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We've all been there. We’ve all had a day when something didn't go right. Maybe…
 We feel like we're in a mood, and we're down. All we want to do is cancel everything in our day and just do nothing. Well, that's not always a possibility. Even when we have the time and space, it's not necessarily how you want to be functioning. These are quick tips to get you out of a mood so that you can continue your day. But I'm also not suggesting you ignore your feelings or just keep putting band-aids on a problem. There are other techniques to properly deal with the underlying nature and emotions that bring you into a mood because maybe some examples aren't even why you're in the mood, and you don't know why. You don't know what's causing you to be in a mood. That's okay, too. That happens. But sometimes, we have responsibilities and things we must do, and we don't have the privilege of time and space. Try out these three techniques. Let me know which one works best for you. They're the things that I like to do that move me out of a mood, at least temporarily. Quick tip #1: Give your feelings some space If you have just had something happen or feel like you're in a mood, give yourself a certain amount of time to be in that mood. It might be 15 minutes or an hour, but give your feelings space. What we definitely don't want to do is suppress our feelings and completely ignore them. If you're in a meeting and someone said something upsetting, or you're in the middle of a soccer game and you're frustrated, take that time. Maybe you excuse yourself during an office meeting and go into the bathroom for a few minutes to give yourself some space. I've done this on the soccer field before. I've asked for a sub just to get off the field because mentally, I'm in a mood, or someone ticked me off, or we've just had something, and I just can't perform at my best level at that moment, so I need some space. I don't come off and then talk with everyone. I come off, and I'm in my zone for a moment to just be able to deal with what's there. Giving feelings space could also mean for you…
We had a frustrating soccer game recently, and I re-injured my hamstring. It wasn't fully healed, and I did something that hurt it again. I was completely frustrated, so I called my husband before driving home and said, “Hey, heads up. We had a bad game. I'm injured. This is why the game was bad. This is how I got injured. When I get home, I don't want to talk about it anymore.” But that gave me the time to go home in the car, to have my own space with the feelings, and to allow them to move around and for me to move through them. We often have unwanted emotions. It’s ok. They're telling us something, and we just need to listen to them to be able to move through them. If we try to push them down, they’ll get bigger and worse. Quick Tip #2: Get moving The second tip is to get moving and, ideally, enjoy nature. Sometimes, when I'm frustrated by my day or can't focus anymore, I'll just say, “Diane, go for a walk.” My favourite place to go for a walk is in the forest. Walking in the forest calms me. Moving my body helps release endorphins and gets me in that feel-good place again. Now, I'm not always feeling 100% afterward, but at least it pulls me out of the mood slightly. Getting a little bit of that blood flow going really helps. In those moments, I make sure not to listen to a podcast. Music is okay as long as it's keeping me in the space, usually Christian music because I know it's going to be positive, and it's not going to be anything too heavy or with lyrics that will jar me. Maybe you're in a space where you can't do these things. Even in a building on a rainy day, you could go and walk stairs. I don't mean run stairs. I mean, walk stairs. You can even go and walk the floors. You could walk the parking lot, just getting your body moving. If you only have a few minutes, and you are physically able, maybe it's 10 jumping jacks. Just something to get your body going and to move you out of your head.  You need a mood booster. Many people turn to donuts, cookies, alcohol, or caffeine drinks, but that isn't always the best choice in the long run. If you can get your body moving, it's going to help to pull your brain away from the moment and allow you to move physically from the negative mood that you were stuck in. Quick Tip #3: To do something you enjoy Something you enjoy could be reading, coloring, painting, listening or dancing to music, talking with a friend, or going to a gallery. The list goes on and on. But it's doing something you enjoy and not completely numbing your mind. This is not watching TV. It might be watching comedy because you want to laugh. But it's not scrolling aimlessly through social media. Have some intention about it. Is there something specific that you enjoy about social media or about TV? Then maybe that could be a good fit for you. Maybe you have a favourite show, comedy, or something that just makes you feel good. This is not binge-watching.  This isn't about losing yourself in it. These are intentional activities that boost your mood. You could bake, cook, or sew. There are so many hobbies out there.
If you had a day off, what would you do with your time? You would not go and clean your house unless you really enjoy cleaning it. Hey, who am I to judge? Doing something you enjoy will naturally boost your mood and help you feel better. Even if you're like, “I don't have time. I have a business meeting, I have to get back to it,” could you have a phone call with a friend for a few minutes? Can you watch one positive video? Can you do one small thing that will help improve your mood? I know you can do it. Wrapping Up These are the three quick tips to get you out of a mood. Give your feelings space, getting you moving, preferably enjoying nature, and doing something you enjoy. If you have something that is a bigger mood, a long-lasting depression, anxiety or such, these tips are only going to give you brief relief. They are not going to get to the heart of what's going on with you. I do encourage you to get support, get a counselor, talk to your health care providers, have a coach, have something in place to bring you consistently up. Then you can tap into these quick tips to get you out of a mood because you're already at a higher baseline. These tips are things I do when I've just had a rough time and especially before my family gets home. These are the things I try to do so that my family gets the better version of me, not the one that's going to take them down. They'll get the wife, and mother that has the opportunity to show up as they need me to be. Taking that time is important. Sometimes, I'll say to my hubby, “I just need to go for a walk. I need some space.” Going for a walk in nature actually checks off all of these tips: it gives my feelings some space, gets me moving, and I really enjoy being in the forest. If you want to discuss this further and get some coaching support, you can email me at [email protected] or reach out to me on any of the platforms where I am. Comment below with some other quick tips to get out of a mood! Read my other blogs: 1. 3 Ways You’ll Get Left Behind by NOT Being an Author 2. How to Boost Your Confidence 3. Steal My Strategy for Delegating
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In this blog, I'm going to talk about the step you're missing on the way to achieving the success you want. It's funny because it's the final step, and it's the overlooked step. A lot of times in life, we have so many things we want to achieve in so many different areas of life. Yet, do you know what we forget? We forget the part that's the most fun, the part that's actually the most crucial to capturing the learning, locking in the feeling and building our confidence. What is it? It’s celebrating and making a big deal out of an achievement. I'm going to give you an example that kind of sparked this conversation for us today.  My daughter’s baseball game My daughter plays baseball. Will she one day play professionally? Will she get all expenses paid scholarship for university? That’s not the goal. It’s about having fun and getting the benefits of playing organized sports. But she's not going to be the MVP of every game. She's in it because she's having fun. She's got friends there. She is pushing herself athletically. She's getting all the benefit. We feel like she's already won in that regard. But one game, recently, she caught a hit that was above her head. If you can imagine in baseball, even if you haven't played, you know that when someone catches the ball, and when it's straight hit from the batter, and they catch it, the player is automatically out. It was a pretty big hit. It was going to go into the outfield, and she put up her glove, she caught it. Yay, win number one! But then, she was standing between second and third, keeping it super simple for my non-baseball friends here, so the runner from second was going to third. She caught the ball, brought it down into her glove, and tagged the runner from second to third causing them to be out as well. It was a double play by her, solely her. This is a pretty big deal, especially at her level. Double plays don't happen very often. If they do, they're in a combination of different players, one passing to another, throwing to another. For one person to get a double play, it doesn't happen very often. There's not as much play when you're 12 years old and playing in the under thirteen's. But we wanted to make a big deal out of this. At the end of the game, I said to her, “Wow, that was an amazing double play. We need to celebrate.” She's like, “Oooh, what's that mean?” I said, “Well, we’ll celebrate! You can get something from the concession stand. We could get a McFlurry from McDonald's, or we could go get whatever you wanted at Dairy Queen.” She said, “Oh, can I get a blizzard?” “Of course, family blizzards”. We as a family after the game went to have blizzards in her honor. You may think, “Oh, no big deal. She didn't win the championship. She wasn't MVP. But for us, it was important for us to make that into a big deal – a celebration.  You might be judging, “Well, that's not very healthy to be giving ice cream.” Whatever. We wanted to mark this special occasion and have her be the center of our attention for this moment based on this extraordinary performance – and ice cream is special for kids. Yes, we talk about committing to the team and playing well and doing your best and all that. But that was a special moment. When I think back, I remember the times when others celebrated me, and I was celebrated for what I did. My hope is this is something that sticks in her memory. You know what the fun thing was? She started hitting better the next game. She started being more confident as a player in the next game. Since then, she has become a higher-level player. Other people are noticing her confidence in the field and her ability. She's caught more balls. Now instead of this surprised face that she did on that double play, she's loving it. She's really embracing this kind of new level of success for her – and I see the celebration made a huge difference. Time to ask yourself It made me think, how often do you make a big deal about yourself or allow others to make a big deal for you out of common everyday occurrences?
