm changing my actions, which is going to help me to be a better CEO, to live my passion more, to be who I truly am.”

That other client of mine who finally was able to step into her full confidence. It's not because she wished it. It's not because she decided, “Boom, I'm going to be a confident person.” It's because of the actions she took that helped her be confident. 

Today, I'll leave you with this. You have the choice to be yourself. You have the choice to also then step into your power and change your actions so you can be the person you want to be. You can do it and it might just be easier than you think!

P.S. If you’re not yet a member of our free community, Dynamic Women Global Community, I encourage you to join. It’s a community for female business leaders to come together to connect, share, grow, and be inspired.

Read my other blogs here:
1. How to Figure Out What You Want
2. 4 Steps to Stop Judging Yourself
​3. 5 Things That Can Help You When You’re Sick​