We recently celebrated International Women’s Day last March 8. But have you ever thought, wouldn’t it be great if we didn’t need to have this day because there was gender equality?
Let’s talk about how we can lift each other up so we won’t need an International Women’s Day in the future. Or at least the intention behind it would be a day of celebration not that we still have to:
It could be more just in celebration of the amazing women that
A little story
During last year’s women’s day, I was tagged by a friend from high school on her Instagram Stories. It said, “Businesses owned by strong women I know.”
I was tagged at the top. I don't know if that had to do with anything specific, but just the fact that she thought of me and tagged me was so nice. It meant a lot because we aren’t super strong in each other's lives.
I reshared it because that's fuel for my life and my business. Her simple act of tagging me in that IG story gave me a little boost that day. I really loved it.
I thought, How often do we lift each other up? AND Do we look for opportunities to raise other women up?
Five Ways to Raise Women Up
#1: See women in their brilliance and applaud them.
When someone does something good, rather than going into that place of compare-itis, jealousy, or any other negative emotion.
Because at times we could be judging ourselves or facing a struggle, let's lift each other up when someone is winning.
#2: See other women in their struggle and support them in a way that isn't asked for.
When my father passed, when my son broke his femur, I reached out to my close community and shared about my situation. They jumped in without me even asking.
Sometimes you might see people in your life who are struggling, and you don't know what to do. All of the ideas are amazing.
There was a day that I had two people drop off flowers for me. One was a woman from my church, not as close as some of my friends but such a huge, impactful moment to say, “Oh, I'm just dropping off some flowers at your door,” and I open it and there's a beautiful potted tulip plant. Then just hours after, I received flowers at my door that another friend had delivered from a flower shop. Each one had a big impact on me and helped.
It’s easy to be in our own struggle, but the moment that we see others in their struggle, if we jump into action with a little text or a little message, we can pull ourselves up, too.
#3: Pour into a friend on their way to their goal.
What if we have people around us who are wanting to achieve a business goal?
It doesn't take money. It doesn't take a lot of time. But you can pour into someone by believing in them.
Think of all the things that would happen in the world if people poured into each other more, spoke words of encouragement, and supported them in how they achieve their goals by sharing it, giving advice or connecting with others. There's just so much that would happen in the world.
#4: Acknowledge others more.
With all the many things happening around the world, a lot of people tend to complain.
But what if we acknowledged each other more? What if we thanked the cashier for their quick service? What if we complimented someone or a family member on how they did the dishes? What if we reach out to a friend and tell them that we appreciate them?
If we acknowledged others more, people would have a bit more of a spring in their step. They'd be focusing on the positive of what they “can do”, rather than the negative and the judgment of what they can't do.
Giving a compliment or an acknowledgement when you witness them in their brilliance, or even just in their everyday life is so powerful.
#5: Breathe life into the vision we see for others.
As a coach, this is something I often do with my clients, I’ll share…
Breathe life into what you see for others. This is part of what my parents did for me.
If we do this with our children, our friends, family members, co-workers, and with the strangers that we meet in our day-to-day lives, imagine what life could be like.
If we see others in their brilliance and applaud them, if we see people in their struggle and support them, if we pour into others, if we acknowledge them, and if we breathe life into the vision we see for others, we’d be a step closer to not needing to have a specific day where we celebrate women.
I'm not saying just do this for women. I'm hoping you’ll do this for everyone. Instead, we'd actually be celebrating each other more. It would just become a way of life like brushing your teeth, you'd acknowledge. Like going to work, you'd compliment.
If we are all in this together, imagine what the world can be like. What if we just did these five simple things?
I encourage you to do more of this if you're already doing it and to start doing it if you haven't yet.
I get that we all have our stuff going on. But if you do it to others, others will do it back to you. That's fuel — for your goals, for your day-to-day, through the struggle, and a celebration of your success.
I imagine a world where all women love themselves for who they are, where they stop being their own worst critic and instead celebrate their progress. Women who fall fast and get up just as quick, who make themselves a priority, who live their legacy, who speak up. You are this woman. A dynamic woman. Congrats.
This will happen when we lift each other up.
I'm inviting women to step into their power and into their full selves — to be unapologetically themselves, and to not take anyone down in the process of them really getting to that place where they feel at their best and are achieving what they want most in life.
If you want to be a part of a group of women who lift each other up, join our Facebook Group Dynamic Women Global Community. It’s a community for female business leaders to come together to connect, share, grow, and be inspired.
In my last blog, I shared with you what settling is.
Today, I’ll share with you the 3-step process I teach my clients to help them to NOT settle. This process can help you help YOURSELF to move out of settling. If you’ve been on one of my programs like the Million Dollar Woman, Dynamic You, or you’ve coached with me, you know I share this process.
The First Piece: Clarity
You need to be really clear on what you want and really clear on what you need. Then, the harder part is to be really clear on what's IDEAL.
When I do this in the Dynamic Balance Program, it is eye-opening. People realize:
This is often how the dream of writing a book is born or the dream of traveling the world or the dream of building the business and bringing more people on their team happens.
I love the Les Brown quote that says, “You can't see the picture when you're in the frame.” That's so true. You can't always get the clarity by yourself.
You may ask yourself:
But the answers might not flow fully because you're in the “frame”. You can't see the full picture. You can't ask yourself the questions that need to be asked.
The trouble with clarity is that for all the times you've pushed down that little voice or extinguished that spark, it gets harder to connect to the answer.
One of the hardest questions to answer is “What do you want?”, especially as women because we put everyone else first. We focus on other people's needs. If there's time, energy, or money left for us, then it's our time. But before that, it almost always goes to other people.
When we're making decisions for ourselves, we may worry about what others think. Or even worse, we don’t feel like we're worthy or we're not good enough because it feels uncomfortable to spend extra time, energy, or money on ourselves.
In getting clarity, you need someone else in order to see it. You need to ask about what you want, what you need, and what you desire in the ideal. Not the reality because the reality could be where you settle.