 Now every time it doesn't have to be “Hey, family, we're going for blizzards.” But could it be, “Ah, that's amazing. I'm going to go sit in the forest or I'm going to go walk on the beach because that's what I love to do.” Celebrating Boosts Your Confidence Do you actually celebrate? Because doing that action of celebrating will give you exactly what it gave my daughter. It will boost your confidence because you are being honoured for something good you did or for being able to get over a hard time. Your confidence and belief in yourself will go up, and that's huge. Also, your self-efficacy, the belief that you can do hard things or that you can apply yourself to different situations, will go up. What I've seen with clients is the ability to transfer achievements and skills. Your self-efficacy transfers over to you believing you can do things in other areas of life. I believe the confidence my daughter gained by being honoured for that achievement is going to carry over to other areas of her life as well, which is so exciting. Think of what can happen for you if you were to also do that. The next time you're doubting yourself, you'll be reminded of how it felt to be in that moment when you were celebrated. Your self-esteem, in general, will increase as well. The way you view yourself as a winner, or as an achiever, or as someone who can do good things, whatever you want to call it. That's going to help you when you're in the valley of another goal, the hard part of another achievement, or in another area of life, that feels hard. That's going to help you not get stuck because you're going to say, “I can do this. I can get through this.” You're going to be able to look over the waves, look past the storm, to the place where you say, “I'm going to get there. I've done this before, not in the same area of life or situation. But I've been through hard things. I can do this.” Celebrate your success Unfortunately, people don't celebrate their successes. They don't acknowledge any milestones or achievements, and they just barrel past to the next goal. I'll tell you, you're missing this crucial step. Celebrating is such a crucial step. That's why we have a launch party every time we do a collaborative book. Now, the first time we had a launch party, both in British Columbia and in Ontario, because the majority of the authors were there, and then with COVID, we started to do virtual book launch parties. The reason why we continue to do virtual is because our authors are from all over the place. It makes more sense because we can't bring everyone together and I want everyone to be celebrated by having a virtual party, not just a book launch, but a party! (Sidenote: Doors are open for authors for Leadership Secrets, the fourth book in the Dynamic Women Secret series.) What I found with the launch parties is that is when people actually felt like an author. That's when they stepped into that place of, “Whoa, I actually did this. I wrote something, and I put out a book.” Even if they're not the ones who published the book, and they didn’t layout the book, or edit it, and all that stuff because we do all that: they felt so great as an author. They got to feel like authors, and that exact moment they held the book was super powerful. But the moment they were honoured at a party, that's when they really got to step into being the author. If you want to feel that next level of success, that additional title, that credibility, that expert status, you need to celebrate that moment. The holding of the book was one moment for people to celebrate, but the next was publicly being honoured.  For you, what I hope is that you look at the moments where you've done well and write down what you learned. Ask yourself these questions:
You can use my Dynamic Year Journal. It prompts you every week to record your achievements and lessons learned, as well as a bunch of other things that will help you have the most dynamic year. But this is crucial. Celebrating is crucial for you to move forward faster. I've mentioned confidence, self-efficacy, self-esteem, and the ability to persevere to the next goal, but also to achieve more faster because in that celebration piece, when you claim that title, you claim what you have accomplished, and you move yourself to that next level. This is crucial. It is crucial for your growth and for you to reach more goals to maximize the time that you do have. I'd love for you to be part of the next book. We will celebrate you and honour you with a book launch party, and we will have a lot of fun in the process. This week, look at how you can celebrate something you've achieved in any area of life. Read my other blogs: The Signs of Being an Imposter and Strategies to Prevent Yourself from Feeling like a Fraud.6/19/2024 In my previous blog, I shared the six common factors that can cause you to feel like a fraud. As promised, today, I’ll share the common signs of being an imposter and the strategies you can use to prevent yourself from feeling like a fraud.  Common signs of being an impostor If you're not sure if you are feeling like a fraud, then let's look at some common signs of being an impostor. 1.) Overwork You may overworked and be doing it on purpose. You take on more work to compensate for feeling inadequate. 2.) Attributing success to luck Do you attribute your success to luck rather than skill? You find yourself saying, “No, I just got lucky. Right place. Right time. Great team.” You don't actually just receive acknowledgment. Do you give your success to others? 3.) Fear of being found out Do you have a fear of being found out? For example, that people will find out that it's your first time writing a report or taking on a big client? Or you're waiting for that email where the client will say. “Actually, no, I don't want to work with you anymore” because you feel like that's coming. These are some signs that maybe you are feeling like a fraud. What I’ve seen When I put out the Dynamic Women Success Secrets book with 52 other authors, it was fascinating because a lot of the authors didn't want to promote the book. I asked, “Why not? This is a big accomplishment.” I didn’t get a clear answer. When it came to the party, not only were many of the authors not inviting their family, friends, network, clients—they weren't even going to show up themselves. That was shocking for me because I was thinking, “This is a major accomplishment. You need to be there. We want to celebrate you and have you autograph the books.” Eventually, I learned from some of the authors that they didn't feel like real authors for many reasons.
In your life, maybe in some place, you feel like a fraud. Maybe you're hiding things. Maybe your career isn’t what you want it to be. Maybe your marriage isn't that great, and you're hiding that because there's no right place for you to share it. That's okay. I encourage you, though, to go find somewhere where you can share about these. With my coaches and the ones who support me in a really deep way, I joke with them and say, “I think I just pay you to hear me cry.” Because when I go to them, I bring my mess. I bring the rawness. I bring the pieces that are the hardest for me to handle so that I can be magnificent in the world. I'm not going to divulge every single little thing that I'm struggling with. But that helps me to be able to be real with you about things I'm going through. If you feel like a fraud and are not being real about how you feel, please make sure you have someone in your life who can support you. Strategies to prevent yourself from feeling like a fraud. I'm going to discuss some strategies for getting over feeling like a fraud and some real solutions so you can start stepping into the confidence of being in that position. Here are the three main things: Strategy #1: Change your mindset. Anytime you have these negative beliefs, limiting beliefs, saboteurs that come up, you need to challenge what they're saying to you. For example, if these authors’ saboteurs said, “You're not really an author,” then challenge that. “Am I really an author? Yeah, my book is on Amazon. I have a book in my hand. I'm autographing the book. My name is in the book. I am an author.” Challenge the negative thoughts. If you think you didn't write something worth reading, ask someone. “What do you think about what I wrote?” Ask me, “Diane, why did you put me in the book? What did you think about my piece?” Get that feedback so you can overcome those negative thoughts. Practice some self-compassion Treat yourself with some kindness. Be like, “Okay, I feel a little bit off here. I feel like I maybe don't belong here.” I've had those thoughts, maybe being at a party where everyone is wearing all the top brands and talking about facelifts or botox or whatever. I'm like, “Well, I definitely don't fit in here. I've got some work to do, or things to buy before I can.” Then I just gave myself some kindness and understanding that I am who I am. I don't have to be like everyone else. Being myself, I can speak freely as myself and I don't need to pretend that I'm anything else. Celebrate your achievements. I talked about this a lot, especially in the Dynamic Year program and the Dynamic Year journal, because by writing down every week all your achievements and positive feedback that you get from others in that journal, you're going to start to lock it in your brain that you're pretty amazing. There are all these reasons why you’re amazing. Instead, a lot of times we're looking at finding all the negative reasons why we're not that amazing. But if you have all of these really great reasons why you're great and have accomplished, you start to build that confidence. Strategy 2: Seeking some support. I've already kind of mentioned this a bit. Have people in your life where you can be real, and you don't have to feel like a fraud. You have friends, obviously, but then make sure you have some professional friends if you're in a career, make sure you have mentors at work, who you can get support from, who can help you when you do feel like a fraud. For example, you say, “I have to give this presentation. I've never given this type of presentation. I've never worked with this high-end client type before. Can you help me? Can you look things over? Can you give me feedback?”  Then, have a coach or someone who can help you through these feelings. They will be able to call out your brilliance, give you valuable perspectives that you can use, and they’ll reassure you. I have people and coaches in my life whom I can reach out to and say, “Tell me why I'm awesome. Tell me I can do this.” I get in those places where I think that the first step didn't go very well, so this next thing won't either. You need people to cheer you on. If you don't believe in yourself, hire people who do. That's going to really make it easier. Plus, when you're part of a group, or you have a coach who can support you, they can also give you strategies. They can also be good brainstorming partners. They can also share their experience of how they did things, and even how they were worried about something. Strategy 3: Be practical Potentially, you're not going to be on the New York Times bestseller list with your very first book. The very first video you make, you're not going to get a Grammy for it. You're not going to go viral on your first video. Some people will, but most people won’t.  Set realistic expectations for yourself because it's not going to all be perfect. You're not going to be mastering something the very first time. Just focus on continuous learning one step after another.
If you have a disappointment, grab the learning from it and just grow from it. Anytime you have to face challenges, it's not a challenge, because you're a fraud. It's a challenge because you haven't experienced it yet. You haven't learned it yet. You can focus on this being a moment of, “Oh my gosh, they're going to find me out” or “Oh, wow, this is a cool opportunity for me to improve, for this to make me more competent and be able to master it.” Wrapping Up I just want you to remember that so many people experience feeling like a fraud or a fake. It's okay to feel this way. It's really normal to feel this way. Many times, every time I level up and get into a bigger pond and around bigger players, I feel like a fraud wondering, “Do I really fit in here? Am I really a high-income earner?” In the Canadian Association of Professional Speakers (CAPS) community, “Am I really someone who is a VIP level and gets to attend this event? Am I really this person?” Don't let that stop you from recognizing your true worth and value in the world. You're not alone. Many people have felt this in many parts of their lives, even at the top success levels, you're going to feel it. Don't think you've got to outgrow it. You're going to keep feeling it. You just need to put the tactics into place so that it doesn’t stop you. The key is to not let it define you. Yes, it's maybe a feeling of “Oh, I feel like a fraud.” You feel like a fraud, but you are not a fraud. If you're saying, “I'm a doctor,” and you're not really a doctor, then okay, yes, you're a fraud. If you say you're a coach, but you didn't take any training to be a coach, then you're a fraud. As long as you are authentically doing what you say you're doing, then that's fine. I encourage you to share. I would love to hear how you have felt like a fraud and where in your life. If you have other coping strategies, I'd love to know them as well. The Dynamic Women Global Community on Facebook is a really great place where we can support each other. You're going to be able to share those thoughts there. Share in the group how this blog has impacted you. And if it did, feel free to share this blog with someone who might benefit from it. I also wanted to make sure you heard that we're starting to put together the next collaborative book, Dynamic Women Leadership Secrets book. We are doing a call for collaborative authors right now. If you'd like to learn more about that, join our free info session on June 26. Save your spot here. If you feel like a fraud about being an author or writing a book, this is a great opportunity for you. Don't feel like a fraud. Put some of my strategies into place and stay dynamic! Read my other blogs: Have you ever felt like a fraud, a fake, or an imposter? In this blog, I’ll share the 6 common factors that cause you to feel like one. In my next blog, I will share the common signs of being an imposter and the things you can do to prevent yourself from feeling like a fraud  Why you should care Well, because we are dynamic women, feeling like a fraud, a fake, or an imposter will stop you from reaching your goals. I want you to get rid of that nagging feeling of “I'm not really as competent as others perceive me to be.” Now, you may use the words “impostor syndrome.” It’s similar, but I'm going to talk a little bit more about feeling like a fraud. Do you feel like a fraud? Feeling like a fraud is holding us back. It's stopping us from achieving what we want. We shouldn't have to feel this way. I have personally struggled with feeling this way at different points in my career, life, as an athlete, and as a first-time mom. I know how isolating it can be to feel this way. I want to help you to stop feeling this way by understanding it better. As I said, you feel this way because you think you are not as competent as how other people see you, perceive you and view you. Maybe you feel you shouldn’t be on the pedestal that they put you on. This happens even though you've probably had accomplishments, experiences, or been chosen to be in that position. The funny thing is, that studies say that about 70% of people will experience this feeling at some point in their lives. Even high achievers, famous people or celebrities, and people who have won awards can feel like this. The 6 factors that can cause this to happen I’ll start with 3 Internal Factors:
You already have extremely high standards that you've either set for yourself, or other people have set for you. Maybe growing up, a parent, a coach, or a teacher gave high standards for you, so you feel like a failure when you're not absolutely perfect all the time. I can remember in high school, getting excellent grades, and always handed everything in. Somehow, I missed a homework assignment, so on my lunch break I was in the library trying to quickly get it done, knowing, I was not going to be able to get it completely finished perfectly. I started crying because I was like, “I'm going to lose a percentage because of this”. In the big scheme of things, it didn't matter, but at the time, perfectionism really hit me hard. 2. Fear of failure Another thing that could be making you feel like a fraud is a fear of failure. If you feel like, “I don't deserve the successes I've had,” you may go on to say, “I'm not going to be able to have these great results.” Being worried about not succeeding will cause you to lose confidence.  You may feel that your previous good results came from luck or from other people's support rather than your own abilities. Low self-esteem or self-efficacy can also really impact how you feel and cause you to feel like a fraud. 3. Low self-esteem When you have low self-esteem, it can cause you to self-doubt to not believe that you're good enough. Brené Brown has researched that the number one limiting belief is “I'm not good enough”, even though you might have all the evidence to prove differently. I see this a lot in my programs as the #1 limiting belief. Those are some of the internal factors that could cause you to feel this way. Let's look at some external factors. 1. Society’s pressures and expectations of you What about society's pressures and expectations of you? How many times have you judged a mom for being on her phone on the playground? I'm sure you have, or kids that are on screens while they're at dinner.  There are expectations of how we need to be in every single role in our lives, and if we don't meet those expectations, then we're not amazing, and we'll feel like frauds. The problem is everyone’s situation is different, and we wear so many hats that we can’t meet every expectation for every role.
2. Comparing ourselves to others Have you ever been scrolling, especially doom-scrolling on social media, and you see the perfect family in matching outfits? You see the amazing business owners with awesome successes happening in the business and all the money they're making? There's so much marketing BS out there about how much people are making and pretending that “Things just happened.” Successes don't just happen—they are made with strategy and work. I can remember in one of the presentations I do, I share a photo of my family. Everyone thinks, “Wow, such a perfect family.” The truth I always tell everyone is that it’s three photos that were digitally edited together to make sure that everyone was looking at the camera and smiling. There you go, I think I was the only original face and everyone else's was added in. When we compare ourselves to others, we feel like frauds because we don't know their backstory or everything else that's happened to help them get there. 3. Super competitive and unsupportive culture The last one is being part of a super competitive and/or unsupportive culture. This could be in your business network or workplace, where people point out the things you're doing wrong and make you feel inadequate. When others often tell you about your mistakes and shortcomings, it’s hard to see the accomplishments, growth, and skills you have. I wish we could all work in places where others are truly happy for your success rather than feeling the need to compete or cut you down. Wrapping Up Those are six factors that could be making you feel like a fraud. In my next blog, I will share the common signs of being an imposter and the things you can do to prevent yourself from feeling like a fraud. Plus, if you’re feeling like a fraud and think that you can’t be an author, then I’d love you to join my free webinar on June 18th where I’ll share with you all about the world of co-writing. It will explore your audience, establish your authority, and you’ll be able to leave a legacy. Save your spot here. Read my other blogs: 1. 3 Main Things to Look for in Collaborative Book Opportunities 2. What Are You Waiting For 3. 3 Ways You’ll Get Left Behind by NOT Being an Author Are you feeling like you have so much to do? In this blog, I’m going to share my strategy for delegating. I hope you steal it. I hope you use it. I hope you've stopped doing everything yourself. Recently, on my Instagram and Facebook stories, I talked about how we keep doing too much in our businesses. I'm speaking to you, the high-achieving, successful, A-type, driven woman who has a lot going on and who wants to achieve a lot. We're doing way too much in our businesses. What we need to do is get really good at delegating, give ourselves permission to release control, and bring someone on to help us out.  If you didn't know yet, I actually have two main virtual assistants, Kristine and Karissa. They're absolutely amazing. I've been working with them for over three years. I'm so excited I get to meet them in September. I'm going to the Philippines when I'm over in Bali for the Global Speakers Summit, as well as maybe popping into Japan. (If you're in any of those places, let me know and let me know what I should see.) Anyway, let's go to the strategy. Let me share first what I see people doing. Then I'm going to share my 6P Process of Delegating. I also shared that in my stories and I was getting a lot of DMs about…