I was talking to a friend of mine, and she was telling me about her daughter who just got an entry-level job at a grocery store. And when she was done with school, she wanted to be a veterinarian. What's really interesting is that with COVID, her dream faded. Instead she said she’ll just keep working at the grocery store and move up the ranks.
This just broke my heart to think of this young girl who had a big, yet realistic dream. They were just extinguished. She was settling. I'm not saying that working at a grocery store and moving up the ranks is a bad career choice. But she had an ideal choice for herself. She was settling. This was also a concern of her mom. These are the steps that I would suggest she take and you take as well if you're in this place of “I just don't know what to do.”
The Second Piece: Confidence
A lot of times, it's the confidence to speak up:
Speaking up is very important because once you get the clarity on what you want, what you need, and what the ideal is, you have to tell people. That's why in the Dynamic You Program, I talk a lot about designing relationships. I also talk about the Pillar of confidence and being able to speak up about these things.
A lot of times just in speaking up, doing that simple act, and having someone else witness you say it, is enough to get the ball rolling. You've been witnessed and the truth is out.
I chose those three examples -- speaking up in your marriage, career, and family -- because I have watched clients this year have to speak up in all areas. Also speaking up with friends, when you’re not okay with something they did and you let them know.
This is how you don’t settle, and it's also how you help others to step up, how you help to strengthen relationships, and how you can potentially save and make relationships stronger.
The Third Piece: Action
Now, if you’ve got CLARITY on what you need or desire in your life and you have the CONFIDENCE to tell others what it is, then you have to take ACTION.
If you don’t take action, that’s the biggest way to completely shut down any possible voice or spirit in you that is going to move you forward. You have to take action.
Taking action in your health.
Maybe you're settling in your health, and you're feeling like you haven’t done anything in a long time and you can’t seem to move anymore or you have gained 20-30 pounds. That is how you are settling in your health.
If you had CLARITY that you want to lose some weight or be able to move easier, and you have the confidence to commit to it, then you need to TAKE ACTION.
The action doesn't have to be 150% crazy. You don't have to sign up for a triathlon. Maybe you can commit to walking 20 minutes a day. Maybe you can commit to throwing out the junk food. You have to do the action to reinforce the confidence.
Even if you only have a little bit of confidence to speak up or a little bit of confidence to get going, as soon as you take action, it's going to solidify that confidence and grow it.
Taking action in your home.
Maybe you got clarity on wanting a renovation. Maybe you got clarity on wanting to move. Maybe you got clarity and wanted to do something in your front or backyard. Great! And you have the confidence to speak up about it and get some money together… then take action on it. Make a plan. Commit to it. Hire people.
Taking action in your business.
I don't know how many times I've met people, and every year I met them, they say that they’re writing a book. I get curious, “When are you going to be done with this book?”
If you need accountability for action, then get the support. Hire a coach. Otherwise, it's going to be so easy to just slip back into being comfortable settling for less.
I know you want to stop settling. I know there's a part of you that also feels increasingly scared or nervous or fearful of taking the leap and failing. Taking the leap and it not fully working. Taking the leap and maybe losing someone in your life.
But you know what's worse? Settling for less and hearing the inner voice niggling at you every day. Do you know what else is worse? Getting to a point where you say yes, but it's just too late. You don't have the opportunity anymore.
Do you know what else is sad? Getting close to the end of your life and realizing, “I'm never going to be able to do that and I should have made that decision years and years ago. I should have at least tried.”
I've had clients who said they think they’re settling in their career. We searched for a new career, and they were stressed and it was affecting their health. It was affecting so many things. Then they came to a place of “Yes, I need to do this” but then they didn't do it. It was because they were too afraid to give up their lifestyle or too afraid of disappointing others, too afraid of not making it, or too afraid of success and what it could do to them. Can you relate?
I have now shared the 3 pieces to focus on. But what I hope for you is that you just start with the question of “Am I truly happy?”
Then go back through the questions of getting clarity, confidence, and getting into action. Because once you have that, all you need to do is take one step. Just one step.
I really want to honor all of the clients who have not settled, who have been courageous, who have taken the leap and who have worked with me. They didn't settle in their lives so they could get to that place of, “Wow, I am living the life I was meant to live.”
I want that for you as well. If you want to have a conversation about it, email me at my personal email email@example.com. Let’s talk about how I can help you not settle and coach you in the other areas of your life.
If you’re feeling stuck in the same place or that you've given up on some of your goals, then read on.
I'm very blessed to have such amazing female business leaders as clients. Even though they can be really successful, there have been many times in my over a decade of coaching hundreds of women, where they figure out that they’re not happy in a certain area of their life or they’ve been settling.
Satisfaction or Settling?
A woman came to me for coaching so she could build a new business. She already had a business that was doing quite well and wanted to add on. In our very first coaching session, she realized that her new business venture wasn't a viable business, but what she was already doing was really good!
The real reason she wanted to step into the new venture was because it felt exciting, wonderful, and a new opportunity. While her business was doing well, we uncovered other aspects of her life where she felt that she was settling and the NEW business was a bandaid infusing more happiness. With some focused questions, it became clear she wanted a new studio space.
In this first step, we focused on how she could get a bigger, and brighter studio space that she’d love. So she up-leveled her space.
But what happens when we up-level one part of our lives, is that we want to uplevel other parts. It's kind of like when you renovate one part of your house or even if you just repaint or update a little bit with some cushions, you then look at other spaces in your house and realize you want to renovate that space, too. It’s like dominoes throughout your house.
This is what happens when we finally focus on a place that we've been settling in. The cool thing was that after she had the confidence of up-leveling and not settling anymore in her business and the space that she worked in, she started looking at other areas of her life. We looked at her life piece by piece to design what was ideal.
She realized she was not happy with her apartment anymore. She wanted a better one in a more convenient location. You know what she did? She up-leveled her apartment.
She looked at her relationships, mainly her love interest. She thought she’s not happy and that she’s only settling. She then moved on from her boyfriend.
This is what happens. When you have the courage to change one area of your life, you won’t settle anymore. Then you’ll get into the joy of really stepping it up and the confidence to be able to make changes increases.