I discuss this with my clients in the Virtual Assistant Made Easy Program. As a side note, we have three spots open right now for people to come on and be matched with one of my virtual assistants. I have a team of 14. If you're interested in that, send me a message at [email protected]. Doors are closing this Friday, June 7, at 11:59 p.m. PDT. Message me, and we'll have a one-on-one chat about what you need and whether this is a good solution for you. What I see people do For a long time, I have heard people ask, “What should I delegate? Should I delegate my email? Maybe they can make some videos for me. What else should I delegate? I don't know. Maybe they can do some research or some cold calling.” They throw some tasks at their assistant, VA, contracted person, or whoever it may be. They give tasks that aren't actually what they need to be done to reach their goals. Not only that, but they don't already have a process or a standard operating procedure (SOP) for it. They're trying to reinvent the wheel, giving them some tasks to do, which aren't actually moving them forward in their business. I want to give you my 6 “P” Process of Delegating. I'm going to talk through each piece. I often share this when I'm doing a session about working with a virtual assistant in the VA Made Easy Program, and so if you're a client of mine, you have access to this as well. The 6 “P” Process of Delegating  First P: Pause When should you pause? If you're starting to delegate, then you want to “pause” in the beginning. If you have already been delegating, you can also use this step of pausing anytime you get overwhelmed or too busy. Then, every quarter, you should plan to pause. Definitely do this at the start of a new year and any time anything has changed, or you bring on someone new. Why do we hit the pause button? Well, because we want to have that time to get a bird's eye view of how things are going, so we’re not scrambling, and so we can just take time to ask, “Is this what I should be doing right now?” You want to be thinking about that, right? You want to ask yourself,
These are some really great questions to answer. Then, after we pause, we plan. Second P: Plan Ask yourself:
The first piece is pause in order to just take a breath and to have clarity and time to figure out what the plan is. In the planning, then you look at, “What am I needing to do in order to reach my goals that I actually want to achieve?” not just things that you think you have to do. From there, you can then start to pass off work. Third P: Pass Off Ideally, you can pass off to someone on your team like a virtual assistant who. The benefit is they already know about your business and about you. There's less of a learning curve when you already have someone on your team. It's much easier to pass off tasks because you don't have to go find someone to do it. You already have someone there. You can pass off daily, weekly, monthly tasks and even better full systems! If you don't have someone already, we can have a conversation because I can match you with a virtual assistant who I've already vetted, hired, trained in many tasks, and who was already working with my CEOs. But once you pass off, the next P is “Protect”. Fourth P: Protect What are we protecting? Our time. We just cleared stuff off of our plate by passing it off to someone else. We want to protect our time. Not only that, but we want to make sure we're saying yes to things that will move our business forward and no to the things that are wrong for us and wrong for our business. The wrong tasks are other people's agendas, ones that take us away from what we already want to be achieving. It also doesn't mean that you go and organize your closet. Focus on what you need to use the time for the most. For example, if you need more clients, you go and do cash flow activities to bring on new clients etc.  If you need to increase sales of your products, you're putting energy into that. Maybe it's the marketing or the copywriting. You're going to be able to put energy into the things that you need to do because your VA can take on tasks and take other “to dos” off your plate. One of my clients came to one of our monthly CEO calls. One of her wins was that she got three new clients the previous week. I said, “How'd you do that?” She said, “Well because my VA took on this one project, I was able to focus on following up with my leads.” Oh, my goodness, how amazing! She just followed up with leads and she got three clients. Imagine she'd been doing that earlier. How many more sales, recurring sales, or more clients could have happened? There may be a lot of leads who fell through the cracks because she wasn't on top of it. But now she gets to be because she is freed up because she protected her time to focus on the things that mattered most. Fifth P: Persist Now, why do you persist? Because I'll tell you, sometimes, when you pass things off, the results you get are not what you were looking for and it could be because you didn’t give good enough instructions. You'll learn from that. But you have to persist by giving them better instructions and by not saying, “Forget it, I'm going to do it myself.” Look again at your instructions. Make sure that you're giving feedback that will continuously help move your business forward. For example, don't just say, “I don't like that.” Give the feedback of “Why?” What's going on with it? What changes need to be made? So that they not only learn for this task, this project, this thing you're passing off, but they learn in general about how you want things done. If you said, “On this landing page, we always need a hook at the top. A question or something to draw in the person that is looking at this.” Now they know every landing page needs a hook. They know that because you've just taught them the what and why rather than just saying, “Put a question at the top.” We know what it's supposed to be. Now, they can apply that to every future task. Trust me, it gets easier. It gets so much easier when your virtual assistant can start thinking, “What does my client want? What are they looking for?” One of the most amazing parts with my team is watching how they have learned and how they call me out sometimes. When I say, “What about this?” They're like, “Hey, remember, we want to do this?” I'm like, “Right, right.” That persistence that you'll have will make things run so much smoother. Speaking of when thing run smoother, that gets into number six. Sixth P: Push Number six is you get to push on the gas pedal. This means that if your VA does a task well, then have them do it more. If they've done a bunch of social media posts for you, and you think, “Yes, you've got my brand. You've got the aesthetic. I like what you're doing with the quotes. You're learning how to pull them properly.” Push on the pedal. Have them do that more or weekly or create a system around it.  You don't have to throw 10 or 100 new tasks at them now; just have them do more of the same. If they did five good posts, have them do 25 posts, 50 posts, 500 posts, and continue to do it to build that skill. Then more time and space will be freed up for you while you enjoy the results of their work. Why it’s a cycle That’s my 6 “P” Process of delegating. Then the reason why it goes back to pausing again is because things will get busy again. Now, why? Because…
Therefore, you need to pass off more. You need to give more of your tasks. When I have this feeling, I know I have to pass off more things. The great thing is because your VA and you have also persisted, they're getting faster and more efficient at their tasks. We can maximize their time and give them more because…
We can give them more tasks without having to add more hours a lot of the time. We get back to that Pause and we say,
We look at the plan again. Then we pass off more. We protect our time. We persist because these are new items we’re delegating. You can even pass off decision-making! The last time I paused, I realized I needed to pass off more decision-making to Kristine and Karissa. Since then, I’ve seen how they're doing an incredible job on this. But we had to persist a bit because decision-making is so dependent on the situation, and now I'm pushing on the pedal in a lot of cases. One of them just happened today. I said, “Hey, should we do this?” I got a response, “No, I don't think we should do this for XYZ reason.” It was amazing. I was like, “Yes, I agree.” In this 6 “P” process of delegating, I promise you'll become more efficient at delegating. You'll be able to maximize your team's time. You'll be able to open up more of your own time to be inspired, create, and do the things that have you in your zone of genius, your core competencies, and your sweet spot. That resonance, that energy will come up. As I said, we have three spots for Virtual Assistant Made Easy. You can book a call with me to learn more. In the Virtual Assistant Made Easy program, I help you figure out what to delegate, how to delegate, how to train, and how to have your VA create your SOPs for you because they're going to document your processes. You don't have to come into the program knowing what you want to delegate yet. I've got that covered. We even have a list of 229 tasks that you can delegate, as well as a PDF booklet that has the tasks you can delegate when you're busy, on holiday, or sick. So many of the tasks I have given to my VAs for the different aspects of my business - coaching, fee-paid speaking, women's community, running events, podcasting, YouTube, my social media, my collaborative books, my own books, my workshops, and the list goes on and on and on. Don't do it alone. Having someone on your team, as my clients have said, has been the best investment in themselves in and their business. It's probably a lot less than you thought it would be. Especially less than hiring someone local to work with you or a specialist. We hire general virtual assistants that can do a wide range of tasks. You don't even have to worry about the hiring process because I take care of that for you. Then I'm in the mix. I support both sides to have a long-lasting relationship. Because, that's what we want, right? We don't want these one off projects with people. We don't like it when people ghost us. We want someone as invested in our business as we are. True or true? Very true. I hope you'll steal my strategy of the 6 “P” process of delegating, and that you'll start bringing this in every quarter. A bonus to the Virtual Assistant Made Easy program is that every quarter, we have our very own strategic planning session where I ask you these questions. I help you to pause and then ask you what do you want to achieve in the next quarter. Then help you plan what are the goals are and therefore what can we pass off. If you want to be part of it, we have our next quarterly session at the end of June 2024. If you want to be in, you will be invited to that as well. P.S. I hope to see you over in the Dynamic Women Facebook Community. It is free to join. I'm going to be going live there a lot more. It's where I like to share a lot of my inside tips and tricks for having a business and a balanced life. Read my other blogs:
One of my friends and clients, Tanya Steele, asked me, “I know all of your guests have been extraordinary. I've listened to many of the podcasts. But if you could pick one of your favourites, I know they're all spectacular, but one of your favourite moments with one of your guests. Who was that guest and what was that really great memory for you?”
Sometimes, I've been caught off guard, and I've actually become very emotional with people's stories or what they're sharing, or I've heard myself in what they're sharing. It was really hard to stay professional and not be like, “Oh my, I’m crying because of what you said”. That's the one side and the other is the tips where I learn. As hosts, it's our job to pull the information out of the guest. Sometimes we ask questions that we already know the answer to because we either train it or we just know, or we've read books or we've worked with this person, but we still ask those questions because our listener needs to have the privilege of the answers to those questions as well. Sometimes, I already know because I've done a pre-talk with them as well. But when I can ask something where I learned something completely new, where I'm like, “Whoa, I never thought of that?” Those are the ones I love the most because I get something really big out of it. What I learned in running my podcast
We have a member from the Canadian Association of Professional Speakers (CAPS) community, David Gouthro, who just started a podcast. He just wants to have great conversations with cool people to get different perspectives. That's wonderful. That's a passion project. But if you're doing this as part of your business, you need to have a strategy for why you're doing it. That could be…
I’ll share more, my two virtual assistants Karissa and Kristine, repurpose the video that I'm doing into the podcast, onto my YouTube, into my newsletter, onto my social, into my blog, and then into my email. It goes across the whole board. But you really have to know, “Why am I doing this?” and then build it based on that. Really, that's the secret to a good podcast. The other is making it something that just naturally fits into your life or your business. Maybe you need to do it every single week. Maybe you prefer to batch them, like do four at a time. It's much easier, and you don't have to be thinking about it every week. Doing whatever it takes to be able to have it be manageable because the worst thing is to start a podcast, do some episodes and then your listeners are hooked and then they go,
The listener is going to go find a different podcast and you could lose them. Consistency is crucial, and for you, if it's once a week, great. If it's every day, good luck. I'm sure you have a plan for that. Tanya understands all this, as she is also a podcast host for her podcast, Safety Debris. She said that she records her episodes in batches. They film five to six episodes in one day, and then they release them once every three to four weeks. They’ve been doing it for two and a half years. “We started just in the middle of COVID and I’ve got a cohost Richard Dulong, who's also a CAPS member, and we just have a lot of fun with our guests just like you do. Thanks, Diane. Really, I just wanted to be you when I grew up, so I'm just trying to follow in your footsteps because you're awesome.” One of the hardest things in doing a podcast One of the hardest things about doing the podcast is bringing on people who take a position or stance on a topic that is opposite to me or that I agree with, but I don’t feel I can publicly take that stance. Having the podcast, I'm very careful about who I bring on. I interview guests every other episode or for a while, I've just been doing it all myself, but I'm always cautious about, “Is this person's values, beliefs, morals in alignment with mine?” I care about my listeners, and I don't want them hearing something that's not in alignment or worse, is disrespectful. So that's been one of the hardest parts for me is if the guest is going to say or do something that isn't in alignment, “What am I going to do in the moment?”  I'm not looking to be confrontational. I think that's been one of the hardest pieces about the podcast, is vetting people properly. I also don't want them to be all sales like, “Here's this product I have, and here's another product, and here's why you should buy for me”. That's not fun. And I think that's why I like the vulnerability story pieces more. Secret to a Good Podcast What I'd like to say is that over the past five years, I think having good topics makes a good podcast. Sometimes my titles are a little bit trickier like, “Sometimes I feel alone”. That title might have drawn you in because you're like, “What? Diane feels alone?” That's true that I do, but I'm also speaking for others. Another is “The Best and Worst Gifts My Mom Ever Gave Me.” My husband, who doesn't listen to the podcast, said to me, “Okay, I haven't listened to it. But just tell me what are the best and worst gifts your mom has ever given you?” I had to tell him because he thought it was like an actual item rather than the gift of belief in me. It's important to have keyword-driven titles for your episodes. What are your main people typing into search engines? This isn't to trick or trap them. This is to give them what they're looking for. Don't be super clever with your titles where they don’t know what you’re really talking about. Give them the things that they're actually looking for. As I said before, consistency is key. Batch your episodes if you need to be consistent. What I've also learned, which is kind of interesting, is doing my own episodes is actually less work. It's less work to have just me do it to record it than organizing a guest and the back and forth between my guests and Kristine, who does a great job of that. I often just choose to do my own episodes. But I also know the value of having guests, not just for my listeners to have another perspective, but also in a strategic way. They're now opening my podcast up to more listeners. It is a good thing. It's a win-win. My intention in doing the podcast is to always be able to reach and serve my audience. Then over the years, I've realized it's also a content machine, and it’s how I prefer to create my content. I don't love writing, so it's much easier for me to speak into the podcast, and then to edit that into the blog, which is way easier than when I used to write the blog and then try to do the podcast from that. It was less from the heart and more from my analytical brain. Then I guess the last piece is to figure out what your ideal audience wants to know and it's kind of sad because I don't always know what you guys want because I don't hear from you. Email me at [email protected] to let me know or if you don’t know what you want to hear about, then tell me what you have heard that you love and want more of or your goals/obstacles, and I’ll come up with something to support you and your success. Whatever it is, I'm open to hearing it. The last thing I'll say to anyone wanting to do a podcast, who has a podcast, who's written books, who's put anything out there, even social media posts, LinkedIn articles, whatever it may be, you don't always know that people are consuming your content. I can remember when I stopped my weekly newsletter for a little bit. I had someone reach out to me and say, “Hey, did I get off your list somehow? I'm not getting it.” I didn't even know that person was reading them. Likewise, I bump into people at events or when I’m on stages and people will say, “I loved your recent podcast.” But they never comment! For those of you who are actually commenting, writing reviews, giving me feedback that you love the episodes, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For those of you who haven't yet, why not? Tell me what you like. It helps to spur me on to do more of that. For those of you out there who have put stuff out and you're just feeling a little frustrated, because you're not getting that feedback, there is a chance that your people are listening. They're just so busy they haven't replied or they didn't think you needed it. So keep it up! Read my other blogs:
In most of my blogs, my topics are very education-centered or education-driven. There are how-tos. Sometimes, I share stories. Sometimes, they get real, raw, and vulnerable. This is going to be one of those.  Who is saying “Sometimes I feel alone” Where did this comment, “Sometimes I feel alone,” come from? Well, women have said this to me at events, when we're doing the hallway chats or the bathroom lineup talks. Or they come and see me after I've spoken on stage or done a breakout session. They come up to me, and we talk about it. Sometimes tears are shed. They say, “Sometimes I feel alone.” Clients have said this to me in coaching sessions, group sessions, or when they've come to Dynamic Women events. They've said, “Sometimes I feel alone. I come here, and now I don't.” I sometimes feel this, and it can be really strange for me to deal with and for people to even understand. The people who say this are often leading full, busy lives, with lots of people around them and lots of things happening. They have a lot of responsibility. They're strong leaders and high achievers. For me, I've got my soccer team, my friends, my business community, my family, my church community, my Canadian Association of Professional Speakers (CAPS) community, and on and on. Why I say it sometimes How can we feel lonely when we have such full lives and so many people around us? Well, because we're strong, leaders, high achievers, and confident, oftentimes people think that…
A lot of times, in the roles that we play in the different organizations we're a part of or the teams we are in charge of, we are the ones that others look to, to lean on, to get support from. Often, I'll be in an educational setting where I am not the leader and it's not my material, I'm there as a student, but I see others struggling, where I understand something or where I'm feeling good about where I'm at in the program, I will lean in and support others. But what I find is I then take that role on, and then I don't get the support I need from whoever's leading it because they're also looking to support the people who are struggling more. This was always the case in school. I was always sat beside the struggling kid, the new kid, the ESL kid, the bullied kid. My job was twofold. One, to help them to be able to learn the material, maybe by sharing it in a different way or going a bit slower or using different words. Then the other piece is bringing them into the fold of the group. I have such a heart for bringing people in. The funny thing is it comes from my own feeling of not feeling included. You may think, “Diane, how are you not included?” or “You just have the confidence. You can work a room.” Well, I have to force that because it's not always easy. I find that strong, independent, high-achieving successful women don't have other people to lean on in the same way, and don't have the same support system. They are the ones who carry a lot of other people. I'm not saying other people are to blame. I'm just saying this is often the situation.  There are a lot of things that are going to come up for me in 2024 that I'm putting together right now for these women. Because I hear them say:
There is a need for this. This is what I'm putting together. For now, I'll just let you know, there are a couple of spots in the She’s Goaled 2.0 program. This is an amazing place where…
All with the aim to support you to achieve your own goals, not the goals of others, because everyone's on their own goal journey. Where you can achieve your own goals without the need to carry others. There are still a few spots. I'll keep those open so that we can have the greatest group possible. What you can do What now for you if you say that sometimes I feel alone, and you're in this category, this group of people that I'm talking about?