This was just one example of someone who moved really quickly with coaching. In around 30 days: she had a new studio, a new apartment, and said goodbye to her boyfriend.
This is possible. I'm not saying you have to move this fast as it’s not the case for everyone. But it can happen quicker when you get clear on where you're settling and then you start making some steps towards not settling anymore.
What Does Settling Mean?
Let's talk about settling. Often it means that we're being ok with less than ideal:
For example, if you settle for less in your relationships, it may be because…
But you're settling for less because that person is not the right fit for you. Just like if you were settling for less in your career.
When they realize that they're settling for less, it usually comes from a place of not feeling happy. There's a little voice in their head that says:
Or it’s a very loud screaming voice that's like:
The loud voice, the small voice, eventually, what happens is, if we don't listen to these voices, they either get louder and more persistent or they end up just giving up. That fire we had for our dream or for some need that we had, eventually, becomes a small flame. Without focusing on it, hearing it, acknowledging it, we will eventually extinguish the spark.
Can you relate in some way? It’s like living in black and white or like Groundhog Day all the time.
If you're settling in your career, there's no joy there. There's no growth. Every Sunday night, there's the dread of going to work on Monday morning.
If you're settling in your marriage or in another relationship, like one with a friend, and you have desire for more, but you’re settling, you’ll tell yourself, “This is good enough, and I'm okay here.”
But the key questions to ask yourself are:
“Am I unhappy?”
Then ask yourself, “Am I truly happy?”
Now what you need to watch out for is, you might not be unhappy, but you might not be happy.
That's a very bad place to be in because it's neutral. It's like, all feeling has been lost. If there's no negative feeling, but there's no positive feeling, there's just nothing there. It's a void, and you're probably pretending to be happy. You're keeping up appearances. But again, you're extinguishing the part inside of you that wants things to be different.
So I ask you now, do you have the courage to speak out loud whatever it is that you want?
Do you have the courage to speak it out loud? Is there someone you can tell? Then once you say it, do you have the courage to leap or to go for it?
Over the past year, I've been supporting clients to make really great leaps and to be able to move past some places where they felt they were settling: I had a client that is selling her home, jumping into an RV and traveling around. What an exciting opportunity. She had the courage to leap.
I have other clients who are working on their relationships and being honest about where they're at. Whether that means staying together and figuring it out or divorce. They had the courage to speak it out loud. Another client said that she felt it was a leap to invest in coaching for herself and it was an amazing decision she made.
This might have opened up some questions for you or the desire to move forward and not settle. Let’s chat. You can reach out at firstname.lastname@example.org to have a chat. Then in my next blog, I will share with you the 3-step process I teach my clients to help them NOT settle.
Have you ever thought about what it would be like to be a business leader and a parent at the same time? Or is this your current reality?
Being a business owner and a parent can be so stressful. Today, I’ll share with you what my experience has been and how I ended up birthing a business and a baby at the exact same time.
I actually was in a nine to five in my career when I was looking to build a business. I was doing my coaching certification and was getting ready to launch my business. What I didn't know is that even in the first segment of me getting my coaching certification, I would start to coach clients.
I started my business before I had left my career, which is often a great thing to do. It's like a “bridge job” that helps to support you financially while you're building your business.
Now, not everyone can or wants to do it and that’s totally fine. But I decided that I would use my maternity leave as an opportunity to fully launch my business. That might sound absolutely crazy, but it made sense for me.
People said, “You can't focus on your business when you have a baby. You’re going to have no time.” In one respect, that’s right. But in the other respect, I wasn’t at my 9-5 anymore, so my responsibility was less - I just had to be creative and flexible.
While I was coaching and running my business part-time while pregnant I ended up birthing a business and a baby at the exact same time in December 2011. I took about three weeks off from coaching clients. It was definitely a stretch, but it worked for me.
I knew I’d have to split up my workday, an hour here and two hours there while she slept where I could work. Then an hour here and two hours there, where I am focusing on my baby. I’d coach when my husband was home, or when I had baby coverage. I never returned to that job (just had it as a plan B). Three years later as I was growing my business, I realized it was time to grow my family, so we then had our son.
Now we have a seven-year-old and a ten-year-old, and I'm the primary caregiver because my husband works early or he works late. His shifts are all over the place. Since I work from home and schedule my own time, I'm the constant one for my family and the one who organizes the kids, the house, and everything else.
Being Pulled in Two Directions
Being a parent and a CEO is a constant personal pull between wanting to be at home and making grilled cheese sandwiches and wanting to go and build your empire. (The same can be true for working parents.) At least that's what I have experienced. I want to have both things. I want to be out there attending events, and flying around to speaking and coaching engagements. But I also wanted to be home watching my kids' baseball games or being the one there for their first words and their first steps.
Freedom to Choose
It's my decision that I travel for work, and that's fine. But also having my own business has allowed me to have the freedom to be at home. So that one year on that leave, it was amazing:
But in that 1st year since I was a business owner, I also had to pull away sometimes and go coach clients or attend a networking event. I'd have to find kid coverage and I’d miss out. That reality was a lot harder for me than it was for the women who were in a career and got a real full year off.
But the benefit is, when you have a business, you don't have to actually go straight back to work after that one year off. Having my own business has allowed me the freedom to be at home to be with my kids, and also to travel back and forth from BC to my hometown in Ontario to see my family, which was very important for me. You see, I didn't grow up with grandparents (they were in England) and so it was really important for me to be able to have my kids grow up with the grandparents.
Not only does becoming a parent really change you and change your business, but as a woman, it's also obvious that when you're increasing the size of your family, the amount of work that you have also increases.
Side note: if you have children, don't compare yourself to other people who don't have children or other people who are in a very different situation from you. I know many coaches who don't have children, and they have so much more time. Also don't compare yourself to someone who has kids, but has a nanny and has support so they can do more.