We don't see geese flying alone because nature isn't meant to be that way. You need the synergy of a group.  Find your group, find your people, find others who are just as strong as you, or stronger than you, who challenge you to be better, where you're not the biggest fish in the pond. 2. Get a leader or a mentor, a coach, or an advisor. Someone who you can learn from. A guru or whatever it is, who is ahead of you, or who you can put your full confidence in. There are a lot of people in my life that I pay to be part of my team, so different coaches and such. Sometimes they're just there to hear me cry. Sometimes they're there to remind me that I can do hard things. Sometimes they're there to tell me what the next step is when I don't have the clarity. 3. Add in some support structure. Not just some random people in your life, but an actual structure where you're part of a program or you agree to meet certain times to have that accountability or that check-in. Because that's where a lot of times the “I feel alone” comes from is that everyone thinks you're fine. Everyone thinks you're good. It's not that you're putting it on, or you're faking it, but you’re self-reliable, you’re independent, you’re capable, you’re successful. People don't feel like they need to baby you or check in on you. But feeling alone is a really sad, sad place to be because then you cocoon in. Being alone and feeling alone are different because you can feel alone in a massive work environment or with tons of family and friends around you. If this is your place, then seek some support as well. Make sure you have a coach, a counselor, or someone you can confide in. I often say to my clients, “Bring me your mess, so you can be magnificent in the world.” We're not meant to be perfect. We're not meant to have everything fall in line and be exactly how it needs to be. If you're feeling alone, then take that step to not feel alone. Even just telling someone else, “I feel alone”, and if I'm that person, great, email me, [email protected] or send me a message on social media. I don't ever want anyone to feel alone. It is a hard place to be, and you can't use your gifts in the best way and do what you were meant to be brought here on Earth to do if you're in that place. Don't feel alone anymore and do something about it. If you are one of these strong leaders, high achievers, independent, self-reliable women, make sure your name is on my radar because I'm putting together some really amazing projects. I'm putting together an invitation list for the women who feel this way who are wondering, “Where are my people? Where are the other strong women where I get to maybe show more vulnerability around or I don't have to carry others?” If you're curious about that or wanting to know more, please email me [email protected] to say, “Hey, I'm one of those people. I read your blog, ‘Sometimes I feel alone’, and I'm one of those high achievers and looking for my flock.” I'd be happy to share some cool new initiatives that I'm doing. Read my other blogs:
Some gifts stay with you forever—others, you wish you could forget. In this blog, I'm going to talk about the greatest gift my mother ever gave me and how I'm still using it today, as well as the worst gift she ever gave me and how I'm trying to keep pushing it away.  Happy Mother's Day to all the mommies out there! I also want to honor anyone where Mother's Day is really hard time, be it that…
I want to honor you today and these weeks because it can be super hard. I wrote this blog on Mother’s Day as I reflected on what made me who I am today. These gifts were given to me as a child, so I'll get into that as well. Now, let’s dive in. The best gift The best gift my mom ever gave me that I still use today is not a material thing. It's nothing that you can physically touch. But it's something that you can sense about someone. The gift that mom gave me was belief in me.  She always believes in me. When I was younger, she believed in me in sports, at school and when I was speaking. Basically, in so many different places. I'm going to talk about each one and how that played out. She believed in me in Sports In sports, she always said, “You can do it, Diane” and “Go Diane”. She's British, and she’d put up her two thumbs and say, “Way to be! Way to be!” I’d feel embarrassed, but she was always saying,
That belief pushed me in sports, and I ended up playing coed soccer at a young age with boys at a high level. Because she believed in me, I knew I could do it. She believed in me in School There were high expectations at school and also high levels of belief. She believed in me and helped me believe I could get As, be the president of the student council and do well on tests. Because of her, I was able to do really well again. She believed in me in Speaking Another area where she really believed in me was my speaking. I would do the little contests in my class and then go speak in front of the school. Then, I think it was the Kiwanis Club that would put on the city speaking contests. She always believed in me that I would excel. Then I was invited as a junior in high school to be the emcee for the graduation ceremony. All of this has led me to be able to excel in academics, whether it be when I was younger, or as an adult, to excel in sports, and to really push myself and to go for things that maybe I wouldn't have gone for, like trying out for the varsity teams and making it and then being on the OUA all-star team, and also with my speaking to push myself forward to be able to do it and be paid. Having this strong belief in me, helped me to believe in myself when I didn’t. I didn't believe in myself all the time. When I didn’t, I would say, “I don’t think I can do that. But mom thinks I can, so therefore I must be able to. I'm going to do it.” Throughout my whole life, I've said, “I can do that. I can do that. I can do that” even if I didn’t think I could because it came from my mom believing in me, and then I started to believe in myself, which is really amazing. As an adult, after a few career changes, eventually to where I am now in coaching and speaking, as you know, and many other things, I got the great opportunity to be flown in all expenses paid to my hometown of Brantford, Ontario. I live in North Vancouver, BC right now, so I was flown across Canada all expenses paid and to a fee-paid speaking engagement. It has come full circle because I remember being young and my mom flipping her tea towel over her shoulder, cocking her hip and saying, “Oh, Diane, if you get paid to speak one day, you're going to be a rich woman.” That makes me laugh because, again, at the time, I thought that was belief in me. I think she was just super frustrated that I wouldn't shut up. I tell my mom, “You should come to this speaking engagement, Mom. I'm speaking. Come. Come.” She says, “No, I can't.” I said, “Yes you can, it's a public event. You can and I've secured a ticket for you.” She said, “No, I can't come. I can't come.” I said, “Why? It's in town. I'll drive you. I've got a ticket for you. Come see me speak.” She said, “Oh, I couldn't do that. I'd be so nervous.” I said, “Mom, I'm going to do a great job.” She says, “I know you're going to do a great job. But I'd be so nervous for you.” I was like, “Why?” She goes, “Well, I don't know where you got any of these gifts from, nothing came from me or your father. I just never understood how you've done everything.” That was such an eye-opener. While I'm saying these are gifts my mother gave me, they're also gifts my father gave me. My late father who passed 3 years ago. Since this is Mother's Day, I'm focusing on the mom's side of things, because she is the one that drove me everywhere. Dad was working quite a bit and travelling to and from work. Mom was the one who had to drive me everywhere like a taxi driver for me. But anyway, it's amazing how, by her saying that, I realized the gift of her believing in me was a bit of a lie. She believed in me but didn't always fully believe I could do things because of her own insecurities, doubts, and feelings of not having those skills and talents, but she never let that come forward. It made me think what a different life I would have had if my mom actually said those fears that she said she had herself. If she said, “I believe you can do it. I just could never do it.” Well, if she had said that throughout my whole life, I might have been more nervous. It really shows me the power that adults have over children. Also, coaches have to their clients, or coaches to their players, or teachers to their students. Anytime someone looks up to you, there is a choice to have that full belief in them. I joke with people and say, “If you don't believe in yourself, hire someone who does.” That's why I have multiple coaches for different areas. I also have people on my personal board who will support me and be a fan. The worst gift Now, let's do the flip side of this because while the greatest gift my parents have ever given me was belief in me, the worst gift my mom ever gave me that I keep trying to give back is actually high performance, that expectation or belief in me that I could achieve at a high level. This gift she gave me is not originally bad—it’s gotten me really far. It's the fact that when that got turned up so high, by continuing to go for things and compete and such, it actually turned into perfectionism. Can you relate to that? This belief in high quality, high performance, doing well, straight A's, honor roll, and MVPs, wasn't drilled into me by her that I have to be perfect. She always said,
But I translated that into it having to be the best. I never got yelled at for not performing well. But I turned it into perfectionism. The way this has been transformed from something wonderful into something not so good is also what we have to really be careful about. I have to be careful with my children and with my clients. For me, it keeps showing up as perfectionism, and I have to keep pushing that away and just go back to high quality and do your best. Otherwise, perfectionism is so stunting of my performance. What I learnt What have I learnt about the giving of these gifts to others? Well, many people don't have self-belief. But it can be manufactured from other people, imparting it on you. You have the power that before someone goes on stage to say, “I know you're going to do well.” Because in their mind, they might think, “I'm not going to do well. I'm not going to do well. Wow, this person just told me they think that I'm going to do well or they know I'm going to do well. I guess it's true. I guess they're not a liar.”  Right before someone goes to do a musical performance, play a game, have a job interview or negotiation, have a difficult conversation, share your belief in that person.
Just share that with them. For the people in your life who you're around a lot, what if our goal was to continue to inspire, cheerleader, and believe in others? The world would be a different place. As I said, if you don't believe in yourself, hire someone who does or bring someone into your life who does because that can be the difference. Just having someone believe in you could be the one thing that helps you reach your goal of living your dreams. I know that sounds so big and grandiose, but I'm just extremely grateful for others’ belief in me. The flip side is if you didn't have someone believe in you, and you have someone instead cutting you down, it could have been its own gift, the worst gift that turned into a good gift. That was the fuel that said, “You know what, watch me, I'm going to do it. I'm going to prove you wrong.” But today, I hope that you take away the idea that believing in others is a good thing. Believing in others to a high standard is great, too. Set the bar high. Just make sure you check in on that person to make sure perfectionism isn't ruling them, stressing them out, causing them anxiety, or preventing them from going for what they want out of fear of not having the perfect result. Have the most wonderful Mother's day. If it is a hard time for you, just take some time to nurture yourself. That is my hope for you that you can find some solace in this time and some great friends who believe in you. And if you are looking for someone to believe in you… let’s have a conversation. Read my other blogs:
In my previous blog, I discussed the power of accountability and mentioned that I could share its negative side and what you should avoid. I listened to you. You said:
I'm going to give you the five things around negative accountability that you should avoid. I'll throw in some stories along the way as well.  Soccer and accountability If you didn't know, I play soccer. I play in a 30-something soccer league in North Vancouver, BC. It is filled with some ex-competitive players like myself and newbies, people who've never played before. Not every team has a coach, but we do. We like having a coach for trainings, warm-ups, and deciding who's on or not. I personally like having a coach for accountability. “Oh, Diane, why did you do that? Let's do this instead.” Also to talk things through with me to help me be a better player based on what's happening. Also accountability for the team, “You're not showing up on time? You don't get to start.” I love that part of accountability with having a coach. It helps us to step up into a better place, more peak performance, and such. I'm not going to go through them all because they’re in the previous blog. I encourage you to check it out. But after our latest game, as we're sitting around having a little social time with the team, there is a very high-level competitive league that was playing right after us. They are girls who are 10-12 years old or a little older. They were playing very seriously. They videotape the game so that they can go through the games after. I remember that from varsity rugby when I played for Western. We didn't have a video like this big pole thing that they do high-definition videoing. It’s very different. But we used to do stats. The stats were on:
All of these things, along with my kicking for posts, were tracked so that the coach could review them and then make an accountability plan for everyone. I'm watching this game with these girls. I know that there's going to be mega accountability after the game from watching the tape. Also, they said something like you can zoom in or tell the video to specifically look at one player, and it will track that player in the game. Pretty crazy. That’s high-level accountability. It’s great because it will help them be better players, learning from their mistakes. But what I heard from one team, with a group of coaches, was yelling.Lots and lots of yelling.
Sometimes sadly, it was conflicting. That made me also want to share that accountability coaching has to be the right coaching and the right type of accountability. This was not! Think about the times in your life when you've had the wrong accountability. Obviously, no accountability at all isn't good. I have accountability through coaches for so many areas of life. As you know my journey with my health and losing weight, I had a coach and a key part of their job was accountability.  I now have a comedy coach who's helping me develop some sets for events or comedy shows that I've been doing, as well as putting it in keynotes. So I have deadlines when I have to have things done for them. That's all wonderful. Let's look at these five things and I want you to think:
Side note, I don't want to forget to tell you that She's Goaled 2.0 is open. It is a speed course to reach your goals. Every month, we have a new set of goals and weekly check-ins which help with accountability. There’s mastermind power with a supportive group of like-minded top achievers. As well as coaching support and strategy from me. Network growth on the Goal Sister calls where you connect with another woman in the group and have that accountability. Then at the end of the month, we look back and review:
Accountability is a big part of it, but it's done positively. The doors are open for that, and they close on May 16, 2024. I hope you'll join, as it’s a program I’m really proud of. Okay, let's go through the five. #1: Stress buffet Think of accountability like an overzealous diet. Everyone thinks it's going to make them healthier, but it's not because it ends up stressing you out. If we have too much accountability, then your workplace and your day-to-day life are going to feel like you're in a pressure cooker. There's no room for error. Everything is down to the tee. Then what does the pressure cooker do when it gets too much stress? It blows up.  Imagine a geyser blowing. We actually had that happen on our kitchen ceiling. Soup had flown right up into the ceiling, leaving splotchy marks. We don't want to stress from too much accountability. There's that nice place where my clients say, “Oh, I just got everything done last night because I knew I was meeting you today.” Then there's the place where they say, “I was really sick. But I still did what I had to do, even though I was in the hospital because I knew I had to do it.” There's no room for error. We don't want you to be super stressed from accountability, but we want enough stress to push you to do something that you wouldn't normally do. With soccer, as I talked about in my previous blog, I do more because I have a coach or I do more because I have accountability. There's that nice amount that pushes you and stretches you a little bit, really you just want to be 1% better every single day. We don't want though the accountability to be turned up so high that you feel too much pressure and you're stressed out. #2: Confidence Killer When you're obsessed with following the rules, it can kill your confidence because you think, “Okay, this has to be. This has to be. This has to be this way, and this has to be this way.” Somebody's breathing down your neck. Accountability can actually turn negative. Then you're doubting yourself because it's so strict that you lose the confidence that naturally would be intuitive to you, your skills, and your talents. We don't want there to be too much in following the rules because that will kill your confidence. What I like to do with my clients is if their homework is not going to get done, I ask them to email me saying, “Hey, Diane, this homework is not going to get done because these other opportunities came up and I had to put them first. This actually is a better idea. I'm not going to do that homework. I'm going to do this instead to reach the same goal.” Perfect. Okay. Cool, good plan. That's what I want to hear. Or “Hey, Diane, I know I said that I would contact 20 people by our next session, but I'm probably only going to be able to contact 10 people because I now realize that it takes too much time or I only have 10 people in contact. I actually don't have 20.” Giving the reasons but then saying what you will do instead is great! Maybe the date is the wrong thing, so by the next session, you're like, “I can do 20 people, but I'll need a few more days after the next session to make it happen.” Rather than not being able to make your own decisions because of that overcontrol, you get to step back into your confidence by amending the goal. #3: Creativity Crusher When things are micromanaged too much, it can really squash your creativity, pretty much like a flat pancake. If there's too much rigidity, you'll become scared to make a move.  We don't want you to be scared to make a move because you're trying to do things so strictly, which means you can say goodbye to some of those out-of-the-box ideas, maybe a wild idea, like a 2AM wakeup idea, driving in the car with your kid to soccer, or doing a late-night coffee run. We want you to have creativity. Good accountability helps you reach your goals, and the creativity it gives you might mean that you can reach your goals faster than you would have thought. It comes back to what I was sharing last time, if you see a better option to reach your goal, then ditch the normal way that you were going to do it. For example, my plan to write my book was me at a computer writing a book. Then based on some circumstances, I realized, “Ah! What I'm going to do instead is create a five-week course, teach people the content, and then that's going to become the book.” By having that creativity opportunity, I was able to think outside the box to write my book. #4: Short-sighted goggles I wear contacts. I feel like I can't see far. Recently, I realized I can't really read the pill bottles. That's making me feel old. I wanted to commit to reading my Bible four times a week, but I'm just not loving the thin pages, and the words are so small. I asked friends if they had one with bigger fonts in it. Then one of them said, “Maybe you just need reading glasses.” I was like, “No, I'm good.” I put hers on anyway. It turns out I just need reading glasses - haha! If you're ever not wearing your glasses or you can imagine wearing dirty sunglasses, and you just can't see, you're wearing short-sighted goggles around accountability. You're so focused on hitting the next target that it's like you're wearing binoculars backwards because you're just like, “Okay, I got to nail this goal tomorrow. Then this goal the next day, and then this goal and then this goal.” You're seeing everything really close, but you can't see very far. With too much accountability, you're not going to be in that long-term big picture ever. Now, your coach should be looking at what we call in CTI Coaching the “Big “A” Agenda.” They’re seeing the big picture for you. The good part of accountability is you get to be in the “Little “a” Agenda”, the little pieces, the day-to-day, but your accountability coach is going to help you to also see the big vision so that when if you're staying in the short-sighted goggles, you're going to come up to a problem and you're going to be like, “Oh, I'm stuck and I can't do this.” They're going to say, “Hey, remember what the big goal is? Remember, this is only a blip on the way there.” “Hey, remember the last thing you did? You were able to get past that because of this, so let's keep going.” They're going to be able to help you, but if you have the wrong accountability, they're going to be so stuck on the next piece and not the big picture that you're going to lose out and you're not going to enjoy it. #5: Scaredy Cats If you are in a high accountability zone and the person holding you accountable is extremely military about it, the fear of messing up can actually turn everyone involved, including you into a nervous cat in a dog park. Can you imagine being a cat in a park full of dogs? You're on edge, your back’s up. Your claws are in the ground, and you're like, “Well, where is the next crazy dog coming from? Where is the next thing I need to avoid?” That is not a place to be functioning. You don't want to be in that place of, “I want to avoid the next problem or the next opposite obstacle.” Instead, you want to be able to look at the opportunities, jump on them, and then learn from mistakes, so you shouldn't get yelled at, you shouldn't get someone belittling you with accountability if you make a mistake or if you don't meet a target.  You should have someone who can nurture you along so you're not scared of the process, so you can see the big picture and learn from any mistakes you've made without that fight-or-flight cortisol hike that can happen out of fear. I played varsity rugby. I used to be a little bit nervous with my coach. There was some heavy accountability there. But once I got to know her more as a person, and she started to open up to me and give me positive reinforcement, telling me what I'm good at not just the things I'm not good at, not being a confidence killer, that really helped to nurture me. I was encouraged by her accountability. When I look at those soccer girls, I think:
I know that on the soccer field and being a young girl is very different from your life. But there are so many similarities, and I'm sure you can think of a time when you felt that way, even if you never played soccer or never played high level, or never had a sports coach. You can imagine a time in your life when that's been the case. Wrapping Up What I encourage you to do is make sure that you have the good side of accountability, that you avoid these five different ways that accountability can be bad when used in the wrong way, or when turned up the wrong way or when you hire the wrong accountability coach. Again doors are open for She's Goaled 2.0. I promise you, these five bad sides are not part of the program. There is no stress buffet, no confidence killer, no creativity crusher, no short-sighted goggles, and no scaredy-cats. It is a very positive learning environment. However, I will hold you to your goals because I want you to achieve more. That's the good side of accountability! Read my other blogs:
Have you been wanting to achieve something but you feel like you just don't have that last piece to push you to get there? Well, maybe accountability is the thing that you need.  Today, we're talking about the power of accountability. You may be thinking, “Well, I already know all about that.” But what you may have forgotten is, that accountability in every area of life, towards every single goal you ever have, can be the thing that gets you there and helps you achieve it faster. Maybe, it's even more enjoyable. (I'm thinking about doing another blog on the disadvantages of accountability and how it can get out of hand and not be good for you. Let me know in the comments if you’d want that, and I’ll put that together.) Some of the earliest times I had accountability was with my athletics. It continues today, but also in every area of my life. I've always had accountability because I was a pretty high-level competitive athlete (No, I didn't go pro or anything). One of the times when accountability was really necessary was when I played varsity rugby. We had off-season time, which was basically 10 months of the year. The season was only two months. To be fit for the season, we had to follow a full year-round fitness plan. It was intense. There were times when we bulk trained, meaning we lifted very heavy weights, low reps, in order to build mass or build bulk. There were times of the year when we looked to build our endurance or ability to be able to last through a full game at our full intensity. There were also times in the season when we built our speed, agility and rapid movements. Then there was the maintenance during the season when we just had to maintain where we were at. Throughout the season, our muscles were getting beaten up and injuries can come in. It's just maintaining where we're at.  