I Kept My Second Pregnancy a Secret
During my second pregnancy, I was doing a big launch of one of my new programs. I'll tell you a secret. I chose not to share about my pregnancy publicly. For five months, it was a secret. I was leading Dynamic Women events, I was seeing clients, I didn't tell anyone except my close circle that I was pregnant until I was five months along. Now, why would I do this?
Well, as a female business owner, I didn't want my potential clients to think that I couldn't do a great job serving them. I don’t want them to think:
On the flip side that, maybe they felt like they were burdening me:
So I waited until I couldn't hide it anymore.
You Need Support
The best thing I have done to be a really successful business owner and a kind of successful Mom (I'll be honest, I'm not winning at being a mom most days) is bringing a team to support me:
That's also what I have to do because I don't have family here. So what if my meals aren't always lavish and if my laundry isn't always folded? I've let go of that perfectionism a long time ago.
If you are going to be balancing these two high-priority, high needs, high energy, high demand things, then you need to be able to let some things go. My kids know I love them, and I'm not always present. I'll be honest, I'm not. While they may not always understand, and they may think that I’m always gone or always working, what they don't know is that other parents are…
This doesn’t make career parents bad parents, it’s pretty normal and they have other people in place to take care of these things.
What I hope for my family and what I hope for you and your children is that they're seeing their mom live their passion every day. Children should see their parents really love what they do and not settle. I hope you're able to play this lovely teeter-totter of putting your time and energy into both being a parent and being a business owner.
You are doing your absolute best at both. There will be days when one feels too hard, where you don't have success, where you maybe feel like you're a failure at both. There are many times that I've had those moments of frustration, “Wow, I am a crappy mom and a crappy business owner.” But I wouldn't change it for the world because I'm sure there would be times where I'd be a crappy career woman and a crappy mom.
I Choose this Hard
They're both hard. They're all hard. Being a parent in itself is hard. AND I'm going to pick this hard. But I want you to know… keep it going! You’ve got this! Do your best! Live Your Passion! Don't settle! Don't beat yourself up. Instead, know that what you're doing in the world is important. It's valuable, so just keep going and stay dynamic!
Why do you love being an entrepreneur? Let's get real about this.
No matter if I asked my Dynamic Women Community members, clients or audience members, the answer most often was… FREEDOM.
Many entrepreneurs say that freedom is the reason why they do what they do. But is that the truth?
Yes they can have freedom by having their own business. But what I uncover when we look deeper underneath is that they love to make their own decisions. Do you agree?
There are so many different pieces that you have the freedom to decide, and I'm going to share the Top Freedoms of Choice BUT ALSO the things to watch out for, so you don’t get hurt!
Number One: You have the FREEDOM to Choose YOUR Office Hours
If you're an entrepreneur, you get to choose when you work. You get to choose when you show up and when you finish your day. But what I often see in my clients is there are absolutely no boundaries. Have you felt that before? You feel like you’re working all the time.
Maybe you're working into the night, on the weekends, or on a holiday. Maybe you have clients reaching out to you in the evenings or during your off hours.
In order for you to really master being able to choose your own office hours, you need to set boundaries. Here are a few ways to do that:
Number Two: You have the FREEDOM to Decide Who You Work With
You get to decide the people you want to serve, and the clients/customers you want to be your target market. But the problem here is that a lot of times entrepreneurs want to serve everyone. In trying to serve everyone, you serve no one. Your marketing efforts are confusing and divided resulting in poor sales.
The main way to get around this is to just make sure you're super clear on your niche. I like to think of it like if I'm preparing for a blog, or a podcast then I sit there and I think, “Who is that woman reading the blog? Who is that woman who has earbuds in her ears and she's listening to me? What’s going on in her mind? What does she want and what is she struggling with?”
But what about all of the clients who could use your product or service? It’s ok. Stay in the abundance mindset, do not feel desperate or in scarcity wherein which could cause you to take anyone. Yes, you have the freedom to choose who you work with, but when you’re super clear then you will attract your ideal clients and you can be the master of that target market.
Number Three: You have the FREEDOM to Choose Who You Collaborate With
You get to decide who you collaborate with. In my book Dynamic You program and book, I share 16 different ways you can collaborate professionally and personally.
This might be:
But the key thing is, in partnerships and affiliates, not everything will work out. You may think they're a good person, and this won't get messed up. But you really need to have a clear plan for what you’re working on.
Not only that, you need to design the relationship of how you're going to work together. I talked about that quite a bit in my Dynamic You program and book. In designing a relationship, you really need to talk over your different needs and wants:
Even if it’s a personal project, or your gym accountability partners, design it like a business partnership. Imagine if you were going into business together, what are all the items that need to be discussed and agreed on. It doesn’t always have to be formal with a contract and lawyers, but it has to be really clear what each of you are bringing to the table, the roles and responsibilities, the timeline, etc.
You can choose who you want to collaborate with, but you really want to make sure that it's a good person and that it works out really well.
Number Four: You have the FREEDOM to Decide What You Offer
It could be products, services, programs, courses, or whatever it may be. You get to decide that. That's really amazing. But what I often see in clients is that they want to offer everything to everyone. You really got to pare down to go back to being clear about who you want to work with and what is the main thing that they need that they want to purchase. Then make an offerings calendar and a marketing calendar to go alongside it so that you know exactly in the year when you're offering certain products, services, and then you're going to be able to really market and sell it in the right way.
You have the ability to make all the decisions. Don’t let the freedom overwhelm or paralyze you. Go with what gives you energy and profits.
Number Five: You have the FREEDOM to Choose When You Have Time Off
Last week I chose to take time off this week because I have been sick. Also, my kids and hubby were home too which is also why it’s better to take time off. We get to choose when we have time off and when we travel.
This was really critical for me with wanting to live in BC but my parents being in Ontario. I wanted my kids to grow up with grandparents because I never did - they were in England.
When we first moved here and I was able to start my business it gave me the freedom to choose when I have time off, so I was flying home twice a year. Then in having children, we were flying home three times a year. Then when my dad got diagnosed with cancer, we were flying home four times a year. I was building the travel calendar into my business. Plus, since I was serving clients when I arrived in my hometown, the travel expenses were a tax write off.
We get to choose as entrepreneurs when we have time off. But the problem I see is people don't always take it. People just work themselves to the bone, working 80 to 90 hours a week, and they never take any time off.
The key thing here is just to put your vacation time in your calendar first. Not just think, “Oh, I'm going to take two weeks off this year”. Actually block off the vacation time, also include, “Me days”. Days for you. Days where you have no responsibility. Days where you wake up and decide what you want to do:
It's crucial to your business that you take time off, so you're rejuvenated and can show up in the best way possible. But if you want to be an entrepreneur, and you want the freedom to choose when you take time off, the key thing is you just have to take it.
Those are the five really crucial things to think about regarding your freedom. I see the 5 problems with freedom in women all the time and in my Dynamic Women Community. We have the freedom to decide these aspects. It’s also a responsibility and a priority for us to get super clear on each and to implement them in the best way possible. This will help us to have the true freedom we desire. Otherwise, we're basically just getting a job that doesn't give us enough of the freedom rewards that we really want to have.
Enjoy your freedom, entrepreneur! Choose wisely!
Have you been thinking that…
There may be something stopping you from getting ahead quickly and it’s making you feel overwhelmed.
This topic has been sparked by a multitude of areas that I have seen and worked in where I'm noticing how many women are doing it all themselves. This is not going to get into the topic of delegating -thought important. Instead, I want to highlight that if you're working by yourself in your business or in your career, you can start to feel like you're on an island all by yourself.
COVID-19 only made this worse because many of us are working from home or if we're at the office, we're in a limited capacity. There's not a lot of people. Plus, there's restricted interaction where normally you'd be hanging out by the water cooler and having a chat or you would be having big board meetings or you'd be going to see clients and customers.
For those entrepreneurs, you'd be at events, trainings, and masterminds. It came up again when I was brought in to speak at a conference for administrators. They talked about flying solo, and I gave them the image of a goose flying by itself. That's kind of a weird thing to see since you don’t normally see that in nature. More likely you see them flying in a V.
The reason why they fly together in that V is because of synergy:
There’s so much to learn from nature and it shows us how we really need to be. When I shared this at the conference, a lot of them said, “Yeah, I feel like I'm on an island all by myself.”
Isn't that sad? With how connected we are in the world, with all the social media platforms, with phones, the internet, and email we feel alone. All these options we have, including Zoom and the podcasts that you're listening to. People feel like they're on an island by themselves.
Maybe you want to answer this question that I asked them, “What's stopping you from getting ahead quickly and not being overwhelmed or lonely?”
You may think that you’re ok because…
But how many of these people are truly invested in you in these ways?
If you don't have that, then it could be what's holding you back.
Many times with clients of mine who are running their own businesses or they're in a high-level position in a company, they come to me because they're missing that ability to brainstorm ideas with someone else. I often do that either in a one-on-one setting with them or I bring them into a group mastermind program like She's Goaled.
But it’s virtual and more impactful to have the consistency of the same people or the same person that's:
That's what helps you get ahead.
That's what ensures you’re not overwhelmed because they're going to help you break things down into smaller, more manageable steps.
They're going to help to really combat any of those limiting beliefs that pop up and rear their ugly heads and hold you back.
Being on an island all by yourself is lonely. When you're lonely, that can get you into depression or deflate your confidence. When you're feeling like you're all alone, motivation, focus and belief in yourself can disappear.
You may think, “Wow, that's a lot of negative things that can happen. It won’t happen to me.” But it can slowly happen over time and you might not notice it. Like a bank of a river being slowly eroded away.
You might start feeling these things:
Have any of those symptoms popped up for you?
If you're not surrounded by people who are providing support and camaraderie for you, then it's time to find those people. I encouraged the group of admins to have five people. Five people where they know they can call on them
If you don't have those five, today's the day to start. If you only have one or none, that's okay. Start by thinking about:
Then look to who can help you achieve that. I’ll speak the hard truth though…not everyone will be as committed as you and people can let you down.
But there is a solution. If you…
Then I invite you to join the She’s Goaled Coaching Mastermind Program. The doors are open. We have a few spots in that program that are now available.
This program has been called the speed course to reach your goals. What I've found is that the bonds that are made in this program between the different people are huge. Confidence increases and since everyone is following a proven process success is guaranteed.
I've seen some of the women in the program go from, ‘I don't know if I can do this” to a little bit of a badass, and their confidence has soared. Their self efficacy is cemented in. They are ready to take on new and bigger goals.
I love how at the start of our meetings when I asked, “What's a success you've had recently?” I hear such amazing answers:
There are so many great things that happen in this community. These women definitely don't feel like they're on islands by themselves. Nothing is stopping them from getting ahead quickly and they're not overwhelmed.
I encourage you to go to the following to choose which of the three packages is best for you. http://www.dianerolston.com/shes-goaled-coaching-mastermind.html
And when you reach your goals quickly you’ll be able to have more time freedom, more financial success and more of what you want most in life.
Read my other blogs here:
1. How to NOT be Tired, Busy, and Overwhelmed
2. Stop Juggling everything! Tips to help you avoid overwhelm
3. Is Your Business Taking Over Your Life?
There are a lot of reasons why it’s hard to say NO, especially for women. Some of these could be:
When you have to say no someone or you have to say no to a really cool opportunity, it feels like:
Did you know that a stronger “YES” makes it easier to say “NO”?
I think I originally started talking about this in my Dynamic You Program and it’s an absolute favorite concept of my clients.
Torn between saying “Yes” or “No”
As I share some examples see if you can relate:
It was a time when I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. I was putting together a big summit. I was coaching my clients. My assistant was going to be finishing up. There was just a lot on my plate. Then my husband and my kids said to me that they wanted to go skiing. That’s a great idea, and I wanted to go too; however, the other part of me was already feeling overwhelmed.
Moms, you know what it’s like getting the family ready for anything! There's a lot to prepare: kids clothes, skis, boots, snacks… then carrying it all, putting it all on and then taking it all off. I didn’t want to do any of it and I didn’t think I could handle it anyway.