The coach wouldn't have us train with the team every single day. But we needed to do the plan on our own. The threat was that we would be having random fitness testing throughout the year. I’ll tell you, to be randomly fitness tested is scary if you are not keeping up with the fitness plan. Fitness testing included the 12-minute run: running laps. It also included the beep test for the short sprints. There were pull-ups, bench press, leg press and a whole bunch of other things. I can't remember it all now because that was over 20 years ago. But we had the accountability of these major check-ins throughout the year. We didn't know when it would happen. We'd get a call or email (this was before everyone used a cellphone), and they’d say, “Hey, we're doing a fitness testing in two days.” Well, if you hadn't been committed to the fitness plan, it's going to show. You're going to be weaker than you were before. I had to come up with some accountability for between those different times. Accountability to be going to the gym, pushing myself, and sticking to the plan. The funny thing is I joke with people and coaches that I don't like running, and that's why I need a coach to tell me what to do. I need to play a sport to push me because I'm going to run to get the ball. I'm going to run to chase someone down. I'm going to run hard to be able to shoot, but I'm not necessarily going to just go and run, so I needed something or someone to get me there. The accountability was my teammates. We would commit to each other and be accountable to each other to meet. I had accountability with certain fitness classes and sessions.  Over the years, I’ve had accountability with a personal trainer or accountability with a class. Having that accountability was crucial for me to be able to stay as a starter on the varsity rugby team, the highest point scorer in the league because of my kicking for posts and becoming an Ontario University Athletics (OUA) all-star. If you’re wondering, I grew up in Ontario in Brantford playing for the Harlequins and I went to the University of Western Ontario in London and played for Capilano in North Vancouver, BC. Over the years, I’ve known I needed accountability in not just sports, but in taking on some of my bigger business goals, like doing stand-up, writing a book and launching my elite Coaching Mastermind Program. I needed accountability from my coach, my mastermind peers and business advisors, and so on. Also, in my most recent fitness goals, I needed a coach. I needed accountability. That check-in where I posted photos of my food every single day, five times a day, and plugged in exactly what I ate and how much I hate. That accountability is crucial. Side note, I want to let know that the doors are open for She’s Goaled 2.0. It is a coaching mastermind program like a speed course to reach your goals. They're small groups where you get the coaching power from me, the mastermind support of the group, and the accountability to be able to reach your goals. Six Benefits that Give You the Power of Accountability As I go through these different benefits, think about where in your life could you benefit a little bit more from some accountability. Benefit 1: Trust and reliability vibes. If you think about accountability, it's really the glue in relationships whether you're dealing with friends, a boss, or maybe even clients. If you are able to be in that place of being reliable and accountable for things, other people will throw trust your way. If you're able to have accountability, in a goal or accountability with a team, and you are accountable to someone, and they see that, then they're going to start trusting you, and maybe sending referrals your way. Even if you're not getting accountability towards a goal, having just some accountability partners in your life, people that you're accountable to shows the type of person you are.  Benefit 2: Boosting your performance. When you're accountable to someone else like a coach, business coach, life coach, or people in a mastermind group, it really keeps you from slacking off. Because you know, “Oh, I told them. They're counting on me to do this.” What that's going to do is help you perform at that higher level. I know for me that that was a huge game changer for me with sports. Even in my business, if did a weaker job or I just slacked off a little bit, I would let myself down, but I never wanted to let them down. The accountability helped me because if I trained on my own, I might run slower or do less weight. But when I actually was accountable to others, and they would see my progress, I would be embarrassed if I was performing at a low level. I always perform higher for someone else. I always pushed harder for someone else. The same is true in my business. When I am accountable to someone, I do better. Where in your life, could you do better and boost your performance because you're accountable to someone? Benefit 3: Captain responsibility. You get to be the captain and the owner of the things you're responsible for. When there is accountability, you have to own up to your actions. It also means that everyone is responsible for their own piece if you're on a project and there's accountability on the project, in the team, or in a group. They're going to look at you and ask themselves, “Okay, do they take responsibility for when things aren't going as they should? Are they steering themselves and us away from the trouble?” You’ll get the benefit for being their captain and so having that accountability with the group means that you're going to have more responsibility for your own actions, while others will be responsible for their actions. You get to take ownership, which is a great thing, rather than in a project not knowing who is responsible for what. Benefit 4: Learning loop. When we make a mistake, we want to be able to go, “Ah, oops, I did that wrong.” Then have that “AHA” moment of, “I should have done it this way or I could have done it this way.” A lot of times without accountability, we will beat ourselves up and stick to the negative of it, rather than moving to the learning part. It's like, “I made a mistake. Oops. Ahhh, that's what I learned, and now I'm going to make this change.” We get to go back into it by having that learning loop. But if we don't, and we don't have accountability, then we don't have anyone else to help us move through it, or to not be so hard on ourselves. When you learn the ropes of something and learn the lesson in it, it's really going to help you get past it. Then you’ll keep going towards your goal.  Benefit 5: Fair play. When you have accountability, there's more fair play in a group setting. When there's accountability, it's going to make sure everyone is playing by the rules. When you have accountability for you reaching one of your goals, you want to make sure that people you're accountable to are going to call you out. Call you out when you've done something that is just not in alignment with how it should be. Not necessarily calling you out on the mistakes because we want that learning loop to happen, but wanted to make sure things are fair, and things are done right. If you are trying to cheat in some way, they're going to call you out. When I would work out with people who were my accountability partners, and they saw that I was maybe bench pressing, but using more of my back than using my arms and my chest, then they're going to call me out and go, “Hey, your form is not right.” This is also excellent for your own learning and your results. They're going to see, are you doing your fair share of things, if it's a group? Any rule breakers in a group setting will be called out for it, and maybe even given a timeout. It will help when you're going for your goals to make sure there’s fair play because you might not even know what you should or shouldn't be doing. You might be doing something that's going to hurt you in the end because you haven't done everything as it should be done. That might be the case for processes and systems or if there's been trouble in going towards one of your goals if someone else there. People can help give you some extra ideas, or share how that industry works, or the moral or value-centered way of doing something. Benefit 6: Transparency. Your actions will be transparent when they’re seen by others. It's going to help keep things super clear for you. No mysteries of, “Did I do that?” or “That didn't happen that way”. People are going to know that you did or didn't do something. That's usually where we think of accountability. If you have an accountability partner for the gym, you're going to have to tell them you went to the gym or show you went to the gym, or you didn't. It's black and white. You did or you didn't. In this case, when things are transparent, it will help you get to your goals because you're not going to be hiding or kidding yourself. You're going to know when you're not going to reach your goal if you're not moving along. Your accountability can tell you. Many times I've met people, and they've said, “Oh yeah, this year, I'm going to write a book” or “By next mastermind, I'm going to start my program” and then you see them next mastermind they haven't done anything. Well, it's because no one has called them out on it. Sadly they will let themselves down and they're not really seeing what the problem is. Bonus: The accountability is going to actually keep you on track. I didn't add this earlier because it seems like the obvious reason. If you're not reaching your goals, if you're not even starting on some of your goals, it could be that you're lacking accountability, and someone to call you out on it. When I work with clients, and they're not getting towards the goal, I need to call them out on it. That's the accountability factor. I had one client say to me, “I have a bad habit of cheating myself, letting myself down and not stay committed to what I said I would do. I want you to call me on my BS. So if you see that I am providing excuses, running around not doing what I'm supposed to be doing, I want you to call me on it.” That's really what the power of what coaching is, to say, “Come on, why aren't you doing this?” I've had this in both ways. One way is, “You're not doing this as fast as you said you would be doing this.” On the flip side, I've had someone call me out for doing too much, “Hey, you need to like wrap that up, you're doing too much of that.” Or even, “When are you going to stop in this story, so that you can actually get moving forward?” Because sometimes we get stuck in the being, and when you do, just get into the doing. It’s vital to have someone outside of us see that and call us out. Even not just call us out, but call us forward toward where we want to go. I tell my clients, “I'm going to take a stand for you and your goals even when you don't.” That's the thing, having someone that you're accountable to that is not worried about hurting your feelings, and is strong enough to be able to call you out. That's why it's crucial that is not a best friend. It's not a family member. That it's someone outside of your immediate circle. That's why I hired the person I did for my health goals. I knew she's intense. I wanted to be called out when I didn't do it. Some of my clients will say, “I got everything done, but it was last night because I knew I was meeting you today. I knew I had to do it.” Perfect! They got it done, and accountability helped. Well, can you imagine if we didn't meet? Do you think they'd be getting that done? Probably not. Wrapping Up There are a lot of reasons for the power of accountability. I hope you have accountability in different areas of your life. I encourage you to join the She’s Goaled 2.0, where you’ll get weekly accountability support so that you’ll reach your goals. It's not enough to have accountability once a month. It's not even enough sometimes twice a month. You're going to get accountability four times a month. Every single week, you get accountability. What I found is it moves people very quickly towards their goals in a way that is manageable. Because rather than you busting your butt right before you meet a group, maybe every quarter, this way, it's going to help you to have a consistent routine and effort towards your goals. Check out She’s Goaled 2.0. We'd love to have you be part of it. Read my other blogs:
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