I had to think about what was important. My family is important- yes. My relationship with them is important- yes. Exercise is important- yes. But at that specific moment, I was feeling like my mental health was the most important. What I really just needed was time to myself. I sat with that realization for a while. I’ll admit I shed a few tears.
I told my husband that I really don't want to go. That I wanted to be alone, have some downtime, and just be by myself. He was understanding. The most important thing was that I said YES to me! Which then made it easier to say NO to them. That’s a hard decision because as a Mom I usually pick my family. But in this case, I really had to choose myself.
PRESSURE TO SAY YES:
Another example was when I was on a board and was asked to take on more roles than what I was already doing. I said, “No, I can’t take on more.” When I was pressed a little further, I said, “No, I was busy.”
What's crazy is that the response back to me was, “Well, we're all busy.” Side note, saying “No” is a complete sentence. But most people just won't take no as an answer. I felt like I couldn't just stand confidently in my no and I had to give a reason. I agree we were all busy, but I was the only one on the board with children. Not to say that other people aren't busy without kids, but if you have kids or even fur babies, you are responsible for them 24/7 and you need to do so much for them.
My free time was super limited, so I had to say “No”. I was already giving lots. I started to feel bad and thought that maybe I needed to take on more because everybody was taking on more.
I had to look at it from a different angle, “What do I need to say YES to?”
Once I got really clear on the things I wanted to say YES to, I was asked again by the board to take on more roles. I replied this time with more confidence, “I would love to but I'm saying YES to strengthening my marriage and my relationship with my children.”
The little change in my answer and a reframe to how I spoke about it had me stand very firmly in that Yes. YES to putting some of my own priorities before this request.
SAY YES TO YOUR OWN GOALS
I had a client who was running an event at her child's school for many years. It was taking a lot of her time and energy away from her business, family and herself. I asked her, “Is it time to pass that off to someone else at the school to do?” She responded, “Ya maybe. My daughter graduated a few years ago.” What?! So she was doing this for the school PAC to raise money for a school and her child wasn’t even going there anymore.
Then I asked her what she would do with that time and energy. She said she’d:
It was hard for her to say NO for many years, but now she found her stronger yes. It was hard for her to pass this off to someone else. But as soon as we put it in that perspective of what would you say YES to instead, it was super clear and she delegated it off her plate.
All of these have shown me that when we have a STRONG YES it’s easier to say NO.
So what do you wish you could say yes to in your life?
What are you saying YES to in the world? Or mainly, what do you want to say YES to and then look at all the things in your life that you really want to say NO to.
So what now?
Make a list of all the things you would like to say NO to and all the things you wish you could say YES to. I don't know how many times I've heard from clients that they wish they could have more fun:
You can have everything you want, just not all at the same time. But how sad when your life is filled with things you don't want.
You don't have to keep saying YES to things you don't want in your life. Yes, we have to honor some obligations or commitments or priorities in order to really care and support people we love most. But on that day I said YES to myself and stayed home by the end of the day when my family got home, I was ready to welcome them back. I was rested. I felt calm. I felt grateful.
When I've said YES to my family instead of saying YES to that board, it made a difference.
Look at every area of life.. all 10 areas and ask yourself, Where do I want to say yes? And where do I need to say no? Then leave a comment. Let me know how this goes. If you're having trouble with the conversation where you’ll be saying NO, that is one of my specialties. Reach out to me email@example.com.
Do you feel like you’re dropping the ball and don’t know how to get back on top?
We have this metaphor about juggling balls in our lives with all of the tasks we are trying to get done. When we forget something or don’t do something we say, “Oh I dropped the ball on that.”
This could just be a normal occurrence because you always have too much on your plate, and you're always busy. You're always running from one thing to another. Or maybe it's because life got busy all of a sudden:
Even your kids, softball, and coach add another layer of responsibility. I know that you want to be on top of things. I know you want to be the one who not only does what they say, but also does it in a way that has great results.
You don't want to be just doing things at 50%. I know you want to get things done the right way andon time with the best results possible.
What do we do when we have so many balls we’re juggling or so many plates that we’re spinning? How do we get through that time where it feels crazy?
In one way or another, we’re going to drop something, forget something, not complete something and not do the best job we wanted to do.
Imagine we’re juggling so many balls when life gets overwhelming and we’re bound to drop a ball here or there. That can be a problem. Again imagine we’re juggling balls but this time, some are glass balls and some are rubber balls. If you drop a rubber ball they will bounce and you can just pick them up later. But if you drop the glass balls they will be damaged or break when you drop them.
First of all, how do you know which are glass balls and which are rubber balls? Well, I have to let you know that this will change constantly. It's really about you sitting down with all the areas of life.
Things like your health, kids, and finances are usually the glass balls. If you drop them, they will crack, or break and there will be consequences:
You have to ask yourself, "At this moment in time, which areas of my life are the most important?" By most important, I mean, which areas if dropped, will break, will crack, and there will be consequences. Let me go through the different areas:
Look at all areas of your life and ask yourself, which are my top priorities right now in life?
I'd say maybe you have three or four glass balls. Oftentimes, when life gets overwhelming or when we get sick or something extra falls onto our plate, this is when we have to go into “maintenance mode”. This means the mode where you figure out what your glass balls are, which are rubber balls, so your focus is on the important ones and then you don't have to worry about those areas as much. You can drop or lower your standards and your attention to those areas.
For example, the time when my son broke his femur. He was about two and a half. He was in a hip spica cast, basically a full body cast. With that, he was at home and he needed me for everything. You know how toddlers are. They want a lot and very quickly.
I'm working from home, but I'm also caring for him. So I knew that things like cleanliness of the house or seeing my friends and time with my husband at that point just wasn't as important. These were a few of the balls that I could just let bounce. They were rubber.
Other times like in the passing of my father, or even in the time that he was in palliative care, I knew that my glass balls at that moment were my family, my health, my friends, and my spiritual life. My business, I put on the backburner (other than serving my current clients), also my personal development and fun and recreation. These other areas just were not on my radar.
What you can do
I ask you now, based on where you are in life, which are the glass balls that you're juggling, and which ones are your rubber balls? Now that you know that, what do you do with that information?
You need to make sure that your calendar has time for the glass balls. That your schedule adds in focus time so you can do things to help those areas, strengthen them, or check things off on your list. Then look at the rubber balls. What does it mean to let things go in those areas, to let things slide or to go into maintenance mode where you just maintain that level, or you let it go just slightly below your satisfaction level and you don't put as much focus on it? If it works for you financially, you can also bring in help for those areas, like a cleaner, a meal service, or take an Uber instead of the bus to save time.
What does it look like if the rubber ball involves other people? For example, if you were to do this with friends, you can reach out to friends and say, “Hey, I've got this big project at work right now, so I'm not going to be able to make our weekly meal out or a weekly call. It's just for the next three weeks, and then I would love to reconnect with you all.” I’m sure they will understand.
Maybe you've been reading every day for 10 minutes or a half hour and you know that you need that extra time to be able to check in on a family member. Great. So be it. You just don't read as much for that week or two.
You get to make the decision. You get to decide what you are keeping and what you are putting on pause or just not putting as much time and energy into. This idea of we're all juggling glass balls and rubber balls really just comes down to:
You don't have to be on top of everything in every single area of life. This tactic is really one of the easiest ways to rebalance your life to be able to refocus on the things that are most important and will really help you to move forward. As a reminder, each time you go into “Maintenance Mode” could give you a different set of priorities, a different set of glass balls.
You just really need to be the one to make that decision, then put a plan in place and let those around you know if they're going to be involved or affected by it. Many times in my life, I have had to go into maintenance mode. I have had to let the rubber balls just bounce and bounce and bounce. This is not a forever thing. Eventually you do get to pick those balls up and honor those priorities again. But at certain points in your life:
It doesn't matter. What matters is your sanity. What matters is your priorities. What matters is you're going to be able to overcome this and move into a time where you get to pick all those balls up again and juggle them while feeling calm and confident.
If you're looking for a way to find more balance in your life or to go deeper on your priorities and how to really figure out which balls are glass and which balls are rubber, then reach out and let's do the “Life Balance Audit”. This is a complimentary session I offer from time to time which will help you see where you can balance your life. I have 5 to gift right now and you can book yours by messaging me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Do you need a proven method to boost your confidence?
Confidence is one of those things some people think either you're born with or you're not, but the truth is it’s something you can build in yourself.
You’ll love this one simple and easy action that you can do to boost your confidence in any area of life and also at any time in your life.
The problem with confidence is that we feel like we need to be confident with everything, right from the very beginning. This is almost never the case, especially with something that's new.
I look back now after publishing four of my own books and being published in three others. I can remember that first time, that idea of “Oh my gosh, I'm going to put a book together. I’ve never done this before. How am I going to do this? I'm freaking out!”
Then, my saboteurs were coming in and saying a whole bunch of stuff like:
Have you heard those voices before, the limiting beliefs can hold you back?
Well, the easiest way to shut them up and the fastest way to boost your confidence is to say you're going to do something and then do it.
Let me illustrate
If you say, “I'm going to write a book” it might feel like a big leap. It’s a big thing to be taking on and in saying it, you could be thinking, “I'm not going to feel confident if I say that I'm going to be an author.”
Instead, could you just do that first step? Now, what would be the first step to writing a book? Sit with that question for a minute. What would be the first step to writing a book?
Do you think that you could figure out that one first step and then do it? So let's say that you were going to write a book and that first step was to come up with what you would write about. How long do you think it would take you to figure that out? Maybe just a half hour asking yourself some questions and brainstorming. Who knows you might already have it off the top of your head.
So let’s say the first task towards writing your own book was choosing a topic/message, or deciding whether it's fiction or nonfiction.
Just make sure the step is something you 150% believe you can do. Then when you say you'll do it, you commit to doing it, and you actually do it - this is how you build confidence.
If you don't know how to do the step, how could you figure that out? You break it down even smaller than that. For example, to figure out the topic for your book here’s how you could get it done.
See, these are all easy first steps. What seems to be “a hard first step'' can be broken down even smaller.
Then the next step of committing could be, “I'm going to have a conversation with a coach, a book publisher, a friend, or a client. I'm going to book that call. I'm going to have that call.” What if that was your first step? Are you 150% sure that you could do that? If the answer is yes. Then you do it.
When you commit to something that you 150% know that you can do, that you have the ability to do, and that you will do, then you go do it. That is you proving you can do the things you say you'll do. That you can be committed and follow through. This is the easiest way to build confidence.
Here’s another example, if your goal is to increase your confidence in working out or going to the gym, the first step can be to call a gym and ask about membership? It could be buying that new pair of running shoes!
Though calling the gym is not working out, just doing this first step, this small first step, saying you'll do it, actually following through and doing it and having the result, this will build your confidence.
Then when you get a whole bunch of these “150% I can do this” sort of steps, you build confidence with each step, and you get closer and closer and closer to the goal.
This is how I originally started with putting together the Dynamic You book. What's it about you ask? Well, since I was leading a group called Dynamic Women, everyone kept asking me, “So Diane, what's a dynamic woman?” I thought maybe it was time to actually share the answer. Then I had a conversation with a friend who walked me through what else would be in it. We talked about it and she was able to pull the information out of me.
The first thing I committed to was the same as my example, what do I want it to be about? I 150% knew that I could come up with one topic. Then I 150% knew I could have a conversation with a friend and talk through it. By then talking it through, I committed to figuring out what the chapters would be by coming up with a framework. The framework was having the Nine Pillars of being a Dynamic Woman. I committed to defining the Nine Pillars, and then I committed to fleshing out each chapter.
I’ll admit I was freaked out when I thought, ‘I'm going to write a book.’ The funny thing is I also had to do it in 90 days because it was being purchased for a women’s convention that I was being flown in to present at. But that's what ended up happening because all I did was commit to the next step that I could 150% do.
Then Your Confidence Grows More!
Then not only do you build confidence by doing those small steps, but then you feel more confident to take on bigger goals and opportunities. Ones that push your boundaries, different steps, different tasks that you never would have thought of doing before. I would have never thought of formatting my own book, and publishing it on Amazon. I never would have thought to do a collaborative book and welcome other women to share their story not once but I did it twice. If you told me all that on day one, I wouldn't have believed it. I would have been freaked out. I would have thought, how can I ever do that?
Now the cool thing is, I'm so confident about putting out books that I have also shown my team how to publish a Journal and helped clients to put together their own books! But I never started that way.
Taking off the pressure of knowing every single step, and having to be ready for each of those steps on day one, helps to build your confidence because all you have to do is know what the next step and be 150% confident that you can do it, and then follow through.
I ask you now what area of life do you need to boost your confidence in?
So what do you do now? Figure out something that you want to accomplish and ask yourself, what is the smallest first step that you could possibly take, that you 150% believe, that you can achieve. Then go do it. You'll start to see what you can accomplish and your confidence increases.
I know you can figure out that 1st simple step and get it done!
The next step will increase in its level of difficulty. But you got this. You can do it. When you apply this, let me know how it goes. Comment below. Share in a post and tag me. Or shoot me an email at email@example.com
Have you ever felt that you had so many things vying for your attention that you wondered, “where should I focus my energy and attention?”
Probably. I’ll help you answer this.
Maybe in the past 20 months, you’ve had to keep checking with regulations, restrictions, and with ways of keeping everyone safe.
These are common thoughts:
And now it’s the start of 2022. Where you put your time, energy and attention is important for your success.
I’m going to ask you some powerful questions (because questions are always the things that move us forward).
The First Question
In 2021 and in past years, where have you invested your time, energy and money?
If I was to take your calendar I could probably see where you focused your energy and attention.
But what else didn’t make it in your planned schedule?
I hope you've got some idea of where you did focus. Moving forward, is that still where you want to focus your attention? Is that the best place to invest your time, energy and money?
Well, I'll tell you, the best places to choose are the ones that give you the biggest return on investment. You need to know that. What is going to be giving you the best ROI?
What area could you focus on that would actually give you a 10x return?
You know the area. It's you. You are where you should invest your time. You are where you should invest your energy. You are where you should invest your money.
Because you're going to have the biggest return, not just in your work or in your business, but in all 10 areas of life.
Sadly, as women, we tend to focus on other people’s needs. We forget about ourselves. We need to focus on ourselves and not feel guilty about it. And I find a lot of people invest in outward things. But why don't we invest in ourselves first? It could be that you grew up in a place or a time when you spend money on the things you needed like in the traditional sense like Maslow's Hierarchy of needs. You need shelter, so you’re paying your rent or you’re paying your mortgage. You need food so you’re paying for groceries. Same with medicine and also clothes.
All these different examples are items you really have to buy to be able to stay safe and secure.
Then there's the wants. Those cute shoes or handbag. Maybe some special spa services. The things that you think are the extras or that you still buy, but you're not getting as much of an investment back.
We've maybe been taught to go without it. You could feel like if you’re going to have any money to invest, it's going to be in marketing your business or in paying for services for your business. That's all great, but your yearly budget should also include personal development.
Some people wouldn't even think twice about putting 20, 40, or 100 grand down for university, but they wouldn't invest in:
What's the difference?
Answering these questions is going to bring some things into light and help you decide what you want to focus on.
You do get excited about stuff, right? What do you like? What excites you? What gets you all fired up? Do you get excited about watching your kids play sports? Do you get excited about playing the piano? Or maybe about cooking? Or your favorite TV show? Or a certain type of car? What gets you all fired up? What gets you all excited?
2. How excited do you get about your own potential?
Do you even get excited about your potential? Have you even thought about your potential? You're maybe like, “Oh, not really. I just kind of make goals and go for it.” But if you can get excited about your own personal potential and set goals around that, where could you be at the end of the year? Have you figured that out?
You may be thinking about goals, and you've written them down, and maybe written down a business plan or a strategy for the next 12 months. But have you planned about where you want to be and how you want to grow personally by the end of the year?
Imagine if you were just 1% better every single day. So you worked on your potential, and you stepped into that 1% every day. You did something to better yourself, whatever it may be:
Now, if you do that 1% every single day, by the end of the next 12 months, you'd be 365% better. That's all you really need to do.
How excited do you now get about your own potential? Have you thought about what your own potential is? Or do you feel like you're in the fixed mindset of “This is how I am and I'm just not good at that or not good at this or I've capped out where I can get promotions or I've kind of hit the level of my business success.”
We talk to kids about their potential:
We talk to kids about where they should go and what they need to do to get there. But are we doing that for adults still? I don't think so. Do you have a plan on what you need to do to be able to reach that full potential?
Probably not. Most of the people I speak with and the audiences I'm giving keynotes to or doing workshops for, they don't even know what they want. They don't know enough about themselves. And when they do well, they don't even celebrate their successes.
How can you step into your potential, if you don't even celebrate who you already are? I’m not talking about like potential to have this much in sales. I mean, your human potential.
Yes, we can get excited about business. We can get excited about goals, but not to be a downer,the only constant is you!
Jobs come and go. Some marriages come and go. People come and go. Health comes and goes. You are the only constant. You are the only one who will stay the same in your life, meaning you're the only one that will be there.
By staying the same, I don't mean that you're always going to be the same person. But you will be the only one or the only constant in your own story.
Where you should focus your attention then does come down to one question…
What do you want the end of your year to look like?
Now is the time to invest some time, energy and money into yourself. A great option is the Dynamic Year program where we will create a dynamic one page plan that you can use as a compass to tell you where to focus your resources. It’s all about making the achievement of your success easier and to increase your confidence while doing it. My clients do this program year after year and swear that it has increased their success not just that year but every following year. Check it out here.
In my next blog, I will share with you the second question that you need to answer.
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